Through His Eyes
by its-rpattz-baby
Summary: Carlisle's moved to Forks in hopes of taming Edward's ways. But it seems it will take more than a new town to help Edward deal with the horrors of his past. Edward is weary of getting close to people but will Bella change that for Edward? AH
1. Adjusting

_**A/N - Ok....(deep breaths) This is my second story for fan fiction. I actually had this story ready and planned before i thought of MHHT but decided to wait this one out.**_

_**Tell me what you think honestly...like it or hate it....I would love to know everyone's opinions.**_

_**Updates may be a week apart to start off with until I wrap up MHHT**_

_**Virtual family, love you lots and thanks for the support!!  
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**Adjusting**

**EPOV**

I took a long drag, inhaling deep and allowing the heavenly nicotine to travel through my blood stream and work its magic. I watched the rain pelting down onto the thick green grass of my backyard. I have no fucking idea what people like about this town. It was small, cold and always fucking raining…isn't constant rain extremely depressing? Or maybe it was just me.

I took one last drag and flicked the butt onto the grass, letting the rain put it out. If Carlisle saw me do that he would have thrown a fit. He hated it when I threw my cigarette butts in the backyard. Well, maybe if you fucking had an ash tray outside I wouldn't have to litter.

I walked back inside and found Emmett walking down the stairs. Emmett was my big brother, older by one year. He was a senior. Back home, he was the popular guy in school, the one all the girls wanted to be with and all the guys wanted to be. He was big and burly, dark tight curls on his head with the most piercing blue eyes you would find, he seemed to have inherited Carlisle's hypnotizing blue eyes.

_Did I just say hypnotizing about my dad and brother? That is just nasty…._

I shook my head from those disgusting thoughts and walked over to the refrigerator to grab some breakfast.

"You riding with me?" Emmett asked from his place on the stool at the breakfast bar.

"No," I replied shortly as I grabbed an apple and shut the fridge. I walked over to the sink to rinse it.

"Why? You have you been so fucking stubborn all this week. I seriously don't see any point in taking two cars to school when we live in the same house and go to the same school. It's pointless."

"Well, if you have such a big problem with it then why don't you just fucking ride with me?" I argued as I took a bite out of the apple.

"No, I hate your fucking car."

"Then shut it." I snapped as I headed for the stairs to my bedroom.

"Fuck you _bitch_." He called over his shoulder in a sarcastic tone. I flipped him the bird over my shoulder as I walked up, I wasn't sure if he saw it but it was worth the try.

I walked into my room and grabbed my bag…another fucking school day. I began shoving the books I would need for the day into it and then zipped it up. The students in Forks High were very different from the ones in Seattle. They were a little quieter and from what I have learned over the last three days, quite tamed in comparison to those in Seattle. They act like they have never seen new students before when Emmett and I arrived that first day, it was like hype and frenzy, shameless gawking by everyone. Like seriously? What's the big fucking deal?

I mostly kept to myself while Emmett pretty much befriended the whole senior year. I wasn't all that social. Don't get me wrong I'm not a mental hermit or fucking loner but I'm weary of getting too close to any one. Why bother when fifty percent of the time you just get your heart ripped? Yeah you might argue there is the other fifty that it won't. But the pain and suffering of losing someone close to you is not worth the effort in my opinion. Each to their own, I guess.

I grabbed my bag and slung it over my left shoulder as I headed back downstairs. Carlisle was already at work, that's what its like to have a dad as a doctor. He was hardly ever home, his shifts changing day to day. He was a well respected surgeon back in Seattle so when he applied for the position here as a heart surgeon in the Forks Community Hospital, they snagged him up like a bitch with open legs.

"I'm leaving," I stated plainly to Emmett as I headed for the door.

"Hey, wait up I'm coming." He called out to me from the kitchen.

I waited by the front door for him impatiently. I raked my fingers through my hair trying to tame the beast. It was all over the place, I didn't mind it and the chicks loved it, especially when I pounded into them. They would scream my name out as they pulled my hair in pleasure and satisfaction. There were a few hot chicks in Forks, I couldn't deny that, nothing too spectacular but good enough. One chick Lauren has been on my back since the first day, quite pretty, tall, nice body and long honey blonde hair. She seemed funny but I wouldn't call her a friend of any sorts. I just liked playing with girls, hearing them giggle when you made a little compliment about how pretty they looked, they become like putty within your palm. They hand themselves over to you as their self esteem sky rockets and that was all I needed. Use them for my sexual needs and give them a little sweet comment here and there to keep them happy and feeling special. Yes, chicks really were that easy.

Emmett finally appeared and we headed out. Carlisle had just bought Emmett his brand new 2008 Black Jeep Cherokee for his eighteenth birthday. He'd gone on about it for a while. It was a hot car, I'll give him that much but not my type of car at all. I loved my black 2006 BMW Z4 M coupe. It was stylish, sleek and sporty. I got it about two years ago from Carlisle before all the shit happened and I got into drugs and drinking and constant fights. He threatened to take it away from me if I didn't clean up my act and he did after I proved I was too fucked up to do it.

When I didn't calm down and I got expelled from school for getting into fights all the time and my dropping grades, he moved us here to Forks. Hoping a small town like this would help tame me…We'll see. At the moment the weather and its town folk aren't doing much to help, but I have to do this if I plan on keeping my car. Plus he also threatened if I didn't pick up my grades in school then he would send me to live with my Granddad Anthony in Chicago. We have visited him a couple of times over the years, a typical grumpy old man who hated the new youth and believed we took everything for granted and we were going to ruin this world. Hmmm…I guess I couldn't totally disagree with him but I couldn't imagine a year with him will do me any good.

I pulled out of the drive way and followed behind Emmett to school. I winded down my window and pulled a cigarette out of the packet and placed it between my lips. I pushed in the cigar lighter and waited for it to 'pop' out for me. I didn't usually like smoking in my car but starting up at this new school and moving town has me unsettled. Once it popped, I pulled it out and lit my cigarette taking in a long nice drag and blowing out toward my open window.

I wasn't impressed the day Carlisle made the decision to move out here. But he had warned if I kept up this act then we would move. I didn't think he would follow through, I thought it was an empty threat…obviously not.

Just before we pulled in to the school grounds I flicked the cigarette out, I wasn't about to get caught on my fourth day at a new school. We pulled into the school parking lot and I parked beside Emmett where we have been parking for the last three days. People didn't stare as much anymore but still enough to make me uncomfortable.

"Edward!" I heard my name called as I opened my car door and climbed out. I saw Lauren walking toward me.

"Hey, Lauren." I said, as I bent into my car to grab my bag from the front passenger seat.

As I got back out she was right up against me, placing her hands onto my chest and lightly caressing me over my Abercrombie grey sweater.

"I've been thinking about you." She purred licking her lips. She had been making advances at me since my first day. She was a keen chick and I wasn't complaining.

"Yeah? What kind of thoughts?" I asked seductively.

"Dirty thoughts." She purred again. I could feel myself hardening within my jeans. She had me pressed up against the side of my car. She was rubbing her self up on me and I was positive she could feel every inch of me.

"I was wondering if you wanted to do something this afternoon." She asked biting her bottom lip as she looked up at me from under her lashes.

"Ahh…I'm actually kind of busy after school. Maybe some other time." I didn't date, that just wasn't me. I had flings but I never went into a relationship…what for? I just wanted to have fun. She pouted disappointedly at me.

"Yo, Edward!" I turned my head and found Emmett signaling me over to him.

"Coming." I called out to him. I turned my attention back to Lauren as I leaned in to her ear and whispered seductively, "I guess I'll see you later." I felt her shiver against me and I internally praised myself.

_May have changed town, but Edward motherfucking Cullen has still got it…_

I slid myself from underneath her and locked my car with my remote as I headed over to Emmett. He was grinning at me.

"She is fucking hot!" He exclaimed patting me on the back. I laughed shaking my head at him.

"Sure is." I agreed as we made our way over to class.

**BPOV**

I switched the water off and opened the shower door to reach for my towel. I dried my body quickly before wrapping the towel around me and stepping out. I walked over to the mirror and attempted to brush the knots out of my wet hair. Once I was finished I turned to put on my clothes…_Shit, I forgot my clothes._

I opened the bathroom door a crack and peeked through down the hall. _Great, seems like they're still sleeping._ I hurried into my room and quietly shut the door behind me and locked it. I went to my dresser and grabbed my blue panties and blue bra and slipped them on. I went over to my closet and debated what to wear. I scanned through my closet and decided to just wear my black skinny jeans paired with a navy singlet. I matched them with my favorite fitted white cardigan sweater. I proceeded to rummage through my closet until I found my black flat ankle boots and put them on. I left my hair out to dry into its natural waves.

Renee likes to sleep in especially since she doesn't start work at the Bank of America till ten. She gets up half an hour before she has to leave to quickly get ready and head out. Phil starts at the same time working at West End Motors. They're both worse than each other, squeezing in as much sleep as possible.

So usually I'm the only one awake at seven. I don't mind it. I like being alone and waking up to the peace and quiet. It gives me time to think about things and catch up on any homework I may have failed to do the night before. I take care of myself when it comes to breakfast, actually include every meal into that. Renee isn't much of a cook so it's usually up to me around here to take care of the meals, I didn't really mind, I enjoy cooking, it gives me time to think and I find it quite soothing.

I got the coffee pot brewing and then got started on breakfast. I made a quick ham and cheese sandwich and by the time I finished it the coffee was done. I was actually running quite late today, I haven't been to school in three days since we just came back from a short vacation to Phoenix to visit Phil's parents. I had to go, despite the fact that I don't really like Phil.

Renee dated him for 2 years before they got married just four months ago. He made Renee happy and I guess that's all that should matter but he was younger than her and I found he could be quite immature at times. He thinks he has some kind of authority over me now that he is my step-father. I just try to brush it off for Renee's sake. He is not rude but I don't appreciate someone trying to act like my father when the only father I believe in, is Charlie, who lives in Seattle. I visit him from time to time. He even suggested for me to move in with him once he knew that Phil and Renee were getting married but I figured he has been living alone long enough that I would feel like a burden. Stupid to think like that but once you live 5 years on your own you would find it hard to adjust your lifestyle to include your teenage daughter.

I ate my sandwich slowly trying not to gulp it down and then ran back up stairs to grab my bag. I stuffed my books in there and ran back down taking a quick sip of my coffee. I pulled out my tattered copy of Wuthering Heights and opened it to where I had my book mark. I read and drank my coffee taking glances at the clock every three minutes or so.

Once I'd finished my coffee I stuffed my beloved Wuthering Heights into my bag and headed for my truck. I loved my truck, I like simplicity and this was just that. I threw my bag onto the passenger seat and headed to school.

I pulled into the school parking lot and parked in my usual spot right at the end. I was quite excited to be back at school. It had nothing to do with the learning, it was all because I got to see my best friends Alice and Rosalie again. We were as close as sisters. We've been best friends since primary school.

As I was grabbing my bag from the passenger seat a tap on my window made me scream and jump. I turned to find Jacob laughing his head off. I glared at him as I opened my door and got out.

"Jerk." I hit him in the arm. He didn't even seem to feel it under all his damn muscle.

"I'm sorry…but you….should've seen your face…" He tried to say in between his laughter.

"Great way to welcome me back." I scoffed as I slammed my door shut and began walking with Jacob toward class. Jacob was my other best friend. We grew up together and have known each other since we were like four. We know pretty much everything there is to know about each other, which freaks me out a bit at times.

"Sorry Bella, I did miss you though. Aren't you going to give me a hug and a kiss?" He pouted as he stopped walking. I stopped and turned to face him, sighing while trying to fight back a smile. I walked back to him and hugged him, his big arms hugging me incredibly tight.

"Jake….air…" I gasped. He chuckled as he let me go.

"Alright, now where's my kiss?" He asked letting me go. I leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He grinned back at me as I pulled away. "That's my Bella." He said draping his big arm around my shoulder.

"Don't get used to it…" I said poking him in the side.

As we walked I noticed a brand new jeep parked along side also a brand new BMW Z4. "Who do they belong to?" I asked pointing to the cars as we passed. Jacob took a quick glance and then sighed.

"Some new fuck wits in the school."

"We have new students? Since when?" I asked surprised.

"Since Monday." He stated. "Two brothers…fucking rich bastards."

"Why are you talking about them like you hate them?" I asked as we entered the main building and started heading toward History.

"Because they think they are some rich shit. All the girls are already drooling over the both of them like they haven't seen fucking guys before. The younger one, Edward, is supposed to have been expelled from his previous school for getting caught taking a number in the back of the school…if you know what I mean." He said as we rounded a corner.

"Interesting. Have you spoken to them though, or are you just basing your judgment on them from these supposed rumors?"

"Rumors? You're just too nice for your own good sometimes Bella. What makes you think he's innocent?" He asked a little annoyed.

"I'm not saying anything. I just don't like to base my judgments on what everyone else is saying."

"Well, he is in my English class, he keeps pretty quiet but seems to be an arrogant fucker if you ask me."

"Whatever Jacob. Let's just get to class." I said pulling him by the arm. We walked into History and took our regular seat to the left of the room. Class went by quickly and I just couldn't wait to get to math so I could see Alice and Rosalie.

I walked into math and found I had beaten them so I took a seat and pulled out my math book while I waited. Just as I was pulling out a pen, I heard a squeal that could only belong to one person. I popped my head up and found none other than Alice rushing toward me with Rosalie following close behind.

"Bella!" Alice squealed as she gave me one of her freakishly tight hugs for someone so tiny.

"Hey guys! I've missed you so much." I pulled away from Alice and hugged Rosalie.

Rosalie was stunning to say the least. Every girl envied her and her flawless beauty. She had it all…the long blonde thick hair, the piercing blue eyes, ivory white skin. She also had the height and body of a model. It really didn't help my self esteem much but I've learnt to deal with those thoughts and to shake those feelings away, it's unhealthy.

They both took their seats in front of me. I usually sat next to Angela who was also a good friend of mine, very friendly and kind. She was like me in a lot of ways, quiet and shy.

"How was your weekend?" Alice asked turning in her chair to face me. Rosalie did the same.

"It was…boring to say the least. We just spent the whole time at Phil's parents place. We went out during the days for lunch and his parents showed us around the city. I was counting the hours till I got back." I sighed as I remembered how damn bored I was.

"Well, we're glad you're back." Rosalie smiled as she patted my hand on top of the table.

"Ooooh…Paul is holding a party this Friday at his place and we are so going!" Alice said excitedly. I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Since when do you want to go to Paul's parties?"

"Since now. Come on we never go to these things. We're young, let's have fun." Rosalie argued. Rosalie loved parties. She loved the attention she got from guys at them. She dressed to kill and she knew it. She always had a few guys chasing her around like lost puppies.

"Whatever, it's not like I'll enjoy myself anyway." I mumbled as I began scribbling patterns in the margin of my text book.

"Hey girls!" I popped my head up to find Angela dropping her books onto the table and sitting down beside me.

"Angela! How have you been?" I asked giving her a hug.

"Great! Ben officially asked me to be his girlfriend on Saturday!" She said with a sparkle in her eye.

She was in love, I could see it. Her and Ben had been flirting shamelessly for weeks now but neither of them had the guts to make the first move. Last weekend he had finally asked her out on a date and it looks like things had progressed well.

"That's fantastic. It was about time." I laughed as I nudged her in the arm. "I was about to ask him out on your behalf if neither one of you had made the move."

Angela blushed as Alice and Rosalie laughed along with me. Just then our teacher Mr. Henderson walked in.

Before I knew it we were heading to lunch. I went over to our regular table and found Jasper and Alice already there. Jasper was Rosalie's twin brother. He has curly blonde hair and the same piercing blue eyes as Rosalie. Jasper and Alice have been dating for almost six months now and they seem smitten with each other.

"Hey guys." I said, slumping myself in a seat opposite them.

"Hey Bella!" Jasper smiled as his arm was draped around Alice's shoulders whose seat was pushed up aside his.

"Where's the gang?" I asked nodding my head to the empty seats. There was Rosalie and Jacob missing.

"Dunno, they should be here soon." Alice replied.

"Oh, shit! I gotta hand in my history essay before one. What time is it?" Jasper asked looking over at Alice.

"It's five to." She answered.

"Fuck! I have to go give it in." Jasper said getting up.

"And I need to go to the bathroom." Alice said as she grabbed her bag and got up.

"Ok, well, I'm just going to go grab something to eat in the mean time then." I said as I stood up. I got up from my seat and headed over to grab a tray of food.

As I was walking back to my table, tray in hand, Tyler, a junior who thought too much of himself, walked past me going in the opposite direction to me and aggressively bumped his shoulder against mine as we passed. I wasn't sure if it was an accident or not but either way being me, my tray got knocked out of my hands and went crashing to the floor, my apple and water bottle rolling away as my sandwich lay by my feet. He kept walking, as I looked up, my cheeks flushed the deepest shade of red, I heard someone call out to him.

"Hey!" I looked up to find a tall guy about six foot two with disheveled bronze hair facing me but looking at Tyler as he walked off behind me. I had never seen him before. He must be one of the new guys Jacob was telling me about earlier.

I spun around to see Tyler had stopped walking and he turned around to face this bronze haired guy.

"What?" Tyler snapped back at bronze.

"Don't you think you owe her an apology?" Bronze asked aggressively.

"What's it to you _pretty boy_?" Tyler teased.

At this point Tyler started walking back toward bronze, an arrogant smirk planted across his face. Bronze started stepping toward him slowly also until they were about a foot apart.

"Why don't you just fucking apologize? That's all I'm asking." Bronze spoke through clenched teeth.

At this point I was standing to the side shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably watching this play out in front of me. Half the cafeteria had noticed the little exchange and were all glued to Tyler and Bronze, waiting for something to happen.

I decided to speak up, "It's ok really, I'll just-" But Tyler spoke over me like I didn't even exist, neither one of them looked in my direction.

"Because I don't fucking feel like it." Tyler snapped, lightly shoving Bronze back against the chest with his hand. Bronze didn't even stumble back.

"Ok, I think we have had enough here…" This tall burly guy with dark hair approached them and came to stand between them but bronze pushed him back on his chest leaving his eyes locked on Tyler.

"Back off, Emmett." Bronze warned as he kept his eyes locked on Tyler. Tyler just stood there staring back at bronze with his arrogant smirk across his face.

"I see you've got your big brother to come and help you pretty boy." Tyler mocked.

"Just fucking apologize you _prick_." Bronze threatened.

"Fuck you!" Tyler snapped.

Bronze stood there for a second before his hand went flying in a fist and went aiming at Tyler's face to throw a punch before Emmett grabbed his hand and pulled him away.

"He's not worth it Edward! Back off!" Emmett struggled with Edward as Edward tried pushing him away.

"Come get me, _bitch._" Tyler challenged calling Edward over with his hands. He didn't seem scared one little bit.

Edward tried pushing himself off of Emmett but Emmett held him there tightly.

"Get the fuck off me Emmett!" Edward snapped trying to twist himself out of Emmett's tight grip around his arms.

Just them James came and pulled Tyler away, "Fucking leave him alone Tyler." James laughed. Tyler reluctantly turned and walked away looking over his shoulder at Edward with a smirk as he flipped him.

By now Emmett had walked off with Edward, whispering something into his ear I couldn't make out from where I was standing. I looked around the cafeteria and saw every single person was watching Tyler and Edward walk away while others were staring at me. My cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red as I was left standing all alone. I looked around and saw my table was way across the other side of the cafeteria and I wasn't about to walk over there between the crowd of people after that happened. So embarrassingly, I picked up my tray, water bottle, sandwich and apple and hurriedly walked off, keeping my head down to avoid the stares of the whole cafeteria.

**EPOV**

"What the _fuck _were you thinking?" Emmett snapped at me but trying to keep his voice down so no one would hear us. He had pulled me away and forced me into the toilets to calm me down.

"He is a _fucking prick, _who needs a lesson or two in fucking manners." I argued raking my fingers through my hair.

"He did nothing to you…he bumped into a girl, _big fucking deal_, keep walking. Don't you fucking start up with this shit again. You know Carlisle is serious about sending you away." He tried reasoning in annoyance. I was leaned up against a sink as he paced back and forth in frustration.

"I hate people like that, her food fell everywhere and he kept walking the fucking pri-."

"EDWARD!" Emmett snapped this time loudly as he stopped to face me with a glare.

"WHAT?" I snapped back as he came up to me and leaned in up to my face as if emphasizing his fucking control over me

"Don't. Fucking. Start. Up. This. Shit." He spoke each word individually like I was some retard who couldn't understand.

"OK! Now back the fuck off me." I pushed him back.

"I mean it Edward. I'm not the one that is going to be living with Granddad Anthony if all this shit starts up again. Think about it. And I didn't fucking move town for you in order for you to screw it up."

"That's right, I stuffed up your perfect life back home as well as Carlisle's. Here we go again, Edward the _fucking screw up_!" I yelled back. I threw my hands in the air in frustration and then brushed them both through my hair.

"Well, if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be here. But I don't fucking mind if it's going to help you. Life doesn't revolve around you Edward."

"Do you know what? I've fucking had enough." I pushed myself off the sink and passed him as I headed out.

I avoided the cafeteria for the rest of lunch and sat outside in the cold and rain but didn't fucking give a shit. I knew if I saw Tyler again I would want to fucking smash his head against the wall. Not to mention the staring that I would be tormented to once I'd show my face in the cafeteria again.

_Great way to make a fucking first impression._

The bell ran and I headed off to class. I was thankful I had Biology because I sat alone and I wouldn't have to be suppressed to make mindless conversation with the person next to me. I wanted to get there early so I wouldn't have to walk into a class full of gawking students staring at me like I was Mike Tyson who had just fucking bit Tyler's ear off.

I took my place at the bench I have been sitting at all week. I pulled out my books and a pen and began scribbling mindless sketches across the page. I was so caught up in my scribbling that I didn't notice a girl approach until I heard her bag drop to the floor beside my seat.

_Fuck_

I looked up and found the girl from the cafeteria who had dropped her tray, taking the seat beside me. I looked around and saw all the other seats were taken. Where the hell has she been all week? She looked over at me nervously and gave me a slight smile which I returned before focusing back on my scribbling. We sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke to me.

"Umm…thank you for….you know…what happened before…" Her voice was soft like an angel but she sounded a little nervous.

"Don't mention it." I replied dryly without looking up from my book.

I really wasn't in the mood for talking. I didn't do it for her but that would be rude to say. I did it because I hate people like Tyler who think they can disrespect any fucking person they like and get away with it.

"You're new in town?" She asked still sounding a little nervous. If only I got a dollar for every time someone has asked me that this week.

"Yeah," I replied shortly. Couldn't she tell I wasn't in the mood for talking?

"Edward is it?" She asked.

I looked up at her and nodded.

"Isabella but everyone calls me Bella." She said with a slight smile.

"Hmmm." I nodded again in acknowledgement and then returned to my scribbling.

From my peripheral vision I could see her staring at me. I looked up at her to see what she was looking at and she quickly looked away blushing a bright shade of red. I smirked to myself as I went back to scribbling.

She brushed her hands through her hair before she leaned down toward me to pick up her bag and a strong waft of strawberries and vanilla danced its way to my nose. It went straight to my dick. I'm not sure why, scents don't usually have that affect on my body. I adjusted myself in my seat so that my growing erection wasn't noticeable. I looked down toward her and all I got to look at was the top her head as she leaned down grabbing her books out of her bag.

She leaned back up and I quickly looked away before she caught me. She had the most beautiful thick lustrous mahogany hair that draped in big waves down her back.

Mr. Molena walked in and started class. Throughout class I saw her stealing glances in my direction but I pretended I didn't notice. She didn't seem my type. She seemed too quiet and nervous like for my liking. I liked girls who could strut their stuff and make a move on me without thinking too much about it.

As I was copying my notes off the board, my pen decided to dry out and stop working.

_Fucking shit._

I rummaged through my bag but good old Edward never took more than one pen to school. _Fuck me._ My only other option was to ask for one, I really didn't want to but I had no other choice. If I was back home I would've fucked it and not worried about the notes but I had to improve my grades if I planned on keeping my car.

I swallowed my pride and leaned in toward her to ask for a pen and her scent of strawberries and vanilla breezed into my nose once again and into my pants. I closed my eyes to focus and when I opened them I found her staring at me. I was leaned in toward her with our faces about a foot apart and my eyes were closed…_great way to embarrass yourself Cullen_.

I jumped back as if she was going to bite me and then raked my fingers through my hair nervously. Edward mother fucking Cullen never gets nervous around chicks.

"Do you need something?" She whispered leaning toward me slightly. I noticed for the first time her eyes, her incredibly warm and gentle milk chocolate eyes. They were big and almond shaped. Her face was an ivory silky white and matched perfectly with her warm brown eyes and hair. She leaned back and I noticed I had just been staring at her like an idiot. I cleared my throat and spoke.

"Just a pen," I said dryly, trying to act like I was fine. She leaned down next to me to her bag and I had to push myself back so I wouldn't smell her strawberries and vanilla again, the smell of pure innocence, yep definitely not my type of girl.

"Here," She smiled awkwardly as she handed me a pen.

"Thanks," I muttered as I returned to my notes and finished copying off the board. We didn't interact at all for the remainder of class. When the bell finally rang, she began packing up her things.

"Thanks for the pen," I said handing it back to her. She turned to look at me, then the pen and then back at me. She shook her head.

"You can keep it, I'm sure you're going to need it for your next class." She spoke softly again.

"K," I said as I shoved my things in my bag but then she spoke again.

"Could I….I haven't been here this week so I was just wondering if you have the notes I missed out on." She spoke as she leaned down to grab her bag.

"Ah…yeah….just a sec." I fiddled through my notes to find the last three days of work. "Do you know what, you can just take my whole book, it might be easier." I said handing her my notebook. We didn't have any homework so I didn't really need it.

"O…Ok, thanks." She took the notebook from me and carefully placed into her bag. "I'll bring it tomorrow for sure."

"Whatever." I replied before walking out. Lauren was waiting for me outside the door.

"Hey," she greeted staring at me seductively. Fuck she wanted it bad.

"Lauren." I said.

The strawberries and vanilla girl walked out of the classroom and almost ran into Lauren. I quickly pulled Lauren against my chest before she collided with her. Bella looked over at Lauren and frowned at her as she walked off.

"Bitch." Lauren muttered under her breath.

"Why a bitch?" I asked looking down at Lauren.

"She should watch where she's going."

"Maybe you shouldn't have been standing in the doorway." I chuckled. She punched me in the chest before grabbing my hand and pulling me to our next class.

The day was finally over and I couldn't wait to get the fuck home.

"Edward, you heading home?" Emmett asked walking up to me at my car.

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"Was thinking I might go and grab some something to eat with a couple of the guys. Wanna come?"

I shook my head, "Nuh, I'm going home."

"Suit yourself." He replied as he walked over to a group of guys who were standing at the end of the car park. I climbed into my car and headed home.

I got into my bedroom and chucked my bag onto the floor. I thought about what happened today at lunch and became pissed at myself for losing it so quickly. I really needed to work on my anger. The last thing I ever wanted was to move to Chicago to live with Granddad Anthony. Because of that I figured I should get my homework out of the way.

I decided to start on my math. I didn't mind math all that much, if I put the effort into it I wasn't too bad, but I got bored quickly.

I took my math book out of my bag and the pen fell to the floor as I did. I bent down and picked up and immediately strawberries and vanilla girl came to mind. I found myself smiling but I quickly stopped myself. I never felt nervous around chicks. That just wasn't who I was. But with this girl there was something about her, she was definitely not someone I go for. I shook my head to focus as I started on my math.

**BPOV**

I began preparing dinner while I waited for Renee and Phil to get home. I marinated some steaks and prepared a few vegetables on the side all ready to be cooked five minutes before they were due to arrive. Once I had that done I went into my room to start on my homework and catch up on all the work I had missed on my three days out of school.

After about an hour on my history copying from Jacob's notes and doing our homework, I decided to work on my biology. I looked through my bag and pulled out my notebook as well as Edward's notebook. I was a little disappointed at how dry he was to me. He seemed annoyed and uncomfortable. I don't know why I really cared but maybe because he was really good looking. At the cafeteria I had only gotten a glimpse of him but in biology when he was sitting right beside me I got to see him up closely. His eyes were the most crystal green I had ever seen, so hypnotizing, I found myself unable to look away. I could see why all the girls were after him.

He was tall and quite built for a seventeen year old. I could see through his shirt that his body was really toned. He looked more like a twenty something year old than a teenager, and I found that extremely hot. His hair was a bronze disarray, stray strands falling onto his pale forehead. His chiseled jaw, straight nose and pouty lips, he was simply beautiful.

I shook my head from these thoughts. He may be beautiful and sexy but he was dry and rude. I hated that in guys. I tried to think of my biology as I opened up his notebook and was taken aback by his handwriting. It was an elegant script, something I wouldn't have expected from someone like him. I tried to look past the handwriting and start copying.

Once I was finished, it was time to put the steaks on the grill, I hurried downstairs and found Phil walking through the door.

"Hey, Bella." He said walking in and taking off his jacket.

"Hey. Dinner will be in a bit."

"That's alright, I'm just going to jump in the shower and I'll be back down."

"Sure."

That was pretty much all Phil and I talked about, just what was necessary. We both tried a little harder in front of Renee but when she wasn't here we would pretty much just stay away from each other. He knew I didn't really see him as my dad and I think that was what aggravated him more.

I fried up the steaks and steamed the vegetables while listening to my ipod. I hadn't heard Renee come in so I was startled when I felt her behind me.

"Ah!" I jumped and spun around. She was laughing at me. I pulled the ear phones out of my ears and tried not to laugh at myself.

"Hey baby, sorry I frightened you." She said giving me a hug.

"That's ok, I shouldn't have had my music on so loud." I said pulling back and turning to take the steaks off the grill.

"Bella, that smells amazing!"

"It's ready, so take a seat."

Phil came down from his shower and the three of us sat and ate dinner, discussing our days.

"Did you miss out on much school work?" Phil asked taking a sip of his water.

"Not all that much, no."

We sat in silence for a few more moments before I spoke again.

"There is a party on Friday that I want to go to." I stated.

Renee was usually pretty lenient with me when it came to going out. That was probably because I never really did go out so she was always more than happy for me get out there and enjoy being young. Renee was such a young spirit. I seemed to find most of the time that I acted older than she did. She always says that I was born thirty.

"Where?" Phil asked. I rolled my eyes looking down at my plate, hoping he hadn't noticed.

"At Paul's house." I stated popping a carrot slice into my mouth.

"Sure, you can go baby." Renee smiled at me.

"Thanks." I smiled back at her before looking over at Phil. He didn't look too happy that his judgment wasn't asked for.

We finished up dinner and Renee usually cleaned up. So I went upstairs and showered and got ready for bed. I slipped myself under the covers and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

~*********************************~

"I heard what happened in lunch yesterday. I was held back in Math. Did he hurt you?" Jacob whispered, looking really pissed. We were sitting in History and were supposed to be working among ourselves from our text books.

"Who?"

"Tyler."

"No…not really. I just dropped my tray. Anyway that new guy Edward told him off." I whispered as I wrote down my answer to a question in my text book.

"Yeah I heard. I don't like him. See what I mean about causing trouble." He whispered back.

"He didn't do anything to me."

"Yeah, but he seems to have his own problems he's dealing with."

"How do you know all this?"

"Paul. Unfortunately, Edward and Paul have become friends." He said with annoyance.

"Are you jealous Black?" I teased.

"What? No, I just don't like him and I don't see why Paul does."

I couldn't help but laugh, resting my forehead on the table so I wouldn't get caught. "Ok, you are starting to sound a little gay there Jakey." I whispered trying to hold in my laughter so Mr. Henderson wouldn't catch us.

He punched me lightly in the arm, "Don't call me that, you know I hate it." He laughed with me now.

"Is there a problem Jake and Bella?" Mr. Henderson asked standing up from his desk and coming over to us.

"No Sir." We answered in unison.

"Well then I don't want to hear any chatter coming from you two please…Focus." He stated before heading back to his desk.

After History I had math and then it was time for recess.

"So, you coming Friday?" Rosalie asked as we all sat down at our table at lunch.

"Sure am."

"Yay! We can get ready at my house. It will be so much fun." Alice squealed in delight.

"No, no, no," I began to argue. "You're not using me as a doll that you can dress up like you did the last time we went out."

"Don't be silly Bella, I will make you look like a goddess by the time I'm done with you and I'll even be nice and give you one veto." She fired back.

"Whatever." I knew there was no use arguing with this pixie.

"Oh my God! There he is." Rose squealed. I followed her gaze and found her staring at Emmett who was walking over to his table.

"You like him?" I asked.

"Like him?! I think I'm in love. He is so hot…"

"Rosalie please…I don't want to hear it." Jasper said wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"He is a senior Rose." Alice laughed.

"So? That's only a year older." Rose argued keeping her eyes fixed on Emmett as he sat down at a table three tables down from us.

I couldn't help but notice a mop of bronze locks sitting at the table also. I kept staring at him, he looked so sexy today. He was wearing a tight fitting cream cotton sweater.

"Who are you looking at?" Jacob's voice snapped me out of my ogling and I blushed.

"No one." I quickly answered, looking down at my tray.

"You weren't staring at Emmett were you?" Rosalie asked half joking, half serious.

"No!" I said a little too loudly.

"She was eyeing out his sexy younger brother." Alice giggled. I shot up to look at her.

"No I wasn't."

"Then why are you blushing the deepest shade of red?" Jasper teased.

"I need some water." I lied and got up from my seat as quick as I could. I noticed Jacob didn't look too impressed as he watched me. I hurried over to the drink machine and fumbled in my pockets for some money to get some water. I really just needed to get away from them.

"Stupid pockets." I grumbled to myself as my jeans were too tight that trying to take the coins out was proving to be hard.

"Are you ok?" I jumped and spun around and was met by those piercing green eyes.

"Ah…yeah…perfect…fine." I stammered like an idiot as I moved aside to allow him to put his money in. I finally managed to get my money out and waited patiently as I tried not to stare at his ass. He was so sexy.

"Edward!" I saw Lauren practically skipping up to him while glaring at me.

Lauren never liked me. She was competition with Rosalie when it came to the guys. She was attractive I couldn't deny that but the fact that she had done almost every guy in our year was a big turn off. Even Jacob once admitted to fooling around with her. That made me sick. She saw me as some little stupid, quiet shy virgin who had never been kissed, I was sure of it.

"Hey, would you like a drink?" Edward asked Lauren as he bent down to grab his water out of the slot.

"Sure, get me a diet coke." _Typical._

He threw some more money in and pressed the code in for the diet coke. I waited impatiently on the side hating to see Lauren's hands all over him. She was brushing through his hair as she kissed his neck lightly.

_Please…get a freakin room._

I looked away not being able to handle their PDA. I don't know why but I was pissed at her. Maybe because I wished I was the one doing that to him. I had never felt this way about any guy before.

Her drink fell into the slot and I looked away trying to avoid looking at them. He handed it over to her and walked off without looking in my direction.

_Maybe Jacob was right….maybe he was an arrogant prick._

I finally got my water and walked back to my table. I took my seat and didn't bother listening into the conversation that was going on around me. Jacob got up from his seat and came and sat down beside me.

"You ok?" He asked looking concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said as I took a gulp out of my water.

"I'm glad you're going on Friday. I'll bet you'll look real sexy." Jacob purred playfully as he put his arm around my shoulder.

Jacob always flirted with me playfully. Sometimes I wondered whether he wanted to be more than just friends but he never seemed to take it further than the flirting. I didn't see him in that way so sometimes I found that I got a little uncomfortable when I felt like he was pushing it a little. He knew I had never been kissed or anything. He always told me I was attractive and pretty but sometimes I thought he was just being nice.

"So, are you taking anyone?" I asked changing the subject.

"Nah, I'm just going to go and have a fucking great time!" He said with a grin. That to Jacob meant drinking…a lot.

The day went by like the usual and before I knew it, it was time for biology. I decided to get in early but when I got there Edward was already there. I tried to avoid looking into his eyes because I found I became speechless when I did. I got to my seat and flopped down onto the stool and threw my bag on the floor between us. He didn't even bother looking up or saying hi.

_What was his problem?_

I pulled my books out of my bag including his notebook.

"Thanks." I spoke so softly I wasn't even sure he heard as I placed his notebook on the table between us.

"No problem." He replied dryly never taking his eyes off the page in front of him as he slid his book toward him.

_Arrogant Prick_

I turned away from him and took out my notes from yesterday that I had copied from him and went over them, hoping to catch up so that today I wouldn't be lost. I was pretty good at biology, I never found it hard so I was pretty much ok with what I missed.

"Hey Bella!" Mike approached me and stood in front of our desk.

"Hey Mike!" I replied.

Mike was really nice, sometimes too nice. He had asked me out once before but I rejected him as nicely as I could. He just wasn't my type, his cheerfulness got to me sometimes.

"How was Phoenix?" He asked looking briefly over at Edward who was still scribbling in his book.

"Boring. I'm just glad to be back."

"Yeah…um…you going tomorrow night?" He asked looking hopeful. _Oh, please don't ask me to go with you._

"Not sure yet." I lied

"Well, I'm going. I would love it if you went. Paul's parties are awesome."

"I've heard." Just then Mr. Molena walked in and started class. Mike hurriedly went back to his seat.

He had us copy some more notes and then gave us a work sheet that we had to answer some questions from. We were allowed to discuss our answers with our partners. _As if._

Everyone around us chatted quietly, some on the work and some on completely different things. Edward and I stayed silent, working individually.

The answers were quite easy and I had almost finished when I noticed Edward was still half way through them. I didn't dare look over, I just quickly glanced over at him from the corner of my eye as I didn't want him catching me staring or anything.

Mr. Molena went around the class checking on our progress and everyone seemed to be doing pretty well.

"You finished Bella?" He asked as he stood beside our table.

"Yes, Sir."

"Well, how bout you help Edward there, he seems to be struggling a little. You didn't do this back at your old school?" He asked turning to Edward. Edward's head snapped up from his work to look at Mr. Molena seeming a little annoyed.

"Ah…well…we did but I never really studied it." He shrugged.

"Ok, well I'm sure Isabella wouldn't mind helping." He smiled at the both of us before he walked off.

"You don't have to do anything." Edward said coldly turning to me once Mr. Molena was out of hearing distance.

I turned to look at him, I'm sure looking a little annoyed. Why did he seem to despise me so much today?

"Whatever." I muttered under my breath as I turned back to my book and started scribbling silly sketches. It was his loss anyways. He was going to be the one losing his grades. I noticed he was still staring at me for a moment and I pretended not to notice. He was starting to freak me out a little. He shook his head as if trying to clear his mind as he went back to his questions.

Mike walked back over to my desk again.

"You finished?"

"Yeah, you?" I asked not sounding really interested.

"Yep. So, I was wondering-"

"Newton, do you mind, Bella here is helping me." Edward snapped causing me to jump slightly and Mike to look over at him in shock. Neither one of us were expecting him to talk. Mike looked back at me.

"You helping him?" He asked looking a little jealous. I turned to look at Edward and he was looking straight at me as if pleading for me to answer yes.

"Ah…yeah I am." I answered.

"Ok, well…I'll see you after class then." Mike took one last look at Edward before he walked off and I turned to look at Edward and he was back to working silently.

"What did you do that for?" I asked in annoyance. He kept his focus on his work as he answered.

"Sorry, but he was annoying me, is that a problem?" He answered dryly looking up at me now. I think my jaw dropped to the floor at how beautiful he looked. I actually hadn't had a good look at him today and I forgot just how beautiful and good looking he was. His eyes looked even greener than yesterday.

"Well yes because I was talking to him…Unless you really want me to help you?" I asked irritably.

"No, now if you don't mind I have work to do." He said angrily as he returned to his questions.

* * *

_**REVIEW and let me know what you thought Please. *bites nails***_

_**I have the first 8 chapters written up but like i said i will be slow with updates at first till MHHT is finished. : )  
**_


	2. Do You Hate Me?

_**A/N - Yes I'm updating earlier than I said but that is a good thing right?**_

_**Thankyou to everyone that has reviewed and are loving the story, you don't know how good that makes me feel, I really can't explain how great it is to hear people compliment your story. **_

_**I'm also overwhelmed by the amount of people that have put me on story alert...there is so many of you so thank you all so much!!**_

_**I forgot to mention last chapter that on my profile page i have the links to Emmett's and Edward's car...so go check those out!!**_

_**Virtual family..the biggest greatest love goes out to all of you...mwa!!**_

_Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight...  
_

**

* * *

Do You Hate Me?**

**EPOV**

"Mmmmm…" Her hot breath against my ear was making me even harder.

"Maybe we should….do this somewhere more private…" I whispered into her ear before trailing delicate kisses along her neck. She shook her head against my ear as she continued to pull at it with her lips and occasionally giving it a little pull with her teeth.

Lauren had me pressed up against my car as she greeted me this morning once again as soon as I arrived. Although she wasted no time this morning and crashed her lips to mine as soon as she had me. I wasn't complaining. It has been almost a month since I have gotten any kind of action. We've been here in Forks for that long now and I only started school on Monday, so I was sexually frustrated as hell. I have to admit it was taking all my fucking restraint not to turn her around, bend her over my bonnet and fuck her senseless. Yeah, I sound like some horny mother fucker, I know….but that's because I am one.

"Lauren…" I tried pushing her gently away from me because I knew very well I couldn't do her right now, so this was just frustrating the shit out of me. I was close to creaming my pants as we speak.

"Mmmm?" She hummed in question as her tongue darted out and licked my ear.

"Ok, whoa, whoa…" I grasped her by the shoulders gently and pushed her back a little harder this time. She pouted at me looking really flustered.

"We can't do this shit here." I stated raking my fingers through my hair. I was desperate for some readjusting in my pants but was refraining from doing it in front of her.

"But I want you Edward," She purred stepping toward me again but I pushed her back.

"Lauren, please stop, we have the whole fucking school staring, mouths open and tongues wagging at our little show."

"You're no fun." she stomped her foot down on the floor like a five year old. Seriously?

"Did you just stomp your foot?" I asked biting my lip from the laugh that was threatening to emerge.

"Shut up!" She snapped trying not to laugh herself.

"You're going tonight aren't you?" I asked.

"Yeah,"

"Well, then, tonight we will finish off what we started." I watched as her face lit up and she grinned at me.

_Fucking easy shit._

"Ok, Edward, well then I'll see you in class." She leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips and sauntered off.

I looked around the car park and noticed everyone was looking, even strawberries and vanilla girl, Bella. She quickly looked away when I caught her and said something to some really tall, tanned guy who had his big beefy arm around her shoulders as they walked. They seemed a little cozy if you ask me, fucking prick.

_What the fuck was that? _

There was a feeling in my stomach, a sick feeling as I watched this asshole walk off with his arms all over Bella. Why did I even care? What should it matter to me? I didn't like her and she wasn't my type at all.

I rubbed my hands over my face to shake those thoughts away…_focus_. Let's just get to class. I made it through math and history quite alright, trying to focus so I could pick up my grades. It was proving to be a little harder than I thought. I really did waste a lot of time back in school in Seattle.

Before I knew it I was sitting in English working on an essay we had been giving earlier in the week. I sat on my own in English which I loved. I really did hate sharing my space with others.

The bell finally rang for lunch and I quickly tried finishing off the sentence I was writing.

"Hey Cullen, I saw you sucking face with Lauren this morning."

I looked up and found none other than James, the guy that had pulled the prick Tyler away the other day. He was alright to me but anyone who befriended a jackass like Tyler wasn't good in my books.

I looked briefly up at him as I shut my book then looked away as I grabbed my bag to put my things in it. I ignored him, I didn't have time for his bullshit.

"She is a hot fuck." He snickered. I snapped my head up to look at him, obviously a look of disgust on my face.

"And you would know…" I sighed. It really was no surprise to me.

"Sure do, _twice_."

"I really don't need to fucking know." I grimaced as I got up from my seat, grabbed my bag and headed for the cafeteria. I grabbed a sandwich and went to sit with Emmett, Marcus, Demetri and Aaron.

Aaron and Demetri were juniors like me and I had a few classes with them. They're quite alright, nice guys who knew how to have fun. Marcus was a senior like Emmett. He seemed a little more reserved than the rest of us.

"So, any hot chicks that tickle your fancy?" Aaron asked with a smirk, looking between me and Emmett.

"Not really. No wait! There is one girl, tall, long thick blonde hair, blue eyes. She is fucking hot." Emmett answered looking around the cafeteria, presumably for this chick. "There she is!" We all followed Emmett's gaze.

"That's Rosalie Hale." Demetri pointed out. "She is hot but she is not easy. Especially considering she has her twin brother Jasper that is usually keeping an eye out for her."

"Fuck! You serious?" Emmett said in disappointment.

"Since when has that stopped you?" I argued. "Back in Seattle, all you ever had to do was say 'hi' and they would fall to their knees for you." I said seriously. It was true. Emmett has never had to work to get a girl. Well, neither have I for that matter.

"I know, but this chick is fucking hot!"

I turned back to Rosalie and found Bella sitting beside her now, laughing at something. Damn she was beautiful when she laughed. She was such a natural beauty.

"Bella's quite alright too." Marcus mused as he stared at her. I felt like fucking ripping his eyes out as he gawked at her like some piece of meat.

"Yeah she is. That ass on her is tight as fuck." Aaron added.

I looked over at Aaron. What a prick. This was making me uncomfortable watching these guys undress her with their fucking eyes. I needed to steer our focus.

"So how many people actually attend Paul's parties." I asked. I wasn't really interested in going but I thought it would help me let loose a little.

"Pretty much the whole school, man. His parents do a lot of travel on business, leaving him with his older brother Sam who graduated last year. They're like the fucking king's of parties." Marcus answered with a smirk.

Lunch ended and I hurried off to Biology. I was struggling a little yesterday with the questions but I wasn't about to ask for help. I was going to see how far I could push it before I was desperate for it.

I walked in and found Bella already there with Mike Newton already at her desk. He annoyed the shit out of me. For some reason any guy who spoke to her annoyed the shit out of me. She seemed a little annoyed by him yesterday and that's why I told him to leave. She didn't seem too impressed by me though.

I slipped in behind her and into my seat. They kept talking like I wasn't even there, _perfect_. I pulled out my stuff and pretended to be reading through my notes as I listened to them converse.

"…the position is available, so if you're interested just pop in and my mum will show you around." Mike was leaning his hands on the desk in front of Bella, his head a little to close for comfort to her as it seemed.

"I will thanks. I might, just before the holidays. I would need the money for presents and stuff, but thanks." She answered as she fingered the corner cover of her book.

"So, I have Saturday afternoon off, would like to do something?" He asked her seeming a little nervous.

I noticed her flinch slightly beside me. She began fiddling with the corner of her book again. She was stalling, trying to avoid his offer. I thought I might help her out a little.

"So, Bella," I began. Both their heads spun to look at me, "you still on for that study session this Saturday afternoon?" I asked looking straight at her. Her sweet chocolate eyes just did something to me. I felt like they were boring into me so deep. Her eyes widened for a split second before she relaxed and nodded slightly.

"Ah…yeah, I mean if you're still up for it." She gave me a slight smile before she turned back to Mike. Mike looked back and forth between Bella and me, his eyes concerned and a little jealous.

_Fucker._

"Sure am," I said giving a smirk toward Mike.

"Oh, maybe…another time then." He sighed.

"Maybe," I answered for her as I kept my eyes on him. He adjusted himself uncomfortably.

"I better get back to my desk."

"I agree," I smirked at him again.

I loved this shit. He tried glaring at me but it came out a little like a pussy glare if you ask me before he turned on his heel and headed back over to his desk. I noticed Bella looking at me in disbelief as I returned to my notes without saying a word.

"Why do you keep doing that?" She asked.

"Doing what?" I asked pretending I didn't know what she was talking about.

"Keep….is there something wrong? You're mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash." She said with a little annoyance in her voice.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said flatly as I turned my focus to her. She stared at me, like really stared. Her mouth opened up slowly and she seemed to be breathing deeply.

"Something wrong?" I smirked. I knew she found me attractive. Well, I am Edward fucking Cullen after all.

"N…no." She stammered as she quickly looked away. "Forget it." She mumbled as she pretended to focus on her notes.

There was something about her that drew me in. Not just the fact that I found her really sexy but there was something else. I knew a girl like her wasn't meant for me. But she had this fucking control over me that I couldn't fight. I hated it. I hated feeling out of control. I've never felt like that ever. It was pissing me off. I couldn't allow anyone to have that kind of control over me.

We didn't say a word to each other for the rest of class and when class ended she walked out without looking in my direction. I got up and found Lauren waiting for me outside.

"This is something you're getting me used to." I mocked as I put my arm around her shoulders and walked to our next class.

"Are you complaining?" She asked looking up at me from under her lashes.

"Nope," I answered popping the 'p'.

I pulled into my drive and lit a cigarette as soon as I got out of the car. I stood out in the cold, leaning against my car smoking. I saw Carlisle's Merc approaching from down the street.

"Fuck," I muttered. I wasn't in the mood for his shit now.

As he pulled into the drive way, I quickly took one last drag and flicked it to the ground before heading inside in an attempt to avoid him.

I opened the door and walked inside and up to my room. Emmett was meeting up with Marcus after school for lunch. They had become quite close.

I planned on riding with Emmett to the party tonight because I wanted to drink. I hadn't gotten drunk in a while and I needed something to help me just forget about my shit and relax.

As I took a seat at my desk to get some homework out of the way, I heard a little rap on the door. I groaned because I knew it was Carlisle.

"Come in."

The door clicked open slightly as he popped his head through the door.

"Can we talk?" He asked hesitantly.

I swiveled around in my chair to face him. I raised my eyebrows at him willing him to begin. He stepped in and closed the door behind him.

"I just haven't seen you all that much this week and I was wondering how your first week was?" He asked as he took a seat on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah, it was good." I answered dryly.

"Hmmm. Edward, I do hope you are taking this move seriously. I would hate to have to send you to Chicago-"

"Can we stop with this shit?!" I snapped.

"Watch how you speak to me Edward." Carlisle scolded.

"Are we done? Or are you going to sit and lecture me about my behavior and the fucking consequences if I don't improve? I'm trying my fucking best and I don't need you to keep reminding me what a mess I am." I said raising my voice.

"Do not raise your voice at me Edward." I rolled my eyes and got up from my seat.

"I don't need this shit." I muttered as I went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I really was sick of Carlisle and Emmett constantly giving me their shit. They seemed to have such little faith in me.

I went back down stairs and found Carlisle in the kitchen chopping up some vegetables. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and walked back upstairs without saying a word. I decided to have a little nap before the party so I laid down on top of the covers on my bed and let myself drift off into sleep.

"Edward?"

I could feel something tickling my ear. I tried slapping it off but I got nothing. I heard Emmett snicker and I felt like punching him in the face for being such a dick.

Then I felt it again.

"Fuck off." I groaned.

"Get up, we gotta leave in an hour."

"I don't care, I'll get there late." I mumbled as I buried my face deeper into the pillow. I felt the bed beside me sink down.

"You're riding with me, remember? I'm leaving in an hour, take it or leave it." I groaned in frustration and rolled over onto my back and rubbed my eyes from the sleep.

"Get the fuck out of my room. I'll be ready soon."

"Look at your fucking hair." Emmett snickered. "You really should think about cutting that shit."

"Why don't you get the fuck out of my room before I cut something else of yours." I threatened as I sat up in bed and rested my back against the bed head.

"Dick." Emmett mumbled as he got up and left.

I brushed my fingers through my hair and decided I would take a quick shower. I took a quick shower and put some gel into my hair, trying to get it sit how I wanted but it just dropped into its usual disarray. I gave up. I dressed in my Abercrombie dark wash worn out jeans. I grabbed a white long sleeve shirt and wore my black military style jacket on top. I sprayed a little perfume on and met Emmett downstairs.

He was in the kitchen talking with Carlisle.

"Oh good, dinners ready." Carlisle said as he spotted me.

"I'm not hungry." I said as I stood beside Emmett hoping he was ready to leave.

"Edward, I've made so much. You haven't eaten anything."

"I said I'm not hungry." I repeated. Emmett was wolfing down a plate of pasta. "I thought you said you were ready to leave?" I asked in annoyance.

"Yeah I was but dinner was ready and I was hungry." Emmett answered with a mouth full of lasagna.

"Where are you boys going?" Carlisle asked as he placed his plate on the counter and took a seat on the stool.

"Out." I replied shortly just impatient to leave. Carlisle looked at me with a frown at my rudeness.

"I'll wait outside, hurry up." I said to Emmett as I turned and headed for the door. I walked outside and it was quite a cool night. I considered going back upstairs and grabbing my beanie but couldn't be bothered. I pulled my pack out and lit up a cigarette while I waited.

Before I knew it, the door opened and Emmett walked out wearing his dark wash jeans with a black leather jacket. He loved his leather.

"You ready?" He asked as he closed the door behind him.

"Let's go get smashed!" I said with a grin.

**BPOV**

"You did that on purpose!" I argued.

"No I didn't," Alice shot back with a smirk. I knew she was lying.

"You knew I had one veto and you purposely picked out something you knew I would never wear just so I could waste it." I said as I stared at the skimpy dress lying on the bed that Alice offered for me to wear. Rosalie snickered as she sat on Alice's bed flicking through an issue of cosmopolitan. "I hate you Alice." I glared at her.

"I know you love me." She laughed as she gave me a hug. I could never be mad at her. I gave her a hug.

"Now," She began pulling back, "Let's find you something you will love." She sang as she turned back to her closet and scanned through her clothes.

I had gone home briefly after school to have a shower and wash my hair. I drove over to Alice's and as soon as I arrived, Rosalie got started on my hair to curl it before it dried. I was now waiting for an outfit with rollers in my hair.

Rosalie was already dressed and ready. She had her hair straitened and tied back into a low pony tail. She had her locks brushed over to one side of her shoulder so that it draped down over the left side of her chest reaching her waist. She had done her make up smoky and was wearing a black tight fitted mini skirt with black thick stockings underneath matched with stiletto ankle boots. She had a long sleeved, low cut red top with a black fitted short jacket on top. She looked stunning.

"Ok, I've got it." Alice said snapping me out of my thoughts. She pulled out some dark wash jeans that looked skin tight.

"No." I objected straight away.

"You've used up your veto." Alice reminded me.

"But that wasn't fair! You chose something I wouldn't wear on purpose."

"Look Bella, I'm being nice by allowing you to wear jeans. So unless you want to wear a skirt or a dress just try on the god damn jeans." She shot back.

I let out a grunt in frustration and snatched the damn jeans off her and began to strip off the jeans I already had on.

As I slipped my leg through I had to gather them up at the ankle to help pull them up my legs as they were so tight.

"These are too tight!" I whined.

"I'll help." Rosalie jumped up and walked over to me, helping me slip in them. Once I had them past my hips I was able to zip them up comfortably.

"Look at your ass!" Rosalie complimented as she gave me a light slap.

I tried looking at my ass in the mirror and but that never helped much, I was never satisfied with myself anyway. Also this wasn't my type of clothing. I hated being so obvious, especially with such low self confidence.

"Ok, now I have the perfect top to go with that." Alice said as she turned back to her closet and began rummaging through the hangers. She pulled out a black, long sleeve cotton sweater. It was a v-neck at the front, a bit low for my liking and a v-neck at the back, stopping half way down my back.

"Here." She threw it at me and I shook my head in frustration as I began to put it on.

"I can't wear a bra with this," I pointed out. "You can see the straps in the back, it's so low."

"That's why you don't wear one." Rosalie informed.

"Here, put these nipple guards on, the weather is cold after all." Alice added with a chuckle.

I knew there was no use arguing so I slipped off my bra and tried to stick the nipple guards on, turning my back to Alice and Rosalie.

"You look like a stunner!" Alice cheered. "I'm so great!" She clapped.

"Now sit. Let me take these rollers out." Rosalie ordered. I sat down in front of Alice's wardrobe mirror while Rosalie began rolling out my hair and brushing her fingers through it to help loosen them a bit. My hair looked great I had to admit. It was more defined waves than curls, making my hair look thick and shiny. She put a few products in it to help it hold its shape. Alice started on my makeup but did it really light, how I liked it. By the end, I had to admit I was impressed. I never really dressed up at all so it was nice change for me.

Alice got dressed, curling her short hair slightly and wearing a long sleeved short cotton charcoal dress with black stockings also. She slipped on her ankle boots that looked the same as Rosalie's. She pulled out some black leather pumps and held them out to me. I looked at the shoes than back at her blankly.

"Here," she said as she thrust them lightly toward me to get me to take them.

"I'm not wearing those," I chuckled uncomfortably.

"Then what are you going to wear?" Rosalie challenged. "Your chucks?" She laughed.

I looked back at the pumps in Alice's hand and cringed as I took them off her.

"I hate you both and I'm going to make you pay." I said through my teeth.

I slipped them on and stood up, attempting to walk in them. They were quite comfortable so I couldn't really complain. I just had to walk slowly so I wouldn't trip.

Alice and Rosalie did the final touches on themselves with perfume and jewelry and then we headed out. I grabbed my hoodie off the couch where I had placed it when I arrived and Alice snatched it off me.

"No you don't." She yelled.

"It's freezing outside." I debated.

"This doesn't match!"

"I don't care. You got your way with me and now I'm getting my way with my hoodie. I'll take it off inside, I'm sure it will be sweltering inside among the heated bodies."

She huffed in annoyance but gave it back to me as we headed out. I climbed into my truck as I had to drive back home on the way back. Alice and Rosalie went in her red Porsche.

I knew Paul lived in a secluded part of Forks that was quite far from the main stream of houses. We arrived and as soon as I exited the car I could hear the music booming through the house. I think it was 'Ignition by R Kelly' playing.

Rosalie and Alice met me at the end of the drive way and we headed inside toward the door that was left open for people to arrive without having to knock. The house was a three story mansion, red brick with double French doors. I knew he had a huge back yard that was perfect for entertaining.

I was nervous as I had never been to any of Paul's parties and I knew they were a big thing. This wasn't my type of scene, I wasn't into drinking all that much and dancing, definitely not dancing.

"Jasper said he would be arriving with Jacob." Alice said as we walked arms linked into one another up to the door. I was hoping Jake didn't get drunk. He tends to become really friendly and touchy feely when he does.

We walked through the doors and we unlinked our arms in order to fit through the door way. The house was packed but there was enough room to move around comfortably. I held onto Rosalie's hand knowing Alice was going to disappear as soon as she spotted Jasper.

There was a stair case right at the entrance to the left. The informal lounge was to your right and then right in front of me was a little hall that led to what looked like the kitchen. The hall had a door on either side.

We walked further in, down the hall and to the kitchen that was supposed to lead us out to the backyard. I kept my head down as we walked in, feeling self conscious among the tardy girls in their skimpy outfits. I was also hoping Mike wouldn't spot me.

We reached the kitchen that was huge. White granite bench tops and dark oak cupboards. Their kitchen looked as big as their lounge. I noticed that to my left was a huge formal dining room and just past it was the main lounge. People were everywhere, scattered on the couches, sitting on the kitchen benches, the stools, dancing on the coffee table in the middle of the lounge. They all had drinks in their hands.

"Would you like a drink?" Rosalie yelled into my ear over the sound of the music that was playing 'Lady Ga Ga's, Just Dance' now.

"Yeah, whatever you're having." I replied. I really just needed a drink to help calm my nerves.

"Ok, wait here, I'll be back." She let go of my hand and walked over to the kitchen leaving me standing beside a couch.

I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone. It was really hot inside so I took my hoodie off and draped it over the couch.

"BELLA!" I turned to the sound of my name and saw Jacob walking toward me from the yard. He had a beer bottle in this hand and was wearing a navy blue hoodie with some dark jeans.

"Hey, Jake!" I tried yelling over the music as he approached. He gave me a friendly hug before he leaned against the wall and took a swig of his beer.

"Where are the girls?"

"Alice is looking for Jasper and Rosalie is grabbing me a drink." I said as I scanned the room and watched a couple dancing on top of the coffee table.

"Speaking of drinks…" I followed Jacob's line of vision and saw Rosalie with two beer bottles in her hands, held up above her head as she tried to push her way past the crowd.

"Here you go. Hey Jake." She greeted as she handed me a bottle. I took a long swig of it. "Can we go outside? It's quite stuffy in here." Rosalie complained as she wrinkled her nose.

"Let's go." Jake led the way outside to the far corner of the yard. There were about fifteen people outside.

"Hey Paul!" Jake called Paul over who was standing talking with James. He walked over to us and gave Jake a slap on the back.

"Enjoying yourselves I hope." Paul smiled at us. His eyes were red and stoned as he struggled to focus on our eyes properly.

"Sure are."

"Hey, Bella its great you finally decided to come."

"Well, I heard your parties are great so….I came." I shrugged as I took another swig of my beer.

"I need another drink, see you later."

Paul parted and headed inside. As I followed Paul head inside, I saw Edward stepping outside with a drink in his hand, smiling at Paul as he passed him. He looked over the crowd briefly, his eyes passing me quickly. He looked back at me for a second before he looked away again. He looked really sexy. His hair was messier than usual, it looked like he had tried to tame it with hair gel but it just fell everywhere, a few strands hanging down onto his forehead. I felt like running over to him and running my fingers through his hair to brush it off his face. He was wearing a black military jacket that made him look….

"Earth to Bella!" Jake laughed waving his hand in front of me. I took a step back from his waving hand and looked down at my feet.

"Sorry."

"What had you so occupied?" Rose tried following my gaze but Edward had moved.

"Nothing."

I took a long swig of my beer trying hard not to look in the direction of where Edward was standing. From the corner of my eye I saw him standing by himself smoking.

"I'm going inside girls." Jake said before turning and walking inside leaving me and Rosalie alone.

"So, you think Emmett will be here?" I asked.

"He is. I saw him when I was grabbing us drinks. He smiled at me and I smiled back." She gushed like he had asked her out. I shook my head as I chuckled.

"He smiled?" I mocked.

"Shut up. It wasn't like a friendly smile. It was more like a….a…seductive smile, I guess you could say."

"Well, why don't you go talk to him?" I suggested.

I noticed then Lauren walking outside, wearing skin tight black pants with a tight cream colored sweater that her breasts were straining against. I followed her as she headed over to Edward and planted a long lingering kiss on his lips. I quickly looked away not being able to stare at them. I don't know why I cared so much. I didn't like him, he was rude and arrogant, especially toward me. And I knew that he would never see me as anything close at all, even as friends. But I found I cringed whenever I saw him with Lauren. Maybe that was because I didn't like her.

"Bella?" I snapped my head toward Rosalie looking apologetic again. I hadn't heard a word she said.

"What's wrong with you tonight?" She asked looking at me questioningly. "That's the second time I've had to snap you out of your day dreaming."

"Sorry, um…do you want to go inside?" I asked.

"Ok,"

As we turned to head inside, Edward walked past us holding Lauren's hand as she followed a step behind him. I shook my head to stop my thoughts and followed behind them.

**EPOV**

I led Lauren through the crowd of people and to the nearest bathroom which was just in the little hall past the kitchen. I knocked on the door and tried the knob, it was unlocked and I didn't hear anyone answer. I clicked it open a crack and peered my head in and found it was empty.

_Perfect._

I led us both in and closed the door behind us and made sure to lock it. As soon as I turned around my lips were attacked with fervor. She tasted like alcohol but I was sure I tasted like smokes and alcohol so I couldn't complain. She moaned into my mouth as I grasped her hips and thrust her against my straining erection. She had been pretty much on back since I arrived tonight so I was going to give it to her to shut her up.

I spun us around so that her back was against the wall and her hands found the hair at the nape of my neck, pushing my head further down into her warm mouth. She forced her tongue between my lips and found mine. She was breathing heavily now as she continued to let out little moans in pleasure.

"Edward, I want you." She breathed against my lips.

The four words that I was so used to hearing.

I thrust her up against the wall aggressively as my lips left her mouth and trailed down her neck, giving little nips and licks along her skin, allowing her to loll her neck to give me better access. Her hands left my hair and began to travel down my chest till she reached the button of my pants. As she began to fumble with the button and zipper, I pulled back enough to rip my jacket off. I wanted a fuck more than I wanted her. There was nothing but the release that I needed from her, that goes with every girl I've been with really.

She finally managed to undo my pants and pull them down as I slipped my fingers under the hem of her sweater and pulled it up over her head and threw it to the floor. My throbbing erection was becoming painful and I was desperate for that release. I pushed myself off of her as I stepped out of my pants. Before I could step back toward her she was on her knees and rubbing me through my briefs. My head fell back as her warm hand gave me the friction I was dying for.

"Fucking hell." I moaned as she pulled my briefs down and in one swift movement she encased my dick into her warm and wet mouth.

She went for it, sucking and licking as one of her hands grasped the base of my shaft and began moving her hand up and down in sync with her mouth.

Her mouth worked like a vacuum, her lips gripping tightly around me as she worked her talent. She twirled her tongue around my dick as she moved. It felt so fucking good.

"I'm gonna fucking come…" I breathed out.

It wasn't often girls kept me in their mouth, most of them pulled back but Lauren shoved me deep into the back of her throat where I exploded. My head fell back again, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as she swallowed every last drop.

I opened my eyes and tried to focus on getting my breathing under control as I lifted my head to look down at her. She was licking the tip of my erection making sure she cleaned me up well. I smirked down at her. It was great watching a girl do that. She looked up at me from under her lashes as she stood up to face me.

"That was great." I thanked as I reached down to grab my pants. We were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Fuck." I muttered. "Give me a sec." I called out in frustration.

Aren't there any other bathrooms? I should have taken her upstairs. I was sure no one would go upstairs. She slipped her top back on as I struggled to step into my briefs and jeans. Once we were both dressed, I opened the door and found none other than strawberries and vanilla girl, Bella.

Her eyes widened in shock as she spotted Lauren behind me and then quickly looked to the ground. I had to admit she looked sexy as hell tonight. I hadn't realized how hot her body was till she walked in tonight with those tight jeans and tight top. Her top was quite low in the front and I could just spot the beginning of some very nice cleavage.

I pulled Lauren behind me as I slipped past Bella and headed outside for a drag.

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe it. The last person I had expected to open that bathroom door was Edward. And if that wasn't bad enough, Lauren was in there with him. I didn't even want to think what they were doing inside because just the thought of it, made my stomach churn. I quickly looked down as soon as I saw them. I didn't want them to see my blush when I realized what I had interrupted. I also couldn't look Edward in the eye knowing he was probably in there having sex with Lauren, like I needed any more reason to hate her.

I didn't bother going into the bathroom after that, I just walked back toward the lounge to where Rosalie, Alice and Jacob were sitting. I sat down on the couch beside Jacob and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. He had already gone through three bottles of beer and was now on his fourth.

"I might need to drive you home." I suggested worriedly as I watched him take a long sip of his beer.

"I'll be fine, babe. Jasper is giving me a lift."

"Where's Jasper?" I asked looking around the room.

"He's outside." Alice answered. I looked outside and found Jasper talking surprisingly to Edward. They were laughing about something as Jasper patted Edward on the back as he laughed.

"You look really sexy." Jacob whispered into my ear.

"Thank you." I answered with a smile.

"You always look sexy but tonight you look extra sexy. Your ass looks fucking hot." He slurred.

"I love you too Jake." I laughed as I leaned my head onto his shoulder. It was nothing new to me. Whenever he got drunk he acted this way.

"So, I spoke to Emmett!" Rose said excitedly as she patted my knee to get my full attention. I lifted my head off of Jake's shoulder to look at her.

"Yeah? What did you talk about?"

"He moved here with his brother, Edward and their father from Seattle. He didn't mention why, it seems to be a bit personal from what I could gather but he likes it here so far."

"Personal? What do you mean?" I asked wanting to know more information about Edward.

"Well, he just skipped over the reason when I asked him why. He said it wasn't important but I could tell he was just hiding something. Anyways, we got talking and he is so funny and so charming. We're meeting up for lunch tomorrow!" She grinned. She was bouncing in her seat in excitement.

"Wow! That was quick. I'm happy for you." I leaned my head on her shoulder to show her how happy I was.

"Any one you fancy?" Alice asked looking at me.

"Yeah me!" Jake laughed but I could almost sense a little seriousness in his tone. I slapped him on the leg as I laughed.

"Ah…not really, no." I lied as I took a quick glance at Edward outside. He was still talking to Jasper. Jasper was even smoking with him, Jasper rarely ever smoked so that surprised me a bit.

"Looks like Jasper has taken a liking to that Edward fellow." Jake said disgustingly.

"Yeah, I noticed." Alice agreed as she turned to take a look at Jasper. "Jasper is so hot." She sighed happily.

"Oh my god! I love this song!" Rose squealed as she started moving to the beat in her seat. It was 'Nelly's Hot in here' that began to sing out of the speakers. It was one of those songs that you couldn't help but move to.

"Let's dance!" Rosalie jumped up grabbing Alice and my hands to pull us up. Alice stood up quickly, loving any chance to dance but I didn't want to.

"No, I'm not dancing. I really don't want to." I said trying to free my hand from Rosalie's deadly grip.

"Oh come on Bella." Jake joined in now pulling me up with my other hand.

"Guys please, no!" I tried saying more forcefully but it was useless against Rosalie freakishly strong grip and Jake's huge muscle. I was forced up against my own will and led over to the group of people that were dancing.

I was pulled in between the group of people as Rosalie and Alice got right into it, grinding against each other seductively.

'_I was like, good gracious ass is bodacious Uh, flirtatcious, tryin to show patience Lookin for the right time to shoot my steam (you know) Waitin for the right time to flash them keys Then um I'm leavin, please believin'_

Before I knew it, Jake had a hold of my hips and was swaying his hips against mine to the beat. I tried pushing him away but he held me down tightly.

"Just relax." He said into my ear over the music. I began to move slowly, not really getting into it, as my back was against Jake's hard chest.

'_(I said), It's gettin' hot in here (so hot) So take off all your clothes I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off (I said), It's gettin hot in here (so hot) So take off all your clothes I am gettin So hot, I wanna take my clothes off'_

Jake leaned his face down so that it was near mine as he pressed my ass into his crotch. It was something we did often, we had danced together before but I couldn't help but notice tonight was slowly crossing that line. He never pushed me against his crotch and I have to admit it was uncomfortable. Our hips were swaying in sync with each other as his hands grasped onto mine and pulled them up to grab onto the back of his neck.

**EPOV**

"You're a fucking crack up!" I bellowed out as Jasper told me the shit he used to get up to with chicks before he started dating that little pixie.

"Yeah, well, now with Alice…she is great man. I don't need all that pointless bull shit." He smiled as he searched inside looking for her. "Fuck, is it weird my sister and girlfriend are dancing seductively against one another?" He asked looking disgusted and turned on at the same time.

I laughed as I followed his gaze. But it wasn't at Alice and Rose that I was looking at, it was Bella and that Jake dude that I had never spoken to. Paul had mentioned him a couple of times. I wasn't sure what they were, but I knew they were close. Tonight they looked like they were dating. I watched as his hands grasped onto her hips, guiding her against his. Her hands were at the back of his neck behind her, she was looking down to her side and she seemed to be little uncomfortable. Put that aside, she looked hot as fuck. I couldn't help but feel a little jealousy as I watched Jake rub himself against her like that.

"You ok?" Jasper asked snapping my focus away from the grinding happening inside.

"Yeah, just need a cigarette. You want one?" I asked holding out the pack for him as I placed one between my lips.

"Nah, I might head inside and join Alice. Wanna come?" He asked as he nodded his head toward the house.

"I'm fine right here."

"Suit yourself." He turned and headed inside.

I watched as he walked over to Alice and pulled her away from Rosalie and began to grind himself against her. Before I knew it, Emmett appeared out of no where and led Rosalie away from her friends a little. He grasped onto her hips and began to guide her with his as he stared down at her. He seemed to really like her. He's had only one serious girlfriend before. They lasted five months before she cheated on him. Other than that he was just as bad a player as I was.

I took a long drag as I turned my focus back to Bella and Jake. He had spun her around now so that she was facing him. He looked down at her, eye fucking her I'm sure as she looked back up at him although I couldn't see her face clearly.

"Eddie!" Lauren exclaimed as she came running out. She had called me that a few times and I fucking hated it. "Come dance with me!" She grabbed my arm and began pulling me inside. I pulled my arm out of her grip and stood my ground.

"I don't dance." I said flatly.

"Oh, come on. You can do whatever you want to me later if you just do this one dance with me." She purred.

I took another puff of my cigarette as I contemplated her offer.

"Nuh." I smiled mockingly. "Sorry."

"You're no fun." She pouted as she headed back inside leaving me alone in the yard.

Everyone was inside, either drinking or dancing. I walked over the other side of the yard and found the little pathway leading down the side of the house. I slipped myself around the corner out of anyone's sight and pulled a joint out of the inside pocket of my jacket. I lit it up and took a nice long drag, inhaling it deeply before blowing it out slowly.

_Fucking great shit_

**BPOV**

'Closer by Neyo' was playing now and I was getting tired from all the dancing. Jacob had me glued to him the whole time so my attempts at escaping him were near impossible. And worse still, he was swaying he was so drunk that at times he was leaning all his weight on me.

"Hey, I've had enough," I said into his ear as I tried to lead him over to the couch for the fifth time since we started dancing. He tried resisting me but I persisted. Thankfully Jasper came over and tried to hold Jacob up on the other side to help me.

"Let's get him over to the couch." Jasper yelled to me over the music.

I nodded and then helped as much as I could to get Jacob over to the couch. We managed to drag him through the flood of people dancing and flop him down onto a couch. His eyes were drooping from the alcohol as he looked up at us.

"You ok with him?" Jasper asked me.

"Yeah, I might head outside a little though."

"Ok, well I'm going back to Alice." I nodded and he turned to back to where Alice was still dancing.

"You're not going anywhere," Jacob slurred as he tried pulling me down by my hand.

"Jake, you're drunk. I think you should rest a little. I'll be back in a second." I needed to head outside as he was becoming very clingy to me from the alcohol.

"Bella! Bella!" He yelled with his hands held out in front of him trying to mock 'Stella!' from a street car named desire. He burst into laughter at himself. I shook my head at him and walked outside. Luckily no one was there, so I took a walk to the end of the yard to where there was a swing situated.

"Psst." I heard someone call. I turned around and found no one there. "Hey." I looked again and furrowed my brows in confusion. "Over here." I followed the voice that was coming from the side of the house.

I found Edward sitting down, his back against the side of the house with his knees bent in front of him. He seemed to be smoking what looked like a joint. I walked slowly toward him to see what he wanted.

"Sit." He stated simply nodding to the space beside him.

I looked down at where he suggested then back at him in confusion. He was usually so rude to me and avoided me at all costs. I wasn't sure what he wanted from me tonight.

"I won't bite," He said angrily as I continued to stare at him. I hesitated a little before I finally slumped down beside him leaving a comfortable distance between us.

"You do this often?" I asked pointing to the joint he held between his index and thumb in the hand resting on one of his knees.

"Define often," He said turning to look at me briefly before taking a drag of his joint. When I didn't answer he spoke. "About once a week."

"Can I try?" The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. I wasn't even sure why I asked. I hated drugs but like I've said before, Edward seems to have this power over me and at this moment I wanted to join him, maybe just so I could get a little closer to him. He looked at me and snickered before he spoke.

"This will fuck you up…so no. This shit isn't for you."

"What makes you think that?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, for starters…you don't seem the type that _would _try anything like this. You're not one of those girls." He said as he looked at me seriously.

"What do you mean by one of _those _girls?"

"Forget I said anything," he huffed as he started picking at something on the floor between his feet with his free hand.

"I wanna know." I pushed.

"Have you ever tried any sort of drugs?" He asked turning back to look at me.

"No…"

"Ok, have you ever been drunk?"

I hesitated a little as I knew where he was going with this, "No…" I answered looking away now.

"Have you ever snuck out of home?"

"No…" my voice was low as I knew he was making his point clear.

"Have you had sex?" He asked next. My head snapped around to look at him, my cheeks blazing red.

"That's none of your business," I answered quickly as I looked away embarrassed.

"That's what I thought," He chuckled. It was silence for a little bit as I tried to get over my embarrassment and he finished off his joint.

"So, you really haven't had sex before?" He asked seriously this time, breaking the silence.

"I said it's none of your business," I murmured.

"I take that as a _no_."

We were silent again for a while. As I opened my mouth to ask what he wanted from me he spoke first.

"Have you fooled around at all at least?" He asked seriously as if concerned for me.

I turned and glared at him but he continued to look at me waiting for me to answer. I took a deep breath before I answered.

"No,"

"Really? Fuck."

"Is it so wrong that I haven't done anything? That I'm not a whore like _Lauren_?" I snapped suddenly getting angry at being made to feel like an idiot.

"No, that's not what I meant. Geez calm the fuck down." He said angrily.

"I'm leaving," I mumbled as I began to stand up but he grabbed my hand to stop me and it felt like an electric current shot through me from his touch. I looked down at our hands and he seemed to have noticed it too. He pulled his hand away and looked pissed.

"I'm sorry," He said quickly as he looked down at the ground.

"Me too," I said coldly as I got up and walked away.

I walked back inside and flopped myself on the couch beside Jake who was now sleeping. I crossed my arms against my chest in frustration with myself. Why did I let him get to me like that? I knew he didn't like me and he had been rude many times before but I still let myself give in and sit down beside him. Now he probably thinks I'm some inexperienced virgin that no one wants.

Alice and Jasper walked over to me hand in hand. Alice sat beside me while Jasper sat next on the other side of Alice.

"You ok?" Alice asked leaning into my ear so that I could hear her over the music of "Stronger by Kanye West," that was now playing. I nodded and gave her a forced smile as I fiddled impatiently with my fingers.

From my peripheral vision I saw Edward walk inside. I looked over at him and found him looking over at me with furrowed brows, he still looked pissed. I quickly looked away avoiding his gaze but noticed he disappeared down the hall.

"You ready to go?" I asked Alice who was leaning her head against Jasper's shoulder.

"Umm…I have to wait for Rosalie."

"Do you mind if I leave now?" I asked hoping I could just get out of here.

"Yeah, sure. Are you ok to head home alone?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I leaned forward so I could see Jasper, "Hey Jazz, you taking Jake home right?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, well I'm heading off."

I stood up and Alice stood up with me. I gave her a hug and a kiss and then gave Jasper a little kiss on the cheek before walking over to the dance floor where Rosalie was still dancing with Emmett.

"I'm leaving." I yelled into her ear so she could hear me. She stopped dancing as she turned to me.

"Why? Stay!"

"No, I really want to go home." I said. I smiled up at Emmett who was smiling down at me. He had the cutest dimples when he smiled. A shame his brother wasn't as friendly as him.

"Ok. I'll call you tomorrow." She kissed me on the cheek. I waved bye to Emmett as I turned and grabbed my hoodie off the couch and put it on before heading for the door, keeping my head down to avoid being caught by anyone.

"Hey!" I felt a hand grab onto my arm and stop me. I looked up and found Mike Newton.

_Crap._

"Hey," I said shifting impatiently from foot to foot just wanting to leave.

"Where have you been all night?"

"Just around. I was just leaving." I tried smiling.

"You got a ride home?"

"Yeah, I drove here. See ya." I didn't wait for him to say bye as I made my way to the door.

Once outside I let out a long breath in relief. I began walking hurriedly to my car just needing to get out of there.

I crossed the street to my truck and noticed Edward leaning against a jeep that was parked four cars in front of mine. When he spotted me he pushed himself off the car and began walking after me.

"Bella!" He called out, but I kept walking. "Bella wait."

I got to my car and fumbled for my keys in my hoodie pocket. I was trying to be quick and so when I pulled them out I dropped them and he caught up to me, grabbing my arm to turn me around to face him. I pulled my arm out of his grip and tried to ignore him.

"Can I just speak to you for a second?" He asked seriously.

"What do you want from me?" I asked impatiently and in annoyance as I finally turned to face him. "One minute you're being nice and the next minute you seem to hate my guts." I said angrily.

"I don't hate you." He said through clenched teeth.

"Well then what's your problem?" I snapped. I was mad at myself for letting him affect me like this. I didn't even know him and I wanted him to like me.

"A lot of things. I'm a fucked up prick. Happy?!" He shot back.

"I need to go home." I murmured as bent down to pick up my keys and unlocked my truck. He stood there and watched me as I climbed in and shut the door. I turned the ignition and pulled out without glancing in his direction.

I fought back tears on the way home. Why was I acting this way? Maybe it was because he was the first guy that I had felt any sort of interest for and I knew he was unattainable to me, also because he didn't like me. I finally got home and quietly made my way into the house trying not to wake Renee and Phil.

I heard noises coming from their bedroom as I ascended the stairs and I cringed as I hurried to my bedroom trying to not think about what they were doing. I shut the door behind me and kicked off my heels before I began stripping out of my uncomfortable clothes.

I pulled my pajamas out of my dresser and slipped on my pajamas pants and tank top. I climbed into bed and snuggled under the covers trying to rid my mind of what happened between Edward and me tonight. I knew I couldn't like him. I couldn't like someone that was so rude like that. He wasn't for me and he couldn't be for me. Even if he was, he would never go for me and tonight he proved to me why I shouldn't like him. But the funny thing was, even after everything that happened tonight I couldn't stop myself from liking him, I still liked him the same as I did before tonight if not more.

It took me a few hours to fall asleep but when I finally did, I dreamt of those green eyes and bronze disheveled hair.

I was so screwed.

* * *

_**What did you all think? Poor Edward, he really doesn't know how to communicate with people all that well.**_

_**I hope most of you don't mind the whole him and Lauren thing, but he is a player. Don't worry there wont be much going on between them after this...sexually i mean.**_

_**REVIEW and tell me what you thought? Was this chapter better? This chapter is actually one of my favorites so far. :)  
**_


	3. Group Date

**A/N - Thank you to those of you who have given this story a chance and reviewed also. It really does mean so much to me....so thank you again.**

**This chapter starts off from the morning after the party.**

**Virtual family...love you all to pieces...**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight...not me...unfortunately.

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**EPOV**

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and went over to the fridge to get the milk. I pulled out the carton and found it was empty.

"What the fuck?" I muttered.

Emmett strolled into the kitchen whistling like a fucking chirpy morning person.

"Stop the fucking whistling. Are you the idiot that put an empty milk carton back in the fridge?" I asked irritably.

"Possibly," He answered calmly as he pulled out four bread slices and began popping them into the toaster. I walked over to him and slapped him on the back of his head.

"Ouch! What the fuck was that for?" He asked turning around as he rubbed the back of his head.

"For putting an empty carton back in the fridge, next time throw it out."

I looked at my sad plate of dried cereal. What the hell was I supposed to eat now? I looked up and saw that Emmett had walked out of the kitchen so I went over to the toaster and pulled out his toasts and then grabbed the butter and jam. I began spreading them on when he walked back in.

"Hey! That's my fucking toast!" He said glaring at me.

"Make more." I said grinning mockingly as I took a bite out of one. "Serves you right for not throwing the carton out."

"Fucking bitch," He muttered as he went to replace his toast.

"So, what are you doing today?" I asked taking another bite of my toast.

"I'm meeting up with Rosalie for lunch. Dunno what I'm doing after that. You?" He asked as he pulled out his toast and walked over to sit opposite me at the breakfast bar.

"You asked her out?"

"Yeah kinda, last night at Paul's…Just casual first off…see how we go."

"So you didn't sleep with her last night?"

"What? No. I'm not going to treat her like that. She seems really great."

"Whatever." I said taking the last bite of my toast.

"So what are doing today?"

"Don't know. Just hanging around I guess. Might see what Jasper is doing."

"Yeah, I spoke with him last night. He seems like a good guy."

"He is. Seems like a genuine person too. Anyway, I'm off." I got up and rinsed my plate before heading up to my room and called Jasper.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jasper. What you up to?"

"Nothing much, just meeting Alice later on."

"Oh ok. What's there to do in a small town like this?" I sighed in boredom.

"Ah…how bout we go to the movies later on tonight? How's that sound?"

"Yeah, ok. Where should I meet you?"

"How bout your place at about seven? We'll go from there."

"Sure, ok."

"Great, see ya Edward."

"Bye Jasper."

I hung up and lay back on my bed. I hadn't drunk that much last night so I was feeling ok, thankfully. My phone started ringing and I checked the caller id, _Lauren_. I wasn't in the mood for her so I ignored it. I decided I might as well just laze around the house till tonight.

**  
BPOV**

I did a little spin for Rosalie and Alice feeling like a damn Barbie doll. They never seemed to understand that I hated getting dressed up.

"Perfect, now try the purple one on." Alice said pointing to my change room.

"No, no more. You're lucky I'm even buying the damn dress." I huffed as I went back into my change room and began changing back into my clothes.

When I walked back out I found them both gone. I bent over to see both their legs in one change room each. I groaned as I realized this was going to take a while.

"Hey, guys can I meet you at the food court in like half an hour?" I yelled over the doors.

"I'm not eating because I'm meeting Emmett for lunch in an hour." Rosalie panted as I watched her feet jumping as she tried to slip some jeans on.

"Ok, well then how about you Alice?" I asked hoping she would say yes. I hadn't had anything except a cup of coffee so I was quite hungry.

"Yeah, I'll eat."

"Ok, half an hour." I knocked on both their doors to make sure they heard me clearly.

I purchased the damn deep blue dress that they both made me try on. Once that was done I walked around the shops by myself just glad I was finally able to shop for whatever I wanted to buy and wear. I bought some new tennis shoes as my old pair really needed throwing out and a pair of new faded jeans, I loved my jeans, I practically lived in them. I also found a nice pair of black converse shoes that I couldn't help but buy. Yeah, I just practically spent my allowance for the month…I really needed to get a job.

I headed over to the food court, bags in hand and found an empty table. After about ten minutes of waiting, I saw Alice and Rosalie approaching with twice the amount of bags than me each.

"Hey," Rosalie sighed as she slumped herself into a seat. Alice sat down and placed her bags on the floor between her legs.

"You ready to eat?" I asked looking at Alice.

"Yeah,"

We both got up and grabbed some lunch while Rosalie stayed seated. We both bought a burger with fries and coke and headed back to our table.

"Where are you meeting Emmett?" I asked as I popped a fry into my mouth.

"He is picking me up from my place."

"So it's a date." Alice stated not asked.

"What? I don't know, its just lunch."

"Yeah but if he picks you up it's a date."

I laughed at Alice's reasoning. "You guys really follow that stuff?" I asked as I took a sip of my coke.

"You have to." Alice looked at me shocked like I had just asked the stupidest question under the sun.

"I really like him, different to how I like other guys. Not to mention how freakin hot he is." Rosalie gushed.

"He is hot and so is his brother. It's a shame his brother seems a little weird." Alice said.

I just nodded without saying anything. I wasn't about to tell them what happened at the party, they would just break down every word and analyze it, I wasn't in the mood for that.

We ate our lunch while we chatted about things in general. Once Alice and I had finished we headed back to Rosalie's Porsche. She dropped me and Alice off home before heading off herself for her so called 'date' with Emmett.

I walked in and found Renee at the kitchen table reading the paper.

"Hey baby," Renee smiled up at me from her newspaper.

"Hey mum. Just give me a sec." I ran up stairs and threw my bags onto my bed before going back downstairs and joined her at the kitchen table.

"Did you go shopping?" She asked folding her paper and placing it beside her.

"Yeah, I bought a few things."

"That's great. I just hope you didn't over spend." She arched an eyebrow at me.

"No. Almost…but no." I laughed.

"Phil and I have a dinner to go to tonight so we won't be home till late."

"That's alright. I'll probably just be at home."

"Go out, have fun Bella."

"I do have fun." I mumbled.

"Whatever baby. Would you like a sandwich?"

"No, I ate. I might just go and catch up on some homework." I said standing up.

"Ok, well, we will be leaving at about 6.30."

"Ok,"

I got up and went to my room to do some home work. After I finished I decided to send an email to Charlie. I had managed to teach him how to use the internet and email about two months ago when I went and visited him. He was so funny because he was so confused in the beginning when I tried to teach him but then finally got the hang of it.

Once I did that I decided to have a little nap. I got woken up some time later by a message on my phone. I rolled over groaning and grabbed it off the bed side table. It was from Alice.

**Going to the movies tonight at 7. Wanna come?**

I thought it about for second and decided it would be better than sitting home alone.

**Sure. Where should I meet you?"**

**Drive to my place and we'll go from there.**

**Ok : )**

I looked at the clock and found it was 5 already. Wow, that was a long nap. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I forced myself to sit up in bed. I really needed a shower to get the products out of my hair from last night.

I took a shower, washing my hair in my strawberry shampoo three times to get the crap Rosalie put in their thoroughly out. I finished my shower, shaving my legs as well, I don't know why but I did and then climbed out.

I wrapped a towel in my hair and slipped on my pink bra and thong. Rosalie had taught me to wear thongs when I wear tight jeans to avoid seeing underwear lines. I hated them in the beginning but I understood where she was coming from so I endured it. Now I love them and would never go back to normal underwear.

I pulled the towel out of my hair and wrapped it around me and hurried to my room. I pulled on my new faded skinny jeans and long grey jumper. I put my new black converse trainers on and went back to the bathroom to fix my hair. I applied my vanilla serum that was supposed to make it shiny, this was all Rosalie and Alice's doing so I just went along. I dried it with the blow drier, leaving it dry to its natural waves before walking back to my room and putting on some clear lip gloss. Once I was satisfied I looked ok I went down stairs.

It was 6.30 already and I found Renee rushing about trying to finish getting ready.

"Everything ok?" I asked as my head followed her scurrying around the living room.

"Can't find my other damn earring….You know the gold one with the little hearts on it." She huffed as she lifted a cushion off the couch to look under it.

"Why would it be there?" I asked confused.

"I don't know, I don't know where to look."

"Can't you just wear another pair?"

"I can, but those ones go great with what I'm wearing." She straightened up and turned to look at me. "You look pretty where are you going?" She asked smiling back at me.

"Just the movies with Alice."

"Oh ok."

"Renee, you ready?" Phil bellowed from the top of the stairs as he began to descend them.

"Almost." Renee rushed past me giving me a quick kiss on the cheek as she ran back up the stairs almost knocking Phil off balance.

"You going out?" Phil asked looking at me.

"The movies." I stated as I turned into the kitchen.

"Curfew remember." He said pointing at me.

"I know, be home by eleven." I muttered as I grabbed a glass of water. Renee said they won't be home till late so he wouldn't know what time I got home.

"Ok, I'm ready," Renee panted as she hurried down the stairs.

"Great let's go." Phil opened the door and headed out while Renee came over to me and gave me a hug. She was so big on showing affection.

"We'll be home probably at one or something. But that doesn't mean you ignore your curfew." She warned with a slight smile.

"Ok,"

"Bye baby." With one last kiss on my forehead she hurried out after Phil.

I flicked through the channels for a while trying to pass the time before I had to be at Alice's. With fifteen minutes to go I ran upstairs, grabbed my purse shoving some money, my phone and lip gloss into it and ran back downstairs and out to my truck.

I got to Alice's place and knocked on the door. Her house was two stories and really big, still pretty brand new.

The door swung open and her adoptive mother, Carrey opened up.

"Good evening Mrs. Brandon." I smiled as she moved aside to let me in.

"Hello Bella. You're looking beautiful."

"Thank you," I blushed as I turned around to face her.

"Alice is just upstairs getting ready if you want to head up."

"I will thanks." I smiled before walking up the marble stairs and to her bedroom. I knocked twice before opening it.

"Bella, thank god! Tell me, blue or yellow?" She said holding up two shirts on either side of her to show me. She was such a bubble of energy.

"Yellow," I said taking a seat on the edge of her bed.

"You think? I was thinking blue."

"Then why did you ask?" I laughed.

"Ok, yellow it is." She threw the blue one onto her bed and slipped the yellow one over her green bra. "Rosalie is going too and bringing Emmett." She said as she fixed her top while facing the mirror.

"Oh really? That's a surprise."

"Yeah lunch went really well apparently. Jasper will be there too and he mentioned something about Edward coming along as well."

"Huh?" My eyes widened at her. _Edward_? _Crap_.

"Yeah, why? Is it ok?"

"Ah…yeah fine. I just didn't expect him to be going that's all."

"Yeah well, he and jasper had organized to go by them selves but when I found out I thought it would be fun if we tagged along, even though I don't really like Edward, but oh well." She said brushing her fingers through her short hair.

I contemplated backing out of going. I really didn't want to see Edward, especially after what happened last night. But I knew I couldn't avoid him for long since I was going to see him on Monday at school anyways. I would just try and avoid him, it shouldn't be that hard considering there was going to be six of us.

"I'm ready, let's go." Alice said snapping me out of my thoughts as she grabbed her bag.

We headed downstairs and said good bye to her mum before getting into Alice's Mercedes convertible. I was the only one with a run down truck but I loved my truck and I wouldn't change it for the world.

The drive to Port Angeles took us a little longer than usual considering it was a Saturday night. She pulled into the first car space she found and we climbed out and began our walk down the side walk to the theatre.

When we arrived we found Emmett and Rosalie already there, standing pretty close to each other and talking.

"Hey!" Alice said skipping over to Rose for a hug. I followed and gave Rose a tight hug too. She looked happy.

"Hey Emmett." I waved over at him.

"Bella! Good to see you guys again. We've already bought everyone tickets." Emmett said flashing six tickets in his hand.

"Jasper!" Alice squealed.

I turned around and Alice ran over to Jasper giving him a kiss on the lips as she grabbed his hand within hers and walked back over to us with him. Edward was walking uncomfortably a little behind Jasper.

"Hey guys." Jasper greeted. He gave a man hug to Emmett before he pulled Alice close to his side.

Edward stood awkwardly beside Emmett and just mumbled a "Hi," to everyone without really making eye contact with anyone in particular, including me.

I stared at him as everyone around us started talking. Edward scanned the theatre with his hands in his jean pockets before landing his eyes on me briefly. His expression was blank, making it hard for me to read what he was thinking.

"Ok, snacks." Rosalie said as she pulled Emmett by the hand to the candy bar. Alice and Jasper followed hand in hand, leaving Edward and I standing alone.

I pushed myself to follow the couples, leaving Edward by himself. We all stood by the candy bar deciding what to get when I felt Edward stand beside me, a few feet away but beside me.

"What are you getting Bella?" Alice asked turning to me.

"Don't know, maybe just a drink and um….a chocolate bar." I shrugged.

"Any in particular?"

"Nope," I said popping the 'p'.

She ordered me my snacks while Edward and Emmett began arguing over who was going to pay for their snacks, they both wanted to pay for the other. It was funny considering they were brothers and their allowance came from the same person.

We grabbed our stuff and headed into the theatre. I had no idea what the hell we were seeing but I didn't really care. Emmett led us over to the back of the theatre to the third last row from the back. He shuffled in, Rosalie beside him, followed by Alice, Jasper, Edward and then lucky last me. I could have gone to the other side to avoid Edward but I would have just ended up next to Emmett and that would have been just as awkward. I frowned over at Alice showing her I wasn't impressed with being put next to Edward. She noticed my concern and then whispered something into Jasper's ear. He then whispered into Edward's ear. Edward looked up at me a little annoyed before moving down one seat, followed by Jasper and then Alice, leaving an empty seat for me between Rosalie and Alice.

I slipped past them sideways and slumped into my seat.

"Sorry," Alice whispered leaning into my ear, "Didn't realize you were going to end up next to Edward,"

"That's ok,"

I took a chance glance at Edward who was now, two people away from me. He had his drink in his hand as he watched the trivia questions popping up on the screen in front of us.

I looked away and tried not to focus on him. A part of me was still mad at him after last night but another freaky part of me actually wanted to be sitting next to him. I wanted to know what was going on with him and why he always acted the way he does. I knew there had to be a reason for it.

**EPOV**

I was pissed.

Did she think I was going to fucking bite her or something? I couldn't believe she made everyone move just so she wouldn't have to sit next to me. But I guess I couldn't totally blame her after what happened last night. I was cruel to her and I made her feel like shit after she told me that she was a virgin and hadn't even fooled around with anyone. I wasn't sure why I reacted the way I did. Maybe because I hadn't expected a girl as sexy as her to still be a virgin. I actually found it a turn on after she told me but the shock of it took over and I acted like she was a freak, which I was learning she wasn't at all. She was beautiful, gentle, kind and innocent, definitely the type that would not look at me twice and definitely not the type I should associate myself with because I was too fucked up for her.

I slid down in my seat till I was comfortable and rested my feet on the back of the seat in front of me. I ripped open the mars bar I bought and ate that as I waited for the movie to start. Apparently we were going to be watching 'Wolverine.' I'm not really into that shit but I guess I was just going to have to endure it.

The movie began and everyone went quiet. Jasper had the arm rest between him and Alice lifted up so that they were cuddling. I took a peek at Bella and she seemed to be too enthralled in the movie already to notice the cuddling going on around her. Emmett had his arm around Rosalie's shoulder but there was still a little distance between them. Half way through the movie I was dying for a cigarette so I tried to discreetly slip out of my seat and out of the theatre.

I was glad once I was outside as the movie wasn't really holding my attention all that much. I stood just outside the entrance by the door and pulled out a smoke. I tried lighting it up, covering it with my hands as the wind was making it difficult. I took in a nice long drag and inhaled it deeply. I scanned the couples walking in and out of theatre as I blew the smoke out of my nose. It was Saturday night so it was expected to find the theatre crowded. I noticed a group of three girls sitting down opposite the candy bar on a bench. One of them was staring at me and smiling shyly. I gave her my crooked smile and she giggled as she looked away. I turned back to the street and relaxed against the wall as I finished off my cigarette.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder and I turned my head to find the girl that I smiled at.

"Hi," She said shyly.

I turned around to fully face her. She had her black hair up in a pony tail. She had pretty hazel eyes and was quite tall too. She was ok looking.

"Hey,"

"Are you here by yourself?" She asked stepping a little closer. I took a drag of my cigarette as I kept my focus on her.

"No," I answered before blowing the smoke to the side.

"Oh, I was going to ask if you wanted to join me and my friends for a movie."

"I'll pass but thanks for the offer."

"I'm Jessie," She held out her hand for a hand shake.

"Edward," I shook her hand.

I took one last drag and then flicked it onto the road.

She took another step closer to me leaving only about a foot between us. She began twirling a lock of her hair around her finger as she looked up at me from under her lashes. I wonder if she was up for a quick fuck.

I smirked at her as I watched her flirt shamelessly with me. Bella caught my attention behind Jessie who was walking over to the toilets. She noticed me but quickly looked away as she quickened her pace to the toilets. I turned my attention back to Jessie.

"Aren't your friends going to get upset that you're ignoring them?"

"They won't mind. Want to go for a walk?" She smiled seductively.

"Ahh…" I noticed Bella walking back out of the toilets and decided I should go back into the movies, "Actually I better get back to my friends." I nodded in farewell and hurried off to follow Bella back inside.

By the time I caught up to her she was already inside. I had wanted to talk to her privately to explain myself again regarding last night without our friends being around. She sat down in her seat and didn't look my way as I sat back down.

The movie finally finished and I couldn't have been happier to finally make it out of there. We filed out and waited for each other in the foyer.

Bella was talking with Rosalie and Alice as Jasper and Emmett were talking around me.

"So you wanna go?" Emmett asked looking at me and snapping me out of my ogling.

"Huh?" I asked dumbly.

"To grab something to eat? The girls are hungry, want to come?" Jasper explained. I didn't really want to go and act friendly to all of them but I wanted to talk to Bella.

"Everyone's going?" I asked.

"Yeah and Jake is going to meet us too," Jasper said.

_Fuck_

"Oh. I guess." I shrugged.

"Great, we'll just walk down to a restaurant that we always eat at. It's just at the end of this street, so there's no need for cars."

"Whatever."

We started our walk with the girls walking off in front of us while Em, Jazz and I walked side by side behind them. My eyes were on Bella's ass the entire time and I was hoping Jazz wouldn't notice. She had a small tight as fuck ass. I felt like running my palms along each cheek and giving them a nice squeeze. I really shouldn't even be thinking these kinds of thoughts.

Alice eventually pulled away from the girls and pulled Jasper away from us so that she could walk hand and hand with him.

"How was lunch?" I asked Emmett as we continued our walk.

"Yeah, good. She knows all about cars, man. Fuck I think that is the biggest turn on for me."

"Did you kiss her?"

"Nuh, maybe after tonight. She seems to be interested in me as much as I am in her." He grinned as he locked his eyes on her ass that swayed in front of us.

We arrived at the restaurant and Jacob was waiting outside for us. Bella ran up to him and gave him a tight hug as he lifted her up slightly as he hugged her back. She giggled as he let her back down and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. I pretended not to notice.

Jasper led everyone in and asked for a table of seven. We had to wait while the waitress organized a table big enough for us and then came back to lead us all in.

I ended up sitting beside Emmett who had Jasper on his side followed by Jacob. No one was opposite Jake but opposite Jasper was Alice, then opposite Emmett was Rosalie and then lucky me I had Bella sitting in front of me. She looked a little uncomfortable sitting in front of me as she wouldn't make eye contact so I fucking decided I would just ignore her if that's what she fucking wanted.

**BPOV**

I managed to escape him at the movies and now here I am sitting in front of him. I would have preferred to sit beside him if I had a choice because that way I wouldn't be forced to see his perfect face every time I looked up. I could've sat in front of Jake if I had known I would end up in front of Edward but I didn't wan to make a deal out of it since I already had at the movies.

Edward looked so damn hot tonight. His hair was all over the place just how I loved it on him. He wore black jeans that he let hang low on his hips and wore an Abercrombie thick sweater on top that clung on to his chiseled body perfectly. He looked like a god, like the hottest fucking god you would ever lay eyes upon. It's a shame he was such a dick.

"So how are you liking Forks so far?" Rosalie asked Edward. I think that was the first time anyone of the girls had spoken to him, Rosalie was probably just doing it for Emmett' sake.

Edward adjusted himself uncomfortably before speaking, "It's ok, boring as fuck but ok." He shrugged. Rosalie just nodded with a forced smile on her face and then turned to speak to Alice. I looked up at him, I really couldn't help it. He was right in front of me looking hot as ever. He was scanning over his menu that he had laying open on the table in front of him and his hands were tucked between his legs. I made myself look away before he caught me staring.

I took a quick look at my menu and just decided to order what I always get, which was the Italian sausage pasta, it was my favorite. The waitress came around and took everyone's order till there was just Edward and I left.

"The Italian sausage pasta and a coke," Edward said looking up at the waitress. My eyes almost bulged out of my head. I didn't want to order the same thing, now he would just think I copied him.

"And you ma'am" The waitress asked.

"I'll have the…" I cleared my throat, "Italian sausage pasta as well."

"Sure and to drink?"

"A coke," I muttered but loud enough for her to hear. I could see Edward staring at me but I just pretended I didn't notice. She walked off to get our drinks while everyone around us joined in conversation, except for Edward and me as we sat at the end of the table.

"I always get that pasta by the way," I blurted out like a god damn idiot.

_Way to go with the stupid word vomit_.

Edward looked up at me with a confused expression on his face.

"Excuse me?" He asked furrowing his thick brows at me.

"Nothing, forget it." I mumbled as I felt my cheeks blazing red from my blush.

I fiddled with my napkin as Edward looked around the restaurant casually, looking everywhere but at me and I was starting to wonder what the hell his problem was. He eventually got up and went outside, Emmett and Jasper following him.

Jake got up and sat in Edward's seat in front of me.

"Hey babe." He grinned.

"Jakey!" I teased.

"Shut up, you know I hate that," he laughed.

"Where were you before?"

"With Seth. He said he should be back at school on Monday."

"Yeah, Rose told me he had a bad flu."

"Yeah, he is ok now though."

"Then why didn't he come here?" I asked.

"He was really tired. How was the movie?" He asked fiddling with Edward's napkin.

"It was good. Hugh Jackman's hot!"

"You girls and your movie stars." He laughed.

"How were you this morning?" I asked with a smirk.

He groaned as he buried his face in his hands, "The worst fucking head ache ever." He groaned again. He looked up at me with a frown. "I threw up a few times too. I'm sorry if I acted like a dick last night, I don't even remember much of it to be honest."

"You were ok, I'm just glad you're ok. I'm not letting you drink that much next time." I said worriedly.

The guys walked back in and took their seats while Edward stood beside Jake waiting for him to get out of his seat. Jake just stayed where he was pretending like he didn't even notice Edward was there. I knew he didn't like Edward and was just doing it to piss him off.

"Tomorrow come past my place so-" Jake began before Edward cut him off sounding really irritated.

"Excuse me." Edward said coldly.

"Yes?" Jake looked up at him with a knowing smirk.

"My seat…"

"What's the magic word?" Jake asked trying to act serious.

"Just get the fuck out of my seat will you?" Edward snapped.

"Sorry, but that-"

"Jake!" I warned. I knew that Edward was on the verge of losing it and I really didn't want Jake to push it. Jake looked over at me in disappoint before reluctantly standing up and glared at Edward as he did before heading back over to his own seat.

Edward sat down and brushed his fingers through that sexy hair of his. He looked over at me seeming a little annoyed at what happened. The waitress came back with our drinks and said that our food shouldn't be much longer.

We talked comfortably to each other except Edward and I who avoided each other like the plague. He managed to speak to Rosalie again and I think she just realized that Edward just normally spoke like that, like he was annoyed and cursed a lot. Although I did notice Emmett swore just as much.

Emmett made us laugh, he was a real goof ball and I liked that about him. Our food finally came and we didn't speak much as we devoured our meals. My pasta tasted just as good as it always does. I was a slow eater; I guess I have taught myself to eat that way over the years. Edward finished while I still wasn't even half way through mine. He seemed to be just as fast as Jake, not to mention Emmett as well.

Once we all finished we paid for ourselves, except for Jacob who paid for me, he always seemed to do that and I could never argue him, he loved doing it.

We gathered our things and walked out of the restaurant and began our walk back to our cars. Jacob said his goodbyes to us outside the restaurant since he had parked his car parked right outside. Alice and Jasper were walking ahead of everyone, while Emmett and Edward walked side by side leaving Rosalie and me to walk together linking our arms into one another, behind everyone.

"How did you get here?" I asked Rosalie.

"Emmett."

"You came straight from your lunch?" I asked a little surprised.

"Yeah, we spent pretty much the whole day together."

"Wow, you guys are moving fast."

"Fast? Not really, we're just friends now."

"I thought you really like him,"

"I do, a lot and that's why I don't want to rush it. I don't want him to see me as an easy fuck."

"You're not but I understand. Are you going to kiss him?"

"We'll see, I really, really want to but I'll see how I feel once he drops me off."

We finally got to our cars and each separated. Rosalie walked off with Emmett to his Jeep while Edward and Jasper headed over to Edward's BM. I got into Alice's convertible and headed back to her place.

I got home at midnight and Renee and Phil weren't home yet, thankfully. I changed into my pajamas and went straight to bed trying hard not to think of Edward.

I spent Sunday morning doing my English essay on 'To kill a mocking bird' that I had due in two weeks. Once I was satisfied I had done enough I went over to Jake's house and spent the day there with him watching movies and watching him work on his Rabbit. We did that often and I found it really enjoyable and relaxing.

Monday morning I woke up late for school. I didn't have time for a shower so I just brushed my teeth and washed my face while I pulled my hair into a messy pony tail. I slipped on my black skinny jeans with my purple t-shirt and matched them with my black tennis shoes.

I popped in some pop tarts into the toaster while I made myself a coffee. I only managed to drink a quarter of it once my tarts were done. I quickly picked them out of the toaster trying not to burn myself in the process and hurried out the door and to my truck.

The weather was warm today which I was happy about considering it was a rarity we ever got sun. I pulled into my parking spot and hurried off to my first class. I managed to arrive at the same time as the teacher which was close.

I finally got to math and was dying to see how Saturday night ended for Rosalie and Emmett.

"So?" I asked as soon as I sat down.

"What?" Rosalie asked trying to play dumb with me.

"Just tell me," I laughed.

"He kissed me," She half whispered, half squealed.

"Oh my god! How was it?" I asked leaning over my desk so I could hear all the juicy details. I lived vicariously through my friends since my love life was non-existent. She closed her eyes and placed her hand over her heart in a dramatic explanation.

"It was like no other kiss I have had. Bella, his lips were so soft and his tongue….." She trailed off as she couldn't hide the big shit eating grin on her face. I was happy for her, she deserved to be happy. Her last boyfriend, Derek was an ass hole. As soon as she slept with him he broke up with her. She was crying for days after that feeling so used.

"What happened to the 'we'll see' kiss?"

"As soon as he walked me to my door and looked back at me with those piercing blue eyes and he began to lean in….I forgot what my name was let alone the whole 'we'll see' thing." She laughed as she blushed.

"That's great Rosalie,"

Alice walked into class then and had Rosalie re-tell her whole story during class as she had missed out on it. They got into trouble a few times for talking but that didn't deter Alice from getting all the juicy details. I told Angela what was going on with Rosalie during class as well but I didn't go into detail.

The rest of the day went by like the usual, catching up with everyone's weekend. I told Jake he shouldn't have done what he did at dinner on Saturday but he defended that he was just playing and wanted to see how far he could push Edward. I told him he was close to losing it but Jake just laughed at me.

By the time lunch came I was pretty much talked out. I went to grab my lunch and ended up standing behind none other than Lauren. She was talking with Jessica who was nice enough to me but I still didn't like her all that much.

As I came to walk off I heard Edward's name mentioned in their conversation so I lingered around a little longer just so I could hear what they were saying.

"So you finally hooked up with him?" Jessica tried whispering but I heard every word clearly.

"I sucked his dick if that's what you're asking," Lauren giggled. I felt sick to the stomach and I felt like I deserved it for hanging around to listen in on them. "He was huge," Lauren continued, "The biggest I've ever had to take in and he tasted so sweet."

Jessica giggled as she leaned in to Lauren to hear closely. "And he is a great kisser, fuck I can't wait to have sex with him."

I knew I heard enough and walked off back to my table feeling sick to the stomach and suddenly not hungry anymore. Rose and Alice were the only ones there. I noticed Jasper was sitting with Emmett and Edward at their table.

"What's wrong?" Rosalie asked me as she noticed I looked a little mad. I don't even know why I was mad. I was mad at Lauren for having to do every guy that she could get her hands on. I have no idea what Edward saw in her either. But it shouldn't matter to me any way, he wasn't mine to claim.

"Nothing," I shook my head as I picked at my sandwich. I had lost my appetite. "Why isn't Jasper here?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"He said he was going to get Emmett and Edward to sit here but it looks like he got carried away over at their table." Alice explained.

"Yeah, Demetri and Aaron are there that's why." Rosalie added.

"Hey Seth!" I jumped up when I saw Seth coming over with Jacob.

"Bella!" He hugged me tight as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Seth was Jacob's best friend but we were really close too just not as much as Jake and me.

They took their seats at our table and we talked non-stop for all of lunch and it helped to get my mind off what I had overhead Lauren talk about earlier.

When the bell rang for the end of lunch I felt knots in my stomach knowing I would have to face Edward. I saw him get up from his table and walk right past me and to the door without even looking in my direction. He really was confusing the hell out of me.

I got into biology and found him already there, casually fiddling with his pen. I threw my bag on the floor between our seats and sat down without saying anything to him. He knew I was pissed at him but he could at least have made the effort to say something to me.

We both sat in silence, Edward playing with his pen while I fingered the corner of the cover of my book. Mike waved over at me from his seat but before he could make his way over, Mr. Molena walked in.

He made us copy some notes off of the over head projector before giving us a little assessment we had to do with our partners.

_Great!...note the sarcasm_

He handed out our sheets and went through them with us before giving us the rest of class to get started on them. They would be due in just under two weeks which was not a lot of time for the amount of work he was asking for.

Everyone began talking and working with their partners. I turned to Edward and decided if I wanted to pass then I would have to just forget about everything and just do it.

"Ok, I am thinking we might need to work on this at lunch as well as individually at home if we plan on finishing this in time." I began hoping that would get him to interact with me.

"I don't do lunches." He stated plainly keeping his eyes on his assessment sheet on the table in front of him.

"Why? Because you spend your lunches in the bathroom letting Lauren suck your dick?" I snapped. I froze at my word vomit as his head snapped up to look at me in shock. Luckily everyone was to busy talking that no one heard me.

"Where the hell did that come from?' He asked in irritation and bewilderment.

"Nothing, no where…Can we just do this?" I said looking away as I was blushing profusely at embarrassing myself like that. It looked like Lauren's words had really stuck in my head and my jealously was seeping through. But I couldn't be jealous, I didn't like Edward remember?

"Do you have a fucking problem with me that you need to let out of your system before we move on?" He asked a little pissed off.

"Look," I said turning to look into his piercing green eyes that made me want to just get lost in them, _focus!_ "I just need you to drop the attitude because I would really like to pass this thing. If you don't want to do lunches then we could work on this after school or is that taking up your special time too?" I asked glaring at him.

"After school is fine and if we have to do lunches as well I'll do it. I can't afford to fail this either believe it or not. And I'll try to act 'nicer'" he said using air quotes, "for you if you want me to."

"Just act yourself but I need you to focus long enough to do this properly."

"Fine."

We began going through who was going to do what questions. There were six of them and each one required a full page answer with diagrams. We decided that for tonight we would both research the first question and discuss we what we came up with tomorrow at lunch and then work on that after school.

"Hey," He began hesitantly and I turned to look at him. "You know last Friday…..when I asked you…..I… didn't mean to….fuck!" He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. He let out a deep breath before he continued, "Look, all I'm trying to say is that I didn't mean it to come out the way it did."

As awkward and uncomfortable as he looked explaining that to me, it seemed sincere. He hadn't said sorry but it was as close as I knew I would get from him.

"That's alright." I shrugged looking away.

He nodded his head in acknowledgement and then we continued on with our work. I noticed it was difficult trying to talk to him, he seemed a little closed off but I figured as long as I get a little help in the assignment from him then I would be happy.

Class ended and we packed up our things. He mumbled a bye before heading out before me. At least I felt some kind of progress in whatever it was we had. I followed close behind him and turned the corner out the door to find him walking down the hall with an arm around Lauren's shoulder. I felt a tinge of jealousy. I knew I couldn't ever have him but a part of me, and I wasn't sure how big that part was, wanted something more with Edward Cullen.

_Dreams Bella…in your dreams…._

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**What did you think? We might be seeing some progress.**

**REVIEW please and tell me your thoughts....:)  
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	4. One on One

**A/N- Time for another Chapter!! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and to everyone that has given this story a chance, i really do appreciate it like you wouldn't believe!! Thanks a bunch.**

**MHHT has about 2 chapters and the Epilogue to go...it will get updated soon, i'm just trying to make sure that it doesnt seem rushed, i want to end it right, so apologies for the long wait.**

_Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight..._

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**EPOV**

I picked at the fucking green beans in my plate that sat beside my half eaten steak. I hated green beans. Who the fuck eats green beans? I sighed and looking past the green beans I cut another bite sized piece of my steak and popped it into my mouth.

Emmett and Carlisle were busy talking as they ate their dinner.

"Yeah I know, she fucking called me over this morning as I was heading out and asked…no correction, _demanded_ I pull her fucking weeds out of her garden. What am I? Her fucking gardener?" Emmett ranted as he aggressively cut up his steak.

"Watch your mouth son _please. _You and Edward really need to stop with the constant cursing." Carlisle shook his head. "Now regarding Jane, just tell her politely next time that you can't do it. Or if it's no big deal go and do it one day after school." He laughed.

"In your fucking dreams."

"Emmett!"

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"Maybe she just thought you would be a good fuck." I laughed earning a glare from Carlisle.

"You are gross you know that? Although… she does look like a fucking cougar." Emmett mused.

Carlisle let out a long sigh as he shook his head, presumably at us ignoring his no cursing request. Suck shit daddio.

"You know, most desperate housewives like to fuck their gardeners. I'm sure she has seen you topless walking around in that room of yours….I mean, your bedroom window is right opposite her bathroom window." I snickered. Emmett seemed thoughtful for a second. A grin then spread across his face.

"I was just thinking if she may have seen me before but I can tell you I have seen her fucking naked ass-"

"BOYS! Enough, please. We are having dinner here…can we please have an appropriate conversation?"

"You might be able to get a good fuck out of her yourself. It might do you some good." I muttered under my breath.

"What was that Edward?" Carlisle asked through clenched teeth.

"Just sayin' daddio, that dinner was lovely and I'm done." I mockingly smiled at him as I took my plate to the sink and headed for my room.

"Wash your fucking plate dickward." Emmett bellowed out to me as I ascended the stairs. I ignored him as I kept going without a backwards glance.

It was a rule in our house to wash our dinner plates once we were done with them. That's what happens when you have three men living under one roof without any female presence. It's the only way to keep things in some sort of order. But fuck them if they thought I was going to do that shit tonight. Carlisle is such a fucking pain in the ass that I can't take it sometimes. Chill the fuck out. Maybe Jane could help remove the fucking pole that has been shoved up his ass for a while now.

I plopped myself onto my chair in front of my computer and decided I really needed to work on this biology assignment. I really need to show some sort of improvement somewhere. My attitude wasn't going the fuck anywhere so I might as well focus on my grades.

Our assignment required us to do a thorough research on the different organs in the body, their functions, how they work, options for treatment if they fail to work and all that crap. Plus each one required a detailed diagram…yeah _fun_, just what I was thinking.

Once I felt like I had found enough information to satisfy strawberries and vanilla girl I moved onto my history homework which wasn't much. Her little outburst earlier today in Biology had me stunned. She told me to go and let Lauren suck my dick? At first I thought I heard incorrectly. I mean, I never expected those kinds of words to slip from a mouth as pure as hers. But this girl seems to keep fucking surprising me. I knew that she knew that Lauren and I got up to no good at the party on Friday since she saw me exiting the bathroom with Lauren in tow, but I wondered how she knew that I got a fucking blow job? And why did I sense a little jealousy in her accusation? This girl just confuses the fuck out of me.

I feel some sort of connection to her that I can't shake away and it's pissing me the fuck off. I'm trying to shake that feeling away by acting like a mean prick to her. But whenever I do, I actually feel bad for it, which I never do. I've never felt bad for treating people like shit. There really was something really fucked up going on here and I wasn't sure I was going to like it.

After I managed to forget about Bella long enough to finish my history homework I took a shower and brushed my teeth before heading back to my bedroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around my hips.

I shut my bedroom door behind me and walked over to my dresser to pull out a pair of my boxer briefs. As I dropped my towel to put them on, my bedroom door flew open.

"WHAT THE FUCK! CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR!" I bellowed as I tried to cover my junk with my hands.

"Sorry man, I didn't see anything!" Emmett said as he covered his eyes with one hand and closed the door after him with the other.

"Fucking prick."

I quickly slipped on my boxer briefs, flannel pants and white wife beater before calling out to him that it was safe to enter.

He slowly opened the door with a hand still over his eyes.

"I'm dressed now you fucking douche. Learn to fucking knock next time." I scolded.

He let his hand drop from his eyes as he walked into my room and plopped down onto my bed.

"Want to play Halo?"

"Are you going to play now?" I asked as I towel dried the mess that was my hair.

"Yeah, dad just went to sleep."

"Whatever, give me a second and I'll meet you in your room."

Unfortunately, as part of my fucking punishment, Carlisle hasn't allowed me to have the luxury of a TV or DVD player in my room like I did back in Seattle. Emmett does though, and it pisses the fuck out of me. Not to mention he got the room with the balcony, he doesn't even smoke as much as I do but I guess that's what I get for getting expelled.

Emmett went to his room to get the game set up while I grabbed my cigarettes and cell phone and headed after him. We stayed up till 2am playing against each other. Emmett was determined to beat my score but he was unlucky. I fucking rubbed it in.

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit considering I slept so late. I forced my tired ass out of bed to get ready for school. I pulled on my jeans, a white t-shirt and slipped my long sleeved blue plaid shirt on top. I quickly put on my black Nikes and then I brushed my fingers roughly through my hair letting it fall into its own disarray and then headed downstairs.

Emmett was already in there frying up some eggs.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked as I poured myself a glass of orange juice.

"He's outside grabbing the paper. Fucking shit!"

"You've burnt the hell out of them Em!" I laughed as he tried to quickly flip the burnt eggs from the pan and onto a plate.

"Shit! I really felt like eggs." He whined as he threw them into the trash.

"Make more."

"Nah man, can't be bothered. I'll just eat cereal. I'm fucking sick of cereal and toast. One of us really needs to learn how to cook man, this is fucking bull shit."

"True that." I sighed as I poured myself some cereal as well.

Carlisle walked into the kitchen then with the newspaper rolled up his hand as he playfully bashed it against his other palm.

"Something's burning." Carlisle sniffed.

"Em's eggs." I snickered.

"Hmmm." He shook his head before making himself a cup of coffee. "I'll be working the late shift tonight so you boys are going to have to fix yourselves dinner."

"Sure," Emmett replied through a mouth full of cereal.

Ten minutes later I was in my car and headed off to school. Lauren met me at my car like usual, greeting me with her fucking tongue. I wasn't complaining.

The day fucking dragged on and maybe that was because I was tired as hell. I had two cans of coke to try and help myself but they did absolutely jack shit. I knew at lunch time I would be meeting Bella for our little study session so I walked over to her table at the beginning of lunch to wait for her.

"Hi Edward." Rosalie greeted me. I didn't think she liked me very much.

"Hey," I replied brushing my hand through my hair.

"You waiting for Jazz?"

"Bella."

"Oh…" she looked confused so I felt the need to fucking explain.

"We have a study session… biology."

"Oh…" she said again. _What was that about_?

Before I even spotted her, a waft of strawberries and vanilla flowed into my nose and straight to my fucking dick. _Horny prick_. Her hair was down today in its beautiful mahogany waves but clipped away from her face at the front, exposing those big chocolate eyes of hers. She had on her 'fuck me' jeans, yes I call them that because they make her look hot as hell, and a plain black t-shirt. Simple but the girl could make anything look hot as fuck. Since when did I become infatuated with this girl?

She smiled shyly at me when she spotted me.

"Hey," I tried to say casually hoping she wouldn't have noticed I was eye fucking her.

"Hi, you ready?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, well Rose, we have a biology thing that we need to work on so…."

"Go ahead."

"Ok, do you want me to wait till everyone gets here?"

"Don't worry about me babe, just go."

Bella smiled at Rosalie giving her a thank you nod before turning her glowing and perfect face to me.

_Shut it Cullen._

She led the way to the library and who did we fucking run into? That's right people, Jacob fucking Black.

"Bella," Jake breathed while eyeing my fucking ass out, not looking too impressed.

"Oh Jake, Edward and I have this thing we need to work on for biology so we're heading off to the library." The whole time she spoke to him his eyes were fixed on me in a glare. I just smirked at him, challenging him to say something the fucking prick.

"Ok," He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek that lingered a little longer than normal. He looked back up and it was his turn to smirk at me. "Love you babe," He said looking briefly at Bella before looking back at me. What the fuck was his problem? Was he afraid I would fucking take his girl or some shit?

"Love you too Jake," Bella smiled before turning to me and nodding her head in the direction of the library.

She began walking off before me as Jake and I eyed each other down. He walked up to me and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "She's _mine_ so I suggest you don't get any fucking funny ideas." He warned viciously.

I turned my mouth to his ear, "How bout we let the girl fucking choose, dip shit." I smirked before walking away and leaving his stunned ass standing in the middle of the hall.

_Smooth…_

I hurried to catch up to Bella and we made our way into the library. I let her lead us to a table near the back of the library among all the book shelves and by a window.

"It's quietest here. It can get a little noisy with chatter around the computers." She shrugged as if worried I was going to reject the table she chose.

"Here is fine." I said as I threw my bag onto the table and pulled out my notes. We both got our shit organized in an awkward silence. I caught her stealing glances in my direction but I wasn't sure if it was because she liked me or because she felt uncomfortable.

"Ok, here is what I came up with last night. I just have to say that I can't draw so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing the diagrams?" She asked hesitantly.

"That's fine by me." I said looking straight into her eyes. Fuck her eyes did some weird shit to me. Good shit. They were so warm and gentle that I felt at ease whenever I looked into them. I shook my head to snap myself to back to reality and get this shit done.

We compared notes and then Bella decided to get up and get typing on the computer while I sat on the computer next to her to get started researching the next question.

By the time lunch was over we hadn't gotten that much done but I knew it would just start flowing from here on.

"Hey, you know how you suggested that we should work on this after school?" I asked as I began packing my stuff into my bag. She nodded so I continued, "How bout you come over to my place this afternoon. Carlisle will be at work and Emmett will just keep to himself." I said shrugging trying to make it seem like no big deal. It wasn't but for some reason I was suddenly nervous about having her in my house. I couldn't hide in my house or my room. Fuck, having her in my room would be just……._FOCUS!_

"Um….that should be fine, I was going to suggest my place but your place is fine too." She said blushing a little. Fuck she looked hot when she blushed.

_Stop this fucking shit Cullen…_

"Ok, great. I'll meet you in the parking lot?" I asked as we began to walk out and to biology.

"Sure," she smiled.

We made our way to biology and I couldn't help but feel a little relieved that we may have broken down some sort of barrier. It was still awkward between us but there didn't seem to be any animosity any more.

We didn't talk throughout all of biology since Mr. Molena stuffed us with a shit load of work. But her strawberries and vanilla scent was driving me crazy…in a good way. She smelt so fucking good that I felt like eating her…yes I said eat her. This girl was doing things to me that were foreign and it was scaring the shit out of me, especially considering I could never be with her. She could never be with me, I'm Edward fucked up Cullen, remember?

She mumbled a quiet and shy "bye" to me as she left at the end of class. Lauren was outside waiting for me and she took me by surprise at first. My head was swimming in a Bella induced haze that I forgot all about her. This is not good.

My next class went quick and before I knew it I was waiting for Bella at my car. I was excited, nervous, scared and worried all at that same time about having her come over to my place.

**BPOV**

I walked out of biology and tried to ignore Lauren standing there and waiting for Edward. Gym went by quickly and luckily I managed not to make such a fool of myself today. Once gym was over, I made my way over to my locker and put away the books I wasn't going to need tonight.

"Hey!" Jake whispered straight into my ear causing me to jump. I turned and pushed him as hard as I could against his chest in frustration at scaring me, he always did it. Sadly, my attempt at trying to make him stumble was weak even for my standards.

"Did you just touch me Bella? Because it felt like a butterfly just kissed me on the chest?" He teased.

"Ha, ha Jake. Scare me again and you'll get more than my meek attempt at shoving you." I laughed.

"Sorry, you know I love you but."

"You think that solves everything don't you?" I laughed shaking my head at him.

"I know it does," He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Whatever, ready to go?"

"Always." He draped his big beefy arm over my shoulder and led me out to the parking lot.

"Hey, I'm going over to Edward's to study for biology." I mentioned as we exited the building.

"What? Now?" He asked stunned. I knew he wouldn't like the idea since he didn't like Edward.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked stopping our walking and turning to face him seriously.

"Sure."

"Ok….what is it that you have against Edward?" I asked staring into his dark eyes to make sure he told me the truth.

"He's a prick." He stated simply in anger like it was the most obvious thing.

"On what basis Jake?" I asked trying to keep my voice emotionless.

"Why do you keep defending him?"

"I'm not defending anyone, but you seem to have this grudge against him and you haven't even given him the time of day." I took a deep breath as I watched him cross his arms over his broad chest. He wasn't impressed with me. "You know what, forget I said anything." I leaned in and hugged him, I hated making him mad. I didn't need him to like Edward, hell, I sort of didn't like Edward in the beginning either even though a part of me always did. Confusing I know…

"Sorry Jakey," I said in a little baby voice. That made him laugh, it always did. He relaxed into me and wrapped his arms around me into one of his big tight bear hugs.

"Jake…air!" I choked out. He laughed and let me down. "Ok, I have to go and don't worry. He isn't going to bite." I laughed hoping to lighten the situation.

"You never know. But just be careful." He smirked.

"I'm not a baby Jake, I can take care of myself."

"You are _my_ baby and you _always_ will be." He said seriously now, gazing into my eyes. I took a deep breath as I was feeling uncomfortable with where this conversation was headed.

"Bye Jake." I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek hoping to make up for ignoring his comment and made my way over to Edward.

And _dang_ did he look hot. It was the first time I see him wear plaid today and it made him look so fucking hot. He was leaning against his car, his ankles crossed in front of him as he watched me approach. He had a few strands of hair falling onto his forehead that I had been dying to brush my fingers through and out of his face all day.

I was nervous about being in his house. I knew we would be alone and as positive as I was that he didn't like me in that way to worry about anything, I knew it was just going to make things more difficult for me. I liked him and I was sick of denying it. I just agreed with myself to keep those feelings hidden and to not expose them because they weren't reciprocated. I wasn't about to get my hopes up for no god damn reason and get hurt. So my little infatuation, yes infatuation, with Edward Cullen was just going to have to stay between me, myself and I.

As I approached and tried to remind myself to breathe as he created a whole new definition for sex just leaning against his car, my favorite friend in the whole entire world flaunted her way over to him. _Calm down Bella, just pretend she isn't there._

She placed her hands on his chest as she pressed herself up against him and began kissing the living day lights out of him. I kept my head down both because I didn't want to look like I was staring and because I didn't want to torture myself watching it. I slowed my pace as I got closer and stood there awkwardly looking in the opposite direction than they were in. I could hear Lauren breathing heavily as she sucked his face and I noticed in my peripheral his hands trying to push her back by her shoulders. She finally moved back but kept herself up against him.

"I have to go." Edward said sternly trying to slip out from under her.

"But Eddie-"

"You know what?" I asked cutting her off mid sentence, "I'll just wait for you in my truck and I'll follow you out once you're ready." I said flatly without looking at Lauren and began to walk back to my truck.

"Bella wait!" I turned around in time for Edward to grab my arm and halt me. That same electric current that we felt on Friday night was seeping through me again. It felt….it was…unexplainable. "Wait a second." He said, this time pulling me slightly back toward his car. "Lauren, we have a study session at my place so if you don't mind we have to get going." He said to her still holding onto my arm. I was waiting for him to let go but he didn't.

Lauren glared at me and I glared back. Edward noticed the silent battle going on between us so he spoke realizing neither one of us was going to anytime soon.

"Bella, go to your truck and then follow me home. Do you think you'll be ok to follow me home?" He asked trying to get me to look at him. I nodded still keeping my eyes on Lauren.

"Ok," He sighed in defeat and then finally let go of my arm. "Lauren, see you tomorrow." He looked back and forth between us and then sighing again opened the door to his car and climbed in. That snapped me out of it as I turned on my heel and began to head over to my truck.

"You don't stand a chance Swan." I heard Lauren say just loud enough for me to hear as I walked off. I didn't think she meant for me to hear it but I did. And it hurt…because she was damn right.

I got into my truck and took a few deep breaths to get over the feelings of hurt that were coursing through me. Lauren's words stung me as much as I didn't want to admit it. Because I did want Edward Cullen, I didn't know why because I knew he wasn't the type that would go for me and usually the type I wouldn't find myself attracted to. He was arrogant, at times rude and didn't seem to give a crap about anyone. But even with all that I still couldn't find it in me to dislike him at all.

A car's honk snapped me out of it and I looked out to find Edward in his BM waiting for me to start the car. I smiled awkwardly as I turned the ignition and followed Edward out.

He lived a little farther from school than I had expected but that was because he lived on the nicer side of town. His house was huge, as big as Paul's. It was two and a half stories and had a wrap around verandah on the second floor. It had a charcoal rendered facing with a large window in the front on the first floor peaking into the lounge. It had double French doors and I suddenly felt out of place. It was beautiful. He got out of the car and made his way over to my truck as I was still sitting dumbly checking out his house in awe. I switched my truck off and climbed out grabbing my bag off the passenger seat.

"You have a nice house." I said shyly as he led me up the pathway to his front door.

"Thanks," He said raking his fingers through that godly sex hair of his as he turned to briefly smile at me.

He opened the front door and held it open for me gesturing for me to enter before him. I guess he just proved he could be a gentleman if he really wanted to. The house smelt fresh and new. It was big and spacious and furnished in everything white and a grey. It was modern and I was suddenly nervous about having him over at my place.

"Would you like a drink first?" He asked awkwardly as he stepped in front of me and began walking toward the kitchen.

"I'm ok, thanks."

"I'm just going to grab some water, are you sure?" He asked again as he opened the fridge.

"Really. But thanks."

He grabbed his bottle and began unscrewing it and my eyes zoned in on his fingers. Ok, this is weird because I never notice fingers…on anybody…ever. But his fingers were long and slender as he unscrewed the cap of his bottle and I found I couldn't look away.

"You ok?" He asked before putting the bottle to his pouty pink lips and taking a gulp.

_I am so screwed and really need to get a freaking grip._

"Great…fine...perfect." I stammered embarrassingly. He chuckled silently at me before walking past me and up the stairs.

"Is it ok if we work in my bedroom? I've got my computer in there otherwise we could work in Carlisle's office but he doesn't really like me going in there." I spun around to face him as I was still standing like a verbally incompetent freak.

"Your room is fine." I tried smiling and I couldn't help but think about how good that sounded.

_Dreams Bella….in your dreams._

He turned back around and continued his walk up the stairs as I hurried after him to catch up. Upstairs was large also. There was a large console table right at the top of the stairs against the opposing wall. There was a large vase of flowers sitting on it with a large contemporary painting hanging behind it. I realized the house was furnished nicely for a house that held three men in it. That brought me to realize he never mentioned his mother. I wondered what happened to her.

He led me down the hall to the last room to our right. I stood in the doorway, his room was huge, it could fit my bedroom three times over easily. He had a massive king sized in the middle covered in a red and black comforter. He had a desk to the left of his bed against the wall with a flat screen monitor sitting on it. He had one frame on his desk that looked like it was picture of him and some other guy I had never seen before. His desk was covered with other random things like, school books, pens and papers. His walls were white with no posters up anywhere but then again he hasn't been living here long enough to have fully settled in.

"Take a seat, make yourself comfortable and…yeah." He said awkwardly raking his fingers through his hair. I noticed he did that a lot when he was nervous.

"Thanks." I murmured as I took a seat on his chair at his desk.

"Turn the computer on and I'll just get my books out."

"Ok."

I carefully switched on his monitor scared that I might stuff it up somehow. As I waited for it to start up I swiveled around in his chair and watched him pull his books out of his bag and throw them onto his bed. As he bent over to reach into his bag I saw a sliver of skin on his back as his shirt rode up. His skin looked so smooth and pale and I even spotted a glimpse of his black under wear…hmmm…Mossimo…expensive.

I quickly looked away as he straightened up, grabbed a few books and walked back over to me and plopped them down on the desk beside me.

"We'll just continue on where we left off?" He asked opening up his notes.

"Sure, I'll just finish typing this up and organizing our information and you can work on the diagram."

"I've almost finished the diagram."

"Ok, well then….once you're done with it we'll work from there." He nodded as he walked back over to his bed.

"Do you mind?" He asked grabbing onto his Nikes as if he was going to take them off.

"Not at all."

He smiled slightly as he pulled them off and sat himself on his bed and leaned his back up against the bed head with is damn long legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. He had big feet…really big. Since when does this shit ever come to my head? Oh yeah, that's right…since you met Edward 'hottie' Cullen.

I turned my attention back to the computer and began typing where I left off at lunch. He worked on sketching the diagram and it was comfortable silence for a good fifteen minutes before he spoke.

"You don't have to answer this….but….what the fuck is it with you and Lauren?" He asked seriously.

I turned my attention to him and he was staring at me closely with this breathtaking green orbs, he had a strand of hair hanging down his forehead and just covering a bit of one of his eyes, he looked really sexy. I was about to lie and say nothing was going on but the intensity at which he was staring at me made me answer honestly.

"To be perfectly honest…she hates my guts." I stated simply before turning my attention back to the monitor.

"Why?"

"You obviously don't know Lauren very well." I chuckled nervously. I looked over at him and he was just silently staring at me so I continued. "Lauren is one of those girls that hates everyone's guts and thinks she is above everyone else. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that already….but then again you seem to use your mouths for other than talking when you're together." I spat out nervously. I really needed to work on my damn brain filter. He gave me a slight smirk at my comment. "What?"

"Are you jealous?" He asked with his smirk still in place. I felt my face flush into the deepest shade of red freaking answering his question without any damn words necessary. I looked away from his intense stare and onto the monitor in front of me.

"No." I answered a little too enthusiastically to sound normal. He snickered at my expense. It was silence after that again as I tried to overcome embarrassing myself in front of him…again.

"Hey, I'll be right back." He said getting off his bed and walking toward the door. "Would you like a drink now?" He asked grabbing what looked like a pack of cigarettes out of his dresser.

"Actually I wouldn't mind water."

"Sure, I'll be right back." He walked out the door and shut it slowly behind him.

This was not good. I really needed to get a grip over myself, his presence was turning me into mush and I couldn't allow myself to get like that. I shook my head to try and clear it and returned back to typing out our assignment.

There was a slight knock on the door before I saw a head of dark curls and piercing blue eyes pop themselves around the door. They scanned the room till they landed on me.

"Bella, hey." Emmett said as he walked in.

"Hi, Emmett." I waved as I swiveled myself in the chair to face him.

"I thought that was your truck downstairs. Where's Edward?"

"I think taking a smoke and getting water."

"Oh, ok. I didn't check outside. Well, ok, I'll just go find him then." He smiled before walking back to the door.

"Ok." I replied.

I lost my focus on my work as I kept getting interrupted so I thought I would just take a little break. I stood up and stretched. I glanced around his room and noticed he was very tidy. Everything was organized perfectly and I assumed he must be a very pedantic person. Especially the wall on the other side of his bed that held shelves and shelves of books and CDs, it was organized meticulously. He seemed to have a wide variety of music.

I looked over to my left and noticed for the first time an acoustic guitar hanging on the wall beside his shelf. I wasn't sure how I had missed it when I walked in. I didn't think he knew how to play guitar. I wonder if he would play for me one day. I loved a guy who could play music.

I heard the door behind me open and I jumped slightly as I felt like I had been caught snooping around his room. I turned and he walked over to me and handed me a bottle of water.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I was curious about the guitar so I decided to ask him about it.

"You play?" I asked nodding toward the guitar on the wall. He furrowed his brows as he looked over at the guitar then back at me.

"Not in a while, no." He answered uncomfortably as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He seemed uncomfortable talking about it.

"Any particular reason?" I pushed hoping to get an answer why.

"I finished the diagram so what would you like to do now?" He asked changing the subject effectively.

"Ah, yeah, I've almost finished typing up the first question so um….I'll just finish that and then I have to head home."

"Sure. Do you mind if I put some music on?"

"No, go ahead."

"Anything in particular you like?" He asked walking over to scan through his collection.

"I'm easy." I said heading back over to his computer.

I heard him shuffling a little by his stereo before the sounds of Kings of Leon flowed out through his speakers. I swiveled around in the chair and I caught him staring over at me but he quickly looked away smiling awkwardly at me as he did.

"You like them too?" I asked a little surprised.

"I like alternative rock so…." He shrugged.

"Hmm." That was all I could think to say. I turned back to the monitor to finish this thing so I could get home and get dinner started before Renee and Phil got home.

"Should I start on the diagram for question two for tomorrow?" He asked breaking the comfortable silence between us.

"Yeah, if you have time."

Fifteen minutes later I was finished and saved my work onto my USB pen and began packing up my things.

"I better get going, mum and Phil will be home soon and I have to get dinner started."

"You cook dinner?" He asked surprised.

"Yeah, my mum isn't much of a cook…no, correction, my mother _can't_ cook and so I have taken on the pleasure of doing it since I was 12. Someone had to do it." I chuckled.

"Interesting."

"Hmm, well, I better get going." I said as I began towards the door.

"I'll walk you down." He quickly said following after me.

We walked down the stairs and found Emmett sprawled out on the couch in some black track pants and a tight t-shirt, showing off his chiseled broad chest. These guys seemed to be big on working out.

"Bella, you leaving?" Emmett asked sitting himself up.

"Yeah, I have to get home." I said standing awkwardly beside Edward.

"Alright, well I'll see you tomorrow." He said with a warm smile.

"Bye."

I turned and walked over to the door and opened it. I turned around to say bye to Edward and crashed into his chest as he probably hadn't expected to me to turn around. My breath hitched in my throat at his closeness and I got a whiff of his cologne sending a shiver down my spine. He smelt so good. We both stumbled back uncomfortably as he raked his fingers through his hair as he looked down at the ground.

"See you tomorrow." I said as I turned around to walk to my truck a little too quickly.

"Yeah…tomorrow."

I got into my truck and tried to calm myself. My heart was beating rapidly against my rib cage. I never thought just his closeness could have such a strong effect on my body.

I made it home the same time as Phil.

"Hey." I said as I got out of my truck.

"Hey, where were you?" He asked curiously as he shut his car door and waited for me to get to him.

"Just studying at someone's house." I answered walking past him and for the front door.

"Do I know them?"

"Most likely not, they're new in town." What was with all the freaking questions?

"The Cullen's?" He asked as I unlocked the front door and headed inside.

"Ah...yeah. You've met them?"

"No, but I've heard about them. Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his two sons…You were studying with their sons?"

_Just drop it Phil…geez I'm not ten._

"Yeah," I answered shortly, hopefully showing him I wasn't in the mood for his interrogation. I made my way to the kitchen to get started on dinner hoping he would just continue on upstairs. But because he was Phil, he followed me into the kitchen to continue with his questions.

"Be careful. I heard his youngest son, Edward I think his name is, is quite the trouble maker. He got into a lot of trouble back in Seattle. He got expelled from school and was caught doing drugs."

"Really?" I asked sounding bored as I unwrapped some chicken breast fillets for some enchiladas.

"Yeah. I don't like you going over there-"

"You know, it's just a biology assignment and I can take care of myself. You won't find me doing drugs and getting expelled from school if that's what you're worried about." I said coldly as I turned to face him.

"Don't use that tone with me Bella." He scolded. I rolled my eyes at him and turned back to the dinner at hand.

He sighed in frustration and walked off up stairs.

_About time_.

I was placing the enchiladas in the oven when Renee walked through the door.

"Hey baby." She came over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey mum."

"Phil home yet?" She asked as he picked a lettuce leaf out of the salad bowl and ate it.

"Yeah, he got home a while ago."

"Ok, I'm going to take a shower and then I'll be down for dinner."

"Sure."

* * *

"How was your afternoon with _Edward_?" Jake whispered in a mocking tone while still writing.

"It was good. It was just studying Jake. I hope you know it was nothing more than that." I have no idea why I felt the need to explain this to him but I did. I could never bear hurting him in any way.

"Like hell it will _ever_ be anything more than that! Fuck, don't even _go_ there." He whispered angrily as he wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Sorry I repulse you in that way."

"Not you, you silly girl. The thought of that scum bag having his hands all over you…" He shuddered at the thought. "I will fucking bash his head in before he even _thinks _of attempting anything like that."

"What if I want him to?" I challenged seriously.

"Like hell you will. You're not stupid to want him Bella." Mr. Henderson got up from his desk and began walking around the class to make sure everyone was working so the conversation between Jake and I came to a halt. I was hurt that he would think like that. What was wrong with Edward? And as if he would have any say if I _did _want something more with Edward. History ended I headed into math. I didn't get a chance to chat with Rosalie, Alice and Angela since we had a substitute and we were ordered to work in complete silence. Once math was over, we made my way out to the cafeteria.

"Hey, sit here, Alice." I pulled out the chair beside me for her to sit down in.

"What are you doing this afternoon?"

"I have to work on that biology assignment I have with Edward."

"Oh, yeah Rosalie mentioned something about that. I'm sorry you had to get stuck with him doing that." She said sympathetically.

"Don't feel sorry for me. Edward is great." I defended a little too honestly.

"Did you just say Edward is great?!" Alice asked laughing in shock.

"What I meant to say was, Edward is not as bad as everyone thinks he is. You don't even know him." I murmured embarrassed at expressing my feelings for him.

"And you do?" She asked looking at me seriously like I had gone mad.

"Better than any of you." I said honestly.

"Ok, I guess you're right." Her tone didn't sound sincere at all. I didn't care. I was the only one that really knew him or at least knew him more than anyone else on this table and that was all that mattered to me.

Rosalie walked into the cafeteria and took a seat beside Alice. Jacob was sitting across from us busily chatting away with Seth. I saw Edward, Jasper and Emmett walking into the cafeteria and I swear my heart went into overdrive when I spotted him. He was wearing black jeans with a grey t-shirt that was tight enough that I could make out the definition of his chiseled chest. I think my jaw dropped onto the table at the sight of him. He was wearing a black leather band around his wrist that had a silver badge looking thing on it.

He smiled over at me and my heart went incredibly faster as I felt goose bumps spread out all over my body. I couldn't believe I was feeling these kinds of things for him, I couldn't allow myself to feel these things but it seems I had no control over how my body reacted to him. I smiled back shyly before looking away to hide my blush.

All three of them made their way over to our table, sitting on the other side beside Jake and Seth. Of course Edward was furthest away from Jake.

We all chatted with each other. Edward spoke with everyone except Jake. We didn't speak directly to each other but joined in with everyone else. I caught myself staring over at him more times than I would like to admit. He caught me a few times and I would always look away blushing profusely. I was letting my feelings slip and I knew this could be dangerous.

Lunch ended and I was dancing with excitement on the inside about having biology with Edward next. I could just allow myself to be friends with him, right? I could just be his friend….no danger in that….

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**They seem to be warming to each other slightly...but will it stay like that?**

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	5. Resurfacing Unwanted Memories

**A/N - Well, i'm back for chapter 5! Sorry it took longer than i anticipated but i had chapter 33 of MHHT that i desperately needed to get out, so most of my focus went on that. Despite the fact that i had this already written and ready, i made a few minor adjustments to it till i was perfectly happy with it, mentioning eveything i believed needed to be mentioned at this point in time.**

**Glad to see so many people putting this on their favourites and story alerts...it means the world to me, thank you so much and thanks to those those take the time to review. I love all my readers. Alot of you have even followed me from MHHT which is so humbling. **

**Virtual family, love you all to bits, you know who you are, your continued support means the world to me.**

**NEW MOON? I've seen it twice already and am dying for a third, fourth and fifth time even :D Gotta love our beloved Rob, he did such a fantastic job and i have to say, Taylor and Kristen blew me away with their performances too.**

I do not own Twilight but i wish Rob owned me :P

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**EPOV**

"Ok, so here is what I found on the net earlier today. I'm sure it will be more than enough for what Mr. Molena wants." I said placing my notes beside Bella on my desk.

"That looks like plenty. I'm just going to have to go through them and once I have them added with mine I'll know from there." She said as she grabbed them and began to read over them.

I walked over to my stereo and switched my 'Kings of Leon' CD to 'Muse', lowering the volume till it was just background noise. It was our second afternoon at my place working on this assignment. We seemed a little more comfortable around each other, enough to get the work done which was all we needed. I returned to sit on my bed beside my desk so that I was next to Bella. I could her smell her strawberries and vanilla, breezing into my nose and awakening my dick. What was it about her smell that always got me? I fucking loved it, she smelt all sweet and innocent and I normally hate that kind of shit but with Bella I found myself involuntarily trying to breathe more of it. I was sick, I was fucking getting turned on from a smell of cupcakes. Who was I kidding? I knew it wasn't just the smell alone, it was her. _All of her_. Put that smell on Lauren or any other girl and I'd tell you to get them the fuck away from me. It was all fucking Bella, her sweet scent, her sweet soft voice, her sweet smile, fuck, everything about her was fucking sweet.

_You're getting carried away again…_

I shook my head to clear my sex crazed thoughts and tried to focus my attention on the notes in front of me. We spent the next half hour working through our notes. I'd finally had enough and got up. I was dying for a smoke. A smoke would help relieve my tension.

"Fuck this, I need a break." I said raking my fingers through my hair.

"Um…ok, I guess it's enough for today." She said shrugging one shoulder.

"I'm dying for smoke, do you mind?"

"No, go ahead."

I got up and grabbed my pack out of my dresser and headed for the door. I stopped in my tracks and realized it would be fucking rude of me to leave her sitting in my room alone if she wasn't working on the assignment.

"You can come with me if you want?" I suggested. Her eyes widened for a second before she relaxed and smiled at me. She stood up and followed me downstairs.

I went straight for the back porch and lit my cigarette while she stood awkwardly beside me.

"How long have you been smoking?" She asked timidly.

I blew the smoke out before I answered, "Almost two years." She nodded her head but didn't say anything.

I noticed her wrap her arms around her torso tightly as if to keep herself warm.

"You cold?" I asked taking a drag.

"A little."

"Well, then let's go inside." I took one last drag and flicked my butt out on the yard.

"Carlisle was throwing a fucking fit the other day bro." Emmett yelled over to me as I stepped back inside.

"Over what?" I asked as Bella walked in.

"You throwing your butts out in the yard."

"Well fuck him." I stated simply as I started back for the stairs.

"Edward?" I stopped and huffed as I turned back to face Emmett.

"What?" I groaned.

"Lauren called your cell. Two fucking calls. I let it ring out."

"And why are you fucking telling me this shit just now?" I asked irritated as I walked over to him.

"Because I didn't want to disturb whatever the fuck you had going on upstairs." He said shoving me back against the chest as I snatched my phone out of his grip.

"I should get going." Bella said awkwardly as she stood by the stairs watching Emmett and I bicker.

"Ok," I said as I led her back up the stairs.

She followed me up the stairs and back to my bedroom where she began to pack her things.

"So, I'm just going to finish writing up question 2 when I get home so it will be finished by tomorrow." She said standing with her bag packed on the chair.

"Ok."

"Hmm..." She stood there staring at me and I was wondering why she wasn't leaving.

"You ok?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Ah...yeah, sorry." She shook her head as she swung her bad over her shoulder and headed for my door.

As she was walking to the door, her ankle seemed to somehow twist beneath her, causing her to tip and fall flat on her fucking ass.

"Ouch!" She grumbled as she sat on the floor rubbing her ankle. I rushed over to her and kneeled down beside her.

"Are you ok? How in the fuck did you fall?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I don't know, I tend to do that a lot." She said embarrassingly, avoiding looking at me as she let herself up and grabbed her bag again.

"Is your foot ok?" I asked looking at her worriedly.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, really. I should get going." She shook her head at me keeping her eyes on the floor, her cheeks blazing red as she pushed past me and headed downstairs.

I followed after her and checked out her foot as she walked. She seemed to be walking fine so I assumed that she was ok.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said looking down at her feet as she opened the front door, her cheeks were still burning like fire.

"Sure." I said holding the door open as she headed for her truck. She climbed in and drove off without looking back at me.

_Well, that was awkward as fuck, _I thought as I closed the door and headed into the kitchen.

"That smells great." I said as I headed over to Emmett who had a grilled cheese sandwich in the pan.

"Fuck off its mine." He snapped pushing me away by my chest from the pan.

"Are you fucking serious? I'm not going to steal your fucking sandwich. I swear man, sometimes I think your brain stopped developing at 4."

"Fuck you."

"Thank you." I said sarcastically, as I walked over to the fridge to make something to eat. "I'm hungry." I whined.

"Me too and I cannot wait to eat this fucking thing." Emmett said as he slipped his sandwich out of the pan and into a plate.

I ended up grabbing a bread roll and just ate that plain. I wasn't really in a creative mood.

"How are things between you and Rosalie?" I asked as I took a seat on the couch beside Emmett.

"Yeah, good. She is fucking hot as hell man."

"Have you fucked her yet?" I asked taking a bite out of my bread. He turned to glare at me. "What?"

"It's not like that. Soon but she is not just a fuck. She wants to wait a little."

"Pussy whipped!"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Like I said, pussy whipped!"

"Shut the fuck up before I break your fucking jaw."

"You wish."

"Wanna bet?"

"What's up your fucking ass? Since when do you react like this about girls?" I asked seriously.

"Since Rose. She isn't like those other girls man."

"Hmm." Was I all I could say.

"How bout Lauren? _Fucked her_?" Emmett asked still sounding pissed at me.

"Sucked my dick but I haven't actually fucked her yet."

"Good?"

"I'm not telling you!" I said shoving him in the shoulder before shoving the last of my bread roll into my mouth.

"When are you going to do her?" I shrugged.

"You know it's been almost a month since I've had me some pussy." I said sounding too depressed even to my own ears.

"A month? Fuck!"

"I know. Believe me I know… where the fuck is Gianna when you need her." I laughed. Gianna was one of my regulars back in Seattle. We were fuck buddies in other words.

"Or Vicki." He added.

"Or both." I added with a laugh.

"You are sick."

"Don't tell me you've never tried it."

"As a matter of fact, no I haven't."

"Well, you should. You're fucking missing out on the best shit of your life. Imagine two girls, both at your mother fucking mercy." I explained as I remembered the shit clearly in my head. What a change my life has taken.

Just as Emmett came to say something my cell rang again. It was none other than Lauren. I internally groaned.

"Hey,"

"Edward, what are you up to?"

"Just hangin'."

"Want to go out for a bit?" She purred into the phone. That seems to be code for 'want to go fuck?'

"Ah…I'm kind of tired." I lied.

"Oh, well, how bout tomorrow?"

"I'll let you know, I can't promise you anything." I said rolling my eyes. She was always so fucking eager to see me.

"Ok then." She said sounding disappointed.

"Bye."

"Bye Edward." I hung up.

I spent the rest of the evening doing homework for my other subjects and then went to sleep early. I was fucking tired from staying up late every night with Em and I was in desperate need of some sleep.

I got to school late, go figure. I sleep early but sleep in, tell me the fucking logic in that. I was sent to the office to sign in and write out a fucking letter explaining why I was late.

_Fucking rules._

I got into math about fifteen minutes late earning an unappreciative look from Mrs. Davis, I just glared at her. Not to mention the fuck wits in room that were gawking at me as I made my way to my desk. Geez, like none of them have ever been fucking late.

I made it into English and sat down in my usual spot. I caught Jake glaring at me as he walked into class. The fuck wit was getting on my last nerve. If he had a fucking problem with me I wanted him to be a fucking man and approach me about it.

He took his place and throughout class was occasionally taking glances in my direction. I was so fucking close to jumping out of my seat, shoving his tall ass against the fucking wall and demand to know what his fucking problem was.

But I couldn't

And I didn't

I wasn't about to let some shit like him ruin it for me. So I stayed put and tried to ignore him which wasn't easy at all mind you.

The rest of the day went by like the usual. Tyler still smirks at me every time he passes and I have to keep reminding myself of my granddad Anthony to stay in check otherwise I would lose it…big time. I wasn't able to let out my frustration at him last time so it is fucking bottled up inside of me screaming to come out, reaching its boiling point with each time that I see him. I knew it was going to take only one nasty word from him and all hell would break loose…like I said, I have anger issues.

Lauren met me outside of my government class. She walked me to the cafeteria and demanded I sit with her group of friends. I took a quick glance at her table and there was no way in fuck I was going to sit with Jessica, Mike out of all fucking people, Eric and Amanda.

"Nah, anyways I have to work on my biology assignment." I said as I removed her tight grip from my arm. The girl was clingy as fuck.

"You just want to spend time with _Isabella_ don't you?" She sneered at me.

"What?" I asked in irritation.

"You have been spending a lot of time with that bitch la-"

"Don't you fucking call her a bitch." I snapped.

_Defensive much Cullen?_

"See what I mean?"

"Do you know what Lauren? I don't have time for your shit so when you're fucking ready to talk to me I'll be in the library with _Isabella_. And I'll try not to _fuck _her while I'm at it." I sneered before walking away.

I felt like shit because Bella did not deserve to be spoken about like that. She was not a fuck at all and never will be and any fucking guy who even thinks of her that way will have to fucking deal with me.

_Back the fuck up Cullen….as if you would have any say anyway…._

_Yeah, but I could always try._

Fuck, I was fucking talking to my conscious now…._real_ normal.

I grabbed a bottle of water and headed over to Jasper's table to wait for Bella. I tried not to replay what the fuck Lauren just said about her because my anger was already bubbling up inside of me. My jaw was clenched tight as I tried to get a grip over myself. It was a fucking assignment for goodness sake. And I thought Bella said that Lauren sees herself above everyone else? Well, I guess she ain't so confident after all, huh?

I tried joining in on the conversation going on at our table to try and calm myself down but with no success. Although Jazz cracked a few jokes that made me laugh. The more time I spent with him the more I loved his fucking ass. His was funny and such a gentleman when he wanted to be and I loved that about him. Such a genuine person, it has been years since I have come across anyone like that and it was refreshing.

Before I knew it, Bella was standing beside me, smiling up at me with her big brown eyes. Whenever she smiled her whole face lit up and made her glow… _don't get the fuck carried away_.

"Hi," Bella said smiling at me. I couldn't help but smile back, her and her freakish power that she has over me. I felt all my anger diminish just from the sight of her warm smile.

"Hey," I replied smiling back at her.

"Edward!" I turned and found Lauren approaching me. Here we go….

I stared at her with a raised eyebrow just impatient for her to get to the point so we could go.

"I just want to say I'm sorry baby…I didn't mean what I said. I know Bella is nothing to you and quite frankly she has nothing over me so I don't have anything to worry about." She was looking up at me from underneath her eyelashes, completely ignoring Bella in her stance and talking about her like she wasn't even standing right there hearing everything she just said. I glanced over at Bella and found her brows her furrowed in confusion and a look of complete hurt on her face. She was chewing on her bottom lip nervously, her eyes met mine for a second before she looked away and down at her feet. Why the fuck were girls so cruel? I hated seeing Bella hurt like that. I clenched my jaw and my hands automatically balled into fists as I tried to keep my anger in check.

"You know, how about you go sit down with your group of friends." I said through clenched teeth. It was probably a good idea she get away from me now because I wasn't sure for how much longer I was going to be able to hold in what I really wanted to say, and it wouldn't be fucking pretty. Lauren pouted as she looked up at me and I looked away, completely hating it when she pouted. She looked fucking stupid doing it. Lauren was really getting on my fucking nerves and if it wasn't for the fact that I really needed a fuck soon I wouldn't stay with her for a second longer.

"Ok, baby," She said completely oblivious to the way I was being so cold toward her. She leaned up to kiss me but I pulled my head back quickly, not really in the mood to kiss her at all, especially after she just insulted Bella. She pouted again when she saw me pull back but didn't say anything. She glanced over at Bella, smiling smugly at her before spinning on her heel and walking off.

I turned my attention to Bella who was still standing there looking awkward as fuck. Her shoulders were slumped forward and she looked defeated almost.

"Ready?" I asked. My voice seemed to snap her out of whatever stupor she may have seemed to be in, her eyes snapping to mine as if she was surprised to see me there. I looked her questioningly wondering why she seemed so lost.

She nodded forcing a little smile and quickly looked away again. I gestured with my hand for her to begin walking in front of me. She began walking as I followed closely behind her. I tried not to stare at her sexy as fuck ass swaying in front me and as soon as I began to feel the fucking tightening in my pants I looked away and lowered the books in my hands to cover my growing erection. Yeah…I really needed some pussy soon.

We made our way to the library and straight for the computers. I sat down and connected to the internet straight away. Bella sat on the computer beside me in silence as she began searching for information. She still hadn't said a word to me and she wasn't even looking at me. I glanced at her and noticed she didn't look too happy. I wondered if that had anything to do with Lauren.

I was dying to ask her what was wrong because I didn't like seeing her upset. Ok, I knew what was wrong with her, it all had to do with what Lauren said, but i wasn't sure why she seemed so lost. She was sitting there in front of the computer beside me and she hasn't even looked in my direction yet, like I wasn't even here. Her mind seemed like it was somewhere else entirely. I didn't want to sound like a snooping ass because maybe she didn't want to talk about it. But I bit the bullet and asked her anyway.

"Penny for your thoughts." I stated keeping my focus on the monitor in front of me, trying to seem nonchalant about it.

"Huh?" She asked turning to me looking surprised.

"You seem upset." I stated.

Ok, now normally anyone being upset doesn't bother me, I have my own shit to deal with let alone somebody else's but Bella was different, I wanted to know and I almost wanted to help her if I could.

She shook her head, keeping her eyes on her screen, "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Suit yourself." I said staring at her intently.

Why was it that I felt so drawn to her? I couldn't explain it and it was shitting me because I hate feeling like this, feeling things I have never felt before, strong feelings. I feel like I have no control over the way my body was reacting to her.

**BPOV**

Was I really that obvious?

I guess I really needed to work on hiding my emotions a little better. I was usually so good at it but I guess because it has been so long, it's all almost new to me again.

"_I know Bella is nothing to you and quite frankly she has nothing over me so I don't have anything to worry about."_

Her words were replaying in my head like a broken record, grating on my nerves, resurfacing old voices.

_NO!_

I shook my head, not wanting to go _there…Refusing _to go there_. _I've been happy for a while now, learning to control my mind, learning to steer clear of anything that could bring back all those thoughts. They haven't made an appearance for a while now and I'm going to make sure it stays that way. I mean, this isn't the first time I've been subjected to cruel comments that make me question myself and my 'supposed' recovery. But questioning myself, I guess, was all part of the process. I've been told those _questioning voices_ will never subside, no matter how 'recovered' I am, that the voices in my head will always make a reappearance when my self confidence is mentioned. Its just all a part of it, so that normally helps me to just brush them off and move on, without letting myself get _too _caught up in them enough to affect me.

Lauren's cutting words were nothing new to me. I've been the victim to her nasty and degrading comments for sometime now and I fight back and defend myself the best I can. But her comment today was something new to me.

"_I know Bella is nothing to you…"_

I _wanted_ to be something to Edward. I really did. I liked him a lot, almost too much and it terrified me because he was way out of my league. Like Lauren said, I had 'nothing' over her, because she was beautiful and attractive and I was just….NO! I will not go there. I refuse to go there and allow myself to fall into that deep dark hole where everything disappears and hope isn't within my reach. I refuse, I refuse and I refuse. And what makes it all worse is that my feelings for Edward are growing…out of my control. I don't want to like him because he is out of my league. Our leagues are not even on the same parallel. Girls like me just don't date guys like Edward Cullen. And I knew I was just setting myself up for disappointment by even considering the possibility of us being more. But whenever our eyes meet, I feel so drawn to him and I haven't felt like about any guy…ever. I needed to get a grip over myself, these thoughts were not healthy for me. I'm over it…I'm over it…

I shook my head to clear it from my depressing thoughts and took a deep breath. I needed to focus on the assignment at hand, a distraction. I always welcomed distractions with open arms although I have not needed a distraction in over a year, I've been doing so well and I'm not about to let a snarky remark from the queen bitch get to me. We sat in silence as we continued to work on our assignments. To be quite honest, I was avoiding having to talk to him. My hurt and jealousy was seeping through my facial expressions so can you imagine my voice? I didn't want him to know how I felt about him because that would just scare him away. And at this point I would take whatever he would give me, if it was just a biology partner than I'll be more than happy with that.

We worked on our assignment for the rest of lunch and only talked when was necessary. Lunch ended and we packed up our stuff and walked into biology side by side and holy crap did he smell good. He always smelt great…smelt just like aftershave or something else I couldn't quite pin point… but whatever it was it was having a damn strong affect over my body… If only he was accessible.

_Yeah, but even if he was you couldn't get him…_

Sad but true…

We sat down in biology and Mike walked up to our table deciding to completely ignore Edward.

"Hey Bella."

"Mike, hey. What's up?"

"Was just wondering if you would like to go to the movies tonight? Our group is going and I thought it would be great if you joined us." He said sounding very hopeful. I noticed Edward look up at Mike then at me before he returned his attention back to this notes.

_What was that all about?_

"Uh…I don't know…it's a week night so I'm not sure if mum would let me." I lied. It was a lame excuse but I really wasn't going to the movies with his group…especially if Lauren was going.

"Ok, how bout Friday or Saturday night?" Mike suggested. Does he ever give up?

"I'll let you know." I said looking down at my hands on top of the table. I looked back up at him and noticed him staring at Edward. I looked over at Edward and saw that he was glaring at Mike.

I continued to look between the both of them trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Mike was first to look away back at me, gave me an uncomfortable smile and hurried off back to his desk. Edward relaxed a little and then looked at me, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked feeling uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Why don't you just tell him you're not interested? The guy is dumb to not take a fucking hint." He said glaring over back in Mike's direction.

"Ahh…he knows I'm not interested. Why do you care?" I asked.

"I don't." He answered quickly. "I just fucking hate hearing his pathetic attempts at dating you every fucking week and you pathetically trying to reject him."

"Oh, so you think I'm pathetic?" I asked offended.

"What? No. That's not what I meant…I mean your excuses to reject him….FUCK!" He said loudly in frustration, raking both hands through his hair and tugging at the ends. It seemed like he wasn't able to express what he was trying to say.

Half the class heard and all turned to look at him. He looked up at each and everyone of them and glared at them as if saying, 'Fuck off'.

"You don't have to explain yourself." I murmured ignoring the stares he was being subjected to.

"Just listen ok?" He asked looking back at me. I nodded my head and listened. "I'm not fucking good with this kind of shit so excuse me if I say something offensive…it's just the way my fucked up brain handles things." He explained sounding frustrated with himself.

"You're brain is not fucked up." I said quietly.

He looked over at me and tried to fight back a smile. "Thanks…I guess." He said and then let out a little chuckle. And it was the cutest, sexiest most beautiful chuckle I had ever heard…musical almost.

_Yep...definitely letting this get too far._

"Everyone has their issues _believe m_e."

"I find that hard to believe." He sighed.

Mr. Molena walked in and got class started. He asked how our assignments were going and everyone groaned. No surprise. He proceeded to make us copy a bunch of notes off the board and then answer some questions from our text book in silence.

Class ended and we began packing our things.

"So, I'll meet you in the parking lot after school?" I asked.

"Yeah, like the usual."

"Kay," I smiled over at him and walked out of class and almost ran into Lauren again. I avoided her intense stare and hurried down the hall and to gym.

Once school was over, Jacob met me at my locker.

"Hey babe." He said leaning in and giving me kiss on the cheek.

"Jakey!"

"Hey!" He said in warning but with a smile about calling him 'Jakey'.

"Want to do something now? I'm bored." He suggested leaning against the locker beside mine.

"I've got to go study with Edward." I tried saying as casually as I could manage knowing very well Jake wouldn't be happy.

"Oh…so when is this assignment due?"

"End of next week." I said shutting my locker and began heading out with Jacob beside me.

"Ok," Was all he said. I guess he has given up on trying to talk shit about Edward.

We walked out of the main building and I was met by Alice and Rosalie.

"Hey chickas."

"Babes, Jasper's is waiting for me, so I'll see you three tomorrow." Alice said as she hugged me and Rose at the same time before giving Jake a brief hug.

"Bye." I waved at her as she pranced her way over to Jasper's car.

"Ok, well I'm off." Jake said.

"K, see you tomorrow." I gave him a big hug and then he was off to his car.

"Walk with me to Emmett's car?" Rosalie asked.

"Sure. You two going somewhere?"

"We're just going to get a bite to eat."

"Nice, you two going well, I see." She nodded.

"We are, and fuck is he a good kisser." She stated.

"Have you slept with him yet?" I asked.

"No, but we have fooled around. Bella…you don't know what you're missing out on." She sighed all dreamy like.

We got to Emmett's car and found him talking with Edward. Edward looked over at me and gave me a warm smile and I swear my heart went into overdrive. I could feel it beating hard against my chest, ringing in my ears. I felt like it was about to explode. Could someone's mere presence have such an affect over me?

"Hey girls!" Emmett grinned, his eyes fixed on Rosalie. The feelings are definitely mutual between those two.

"Ready to go?" Rose asked glancing briefly at Edward before returning her attention back to Emmett.

"Yep, get in your car, I'll follow you home and then we'll go in my car from there."

"Ok, great. Bye guys." Rosalie said as she gave me a tight hug and hurried over to her Porsche.

Emmett waved us goodbye as he climbed into his Jeep and pulled out, leaving Edward and me standing alone.

"I better get to my truck." I suggested as I continued to stand there. I don't know why, but I hated walking away from him. It was stupid I know but I loved being around him.

He continued to look at me, probably wondering why I was still standing there. I shook my head and hurried over to my truck without saying anything else. Before I knew it I was at his house, sitting in his room organizing our work for the afternoon.

Edward sat on his bed reading over the information we had both found at lunch.

"Want me to type this up?" He asked still reading over the notes.

"If you want." I shrugged one shoulder, getting out of his seat.

He got off the bed and sat where I was sitting and I stood behind him, watching him type as his long slender fingers danced across the keyboard. I felt my breathing pick up at the thought of what his fingers could do…

_Dreams Bella….in you dreams._

I forced myself to look away and my eyes caught the picture frame on his desk once again. The one I noticed the first time I came here. I picked it up without thinking of what I was doing to get a closer look at the photo. Edward looked younger in it, probably about 14 or 15 and he had his arm around a guy's shoulder that looked about his age. The thing that caught my eye was the big grin on Edward's face, he looked carefree and happy. I don't see anything remotely close to that when I look at him now.

I caught Edward looking at the frame with furrowed brows and a clenched jaw. He seemed almost angry.

"I'm sorry." I quickly apologized placing the frame carefully back where it was.

He shook his head as if in dismissal but didn't say anything as he returned his attention back to the screen.

"Friend?" I asked hoping he would know what I was asking about. He nodded tersely but didn't say anything, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"How long ago?"

He looked up at me and I could see anger and pain in his eyes and it hurt. It hurt me to see that because I would never want to be the source of that.

"I'm sorry." I apologized again.

"Stop fucking apologizing." He snapped.

I looked away and chewed on my bottom lip as I walked over to his bed and sat down. He had just told me in biology to not take offense to the way he talks. That's just how he is and he doesn't realize he is doing it but I still can't help but get a little hurt at his tone.

He sighed and looked down in his lap before swiveling around in his chair to face me.

"Look, I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh but that is just something I am not willing to talk about right now. Is that ok?" He asked pleading with his eyes. I could never deny him anything with a look like that.

I nodded my understanding and got up and walked over to his stereo to put some music on, something to ease the slight tension that was now lingering in the around between us. I hated myself for being so nosy. There was obviously something strong that he was dealing with that probably had something to do with that photo, most likely the guy standing next to him in the photo. I would just let him come out and speak about it when he was ready.

I switched on his stereo and 'Sing for absolution' by 'Muse' blared out of the speakers. God, I loved this band. I took my seat on the edge of his bed and noticed he wasn't typing. He looked tense as he sat there and just stared at the screen.

I was going to apologize but he had just told me to stop it. So I just sat there feeling like shit for making things awkward between us. I glanced back at the frame and found that it was face down on the table. He must have turned it down when I put the music on.

_Cue the awkwardness and guilt_

"I better get going." I said standing up noticing I had put a big freaking pink elephant in the room and it was probably just best if I left.

"No. Sit down." He said pulling me down by my hand. And there it was again, the electric current, the current that I could feel crackling its way up my arm and through my whole body, my breathing picking up tremendously at the intensity of it. He looked over at my hand thoughtfully before looking up at me. I stared back at him, into his piercing green eyes that weren't as bright as usual, they were a dark jade. I felt my breathing pick up at his intense stare and there was nothing I wanted more than for him to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me, to give me my first kiss because at the moment I wanted no one else but him to give that pleasure to me.

Before I could think anymore of it, his hand left mine and the current stopped immediately, like the circuit had been cut. I could feel myself breathing deeply as I tried to comprehend what that meant.

"Look," He began looking straight at me. "There are things about me that I'm dealing with that I can't discuss with anyone at the moment. I hope you understand but I don't want this to have caused any awkwardness between us."

"Sure, no awkwardness at all." I murmured finding myself unable to look away from his intense stare.

He gave me a half hearted smile and then got up from his seat, running both his hands through his hair.

"Can we stop for the afternoon?" He asked hesitantly.

"Sure." I nodded trying to give him a slight smile, hoping to warm things between us again. "I'll just grab my bag and get going." I said as I stood to grab my bag.

"No, I mean, stop with the assignment, but we could…you know…just hang out. I need a distraction." He said shrugging one shoulder uncomfortably.

I nodded and sat back down on his bed relieved that he wanted me to stay.

He walked over to his massive book shelf and began scanning through his books.

"You like to read?" I asked.

"Mmhmm. Books can provide a nice escape…when you don't have any other means." He turned looking at me over his shoulder with his breathtaking smirk. He looked a little like himself again. I knew he was referring to his weekly rolled up drag.

"Any favorites?" I asked standing up and walking over to stand beside him, running my fingers along the spine of all the books. It was like heaven for me, being surrounded by such an array of great titles. He had so many.

"A few." He said hooking his finger into the top of one and pulling it out.

"The age of Innocence?" I asked surprised glancing at the hard cover.

"I haven't read it to be honest but I thought it might be just your type of book." He answered with a slight smile.

"How did you know?" I asked taking the book from him and running my fingers over the cover gently.

"Love story…aren't all girls into that type of shit?"

"This is priceless shit." I said with a laugh. "And yes, I love it." I said smiling warmly at him. His eyes had a little sparkle in them and I forced myself out his gaze, I could feel my heart beating viciously against my chest. His effect on me seemed to be getting stronger with each passing moment I spent with him.

We spent the next hour going through his collection of music and books. We seemed to like a lot of the same things but there were a few titles that we couldn't agree on. He relaxed a little but he still seemed to be holding back a little of himself. But I wasn't complaining. I never in a million years had I expected Edward to open up in the slightest with me.

I glanced at the clock and noticed I should probably get going. It was still early but I didn't want to feel like I was taking up his time.

"I should get going." I stated breaking the comfortable silence that had been lingering around us for a few minutes.

"Ok. I'll walk you down."

I grabbed my bags and headed for the stairs with Edward following close behind me. The house was peacefully quiet. His dad was at work and Emmett must have been still out with Rosalie.

I got to the front door and opened it up and turned to face him.

"See you tomorrow."

"Sure. Hey….thanks for…you know… just hanging out." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

"No, problem." I smiled and then turned and headed for my truck.

I called Jake once I got home and asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner. He did it often but hadn't done it in a while. Billy was quite a good cook but Jake always loved spending time at my place for dinner. It was an old tradition of ours.

Within ten minutes he was at my door with a massive grin spread across his cute dark features.

"Hey! What do I owe the pleasure of a dinner invitation?" He asked with a smirk.

I grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him in, rolling my eyes at him. "Just be thankful you jerk." I laughed.

"I am thankful, _fuck_ am I thankful." He leaned down till his lips were at my ear, "Eating your food is always a massive pleasure of mine." He whispered.

I turned to face him, narrowing my eyes playfully at him, "What's with the seduction?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Seduction? Great! It must be working then. That deserves a fucking pat on the back." He praised himself, patting himself on the back as he began walked toward the kitchen.

"In your dreams Jakey." I walked over to the fridge and began pulling out all the ingredients I needed for dinner.

"What are you making?" He asked taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"I'm thinking Primavera."

"Perfect." He grabbed the salt and pepper shakers that were on the table and began fiddling with them. "Study session finished early?"

"Yeah."

"What's his house like?"

"Huh?" I asked turning to face him from the pot of water I had waiting to boil at the stove.

"His house. It's a big ass mansion isn't it?"

"Why do you care?"

"Curious, that's all."

"Yes, 'it's a big ass mansion'." I said rolling my eyes at his use of words. "So," I began hoping to steer the topic of conversation, "Tell me, how's that Rabbit going?"

"Yeah, good! I'm just saving up now so I can buy the rest of the parts. I reckon I should have it up and running by the end of the year."

"Really? That's great. Hey, come chuck in the pasta for me will you?" I asked as I threw in some chopped garlic into a pan.

He got up and did as I asked and then took his seat back in his chair. We continued to talk as I cooked and before we knew it Phil was walking through the door.

"Jacob! Hey." Phil greeted happily. He loved Jake to death.

"Yo, Mr. D. How's it hanging?"

I looked over at Jake and shook my head at his use of language. Seriously, 'how's it hanging?' that is something Mike Newton would say.

"Yeah, all is good. Are you staying for dinner?"

"Sure am." Jake grinned.

"Great. Well, I'll be right back."

Phil ran up for a quick shower and then came back down where he took a seat beside Jake as I served up dinner. Renee arrived just on time and the four of us sat down and ate as we talked.

Jake ate enough for all of us put together, god bless his heart. We finished up and Jake helped me clear the table. We went up to my room and hung out while I did my homework.

"Leah asked me out." He stated a little cautiously as if observing my reaction.

"Yeah? When?"

"Last night. She wants to go out Saturday night."

"What did you say?"

"I'll think about it." He said shrugging seeming unsure.

"Why? I thought you liked her." Leah was one of Jake's child hood friends. She used to be around a lot when we were all growing up but she never liked me much and so never really gave me much reason to like her back. I think a lot of it had to do with the close bond Jake and I had. Her dad is from the reservation down in La Push, so she attends the school there.

"I do, but not in any way besides friends."

"Its hard because you wouldn't want to risk what you already have when the chance of something more has a fifty, fifty chance of working."

"That's the thing. But I don't see her in that way, Bella, I never have."

"So, you're going to say no? Won't that make it awkward between you two?" I asked putting my history book away.

"Yeah but wouldn't it be more awkward if I say yes and then we go out on this _date_ or whatever you want to call it, and then she expects more and I don't want it?"

"You have a point but….I don't know. I don't have any experience in that department to help out Jake." I laughed.

"Actually you have a lot of experience in rejecting people, especially Newton." He laughed.

"Yeah, the guy can't seem to take no for an answer." I sighed in frustration.

"I don't blame him, I mean look at you." Jake said trying to flirt with his signature smile. I rolled my eyes.

"You know your whole playful flirting thing is getting a little out hand." I said with a smile but deep down I knew it wasn't playful…there was definitely some seriousness to it and I would never put our friendship at jeopardy to try something out with Jake. I didn't see him in _that _way anyways.

"Who said it was playful?" He asked looking a little hurt.

I stared back at him noticing the sudden tension surrounding us. Me and my big mouth, I should have just let him have his fun and not make it a big deal out of it.

"Hey, have you started on your History essay?" I asked hoping to change the topic and ease the sudden tension that was now lingering between us.

He snapped his gaze away from mine and shook his head, "No," He muttered. "I should get going." He stood up from his place on the floor and helped me up avoiding looking me in the eyes.

"Hey," I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to face me. "You ok?" I asked feeling really guilty.

"Yeah I'm fine." He kissed the top of my head and walked out without another word.

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**Hope you enjoyed that. We are getting little bits and pieces about each of them... both have battled demons or are still battling them...**

**Did you like it? Any questions?**

**Show me the love and Review!!**


	6. Confused

**A/N - I'm back with another chapter only after a few days!! Well, i have up to chapter 11 written so that is why i was able to update this quick. I have two chapters left in MHHT so i can now quicken up the updates on this hopefully!!**

**Love to my virtual family....mwa!!! and big *hugs*  
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Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me...otherwise i would have been a millionaire by now :(

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**EPOV**

I sat on the edge of my bed trying to figure out how to draw the fucking diagram. It was driving me mad. Who would have thought drawing a fucking kidney could be so fucking hard? I mean it looks like a fucking bean but there is so much more to it that I have previously overlooked. Kidney's are fucking important too, they're filters for our bodies. Filters to clean all the unwanted toxins out of our system. Fuck, I'd hate to think what kind of shit my fucking kidney would be sieving through. It would be working overtime trying to rid my body from all the shit I consume. I took one last look at my lousy diagram and sighed in frustration before throwing it onto the bed beside me.

Bella looked over at me and then the diagram and fought back a smile. She was so fucking adorable when she smiled that I always found that I couldn't help but smile back. Yeah, in case you haven't noticed I am developing some feelings for this girl, yeah I know, shock fucking horror. But like I've mentioned many times before, this girl seems to have some sort of freakish control over me that no one and I repeat _no one_, ever has had on me, and it's some freaky shit.

It was our fourth afternoon at my place working on this damn assignment and it was driving me fucking nuts. Now if it wasn't for Carlisle's threat I seriously wouldn't have bothered with it but I knew I couldn't afford to get suspended or expelled again. Carlisle will only put up with so much of my fucked up behavior, even Carlisle had a fucking breaking point. And not to mention my fucking car, that almost scares me as much as being sent off to live with a grumpy 60 year old. My car is the one thing in my life at the moment that fails to disappoint me. It's kinda sad but true.

"You want to take a break?" she asked as she saw me sitting on my bed staring off into space like a dim wit.

I looked over at her, "Yeah, I'm sick of fucking kidneys." I sighed running my fingers through my hair.

She chuckled at me before she spoke, "Ok, well let me finish this because I'm on a roll." She turned back to my computer and continued to type away at her freakishly fast speed.

She was a little more comfortable around me, each day she seems to be more at ease and I'm glad of that. I have been doing some major thinking over the last two days and decided there would be no harm in befriending her, right? I mean I know we could never be anything more because quite frankly, I knew she deserved so much more and so much better than me and I would never expose her to my truly fucked up self. And not to mention that I wouldn't have a fucking clue what to do in a relationship. It's just not me, my brain doesn't function in 'relationship' mode and I was sure she would just end up more than likely hurt. That aside, I'm not fond of becoming close to people. My past has taught me to keep my distance. Keep your distance from people and you protect yourself from heartbreak. It's just easier that way. I mean I have been through enough fucked up shit in my life to know that I will not put myself through that kind of pain again. It's agonizing, completely consuming. And I have no desire to put myself through anything close to that kind of pain ever again. Better safe than sorry. I keep to myself, keep my distance and it's just safer that way. At least not for the moment. I'm still not over a lot shit and I would be a fucking dick head to risk myself through anything again.

That aside, I think over the last few days it can be safe to say that I think we are slowly heading in that direction, the direction of friends. _That_, I am ok with. I've tried my best to be as nice as I can, which is saying a lot for me and she hasn't had anymore of her freaky outbursts about Lauren or my cock. Ok, that sounded weird but you know what I'm talking about.

I sighed as I brushed both hands through my hair and laid myself down on my back onto my bed, leaving my legs to hang off the edge. I stared up at the plain white ceiling and figured I could really do with a nap. But I couldn't do that with her here, that would just be rude and unfair considering she was doing the bulk of this assignment. She has been nice enough to just let me do the diagrams.

I decided I might just rest my eyes till she finished. We've been at this shit for an hour and a half and I've seriously had enough biology for one afternoon. I closed my eyes and just tried to think of nothing. I must have fallen asleep because I heard Bella calling my name but when I tried to speak the only thing that came out was a groan.

_Way to go Cullen._

"Edward?" I heard her voice whisper again.

"Hmm?" I hummed just wanting to go back to sleep.

"I'm going home now, it's getting late."

"What?" I forced my eyes open and forcefully sat my tired ass up. She was standing by my feet, looking at me.

"I have to go home." She repeated.

"Yeah…yeah…yeah," I began, trying to gather my sleepy thoughts, "You said something about being late?" I asked with a coarse voice. Ok, I have definitely been asleep way too long.

"It's almost six and I'm pretty sure mum and Phil are home by now." She explained biting her bottom lip to stop what looked like a smile. _No, don't hide that, I like that smile_.

_What_?

I seriously need to get over this crap.

"Oh, I didn't mean to fall asleep it just happened." I said as I rubbed my face in an attempt to wake myself up properly.

"Its fine, I didn't want to wake you. You were snoring a little so you must have been tired." She chuckled lightly.

"I was snoring?" I groaned in embarrassment.

"Mmhm." She smirked.

"Fuck." Was all my stupid sleepy brain could conjure up in that moment.

"Well, ah, I'll see you tomorrow then." She said turning around and grabbing her bag before she started for the door. I forced myself up to walk her down. I was sure Carlisle would be downstairs and I didn't want her to face him alone. Especially considering she hasn't met him before and knowing Carlisle he would not to chat.

We walked down the stairs and to no surprise Carlisle was in the kitchen 'cooking up a storm'. Yeah, that's what he says of himself most of the time. _Talk about fucking ego_.

"Edward. Who's your friend?" Carlisle asked smiling at Bella. _Friend?_ Way to put the fucking awkwardness between us Doc.

"Bella." I answered in my croaky voice. Carlisle looked at me unimpressed at my rudeness in failing to properly introduce her.

"I'm Bella Swan, Edward's biology partner." Bella explained shyly. Ok, she skipped over the friend thing and called me her Biology partner. What the fuck?

"Nice to meet you Bella, sorry about Edward, he seems to forget the manners that I have taught him since he was a young boy." Carlisle explained with a frown and a brief glance in my direction.

"Fucking manners my ass." I mumbled.

"Edward." Carlisle said sternly in warning, glaring at me.

"Yes?" I asked rolling head around my shoulders, still tired and not in the mood for Carlisle.

"I really should get going." Bella said quickly obviously noticing the tension between Carlisle and I.

"I'll walk you." I said as I gestured for Bella to start walking in front of me.

"I need to talk to you Edward." Carlisle said softly just enough for me to hear. Him and his fucking _talks_. I've had to fucking endure his _talks _more times than I can count and it is the same fucking bull shit each fucking time.

"Yeah, when I fucking feel like it." I murmured as I walked off after Bella. It's not like I didn't know what the hell he was going to say anyway. "So, I'll see you tomorrow." I said dryly. I was pissed off at Carlisle for acting like a fucking prick and couldn't seem to hide it from my voice.

"Ok, see you then." She said as she opened the door to leave.

"Bye." I said as she got to her truck and then I shut the door behind her and headed back to the kitchen to go upstairs. My only fucking problem was that the fucking stairs leading upstairs were through the kitchen…who was the fucking genius that designed this place?

"Edward, come here!" Carlisle said sternly as I made a bee line for the stairs.

"Later." I called over my shoulder.

I was unlucky because I heard his footsteps following me up the stairs so I slowed down and decided to stop at the top of the stairs to just speak to him and get this fucking over with before he completely loses it. I also knew there would be no escaping it.

I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for him to get there. He stood at the top of the last step and he didn't look impressed… at all. I was fucking screwed.

"When I ask to speak to you, you listen to me alright? I am your father and as long as you're living under my roof you listen to _me_. Understand?" He spoke through clenched teeth. I nodded while rolling my eyes and apparently that was the wrong fucking thing to do. "_Edward_, I am getting sick and tired of your behavior. Speak up or else I am going to go downstairs and grab the phone and make a very life changing phone call to your Granddad."

"Yes I understand." I tried to say as calmly as I could, but my attitude was seeping through. I had no control over that shit.

"I know this move here to a new town has been hard on you, I understand that. I promised myself I would give you a month, and that's being over nice, before I expected to see any sort of change in your behavior. It's _been _a month already Edward and I have seen no change."

"What the fuck do you want me to do? Start prancing around and singing about how much I love this fucking cold, rain drenched boring as fuck town?!" I said loudly, on the verge of yelling. I was losing my cool and I knew I had to keep a hold on that shit but that was something I found hard to do whenever my behavior and failures were mentioned.

Carlisle took a deep breath, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. I was pushing him, I knew it but I didn't give a fuck about anything he had to say to be completely honest.

"You are pushing my limits Edward, you really are and I know you're doing it on purpose. You thought back in Seattle when I threatened to move us to a new town if you didn't improve that I was bluffing. And you're living the proof now that I wasn't. Isn't that proof enough that I am _not _bluffing now?" He said trying to stay calm. I could tell he was _really_ trying. The man can only take so much bull shit from me. Unfortunately, that was never enough to stop me. I was beginning to lose it. I absolutely fucking hated it when he threatened me. My hands balled into fists by my side as I tried to keep a hold over my temper but it was too late. My anger was consuming me and whenever that happens I lose complete control over what comes out of my mouth.

"You're half the fucking reason I'm _here. _You're the fucking reason I'm _fucked_ up." I snapped. I knew that was a low blow but it was true. Emmett wouldn't agree with me, no one would but I believed it was true. He needed to stop putting the blame on me when he was the fucking reason I've become all screwed up. I saw anger flash through his eyes at me. I almost flinched back it was that intense but I stood my ground, waiting for him to crack it, because I knew he was on the verge of it.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked as he appeared behind Carlisle.

Carlisle and I ignored Emmett, still staring each other down. Carlisle seemed to be lost in his own head, anger and hurt heavily evident in his gaze toward me, he had me locked into it. He had this freaky power to hold me in his gaze whenever he lost it. I was almost too afraid to look away.

"Dad?" Emmett asked glancing over at Carlisle, wondering why he wasn't answering. Emmett's voice snapped me out of it and my eyes flashed to Emmett, he seemed to comprehend this was something serious.

"Nothing Emmett, go to your room." Carlisle said finally snapping out of his trance, glancing over at Emmett briefly. His voice was numb, emotionless. Eerie almost. He could either let me pass on this shit or I was about to cop it. It could go either way at the moment.

Emmett stared at me wide eyed, noticing Carlisle's tone. He was used to this shit. Back in Seattle, Carlisle and I were at this shit on a daily basis. Emmett and I have both grown accustomed to his mannerism in situations like this and his voice just indicated he was at his peak, about to lose it and it takes a lot for Carlisle to lose it.

"Now Emmett." Carlisle said as Emmett just continued to stand there staring between the two of us. His voice held some irritation in it now. He must have gotten a hold of himself. It was amazing how much control he had over his temper. If it wasn't for that, I would have been dead long ago, it's the reason I get away with so much.

Emmett finally shuffled past Carlisle and me and walked into his room and shut the door behind him.

"Edward?" Carlisle called as I stared behind him. "Look at me." His tone was hard.

I finally looked at him just bored of his shit and made to feel like a fucking failure.

"Can I go to my room?" I asked glaring at him.

"If I don't see an improvement in your grades, you can say goodbye to your car. And if that attitude you have isn't going anywhere well then you will be on the next flight to Chicago." He warned looking me straight in the eyes. It didn't pass me that he completely ignored my comment about blaming him. And for him to have done that I was fucking lucky. Because I've only gotten Carlisle on that topic twice and both times he had fucking snapped. I even threw a punch at him once after he had shoved me up against the wall as soon as the words had slipped my mouth.

I saluted him mockingly and turned on my heel and went into my room and slammed the door shut after me, relieved that I just escaped Carlisle's possible wrath. A few seconds later I heard a knock on my door and I thought it would be Carlisle coming to fucking tell me off for slamming the door.

"Fuck off!" I called out.

The door opened and Emmett walked in.

"Oh, it's you."

"Yeah, what happened?" He asked as he shut the door behind him.

"Carlisle's just being Carlisle." I said, irritation still lacing my voice.

"What did he tell you off about?"

"Nothing, long story, usual crap. What are you doing now?" I asked as I laid down on my bed trying to distract him away from this topic.

"It seemed a little intense there. Carlisle was in his freaky stupor and we both know he only snaps into it when he gets really pissed… like _really_ pissed. What did you say?" Emmett asked obviously ignoring my comment to forget the situation. I sighed.

"I threw the blame at him." Emmett's eyes widened.

"Fuck Edward, you can't keep doing that shit. You know it was out of his control-"

"Fucking shut it now Emmett before I lunge at your fucking throat and silence you myself." I snapped jumping up from my bed. He held his hands up, palms facing me.

"I'll keep quiet, fuck… you're really not over this shit are you." He said almost to himself. His words weren't a question, more a realization to himself.

"Get the fuck out." I snapped as my anger boiled over. I've never thrown a punch at Em, but when it comes to this fucking topic I take no fucking prisoners. I lose complete control over myself, my brain clouds over, it's like I become possessed, everything becomes hazy and nothing is clear to me. "I said get the fuck out." I said through clenched teeth this time, trying to maintain some sort of self control.

"Sorry, I've dropped it, I've dropped it." He said quickly, holding his hands up again.

I took a few deep breaths whilst raking my fingers frantically through my hair, pacing my room to calm myself down. I walked over to my desk and opened up the top drawer and pulled out the Stolichnaya. I unscrewed it, brought it up to my lips and tipped it back, taking one hell of a long swig. I shivered as the alcohol burned its way through my system. I could already feel the warmth spreading through me, relaxing me slightly, only slightly. I tipped it back one more time before walking over to slump down onto my bed, the bottle clutched tightly within my hand.

"Drowning your sorrows with some Stoli huh?" Emmett teased. I ignored him. It was amazing how he could let shit just pass him. Nothing fazed Emmett much and a part of me wished I was like that. "Hand it over." He said, holding his hand out. I glanced over at him before taking another quick swig and then handed it to him. He took it from me, tipped it back, grunting as the liquid burned its way through him.

"Want to go watch a movie? It might be a good distraction." Emmett suggested. I snatched the bottle back off him and took a drink.

"I've got all the distraction I need right here." I said clutching the Stoli against my chest. Emmett laughed.

"Then let's watch a DVD or something."

"I don't really care, whatever. I don't really feel like watching anything." I said falling back and lying down on my bed.

"Get the fuck up and watch a movie with me you little bitch." Emmett said hitting my leg.

I sighed knowing he wasn't one to give up, "Go get the movie ready and I'll meet you."

We ended up watching Public Enemy with Johnny Depp, didn't do much as a distraction for me but the Stoli helped some as did the shit load of cigarettes I smoked during the movie. Luckily, Emmett had a balcony attached to his room otherwise he wouldn't have put up with that shit and neither would have Carlisle for that matter. After we finished that, we played a little Halo and I was fucking tipsy so my playing was slopping but Emmett fucking loved it, beating my score. So by the time we went to sleep it was 2am and I was drunk. Yeah, I just can't wait to wake up for school tomorrow, I thought sarcastically.

**BPOV**

I sat with my beloved Wuthering Heights and drank my coffee on the couch, lounging, allowing myself to wake up peacefully and slowly. I got quite a few hours sleep last night so I've woken up feeling refreshed and happy. And there is nothing more I love than waking up to a cup of coffee and a book.

Once it was time to leave, I shoved my book into my bag and grabbed a blueberry bagel and headed for my truck.

Edward and I had been doing quite well on our assignment and we were already half way through. I figured we could take a few days break if he wanted to, considering we have been working on it everyday after school and at lunch. I was sure he was sick of me already.

Our relationship or whatever you wanted to call it was getting better. He seemed a little more comfortable around me as I did with him. He wasn't as tense all the time but I knew he was still holding back a lot of himself. I knew that was something that he would probably never do, is open up, to me or anybody for that matter. He wasn't a boy of many words unless his temper got the better of him. I knew there were a lot of issues he was dealing with and I know out of all people that talking about it is not easy. Suffering alone is normally the easiest way. Not talking about it with anyone, more like not talking about it out loud makes it seem less real. Lessens the pain minutely which doesn't sound like much but when you're in constant pain, the slightest bit more is enough to send you over the edge. Now, I was speaking from experience so I have no idea what Edward was dealing with but I knew it was something he still wasn't over. And a part of me wanted to know what that was…

I pulled my truck into its usual space and climbed out. As I was heading toward the main building I heard my little pixie call out my name.

"BELLA!"

I turned around and found her and Rosalie hurrying up to me. I stopped and waited for them till they both engulfed me into a tight group hug.

"What a way to be greeted." I laughed as they both pulled away.

"What can we say? We love our little bitch." Rosalie smirked as she put her arm around my shoulder and began walking to the main building.

"What are we doing tonight chickas?" Alice asked as we entered.

"What's Jazz doing?" I asked the both of them.

"Don't know." Rose said.

"Yeah neither do I. Why, want to do something as a group?"

"Ah…not really, it's just that Jazz is always up to something." I shrugged.

"This is me ladies." Alice said as we reached her classroom.

"Ok, we'll talk in math." I said as I waved her goodbye.

Rosalie and I kept walking and talking, shuffling our way past the crowd of students. We ran into Emmett.

"Hey," Rosalie smiled with a slight blush. Ok, if Rosalie is actually blushing, then she must _really _like this guy.

"Hey," Emmett said with a smile as he gazed down at Rose. Hmm… sweet love.

"Ok," I said breaking them out of their love trance. "I'm off." They both mumbled a bye and I just shook my head laughing at them as I walked off.

I made it into History and found Jacob already at our table waiting for me.

"Hey, babe." Jake greeted with a grin. I was actually a little worried about seeing him today after what I said last night about his flirting. He seemed hurt when he walked out but I guess he appeared to be fine today. His big toothy grin was telling me he was back to himself. That was one thing I loved about Jake, he doesn't hold grudges.

"Hey, you're here early."

"Yeah, Seth picked me up today. For some fucking reason he was eager for school man."

"Things seem to be going well with Rose and Emmett."

"Yeah? He seems like an ok guy, actually. Better than his fuck wit of a brother."

Ok, I knew if I wanted to keep the peace, then I was going to have to ignore that comment even though it pissed me off. I shrugged it off and decided to just change the subject.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Not sure, Seth mentioned something about Paul and the beach tonight."

"Oh, ok."

"What's with the 'oh, ok'? Seriously Bella, when are you going to learn that you are my other fucking half? Just tag along, you don't need a fucking invitation." He said nudging my shoulder with his.

"I know. I'll see first what Rose and Alice are doing and then I'll let you know."

Mr. Henderson walked in soon after and stuffed us with work for the remainder of class and weren't allowed to talk, ending that conversation between Jake and me.

I headed into math and found all my girls already in there. I took my seat after giving a little hug to Angela.

"Ok, this is what we're doing." Rose said patting my hand excitedly on the table. "Emmet has invited us over to his place to watch some movies." Rose said with a grin like it was the best idea in the world. And what was the very first thing that came to mind after hearing that? That's right people…Edward.

"Who's _us_?" I asked.

"Well, he and Edward have become great friends with Jazz," She rolled her eyes before she continued, "So, they had invited Jazz over for a boys night or sorts. But I told Emmett that well, Jazz is my brother and Alice's boyfriend so we should be able to tag along." She shrugged.

"That's right, so we're going. Their dad is working a night shift, so it will be just us." Alice added.

"Hmm, I guess." I said with a shrug.

The thing was, I was fine around Edward when it was just the two of us, well 'fine' as in much better that what we were in the beginning. But I felt like in front of our friends we had to watch how close we got. No body seemed to like Edward all that much.

"What's with the uncertainty Bella?" Rosalie asked with furrowed brows.

"Nothing, I'll be there."

"You and Emmett seem to be going well, yeah?" Angela asked Rosalie.

"More than just well… if you know what I mean." Rose winked.

The rest of the day dragged on. Classes were slow and I was given another essay in English and was pretty much packed with homework for the weekend. I got to the cafeteria at lunch and found Edward waiting for me.

"Hi," I smiled as I approached him unable to hide my happiness to see him.

"Ready?" He asked about to start walking off.

"Wait," I said grabbing him by the arm. A shot of electricity shot through me as soon as I touched him. This was getting out of hand. He stared down at my hand clutching his arm and then at me with a cocked eyebrow. I quickly dropped his arm. "Sorry… ah, I was just thinking, since we're doing so well so far that we can take a break from working on the assignment for today."

"Oh," He said sounding a little disappointed. He ran his fingers through his hair. "That's cool." He said trying to sound nonchalant suddenly. It didn't escape me at how disappointed he looked. Maybe I was just reading too much into it, maybe it was just because he was surprised. Must be.

I nodded and took my seat beside Jake while Edward walked over and sat between Emmett and Jasper.

"Yo, my place at seven thirty, pizzas and movies." Emmett called out to our table.

"You going?" Jake asked me.

"Umm…yeah."

"Why? Fucking come to the beach with us. We're going to light a fire, have something to eat, relax. You normally love the beach nights." He tried persuading me. Would it be wrong to tell him that a big part of me was going because of Edward?

"I've already agreed to go."

"So, change it!"

I noticed Edward looking over at me and I was positive he could hear every word that was being exchanged between Jake and me. I quickly looked away before I found myself getting hypnotized by his green diamonds.

"Why don't you come with _me_?" I suggested.

"Nah, I'd prefer to go the beach. And as if I would go to Cullen's house." He scoffed shaking his head. "Do whatever you want babe."

Jake walked me to biology after lunch before he headed off to social studies. I sat at my desk and waited impatiently for Edward to arrive. I actually had missed spending that one on one time with him at lunch so I was eager to see him where I could have him alone…well sort of.

He finally walked in, looking at the ground and oozing sexiness. His hair was brushed out of his face but all over the place and he looked like a god damned model in his black jeans and grey jacket with white 'T' underneath.

"Hi!" I said a little too enthusiastically.

"Hey," He said with a slight smile as he sat down beside me.

We sat in silence for a while and I was wondering why he wasn't talking to me. I looked over at him and he was looking at a jar of mice in liquid that was on the bench beside him.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly hoping to get his attention and it worked. He turned to look at me briefly before turning away again and opening up his book and flicking through his notes. Ok, this is getting weird. Have I done something to offend him?

"Is there something wrong?" I asked timidly.

He looked over at me and he seemed to be in deep thought before he answered.

"With what?"

"With…I don't know. Don't worry about it." I shook my head and looked down at my notes. Something was obviously worrying him and I wasn't sure what it was.

Mr. Molena started class and we didn't say anything to each other for the remainder of biology. A part of me was really hurt that he might be mad at me and didn't want to talk to me anymore. Was it because I didn't want to work on the assignment at lunch?

Biology ended and Edward just murmured a quiet, "Bye," before he walked out. I was left standing at my desk feeling rejected. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up at trying to be his friend. I let myself fall too far too soon and that was definitely the wrong thing to do.

I got home made a lasagna and put it in the oven while I went upstairs to take a shower for tonight. I put on my black skinny jeans and slipped on my black t-shirt and purple hoodie on top. I wore my converse shoes and pulled my wet hair up into a pony tail. With a little lip gloss and I was ready to go.

By the time I got downstairs, Renee and Phil were both taking their coats off and hanging them up. I said a quick "Hi" to Renee and Phil as I rushed to the oven to pull out their lasagna.

"Where are you going sweetie?" Renee asked as she took a seat at the table.

"Just a friend's place to watch a movie and have some pizza." I shrugged hoping she wouldn't ask who in front of Phil.

"Oh, do I know them?" Renee asked with a smile. _Here we go_.

"Ah, just with Alice and Rosalie." I said. There, that wasn't lying really. I decided I better head off upstairs before I could be bombarded with more questions.

"Can I go to my room?"

"Sure, Bella." Renee smiled as she began serving the lasagna for herself and Phil.

An hour later I was heading to my truck and over to Edward's house. _Sigh._

When I arrived I found that I was the first one there. _Way to look eager Bella_. I was going to drive around till someone arrived because I didn't want to be alone in there with Edward if he was going to be acting weird with me like he did all of today. But before I could think much of it, I saw the porch light go on and the front door open. _Crap. _Maybe I should consider getting a new quieter car.

I shut the engine off and climbed out. To no surprise it was Emmett at the door waiting for me. I didn't expect to see Edward there anyways.

"Hey Bella! You're the first one here." Emmett said with a smile.

"I noticed." I said smiling shyly. To my surprise he pulled me into a big bear hug causing me to laugh. He almost crushed me with his strength. He put me down and led me into the house. It was quiet except for the faint sound of the TV filtering throughout the house.

"Just take a seat. Would you like a drink?"

"I'm fine for now, thanks." I said as I looked around, hoping Edward would pop out of somewhere happy to see me…._yeah right_.

"Edward's taking a nap the fucking douche." Emmett explained. Did he notice I was looking around for Edward?

"Oh," I said sounding a little more disappointed than really necessary.

Emmett must have noticed because he looked over at me and it looked like he was trying to fight back a smirk.

_Maybe I should consider taking some acting lessons…._

He led me over to the lounge and he plopped himself down on the arm chair while I sat down on the large sofa. We were watching reruns of 'Family Guy' and man did I love that show. Emmett was laughing out loud throughout it occasionally saying the lines with the characters. He must have seen this episode before. Before I knew it the door bell rang and Jasper and Rosalie arrived, followed a few minutes later by Alice.

Emmett ordered the pizzas soon after and got drinks out for everyone. Everyone coupled up on the couches leaving me to sit alone on the two-seater. Alice and Jasper were cuddled up against one another on the arm chair, so that Alice was practically sitting in Jasper's lap while Emmett and Rose were sitting side by side with Emmett's arm around Rose's shoulder pulling her close to his side.

So I was feeling a little awkward….yeah…just a little.

We watched the movie 'The Dark Knight' as we waited for the pizzas to arrive. I have to admit I wasn't really concentrating as I wondering when the hell Edward was going to come down or if he was even going to come down at all. Was he upstairs avoiding me? I was starting to get angry at myself for once again letting him get to me like this. I tried to focus on the movie but I couldn't. I kept glancing in the direction of the kitchen hoping to see him pop out and come join us. But he didn't.

The pizzas arrived and Emmett paused the movie while he went to pay for them and grab some plates. He set them down on the coffee table and we all grabbed a slice and the movie was started again from where we left off.

I ate one slice of pizza because I was too pissed to eat anything more. If he had a problem with me, why doesn't he just tell me? Maybe he was just a coward.

The movie finished and Emmett decided it was still early and asked if we would like to watch another movie or just hang out. Rosalie saw 'The curious case of Benjamin Button' lying on the side table amongst other DVDs. So she suggested watching that because of Brad Pitt. Jasper and Emmett rolled their eyes but put the movie in anyway.

About ten minutes into the movie when I was ready to leave at being so mad at Edward's rudeness I heard a light shuffle come from the direction of the kitchen. I looked over and found Edward in there grabbing a glass of water. My heart went into overdrive and excitement pulsated through me. Ok, quite an over reaction but I couldn't help it. He has officially taken over my body in that sense.

I watched as he drank and I realized that I was staring at him but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was just happy that he finally decided to make an appearance. He put the glass down on the bench and looked over at me catching me staring at him. _Way to go…_

I quickly looked away and thanked the dark room to hide my prominent blush that was flaming my cheeks. From my peripheral I saw him walking towards us till he stopped and glanced over at everyone.

"Hey," He croaked out. Ok, he must have been asleep this whole time.

"Hey Edward." Jasper said happily. Alice gave him a small smile before returning her attention back to the movie while Rosalie and Emmett didn't even bother turning to acknowledge him. I knew Rosalie wasn't too fond of Edward so it wasn't a surprise to me. I just smiled briefly at him before turning my attention back to the movie, trying to seem casual.

"There's still pizza if you want." Emmett suggested keeping his eyes on the TV. I chanced a glance at him and caught him eyeing out the seat beside me. I looked around and realized that was the only available seat, unless he preferred to sit next to Rosalie who was now snuggled up next to Emmett.

He walked over to the coffee table, grabbed a plate and placed a probably now cold pizza slice onto it. He hesitantly walked back over to me and sat down beside me, but as far to the other said as possible.

_My heart sank._

He obviously seemed to find me repulsing. The space between us wasn't big enough for someone to squeeze into, even someone as tiny as Alice, so we were still quite close. If he hadn't been shoving himself against the arm of the chair on his side, our sides would probably have been touching.

_If only…_

I tried to focus on the movie but found that all I could focus on was every move he made. From my peripheral I watched him eat, brush his fingers through his hair, scratch the back of his neck, put his empty plate on the table beside him, glance around at everyone and even scratch his eyebrow. He also had a cushion that he was clutching onto tightly in his lap.

Call it obsession?

Maybe.

Call it unhealthy?

Maybe so.

Did I really care?

No, not really.

So that's how I spent watching the rest of the movie, watching him from my peripheral and soaking up his presence. And he looked hot, but what was new? He was wearing a pair of distressed jeans and a blue t-shirt and some blue and white Nikes.

The movie finally finished and Emmett turned it off and switched the lights back on, causing everyone to squint and groan from the sudden light, including Edward. And damn did that sound so freaking sexy coming from him. I just wish I was the one causing a groan like that to come from him. Obviously a groan in pleasure though…

_Dreams Bella….in your dreams._

Everyone got up and stretched after being curled up on the couches for so long. Even Edward stood up and stretched his arms above his head exposing a sliver of his skin on his abs as his jeans were slung quite low. He had a 'V', a freaking 'V' with a heavenly bronze happy trail that disappeared down into his jeans. And holy crap I think I gasped and he noticed. He turned to me dropping his arms back by his sides and looked at me questioningly. I quickly looked down in my lap to hide my blush, I wasn't blessed with darkness anymore.

I looked back up at him and smiled awkwardly when I realized he was still looking at me. His eyes were dark, not the bright green like they usually were. I wasn't sure what that meant but before I could think anymore of it, Emmett interrupted.

"Yo Eddie, come help me grab some ice cream." Emmett boomed out from the kitchen interrupting the trance we seemed to have locked each other into.

Edward shook his head slightly and walked off toward the kitchen.

"Hey, wasn't 'The Dark Knight' great?" Alice asked throwing herself beside me on the couch.

I forced my gaze away from the kitchen and Edward and turned the little bit of attention I had toward Alice.

"Yeah." I said clearing my throat.

"You ok?" Alice asked with concern, looking at me closely.

"Yeah I'm fine."

Emmett and Edward walked back into the room and placed a tub of ice cream and bowls and spoons on the coffee table.

"Scoop us some Eddie." Emmett ordered as he walked over to the stereo to put some music on.

Edward looked over at Emmett, glared at him and mumbled a few words under his breath, I only picked up on the 'fucks', but Emmett didn't notice. He huffed and grabbed the ice cream scooper and attempted at scooping out the ice cream but the ice cream seemed too hard.

"Maybe you should get some hot water in a bowl to dip the scooper in." I suggested.

He looked over at me, I think seeming surprised that I spoke to him.

"Ok."

He got up and walked into the kitchen and came back out with a bowl of hot water. He dipped the scooper in and then tried scooping the ice cream out and it slipped right in. He looked over at me and gave me a small smile…._Yay! Some sort of progress…_

"Thanks." He said softly as he continued to serve up the bowls. Emmett let "Michael Jackson" roll out of the speakers and I heard Edward groan again….yes groan.

_Dreams Bella…in your dreams._

Everyone grabbed a bowl including myself and we all sat back down except for Emmett who ran off upstairs and came back down with a white glove on one hand and a fedora hat. I couldn't hold the laugh that escaped me and Edward looked over at me and shook his head.

"He is such a fucking dim wit that some times I wonder if I was adopted." Edward said trying hard not to laugh at his brother. I grinned back at him realizing he had finally spoken to me, like properly spoken to me. _Calm down Bella…just words…just words._

'Billy Jean' rolled out of the speakers and Emmett did the infamous Michael Jackson starting pose with this head tilted, the hat covering his face slightly and his left foot bent in front of him. He began hip popping to the beat at the beginning of the song. He continued to treat us to a moon walk and signature Michael Jackson kick and spin. I have to admit he was a great dancer.

Jasper was clutching his stomach in laughter as Rosalie covered her face with her hands to hide her laugh. What was funniest was that Emmett was getting right into it. Alice was giggling like hell and then I realized Edward burst out laughing, obviously giving up on trying to hold it back in any longer. He had the most musical laugh and I wondered if there would ever be anything that I didn't like about him.

Much to everyone's entertainment Emmett grabbed his crotch and did the infamous "OW!" And that was it for everyone as we all laughed so hard, Jasper was on the floor by now losing all control.

The song ended and we were all in tears. Emmett grabbed his hat and flicked it at Rosalie, landing in her lap and then gave us little bow seeming quite proud of himself.

"Now that's how you fucking dance bitches!" he exclaimed.

"That was fucking hilarious!" Jasper laughed wiping tears from his eyes.

After everyone had caught their breaths, Emmett switched the song to thriller. Alice started bouncing in her seat in excitement.

"Jasper! Oh my gosh, everyone, Jasper does a fantastic thriller dance." Alice exclaimed barely able to hold in her excitement.

Emmett's eyes widened in approval before he walked over to Jasper and grabbed his hand and pulled him up.

"Yo, Ed, come on bro." Emmett said walking up to Edward.

Edward instantly lifted his hands up, palms facing Emmett. "No way in fucking hell." Edward said shaking his head.

"Stop being a pussy and get your fucking ass up here." Emmett said trying to grab Edward's hand to pull him up. "Since when do you hate doing this dance?" Emmett asked raising his eyebrows at him.

"Since I was fucking ten, now fuck off. I'm not dancing end of story." Edward argued glaring at Emmett.

"Puuuusssyyyy!" Emmett sang as he returned to stand beside Jasper.

Alice ran up to the stereo and started the song again. I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped me when they both began dancing, so in sync with each other it was scary. Emmett was doing all the facial expressions to go along with it while Jasper was trying hard not to laugh throughout the whole thing.

They got right into it, doing all the right moves perfectly. I had seen Jasper do the thriller dance before with Jake but I have to admit Emmett was great at it. Edward got up and walked over to the fridge and pulled out a couple of beers while Emmett and Jazz continued to dance and placed them on the table.

Rosalie grabbed one as Edward popped the lid off one and took a long swig and then settled himself back on the couch beside me.

The song finished and we applauded them except for Edward who was just trying not to laugh.

"Fucking shit, Jasper don't let Em rub off on you. We need some sort of normalcy among us." Edward snickered.

"Fuck you!" Emmett laughed ripping his glove off and throwing it at Edward.

"I want to pick a song!" Alice called out as she jumped up from her seat, gave a quick kiss to Jazz and began shuffling through the songs. She stopped when it landed on 'Disturbia' by 'Rhianna'.

Emmett grabbed a beer as did Jasper and then they both followed Edward outside for a smoke.

I went over to Rosalie and sat down beside her.

"He really is something isn't he?" I laughed.

"Bella, I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard." She said trying to stifle more laughter. Alice came over and plopped herself beside me on my other side so that I was sitting between Rose and Alice.

I pulled my cell out of my pocket to check the time but found that the battery was dead.

"Hey, what time is it?" I asked turning to Rosalie.

"Let me check." She pulled her cell out of her back pocket and took a look.

"It's 11.30."

"Shit!" I yelled, "I'm so dead. I should've been home half an hour ago. I have to go." I said turning to Rosalie hugging her tight. "Bye,"

I turned in my seat and gave Alice a hug too.

"Are you ok to go home on your own?" Alice asked.

"Geez guys, why does everyone always baby me all the time?" I said rolling my eyes as I stood up.

"Because we love our little bitch, remember?" Rosalie laughed walking me to the door.

"Can you tell the guys what happened and that I'm sorry?" I asked opening the door.

"Sure, you just go. Hey, SMS me when you get home so I know you're ok and tell me what happened." Alice said.

"Ok, bye."

I hurried to truck, climbed in and let it roar to life. I pulled out and tried not to speed home. I knew Renee wouldn't probably say too much but I'm sure Phil wouldn't agree.

By the time I got home it was 11.50, almost an hour later than my curfew. I turned off the ignition and hurried to the door. All the lights were off so I knew they were sleeping. Although considering the noise of my truck I was sure it would have possibly woken them up.

I quietly opened the door and shut it behind me as softly as I could. I walked in heading for the stairs just praying I could get to my room before either of them woke up. As I made it to the last step, their bedroom door opened up and Renee stepped out in her robe. It looked like she had been asleep.

I froze and looked over at her waiting for my ultimatum.

"Did you just get home?" Renee asked sleepily running her hands through her messy hair.

"Um…yeah, sorry."

"You're lucky I was asleep otherwise I would have been sick with worry. Make sure it never happens again Bella." Renee said calmly surprising me. But I guess it was just because she was too tired to say anything more. Nothing could usually come in the way of Renee and her sleep.

"Sorry again. It won't." I smiled briefly, just relieved I escaped a scolding. I walked past her and into my room, shutting the door behind me.

I changed into my pajamas and got into bed, snuggling under the covers. I sent a quick SMS to Alice telling her I got home safely and managed to escape a lecture. I relaxed into my bed and sorted through my thoughts. I wasn't sure what to make of tonight. Edward had been practically avoiding me all day and I didn't even know why. Then tonight after still ignoring me some more and seeming uncomfortable around me at first, he ended up letting go again. He really was confusing the hell out of me. I have no idea what to make of our relationship, or lack there of. Was he a friend? Was he just my biology partner? I felt like over the past week we had made good progress. The assignment forced us to work together and it broke down walls. I want to be his friend and I will be more that happy if that's all I'll ever get with him.

I know there are reasons why he acts the way he does. I know it might have something to do with the picture in his room. Not to mention his guitar as well, as he had avoided my question twice and seemed really uncomfortable when I brought it up. He doesn't open up to people easily and his relationship with his dad from what I gathered the other day appears to be strained. Why do I care about all of this? I don't know. The only thing I really know now is that I want us to be closer…as close as he will allow me to be.

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**I wonder what was going on with Edward? We will see his thoughts in the next chapter from his POV.**

**Send me some love and REVIEW please!!  
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	7. Self Help

**A/N - Back so soon i hear you ask? : D Back with Chapter 7. But i have to thank all of my readers and those that review!!! There are so many people that have put this on their story alerts...thank you so much...it really does push me to post these out quicker!! You all seem to be loving where this story is going and that makes me happy to no end.**

**Just a warning this is a long ass chapter, but i'm sure most of you wouldn't find that a problem! We get into Edward's twisted head in this one and find out exactly why he was so stand offish with Bella in the last chapter... we some progress too...lots happening.**

**Virtual family, i love you all to bits mwa!!!**

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight...

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**EPOV**

I slammed the door behind me and walked over to my bed, slumping myself down onto it and lying down on my back. I was tired, confused and pissed all at the same time. Not to mention the fucking throbbing headache I have from all the mother fucking drinking I did last night. I sighed and ran both hands through my hair, tugging it at the ends. What the fuck is happening to me? I feel all over the fucking place. The confusion I'm feeling because of my feelings for Bella is driving me fucking nuts. I really care for her . . . a lot more than I would like to admit. And I'm finding it harder and harder to ignore these feelings for her. They're becoming more intense with each waking moment I spend with her. My heart reacts just to her mere presence. I feel fucking tingles when she touches me. And I can't stop looking at her because I have never seen anyone so fucking flawless in beauty before. Fuck, I'm really sounding like an emotional pussy suddenly. Could my lack of pussy lately be turning me into one?

I shook my head and sat myself up, huffing in frustration. My eyes found the top of drawer of my desk but I fought back the need for it. I was still feeling fucked up from the ridiculous amount of Stoli I consumed last night and so I wasn't about to add to it. In an attempt to steer my emotional stress management into other means, I got up and walked to my door, opening it and heading toward the stairs. I heard the faint sound of the TV in Emmett's room as I past and figured he was probably trying to sleep, that's how he usually fell asleep, watching TV. I descended the stairs into the kitchen where I grabbed myself a bottle of water from the fridge, the light glowing from the fridge lighting up the dark house. I shut the fridge, everything snapping back to darkness and unscrewed the cap off the bottle and took a drink as I made my way outside to the yard, sitting my bottle down on the glass outdoor table. I pulled my pack out of the back of my jeans and pulled out a cigarette, placing it between my lips. I lit it and took a drag, letting the heavenly nicotine do its magic.

My day had been going like shit. From the moment I forced my tired ass out of bed with a throbbing hang over and headed to school, I wasn't in the best mood. My classes were a complete blur. In fact, I don't even remember sitting in class let alone what we learnt or did. So the one thing that I was looking forward to was lunch with Bella where we would be working on our assignment. It had nothing to do with the fucking assignment obviously, but everything to do with Bella. Because I found that I fucking enjoy our times together, I find them relaxing and I act myself which I find I can't do with just anyone. So that was one thing keeping me from skipping the rest of the day. Well that and the fact that if I got caught or Carlisle found out, I'd be done for and after yesterday and my little snap at Carlisle I wasn't planning on pissing him off anytime soon, well not intentionally anyway. Because we all know Edward fucking Cullen is a natural ass and dick head so most of the time I act like a dick without even realizing it.

So, when she came up to me in the cafeteria at the beginning of lunch and told me that because our progress on the assignment was going well, we wouldn't be working on it, I was fucking gutted. I endured a long ass day at school for what? I tried to fight back the anger I felt rising inside of me and seem nonchalant about it because I could've acted like a dick and demand that we _do_ work on it. It was taking a lot in me to fight back my anger because I was already pissed as fuck and this was just the fucking icing on the cake. I almost snapped at her for being irresponsible for not wanting to work on it. But I knew that had nothing to do with it and all to do with the fact that I just missed out on that one on one time with Bella. So we made our way over to our friends who were all already seated and eating lunch. She sat beside the fuck wit while I sat between Jasper and Emmett. And I was fucking shooting daggers at the fuck wit who had his arms around her shoulders like he fucking owned her. And that pissed me off. I didn't even know if they were dating. They fucking acted like it so it was a possibility, a possibility that was only fueling my anger.

I was actually jealous. _Jealous_. I have never in my entire 17 years been fucking jealous over anyone. But there I sat, jealous that Jacob had his arms around her. I had agreed to be her friend, well agreed with myself but I had just realized that that was not going to work with me. But I had to make it work because I'm not good enough for her. This girl is like no other girl I have ever met. She is gentle… you can see it in her big doe brown eyes. The way she speaks so softly all the time, the blush that flames her cheeks when she gets embarrassed and the way she bites her bottom lip when she gets nervous. I loved every single one of those things about her and I knew that was reaching dangerous territory.

So what did I decide to do? I decided to distance myself from her. Give myself some breathing space hoping this was all just a misunderstanding. I've never felt anything this remotely close to any girl before and it scared the shit out of me.

I walked into biology prepared to act like a prick toward her but then she greeted me with a chirpy "Hi!" sounding really excited to see me. Her voice, the way her face lit up and the way she looked at me. And that hit me clearly; she was starting to like me more than I wanted her to and it was just going to make things harder for me. I didn't want her to like me more than just a friend. I didn't want to break her heart because to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to deal with relationships, I've never been in one. I don't know how to date or how to treat girls the way they should be treated. I was a fucking player and always have been and I don't know anything beyond that. The only fucking way I know how to treat girls is by fucking them, by playing with them, deceiving them to get what I want out of them. And I would rather be murdered ten painful deaths than treat Bella like that. She was _so _much more than that . . . to me.

So I ignored her. I acted like myself which is an arrogant prick. I know how to play that part well. But it was actually hurting me on the inside to act that way toward her. She asked me what my problem was in biology when I continued to ignore her and I acted like I had no fucking idea what the fuck she was going on about. And I watched her face drop and as much as I would hate to admit it, it killed me. But that pain pushed me even more to distance myself from her. I couldn't let my feelings grow any more for her. They've already grown much more than I would have ever wished. I would rather hurt her now before she gets too attached.

What confuses the hell out of me is I don't know what the hell she even sees in me. Girls I've slept with become attracted to me because I put on this persona, the suave, cool and sweet Edward that girls fall on their knees for. But with Bella I have never been anything more than the arrogant prick that I am and I have no idea what she sees in me. She is young and naïve and doesn't really know what she likes. I would never allow her to fall for me as much as I would love for her to at the same time.

I ignored her for the rest of the day hoping I could get her to realize I wasn't worth having a relationship with, even a friendly one. I also wanted to clear my mind from the fucking Bella induced haze that she seems to have permanently locked me into since that first day I noticed her eyes.

I came home and went to straight to bed needing to catch up on lost sleep and needing to somehow get over the throbbing headache I had. I knew she was going to be over with her friends to watch movies at our place and I hated Emmett for doing that, because that was just going to make it harder for me. He was forcing me to be in the same room with her again.

I spent the whole afternoon in my room, in and out of sleep. Partly because I my over worked brain was not switching off long enough to allow me enough sleep. The sound of her truck's roar woke me up when she arrived and the part of me that wanted to be friends with her became excited at the thought that she was here. I stumbled my way out of bed and to my bedroom window, taking a peek outside to just to get a glimpse of her. I watched her get out of the truck, lock it up and walk up to the front door. I couldn't see her clearly because it was too dark but I knew she would look sexy as hell…she always did.

Once she was out of sight, I headed back to my bed but couldn't for the life of me, switch off to go back to sleep, because I was dying to go back downstairs to see her and smell her and just fucking be near her and gawk at her shamelessly. So, I figured the only way to fight down that part of me that was dying to head downstairs was to sleep, so I did. But it was almost useless since I was tossing and turning, Bella occupying my every thought, possessing my brain relentlessly. I woke up a few hours later and gave up on sleeping. I was fucking starving too considering I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. I was also going crazy just sitting in between four fucking walls. So I took a deep breath and went downstairs.

As I walked down the stairs I heard the murmurs of the TV. That was the only sound flowing through the house. I made it into the kitchen and all the lights were off but there was enough light from the TV in the lounge to make my way around the kitchen and grab a glass of water. As I was drinking, my eyes caught Bella and found she was staring at me and my heart did some sort of weird flip or some shit in thrill. I really needed to get a fucking grip over myself. I hesitantly made my way into the lounge, repeatedly telling myself not to lose it and act all nice to her because I could just see she how much she liked me.

I croaked out a "Hey" to everyone and Jasper was the only polite one that responded with a cheerful "Hey, Edward." She ignored me and the part of me that liked her was disappointed and the part that told me I couldn't like her and was fighting these weird feelings in me, were jumping around happily…it may just be working. I internally debated with myself whether I should join them or not but the thought of heading back into the confines of my room was enough to allow me to put aside my shit and just join them. So, I grabbed myself a slice of cold pizza but I was too fucking hungry to care.

I had to sit beside her as much as I didn't want to. There was no way in hell I was going to sit next to Rosalie who was snuggled up into Emmett. That would have been just too weird. So I sat myself beside Bella, making sure to push myself against my side of the couch so we wouldn't touch. I couldn't allow myself to touch her because every time I do I feel this weird unexplainable current pulsing through us. It is has happened every single time I have touched her. It was fucking weird but felt so good and right all at the same time. I had no fucking idea what it meant, I've never felt anything like it and it kind of freaks the shit of me. Is that kind of shit normal?

I knew if I were to let myself touch her and I feet that current again then I would just wouldn't be able to control myself, and team that with her strawberries and vanilla scent that haunts my senses every time I'm with her, it would be testing my fucking restraint too much. So I sat down and pressed myself up against the arm of the couch on my side…I just hope I didn't look weird doing that shit.

To be honest I wasn't focusing on the movie. I was checking her out from my peripheral, I couldn't really see all that much but enough to satisfy that part of me that wanted her. Her strawberries and vanilla scent was killing me and killing the part of me that was trying to dislike her and ignore her. I clutched a damn cushion and placed it over my lap so I could refrain from reaching out and touching her. Yes, I wanted to fucking touch her. I wanted to lay her back down on that couch and kiss the fucking shit out of her. To hear her moan underneath me and tell me how much she wanted me. But that was not how things should go. That was just how I wantedthings to go.

_And I hated it . . . big time._

I became fidgety. Brushing through my hair repeatedly, rubbing the back of my neck and scratching my eyebrow, any fucking thing to stop me from reaching out and running my fingers through that long thick strawberry scented hair of hers. Because I wanted nothing more than to do that, to feel the softness and silkiness of her hair that I knew it would be.

The movie finally ended and I couldn't have been happier. I was fucking dying. Emmett switched the lights on and I fucking groaned from the sudden light. Fucking prick, at least start by switching one on and giving our eyes a fucking few minutes to adjust. I stood up and was glad I could just stretch from sitting all tensed up on that couch for almost an hour. I stretched my hands high above my head and I swear I heard Bella gasp. I dropped my hands and turned to look at her questioningly to see what that was about and but she smiled awkwardly and blushed a bright red as she looked down into her lap.

_There was that fucking smile and blush . . . I was fucking slipping . . . _

She looked back up at me and caught me fucking staring at her. For the life of me I couldn't draw my focus away from those sweet chocolate eyes of hers. She just stared back and honestly, I let go, I let myself get lost into those deep eyes and just enjoy it. That was before Emmett interrupted whatever it was we had going on, to go grab some ice cream.

I shook my head to clear it from its Bella induced haze and forced my way to the kitchen.

"Glad you finally came down." Emmett said as I was grabbing the spoons and bowls.

"Yeah," I said not really interested in talking.

We walked back into the lounge and laid everything down on the coffee table.

"Scoop us some Eddie." Emmett fucking ordered me as he walked off to the stereo. _Prick. _I glared at him, well his back more like it and mumbled "I'm not your fucking slave you big fucking goof of a bear" under my breath. I huffed in fucking annoyance and grabbed the ice cream scooper to begin serving the ice cream.

What was fucking embarrassing was that I couldn't seem to get the ice cream out, it was too hard. Noticing my obvious struggle, Bella spoke.

"Maybe you should get some hot water in a bowl to dip the scooper in."

I looked up into her warm brown eyes, surprised that she had spoken to me considering I had been avoiding her all fucking day. It seemed my effort to piss her off all day wasn't enough to deter her. She could've easily ignored me. She could have just sat back and internally laughed at me and my struggle to scoop something as fucking simple as ice cream out of a tub. But no, this was Bella, and Bella put aside the fact that I had been an ass to her all day and decided to offer me some help.

_Why am I stopping myself from liking her again?_

"Ok." I replied simply.

I did as she suggested and grabbed a bowl with some hot water in it and carried it back to the coffee table. I dipped in the scooper and then tried dipping it into the ice cream . . . _yes . . . _it worked, slipping right in.

I looked up at her and gave her a small smile and murmured a "Thank you." Actually if it were up to me, I would have stood up, grabbed her face on either side within my hands and brought my lips to hers, thanking her with a heart stopping and tender kiss. A kiss that she would never in her entire life forget.

_But that was not the reality unfortunately . . . only a fucking dream_ . . . _that would forever remain a dream in my little twisted head . . . _

As I took focus _again, _Michael Jackson boomed out from the speakers and I groaned. I knew what was coming from Emmett and let's just say I was embarrassed on his behalf. Such a fucking clown…I have a clown of a brother. I love him to death because only he knows how to make me laugh, but a clown….hey…there you go, a clown makes people laugh so that fits him perfectly . . . ok now I'm just fucking blabbering.

Everyone grabbed a bowl except for Emmett who treated us to his Billy Jean act after he had grabbed his white glove and fedora hat . . . yes . . . Emmett had an obsession with MJ when he was younger, well we both did but mine kind of died off . . . Emmett for that matter . . . not so much.

As he began his routine, Bella let out a laugh, a beautiful soft laugh . . . _obsessed much Cullen_?

I looked over at her and shook my head, "He is such a fucking dim wit that some times I wonder if I was adopted." I said biting the inside of my cheek to stop the laugh that was threatening to escape. Like I said, Emmett really knows how to make me fucking laugh.

Emmett did his whole routine to the song, entertaining everyone as we all watched and laughed. The person who just couldn't control themselves and was practically on the floor laughing his fucking ass off was my good friend Jasper. _Oh Jasper_, I thought, _you ain't seen nothing yet._

Emmett being Emmett, finished off his routine by throwing his hat at Rosalie and bowed down proudly to everyone. But that was after he did the infamous "OW!" causing everyone to lose complete control and just laugh, including me.

"Now that's how you fucking dance bitches!" he exclaimed.

_What a character._

Emmett switched the song to thriller and Alice began encouraging Jasper to get up and do the 'thriller' dance. Emmett saw this as his opening and forced Jasper up, although Jasper didn't even show any sort of resistance.

Emmett came over to me trying to get me to get up but I refused. There was no way in fucking hell I was doing that dance in front of Bella. I hadn't done the dance since I was ten anyways. I'm not really into that shit. I just like to sit back and watch others humiliate themselves.

After a little argument Emmett realized it was a lost cause and called me a fucking _pussy_, he was going to fucking pay for that later_. _He went to stand beside Jasper to start their dance while Alice started the song again and they both got right into it.

Half way through it I couldn't take it any more and I got up and grabbed a few beers and placed them on the coffee table for whoever felt like one. I technically was still getting over my hangover but decided beer was light enough. I opened one myself and took a nice long swig, enjoying the cold liquid travelling through my system . . . absolute heaven.

The song finished and the girls applauded as I just sat back and tried not to laugh.

"Fucking shit, Jasper don't let Em rub off on you. We need some sort of normalcy among us." I joked.

"Fuck you!" Emmett snapped ripping his glove off and throwing it at me. I just ignored him, grabbed the glove and chucked it beside me, between Bella and me.

I was dying for a smoke, so I got up and went outside, Em and Jazz following me with a beer in each of their hands.

"That was fucking hilarious." Jasper laughed.

"Eddie and I used to do the routine for our parents when we were younger."

"Fuck you, don't call me that."

"What? Eddie?" Emmett smirked.

"Suck shit." I glared at him, Jasper just laughed at us.

"So, what do you guys want to do tomorrow night?" Jasper asked taking a drink of his beer.

"I'm up for anything. What is there to do in this fucking town anyway?" I asked, lighting a cigarette. I offered one to Jazz and he took it and I held the lighter for him to light it.

He took a drag, before he answered, "Depends, I mean Port Angeles is where you can find things to do."

"Call us tomorrow and we'll be there." Emmett replied.

We continued to talk outside as we smoked and drank. I took a glance inside and couldn't find Bella anywhere. Did she leave? Without saying good bye?

I flicked my butt onto the grass as I blew out my smoke and headed inside.

"Where's Bella?" I asked the girls before I could think too much about what I was asking.

"She went home." Alice answered looking at me closely. I tried to relax my face in order to hide my disappointment and set my empty beer bottle down on the table.

"She was late for her curfew and had to rush home." Alice added.

"Hmmm." I said nodding my head. I noticed Rosalie eyeing me closely. I knew she didn't like me very much and if it wasn't for Emmett I wouldn't bother with her.

"She told us to tell you she apologizes and she had to do it other wise her parents would freak."

"Ok." I nodded trying to seem not so interested.

"We should get going too. I'm lucky Jazz is with me otherwise I would have had to be home an hour ago." Rosalie said rolling her eyes.

I sat myself on the couch, awkwardly with the two girls. Rosalie was attractive, I'd give her that much, they both were to be quite honest, pretty faces, great bodies. But there was something different about Bella. She wasn't like your average girl and that's what I liked about her. Her beauty was flawless, natural and not like anything I had ever seen.

The boys finally walked back in and soon after Jasper, Alice and Rosalie left. Emmett and I cleaned up the mess that was left. I left the rinsing of the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher for Emmett to do. There was no way I was doing that shit. I wiped down the coffee table and fixed up the cushions and decided that was enough fucking work for me.

So, this is where it leaves me now, sitting outside in the yard, smoking my confusion and stresses away. I took one last drag of my cigarette and flicked out onto the grass and made my way upstairs. Went straight for the bathroom where I stripped out of my clothes and took a shower. Once I was satisfied I was clean enough I stepped out, wrapped a towel around my waist and walked into my room. I dropped my towel and fished out my black boxers, slipping them on and heading toward my bed. I climbed into bed, rubbing the heels of my palms into my eyes. I was screwed. I liked this girl and I hated it. I've liked girls before but not in this way. I've liked girls physically. I've liked their bodies, their hair, their lips but never their personalities. I've never felt drawn in by anybody except Bella. Her strawberries and vanilla scent haunts my senses. Wakes me up, makes me feels things I have never felt. Is it possible to feel this for someone you have known for just under two weeks?

I forced her out of my head because to be quite honest, I was pitching a fucking tent in my boxers from just the mere thought of her. I tried not to but I couldn't. Whatever I forced myself to think of, her chocolate colored eyes would miraculously pop themselves back into my head.

Before I knew what I was doing, my hand was trailing down my chest and underneath my boxers on its own accord. I was already hard as a fucking rock, I could probably crack a wall with it and the fact since I haven't had me some pussy in what seems like years, it was almost painfully hard. I released myself from the restraints of my boxers and grasped my length firmly and began stroking myself, succumbing to the images of Bella that have been haunting me for the last few days now.

I could smell her strawberries and vanilla as if she was right next to me. I could taste it on the tip of my tongue, so fucking sweet. Her hair cascading in the most beautiful thick mahogany waves down her bare back as she sat on top of me and stared down into my eyes with her warm brown ones. She was a fucking goddess. An angel. I could just feel her soft pink lips against mine, the way they would mould together perfectly.

I groaned out loud as I grasped my length tighter and picked up the speed of my strokes, I rubbed my palm over the tip of the cock where I had some pre-cum beaded there and used it as a lubricant, spreading it over the head and down my length, it wasn't enough but enough to do the job. I could feel her tongue roaming my mouth, her fingers trailing along my chest, tenderly but occasionally using her nails to add to the bit of pleasure. My cock was as hard as a fucking wall as I could feel myself coming close to the release that I was aching for.

I picked up the pace, tightening my grip around my cock and circling my palm over the head and then back down. My strokes became almost violent, my cock throbbing painfully as I pumped the fuck out of it. My breathing became labored, and my eyes were shut tight as I concentrated. I began grunting as I felt my impending release. My hand was getting tired since it's been a while since I've had to do this shit this often and this hard. A few more strokes and I came, hard, milking myself dry, my cum shooting out everywhere as I gasped for air trying to come down from my Bella induced orgasm. I let myself relax into the mattress, trying to regain control of my breathing and calm down. Once my breathing was back to normal, I sat up and groaned, realizing I got fucking cum everywhere, all over my torso and boxers. Luckily nothing was on my sheets.

"Fuck," I muttered. I should have considered this more.

I forced myself up to clean up the mess I had made. After a quick shower and change of clothes I was back in my bed, falling into a peaceful slumber, Bella occupying my every dream.

I woke up to a knock on my door the next morning and grunted at the interruption. It was fucking Saturday morning for fucks sake. I forced an eye open and saw Emmett popping his head inside.

"Fuck off." I groaned as I grabbed the sheets and pulled them over my face.

"Get up, I want to go work out."

"Fuck off." I groaned again. Who the fuck works out on a Saturday morning?

"Come on bro. We'll go grab some breakfast afterwards." He said trying hard to persuade me.

"Fuck off."

"Your vocabulary seems to have diminished over night…"

"Fuck off." I said again, anger lacing my voice suddenly. That didn't deter the - fucking chirpy, gym junkie, early on a Saturday morning bear- that was sitting beside me in my bed now.

"Just get the fuck up." He said grabbing the sheets and trying to pull them off my face.

"Why don't _you_ just shut the fuck up and get fuck out of my room!" I snapped, sitting up in bed and shoving him hard against the chest.

"You fucking bitch." He lunged at me, putting me into a head lock. I cursed at him as I tried to push him off by kicking him but my legs were caught within my sheets. I was still half asleep so I didn't have much strength in me.

"Edward. Emmett." Carlisle's voice rang out from behind us.

Emmett huffed and climbed off of me as I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. There was nothing I hated more than being woken up on a Saturday. I sat myself up in bed, trying to untangle myself from the sheets.

"What is going on?" Carlisle asked looking at me.

"Why the fuck are you looking at me?" I asked in disbelief, my voiced laced with anger. Always fucking putting the blame on me.

"Edward, watch your language."

"Whatever, can you both just get the fuck out of my room, it's Saturday morning!" I groaned throwing myself back onto the mattress.

Emmett snickered while Carlisle huffed in annoyance, realizing I wasn't going to listen to him.

"Meet you down stairs bitch. Ten mintues." Emmett yelled over his shoulder as he exited the room.

About fucking time . . . a shame I had another problem standing a few feet away, looking unimpressed at me. What's new?

"What?" I asked glaring at him, challenging him to start up something with me after being woken up like this.

"What are your plans for today?" He asked calmly. His face didn't match the tone of his voice.

"What's it to you?" I asked sitting myself up in bed.

"Edward," Carlisle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Can't I just wake up to some fucking peace and quiet without having my brother lunge at me and my fucking father lecture me in the morning?"

He continued to stare at me, completely unimpressed but what was he going to do? Like seriously? He huffed and walked out of my room without another word.

_Suck shit Doc_.

I sighed annoyingly and forced my angry and tired ass out of bed.

I walked out of my room and into the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I slipped on my jeans, a white Mossimo t-shirt and my black Nikes. I brushed my fingers through my hair a few times and headed downstairs. Emmett was sitting on the breakfast bar in his track pants and t-shirt.

"Why aren't you dressed for the gym?" He asked in irritation.

"Simple because I'm not going." I said as I walked over to the fridge to grab the jug of OJ.

"Yes you are."

"Says who?" I asked.

"Says me. Get your little fucking ass upstairs and into your track pants."

"Why are you so strung on me going to the gym with you?" I asked as I poured myself a glass of orange juice.

"Because I hate going on my own."

"Ask someone else."

He glared at me, realizing I wasn't going to let up. He shook his head and poured some milk into his cereal bowl.

Carlisle walked into the kitchen and I internally cringed. I grabbed my glass and walked out to sit in the backyard in an attempt to avoid him. I lit up a cigarette and was joined by Emmett a minute later with his bowl of cereal within his hands. He took the seat beside me and began eating.

"You really should quit that shit." He said as he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"You smoke too fuck wit."

"Yeah but not as much as you and not as soon as I fucking wake up, that is just gross." He said wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Yeah, so shoot me."

"What's your fucking problem today?" He asked dropping his spoon into his bowl and turning to glare at me.

I turned and glared at him, blowing smoke straight into face. He aggressively punched me in the arm.

"Fucking shit! That fucking hurt you douche." I said rubbing my arm.

"Don't fucking blow smoke in my face."

"Then stop being an annoying prick. You're my fucking problem. I got woken up by my big bear of a brother who whined for me to go to the gym with him, on a Saturday fucking morning. Then he lunges at me to tackle me, before my fucking father walks in and immediately puts the blame on me. So _excuse me_ for having a head ache and not being in the mood for anyone's shit." I rambled, taking in a long fucking drag, hoping it would relax my tense body.

"Whatever." Emmett mumbled before shoving his last spoon of cereal into his mouth.

He got up and went inside walking back out five minutes with four toasts stacked on top of each other on a plate, each one smothered in peanut butter. He resumed his seat and began eating his toasts like he hadn't eaten in days.

"You still going to the gym?" I asked eyeing out his breakfast. He usually never ate that much before the gym.

"Nah, might just see what Rosalie is up to, or Paul, whoever is free."

Fifteen minutes later we headed back inside and I called Jasper to see what he was up to. I ended up meeting him later on at his place. I waited by my car outside after I had called him on his cell to let him know I had arrived.

He walked out a while later with Rosalie in tow.

"Hey." I greeted pushing myself off of my car.

"Hey," He gave me a half man hug. Yeah, guys really did that shit.

"Hi," I nodded my head toward Rosalie.

"I've been trying to call Emmett but it's not connecting. Do you know where he is?" She asked. It didn't pass me she didn't say hi. And her tone was dry. Lucky for her Jasper was right next to her otherwise I wouldn't have let that shit pass.

"He is at home but the dick never seems to recharge his phone. If you want you can just drop by I'm sure he won't mind. He said he wanted to see what you were up to anyway." I answered trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.

"Ok. I'll just try later." She said before she walked back into the house.

"Where to?" Jazz asked as he circled my car, running his hands over the bonnet. "Looking for a new car."

"Yeah? Any kind in particular?"

"Nuh." He came back over to the passenger side and climbed in.

I got in behind the steering wheel, started the car and pulled out.

**BPOV**

I spent Saturday at home, all day. I slept in which wasn't something I did often but I did it and it felt good. I had some breakfast and then decided to get working on my homework. I did the homework I had been given for the weekend. I worked a little on my English essay which was almost done and then even did a little on our biology assignment.

By the time I was finished it was about two. I headed over to Jake's place just for something to do. I hung out in his garage, watching him work on his beloved rabbit, he was right, it was coming out nicely. I made him promise to let me be the first one for a ride. It was funny how quickly he agreed to that.

We ended up going out for lunch or more like an early dinner at the local diner. It didn't pass me that he never mentioned Edward. I was glad he hadn't. I really was sick of his negative opinions about him and I wasn't sure for how much longer I would be able to hide my true emotions for him each time I defended him.

I got home that night just after 5. Phil and Renee were snuggled on the couch. I internally groaned. I was looking forward to spending the night by myself, they usually went out Saturday nights.

"Hey, baby." Renee smiled at me when I walked through the door.

"Hey mum, Phil."

"How was your day?" Renee asked patting the seat beside her for me to sit down.

I went and sat down beside her, "It was good. I was just out with Jake." I explained.

"Phil and I are just going to get some pizza in a little bit and watch a movie. Why don't you join us?"

"I might crash early tonight actually, if you don't mind." I wasn't tired but I wasn't interested in spending the night among Phil.

"That's fine baby. At least come down and have some pizza before bed."

"I'll see."

I got up and grabbed some water from the kitchen before heading up to my room. I wasn't tired since I had slept in pretty late. I had no homework to do and so I was bored. I looked around my room, trying to find something that would entertain me for the next couple of hours.

I decided to call Alice.

"Bella!"

"Hey, Alice. What are you up to?" I asked hopeful.

"Not sure, just finished having dinner. You want to go out?"

"Yeah, I'm just really bored."

"Why don't you come past? I'll call Rosalie and see what she is up to. My mum has gone out so I'm just home alone. I have no idea where Jazz is. I'm assuming he is with Edward though."

"Ok, I'll be there soon. Thanks"

"No probs. Bye."

I hung up and changed my clothes, slipping on my black skinny jeans and brown sweater. I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and headed back down stairs.

"I'm just going to head over to Alice's." I explained standing by the wall in the living room.

"Not sleeping early anymore?" Phil asked me. I shook my head no.

"Ok, well go have fun. Curfew." Renee added raising her eyebrows at me as if in warning.

"Sure." I waved goodbye and headed for my truck.

By the time I got to Alice's place, Rosalie was already there. They were both in the lounge flipping through fashion magazines. I flopped myself down on one of the couches and relaxed into it.

"I spent earlier today with Emmett." Rosalie grinned.

"Yeah? What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, we went to Port Angeles where we took a stroll through the stores and I even helped him pick out some new shoes. We had lunch and then he dropped me off home. It wasn't anything major but I had a really good time."

"You guys are really cute together." Alice pitched in.

"I know." Rosalie smiled like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

We hung out the rest of the night, flicking through TV channels and looking through magazines. Well Alice and Rosalie flipped through magazines, I just avoided them. That was not something I was really into, I found it depressing. Alice laid out some snacks for us and we just gossiped. Not about anyone really, just good old fashioned girl on girl time. I had a blast.

I got home at 10.30 and found Renee and Phil still watching a movie on the couch. Empty beer bottles and a pizza box on the table.

I waved at them as I walked past since they seemed too enthralled in the movie. I went upstairs, had a shower and went to bed.

The next day was just as relaxing. I woke up late, not really a habit I would like myself to get into but it felt good from time to time. I had a light breakfast, cleaned up my room and decided to bake a black forest cake just for something to do.

Phil and Renee were out for the day with some friends so I took my time in the kitchen, listening to my iPod as I worked and flitted around the kitchen at my own comfort.

Jake dropped by just as I was pulling the cake out of the oven and I swear sometimes I think the guy had a sixth sense. Or he must just have a nose like a dog. He always showed up when I was baking something.

He had half the cake, I didn't care, there was nothing more I enjoyed than watching someone enjoy the food I made for them.

We hung out in front of the TV before he left just before one to meet up with Paul and Seth. I grabbed my purse and decided to go and do some grocery shopping since the fridge was running dry.

I was back home by two and packed everything away. Rosalie dropped past unexpectedly complaining Jasper was playing his music really loud in the house it was driving her nuts.

After lounging around the house for a bit we agreed to go out for lunch. We got to Port Angeles in her Porsche and went to one of our favorite places for lunch, the café garden. We found a seat and ordered some coke.

Her phone rang just as our drinks arrived.

"It's Emmett." She smiled just before she pressed send.

"Hey," she answered, "Hmm… Port Angeles with Bella… yep… ok… about ten minutes ago… we'll be here… at the cafe garden… ok bye." She hung up and I raised an eyebrow at her. It sounded like Emmett was headed over to here to join us.

"Emmett's coming?" I asked.

"Yeah, he and Edward were just getting in the car wondering where to go. He called to see if we could meet up tonight but when I told him we were here he decided they would join us."

_Edward's coming . . . Edward's coming . . . _

I wasn't sure whether to feel nervous, happy or scared. There was nothing more I wanted than to see Edward again but to be honest his mood swings were driving me crazy. Was he going to act nice today or ignore me like he had done on Friday?

We delayed ordering our food till Emmett and Edward joined us. Ten minutes later, I saw Emmett and Edward strolling into the café. Edward was wearing some black jeans, a grey t-shirt and black jacket. But what he had on his head made me almost squeal in delight . . . weird I know but he was wearing a black beanie on his head. The beanie looked so good on him and it accentuated his emerald bedroom eyes even more.

_Since when did they become bedroom eyes?_

_Since I began noticing these things . . ._

_Mmm . . . Bedroom eyes_

I had to snap myself out of my ogling as they reached our table. Edward had both hands in the pockets of his jacket. Emmett leaned in and gave Rosalie a kiss on the lips before enveloping me in a hug. Edward inclined his head toward Rosalie with a quiet "Hey," before turning to me and giving me a little smile. I was beaming on the inside . . . it was more than I expected.

Emmett sat beside Rosalie leaving the seat beside me for Edward. He sat down and cleared his throat as he made himself comfortable.

"I am fucking starving. Where can I get some fucking food in this place?" Emmett said scanning over the menu.

"Watch your language." Rosalie nudged Emmett.

"Sorry, just hungry."

"God forbid he doesn't get fed every two hours, or all hell will break loose." Edward joked but with seriousness. He seemed a little tense.

"Fuck you." Emmett whispered keeping his eyes on the menu.

We all ordered our food and chatted quietly while we waited. Well, Emmett was speaking most of the time. I just threw in my two cents worth when necessary. Most of my attention was on the hot guy sitting beside me, his scent of cologne breezing through my nose each time he moved a little. I kept taking glances at him, just loving the beanie on his head. It took the focus off his hair for once and onto his eyes, not that his eyes didn't stand out before, it's just that, now they stood out even more and I was finding it hard to breathe.

_Yep, just on the border of becoming an obsession._

Just before our food came, Edward headed outside for a smoke while the three of us talked. I realized Edward smoked quite a bit for someone his age. I knew he had issues and realized it was all a way of helping him cope. Not the best way but probably the easiest.

He came back in just as our food arrived. Emmett pretty much swallowed his food down finishing way before everyone else. I was last, but that was nothing new.

"You always eat this slow?" Edward leaned in and spoke softly into my ear.

I felt a shiver run through me as my breath got caught in my throat at his closeness. That is the closet he has ever gotten to me. I felt his hot breath on my neck, the huskiness of his voice when he whispered. I froze for a second trying to regain my composure. He pulled back and looked at me oddly like I had gone mad. I shook my head slightly and turned to him, trying to remember to breathe.

"Yeah I do." It came out a whisper, something I hadn't intended but I guess I hadn't totally regained control of myself just yet.

He nodded and turned back to Emmett. That was the only thing he said directly to me the rest of the time we were there.

Once it was time to leave, Emmett and Rosalie decided to make out by his car. So, I walked over to a shop window to give them some privacy, even though there were people everywhere among us. Edward appeared beside and I jumped.

"Didn't mean to scare you." He said staring into the shop window as well. It was a book store.

"That's ok, I seem to scare easily."

Without saying another word he disappeared inside the store. I stood there for a second before I decided to follow him in. I found him by the new release section, scanning over the books.

"Anything you like?" I asked as I walked up to him.

He didn't jump or even startle at my words. It was as if he knew I was approaching, even though I thought I was being really quiet.

"Not really. I like the classics. But every now and then a good book comes out."

"So you just buy books but you don't read them all. Why do you buy them?" I asked curiously thinking back to 'The Age of Innocence' he had in his collection the other day.

"I like to buy books even though I won't necessarily read them. I think to myself that one day I might want to…or come across someone else who might want to." He said as he walked further into the store. I followed him.

"This seems more like my type of section." He said seriously but there seemed to be a little pain and sadness lacing his voice. I stared over at the little sign hanging over the shelves, 'Self help'.

"I think we can all admit to being in dire need of this section at one point or another." I said shrugging. He turned his head to look at me, as if mulling over my words. "What?" I asked as he kept staring at me.

"Nothing." He shook his head before he continued roaming the store slowly.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" I asked following him again.

"Nope." He said popping the 'p' as he continued walking around.

I veered away from him and back to the new releases. I scanned over them, wanting to find something new to read.

"Don't waste your money, you could always just borrow mine." He said startling me again. I hadn't heard him approach. "You're very jumpy today." He said with a little amusement in his voice.

"You're just too quiet. I'm considering putting a bell on you." I joked as I kept my focus on the titles in front of me.

"Like I said, you're free to borrow any of mine anytime."

I turned to look at him and he had his crooked smile intact. I stared back at him, unable to draw my gaze away from his face, he looked so incredibly beautiful. I never thought it would ever be possible for someone to be so perfect looking. He cleared his throat as I continued to stare at him, snapping me out of my stupor. I blushed furiously.

"Thank you." I replied but it came out a little strained.

I heard him chuckle quietly beside me, "Let's get going. I'm sure they're unlocked by now." He teased referring to Emmett and Rosalie.

"You might be able to give them some tips yourself." I blurted out before I could stop it. He stopped his steps and turned to face me, his crooked smile back in place.

"You making fun of me?" He asked in amusement, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"No, I didn't mean for it to come out… it's just that… um…" I stammered, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for my outburst.

"I'm sure you have tips of your own to give them." He said still smirking at me.

My face flushed ten shades of red at his statement, if only he knew my lips were freaking virgins also. Let's see just how much he would laugh then. I walked out of the store ignoring his comment in hopes I wouldn't have to answer him and he wouldn't notice my awkwardness.

I found Emmett and Rosalie still by Edward's car. He had his arms around her waist, looking down at her and smiling as he listened to her talk. Her arms were around his neck as she spoke to him. They really did make a cute couple.

Edward walked right past me and up to them so I forced my feet to keep moving and follow him.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked as he stood beside Emmett, seeming impatient to leave suddenly.

"Yeah, ah… I was just thinking of taking Rosalie out." Emmett mentioned carefully as he looked over at Edward. "Would you mind taking Bella home?"

Rosalie looked over at me and gave me an apologetic look. I waved her off because deep down I wanted nothing more than to be in the car with Edward, in a small and confined space, just the two of us. I found myself smiling at the thought. I quickly took composure of my face and relaxed looking back over at Emmett and Edward.

"Thanks bro." Emmett said patting Edward on the back as he headed over to Rosalie's car.

"Thanks Bella, I owe you." She said hugging me.

"Don't worry about it, go have fun." I said.

"Love you, bye." She hurried off to her car and climbed in the passenger seat as Emmett got in behind the wheel.

I stood awkwardly looking over at Edward who seemed just as awkward as me.

"Want to get going?" He asked circling his car to the driver's side.

I nodded and walked over to his BM and climbed in. It smelt nice. It smelt new still with a slight hint of cigarettes. It was clean and tidy just like his bedroom was.

"You're going to have to tell me where you live." He said as he put the key in the ignition and turned the key.

"Ok,"

He pulled out and headed back to Forks. It was silence in the car for a while. I wouldn't call it awkward but I wouldn't call it comfortable either. After my little comment in the bookstore we seemed to have taken a step back.

"Who was your first kiss?" He asked hesitantly, keeping his eyes on the road. My head snapped to his direction as he had totally caught me off guard. Was it because of what I said in the bookstore? Was it his way of finding out whether I have been kissed before? He glanced in my direction briefly when I didn't answer. I forced myself to speak, to say something… anything.

I turned my head back to the road, hoping not looking at him would make it easier to answer "I… ah… I haven't been-"

"You don't have to say it, I understand." He cut me off.

I felt my face blush and cursed myself for tying up my hair today, it would have made a useful shield to hide behind right about now. I turned my face and looked out the window, too ashamed to say anything more.

"I find it hard to believe." He said after a few moments. I took in a deep breath, not knowing what to say to that. What does he mean he finds it hard to believe? "Can I ask why?" He asked when I didn't say anything.

Fuck, he really knew how to make me feel like shit didn't he? I bit the inside of my cheek in frustration, what did he want me to say?

"You really think I know why?" I asked, my voice coming out harsher than I had intended.

He went silent for a few moments as I saw his grip on the steering wheel tighten, the skin covering his knuckles turning white with the pressure he was applying.

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way . . . again. I keep fucking up. I don't mean for you to feel like-"

"Can we just drop it?" I asked turning back to the look out the window. I felt like shit. I felt pathetic. A seventeen year old girl who has never been kissed or touched or anything . . . I guess I am too repulsive for anyone to even consider it.

I mentally kicked myself for letting those thoughts get to me again. I have learnt over the years to block them out, to deal with them, it wasn't easy but I did it. I didn't want to fall back into that again. I couldn't allow myself to think like that again. That was a part of my life that I feel ashamed of and a part that is too painful to remember. I shook my head and tried to focus on something else.

Before I knew what he was doing, he pulled off the road, just before the entry to the highway leading back to Forks. He turned the car off and just sat there. His hands gripping the steering wheel still and his eyes focused ahead.

"I'm a fucking idiot and I know it." He said with so much hate in his voice that I felt myself cringe.

"You're not an-"

"Yes I am. I have no fucking idea how to talk to people without making them feel like complete shit. I guess that's one thing I can find that I'm good at."

Before I could reply, he opened his door and got out. Reaching in his jacket pocket, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, pulled one out, placed it between his lips and lit it with a lighter that was in his pocket also. He took a long drag, the sides of his face sucking in with the pressure at which he was inhaling. He pulled the cigarette out holding the smoke in for a while before blowing the smoke out of his nose. He leaned against the front side of his car, staring off ahead of him.

I wasn't sure what to do. He seemed to have so much self hatred in him. I climbed out before I thought too much of it and stood a few feet away from him, staring out off into the distance like he was.

"I know you didn't mean for it to come out the way it did." I said keeping my eyes ahead.

He stood in silence, taking in another drag of his cigarette, his free hand in his jacket pockets. I waited for him to say something, anything but he didn't. He was acting like I wasn't even there. I didn't want us to go back to being out of depth with each other again. Every time I feel like we took a step forward we seem to take two steps back. I didn't want things to be like that between us.

It came to me all of a sudden, a place where we could go where it would just be the two of us. A place where you can relax and be with your thoughts. A place I used to venture to when I was at my lowest point, allowing me to take a step back from everything and think clearly.

"Do you have any plans for the rest of the afternoon?" I asked turning to face him for the first time since I exited the car.

* * *

**Where is Bella taking him? Any questions? Let me know your thoughts, i love hearing all your opinions, some of you make me laugh!**

**Reviews are your friend and mine too!! So show me the love!!  
**


	8. Temper Flares

**A/N - A big thankyou to all my readers and reviewers, you are all so awesome and kind and i'm so glad to hear many of you are loving the story.**

**Things get interesting in this chapter. Edward and Bella do some bonding and Edward cracks...you'll see how. You get a little dose of Lauren in this one and i know alot of you dont like her but she will be gone very very soon!!**

**Love to my virtual family mwa!!**

**I've added a song to this chapter because i think it is very fitting to Edward and Bella in this chapter. I'll try to do more in other chapters if i find appropriate songs!  
**

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

* * *

I know you've suffered,

But I don't want you to hide,

It's cold and loveless,

I won't let you be denied

Soothing,

I'll make you feel pure,

Trust me,

You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,

I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask,

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers,

That you're wicked and divine,

You may be a sinner,

But your innocence is mine

Please me,

Show me how it's done,

Trust me,

You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,

I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask,

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

**Muse, Undisclosed Desires**

**EPOV**

I pulled over and stared out my window in silence, wondering where the hell we were. I took a quick glance back at Bella, "This is where you were talking about?" I asked as I my moved my gaze back to the lush green forest before me.

She nodded in silence before we both climbed out of the car. I took a few steps toward the forest, my eyes scanning the area around me. She brushed past me and began walking in front of me.

"There is a little walk before we reach where I want to show you." She mentioned as she kept walking.

I stood and stared after her. Where was she taking me? _Why_ was she taking me? I had been nothing but fucking rude to her yet she was always trying to be nice back. She baffled me, she really did. She stopped walking and turned to raise her eyebrows at me, wondering why I wasn't following. I nodded my head, running a hand through my hair and then began walking after her. She continued her walk in front of me.

I watched her ass as she walked in front of me, occasionally stumbling over a rock or uneven ground. Her ass was small and tight. I wanted nothing more than to have my hands cup each beautiful mound and give them a light squeeze. I looked away as soon as I felt my dick stirring within my pants, the last thing I needed was a throbbing erection that I couldn't tend to.

About ten minutes into our little hike I began to wonder just how far into the woods this supposed place was.

"Is it much further?" I asked. It was the first time I had spoken since we began walking.

"No, we're almost there." She replied breathlessly. I felt a smile play at my lips. She was struggling with the walk. If only I could lift her up onto my shoulders and walk to help her out. But then again I was enjoying my little view of her from behind.

A minute later, she paused and pushed past a large branch, revealing an open meadow before her. I stood right behind her, looking over her shoulder. For the first time in I have no fucking idea how long, I was rendered speechless. It was beautiful, absolutely stunning. It was quiet, peaceful and serene, leaving you with nothing but your thoughts. I wasn't sure this would be such a good idea. Thinking never helped me much, it only ever depressed me.

I pulled the branch further back for her so she could step into the field. She looked over her shoulder at me and gave me a little smile, like a 'thank you' and fuck did she look beautiful smiling at me, before she stepped into the meadow. I followed her in, letting go of the branch, allowing it to snap back into place. The place was so open, wide and just full of greenery, flowers and plants. I would have never guessed a town as fucked as Forks could contain something so beautiful.

"You come here a lot?" I asked as I walked past her. I found a large fallen branch lying on the ground. I walked up to it and sat down. She followed me pretty much straight away and sat down beside me before she answered.

"I used to. It's been about a year now since I last came here."

She had mentioned that she used to come here to think. I wondered what she had gone through to need a place like this. Back at the book store she had said that every person can admit to needing the _self help_ aisle at least once in their life. I wasn't sure whether she was just being nice or trying to reveal something to me. The thing is I could never imagine her ever needing that aisle. She seemed perfect, someone who has had it perfect their whole fucking life, and someone who doesn't know what fucking suffering is. But then again, I out of all people should know that is far from the fucking truth. No one has had a smooth life, no matter who the fuck you were.

From my peripheral I saw her grab the hem of her sweater and begin pulling it off up over her head, leaving her in a pink t-shirt. Before I could stop myself I turned to look at her, amazed at how fucking sexy she looked doing that. If only she was on top of me doing that, or even better, me being the one doing that to her. I shook my head and looked away. It was hard enough controlling my fucking wood around her without any damn sexual thoughts.

We both sat in silence for a while. I didn't feel the need to talk. After all, she had said this was the perfect place to come and think. And that was one thing I liked about Bella, she never felt the need to fill the silence with meaningless chatter. The longer I sat there the more I noticed that I couldn't hear anything besides the soft chirping of birds in the distance. If only I had found this place when I had first arrived here, it might have helped me settle in to this fucked up place a little better.

"It's peaceful here and extremely beautiful. It really allows you to take a step back from everything and analyze things in a clearer state of mind." She said softly.

I was still curious to why she would come here. She keeps mentioning how good this place is to come here and fucking think about things. I bit the bullet and asked her. It wasn't like I hadn't fucking offended her already.

"Can I ask what brought you here in the first place?" I asked hesitantly.

She turned to look at me. I looked back at her and she seemed solemn suddenly. I could even notice a little pain in her eyes.

"You don't have to tell me anything." I quickly replied. She didn't owe me anything.

"It's just that . . ." She looked away and down at her hands that were in her lap, "I don't like to talk about it. I have sort of learnt over the years to block out certain thoughts and I fear talking about it will only bring them all back." She sounded broken. Her voice sounded weak but not defeated. She was scared of something. I wondered what these thoughts were.

"I understand."

"You like it here?" She asked in a happier tone. I could tell she was just steering the topic of conversation.

"Yeah I do. You should have told me about this place earlier." I smirked turning to look at her.

She smiled back and there it was again, that weird shit in my chest. Whenever she smiled at me I felt it. It was fucking overwhelming.

"What's with you and Jake?" I asked, feeling it was a safe enough topic.

"What do you mean?"

"What is it that you have going on between the two of you. Is he just your friend?" I asked trying to sound casual about it. I picked up a twig from between my feet and began fiddling with it.

"Yeah, we have been best friends since we were like four. He is like a brother to me."

I chuckled at her comment, her brother my fucking ass. She was oblivious to the way that dick looked at her.

"What's funny?" She asked turning to me with furrowed brows.

"It's just that . . . I don't think he sees you as a sibling." I stated with a smirk. Her face relaxed and it dawned on her what I was implying.

"You've noticed it too?" She asked shaking her head to herself and bringing her bottom lip between her teeth to chew on.

"It's hard not to. He looks at you like you're the only thing that exists in his world. Not to mention fucking over protective." I mumbled the last bit.

"I know he can get overprotective over me. All my friends can. I guess they have reason too but I hate it. I hate being treated like a kid all the time." She paused for a few moments. When I thought she was done talking I came to say something but she spoke first, "I started to notice a change in Jacob's behavior just under a year ago. It was subtle things at first. I mean, we have always been pretty affectionate toward each other. You know, hugging, kisses on the cheek and all that. Even when we used to muck around it all seemed innocent enough. And then . . . he seemed to change suddenly. The way he would look at me changed, his hugs seemed different at times . . . I don't know. It kind of confuses things to be honest." She sighed.

"You wouldn't try anything out with him?" I asked trying hard to keep the jealousy from my voice. She shook her head quickly.

"No. It would just complicate things. I don't see him in that way anyway. I don't need to experiment to find that out. And the last thing I would ever do is destroy what we have. He has been like a rock for me. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have battled things easily in my past."

There we go again with her past. I was too curious for my own fucking good. I really wanted to know what it was that she went through. But I out of all people know discussing shit like that is fucking hard.

"Mind if I smoke?"

"Go ahead."

I pulled my pack out and lit a cigarette. I felt like I was destroying this peaceful and serene place around me by smoking but at the moment I really couldn't give a flying fuck. Her strawberries and vanilla scent was breezing my way, making it hard for me to focus on not touching her. I was hoping the smell of the smoke would overpower it.

"You smoke a lot." She mentioned turning to me. It was a statement and not a question.

"You too?" I asked with a shake of my head.

"Excuse me?" She asked looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"Emmett. He has been on my fucking back lately about the amount I smoke. It's nobody's business really, no offense or anything."

"None taken."

"It's just that, I don't smoke for social reasons. It relaxes me. It's a minor help but it helps none the less. Of course the real shit helps better."

"Oh," she said as it hit her what I was talking about. It was quiet for a few moments before she spoke again. "How old were you when you started . . . _experimenting_?" She asked hesitantly looking at me.

I took a drag and blew it out as I contemplated where this conversation could be headed. I answered anyway. I could always just stop.

"I started with weed over two years ago. I've done other shit, shit that you would probably look at me differently for. I got into the hardcore shit just under two years ago."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You really want to know?" I asked as I flicked my butt on the floor.

Without saying a word, she got up and walked over to where my cigarette butt landed. She picked it up and then put it out on the branch we were sitting on. She pulled a tissue out of her jean pockets and put it in there, scrunched it up and held it in her hand. I watched with raised eyebrows.

"This place is too beautiful to destroy." She said answering my questioning gaze.

"Fair enough."

"And yes I really want to know." She said taking the seat beside me again.

"Ok," I took a deep breath unsure I really wanted to tell her.

"Its ok, I won't judge you." She said noticing my hesitance and uncertainty.

"I'm not so sure about that. Everyone judges Bella, it's a part of our fucking nature." I said raking my fingers through my hair.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt her small hand on my leg, just above my knee. My gaze snapped to her hand, where I felt that electric current that I feel every time we touch. It was coursing through me, like a warm buzz travelling up my leg and through the rest of my body, it was relaxing almost, soothing. It was something I have never felt and it scared the shit out of me because it was so fucking intense. What did it mean? I moved my gaze to meet her warm chocolate eyes. She was smiling warmly at me.

"I won't judge you." She said again, this time straight into my eyes. This time I knew she was being completely honest. I trusted her and that was saying a lot for me.

My heart did that weird flip again as she gazed into my eyes, alighting some kind of spark within me. I looked away before I did something irrational. These feelings were becoming too much for me to handle.

"I've been through some fucked up shit in my life Bella. My ways of dealing with them are more than shameful. I'm not proud of them but that's not enough to stop me. I still do them at times. I figure if it helps then I don't really give a fuck about the consequences."

She stayed silent, her hand still on my leg but I tried not to think about that. But the current surging through me was too much to ignore. It felt good. It was allowing me to relax and feel calm.

"Pretty much everything. Weed is amateur shit but then again it does the job when I can't get my hands on all the serious stuff."

"Do you do all the other stuff often?"

I looked over at her wondering why she wanted to know all this stuff about me.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me. I'm being really nosy." She said shaking her head and removing her hand from my leg. As soon as it did, that current stopped, and that bubbling warmth that was radiating from her hand disappeared, cut off. I felt . . . empty and cold. This was some weird shit.

"Its ok, I'm just wondering why you're so curious."

"I'm sorry, like I-"

"Hey," I said making her look at me, "Stop fucking apologizing. You apologize too fucking much."

"S-" She stopped herself before she apologized again. I chuckled at her. She was so cute sometimes.

"When I feel really down and depressed and I'm just aching for relief from the pain, I snort coke. It's the strongest." I looked over at her waiting for some kind of reaction, like a disgusted look at me or stunned belief but I got nothing. Her face stayed warm and composed and I could tell it was sincere. It just made me like her that much more, so much more. I continued, "I tried ecstasy a couple of times in the beginning, not my kind of thing so I stopped that. Everyone's body is different and reacts differently to drugs. I prefer coke, it works better for me." She sat in silence, staring ahead and she seemed in deep thought. I was waiting for her to say something but she didn't say anything. I was starting to get uncomfortable and fidgety. I wished I could read her mind, figure out what she was thinking or wondering.

"Say something," I said after a while as the silence was eating away at me. She looked over at me and smiled slightly.

"I was just wondering what kind of low you would have to experience to take something as strong as cocaine." She said looking at me intently. There was not an ounce of judgment in her gaze, I felt calm and comfortable that I was able to share this with her, she didn't make me feel the hate that I feel toward myself.

"Sometimes, life gets the better of you. You experience shit that you wouldn't wish upon others, even your fucking enemies. Your brain becomes fuzzy, nothing makes sense, the pain is extreme and brutal and you would go to any lengths to find some sort of release from that, to feel content . . . Even if it is only for a few hours."

"I'm sorry." She murmured. I looked over at her questioningly wondering why the fuck she was apologizing again, especially after I had just told her to stop doing it. She turned to look at me and she smiled slightly but she looked upset. "I'm sorry for the pain you had to endure. Like you said, no one should have to suffer like that." She murmured. I kept my eyes on her, fucking stunned at how sincere and compassionate this girl was. She was so fucking understanding. I felt so connected to her. I felt like I could just tell her anything and I wouldn't have to worry about her reaction or judgment. And I even felt comfortable and at ease with her. Talking about my past with her seemed effortless. But there were things in my past that _I _couldn't even fucking think about let alone say out loud.

We sat in silence for a while longer, the only sound coming from the slight breeze that was ghosting past us, through the meadow and rustling the leaves and bushes. She grabbed her sweater from beside her and slipped it back on. It was starting to cool down immensely and the sky was darkening. Twilight.

"It's getting dark. We should start heading back." I said standing up.

She stood up and smiled warmly at me, "You remember the way back?" She asked.

"Sure, want me to lead?" I asked. She nodded.

I began heading in the direction we came, heading back into the cocoon of shrubs and forest. I stopped a few times as she tripped. She wouldn't actually fall but she would stumble and catch her fall in time. She didn't really hurt herself but she got a little scratch here and there as she would grip something to catch her fall. I don't think I had met any one so prone to accidents and falling. But that was just something else I seemed to like about her. I mentally shook my head, I was really falling for this girl if just the fact of her tripping I found beautiful.

We got back to my car and we climbed in. She sighed in relief as she sat down, obviously grateful that the hike was over. I wondered how she used to come here on her own a lot and end up back home in one piece. I put the key in the ignition and started the car and headed straight back to her place. She had to tell me the way considering I had never been there before.

The lights inside her house were already on when we pulled up outside her house. It was a humble house, nothing major about it. I was sure the inside would be warm and homey just like she was.

_Homey? Really Edward?_

She turned to me in the car and smiled softly. Even in the dim light of my car she looked beautiful, flawless.

"Thank you . . . for everything."

"Sure." I nodded once.

She opened her door and got out, closing it softly behind her. I smiled to myself, I hated the fuckers that felt the need to slam my car door, it didn't fucking need slamming, and slamming it just fucks it up. I watched her as she walked to her door and before she opened it she turned and waved goodbye to me. I waved back even though I was unsure of whether she could see me or not through the tinted glass of my car.

Once I made sure she was safely inside, I pulled away from the curb and went straight home. I pulled into the driveway and locked up my car and headed straight for my room. Emmett wasn't home yet and Carlisle was at work . . . perfect.

I went to my stereo and unscrewed the cover and removed it. I had three little baggies in there. I pulled out the one containing the weed. I rolled one up, replaced the bag among the others, put the rolled up joint in my pocket careful not to crush it and then replaced the cover and screwed it back in place.

I made sure to clean up any traces of weed from around the area and then headed downstairs. I slipped outside and made my way to the back of the yard. We had a shed there sitting right at the back, so I sat with my back against it where they couldn't see me from inside the house if they arrived.

I pulled the joint out and lit it. I took a long fucking drag, holding it in my lungs till I could feel it burning its way down my throat. I blew it out slowly and enjoyed the way it worked through my system. I sat and smoked it like I do most Saturday nights, although last night I didn't bother with it.

Bella came to mind instantly. I was finding it more and more difficult to fight what I was feeling for her. The more I got to know her the more I liked her. I don't think there was anything I could find out about her that I couldn't like. She was beautiful to say the least. Her big warm brown eyes were so deep and held so much depth. All her gentleness and compassion was expressed through them.

When she placed her hand on my knee and I felt that shock of electricity, it was inexplicable. I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on there but it seriously baffles the fuck out of me. I feel shit I have never felt before, things I didn't even know I was capable of feeling and that was some scary shit. This was all completely out of my fucking element. I have never felt the least bit out of control but I do with Bella. I have no idea what to expect, what I'm going to be feeling, what she is going to say, nothing. But the one thing I was damn fucking positive about was my feelings for her. I wasn't sure for how much longer I was going to be able to ignore those feelings or if I even wanted to.

I finished the last of my joint and got my ass up and to head inside. As I was walking back inside Emmett walked in through the front door.

"Hey." He said closing the door behind him.

"Hey," I said making my way to the kitchen.

"Have you been home long?"

"About half an hour." I answered opening the fridge.

"You just blew a stick, didn't you?" Emmett said with a little humor in his voice.

I pulled my head out of the fridge and looked briefly over at him, he was smirking the dim wit.

"Your point?" I asked returning to raid the fridge.

"I want."

"You want?" He nodded. "You want what?"

"Don't fuck with me, just give me some."

"Get your own."

"Fuck you."

"With that attitude you ain't getting nothing." I laughed.

"If you don't give me any . . . I'll tell Carlisle about your little stash in the speakers-"

"You wouldn't dare." I threatened closing the fridge and walking up to him.

"You're probably right, I wouldn't but just give me some of the good stuff and stop being a fucking tight ass."

"Fine. Come with me." I huffed.

We headed up to my room and I went straight for my stereo. I unscrewed my speaker box again and rolled up one for my air head brother and ended up rolling another one for myself.

"If you fucking show any trace of that shit anywhere then you're fucking dead." I threatened as I screwed the speaker cover back on.

"Sure." He grinned as he walked back down stairs.

* * *

The next morning, I pulled into my usual parking space and put the car in park. I grabbed my book bag off the passenger seat and climbed out, not in the mood for a fucking Monday. Just as I was locking my car, Lauren appeared and threw herself on me into a hug. I kept my hands by my sides and rolled my eyes, I wasn't one for affection. She leaned up till her lips were at my ear.

"How about a quickie before school?" She purred.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, my hands still at my sides.

"We can always get in your car and find somewhere a little quiet." As soon as she mentioned my car, I pushed her back by the shoulders gently.

"Sorry, no fucking in my car."

She gave me a puzzled look, "Huh?"

"I said I don't fuck in my car."

"Why?" She asked sounding offended. I wasn't sure whether because I was rejecting the fuck in general or rejecting the fuck in my car.

"Because it's my fucking car . . . no one eats in it, no one drinks in it and mostly, no one fucks in it." I said turning away and heading toward the main building.

"Edward wait," She called. I turned around to face her, running my fingers through my unruly hair and waited for her to speak. "There is always the janitor's closet."

I raised my eyebrows as I thought about her offer. I really was dying for a release, "Sure." I agreed.

Her eyes widened in excitement and she grinned back at me. She hurried up to me and met my pace as we headed toward the main building. Once we entered, I let her lead me to the Janitor's closet.

She pushed open the door and was about to pull me in when I heard my name being called. I turned and found Jasper approaching me, a questioning look on his face.

"Fuck, this is going to have to wait." I mumbled to Lauren.

"But Edward, I really wanted-"

"I heard you," I cut her off, "maybe later." I walked off toward Jasper without looking back at her.

"Were you going in there to do what I think you were going to do?" Jasper asked as soon as I was within hearing distance.

"Good morning to you too man." I teased.

"Morning, so answer my question."

"Was I going in there to fuck Lauren senseless?" I asked with a smirk. His eyes widened at my candidness.

"Yeah." He answered still seeming a little shocked.

"Yes I was. That was until you interrupted." I pointed out with a smirk.

"Sorry." He apologized as we began walking to class.

"That's fine, I guess I will just find another time today to do it."

"Have you slept with her already?"

"Nope but she has sucked me off. Why?"

"I just . . . don't know . . . I guess you just don't know where the hell that girl has been."

"Protection, always. I don't go near a girl without one."

"Yeah but still."

"Yeah but I'm dying for a fuck. Back in Seattle I never went more than a few days without one and that was rare even."

"You serious? And you've never had a girlfriend?" Jasper asked in shock.

"Nope. I had regulars and they all knew they were nothing but a fuck. It's the best kind of relationship - in and out and then see you tomorrow." I laughed, "No pun intended."

"You're priceless I swear." Jasper laughed as we reached my room.

"Well, I'll see you in gym." I said before heading into Math.

The first few periods went by fine. In English I usually sit next to Aaron but he wasn't here today. But I had a girl named Kate who sat in front of me who would always turn and glance at me over her shoulder. She was ok looking . . . wouldn't be able to stand her more than once I was sure.

When the bell rang to indicate the end of class, Kate jumped out of her seat and stood in front of my desk. I looked up at from underneath my lashes with a raised eyebrow, wondering what she wanted, but I had a fair good idea.

"Hey," She said with a little bounce in her step.

"Hey," I mumbled as I gathered my books and shoved them in my bag.

She remained standing there in silence and I was wondering what the fuck she wanted. I drew my attention from my stuff to looked at her. She had a little blush to her cheeks.

"You need anything?" I asked with furrowed brows. I really didn't have time for her shit. If she wanted it I'd appreciate it if she just came out and said it.

"Uh, I was just wondering what you're doing after school today?"

"Why?"

"Just thought we could grab a bite to eat." She said sounding hopeful. I noticed another girl standing by the door watching us. I looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. She smiled seductively and walked over to us.

"Kate." This girl said as her eyes stayed transfixed on me.

"Irina, this is Edward Cullen." Kate introduced. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from smirking. She was acting as if we were good friends.

"I know, I've seen him around." Irina said still with her 'seductive' smile intact and eyes raking over my body.

"If you girls don't need anything I'm just going to head out." I said as I slung my bag over my shoulder.

"Wait!" Irina said a little too enthusiastically. I turned to look at her. Just fucking say what it is you want to say, I thought. I stood and waited for either of them to speak.

"Would you like to come with us to the movies Friday night?" Irina asked. Kate turned to look at her with clear disappointment on her face. She was obviously hoping she would get me to herself. I wonder if they would be up for a three-some?

"I'll have to check my schedule but I'll let you know." I smirked.

_Schedule my ass._

"Ok, well, we'll see you around." Kate said.

"Sure." I smirked to myself as I walked out of the room.

I made my way to gym and into the locker room to change into my gym clothes.

"I can't be fucked for this honestly." I said to Jasper as I stepped into my basket ball shorts.

"Neither." Jasper said before taking a gulp from his water bottle. "But I don't mind basketball."

We packed our clothes away and headed out to the court. We sat on the team benches on the out skirts of the court and waited for Coach Clapp to come and get us started. I spotted Tyler and James walking out of the locker room and I looked away because quite frankly, I was in a constant battle with myself to fight the urge to beat the shit out of him.

Coach Clapp finally made it out and got us started, separating us into two teams. Jasper was on my team and James and Tyler were on the opposing team, I was going to make sure I beat the shit out of his team. We started the game, play going smoothly for the first five minutes. Jasper eventually got a hold of the ball dribbling it toward our basket. I stayed behind him, slightly to his side, waiting for any indication to send it my way. He reached the goal and aimed for a shot getting it in with an air ball. I high fived him because that shit isn't easy to do and because he just scored our team a motherfucking goal. I was fucking determined in beating the shit out of Tyler's team.

Aaron had control of the ball this time and then chest passed it to me, I began cross over dribbling, trying to quickly contemplate my strategies. Before I could register what was happening I felt a shove against me

"Fuck." I growled. Someone fucking charged at me while I was stationary. I got knocked back a bit and the ball fell out of my possession. Coach Clapp sounded his whistle and then gave me a brief warning about my language. I looked up to see fucking Crowley smirking at me as he walked away. The fucking idiot made a charge at me. I clenched my jaw to keep myself from losing it as I my hands fisted by my sides. Coach Clapp gave Tyler a stern warning and their team a foul before calling the game back into play. I felt a hand pat me lightly on my back. Jasper walked past me nodding his head and giving me his 'keep it cool' expression. It took a deep breath and continued on.

Fifteen minutes into the game, the defense was in control, more specifically Tyler had the ball this time and I aggressively shoved him back while I had the chance. He glared at me but I just walked off. If he wanted to fucking play this game, there is no shit stopping me.

We scored five more shots till I had control of the ball, just as I stopped underneath our goal to take a shot, Tyler, the fucking dick, pretends that he didn't see me stop and shoves into me again knocking the ball out of my hands.

I was fucking fuming.

"Watch it dick head!" I snapped at him. Luckily the coach didn't hear me this time. Crowley had the decency to fucking snicker at me as he walked off.

He was trying to crack me and it sure as hell was working. But I couldn't lose it in front of the coach. I took a few deep breaths and Jasper came over to me, patting me on the back and whispering in my ear to stay cool.

"I'm gonna fucking rip him apart when I have the fucking chance." I whispered back into Jasper's ear as I glared at Tyler.

Thirty minutes later, we finally finished, my team won and but I couldn't care less because the only thing on my mind was Tyler.

We all headed back into the locker room. We took our showers and got dressed, all the while I was fighting the urge I had that wanted to fucking smash Tyler to a pulp right then and there. So, once Tyler and James walked out of the locker room, I turned to Jasper.

"Ok, I'm going to need you to do me a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Jasper asked.

"Just listen to me. I need you to somehow get Tyler alone after school. Get him to follow you just outside the gates and behind the building-" Jasper cut me off.

"What are you planning on doing to him?" He asked sounding worried.

"That's for me to know only, just fucking get him there without him knowing I'm there. _And_ don't you fucking tell anyone, not Emmett, not Alice, no one, you hear me?" I asked as I tried to take deep breaths. Tyler was lucky I couldn't afford trouble at school now otherwise there would be fucking nothing from stopping me beating the fucking day lights out of him right here in the locker room.

"Look, just don't get carried away."

"Don't worry Jazz, just do as I say and that's all, you can walk off and leave once I have him."

Without waiting for him to say or ask anything else I headed out to lunch. I wasn't in the mood for eating because the only thing I could think of was Tyler. As I was heading over to my table Lauren jumped out of no where right in front of me.

"Geez! Watch where the fuck you're going woman." I snapped.

She gave me her pout that I hated more than anything.

"I was just wondering if you want to do what we couldn't this morning?" She asked rubbing her hands along my chest. I glanced at my watch, wondering if I could squeeze in a quickie before I had to meet Bella. I figured I could do this shit quick since I hadn't had a fuck in a while.

"I guess so," I replied simply still a little irritated at her for jumping out of no where. We made our way to the janitor's closet from earlier this morning.

We walked inside and Lauren closed the door behind us. She began kissing me forcefully and it was coming out a little sloppy. I just wanted to get this shit over with, there was no need for foreplay during quickies.

I began undoing my pants, "Turn around." I said.

She was wearing a skirt so this would make it a hell of a lot easier. I lifted her skirt up and pulled out my cock. I reached into my jeans for my wallet and opened it up, searching frantically for my rubber.

"Fuck!" I muttered.

"What?" She asked looking over her shoulder as she was bent over, her hands holding her up on the wall in front of her.

"I don't seem to have any fucking rubber. Fuck. It must be in my car." I whined. I rubbed my free hand over my face in frustration. I really was looking forward to a fuck. I was dying for it more likely. The whole shit with Tyler had me on edge and frustrated as fuck, I was relying on this release to help relieve some of the tension.

"I'm on the pill." She stated.

"No way in hell. No rubber, no fuck, I'm not an idiot." She huffed in irritation as she straightened up and adjusted her skirt back in place. "Can you just suck me off?" I asked hoping she would just do it.

She smirked at me, "My pleasure."

_Fucking great shit._

She dropped to her knees and took my entire length into her mouth as much as she could fit. She began to suck me off while I closed my eyes and focused. For some reason I was finding it hard to focus, I guess I was already getting over her. I get bored easily.

After about ten minutes of my full concentration, I came and she swallowed every drop like she was some dehydrated shit that had been hiking in the desert for days and dying for water. She pulled away and stood up, straightening up her clothes.

"Was that good?" She asked with a smug smile.

"Yeah, great." I answered dismally.

I zipped up my pants and opened the door. I checked the halls and there were only a few students roaming the place, considering everyone was in the cafeteria.

I walked out and I didn't even bother saying bye to Lauren as I made my way toward the cafeteria. I walked in and found Jasper and Emmett sitting with Bella, Rosalie, Alice, some guy called Seth and fucking Jacob.

I approached and my eyes were fixed on Bella. She was wearing a dark blue long sleeved thin shirt and I have to admit the color made her look like she was fucking glowing, her skin looked the most luscious creamy white, not that she doesn't normally look like that but this was just emphasizing it even more. She looked up at me and gave me her warm smile and I instantly felt my heart flip . . . _not this shit again_. And all the anger and tension I was feeling dissipated into nothing, leaving me feeling all warm inside. But this time I felt something else alongside my strong feelings for her, I wasn't sure what it was and it didn't feel too good but I tried to shake it away as I got closer.

"Hey," I mumbled to no one in particular.

"Edward, where have you been?" Emmett asked as I sat down beside Jasper.

"Just something I had to attend to." I said looking over at Jasper. His face immediately registered that he knew what I was talking about.

"Lauren?" He whispered so no one would hear.

I nodded and noticed Bella was looking over at me, disappointment clearly written all over her face. Did she hear Jasper?

Jasper chuckled and patted me on the back. I tried to avoid looking at Bella because she was making me uncomfortable with the look she was giving me suddenly and it was actually making that feeling I was feeling before stronger. Then it hit me.

_Guilt_

I was feeling fucking guilty. Guilty for what? For letting Lauren suck me off? Bella and I didn't really have a friendship, I wasn't tied to her. I shouldn't feel guilty for letting the girl she knew I was fucking suck me off, although I haven't actually fucked her yet.

I looked back up at her and noticed her talking with Jacob as he had his arm around her shoulders. He looked over at me and glared. I narrowed my eyes back at him, willing him to say something to me. He really needs to give up this protective shit he thinks he has over her. If I really wanted Bella, there are many ways that I could get her in heart beat and nothing that fucking Black can do could stop me.

"So no study session?" I asked Bella wondering why she hasn't mentioned it.

"After school. And you know we could do my house this afternoon."

"Nah, my house is working just fine . . . if you don't mind."

"I don't mind." She said smiling softly at me. God, she was beautiful.

Rosalie began talking to her but I kept my eyes on her. I tried not to make it seem like I was staring but I really couldn't draw my eyes away from her, she was soothing, her very presence made me feel calm and happy. She caught me staring a few times but I didn't care, I continued to admire her. I chatted a little to Jasper and Emmett when I had to but my main focus was on Bella.

We got into biology at the same time and sat down. She looked over at me a few times and smiled. She liked me, I knew it and for the first time I enjoyed it. I wasn't going to be able to keep fighting was I feeling for her. We were getting closer and closer and the more time I spent with her the stronger my feelings were getting for her. I'll just have to take things slow, because I knew I might unintentionally hurt her, I've never had a girlfriend, I've had flings, quick fucks here and there but I've never had to maintain a girlfriend or a relationship. I would be flying blind in that sense.

"Hey, I might be a little late this afternoon, so if you want you can beat me to my house and wait for me there." I said trying to keep all emotion out of my voice.

"Ok, something you need to get done?"

"I guess, you could say that." I smirked.

Mr. Molena entered class and handed out a few sheets and read over them for us. We copied some notes and then we had to answer some questions from the one of the sheets he gave us.

"I enjoyed yesterday." She said softly, turning to me and blushing slightly. We had been working quietly on our questions so I hadn't expected her to speak.

I couldn't stop the smile that overtook my face, "Me too." Her smile grew bigger as she registered what I said. She nodded her head and then turned back to her sheet, blushing even more, that beautiful shade of pinky red coloring her silky soft skin. What I would do to feel the softness of her skin underneath my finger tips.

I turned my focus back to my work but my mind was back to Tyler. I was really going to let him have it the fucker.

"You know I'd be more than happy to help." She offered giving me a little smile. I hadn't realized I had been sitting there not doing any work, my mind was else where.

"Thanks. I just . . . if I need help I'll know who to ask." I couldn't stop smiling like a goof it was ridiculous. This girl had taken control over me.

We worked silently through our questions, talking occasionally about random things. The blush that graced her cheeks whenever she got embarrassed was so darn cute, my hand was twitching to caress her cheek and feel the warmth of her skin that the blush created. I was sure her skin would be so soft like silk. And her lips . . . they looked so pink and soft also, I wanted nothing more than to feel them against mine.

Once biology ended I told her to meet me at my place and that I shouldn't be more than about ten minutes late. Emmett should be there to let her in. When school ended the adrenaline in my veins was pumping, I really could have used a blunt right about now but I was just going to have to do without.

I exited the school grounds and made my way around to the back of the main building. There were a lot of trees surrounding the area so I was positive no one could see us.

I pulled out a cigarette and lit it as I waited for Tyler and Jasper to show up. I was pacing, anger fueling through me, pumping me up physically and mentally for what was to come.

"What the fuck?" I smirked to myself when I heard his shocked tone.

I spun around and found Tyler walking beside Jasper, a confused and shocked impression on his face. I smiled a devilish smile at him, appearing eerily calm. He tried to turn back around knowing exactly what the fuck was going on.

"Jasper." I said. That was all Jazz needed to hear before he grabbed Tyler and spun him back around to face me, grabbing him from the back of his shirt and then shoved him forward toward me. I walked up to Tyler, my eyes locked on his shocked and fear filled eyes.

I towered over him, not such a hard thing when he was an about three inches shorter than me. I pressed my face right up to his, our noses almost touching, "Surprise!" I whispered with a smirk. His eyes widened for a split second before he took control over himself and tried to appear calm, like it didn't bother him but I could tell deep down he was shitting his pants.

I grabbed a fist full of the front of his shirt and tugged him away roughly from Jasper and pushed him backwards till he was against the wall of the building. He almost stumbled back a few times at the speed I was making his measly little legs move.

I aggressively thrust him against the wall so that the back of his head connected with the wall roughly. He shut his eyes and groaned from the light pain.

"Thanks Jasper." I said keeping my eyes on the fucker within my grip.

I couldn't hear Jasper moving so I turned my head and found him still standing in his position, watching intently with a little apprehension in his eyes. I raised my eyebrows at him in question.

"I might just keep a look out." He said sounding a little hesitant as his eyes danced back and forth between at Tyler and me.

"Just keep your distance." I replied before turning back to Tyler.

I pulled Tyler off the wall by his shirt and then roughly shoved him back against it with a loud _thud_, knocking the wind out of him as he groaned.

"Do you have any fucking idea why you're here?" I asked my voice sounding scarily calm.

"Fuck you." He spat. I narrowed my eyes at him . . . he obviously wasn't taking this seriously.

"You really shouldn't have said that." I smirked disgustingly before letting my fist connect with his nose forcefully, the back of his head smacking against the wall again. He groaned as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Are you going to co-operate now? Or do I need to fucking remind you WHO IS IN FUCKING CONTROL?!" I growled.

He tried nodding but my fistful of his shirt was pushed up underneath his chin making it hard for him. I heard Jasper take a few steps forward and stop. I turned around to glare at Jasper for ignoring me and I from the corner of my eye I saw Tyler's arm lift and aim for my face in a fist, luckily I quickly grabbed it before it hit me and twisted it hard backwards, causing him to whimper at the pain.

"Disrespect me one more time and you're fucking done for." I threatened locking my gaze with his. He swallowed thickly. "They were some moves you had out there during gym, playing all innocent like. But let me tell you one thing . . . the name's _Cullen bitch_! And no one fucking messes with me and gets the fuck away with it."

I threw my arm back and let my fist meet his eye, the back of his head hitting the wall again. He groaned as he adjusted his footing so he could regain his balance.

"Now, you fucking apologize or this is just going to get worse." I threatened, my voice was full of venom and anger, I almost didn't recognize it myself.

"I'm not apologizing." He said trying to keep his voice steady but failing.

I punched him straight in the nose again, blood freely streaming out of his nose and trailing over his lips. "You're just fucking making it worse. For each time you refuse, my punches are going to increase till you're a fucking pulp of shit at my feet. NOW APOLOGISE!" I screamed straight into his face.

"Sorry." He choked out but it was too late, I lost it.

My fist connected with his face repeatedly, blood dripping down his face, my fist was drenched in it but it pushed me more. His face was nothing but a punching bag to me at the moment as I let out all my pent up frustration and anger from the last month out on him. I've been trying to bottle it all up so I wouldn't explode but Tyler just gave me a fucking good reason.

"Edward." I heard Jasper warn me as my fist made repeated punches onto his face and I kneed him in the gut. I gave one last hard punch to his lip before I stopped and let go of Tyler. Immediately he dropped to the floor in a pulp of blood. I looked down at him and kicked him in the fucking groin, latching onto the wall in front of me to allow for maximum damage. His hands automatically latched onto his crotch as he cried and whimpered from the pain.

I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder and I aggressively shoved him away behind me. I knelt down in front of Tyler.

"Now I want a fucking apology for the cafeteria incident. Remember when you aggressively shoved Bella and knocked her tray over, you worthless piece of shit?"

He was groaning and crying in pain so he couldn't seem to answer. It pissed me off. I brought my fist down hard into his gut, knocking the air out of him, knocking him back into the wall. He doubled over and cried harder

"NOW FUCKING ANSWER ME YOU DICKHEAD!" I yelled, the anger pulsing through my veins, feeding my strength and firing me up.

"I-I remem-ber…" He stuttered. He was a mixture of blood and snot.

"Now what do you say?" I asked glaring at him.

"S-S-Sorry." He said with his eyes shut tight, obviously from the pain he was going through.

_I didn't give a fuck._

"LOOK AT ME AND FUCKING SAY IT!" I yelled again. He jumped, startled by my voice.

He looked up at me, his eyes swollen slightly and already going blue. "S-sorry."

"See that wasn't so fucking hard was it?" I asked sounding calm again.

He shook his head vigorously.

I stood up and looked down at the pitiful piece of shit beneath me. It felt good. It felt good to finally let out my frustrations on a worthless prick like Tyler.

"If you fucking open your mouth about this to anyone and I fucking mean _anyone_ . . . then just remember, this was just a fucking appetizer to what I'll have waiting for you next."

I spun on my heel and walked away passing Jasper who stood frozen with his eyes locked on Tyler. I stopped and turned around, "Jasper?" I asked as I flexed my fist that was beginning to hurt slightly. It was covered in Tyler's blood.

"We can't fucking leave him here." Jasper said turning to face me.

"He'll be fine, I didn't touch his legs he can fucking walk."

"But look at him, he can't move-"

"Jasper." I said sternly. He went quiet and looked over at me, "This isn't the fucking first time I do this shit, he is fine. Now come on . . . I have a biology study session I have to get to."

He hesitated for a minute, his eyes wondering back to Tyler briefly before he turned back and followed after me.

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**Hoped you enjoyed that!!**

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	9. Just Let Me Be

**A/N- Have i said before how wonderful i think you all are? Well, in case i haven't you are. All my readers are great because you are all so supportive and send me so much love. **

**I just would like to say if anyone is a beta i would love to have one for this story, it would make editing so much easier and maybe improve on the story too, so if anyone is interested just message me :)**

**Virutal family...love you always and so much mwa!!!**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, i just use her characters for my pleasure :P

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**BPOV**

I walked through the front door to find an empty house, surprised considering the lounge room light was on. Mum must have forgotten to switch it off, she always did. I idled in the kitchen for a few moments wondering whether to make dinner or not. I wasn't sure if they would be hungry when they came home or if they were eating out. I sighed and just decided that I could always make some sandwiches if they were hungry.

I headed up to my room and lay down on my bed on top of the covers in my clothes, my thoughts going through the day I had. Edward Cullen had me. He occupied almost my every thought throughout a day. I found him interesting, I found him sexy, I found him hypnotizing and I found him baffling. Everything he admitted to me today should have me running for the hills… or at least have me cautious to how close I get to him. He was a confused and hurt soul who has obviously suffered through a lot. But even with all of this, I can't find it in me to walk away, even the mere thought of it seems too painful to even fathom.

Edward Cullen had me.

I was his.

Of that I was positive.

I've come to the decision to take whatever he gives me. I feel connected to him in some inexplicable way. Although I'm still not completely comfortable around him as I find him quite intimidating, I do feel something there, something I can't explain, something that is pulling me toward him and something that makes me feel things I have never felt before in my life. I feel good. But _good_ is the understatement of the century, I feel euphoric in just his mere presence. The electric current I feel whenever I touch him feels like there is something connecting me to him, physically, emotionally and mentally, a current that burns its way through my system, burning me bright and alive; more alive than I have ever felt, especially in the last 5 years. I don't know how to explain it but there definitely is a pull there.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up a while later and found myself still lying in bed, on top of the covers and in my clothes. I groaned and rolled over to look at the time. It was 5am. I couldn't believe I slept through the night in my clothes. I climbed my groggy self out of bed and rubbed my hands over my face to wake myself up some. I got up and headed into the bathroom for a long relaxing shower under the warmth of the steaming water. I washed my hair with my strawberry shampoo and scrubbed my body. I climbed out and hurried into my room in my bath robe.

I slipped on my panties and bra, followed by my black skinny jeans and navy blue long sleeved shirt. I went back into the bathroom and brushed the knots out of my damp hair and then dried it with the blow drier to its natural waves. I headed back into my room, wore my tennis shoes and headed downstairs. I had my coffee, a little breakfast and relaxed with my 'Wuthering Heights'. After about an hour, I grabbed my bag and headed for school.

I got there early and decided I would go and work on the biology assignment in the library till the bell rang. The day went by slowly and I blamed it for waking up so early, it seemed to drag on and my body was fighting for sleep, the boring curriculum not helping in the slightest.

I grabbed a slice of pizza and a water bottle before I headed over to our table. I hadn't seen Edward yet today and I was actually becoming anxious. I needed his presence… I needed _him_. Jake walked over and took the seat beside me with Rosalie and Alice following close behind him. All three of them started chatting around me, their voices a buzzing blur as my attention and my eyes were desperately scanning the cafeteria for a mop of bronze locks. Jasper and Emmett arrived soon after and still no Edward. I was becoming irritated with myself for getting so caught up with him. I couldn't seem to focus on the people around me because my mind was with Edward and where he could be.

When he did finally arrive I felt my heart pick up speed immensely in excitement. I gave him a warm smile, taking a lot of self control not to grin like a fool back at him. He took a seat between Jasper and Emmett across from me. Emmett asked him where he was and Edward's answer was nothing out of ordinary, "Just something I had to attend to." I looked down at my half eaten pizza slice and tried to appear like I wasn't listening in on their conversation. But of course I was, because I wanted to know where he was. I wanted to know everything about Edward. Far out… when did I become this obsessive?

What I heard next shouldn't have had such a strong reaction from me, but it did and I hated myself for it. I knew he was dating Lauren, and I knew Edward was a man whore so obviously he would be having sex with her. But the confirmation of hearing Jasper whisper her name and Edward nodding in confirmation was too much for me. It hurt. I felt a painful twist in the pit of my stomach. My head snapped up to look at Edward as soon as her name escaped Jasper's lips. Edward caught me looking and I'm sure he even saw the disappointment and probably disgust written clearly across my face. Jasper's nonchalance to the situation and patting Edward on the back in a proud manner was enough to make me sick. I couldn't look at Edward, not after knowing why he was late to lunch. I returned my attention back to Jacob and it took everything in me to clearly focus on what he was saying and not let what I just overheard float around in my head, cloudy all my other thoughts.

"So no study session?" The sound of his velvet like voice was enough to soothe the disgust I was feeling toward him. This was just sick. The mere sound of his voice erasing the all the hatred I had toward what he had just done. I mentally shook my head at myself.

"After school. And you know we could do my house this afternoon." I replied, twirling my water bottle within my hands.

"Nah, my house is working just fine . . . if you don't mind."

"I don't mind." I said smiling at him. I couldn't help it, it wasn't something I had control over in his presence. His returning smile was enough to make my heart go into overdrive.

That was all we said to each other for the remainder of lunch although I could feel him staring at me. I looked over at him a few times and he would just smile warmly at me. At one point I almost had to leave. The attention he was giving me was sending warmth to pulsate through me, like my body was burning, erasing all the cold I tend to feel.

Biology rolled around before I knew it and we were sitting side by side. I still felt like my body had a warm buzz floating through it just from his eyes being on me all throughout lunch.

"Hey, I might be a little late this afternoon, so if you want you can beat me to my house and wait for me there." Edward said after we had been sitting in silence for a while.

"Ok, something you need to get done?"

"I guess, you could say that." He smirked. I wondered to myself what it could be that he had to do after school but I couldn't think much of it because Mr. Molena walked into class and began.

As we were working through some answer sheets I couldn't help but remember the day before and our time in the meadow. I had really enjoyed myself and the fact that Edward and I seemed to have become a little closer.

"I enjoyed yesterday." I said softly, wanting him to know how much I loved being in his presence but in a subtle way.

He smiled back at me and admitted he had a nice time too. His smile was breath taking and it made him look so beautiful. I hated describing him as beautiful, not a very masculine way to describe a guy but he _was_ beautiful. His features were perfect. His chiseled jaw, his pouty lips, his straight nose and bedroom green eyes. He was so beautiful it was hypnotizing.

His mind seemed to be elsewhere during the remainder of class, I wasn't sure over what though. He kept up simple conversation with me and I was happy about that. I enjoyed talking to him and if I was correct he enjoyed talking to me too. And whenever a smile graced his lips I found I would have to look away other wise I would completely go into a daze.

When the bell signaled the end of biology he said he'll meet me at his place and repeated he would be ten minutes late. I nodded and headed out to gym.

Jacob met me at my locker after school and walked me to my car before we each headed off our own ways. I arrived at Edward's house as Emmett was pulling up in his Jeep.

"Bella!" He boomed as he jumped out and headed over to me in my truck. I smiled back at him, his enthusiasm refreshing.

"Where's Edward?" He asked as we walked up to the front door.

"Um… he said he had to take care of something. He shouldn't be too late."

"Fair enough. Would you like something to eat?" He asked as he led me into the kitchen.

"I'm ok, thanks." He laughed.

"I wouldn't even know what to make you cos I can't cook for shit. But you're welcome to help yourself anytime." I smiled, surprised by the kind gesture to just hand over the kitchen to me.

"Thanks Emmett."

Once he fixed himself a turkey sandwich, we took a seat in the lounge in front of the TV. We watched some reruns of 'Friends'. I couldn't help but think how Emmett was so much like Joey, light-hearted, care free and simple minded.

To be honest, I wasn't really focusing on the TV, all my focus was on Edward and where he was. He said he had something he had to take care of… that never sounds good.

_Take care of_.

That usually is code for something wrong. I think I was just being paranoid battering my brain over what he might be doing. Emmett didn't even know where he was. I took a deep breath and turned my focus back to _Friends _or at least I tried to. He said he would only be ten minutes so it wouldn't be anything too serious. It wasn't until about twenty minutes after I had arrived that I heard a car pull up outside, the engine cut and then a door was slammed shut. Before I knew what I was doing I jumped up from the couch and hurried to the door. It didn't occur to me till I was already at the door that it could be Dr. Cullen.

But before I could open it the door flew open and I came face to face with Edward. My eyes snapped down to his hands that he was clutching and wincing from.

"Oh my god what happened?" I asked my hands unconsciously reaching out to examine his.

He pulled them back quickly, "Nothing." He said sounding fine as he kicked the door shut behind him and headed into the kitchen.

"Fuck Edward! What the fuck did you do?" Emmett bellowed jumping up from the couch, his eyes fixed on Edward's hands.

"Nothing, can you both stop. It's not as bad as it looks." He said nonchalantly. He walked over to the sink and turned on the tap, holding his hand underneath the streaming water. The water in the sink was turning pink from the dried blood on his knuckles.

"I didn't fucking ask how your hands felt, I asked what happened? How did they fucking get that way?" Emmett asked angrily as he stood beside Edward. I stood by the breakfast bar, I wanted to help but it didn't look like he wanted any. His hands looked hurt badly and I hated seeing him like that. I wanted to help erase that pain.

"Emmett, can we not talk about this shit now? And don't you fucking say anything to Carlisle." Edward warned as he turned the water off and looked around for something to dry his hands with.

I pushed myself off of the counter and grabbed a bunch of paper towels and hurried over to him.

"Let me do that." I said softly, lifting his hands within mine, careful not to hurt him. I began dabbing his hands dry being extra gentle around his knuckles that looked a little swollen and had a few cuts on them. His left hand was fine, just a little blood that was now washed away. But his right hand was injured.

I could feel his eyes on me as I dried his hands up. I stopped and looked up at him, my heart beating against my chest incredibly fast, I wouldn't be surprised if he could hear it, he was so close to me and the house was silent. Emmett was standing behind me watching closely. For the life of me I couldn't draw my gaze away from his, I felt locked into it, like his green emeralds that were a dark jade now were sucking me in, pulling in with such force that I felt hypnotized. I heard a throat clear behind me and I jumped back startled, snapping me out of the spell that Edward seems to posses over me.

"I... I need to get some antiseptic on this." I said trying to gather my thoughts. I seemed to need to do that a lot after looking into Edward's eyes. His intense gaze makes me lose myself completely.

"I'll get you the first aid kit." Emmett said walking off.

I let go of Edward's hand after realizing I was still holding it. I could still feel his intense gaze on me. I was too scared to look into his eyes. I can't think clearly looking into his eyes. So that's why I spoke while keeping my focus on his hands, it would be easier to concentrate this way.

"This is going to need some ice once I have the cuts cleaned. Are you going to tell me what happened?" I asked finally looking up into his eyes. His eyes snapped away from me and down at his hands.

"I don't think I can." He answered, sounding almost ashamed with himself.

I took a deep breath as I thought about it. I was going to get it out of him whether he liked it or not.

"Ok, everything you need should be in here. Edward used to go through these things on daily basis back in Seattle. I'm actually quite surprised its taken two weeks back at school to pull this kit out." Emmett chuckled, obviously finding some humor in his brother getting hurt.

"Thanks." I replied as I opened up the kit and took out some alcohol and soaked a cotton ball with it. I grabbed my free hand and held Edward's injured hand in mine, and I instantly felt that electric current pulsate through me. I tried to ignore it as I began lightly dabbing the cuts.

"You don't have to do this you know." Edward said breaking me out of my trance. His hand within mine was letting my mind go wild and my body warm all over from his simple touch.

I looked up into his eyes and they looked gentle and soft and I felt my heart swell just by looking back into them, "I… I want to." I said looking away again. I couldn't lose myself around him like this. He really did have this power over me that I hated and loved all at the same time. Edward could take control of me any day but I wish I wouldn't crumble into a stuttering mess in the process.

As I turned I realized Emmett was no where in sight. I was too caught up in Edward that I hadn't realized he left. I threw the used cotton ball in the near by trash and then walked back over to him. He had his good hand resting on the kitchen bench beside him. But his eyes were still focused on me, still boring a hole into me.

I grabbed some band aids and covered the few cuts he had. "You're lucky you don't need stitches."

"I knew what I was doing." He replied quickly.

"I never doubted that." I said looking back into his eyes and giving him a warm smile. He gave me his breathtaking crooked smile and I forgot how to breathe. I forced my gaze away from his and went over to his freezer.

"Do you have an icepack?" I asked opening it and searching.

"My dad's a doctor." He replied simply as if that was an obvious answer to my question.

"That's right." I mumbled to myself as I found one in the door among some other ones. I grabbed it and wrapped it in a tea towel to kill some of the sting of the cold.

I walked back over and I was actually excited to have his hand back in mine, I know, sick, but I couldn't help it. I lifted his hand and placed the cold pack over his knuckles.

"Now leave that there so the swelling can die down." I said as I turned and began packing up his first aid kit.

He held the ice pack onto his hand with his free one and watched me as I closed up the kit. I turned to him and caught him staring at me with such intensity that I had to look away.

"What?" I asked feeling self conscious, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Nothing." He quickly snapped his eyes away from mine and took in a deep breath as if recollecting himself. "Want to watch some TV?"

"Sure," I replied giving him a slight smile and heading over to the couch and sitting down. He came and sat down beside me and I couldn't help but notice how close he sat even though we were sitting on the large couch so there was plenty of room for him to stretch out.

I flicked through the channels, my eyes on the TV but not seeing anything. My mind was going through what just happened. How did he get injured? I was going to get it out of him.

"So are you ready to tell me what happened?" I asked trying to keep the impatience out of my voice. I turned my head to look at him as his eyes were fixed on the TV. He seemed to be in deep thought, probably trying to think of how to answer.

"I'm not sure I want to tell you." He said turning to me. His face was serious.

"You know I won't judge… I thought we established that yesterday." I said biting my bottom lip. The corner of his lip curled up into his stunning crooked grin and my breathing picked up immediately, I quickly looked away.

"Well… let's just say that Tyler won't be fucking with me anytime soon." He said with a little humor in his voice. My head snapped around to look back at him, with I'm sure pure shock written across my face as I realized what he had done.

"You-you hit him?" I asked in disbelief.

"See… you're already judging." He said sounding irritated and amused at the same time.

"I'm... I'm not judging. I'm just… shocked I guess. What brought this on?" I asked turning my body around so that I was facing him, one leg hanging off the couch and the other tucked underneath me.

"There are people in this world that need to be taught a lesson or two. I guess Tyler had it coming to him." He said turning to face me as well. I just stared back at him in silence. He spoke after he realized I wasn't going to.

"He has been grating on my nerves since that day in the cafeteria, smirking at me whenever he sees me, glaring at me and then today in gym I snapped. He kept 'running into me'" He said using air quotes, "almost knocking me over a few times. I tried to keep my cool knowing I couldn't beat the shit out of him right there so I got Jasper to organize for him to meet me at the back of the main building after school." He finished shrugging like it was no big deal.

"Jasper was in on this?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, he didn't hit him or anything. He was packing shit though, thought I was overdoing it."

"How's Tyler?" I could hear the fear in my voice. I knew by the injuries on Edward's hands that it wasn't a light punching.

"He'll survive." He said like it was no big deal.

"I'm just glad you're ok." I said looking down at his bandaged hand.

"I beat Tyler to a pulp and you're worried about _me_?" He asked with a smirk.

I felt my face heat up as I realized what I'd said. He was right, I should be worried about Tyler but all I could think about was that Edward was in danger. I looked down into my lap, hiding my flushed cheeks.

"Don't worry, he didn't lay a hand on me. He tried but I punished him for it." He went silent before he spoke again, "Oh, I got him to apologize for the cafeteria incident too."

My head snapped up to look at him, "What?"

"When he shoved into you and made you drop your tray. It wasn't a direct apology to you but I'm passing on the message." He smirked again. He seemed to be finding this funny.

"Ah… thanks?" I said, my thank you sounding like a question. He chuckled.

"No problem. Someone needed to put the fucker in his place."

"Do you need me to replace the ice?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"No it's still fine. We can get working on the assignment now if you want. It is due in on Thursday and it has a couple of things we still we need to do."

"Ok, but I'll work on it. You just relax." I said standing up.

"Don't be silly Bella, I can't let you do that." He said standing up and removing the ice from his hand. I couldn't help but notice how great my name sounded rolling off of his pink pouty lips.

"Don't you worry." I said heading for the stairs. He threw his ice pack into the kitchen sink and followed me up the stairs, we heard music coming from Emmett's room as we passed and walked into Edward's.

I turned the monitor on and I couldn't help but notice how comfortable I had become in here. It felt good and my stomach did little flips at the realization that I was comfortable in Edward Cullen's room.

_Sigh_

He walked over to his stereo and turned on some music, lowering the volume so that it was just background noise. It was 'the Killers' that played. I smiled to myself as I realized that he always played bands that I liked also.

He plopped himself down on the bed while I took a seat at his desk and began typing away. He had only one diagram left to do and the rest was just typing. He kept up a conversation as I worked and I found it was comfortable when we spoke, we didn't try to talk with each other, conversation just flowed and it felt good. I couldn't be happier.

An hour and half later I was tired and couldn't focus anymore. We had pretty much finished it, leaving a few minor adjustments here and there. I rubbed my hands over my face to try and wake myself up. I heard Edward's musical chuckle and I turned to face him with raised eyebrows, wondering what he found funny.

"It's just… you look so adorable when you're tired like that."

I froze.

I stared back at him wondering if I heard correctly. Did he just call me adorable? Was I reading too much into it? It was an innocent comment but then that wouldn't explain the shocked look on his face that suddenly appeared. He was first to break eye contact as he got up and walked over to his shelf and began scanning through his CDs. I knew this was just a distraction and a way to avoid what he just said. Ok, I could just look past it. He didn't say I was beautiful or declare his undying love for me. He simply said I looked _adorable _when I'm tired.

I watched his back, his shoulders looked tense. It definitely put awkwardness in the room. I stood up from my seat and began packing my notes and books away. I guess we were just going to pretend like it didn't happen. Good.

"I'm gonna get going." I said trying to keep all emotion out of my voice.

He turned around to look at me, "You don't have to go."

"Mum and Phil will be home soon."

"Oh…" He said. He seemed to hesitate slightly before he spoke again, "Hey." I looked up and saw that he was looking a little uncomfortable. "I didn't mean to make things awkward." He said shrugging one shoulder and running his fingers through his hair and then wincing from the pain of his injured hand.

"Things aren't awkward." I lied. "You didn't say anything wrong." At least I was hoping he didn't see it as wrong. Because deep down I was prancing about in the fact that I just received a compliment from Edward Cullen… well it was an innocent one but that is besides the fact.

"Ok," He said sounding a little relieved but still a little tense.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"See you tomorrow."

I walked out of the room and I heard him following close behind. I reached the front door and opened it before turning around to face him. He held the door open with his good hand directly above my head. I chanced a peek up into his eyes and my breathing hitched. They were so bright, a beautiful bright emerald. I felt sucked in, locked in. I couldn't look away even if I tried. He was staring back, frozen in place. The both of us were frozen. We both seemed to be underneath some spell that we couldn't snap ourselves out of. My breathing picked up and I tried to hide it so it wouldn't seem so obvious that he was having such a strong effect over me. For goodness sake he was just looking at me and I felt like I could melt into a puddle of awe at his feet.

Edward Cullen had me under a spell.

And even if I wanted to, which I didn't, there was no way I could deter my feelings for him. They have already crossed that dangerous line from friendly innocent feelings to a full blown crush. I was falling for Edward Cullen and it scared the living daylights out of me. I promised myself I wouldn't allow myself to get to this point but it seems I have absolutely no control over it.

He does.

He has me under his full control and there is nothing I can do about it.

His phone rang and it startled the both of us. He seemed annoyed as he reached into his back pocket and pulled it out. He took a look at it and silenced it.

"No one important." He said.

"Ok… um…" I was trying to gather my thoughts after the effects of Edward-itis. "You should keep applying ice to that. I mean the swelling looks like it has died down a bit."

Before I knew what I was doing I reached my hand out and grabbed his injured hand within mine. That jolt of electricity hit me once again and I wondered if that would ever go away. For some reason I couldn't find it in me to care that I was holding his hand within mine and examining it like a goof. I just wanted to touch him before I left. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, to have those long heavenly fingers within my hand. The thing was he showed no sign of resistance or reluctance.

As I held his hand in one of mine, I brought my free hand and as light as a feather, I ran my fingers across his knuckles, _pretending _to be feeling for the swelling, I really just wanted to touch him.

I could feel his eyes on me, his intense green eyes burning through me and my heart was beating against my rib cage incredibly fast I thought it was going to stutter to a stop. I took a deep breath and let go of his hand and shut my eyes, trying to gather myself… again.

"It looks fine, just a little swelling." I said trying to sound normal but my voice came out strained.

"Thanks." He said giving me his breathtaking crooked smile. If I had just gathered myself, that smile made me crumble all over again. "I've been through this more times than I can count."

I gave a nervous chuckle and then decided for the sake of my beating heart, it would be a good idea to leave. I turned and headed out toward my truck, turning slightly as I went to give him a last wave. He waved back as I got into my truck and pulled away.

By the time I got home, my brain was mush, my body was mush and my heart was still beating violently fast. The one thing that I found weird was my hand that I held his in was still tingling, a light tingle all over. I rubbed it thinking it would go away and it just confused me to no end to think what it all meant.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't heard Phil enter.

"Bella?" I jumped and spun around, clutching my chest. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok." I said waving him off with my other hand.

"You ok?" He asked narrowing his eyes at me.

"I'm fine. Sorry, was just thinking about a few things." I explained turning toward the fridge to get started on dinner. I needed to make something quick, I hadn't realized how late I was.

"Alright, well I'm just going to take a quick shower."

"Yeah." I said as I pulled out the stuff for some tacos. That should be quick enough to make.

Renee arrived about ten minutes later while I was still just preparing the ingredients so she ran up for a shower in the mean time. Phil stretched out on the couch watching sports center while I finished up dinner. We ate it and Phil loved it. We talked about our days but I obviously kept Edward out of the conversation completely.

After dinner I helped clear the table and then went up to my room to do my homework. I didn't have much which I was grateful for because my brain was still in a whirlwind of thoughts about what had happened this afternoon at Edward's house, his 'adorable' comment. He slipped up, which meant he meant it. I wasn't sure whether it was my reaction to it that got him to suddenly regret what he said but that was what I sensed from him. He probably thought it made me uncomfortable but it really just took me by surprise.

I knew I liked him… a lot. My feelings for him grow stronger with every passing moment I spend with him. The effect he has over me with just his eyes is baffling. I never thought someone could take complete control over me with just their eyes. They're warm, inviting, smoldering and bright. There is still so much about him I want to know, I want to find out.

I arrived in school the next day and parked my car in its usual spot. The only unusual thing was that Lauren pulled in to the spot next to me. She wasn't parking in her usual spot which I found odd but thought I just needed to get out of the truck before she could say something to me. I climbed out of my truck and slammed the door trying to hurry before she could stop me.

It was an unlucky morning.

Just as I reached the back of my truck her door opened and she called me.

"Bella." I considered ignoring her because I knew whatever she had to say to me wouldn't be pleasant, it never was. So I kept walking.

"Bella! Wait."

I let out a gust of air in frustration and turned around to face her. I wasn't going to speak unless I had to so I just waited for her to tell me what she wanted.

"Didn't you hear me?" She asked raising her extremely thin eye brow at me.

"Nope." I lied popping the 'p' as I looked down at the ground before looking back up at her.

"Well I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I held up Edward yesterday at lunch." She said with a smirk.

"That's fine." I said sounding bored as I turned around to keep walking. I could feel the anger building in me as she tried to rub it in.

"I haven't finished talking Bella."

I stopped and turned back around, glaring at her.

"What's with the look? Are you jealous that I get to suck Edward's cock and you don't? Oh, that's right you don't even know what a cock looks like." She laughed mockingly at me. Honestly as well I thought I knew Lauren, I hadn't expected her to say that. I knew I blushed and I hated myself for it but it was something I couldn't control.

"You know what Lauren? I don't know many people that take pride in being a _whore_." I sneered.

She went silent for second before she spoke, "At least I can actually get guys to _want _me. No one has even touched _you, _look at you!" She snapped, eyeing me disgustingly.

My breathing picked up and I felt my tears emerging at her harsh words but I blinked them back. The last thing I needed was to break down in front of her and show her just how much her words stung me. She always knew what to say to break me. Why was she so cruel?

"Lauren." I froze when I heard his velvet liquid voice. Although it sounded angry as he said her name.

"Eddie baby." Lauren cheered running past me and throwing herself into his arms.

Without looking at him, I spun around and walked right past him, my shoulder lightly brushing up against his as I past.

"Bella." He called me but I kept walking picking up my pace. I hurried to the toilets and hid in there till the bell rang. I didn't cry. I didn't allow myself to cry, the tears were there but I didn't let them spill over. So I just took deep breaths to calm myself so I could face the rest of the day.

Honestly, what was hurting the most was the fact that she could get anyone… even Edward. She may throw herself at guys and offer them sexual favors and that wasn't me but the fact is, guys take her. I could never exude the type of confidence that she has. It just wasn't me. I don't find myself attractive. I don't find myself good enough for anybody. I'm too ordinary and too plain. I mentally scolded myself and took a few deep breaths. Ok, I had to distract myself before my thoughts carried me to a place I never want to visit again… ever.

The bell rang for first period so I took a few deep breaths and hurried off to history. I tried to act fine throughout class because I had it with Jacob and I wasn't in the mood for his questioning. Math and Government went by quick but Spanish class seemed to drag on. There were a lot of questions that we were asked to do and I was struggling a bit with them. So I couldn't have been happier when lunch rolled around. But I cringed at the idea of having to face Edward. I knew I couldn't escape him all day but I wasn't ready to face him just yet. I was sure Lauren would have filled him in on our little chat this morning in the parking lot.

I walked to my locker to throw my books in before I headed to the cafeteria and was surprised when I found Edward there, leaning against the locker beside mine. My heart began thumping against my rib cage viciously in excitement and thrill. His mere presence was going to be the death of me.

"Hi," I said once I reached him.

"Hey," He said pushing himself off the locker he was leaning on.

I opened my locker and shoved my books in there and waited for him to say something.

"Is there anything you need?" I asked when I realized he wasn't going to say anything.

"Why would you think I need something?" He asked fighting back a smile.

"I don't." We both went silent for a bit as I shut my locker and turned to him, wondering why he was waiting for me here in the first place.

"I know what happened this morning." He said, his voice hinting a little irritation.

"I'm used to it." I said shrugging trying to seem like what happened didn't bother me.

"She can't fuck with you like that."

"Like I said, I'm used to it." I tried to hide the surprise I felt at his obvious concern for me.

"I left her anyway." My eyes widened in surprise and before I could stop it and a smile formed on my face. I quickly looked down at my feet and bit my bottom lip to stop myself.

"You seem pleased." He stated with a little amusement in his voice.

"I'm not. It's just… I really don't like Lauren." I said looking back up at him. I was sure it was no surprise to him.

"Neither did I." He chuckled. We began our walk to the cafeteria.

"Then why did you date her?" I asked wrinkling my forehead.

"I wasn't dating her." He stated like it was an obvious thing to know. Then it hit me he was only using her for sex. We spotted James on our way and I noticed Edward smirk as he looked over at him.

"Hey James." Edward called, his face was serious again. James turned around and looked at Edward with narrowed eyes. Obviously realizing he wouldn't be calling him for a nice chat.

"Tyler isn't at school today?" Edward asked the corner of his mouth lifting up into his infamous crooked grin.

"No… he is sick?" James answered like it was a question.

"That's a shame. Tell him I send my get well wishes." Edward smirked as we past James.

I looked down and giggled to myself. "He might put two and two together you know." I said once James was out of hearing distance.

"Fuck him. What are they going to do? If they know what's good for them they'll keep their fucking distance."

We walked into the cafeteria and made our way to our table. Jacob and Seth were the only ones there. Jacob glared at Edward and Edward glared back as we approached. I looked over at Seth and found him fighting back a smile as he watched the glaring competition going on.

"Why don't you just pull them out and get it over with." I muttered under my breath, intended only for my ears. But to my dread, Edward, Jake and Seth heard as all three pairs of eyes snapped to me in complete shock. My face flushed the deepest shade of crimson and I quickly looked down at my feet.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Jacob asked me incredulously. His brows knitted together in anger.

"Hey! Watch how you fucking talk to her." Edward snapped. My eyes darted between the two of them in shock, completely not expecting what was happening.

"No one is fucking talking to you." Jacob said jumping up from his seat, causing his chair to fly back and skid against the floor.

"Well then maybe you should watch what comes out of your fucking mouth when you talk to a girl." Edward snapped. Seth stood up quickly obviously realizing this wasn't going to die down any time soon. He clasped onto Jake's shoulder to hold him still but Jacob aggressively shrugged him off.

"Can you both sit down please? Everyone is looking." I groaned covering my face with my hands.

Jake started inching closer toward Edward. Edward just stood there glaring back at Jake. I could see his fists clenched tightly by his sides. I clutched onto his forearm and the electricity jolted through me again, but with so much force I snapped my hand back in shock.

Edward looked over at me with furrowed brows obviously feeling it too. He must have felt it, but he could just be confused as to why my hand snapped back so quickly.

"You know, you think you are some cool shit walking around like you fucking own the place. You're nothing but a rich arrogant ass hole that has no respect toward anybody. So why don't you just scurry off where the fuck you came from and do us all a fucking favor." Jake said nastily.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked as he approached with Jasper, Alice and Rosalie by his side.

"Stay out of it Emmett." Edward warned without taking his eyes off of Jake.

"Edward, why don't you come with me?" Emmett said grabbing onto Edward's arm to pull him away but Edward shrugged him off.

"I'm not going to touch him Emmett so calm the fuck down."

I went up to Jacob and grasped onto his arm knowing I could probably try and calm him down. I pulled him down so I could talk into his ear.

"Please Jake, can you stop? Let's just walk away and pretend this didn't happen."

"Why?" Jake asked turning to me, his tone cold and hard.

"Because."

"You don't want me to hurt him?" He challenged.

"You won't fucking hurt me." Edward laughed mockingly.

"Edward." Emmett said sternly, pulling him by the arm again.

Jasper walked up to Edward and whispered something into his ear. Edward looked between me and Jake but kept his stance.

"Jake come with me." I said pulling Jake by the arm. He resisted a little before finally relaxing and letting me lead the way. I led him out of the cafeteria and down the hall. I stopped us and turned to face him with a glare, my arms crossed against my chest waiting for him to explain.

"Don't fucking give me that look." He said angrily.

"Then why don't you tell me what that was all about."

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked as his eyes narrowed at me.

"No. Now is not the time for ques-"

"Do you have a thing for Cullen?" He asked, his tone a mix of hurt and anger.

"I said to you now is the not the time to ask me questions."

"Just answer me Bella." He demanded.

"He is my biology partner… what do you want me to say?" I asked shrugging, trying to seem blasé about my answer.

"The truth."

"What does it matter to you?" I asked, feeling myself get angry at his attitude.

"Because you do know that all he will ever want from you is a _fuck. _That's all he uses girls for. So don't go falling for any of his charming shit because he doesn't want you, just your fucking body." I glared back at him, trying not to snap at him but he was taking this too far.

"You're a jerk." I snapped.

"It's the fucking truth and you know it."

"Do you know what Jake? You can be a prick yourself sometimes and it's none of your business what I want." I spat before turning around and hurriedly walking away.

I passed the cafeteria and went straight for my truck. I climbed in and sat inside for the rest of lunch listening to the radio and trying not to think. I wasn't sure whether it was Jake's tone when he spoke to me or the fact of his words but I was hurt. I couldn't believe he said those things to me. I couldn't be sure to the measure of truth in his words but a part of me knew they were true to an extent. Edward was known for his ways. I knew he was using Lauren just for sex but a large part of me knows that Edward is not that way with me. He was nothing but arrogant and rude to me in the beginning. He never showed any sign of trying to impress me to get into my pants. He has just acted as himself and through that we have developed a bond... or whatever it is we have.

I took control over my emotions not wanting to let Jake get to me. A knew a big part of him was acting and speaking out of pure jealousy. He acts a little overprotective toward me but sometimes it can get a little out of hand.

I took a few deep breaths and climbed out of my truck to head to biology. I knew I had to face Edward but he was doing nothing but trying to protect me. I walked into class and found Edward already there, doodling in his book. He looked up when I reached the desk and searched my face intently.

"Hey, where were you?" He asked as I sat down.

"I just escaped to my truck after I spoke with Jake, I wasn't really in the mood to hang out with him."

"You seem upset." It wasn't a question. I chuckled uncomfortably. I didn't really want to tell him what Jake said. "I'm not sorry for what I said to him." He stated after I didn't answer his him. I turned to look at him. "And I know he is jealous of us hanging out, it is so fucking obvious." He added shaking his head.

"He is a little over protective with me sometimes."

"A little?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me.

"I know." I groaned.

"Do you realize he talks to you like a dick for someone who is over protective?"

"Can we really not talk about this, please?" I asked pleading with my eyes. He nodded in understanding and Mr. Molena walked in and started class. He reminded us our assignments were due on Thursday and everyone groaned. I chuckled quietly to myself. I was quite proud of Edward and I. We managed to do our assignment with no major problems and we're pretty much finished with it. We copied some notes and then were given a whole bunch of sheets that we went through and then had to answer some questions from but we were to do them in silence.

I was finishing off the last question when the bell finally rang and everyone began packing up their things.

"Hey, ah… are you coming to my place to study?" Edward asked.

"Um… there really is no need to. I mean we have pretty much finished it. All there is left to do is refine it and I can do that on my own." I couldn't help but notice a little disappointment on his face.

"Oh, that's fine." He said sounding nonchalant. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

I couldn't deny the disappointment that overtook me in that moment when it sunk in I wouldn't be seeing him after school for our little study session. I came to enjoy spending my afternoons in his bedroom.

"I guess you will." I smiled softly and headed off to gym.

Gym was uneventful other than the fact that I tripped a few times but that was expected. I headed out to my truck after school and found Jake waiting for me by my truck. I internally groaned as I wasn't ready to face him and his sick attitude.

"Hey Bella." He said as he leaned against the back of my truck.

I walked right past him without looking at him and went straight for the driver's side, opening the door and chucking my bag over to the passenger side.

"I know you're pissed at me." He said suddenly standing right behind me. I turned and looked up at him with a scowl.

"And?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I meant what I said. He is only after you for-"

"Jake!" I snapped.

"What?"

"You're not my father, I appreciate your concern for my well being but I'm a big girl and I can judge people for myself."

"I don't think you can. You're fragile, you don't handle-"

"I'm only fragile in your eyes… because you want to be my protector and I understand that but you have to let me make my own decisions. I'm better now, I can handle things better, I don't let things effect me anymore." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm myself down before I spoke again, "Look, I don't want to talk about it. You know this is a sensitive topic for me so can we just leave it at that?"

"So do you forgive me?" He asked pouting and holding his arms out for a hug.

"I forgive you but you need to loosen up a bit." I said hugging him. He hugged me tight, lifting me off my feet.

"Thanks Bella, you know I love you." He kissed the top of my head before letting me down.

"Me too."

"So, no study session today?"

"No, we've pretty much finished it."

"Can I come for dinner then?" He asked with a big grin. I punched him in the arm.

"You don't have to ask Jakey." I said rubbing my fist but trying to act like I was fine.

"You hurt your hand didn't you?" Jake smirked.

"No." I lied.

"You little fragile thing." He said ruffling my hair.

He headed off to his car soon after and promised to be at my place in an hour. I looked across the parking lot and saw Edward chatting with Paul and Jasper by his car. I sighed to myself at missing an afternoon with Edward. Maybe I should have lied and pretended there was something we needed to work on. I shook my head and climbed into my truck and headed home.

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**Are you all dancing around happily now that the whore is gone? :P I said to you it would be soon before she would be out. Next chapter we get Edward's POV of what happened that morning in the parking lot.**

**MHHT should be updated within the next three days or so, so keep posted. Not sure on the next update on this one, want to get MHHT out there but it should be maybe on Monday hopefull mwa!!**

**Show me the love and review!  
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	10. About Time

**A/N - Sorry its taken me this long to post but i really had to get the last chapter of MHHT posted. I've been working on it everyday at every chance i got over the last few days so i could have it posted. There is still the epilogue which should be posted within the next two weeks and then this story will have updates about two to three times a week!!**

**Thank you so much to all my readers, you dont know how much i appreciate your kindness in your reviews and just how much you all seem to be loving this story, things haven't even begun so stay tuned! I'm 99 reviews already, one off from 100 and that makes me happy to no end so thankyou so much again. I try to reply to all the reviews, especially those of you who have questions.**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me :(

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**EPOV**

I sat in my car flexing my fist and wincing from the pain. It hurt quite a bit, it was covered in blood and I seemed to have a few cuts over it from Tyler's fucking teeth but it was nothing that a little iodine and ice couldn't take care of, so I wasn't complaining. I've also had a lot worse than a few cuts in the past. I've fractured my wrist and dislocated a finger before from a bad punch, so this was nothing in comparison. I turned the ignition and drove toward my house. I knew Carlisle had the evening shift so I was grateful I wouldn't have to deal with his ass about the state of my hand and have to fucking explain myself. Hey, even if I do get caught, beating Tyler's fucking ass would be so fucking worth any shit I'd be put through by Carlisle. Emmett will most likely chuck a fit about my irresponsibility but I was more nervous about facing Bella. I knew she would probably look down on me for bashing the crap out of Tyler but I had to do it, someone had to stand up to him and put him in his fucking place. It was going to be sooner or later that my patience for him was going to fucking crumble and I'd lose it.

I pulled up into our drive way and got out of the car. I clutched my fist, trying to relieve some of the pain with some pressure. I managed to open the front door and to my surprise I came face to face with Bella. Her eyes zoned in on my bloody fist and she gasped. She began to fuss over it, reaching out to grab my hand gently to get a closer look. I was taken aback by her sincere concern. My hand within hers, her soft and gentle touch cradling my hand felt so good, it felt like all the pain was being erased away.

Despite how good it felt, I quickly withdrew my hand not wanting to make a big deal over it. I assured them it was nothing knowing it looked worse than it actually was, mainly so I wouldn't have to deal with Emmett's lecture. But I was unlucky… but what's new?

I placed my hand under some cold running water, trying to wash off the dried blood and let the cool water relieve some pain. I had to warn Emmett not to say anything to Carlisle. I knew he would probably be so pissed at me he would rat me out. I turned the water off and looked around for a fucking tea towel to dry off. But before I could look too much Bella was at my side with some paper towels.

"Let me do that." She said softly as she cradled my hand within her tiny one again and began dabbing it dry, trying not to hurt me. My heart flipped at her incredibly kind gesture. This girl was seriously doing weird shit to my heart. Butterflies started up in my stomach just from her simple touch… fucking _butterflies_. Who in the fuck feels butterflies just from a simple touch? Her touch was so soft and loving I couldn't tear my eyes away from her face, enjoying the way she was taking care of me. No one takes care of me like this, it's been so fucking long since I felt cared for like this and it felt fucking good, it just made her that much more beautiful. She was a fucking goddess.

A princess.

My princess.

_Mine_

Then she looked up at me, her incredibly warm chocolate eyes locked with mine and I felt sucked in, my heart began to beat furiously against my chest that I felt like it was about to fucking explode. Her eyes did wonders to me, there was such depth to them that I found I couldn't draw my gaze away from them, they sent an overwhelming calm through me, made me forget about all the shit I have going on and I feel like it is just me and her. This was seriously scaring the shit out of me, I've never felt this, I've never felt connected to any one, never felt sucked in with so much force that everything else around me disappears except for the warmth radiating off of her. Doesn't this shit only happen in the movies?

It wasn't until Emmett cleared his throat that I snapped out of it and actually remembered that we weren't alone. I snapped my gaze away from hers and focused back on my hand that was now clean of blood but had a few cuts on it and was swelling up slightly.

"I... I need to get some antiseptic on this." Bella said, her voice a little shaky. She must have felt it too, she had to. I can't be imagining this shit.

"I'll get you the first aid kit." Emmett offered walking off.

She let go of my hand as if Emmett's voice had snapped her out of some little daze she was in. My eyes focused back on hers, admiring her beauty, her ivory porcelain skin that was so clear and translucent it looked like it was fucking glowing. Her eyes… I could go on and on about her eyes and never have enough words to describe the shit they arise in me. My eyes found her lips, her pink plump lips and I found I involuntarily licked my own. There was nothing more I wanted than to feel her lips against mine, to have them mould against mine. I wanted to taste her, I wanted to see if she tasted as fucking good as she smelt.

She seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me when she spoke, her eyes fixated on my hands.

"This is going to need some ice once I have the cuts cleaned. Are you going to tell me what happened?" she asked snapping me out of my ogling. Her eyes finally looked up at me and I met them once again, feeling so much emotion radiating off them, my heart was going into fucking overdrive.

"I don't think I can." I answered quietly. I didn't want her to see me as more of an aggressive animal than I already was. I didn't want to disgust her. Luckily Emmett walked back in with the first aid kit, ending that conversation for the time being.

Bella opened the kit and wet a cotton ball with some alcohol and lifted my injured hand back into hers. That current shot through me once again but this time I didn't fight it or question it, I just reveled in it. She began dabbing my cuts clean, once again with her tender soft touch, obviously trying not to hurt me.

"You don't have to do this you know." I said not wanting her to feel obligated to care for me. I should be the one caring for her. I wanted to care for her, to be the one to take any worries she might have away. I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be good enough for her.

She looked up at me as soon as the words left my mouth and her gaze was as gentle and soft as her touch. "I… I want to." she said looking away again. I felt like I got cut whenever she looked away, like when we looked at each other there was a current pulsing through us just through our eyes.

She finished and walked over to the trash to throw away the soiled cotton ball. And for the life of me I couldn't tear my eyes away from her, away from the beauty she radiated. Away from her sexy as fuck body. I had to admit she was a little thin but she was in proportion to her height I guess, and her ass looked tight and small, my hands twitched to cup each mound within my palms and give them a light squeeze.

Once she had the cuts covered with band aids, she walked over to the freezer and grabbed an ice pack and wrapped it in a tea towel and walked back over to me, placing it over my knuckles. She ordered me to hold the icepack over my hand till the swelling died down and I couldn't help the dirty thoughts that overcame me when she ordered me around like that. I wonder if she would ever be up for a game of doctors and nurses. Although I would gladly be her patient where she can do whatever the fuck she wants to me. I'd want her prancing around in a really short tight white dress with a red cross over her the side of her chest, her cleavage straining over the material in around her chest, her hair out in all its wavy mahogany glory, cascading down her shoulders.

Fuck! My dick was suddenly hard as a fucking rock, straining against my fucking denim.

"What?" She asked me after noticing I was eyeing the fuck out of her.

"Nothing." I answered quickly looking away and turning so she wouldn't notice the straining bulge in my crotch and took a deep breath. I offered to watch some TV, hoping to clear my mind and kill my erection.

She happily agreed and we sat down on the couch and I sat quite close to her even though I was trying to kill my erection. I felt like I couldn't bear to be too far away from her, I wanted to smell her, I wanted to feel the beauty she radiated around her.

After a few minutes of channel flicking she asked me if I was ready to tell her what happened. I contemplated just how much I wanted to tell her. I trusted her not to tell anyone, I just didn't want her to look down upon me. So I told her I wasn't sure I really wanted to tell her.

Then she fucking comes out and says that she won't judge me and that she thought we established that the day before in the meadow. How do I fucking not tell her then, after saying she won't judge me? I really didn't deserve her understanding. She was too fucking nice to me. I smiled crookedly at her, just beaming on the inside at her understanding.

"Well… let's just say that Tyler won't be fucking with me anytime soon." I answered with a smirk.

"You…you hit him?" She asked in disbelief. I felt my chest tighten at the fact she seemed disgusted with me but I tried to keep my tone light when I answered her.

I explained that Tyler had it coming with his arrogance and fucking attitude. I explained what happened in gym and how that was my last fucking straw and I was determined to put him in his fucking place.

She asked about Tyler, sounding quite terrified. I assured her he was fine. Then she goes and tells me that she was glad I was ok. My heart skipped a fucking beat when I realized how genuine she was. She really did seem to care for me, even though I was the one causing the damage to the prick. This girl just kept sending me into a whirlwind of emotions. I was really falling for her. When I questioned her, she blushed the deepest shade of red, obviously realizing what she admitted. I explained that I got him to apologize for the cafeteria incident and she seemed surprised for some reason but thanked me anyway. I wasn't going to put up with a prick disrespecting her like that. I felt fucking protective over her, I felt like it was my job to make sure she was always safe and no one fucked with her.

We ended up heading upstairs to work on the assignment. She offered to do all the work but I wasn't going to allow that, she had already pretty much done more than half the work. She turned my computer on while I turned some music on. I internally smiled to myself as I realized this had become quite the routine, familiar, just hanging out in my room as friends. If that was all I could get from her, I would be more than happy.

I worked on the diagram as she typed up the assignment. We talked comfortably and I enjoyed the fact that she was a girl I could talk to. A girl I could have a proper conversation with that actually held some weight and depth, it was refreshing.

It was an hour and a half later that she decided to stop, rubbing her hands over her face, she looked really tired it was so fucking adorable I chuckled to myself, just enjoying her presence. She turned to me when she heard me with raised eyebrows, silently asking me what I found amusing.

"It's just… you look so adorable when you're tired like that."

She froze instantly, her reaction surprising me. I had just given her a compliment and judging by her reaction she hadn't taken it all too well. I meant it though. She was adorable, she was more than adorable she was absolutely beautiful, stunning, a goddess… there weren't enough words to describe just how perfect she was to me.

She continued to stare at me and I just stared back. I wasn't sure what to do. Do I deny it to avoid any awkwardness this might have caused? Or do I just pretend like it didn't happen? Going by her stunned expression I just decided to let it pass, pretend that I hadn't said anything, so I broke our eye contact and got up from my bed and walked over to my stereo and began scanning through some CDs, anything to keep me busy and stop me from looking at her.

I think I may have just made things worse…

After a few moments, I heard her finally get up and start shuffling around and then stated she was going to head home. I turned around, disappointed with myself for fucking up a good time. I didn't want her to go so I told her she didn't have to go.

Once she resumed packing her things and stating that she had to head home to make dinner, I could tell there was fucking tension in air, you could cut it with a knife. I realized ignoring it was just making it fucking worse, it was hanging in the air, waiting to be fucking acknowledged, so I did the next thing I thought that would erase my stupidity… apologize… well not technically but close enough. I was nervous at having to do it, at having to admit what I said, my hands were fucking raking through my hair like a guy with god damn knits… it was a nervous tick I had that I couldn't fucking help.

"Things aren't awkward. You didn't say anything wrong." She assured me. I wasn't sure whether she was just trying to make me feel better or not but either way she seemed to be ok about it.

I followed her down stairs and watched her get in her truck. I walked back into the house shaking my head at my stupidity. I tried not to think about it because I knew the more I thought about it the more tense I was going to get about it.

I went into the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. I opened up the fridge and scanned through it… I couldn't find anything that I felt like having so I shut it in frustration and walked into the pantry. I pulled out a pack of chips and opened that up. Just as I about to put my hand in to grab some it was snatched out of my hands.

"Fuck." I spun around and found Emmett who snickered as he shoved his hand in, pulling out a handful of chips and shoving them greedily into his mouth.

"That was mine fucker." I said snatching the bag back from him.

"I'm hungry." He whined as he walked over to the fridge and scanned through it just like I had done. "I might make some noodles."

"Make me some too then." I said sitting myself on a kitchen stool.

"Get fucked." He said as he disappeared into the walk in pantry.

"Fuck you Shrek, make me some."

"Shrek?" He asked walking back out of the pantry with raised eyebrows. He had two packs of noodles in his hands.

"Yes, Shrek. You're an ogre." I smirked. He shrugged his shoulders and then looked at me with a mischievous smile.

"I'll make you some noodles under one condition…" He offered as he ripped the packs open and threw the noodles cakes into the saucepan.

"And what's that?" I asked sounding bored.

"What's going on with you and Isabella?"

"It's Bella." I corrected a little passionately.

"Bella? There you go, I got you right there. You have feelings for her." He stated not asking.

"What makes you say that?" I asked irritated as I grabbed another handful of chips and munched on them.

"Because you wouldn't have cared whether I called her Bella or Isabella. You never care about shit like that. I know you Edward… I'm your big bear brother remember? I know these kinds of shit."

"The only shit you should know at this fucking moment is how to make me some noodles."

"You still haven't answered me." He said pouring some hot water over them and turning the heat on.

"I have nothing to answer for. There is nothing going on. I have no fucking idea what the fuck you're going on about. Now if you don't mind I'm hungry so get cooking." I said before grabbing my chips and headed into the lounge and slumping myself on the couch in front of the TV.

Lucky for him, ten minutes later Emmett walked out with two bowls of noodles. I tried to look past the fact that his bowl was fuller than mine. His noodles were fucking almost overflowing while mine weren't, oh well, beggars can't be fucking choosers.

"So?" Emmett spoke after a long silence.

"So what?" I asked confused as I sat my empty bowl on the coffee table in front of me.

"Your hands?"

"They're fine." I answered with a shrug like it was no big deal. Well it wasn't. At least to me it wasn't… to Emmett, yes a very big deal.

"Like I said before and I'll say it again, I didn't fucking ask about the state of your hands, I'm fucking asking how they got that way. Now you either tell me what happened or I'm going to fucking yell it to Carlisle to make sure it is fucking ingrained into his head."

"Well, that would just make you a dick head of a brother." I retorted immaturely.

"Maybe because I am. Spill dickward."

"I fucking bashed the shit out of Crowley till he was a pulp of shit at my feet. Why did I do that I hear you silently asking me? Because he was annoying the fuck out of me. Why was he annoying the fuck out of me? Because he is a fucking dickhead who likes to push people to their fucking limits and thinks he can get away with it. Do I regret it? Not an ounce. Did I enjoy it? Fuck yeah. Now if you'll excuse me, my bedroom is calling me." I replied in almost one fucking breath hoping that answered all the questions that were floating around in that hollow head of his.

I got up from the couch and took my bowl to the sink and washed it as best I could, because to be honest, there was nothing more I hated than washing dishes. It was one bowl, big deal but I hated it that shit, so the job never got more pleasant.

Once I placed it in the dish rack, I turned and almost ran into Emmett who was standing right behind me, with his arms crossed over his chest that he had puffed out so that he looked intimidating. It wasn't working. He may have a little more muscle than me but we were the same height so his 'towering' effect that he thinks he has just doesn't work on me.

"Where did you beat him up?" He asked.

"When did you become the fucking interrogator?" I asked in annoyance as I pushed past him. He followed me upstairs.

"Since I became your big brother. Hey, you know I don't appreciate you doing the shit you did considering the last thing I want is for you to move to Chicago but I have to admit that shit head had it coming." I turned around to eye him with narrowed eyes but found him grinning. He meant every word. I smirked at him.

"It felt fucking good too."

"I bet… but don't do it again." He said, his face going all serious on me again.

"Want a blunt?"

"Always." He grinned again, his dimples in his cheeks overpowering the 'intimidating' effect he tries to work for.

I got into school the next day desperate to see Bella again. She was becoming an addiction, I felt like a fucking alcoholic who needed their fix of the finest alcohol there was. The girl was trapped in my mind. She was all I could think about, all I could see whenever I closed my eyes. That's why the first thing I did when I entered the parking lot was scan for her big red truck, it was never hard to find. I found her truck parked in its usual place and I couldn't help the smile that made its way over my features. I quickly pulled my car into park, not really caring how it was parked, I was just anxious to see my girl. I jumped out of my car, grabbed my book bag and slammed the door shut. I locked it with my remote as I began heading toward her truck and that was when I noticed Lauren's car parked beside hers. I internally groaned for two fucking reasons. First, I was over Lauren and her whining bull shit and really wasn't in the mood to deal with her shit. And second, I knew if they were talking to each other it wouldn't be anything pleasant. Lauren could be a fucking nasty bitch to Bella and Bella wasn't the type to handle that kind of treatment well. I hurried my steps to get to them quicker and as I got closer I noticed Bella looked visibly upset, my heart sank. Lauren was really going to hear it from me.

"Lauren." I said coldly once I was within hearing distance, although my eyes were fixed on the beautiful princess in front of me, she looked upset and I felt like torturing Lauren for causing Bella to feel like that.

"Eddie, baby." Lauren exclaimed as she ran up to me and threw herself in my arms. I tried pushing her away because I seriously wasn't in the mood for her. Bella avoided looking at me as she rushed past me, walking off.

"Bella." I called her as I pulled myself out of Lauren's grip. But she kept walking, she seemed to hesitate slightly but she kept going. I ran my hands through my hair, tugging the ends in anger. I couldn't lose it, not now, not here.

I spun back around to Lauren, glaring at her. "What the fuck did you say to her?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Nothing, she is an oversensitive bitch that's all." Lauren laughed as she walked back up to me. "Now, I can see you're a little upset, why don't we go and help release that pent up frustration, hmm?" She suggested seductively.

I took a step back away from her, "First of all, don't you ever fucking call her a bitch because to be quite honest the only fucking bitch in this situation is standing in front of me thinking she is some big shit." I said, my tone cold and hard. I had to fight back a smirk as her face contorted in a mix of anger, hurt and rejection.

"You're being a real jerk you know that?" She asked with a glare. I smirked at her this time.

"That's me… Edward fucking Cullen, I can be a real jerk at times." Her facial expression was priceless. I leaned up to her, till my lips were at her ear, "And this is one of those times. Unfortunately for you, you may have sucked my cock, but you won't ever get the fucking privilege of riding it."

I smirked to myself as I pulled back and brushed past her. I only made it a few steps before she snapped out of her stunned stupor and called out to me.

"Are you breaking up with me?" She asked in disbelief like that was the most impossible thing. I halted my steps and turned back to her.

"Well, for me to be breaking up with you, I would have had to been _dating _you, and if I think correctly, we weren't dating. You were just sucking me off." Without waiting for her to answer or to see her reaction, I spun back around and headed off to class feeling relieved and quite happy with how that went.

My first half of the day went by fine and uneventful. I noticed Tyler wasn't at school. I obviously fucked him up more than I thought but I was fine with that, he got every fucking punch he deserved. Lunch rolled around and I still hadn't seen Bella and I was concerned about her after this morning. I wanted to see if she was ok so I decided I would best catch her at her locker.

As soon as she appeared I fucking felt my heart fucking speed up like there was a fucking race going on within it. I tried to keep my composure as my mouth threatened to curl up into a grin. She was so fucking beautiful it was painful. Her hair made her look like a goddess. Her long waves that she let cascade down her shoulders were fucking sexy as hell. I couldn't wait to see her hair like that around her bare shoulders. I instantly felt my dick waking up and I had to push away any more thoughts of Bella nude out of my sex crazed mind. But that was fucking useless because just her presence and her scent… her fucking strawberries and vanilla, that made her smell all sweet and fluffy like a cupcake was enough to get my dick stirring within my pants.

After confronting her about his morning she tried to play if off like it was no big deal as apparently Lauren's hostility toward her wasn't anything foreign which I was well aware of but I hated the fact that it didn't bother her. What seemed to put a shit eating grin on her face which by the way she failed miserably at hiding was the fact that I broke up with Lauren. I hadn't expected that kind of reaction from her and I actually found it quite amusing.

We made our way to the cafeteria side by side and to our table where I saw Jacob and Seth were the only ones there. Jacob glared at me and I swear I wait for it each time since he does it every single time he lays his eyes on me. I almost count it down in my head, 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . and cue the mother fucking glare.

What happened next definitely was not something that I had expected.

"Why don't you just pull them out and get it over with." I heard Bella mutter under her breath. I stood frozen in shock as I would have never expected her to be so blunt and say something like that. I wasn't even sure if she meant for us to hear it considering she murmured it but obviously it came out loud enough for all of us to hear.

Before I could think much of it though, Jacob snapped at her, "What the fuck did you just say?"

I almost fucking lost it, "Hey! Watch how you fucking talk to her." I snapped. I could feel my blood boiling and it was taking everything in me not to punch the fucker straight into the nose because no one speaks to Bella like that. Some fucking friend he is.

But he had the decency to retort back, "Don't you fucking tell me what to do." He aggressively jumped out of his seat sending it flying backwards. I was going to wait for him to do it. Let him make the first move, any little sign that he might go for it I was going to let it all out, showing no fucking mercy because this dick head has been grating on my nerves since day one and all I needed was a little sign from him and he was a mother fucking goner.

"Well then maybe you should watch what comes out of your fucking mouth when you talk to a girl."

Seth got up to try and hold Jacob back but I wish he hadn't. I wanted Jacob to attempt a punch, he may be taller than me and fucking well built but I could take him, I wanted to take him. I wanted to see the blood pouring from his face as he cried out in agony.

Bella asked us to sit down but neither one of us even acknowledged her. It was just me and him, in a fucking staring match. My hands were clenched into fists by my sides just waiting for any indication to go flying for Jacob.

Jacob began inching closer toward me but I stayed where I was and I was beginning to think that if he just got close enough I wouldn't need any more encouragement… I would just go for it because to be honest, I was dying for it. I _needed_ to punch the shit out of him and let out my frustrations at him.

Bella clutched onto my forearm and as soon as her hand made contact with my arm I felt a strong jolt of electricity shoot through me. She snapped her hand away and I assumed she must have felt it too. That was fucking weird. I looked down at her with a questioning stare but she looked just as confused as me.

"You know, you think you are some cool shit walking around like you fucking own the place. You're nothing but a rich arrogant ass hole that has no respect toward anybody. So why don't you just scurry off where the fuck you came from and do us all a fucking favor." Jake sneered snapping my attention back to him. I was about to throw a punch when Emmett's voice snapped me out of it.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked as he approached with Jasper, Alice and Rosalie.

"Stay out of it Emmett." I warned him. I didn't need him to constantly come to my rescue.

"Edward, why don't you come with me?" He tried again by grabbing onto my shoulder but I shrugged him off.

"I'm not going to touch him Emmett so calm the fuck down."

Bella went to stand beside Jacob and whispered something into his ear, I couldn't make out all the words and the only thing I could make out was, 'can you stop?'

He seemed pissed and asked her why and even asked if it was because she didn't want him to hurt me. I laughed out loud.

"You won't fucking hurt me."

"Edward." Emmett said sternly, pulling me by the arm again. I was about to snap at Emmett to leave me the fuck alone till Japer whispered into my ear.

"Drop it Edward, Bella is getting upset."

I looked over at Bella and realized he was right and that was the last thing I wanted. I had been so caught up in my own shit that I forgot she was probably finding this uncomfortable.

But before I could back down, Bella was finally able to pull Jake away and out of the cafeteria. He hesitated a little before he did, looking completely unimpressed but eventually scurried after her.

I ran my hands through my hair as I watched them walk off. I punched the table in front of me and kicked my chair out of the way.

"The fucking dick head is really grating on my nerves." I seethed.

"I know, just sit down and try to calm down." Emmett said as they all took their seats at the table. I could feel them all staring at me.

"Stop fucking staring." I snapped at them. Emmett glared at me and I assumed it was because I snapped at Rosalie and Alice. I couldn't really give a shit in that moment.

"I need a fucking smoke." I said raking my fingers through my hair anxiously.

"Just sit down will you?" Emmett said sounding aggravated suddenly.

"Stop telling me to sit down, I can't fucking sit down."

"He is just a little protective over her, you know?" Jasper offered.

"I didn't do anything. As soon as I walked into the cafeteria he fucking gave me the death glare. It wasn't until Bella commented about it that he snapped at her which caused me to snap at him, no one disrespects her." I said.

Everyone went quiet and I looked over at the four pairs of eyes as they all studied me closely. I realized that I sounded a little protective over Bella myself. I ignored their stares and finally sat down. They all began talking after a while and I didn't even bother listening to them. I kept my eyes on the doorway just waiting for Bella to walk back in but she didn't. I felt like going to look for her, but I knew if she was still with Jacob I definitely would lose it.

"Can I speak to you?" My head snapped up to find Lauren standing beside me, looking down at me with hopeful eyes.

"I'm not in the mood for any bullshit at the moment so-"

"Please?" She pleaded cutting me off.

"Go ahead."

"Alone." She pressed. I rolled my eyes before snapping out of my seat in frustration and headed for the exit. I walked through the hallways, not bothering to wait for her to catch up but the sound of her heels pattering along the floor close behind me was enough to acknowledge her presence. I kept walking till I reached the back of the school and out to the car park . . . I was fucking dying for a smoke.

I stepped outside into the cool air and waited for her to catch up. I began fiddling with my fingers impatiently, just needing my fucking nicotine fix to help calm the aggravation coursing through me. She stood in front of me, she was looking at me and I was looking behind her, I really didn't feel like looking at her.

I waited for her to speak first.

"You didn't mean what you said this morning right?" She asked sounding nervous. My eyes flitted to hers finally. Was she serious?

"What more do I need to say to convince you, if what I said this morning wasn't obviously convincing enough?"

"Why?"

"Why fucking what Lauren?"

"Is it because of Bella?"

"Lauren, let me get one thing into that thick small useless brain of yours, we were never _together._ You were never my girlfriend, I don't fucking have girlfriends, I've _never had_ a girlfriend." She went silent as she digested my words . . . I really didn't have it in me to feel the slightest bit of guilt.

"Well, fuck you Edward Cullen." She spat.

"It's better than fucking you darling." I smirked before making my way back to the cafeteria, leaving her rejected ass behind.

I was hoping for her sake that was the last I was going to hear from her. She was nothing but a fuck . . . well considering I never actually _did _fuck her she wasn't even that.

The part of me that I had been trying to push down to a far away place never to be seen again was fighting to be acknowledged. I wanted Bella. There, I said it. And I'm not talking as friends. I _wanted_ her. I wanted to kiss her, to touch her, to hug her and to fucking cherish her like she deserved to be cherished. I wanted her to be mine in every way. I'd been trying to avoid it for too long now, trying to deny what I felt for her because I knew I wasn't good enough for her and to be perfectly honest, I know I will fucking hurt her unintentionally. That's just who I am, it's engraved deep within me, its something I can't change even if I wanted to. But the fact of the matter is I fucking want Isabella Swan to be _mine_. I just had no fucking idea how I was going to go about doing it. I knew she found me attractive and to be honest without sounding arrogant even though I am, everyone fucking finds me attractive so I can't really base my judgments on her feelings for me through that. She has seen enough of my nasty side to want nothing to do with me emotionally.

_Emotionally_?

_Really Edward? _

Fuck yes, emotionally. I'm all about mother fucking emotions now. I haven't really let my emotions be the fore front of my decision making in the past couple of years because we all know once emotions get in the way, things can get painful to the point of no return. Everyone can fucking handle physical pain, some better than others. Physical pain is temporary. Physical pain wears off, dies off and diminishes after a set amount of time. Emotional pain is a lot harder. Once you allow yourself emotional attachment to something and then it is fucking destroyed or taken away from you, the pain that you feel seethes within your heart and within your mind and it is a mother fucking bitch. It can become unbearable. It eats you alive. It takes away your ability to live normally, to make decisions rationally, to continue living. Emotional pain disables you from life. You close yourself off and you become numb. Me out of all fucking people know this and I could write a god damn fucking essay on the shit and pass with flying colors.

So that's why I'm almost fucking terrified of trying to pursue Bella in a way I have never fucking pursued anyone before. I have never had a girlfriend and that is by choice. I've had fucks, some good and some bad and some average. I fuck and say good bye and the girls back in Seattle knew they were nothing but. I had an agreement with about three of them. They knew they were nothing more and they were happy to oblige. There was never touching, kissing, compliments. It was in and out and good bye. I had the occasional ones that I found attractive that I had to use my charm on. I didn't date them. I've never taken a girl on a date. I'd just compliment them like all fucking girls like to be complimented. You know, tell them they look sexy, they look hot, anything to boost their self confidence and to make me look _sweet_. _Geez, that is so not me_. Once I've gained a little trust I'd start by kissing them, letting them hand themselves over to me physically, slowly. And then before I know it, they would be screaming my name in fucking ecstasy. It was that fucking simple. So really, when it comes to trying to charm a girl to like you and not for the physical aspect of it but for the emotional aspect of it so I can date her, I was flying blind. I had no idea which was left or which was right.

Once the bell sounded I hurried inside to grab my shit for biology. I made it into biology and took my seat. Once Bella arrived and sat down I noticed she seemed a little upset and I was hoping it wasn't because of me. Well, I was sure I had some part to play in it but I was hoping she would understand I was just standing up for her, and I told her, saying I wasn't sorry and that Jacob was just fucking jealous of us hanging out. After claiming he was just being over protective I scoffed. He didn't fucking talk to her like someone who was overprotective.

I was hoping that we would get the chance to hang out and work on the assignment at my place but she didn't find the need for it as we had apparently pretty much finished it. So after school I met Jasper at my car and he agreed he would come by my place to hang out.

"You know I love her, she's my sister and I know she is a girl and has fucking needs but I really don't need to hear about it." Jasper said shaking his head in disgust. "Especially when she is dating my friend." He added. I snickered at his expression as Emmett smirked. Emmett had the tendency to give too much information about his bed room activities.

"I haven't slept with her yet if that's what you're worried about." Em defended.

"Keyword is _yet _Jazz. Keep that in mind." I laughed.

"Both of you shut up." He snapped. It was funny seeing Jazz get angry because in the almost three weeks I've known him, I've never seen him lose his cool. He is always so cool, calm and collected.

"Fine I'll shut it." Emmett said holding his hands up. He reached over to the coffee table and grabbed the bowl of chips he had put.

We heard the front door open and close quietly before Carlisle appeared in the door way. He must have just gotten back from work, dressed in his black slacks, white button down shirt and blue tie. He looked drained and tired. He had been working over time in the last few days.

"Good afternoon boys." He greeted, his voice drained too.

"I'm Jasper, nice to meet you." Jasper said standing up and holding his hand out for Carlisle. My eyebrows shot up at how gentlemanly Jasper could be.

"Nice to meet you too." Carlisle said taking his hand. "I have to head back into work in a few hours so you boys are going to have to fix yourselves dinner.

"Pizza it is." Emmett grinned.

"Well, I'll just be in my office." Carlisle nodded before retreating down the hall.

I began flicking through the channels trying to find something the least bit entertaining to watch.

"This your mother?" Jasper asked pointing to a frame sitting on a side table against the wall. My eyes snapped to the photo, lingering there for a moment too long before returning my attention back to the TV.

"Ah, yeah." Emmett replied cautiously. I could feel his eyes on me.

"Oh," Jasper must have noticed the tension as I could see him staring at me too. I huffed in frustration and stood up, walking outside to the yard needing to escape the sympathy. I lit up a cigarette and tried to fight back the anger boiling up inside of me.

I knew Jasper was just curious, it wasn't his fault but it was a topic that I don't like to talk about. Emmett knew that and that's why his response was cautious. It was cautious because of me, studying my reaction. And I hated it. I avoided the topic at all costs and that's why there aren't any pictures except the one of her in the house. It was too painful.

Once my drag was finished I headed back inside relieved to find Jasper and Emmett were on a more cheerful topic as they both were laughing about something. I slumped myself back on the couch and kicked my feet up onto the coffee table.

Jasper spent the rest of the evening at our place. We ordered some pizza and had a few beers while we lounged in front of the TV just hanging out and mucking around. Well, they had a few beers I needed something stronger so I just had my Stoli.

Jasper left for home just before eight to go visit Alice for a bit. Emmett disappeared, presumably to see Rosalie and I just spent the night in my room. I stayed up late, listening to music and working on the homework I had postponed from two days ago. By the time I went to sleep it was midnight.

That last thing I remember seeing was a pair of warm brown eyes.

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**Will try to have next chapter by sunday which is probably saturday for most of you if you live in the northern hemisphere :P**

**Any questions or comments...let me know.**

**Next chapter is really long. This one wasn't so much but you'll get the length in the next two chapters...: )  
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	11. Alone Time and Accusations

**A/N- Back with Chapter 11 and would like to thank everyone once again for reading this story and giving it a chance!**

**This week I got a new Beta, luv4jake. She was great enough to offer to beta this story for me and has done a great job so far! Thank you so much.**

**The links to their outfits are on my profile page as well as some other links for the story.**

**Long chapter...almost 13000 words, next chapter is even longer, hope you all don't mind.**

**Virtual family mwa!! Love you all to bits.**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight... I think we have established that by now, right?

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**BPOV**

Most people find relief once an assignment is finished and done. They find even more relief once they hand it in to their teacher because it's out of their hands and there is nothing left for them to do. You worked your hardest and you hand it in for grading, wishing and hoping that you have achieved a good enough grade. But I don't feel like that today… at all. As I sit here and clutch the completed assignment within my hands all I can think about is one thing.

Edward.

What does Edward have to do with handing in a completed assignment? Well, the fact that it is completed is the most disappointing part for me. If I could have stretched out this assignment for the rest of the year, I would have. I would have stretched out the time just so it would give me more time to spend with him. One on one time… Time to ourselves where we seem to find comfort in one another's company… Time where we talk, chat and listen to music and discuss almost everything there is. We don't have everything in common, there a few things that we like differently but that's what I love about it, the fact that I could learn from him and he could learn from me. But you see, that alone time has come to an end because the only reason that time was feasible for the both of us was because we had an assignment to execute. That assignment forced us together, forced us to put aside the differences we had in the beginning and talk like civilized people. And once we were able to do that, I found I couldn't get enough of him. He was everything I never wanted in a guy. But now, he was everything I wanted… because I wanted him… him and only him.

"Can I please have your assignments on my desk please?" Mr. Molena called as soon as he entered the lab snapping me out of my reverie. I sighed.

"Want me to do it?" Edward offered holding his hand out for the assignment.

"Ok," I agreed as I handed it to him.

He got up from his seat and walked to the front of the class to place the bulky assignment on Mr. Molena's desk. I focused on his ass. On his narrow hips that barely held up the pair of distressed jeans that hung low. His white and blue high top Nikes. His blue t-shirt with white Abercrombie zip–up hoodie on top. He looked just like a super model. He nonchalantly threw the assignment onto Mr. Molena's desk and then turned back around to walk back to our bench. His hair was a little tamed today. He had it brushed back away from his face but it was still a wayward of strands. He looked beyond sexy.

I looked down and onto the book in front of me so he wouldn't catch me staring at him. Although he has caught me staring more times than I would like to admit over the past couple of weeks.

"I think we did well." He stated confidently as he took his seat.

"Let's hope so."

"I know we did." He said seriously, "You tackled that shit without hesitation and when I went through it I was impressed and I actually realized I hadn't done much of it myself." He chuckled lightly.

"That's ok, it was still a team effort. You did great." I answered as I turned to look at him. He gave his crooked grin and I felt my heart stutter at the beautiful sight that I had to look away.

Mr. Molena called the class to order and had us copy a whole bunch of notes off the board. I was stealing glances in Edward's direction from the corner of my eye the whole time, I couldn't help it. He smelt great. He had this cologne that he always used, it was a little spicy but smooth and sweet at the same time. I loved it. I craved it.

Once class was finished, I felt disenchanted because I didn't want to leave. It would be safe to say that I have become addicted to the time I have spent with Edward. I loved his company, I loved our times in his room and I had to fight back the disappointment I felt building up inside of me when I realized I probably wouldn't have that opportunity again. We were just going to be biology partners… period.

"What are you doing after school?" Edward asked casually as he gathered his notes and books and began shoving them in his bag.

"Just going home… Jake might come over for dinner." As soon as I mentioned Jake I regretted it. I knew Edward didn't like Jacob so there really was no reason to mention him.

"Cool." He said sounding not cool about it what so ever.

"You?"

"Just going home." He said shrugging.

We both stood there staring at each other for a few moments. I was thinking of how things have changed, how I feel lost now that I have no plans with him after school. It was sort of stupid of me because it had only been 2 weeks of us working on this assignment. But it had become such a routine, a routine I looked forward to more than anything, so now to think that was over, I did feel kinda lost. I wasn't sure what was going through his mind but he seemed deep in thought. I wasn't sure how long we stood there just staring at each other till Mike snapped us out of it.

"Bella."

"Hey, Mike." I said drawing my attention from Edward's angel face to Mike.

"That assignment was pretty tough huh?"

"I thought it was ok." I said without thinking. I just made him feel like an idiot. "Edward was a big help." I corrected so I wouldn't sound conceited.

Mike's eyes flickered to Edward in surprise while Edward looked over at me with a smirk.

"So, I'm going to head off to gym." I stated breaking the awkward silence.

"I'll walk you." Mike offered with a smile.

"Sure." I turned to Edward and hated that I wasn't sure when I would see him again. I knew most likely it would be tomorrow. "Bye Edward." I smiled with a little wave.

"Bye Bella." He said in a very smooth velvety voice. I felt my breathing pick up as the words escaped his perfect lips. I stared at him for a second too long before snapping myself out of it and heading out with Mike.

Gym was uneventful and boring. There were uneven numbers for a game of volleyball so I volunteered to sit out much to the relief of the other students. I would have just obliterated their chance of a win.

Rosalie was waiting for me at my locker after gym.

"Hey, what are you up to now?" She asked as I opened my locker and pulled out my book bag.

"Just home, Jake is coming over for dinner. Want to come?" I offered.

"Sounds cool, what are you making?"

"Don't know yet. What do you feel like?"

"You know me, I'm not picky."

"Ok, well how bout we go to the store because I need to pick up a few things from there before I go home."

"Alright, well I rode with Jasper so I'll just come with you in your truck."

"Great."

We walked out to the parking lot with our arms linked together and headed over to my truck where Jake was waiting.

"We're going to the store and Rosie is coming for dinner too." I stated to Jake as I headed to the driver's side and threw my bag onto the floor between the two front seats.

"Ok, well how bout I meet you at your place?" Jake suggested.

"Sure."

"Alrighty, see you then." He said before heading over to his Volvo c30. It was an old model but he was only driving it until he could start driving his Rabbit.

"Rose, Bella." Rosalie and I turned to find Alice hurrying over to us with Jasper by her side.

"Hey, where are you guys going?"

"Rosalie and Jake are coming for dinner, want to join?" I offered.

"I'm heading over to Jasper's. But how bout we go to dinner tomorrow night?" Alice suggested.

"Sounds cool."

"Ok, see you tomorrow." We both gave her a hug as I gave Jazz a hug also. They headed over to Jazz's car as Rosalie and I got into my truck and headed to the grocery store.

Once we finished from the grocery store, we headed back to my place where Jake was already waiting. I started on the lasagna and Rosalie helped me out a bit while Jake just picked at the ingredients. I had to end up chopping more carrot because he ate them all.

Once I had it in the oven I cleaned up the kitchen and then we settled in front of the TV with some drinks.

"I've got a date with Emmett on Saturday night." Rosalie said as she traced her finger around the rim of her cup.

"Yeah? Where are you going?" I asked.

"Don't know yet, we might just go and see a movie."

"Have you slept with him yet?" Jake asked. Rosalie shook her head.

"I really want to though. I mean, we have fooled around." She explained. "And if it wasn't for what Derek did to me I probably would have the first week. I'm really trying to not let myself fall in deep this early but he is unlike any other guy I've dated."

"He is great. He seems to really, really like you. I can tell." I stated. "Just do what makes you comfortable, just remember Emmett is different."

"I'm surprised he's even waited." Jake said. Rosalie and I turned to look at him in shock. "What? Its true, guys just don't wait for a girl to be ready."

"If you really like a girl you'd wait though." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Maybe, well I haven't come across a girl yet that I waited for."

"You're just selfish." I muttered.

"I heard that. And I have needs, I'm a fucking teenager, my hormones are all over the place, it makes me horny. And those needs need to be fulfilled somehow."

"But you can't just use a girl for sex." I stated slightly offended.

"Well, if she is willing…" He shrugged.

He was right and I knew it, I just didn't like the thought of it. But there were girls that were willing like, Lauren, Tanya and Kate. They were known for it.

"Well, Emmett is waiting and he said I can take all the time in the world." Rosalie said sounding defensive and irritated.

"That's bull shit." Jake retorted.

"Shut up Jake, you're just a horny asshole."

"I agree." He laughed.

Phil arrived about ten minutes later followed my Renee not long after. We all sat down for dinner, the lasagna was demolished within a minute and there was only a piece left over thanks to Jake. I gave it to him to take home to Billy but something tells me it wouldn't make it to Billy in time.

Jake and Rosalie left a little while later. I did my homework and watched a little TV before going to bed early.

The next two weeks flew by pretty much the same. Jake would come over a few times a week for dinner and then we'd hang out in my room and do homework together. The only time I got that was partially 'one on one' with Edward was during biology. Lunch time we would talk briefly but never about anything major, just whatever everyone else was talking about. It was hard to keep both Jake and Edward happy which I found ridiculous, well it was more trying to keep Jake happy. Whenever I'd speak to Edward Jake would get visibly upset but I just tried to ignore it. They avoided each other like the plague which I figured was for the best. They would even avoid eye contact if they could from what I noticed but when they did catch each other's eye, Jake would glare or smirk while Edward would look away. I could tell it was taking a lot of Edward's restraint to remain calm. His jaw would clench tight and his hands would ball into fists, I pretended not to notice.

"Hey Jazz," I greeted as I walked over to him as he climbed out of his car.

"Bella, hey."

"Where's Rose?"

"She said something about Emmett picking her up for school."

"That's right." I remembered.

Rosalie and Emmett's relationship was in full swing now. She gave in and slept with him on the date night they had gone on, on that Saturday night and she was glad she did, apparently he was amazing. They both seemed happy and comfortable with each other and they spent almost every waking moment together now. I was glad to see Rose had found someone who could finally respect her.

Edward even admitted to me once during biology that he'd hear them sometimes when he was at home. He didn't seem happy about it at all and stated he would have to the blare the music from his stereo so he wouldn't hear them. I just laughed because Rosalie was really comfortable in her skin so that was no surprise to me.

I waited for Jasper to grab his stuff and then we headed to class together, talking casually as we walked. Jasper was a great guy, really considerate, compassionate, kind and loving. He loved Alice with every ounce he had and had so much respect for her. I had a lot of respect for him too and found I could talk about anything with him because he was so understanding. Other than Jake, he would be my other really close guy friend. We got to my history class first before he headed off to class himself.

The day went by like usual, my mind focused mainly on Edward as I couldn't wait to see him. It was becoming ridiculous just how much I needed to see him. He was really becoming an addiction to me. As I walked to my locker after Spanish I found Jake waiting for me.

"Hey babe,"

"Hi Jake, what's up?" I asked as I shoved my things into my locker.

"Nothing much, I was actually speaking to Seth and some of us are going to head down to the beach this Friday night, want to come?"

"Umm, sure ok."

"Great. I'll pick you up at about 7." He said as he drenched his arm around my shoulder and we headed to the cafeteria.

When we got inside we found Emmett and Rosalie already there, all over each other.

"Hi, you guys." I smiled as I took a seat beside Jacob and opposite them.

"Hey," They both replied as the eased off each other slightly but still not enough to make it comfortable for the rest of us. It was something we were all becoming used to over the last two weeks.

"Beach Friday night, Emmett you're more than welcome to come along." Jake offered nicely. Jake seemed ok with Emmett, I think it was mainly for Rose's sake but I guess he didn't really have anything against Emmett.

"Thanks man, that's sounds like fun."

Jasper and Alice walked in a little while later and took a seat beside Emmett and Rosalie. My eyes were scanning the crowd of students for Edward. I had yet to see him today and I was becoming impatient. As we all sat and talked I was starting to feel a little cold. I felt a chill run through me and I shivered.

"Hey, I'm just going to grab my jacket from the truck." I said to Jake as I stood up.

"You cold?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'll be right back."

I began out of the cafeteria and took my left down the corridors and to toward the parking lot. I pushed the heavy glass door open and started for my truck. I unlocked my truck and grabbed my jacket that was draped over the passenger seat. I pulled it on, locked the car from the door and slammed it shut. As I headed back toward the main building my eyes flickered to the direction of Edward's car and saw his driver's side door open, telling me he must be sitting inside. I felt glee wash over me at the realization and I internally cursed myself for becoming too attached and almost obsessive. I hesitated a little before making my way over toward his car. Just as I was about to take the first few steps toward his car, he stepped out and his eyes met mine instantly. I felt my heart stutter as his green eyes pierced into mine and he gave me his crooked grin. Before I knew what I was doing, my legs were moving on their own accord and toward Edward.

"Stalking me?" He teased once I got to him.

"No, I was just getting my jacket out of my truck." I said pulling at the front of my jacket. He nodded.

"It is getting quite cold." He agreed. He kept his eyes on me as he pulled a cigarette out of a pack and placed it between his lips, he was smirking at me. He threw the pack back into his car, where it landed on his driver's seat and then proceeded to pull a lighter out of his jacket pocket and lit his cigarette, all the while his eyes were locked with mine. I was mesmerized.

"You shouldn't be smoking here… you might get caught." I said as I eyed his perfect pouty lips taking a suck out of his cigarette and then blowing the smoke out to the side.

"Eh… I'm sick of trying to follow fucking orders. I guess Chicago can't be all that bad." He shrugged.

"Chicago?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, my dad has threatened to send me away to Chicago to live with my grand dad Anthony if I get suspended or expelled again, or even if my grades don't pick up. I'm kinda over it to be honest, whatever happens, happens."

I couldn't deny the panic I felt just at the possibility of Edward moving away. I couldn't let him move away.

"You don't… like Forks?" I asked unable to hide the sadness in my voice. I really wanted to ask _what about me? _But decided against it.

"Nope."

"Oh," I answered stupidly looking down at my feet. I felt my heart pounding against my chest in panic. He couldn't move away. I couldn't allow it.

"Although, there are some people that make it bearable." He added with a smirk. My eyes shot up to meet his and I had to fight the part of me that believed he was talking about me… _yeah right_. But could he really be speaking about me? Was I someone who was making this bearable for him? As much as I shouldn't believe that was the case for the sake of my own heart I couldn't stop it. I wanted him to stay in Forks… no, I _needed _him to stay in Forks. If only I really did have some power or control over his decision.

"Get out of the rain and get in the car." He answered eyeing me like I was mad. I was snapped out of my thoughts and found Edward sitting in his car. It took a second for his words to register with me and I glanced around noticing it was sprinkling and starting to pick up. I circled his car without hesitation and climbed in.

**EPOV**

I tried to ignore it. I really did. But when you feel something so intense, something pulsating through you, more extreme than you have ever experienced it was almost impossible. So I gave up and let the exhilaration course its way through my system, waking up every fucking inch of me. _Exhilaration_ I hear you ask? Yes, motherfucking exhilaration. Exhilaration is what I feel when my sweet as cupcakes princess is beside me, near me, in my presence. When I am blessed with her presence, I feel mother fucking exhilarated because that is just the control this girl has over me. I never thought, in a million years a girl… a _girl, _could make me feel this way. _I _make girls feel exhilarated in my presence. But now the fucking tables have been turned and I feel like that from the simple presence of a girl, her simple existence alone is enough have that effect on me… but I'm not just talking about any girl… I'm talking about Isabella Swan… the girl that has officially taken over my every thought.

She looked almost exhilarated herself to see me. Ok, I may just be getting carried away but I chose to believe it was true. I could see the excitement in her eyes, the way her face just lit up when she saw me, the soft and warm smile that graced her lips. It was dangerous to get my hopes up and think she felt the same way about me as I did for her but at this moment in time I really couldn't give a fuck… about anything. I was sick of _trying _so hard to restrain myself. There was so much holding me back that it was frustrating. Fuck it, Carlisle can send me away… even though I doubt he will actually go through with it. I'd have to do something really fucked up in order to be sent away. I also assumed I'm pretty safe smoking in my car, no one really comes out here anyway.

It's been two weeks… two _long_ mother fucking weeks of only interacting with Bella during school hours. I hate it. I want to see her more, to speak to her more, fuck I want _her _more. I want every fucking inch of her but I still feel like she is holding back. I could blame her fucker of a friend Jacob Black, hell I _already_ have put the blame on him, who am I kidding? But I really want more with her. The more time I get to spend with her the more I like her, the more things I find out about her, make her even more beautiful. The more I look at her the more beautiful she becomes… fuck I want her bad.

So here she is sitting in my car, within the small confined space, just me and her, chilling. Her fucking cupcake smell concentrated in this small space, my dick was screeching. It was straining against my jeans, fighting to be released and screaming for attention. It was fucking painful and the fact that I was sitting down wasn't giving much room for the poor guy to move around. _Mrs. Palmer_ has been doing all the fucking hard work for the last two weeks and I think my dick was starting to groan in irritation whenever it came into contact with the palm of my hand. I bet you if it could it would be screaming the cravings of a wet and tight pussy. And fuck would Bella be tight, she was a virgin, worse she has never fooled around so her pussy would be just heaven…fuck! My dick twitched and I almost groaned… almost.

I brought the lit cigarette to my mouth and took a deep long drag, anything to relieve some sort of tension I was feeling.

"You ok?" She asked softly.

"Fine…" I answered my voice sounding strained. I needed to steer my mind off of Bella's pussy and sex if I planned on not creaming my fucking pants as we speak.

As I turned to look at her I noticed she was wet… wet on my leather seats… wet in my fucking car. The urge to tell her to get the fuck out of my car was strong but I fought it back. Bella didn't deserve to be treated like that, even though I was fucking pedantic when it came to my car, I was fucking OCD when it came to my car. And I couldn't be a fucking hypocrite as I sit here and smoke in my car when I usually wouldn't condone that shit.

"You seem tense." She stated eyeing me suspiciously.

"I'm fine, just fucking peachy keen." I stated trying to lighten the mood. She let out a little giggle and I found myself involuntarily smiling back at her.

"A bunch of us are going down to the beach tomorrow night." She stated hesitantly.

"Good for you."

"Come with us." She offered looking down into her lap. I looked over at her. Did she invite me to go with her and her friends?

"Depends who's going?"

"Jazz and Alice, Rose and Emmett, Seth, Marcus, Paul-"

"Jake?" I asked, that being the only name I was interested in hearing.

"Yeah. But you guys can just stay away from each other." She looked at me and it sounded like she was pleading. Actually, I could _see _she was pleading, it was evident in her eyes.

"You really want me to go?" I asked. She began squirming slightly in her seat and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to try and refrain myself from laughing. It was so cute watching her squirm from my question. I knew she was trying hard to avoid answering the truth.

"I… we all want you to go." She shrugged as she began gnawing on her bottom lip trying to act like it wasn't all her. Fuck! I loved it when she bit her lip, it was fucking sexy as hell.

"I'll see."

"Ok."

"What do you guys normally do there?" I asked as I flicked my butt outside the car.

"They normally set up a fire, we grab some food, drink… just you know... hang out."

"And you're inviting me?" I asked. I really just wanted her to admit it. Her eyes widened for a second before they relaxed and she smiled warmly at me and nodded.

"I could use some alcohol." I said. I was in need of a night where I could just get drunk. It's been way too long since I have been smashed.

"We should head back inside." Bella suggested as she glanced at her wrist watch.

"Ok," I sighed, pissed once again our time was over. We got out of the car and headed back inside the main building.

We walked to biology together and took our usual seats. I saw Newton hesitate for a second when he saw me but then strolled his way over to our bench and stood in front of Bella.

"Hey Mike," Bella greeted with a smile.

"Bella, what are you up to tomorrow night?" He asked as his eyes flickered to mine for a second and then back to Bella.

Was it ok to have the urge to punch his face because he was asking Bella out?

"Actually a bunch of us are heading down to the beach tomorrow night. Why don't you come?" Bella offered.

"You sure?"

"Well, it's an open invitation." She shrugged like it was no big deal.

I guess I shouldn't feel too privileged to have gotten an invite from her. But a part of me still chose to believe that she really wanted me there unlike Mike fucking Newton.

"Sounds great, thanks." Mike nodded with a smile before returning to his desk.

I kept my eyes on his back as he departed, I felt like kicking him. Preferably between the eyes but anywhere else would do.

"So the whole class is coming." I stated, my tone sounding a lot harsher than I intended.

"Ah… well, normally just anyone shows up… I was just being nice." She said biting her lip and looking at me quizzically.

"So you were just being nice to me too?" I asked. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?

"No… well, yes." She shook her head as if she was trying to clear her thoughts, "I want you to come, I invited you because I want you to come." She answered tentatively.

"Ok," I said with a smirk.

I rummaged through my closet trying to find something to wear. I had a shit load of clothes, more than I could ever use but I normally still found myself in this fucking dilemma. Huffing, I pulled out a pair of jeans and paired them with a black white t-shirt. I threw on my black leather jacket on top and slipped on my black DC shoes. I walked over to my mirror and brushed my fingers through my hair a few times. I found it wasn't going to cooperate, and it was just irritating the fuck out of me at having a fucking mind of its own. I was like fuck it and went back to my closet and pulled out my black beanie.

As I was spraying on some cologne, Emmett barged in and the door flew open, hitting the wall with a loud bang.

"Fuck you, what do I keep telling you about knocking you douche?" I snapped.

"Calm the fuck down, sorry, geez. It's not like you would have been doing anything." He said walking in and slumping himself onto my bed. He was wearing his black khaki pants and grey sweater that clung to his form pretty tight. Fucking show off.

I walked to my door and shut it before walking over to my stereo.

"Want to have some before we go?" I asked as I pulled a screw driver out from beside the speakers and began unscrewing the cover.

"Definitely . . . aren't you taking some with you?" He asked.

"I am. I'm going to roll a joint before I go and take it with me. Where's your bong?"

"In my room, you want some out of that?"

"Yeah, it's not strong enough from this shit." I said as I rolled up a joint.

"K, meet me in my room, but bring some of your stuff I still don't have any."

He headed off to his room while I rolled up two joints. I grabbed a little bag of the marijuana and shoved it into my jacket pocket before cleaning up the area and screwing the cover back on. I opened my door and headed over to Emmett's room. Carlisle wasn't working but he wasn't home, I have no fucking idea where he was and to be honest and I didn't really give a fuck.

I went into Emmett's room and pulled my little baggie out, opening it and began packing the shit into the cone piece. I pulled out my lighter and brought the mouth piece over to my lips. I lit the lighter over the cone piece while I simultaneously sucked in deep through the mouth piece, inhaling the smoke. Once I had as much as I could inhale I pulled the lighter away and held the smoke in my lungs, letting it burn is way through, and then exhaled it slowly. I felt my head spin for a second and loved it, this shit was strong.

I took another hit and then handed it over to Emmett who took two hits also. Once we were satisfied we had had enough, we packed it away and any traces of it and headed out to my car. I wanted to get smashed but I wanted to drive my car, I didn't feel like riding in the Jeep, I hate the fucking Jeep.

We arrived at the beach about fifteen minutes later and we spotted Jazz's new silver 2007 Audi A5 that he got about a week ago. I envied that bastard because that was one hot mother fucking car. I drove past it and went to the other side of the parking lot and pulled into the last space. I always liked to park near walls or columns so I wouldn't have to worry about any ass holes hitting my car with their doors.

Emmett and I climbed out and made our way down toward the beach and onto the sand. There were already about 30 or so people there. I spotted Mike, Ben, Paul and the rest of them. I continued scanning the crowd for _her_. Even though I didn't see her truck or Alice or Rosalie's car I was still hopeful. Once I was convinced that she still hadn't arrived, we made our way toward everyone, all huddled around a little fire, set up like tee pee out of wood.

"Hey Edward!" Paul called me over.

Emmett followed beside me as we walked over to where Paul was seated beside Marcus, Jasper and Aaron.

"Hey," I greeted them as I sat down on the sand beside Jasper. Emmett sat down on the other side of me.

"Would you like a drink?" Marcus asked us.

"What have you got?" Emmett asked.

"Beer mainly, I think we may have some vodka and tequila."

"Beer isn't going to do much for me, hand over the vodka if you have any."

Marcus got up and headed over to the few coolers they had sitting off to the side. He came back over to us holding a bottle of tequila and a bottle of vodka and some plastic cups. He poured a little vodka in four cups and passed them around. I took mine in one shot and shivered as it went down.

"That is nasty." I cringed.

"Want some coke with your vodka?" Jasper offered as he held up a bottle of coke he had sitting beside his feet. "It makes it a little more bearable."

"Yeah, I can't have this shit straight like this. This is cheap shit man." I cringed. Jasper laughed. "What is that shit?" I asked Marcus. He looked at the bottle quickly.

"Seagram's." He shrugged.

"Where is the fucking good shit?" I asked holding my cup out to Marcus for a refill. It may not be the best but I was determined to drink and get pissed. Jasper then topped it off with some coke. They did the same with Emmett before the three of us tapped our cups together and chugged them down.

"That feels great." I said as I felt the alcohol with the weed loosening me up.

I scanned around the crowd of people, watching everyone interact and joke around. My eyes fell upon Kate, who was staring at me, a small smile playing on her lips. She winked at me before bringing the cup in her hands to her lips and taking a drink, looking over at me over the cup. I internally groaned and looked away, I wasn't in the mood for any bitch's advances tonight.

"Want a smoke?" I asked Jasper, wanting to get away from Kate's gaze. He knew exactly what I meant.

"Sure."

I tapped Emmett on the knee as Jazz and I stood up and the three of us went for a little walk.

**BPOV  
**I pulled my black cardigan tighter around my torso as I waited for Alice and Rosalie to get out of the car. I hadn't contemplated it to be this cool out. All I was wearing underneath the cardigan was a thin blue tank top.

Once they managed to get out we made our way down toward the beach. Jake had called about an hour ago saying he wouldn't be able to pick me up till 8. I told him not to worry about it and I would just catch a ride with Rosalie.

"Jasper's here!" Alice sang in excitement as if she wasn't expecting him to be here as she spotted his car. I chuckled lightly to myself.

As we made our way down the battered concrete stairs that led to the beach I noticed the black BMW. I smiled to myself as I realized Edward was already here. As we got closer to everyone who were scattered around the fire, I could tell half of them were already intoxicated. They were all rowdy while some of them swayed as they attempted to walk. I knew from Jake that Paul, Seth and everyone else normally started their party here from as early as 6.

We waved briefly to everyone as we sat ourselves down around the fire. Mike spotted me and jumped up from his seat beside Jessica and hurried over to me and sat down.

"You look nice." He smiled.

"Thank you." I blushed as I looked down into my lap.

"Would you like a drink?" He offered getting himself ready to stand.

"Actually yes, a beer would be nice."

"A beer? Come on Bella, you can do better than that." Rosalie laughed nudging me in the side before standing up and walking over to the coolers where Aaron was pulling out a couple of drinks.

"Where's Jasper?" Alice asked Mike as she leaned forward beside me to see him properly.

"I don't know, I saw him walking off with the Cullen's."

Rosalie came back carrying three filled cups, handing one to me and one to Alice and keeping one for herself.

"What is it?" I asked as I brought the cup to my nose and sniffed it.

"Its vodka and lemonade, and don't worry, I had Aaron make it light for you." She rolled her eyes at me.

I took a little sip and noticed she was right. "Thanks Rose."

"Yeah, yeah, just drink up."

We sat and spoke for a while, and I had finished my drink within five minutes. I had the habit of drinking too fast whenever I was sitting down and talking, I don't realize that I keep taking sips of my drink.

"Jasper!" Alice squealed and jumped up from beside me startling me in the process. She ran over to Jasper and threw herself into him for a hug. He chuckled as she almost tipped him back in the process.

Rosalie, a lot more quietly than Alice, stood up and made her way over to Emmett, locking her lips with his as he wrapped his big arms around her slim figure. He whispered something into her ear that caused her to giggle and nod. They turned back around and went back in the direction the guys had just come.

Edward smiled over at me as he walked over to me with Jasper by his side that had an arm around Alice.

"Hi," He gave me his crooked grin as he sat down beside me.

"Hi," I smiled shyly as I stared into his eyes. He looked stoned as his eyes looked a little blood shot. Jasper waved over to me and I realized he looked the same. So that's where they were.

"Can you top me off and make it strong?" Edward said holding his cup out to Mike. Mike stared back at Edward stunned and confused. Edward wiggled his cup impatiently in front of Mike as he continued to just stare at him.

"What was it that you were drinking?" Mike asked still looking shocked as to why Edward was asking _him_ to top off his drink.

"Vodka and coke… do they have tonic in there?"

"I don't know."

"Well, whatever they have but fill it up will you?"

Mike nodded as he took the cup hesitantly from Edward and stood up and headed over to the coolers.

"You're late." Edward said turning to me.

"Rosalie and Alice." I shrugged.

"What about them?" He asked confused.

"They take a lot of time to get ready." I explained.

Mike came back with Edward's drink and handed it to him. Edward took it from Mike and took a sip.

"What do I fucking look like to you? I can't even taste the fucking vodka." Edward said holding out the cup back to Mike. Mike looked over at me for some kind of help so I took the cup from Edward and walked over to the coolers myself. Once I had filled it with Vodka I walked back over to him and handed it back. Mike had escaped back to Jessica.

"You didn't have to do that." He said taking his drink from me and taking a sip. Once he seemed satisfied he gulped half of it down. "But thanks anyway. Where's your drink?" He asked.

"Here, I finished." I replied holding up my empty cup.

"We can't have any of that." He brought his cup up to mine and filled it a little with his drink. "Drink up."

I hesitated before bringing the cup to my lips and taking a little drink. I cringed and Edward laughed.

"That's so strong…" I said with a shudder.

"I know, they have fucking cheap shit too so it doesn't taste all that pleasant."

"Bella?" I looked up and found Jake approaching me with a scowl on his face as his eyes flickered between me and Edward.

"Hi Jake," I stood up and hugged him before pulling him down to sit on the other side of me. Edward turned to face Jasper and began talking to him, I assume in an effort to ignore Jake as best as he could.

"I see you two have become quite the buddies sharing drinks and all." He stated with a hard tone.

"Please Jake, not this again." I groaned as I placed my face into my free hand.

"I'm not going to keep repeating myself but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Jake, would you stop. It's not like I'm dating him or anything." I snapped, trying to keep my voice quiet so Edward wouldn't hear me. But he was right next to me so I was sure he did anyway.

Jake shook his head before he got up from beside me and headed over to Paul and Seth. I watched him with a frown. I really hated that about him. He always felt the need to control me.

"Want to go for a walk away from the prying eyes?" Edward whispered into my ear. I felt a shiver run through me as his hot breath tickled the skin on my neck. I turned to look at him and our noses touched he was leaned in so close. My breath hitched and I closed my eyes for a second to regain my composure as I could feel my heart battling to beat out of my chest. I opened my eyes and saw that he still hadn't moved back, his hot sweet breath dancing across my face with each exhale. I nodded.

He leaned back and grabbed his cup as he stood up.

"Bring your cup." He stated as he began walking. I picked up my cup and followed him quickly.

He walked over to the coolers and popped the top open. He scanned its contents for a second before grabbing the bottle of coke and handing it to me. I took it from him as he reached for the vodka and then closed the lid and began walking off.

"We're taking these?" I asked as I struggled to keep up with him.

"Yep."

"These are for everyone." I stated as I reached him and met this pace.

"Fuck em, they have enough shit in there to go around."

We kept walking, taking the bend that took us to the other side of the beach that was completely secluded. We couldn't even hear the chatter of everyone by the fire from here.

"Is here ok?" He asked as he stood beside the cliff face.

"Sure." I nodded.

He plopped himself down onto the sand, facing the shore and I sat myself down beside him. He opened the coke and poured a little in each of our cups before doing the same with the vodka, although he filled up three quarters of the cup with vodka. He handed me one and picked up the other for himself.

"To vodka." He held his cup up for me to tap mine against.

"To vodka." I laughed as I tapped it against his and then took a tentative sip from it. He downed half of his cup again. He turned to look at me and shook his head.

"You can do better than that." He raised an eyebrow at me. I brought the cup to my lips and took another sip. He laughed and shook his head.

"Let me." He took the cup out of my hands and brought it to my lips, my eyes locked on him as his eyes locked on my lips. "Now keep drinking till I pull the cup away." His eyes flickered to mine and for a second they were a burning a dark jade before they snapped back to my lips. He pushed my cup against my lips and I began drinking, Edward tilting the cup higher and higher as I struggled to keep up. Once I had forced half of it down he pulled the cup away but his eyes stayed focused on my lips. My tongue darted out and I made sure to lick any stray drops of alcohol from my lips.

"Feeling better?" He asked as he finally drew his gaze away from my lips and to my eyes.

"I feel light headed." I said as I pressed my palm against my head. He laughed.

"That's means the alcohol is working. So you said last time you've never been drunk?" He asked taking a drink from his cup. I shook my head.

"There is a first for everything." I said.

"Yes there is." He said with a little smirk. We sat in silence for a few minutes just watching the waves break at the shore. The sound of the ocean was relaxing and soothing.

"Why did you move to Forks?" I asked, hoping I wasn't crossing a line. I've been curious about this question since I first met him.

He seemed to hesitate slightly before he spoke, "I got expelled from two schools back in Seattle. I never went to school, I'd just skip and either stay at home if Carlisle wasn't there or I'd just leave and drive around or hang out in a mall." He chuckled dryly. "And when I did go to school I was usually hung over or stoned."

I stayed quiet for a while, thinking about what he said before I spoke, "Poor Carlisle… I know what its like for a parent to see their child so defeated."

"Carlisle found my stash of coke and weed in my bedroom. He took them away but I got more and then he found them too. I wasn't in the right frame of mind back then as I was making a lot of stupid mistakes. I was doing so much drugs that sometimes I used forget that Carlisle would be downstairs and I'd just light up a joint or do a line of coke while he'd be there. He never caught me doing the coke, he caught the stash which told him I was doing it. But if he had actually walked in on me doing it I don't know what he would have done."

"Why?" I asked in a murmur. He looked over at me and he looked pained almost. I knew this was hard for him to talk about.

"Why what?"

"Why did you get into so much drugs and alcohol? There must a reason." I searched his eyes and I saw a flicker of anger shoot through them. I quickly looked away knowing I was heading into a sensitive area.

"Drink." He said simply, his voice hard before he knocked back the rest of his drink. I took a little sip from mine.

He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, taking in a long drag, holding it in his lungs for a bit before blowing it out. I eyed him closely, noticing how he seemed tense all of sudden.

"I'm sorry." I apologized for making him uncomfortable.

"What have I said to you about apologizing?" He asked turning to face me. One side of his lip curled up into his crooked grin and I looked away as my breathing picked up. I wanted so much to kiss him. I knew this was the alcohol talking because I would never attempt something like that on my own. Who am I kidding, what would he want to do with me? I took another long drink from my cup trying to calm myself and relax.

"Want a drag?" He asked me holding his cigarette out for me. I eyed it and realized that it had been in his mouth and that seemed to fuel my desire to want one. I nodded.

"Ever had one?" He asked.

"No."

"Well, here's another first." He smirked. I lifted my hand and took the cigarette from him and brought it to my lips slowly and inhaled the smoke. I pulled it out and as soon as I attempted to swallow I began coughing lightly. I handed it back out to him. He was laughing as he took the cigarette back from me.

"You alright?" He asked as I continued to cough, his amusement ebbing. I nodded as I coughed once more and tried to catch my breath.

"Want to try it again?" He asked holding it back out to me. "It gets easier."

"I think I'll pass." I chuckled nervously. He smirked at me before taking a drag himself.

I grabbed the vodka and filled up my cup because quite frankly, I wanted to let loose a little. I still felt a little tense around him and I wanted that to debilitate. I poured a little vodka into his cup while I was at it and then added a little coke to each one.

"You learn fast." He said with a smirk.

"I have a good teacher." I said before downing half my drink. That should do it.

"You might want to slow down though, if your body isn't used to it, it could make you sick." He grabbed the cup out of my hands and placed it on the other side of him away from me. "Have you always lived in Forks?" He asked turning to face me. I nodded.

"Yep. My dad Charlie and Renee were high school sweet hearts. They got married as soon as they graduated. I was born about a year later. They got divorced 5 years ago and my dad moved to Seattle." I always avoided this topic like the plague. It resurfaced many memories that I have forced down into the deepest depths of my mind to never be revealed again. But I knew the alcohol coursing its way through my body was allowing my mind to conjure up these thoughts without hesitation… that was dangerous.

"Your dad lives in Seattle?" He asked.

"Yep, as soon as the divorce was final he escaped. He didn't handle the divorce very well. To be honest I don't know if he is over it. Renee remarried 5 months ago." I shrugged.

"You don't seem too happy about that fact." He observed, eyeing me closely.

"I don't really like Phil."

"Why's that?" He asked looking at me with concern.

"He is quite younger than her, and immature. My mother is a free spirit, hare-brained and so someone like Phil isn't much help. It's chaotic between the two of them. I have to be the responsible one."

"Is that your only reason for disliking Phil?" I shook my head.

"He tries to put too much authority over me. He thinks that becoming my step-father has automatically reined him some kind of power over me. I will never see him as my father, not even close."

"Does your mum know?"

"That I don't like Phil?" He nodded. "She has some idea that I don't like him all too much but for her sake I keep it hidden as much as I can. He makes her happy . . . I could never deny her of that."

"That's very . . . considerate of you. To put your mother's needs before your own." He stated looking out onto the shore. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Not really, I owe her that much after what I put her through when she and Charlie divorced." I felt the aching in my chest begin to surface but I just tried to ignore it.

"What did you do?" He asked hesitatingly, noticing my sudden apprehension on the topic.

"Let's just say that I didn't take my parents divorce too well . . .," I murmured. I felt the pain in my chest as the dreaded memories of that time of my life began flashing through my mind, the haunting memories of my defeat, of my breakdown, of my deepest and darkest point in my life. "I need my drink." I said sounding breathless suddenly, almost a demand, needing something to help numb the pain, something to erase the pain of the images that continue to haunt me.

His eyes narrowed at me for a second before he handed me my cup apprehensively. I practically snatched it off him almost spilling some of it in the process and began gulping it down. When there was a little left, he reached over and his hand came over mine as he attempted to pry the cup out of my hands. I could feel the crackling of that electricity coursing through my hand from his touch. It snapped me out of my stupor.

"Hey, hey, hey, slow the fuck down." He demanded. I relaxed my hand and let him pry the cup out of my hand. I looked down into my lap and began fiddling anxiously with my fingers.

"You're quite tiny, your body can't tolerate too much alcohol. Especially if it's the first time you attempt this much."

I didn't answer him or even look in his direction. I was lost in my head.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked sounding sincerely concerned.

"No." I said shaking my head frantically. That would be bad, very bad. The last thing I needed was to make those faint memories clear, to bring them to the surface and out of the water where they were a faint blur, reminding me of my defeat.

"I lost my mother." He said out of the blue. My head snapped in his direction, surprised that he admitted it suddenly. He looked into my eyes and I could see a deep sadness in them. I could tell it was hard for him saying it out loud.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, knowing that would be something so difficult to deal with. I couldn't even handle a divorce and I'd hate to think how I'd handle death. "How?" I asked, hoping he would tell me.

"Pancreatic Cancer. By the time they caught it, it was too late. She was gone within 5 months. It has the lowest survival rate." He explained looking away again and out onto the shore. "She died two and a half years ago. That was how I got into weed. She spent most of her time in the hospital, she was living on machines. She was slowly deteriorating before our eyes. It was too much for me to take. I desperately needed something to ease the pain, something to help, even just a little. I was doing that shit everyday, constantly, I was hardly ever sober. Being sober was too painful, the reality of the situation was eating away at me."

I felt tears prickling my eyes but I fought them back. His voice was soft and sad, I could only ever imagine what it would be like to witness your parent dying like that and not being able to do anything about it.

"I took it the worst. Carlisle and Em were devastated but I was distraught. I was closest to my mum. She was my best friend, it sounds corny but it's true. I've never really been close to Carlisle. Their marriage became strained three years before she died. He treated her like shit a lot of the time. It was like something snapped in him. They were like the perfect couple, but suddenly, the slightest thing would aggravate him and he would blame her even though it wouldn't be her fault and she would just take it. He was such a fucking bastard to her." He said shaking his head.

"Is that why your relationship with him is so . . . strained?" I asked, hoping I chose the right word to describe it. He chuckled dryly.

"No, that's not the only reason. If only things were that simple." He said, the sadness in his voice being replaced with anger and hate.

A shiver ran through me as a cool breeze ghosted past us, I crossed my arms over my chest to try and keep myself warm. He scooted himself closer to me and held his arm out, lifting the side of his jacket away from his torso for me to cuddle into.

"Come here." He said. I turned to look at him in shock as he waited for me to scoot into his embrace. He tilted his head slightly in his direction, inviting me to press myself against him. I didn't hesitate any longer as I pressed my body against his side where he wrapped his arm around me, his jacket enveloping me and locking me into him.

"It's cold." He stated as if trying to justify his actions. He didn't need to justify anything to me. I snuggled into him, the alcohol allowing me to relax into his body and rest my head against his shoulder. The aching I was feeling in my chest was drifting away, I felt calm and at peace almost as he held me. Something about his touch soothed me, made my haunting thoughts a blur again, a distant memory. I turned my face into the crook of his neck, knowing my actions were being fueled by the alcohol as I inhaled his scent and it relaxed me further, it was like a drug, travelling through my system and erasing the pain that was lingering around. I tucked my hands between us against my chest, linking my fingers together to keep my body warm. I could feel the hard plains of his torso. He was toned. His chest was hard and I found myself snuggling as close to him as I could, feeling so at peace it scared me almost. His arm tightened around me, pulling me incredibly closer into his side, I felt so unbelievably content in his arms.

"You smell like fucking cupcakes." He said after a while, his voice sounding deep and husky. I looked up to see his face and he looked down at me, our faces just inches apart. My heart began its erratic beat at his closeness as I could feel his alcohol scented breath on my face.

"Cupcakes?" I asked, my voice sounding surprised. I was surprised . . . cupcakes?

"You smell like strawberries and vanilla . . . just like sweet, fluffy and delicate cup cakes. You smell just like one." He explained as one side of his lip threatened to curl into his lop sided grin. I couldn't tear my gaze away from his eyes and I didn't even try. I could feel my heart beating violently and erratically in my chest at being this close to him. I wanted him to lean down and kiss me. I wanted to taste him. His lips looked so pink and soft, I could just imagine how they would feel against mine.

Before I could think of what I was doing, my hand that wasn't tucked into his side, slowly came up and grabbed onto the top of his beanie. I let it pause there as he eyed me confusingly, and then I slowly removed it, a smile creeping onto my lips as I exposed his sex hair.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly as his eyes locked with mine. I felt my breathing pick up as I had wanted to do this from the moment I saw him. I threw the beanie beside me without breaking eye contact.

"Don't cover up . . . I like your hair." I whispered as I brought my hand back up and let it linger in the air above his forehead for a second, as if psyching myself to do what I was about to do next. I lowered my hand and excruciatingly slow, let my fingers rake through his hair, and my god was it soft, I think I even gasped lightly.

He continued to stare at me, as I kept brushing my fingers through his hair, enjoying the heavenly feel of his bronze locks in between my fingers. As I continued, his eyelids fluttered closed and he let out a little throaty moan.

My god I felt like kissing him.

_Definitely the alcohol_

I kept going, setting a pace as I started using what nails I had to scrape his scalp lightly as I went. My heart was thrashing against my chest as I reveled in the sudden realization that I was touching Edward Cullen and I was making him feel good. I continued my actions, as he lolled his head toward me, allowing me better access to scrape his scalp. Little moans continued to escape his lips and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. He eyes opened suddenly and he tilted his head away from me and my hand fell from his hair and into my lap. He brought his hand that wasn't wrapped around me and brushed his fingers through his hair. He looked down at me and smiled apologetically.

"I… I didn't mean to… I mean…" I stuttered as I hesitated to explain my actions. He didn't seem mad, I mean he was enjoying it but he seemed really uncomfortable suddenly.

"No, no, that was ok, you didn't do anything wrong, it's just that… ah... we should probably head back." He said unwrapping his arm from around me and began standing up. I sat there feeling rejected as I wondered what could have caused him to suddenly snap out of it. He replaced his beanie, picked up the bottles, and his cup as he gulped the rest of his drink. He seemed impatient to head back. I took a deep breath to calm my frantically beating heart and stood up also, my head spinning at the sudden movement. I stumbled and almost fell before I felt two strong arms catch my fall.

"Fuck, you've had way too much to drink." He said holding me against him. My hands gripped onto his forearms for support. I nuzzled my face into his chest, I didn't want to head back and I didn't want to leave the safety and comfort of his arms. His grip on my arms tightened slightly as he pulled me back and away from him.

I looked up into his eyes, struggling to focus from the alcohol. I felt hurt but I wasn't sure if my expression was readable as I couldn't really focus too much. He seemed to not want me near him at all.

"I have to get you back. How did you get here?" He asked, eyeing me intently.

"Rose." I said, swaying slightly.

"Fuck, I can't take you back like this." I pushed myself away from him hating the way he seemed to be distancing himself from me suddenly. I pushed myself away from him too quickly, almost falling back in the process before he caught me again.

"Sorry."

"I shouldn't have let you drink this much . . . fuck me." He sounded pissed but I wasn't sure whether it was directed at himself or me. For the sake of my heart I chose to believe it was at himself.

"I'm cold." I said after a while. He steadied me on my feet before he let go of me enough to shrug out of his jacket and wrap it around my shoulders. I turned my head and sniffed it, a smile creeping onto my face as I could smell him so concentrated.

"Look, I would take you home but I'm just as fucked up as you are,"

"Didn't you drive here?" I asked looking up to meet his eyes.

"Yeah," He said sounding a little irritated suddenly "I didn't think I'd have this much and there is no way in hell I'm letting Emmett drive my beemer."

"So what are going to do?" I asked. I felt my head spin again.

"Can you try and walk straight and look half sober?" He studied me carefully. I nodded. "Alright, here, stay close to me in case you stumble." I internally laughed considering I stumble easily even when I'm completely sober.

We began our walk back and I tried to keep myself stable. But trying to walk straight through sand was proving to be difficult but I kept a hold of myself well enough, I thought so at least.

"You ok?" He asked, his voice was seeping with guilt and worry. I knew he thought he was responsible for letting me drink so much but it was my fault. I knew when I should've stopped but my mind got a hold of me and I gave in, just needing to feel numb.

"I'm ok," I replied.

Once the fire and everyone came into view, I started looking around for our friends, mainly Rosalie so she could take me home. She was sitting with Emmett, Jazz and Alice. Edward began heading toward them and I tried to keep his pace as best I could. I could feel everyone's eyes on us. My eyes scanned over everyone, not really settling on anyone person in particular till they landed on Lauren. She was eyeing me disgustingly but that was something I have grown use to. Her eyes went to Edward and I could just tell what she was thinking. If only something did happen between Edward and I, then I could have smirked back at her. I noticed all the girls eyeing him. I wasn't stupid, I knew all the girls drooled over him. At school, I'd always catch all the girls staring at him, each one wishing she was with him. He was good looking, no, he was perfect, his face was absolute perfection.

"Em," Edward called over to Emmett. Emmett's head snapped in our direction and began to head over toward us. I could see the wheels in his head working as his gaze flickered between me and Edward intently.

"What's up?" Emmett asked as soon as he reached us. His eyes were fixated on me now, studying me closely. Did I look obviously drunk? I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably under his gaze.

"You ready to head home?" Edward asked him.

"Ah… I guess so. Is she ok?" He asked as his eyes continued to dart back and forth between me and Edward.

"She's got some alcohol in her. I need Rose to take her home." Edward explained. I felt myself blush. Why did I feel so little? They were talking about me like I wasn't even standing there. My eyes drifted to behind Emmett where I saw Rose, Alice and Jasper approaching us. Alice jumped on one side of me. She attempted to link her arm with mine but Edward's jacket over my shoulders got in the way and that's when her face registered Edward's jacket. She looked at me with a cocked eyebrow but didn't say anything. I knew the questioning was coming later. Rosalie shoved herself between Edward and me, knocking him slightly out of the way.

"Watch it." Edward snapped at her.

"I wouldn't talk if I were you." Rose snapped back glaring at him.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He asked her aggressively.

"Edward." Emmett said sternly. Edward looked over at Emmett almost in warning before turning back to Rosalie.

"_This_ is my problem." She said wrapping an arm around me. "Where did you take her?"

"Rose, stop." I said between clenched teeth.

"That's none of your fucking business." Edward said to her, obvious anger in his voice.

"I would shut it if I were you. She isn't another slut that you can take advantage of so I would keep my fucking distance."

"Rose stop it!" I snapped. "He didn't do anything." I said annoyed at her assumption. I tried shrugging myself out from underneath her arm.

"You heard her, so back the fuck off. You may be Jazz's sister and Emmett's girlfriend but that won't stop-" Edward began before I cut him off.

"Hey, Edward." He looked over at me and I tried pleading with my eyes for him to stop it because I knew Rose and she would keep going if she felt the need to.

"I've had enough of this shit." Edward said running a hand through his hair as he looked down at the sand.

"Where's Jake?" I asked, hoping it would steer everyone's attention off of Edward and me.

"He's walked off with Kate and Seth. He should be back soon." Alice explained. I nodded. An awkward silence overcame the group as we all stood around uncomfortably. I decided to speak.

"I want to go home." I said turning to Rose. My head was still spinning lightly.

"Alright, well let's go." She agreed, strolling to Emmett where she reached up and began kissing him passionately. Alice walked over to hug and kiss Jasper goodbye leaving Edward and I standing alone. I remembered I still had his jacket on. I shrugged it off and held it out to him. And as soon as I did, I missed the warmth of it and the scent it was providing me with.

"Thanks."

"Take it, its cold." He said.

"What about you?" I asked as my eyes raked over his body. Shit, he looked hot.

"I'm fine, take it." He insisted. I smiled in thank you before giving Emmett and Jasper quick hugs. As I turned back around to begin heading off, I caught a glimpse of Alice giving a slight frown to Edward. I furrowed my brows wondering what that was about but shrugged it off for now as I wrapped Edward's jacket back around my shoulders and hugged it tight around me.

Our way to Rosalie's car was silent. Neither one of us speaking and I had a feeling it all had to do with me going off with Edward. I wasn't really in the mood to be treated like a little girl.

Rosalie climbed into the driver's side once we reached her car as Alice got into the passenger seat. I climbed into the back and wrapped Edward's jacket around me tightly, breathing in his scent greedily as if it was my only way to stay alive. I couldn't believe just the sheer smell of him could have my body feeling so relaxed and tingly.

"Where did he take you?" Rosalie asked, her tone accusing.

"_He _didn't take me anywhere. _We _walked off to the other side of the beach. And for your information he didn't try anything and I'm not stupid so I want you all to stop treating me like a little kid. Jake is enough to deal with, so I don't need the two of you adding to it." I said irritably.

"I didn't say anything." Alice said sounding hurt as she turned around to look at me. Her eyes darted to Edward's jacket around my shoulders again and she smirked and winked at me before turning back around. Alice was always easier to deal with.

"I don't like him." Rosalie said, ignoring Alice.

"You don't have to." I shot back, getting more irritated with Rosalie for being so adamant in not liking Edward.

"Emmett says he has issues he is dealing with."

"We all do."

"Why are you so defensive of him?" Rosalie snapped.

"Why am I even having this conversation with you? I didn't _fuck_ him Rosalie. I merely hung out with him. He didn't try anything so calm down and just let me be." I said raising my voice in anger.

She went silent, not responding to me. I knew she was probably pissed at me but I didn't need her to always play the mother bear over me. When we were just around the corner from my house Rosalie finally spoke, her voice harsh against the silence that had been lingering in the car for some time.

"Just be careful, that's all I'm saying." She said, her voice concerned with a hint of disgust.

"I always am." I replied bitterly, still a little pissed at her.

She pulled up outside of my house, so I opened the door and climbed out. I turned to peer into the car window.

"Goodnight girls." I said trying to hide the frustration I was feeling out of my voice.

"Goodnight Bella." Alice smile sympathetically.

"Bye Bella… You know I love you and it's only because of that I don't want anybody to hurt you." Rosalie said seeming apologetic almost… almost but not quite.

"I know and no one will." I said trying not to roll my eyes in the process. "Bye." I waved before turning toward my house as they pulled away.

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**What did you think? Likey? No likey?**

**Hope you enjoyed it... next chapter should be out mid next week...show me some loving.... :D  
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	12. Crumbling Walls

**A/N - Thank you to all my readers and reviewers, your kind comments put such a grin on my face everytime...i love everyone of you!**

**Big thanks to my Beta luv4jake who corrects my overuse of comas hehe. She is doing such a great job and is quick in returning the chapters to me :D**

**Virtual family love you all to bits...mwa!!**

**This chapter is in EPOV and takes off from the beach party after Bella left. Enjoy!**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight

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**EPOV**

"No offense Jazz, but your sister gets on my fucking nerves." I said once the girls were out of hearing distance.

"She is a touchy one. Don't mess with her, she doesn't take shit from no one."

"Yeah, no shit." I chuckled dryly.

"I know you wouldn't hurt her." My eyes flickered to Jasper's as he caught me by surprise with his words.

"Huh?" I asked. I knew he was talking about Bella but I felt the need to know why he seemed to trust me unlike everybody else.

"Bella, I know you wouldn't hurt her. But I will tell you one thing, she's not as fragile as everyone thinks she is. She's battled shit in her past that's weakened her. But she seems over it, I mean, I don't know what goes through her head to know exactly but she seems ok. Her friends have seen her at her worst, so they're just worried about her. What she . . . battled, well, she needs to be the one to tell you but if she gets hurt then she will probably fall back into it."

I stood back and listened to him in shock. I had never expected Jazz to be the one to admit all that shit about Bella. But I did appreciate him telling me, although, he just had me even more curious as to what she suffered from.

"I'd never hurt her."I muttered. I could feel Emmett's eyes burning into me, studying me closely.

"I'd fuck you up if you did." Jasper laughed. "She has a soft spot in everyone's heart."

"Hey." I felt a hand on my arm suddenly. I turned to find Irina, looking up at me seductively. I could smell the obvious alcohol on her breath.

"Hi." I said pulling my arm out of her grip.

"Want to go for a walk?" She purred but it just came out slurred. I would normally eat this shit up, an intoxicated girl offering herself to me but I wasn't into this shit anymore. The only girl on my mind that I was interested in just left a few minutes ago.

"No, I'll pass." I replied dryly. She pouted. What the fuck is it with girls and pouting in this school?

"But I would like to show you something in private." She said clinging onto my arm. I could see Emmett smirking at me.

"Fuck you." I said to him. That just caused him to laugh. He loved watching me deal with clingy bitches. "Irina, I was just leaving so why don't you run along to your friends and find some other dick to ride." Her mouth fell open as she stared at me wide eyed. Emmett and Jasper were snickering quietly. "You fuckers ready to go?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.

"Yep, I just hope you're not fucked up." Emmett said as we started to head off. I heard Irina huff and walk away.

"Sort of, I'll be ok to drive though." I said. The alcohol was already wearing off a little.

We said our goodbyes to Jasper as he headed off to his Audi and Emmett and I climbed into my car.

"So tell me, what the hell is going on between you and Bella." Emmett asked as I pulled out of the parking lot. Fucking nosy bastard.

"Nothing, we're just friends." I shrugged.

"Friends? You? With a girl?" He asked in stunned belief before he burst into laughter.

"Your point?" I sighed, waiting for him to calm down.

"Bro, the only thing close to girls as friends you've ever had was friends with fucking benefits. And you don't date, so what are your fucking intentions with her?"

"Why the fuck does it matter to you?"

"It matters because she is Rosalie's best friend and I need to know if I should prepare myself for an ass whipping for when you break this girl's heart."

"I wouldn't break her heart . . . ever." I retorted. "Unintentionally, at least." I added knowing that I was probably fucked up enough to do something unintentionally that would hurt her.

"You know, you can't just fuck her and move on-"

"Has your fucking girlfriend put shit in your head? You think I would just _fuck _her for fun?" I asked as my anger flared. "And what is with your bitch of a girlfriend? You're-"

"Hey! Fuck off before I lunge at you. Watch how you speak about her." He growled.

"Just tell her to keep her fucking mouth shut next time or otherwise I'll shut it myself." I felt a slap on the back of my head.

"Fuck! You dickhead, you're fucking lucky I'm driving otherwise I wouldn't have let that shit pass. And watch the head. That was hard."

"Then don't talk shit about my girlfriend."

"Then don't let your girlfriend talk shit about me. She doesn't fucking know me or anything about me." I said irritably.

"So tell me, what it is with you and Bella and don't give me the 'friends' bull shit."

"Nothing, we _are _just friends."

"You like her?" I contemplated whether I should answer this or not. I wasn't sure how much I wanted Emmett to know, he can get too nosy for his own good.

"I like her, happy? Now drop this shit." I said raking a hand through my hair.

"Just be careful," He said calmly, "She isn't like your average girl, you can't treat her like the rest."

"I don't."

"And if you did, you have Jake's tall ass to deal with."

"Don't bring up that dick head." I shook my head.

We arrived home and saw Carlisle's Mercedes in the driveway. The lights inside were off which most likely meant he was in either his office or asleep. But the fucker never slept so I wouldn't count on him being asleep.

Emmett opened the front door and we shuffled our way inside. Emmett went for the fridge, rummaging for something to eat, while I just grabbed a bottle of water. As I was unscrewing the cap, I heard a door down the hall click open and light footsteps approached us.

"Boys." Carlisle said, appearing in the kitchen.

"Hey, dad." Emmett said as he slapped together a ham sandwich.

"Where were you two?" He asked.

"Just down at first beach." Emmett explained.

"Have fun?"

"Eh." Emmett replied taking a huge bite into his sandwich.

"Ok, well, I'll just be in my office." He explained as he walked to the fridge to grab himself a bottle of water and then headed back in the direction he had come.

"Want to play Halo?" Emmett asked me as he shoved the last of his sandwich into his mouth.

"I'm just gonna head to my bedroom."

"Just for a bit." He whined.

"Not in the fucking mood." I said as I headed up the stairs. I walked down the hall and to my room, opening the door and walking inside before closing it behind me. I stripped out of my clothes and pulled out my navy boxers and pulled them on. I walked over to my bed and huffed. I really needed a TV in here. Fuck Carlisle and his limits. I wasn't allowed 'luxuries' because of my fucking behavior. That was just fucked up. I walked over to my stereo and scanned through my CDs, needing something to kill the silence. I pulled out My Chemical Romance and shoved it into the player. I turned the volume down till it was just playing softly and headed back to my bed. I lay back and stared up the ceiling, the events of my night replaying like a movie on repeat in my head. The night had taken a nice little twist. Well, it was all my doing so I couldn't really call it twist the fact that I got Bella all to myself for a few hours. I had _wanted _nothing more than to have her to myself because it's been two weeks since I have had her alone. I'm starting to sound like I own her or some shit by saying _had _her. I don't own her although I would love nothing more than to make her mine.

_Mine._

_All fucking mine…_

As soon as the fucker appeared and sat beside her commenting on us _sharing drinks_ or some shit I felt like lunging at him and ripping his throat to pieces. Maybe an over reaction but fuck, I was sick and tired of the power he thinks he has over her. He tries to make her feel bad for hanging out with me. She wasn't his sister that he had to look out for. And fuck, I wasn't going to eat her up or destroy her so I have no idea what the fuck is going on in that screwed up head of his or what he thinks my intentions are. But I know one thing, Jacob ain't going to have shit on me. I _will _make Bella mine and there will be nothing he can do about it.

She seemed all shy and reluctant at first to head off with me, probably wondering where the hell I was taking her but she came along anyway and she actually she seemed pleased. I think her main concern was what others were going to think and I don't know why that would matter to her so much anyways.

Trying to loosen her up a little I made her drink. My intention was not to get her drunk, I would never get her drunk and I was well aware that she had never had a shit load of alcohol in her system so I had to take it slow with her. But she started tentatively, taking little birdy sips so I decided to help her. And fuck me dead was that one of the most erotic things I had ever experienced. Watching her take a drink, from a cup that _I _was holding to those perfect lips of hers was a fucking turn on. I couldn't draw my gaze away from her lips, I wanted nothing more than to feel them against mine, to feel her tongue against mine. I wanted her and I wanted her bad.

We sat and talked and I opened up about my past. Even my mother. My mother Esme is not a subject I talk about. It's not a subject I like to think about although sometimes that is completely out of my control and I come across something that triggers her memory in some way. Her death wasn't sudden in the sense that it was overnight. But it was quick, too quick. And in that few months that we found out she had left, she suffered. She suffered through her cancer. We watched it eat away at her, consume her till her death and there was nothing we could do about it but sit back and wait for it to completely take her life. And that was some hard shit to do.

I took it the worst. I was her little boy. Her _angel eyes_ as she used to call me. Emmett was close to her don't get me wrong but Emmett was a daddy's boy, I was a mommy's boy. I was always by her side as a little kid. I used to help her bake cakes and cookies. I'd always volunteer to set the table for dinner while she prepared it. She used to get me to sample dinner for her and I would feel so fucking special when she allowed me that.

I got back up and walked over to my desk, opening up the top drawer and pulling out the Stoli. The memories were becoming too much and the alcohol from the beach was already passing through my system, so I needed some more. Unscrewing the top I tipped the bottle back, loving the feel of its warmth trailing down my throat and through the rest of my body. I walked back over to my bed, Stoli clutched within my hand and slumped myself down.

Normally opening up the memories to my past is difficult and painful. But with Bella it is always as if, there is a calm radiating off of her. I feel at ease with her. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt at all. Resurfacing memories that have continued to haunt me for the last two years is fucking consuming but whenever I'm in Bella's presence it makes it bearable. So talking about my mother and how she died was conjuring up all those memories. Almost the only memories I have of her were the ones of her during her sickness or the ones of when she would suffer Carlisle's fucking bull shit. That is something I could never forgive him for.

Sitting with her on the beach, alone, just the two of us, I don't remember the last time I felt so at ease and happy. Her presence is like a drug to me, erasing all the anger and hate I feel all the time towards everything. She even opened up to me tonight which surprised me slightly. She is usually so closed off and so reserved as if she is holding back. And I know it is because she has been through shit and I understand that because sometimes ignoring the past and not talking about it makes it seem like maybe it was all a dream. But she opened up about her family. Obviously, her parents divorce has a big part to play in what she suffered. I will find out what it is. She is so selfless and compassionate. Her feelings toward Phil are sour and with good reason but for the sake of her mother's happiness she pretends like everything is ok. This girl never ceases to amaze me. Although, like she mentioned, she seems to be doing it out of guilt. And some guilt she must feel if the mere question of what it is she did, she practically snatched her drink from me and downed it. And knowing very well she is not a drinker, that must have been some guilt she was suffering.

Throughout the night I was fighting the fucking urge to have her in my arms. I thought fuck it after a while when she shivered slightly from the cold. I wasn't holding back any longer, I _needed _her in my arms. She cuddled into my side and if I said that I had never felt so at fucking ease and just so … content, it was true. Her little body against mine, crushed into my side and her face nuzzled into my neck, my heart was swelling to an extreme, my body was exploding in goose bumps. I wanted more of her, I felt like it wasn't enough. I never wanted to let her go, the mere thought of it was too painful.

I may have slipped up and said she smelled like cupcakes. _Fucking stupid idiot_. I consume copious amounts of alcohol on a regular basis and usually it doesn't affect my control over my fucking brain filter, but tonight it wasn't just the alcohol, it was her _presence_ that did it to me. I felt different. Good different. I was consumed by her, by her body up against mine and how fucking good it felt that my brain filter seemed to turn into jelly.

I wanted to kiss Bella. I've never had to fight an urge so strong before. I had so many chances tonight to do it. So many times I almost did, her lips were only inches from mine, tempting me with their pinky-ness and softness. But there was one thing I was sure of that made me hold back. We had both consumed large amounts of alcohol. I knew she wasn't completely in her right frame of mind. I wanted her to be sober when I kissed her. I wanted her to want to kiss me. To be aware of what I was doing. It would be her first kiss after all, I wanted it to be memorable and not something that was done in a drunken state. I wanted to devour her lips, to consume them with my own. I not a big fan of kissing but if it gets me laid I'm up for anything. But with Bella I wanted to kiss her, I've never wanted anything so much in my fucking life.

She took me by surprise by playing with my hair. Her boldness which I know was driven by the alcohol in her system to remove my beanie and run her fingers through my hair surprised me. But fuck me if it didn't feel great. I was getting so fucking turned on I almost jumped her. Her fingers felt so good I could feel my dick straining against my denim just begging for attention. I had to stop her because I was seconds away from pinning her to the ground and taking her right there. That's when I decided we needed to head back or I was going to fucking take advantage of her. I can only deal with so much temptation.

I was well aware of the amount of alcohol she had consumed and that she had never had so much before. But when she stood up and swayed I started packing shit. It wasn't my intention to get her drunk but she seemed to be at that moment. After trying to sober her up and explain to her that I needed her to act fine before we faced her friends that I knew I would have to suffer a wrath from, we headed back to them.

Honestly, if it wasn't for my brother Emmett and the respect I have for Jasper and Bella, that Rosalie would have heard it from me. I was so close to telling her more than just to go and fuck herself. She was certain that I had actually taken advantage of Bella. Who the fuck did she take me for? Did she really think Bella would willingly walk off with me if she had any doubt that I would disrespect her? I found that quite insulting for Bella too. They obviously didn't think she could take care of herself too well.

I took one last swig from the Stoli and screwed the cap back on and replaced it back in my top desk drawer. I got myself under the covers and as soon as my head made contact with the pillow I fell into a peaceful slumber, big warm brown eyes occupying my dreams.

* * *

"What do you think of this one?" I raised my eyes up from the counter and looked at him and shrugged. Was he seriously asking my opinion?

"It's nice?" I answered, but it came out like a question because I wasn't sure myself. I wasn't really into this shit.

"Nice? I thought it was better than nice." Jasper said sounding disappointed.

"What's it for anyway?" I asked scanning the other bits of jewelry in front of me.

"7 month anniversary." Jasper answered placing the necklace back down on the velvet tray and shaking his head to the jeweler.

"7 months? Isn't it usually just at one year then two years and all that shit?" I asked not understanding all this bull shit. Jasper chuckled.

"Usually, but there is one thing you have to learn about girls, every month is significant. It's just a way to remind them that you still love them." He shrugged like it was obvious.

"Ok," I said raking my fingers through my hair. "Don't people just buy flowers or some shit like that? Roses I think? Don't they represent love or something?" Jasper turned to me and smirked before walking around me to the other side of the counter.

"They do, but sometimes a little effort helps."

"Effort? Fuck, if relationships are this much fucking hard work why even bother?" I asked completely baffled to why someone would go through all this shit.

"Love." He replied simply. His eyes found a necklace with a pink handbag pendant. "Can I have a look at that one please?"

This really wasn't my comfort zone. Jasper called me this morning asking if I wanted to go shopping with him. I thought it was for clothes for himself or car parts or something like that, things that I actually knew about. But he has been dragging me from store to store all fucking morning looking for the 'perfect' gift for Alice. I was going fucking crazy with boredom.

"What do you think?" He asked me for the hundredth time today. I seriously had no fucking idea what was 'perfect' for a girl let alone Alice that I knew nothing about so everything to me was 'perfect'.

"It's nice."

"Nice? Is there anything that is better than just _nice_?" He asked holding it up to get a closer look.

"It's made from solid 925 sterling silver. The pink is enamel, and those are white pave ziconias that encrust the buckle of the handbag." The jeweler explained. I knew quite a bit about jewelry so I at least understood what the fucker was going on about in that sense.

"Alright I'll take it." Jasper said sounding pleased as he handed the necklace to the jeweler to pack away for him.

"Ok, how is that perfect?" I asked, wanting to understand the logic.

"Well, its jewelry, all girls love jewelry. Alice is obsessed with all things fashion so I figure a handbag shaped pendant would be perfect. Oh, and it's got pink in it." He grinned. I just shook my head. It was just too much bull shit for my brain to deal with. I was also dying for a smoke. I felt like slipping outside for a cigarette.

"Meet me outside. I'll be at the exit just around the corner." I explained as I headed out of the store. The mall was packed with people, I guess because maybe it was a Saturday. I maneuvered my way through the crowds and to the nearest exit, standing just outside the doors, slipping out a cigarette and lighting it.

It was a few minutes later Jasper walked out looking happy with a small bag clutched in one hand. I really didn't understand the fucking stress of it all.

"I still just think flowers would have been enough." I muttered. Jasper just rolled his eyes at me.

"I'm hungry, want to grab something to eat before we head back home?"

"I guess so." I took one last drag before flicking it onto the side walk.

"There's an ash tray right behind you." Jasper pointed out.

"Fuck em." I said as I headed back inside.

We made our way to the food court and stood in line at Burger King. Once it was our turn to order, we had some chick serving us and fuck me dead if she wasn't eye fucking me. She took our orders and continued her flirting. I turned to Jasper and he seemed amused by the situation.

"I'm Bree." She said smiling at me.

"I can see that on your name tag." I said with a smirk. She looked down at her shirt where her name tag was as if forgetting she was wearing the thing.

"Are you from around here?" She asked as she took my money.

"Forks."

"What was your name again?" She asked as she handed me my change.

"Edward." I said feeling desperate for her to just bring me my food so I could escape her.

"Nice." She said before turning away to grab our order.

"Nice?" Jasper snickered.

"_Nice_ is the fucking word of the day." I sighed.

"Here are your drinks. I'll just get you your burgers and fries." It didn't escape me she was taking her time.

"I like watching you squirm." Jasper laughed.

"Fuck you." I muttered.

"Here you go and here are your napkins." She said still eyeing me seductively.

I nodded and grabbed the bag of food and hurried away. We found a table and sat down, pulling our food out of the bags.

"What's this?" Jasper asked.

"What?" I asked. A smirk appeared on his face as he handed me a napkin. I look at him quizzically before taking the napkin and glancing at it. I shook my head as I saw Bree had written her name and number on it, with 'call me Edward' after it.

"You going to call her?" Jasper asked taking a drink of his coke.

"No." I said throwing the napkin onto the table.

"Don't you normally eat this shit up?"

"Normally but not anymore."

"Why?" He asked.

"Does it matter?" I asked shoving a whole bunch of fries into my mouth hoping he'd get the message I didn't want to talk. I knew where he was heading.

"I see." He said nodding to himself as if he just figured out a puzzle.

"You see what?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Nothing." He smirked before taking a bite of his burger.

"Screw you and your pink handbags." I said immaturely. He just laughed.

After we finished our lunch we walked around for a little more. I bought a pair of blue and white Nikes, a pair of grey-blue converse shoes and a couple of Abercrombie t-shirts and three pairs of American Eagle jeans. I felt like splurging so why the fuck not? As we were heading out we passed an electronics store. I forced Jasper inside and decided on the spot to buy a TV for my room. I bought myself a Sony 42 inch LCD. It cost a few thousand dollars but my allowance pretty much allowed for it so fuck Carlisle. I don't see how not having a TV in my room is going to affect my attitude. While I was at it I purchased a DVD player. They had them both in stock so Jasper and I went back to our car and drove to the pick up dock where they were loaded into the back of my car. I was quite satisfied with my purchase and was happy that something good came out of the trip.

We headed back to Forks to my place where Jasper had left his car. Rosalie's car was parked in the drive way when we arrived and I hoped for Jasper's sake her and Emmett weren't going at it like rabbits.

I carried my clothing inside, throwing the bags onto the couch before heading back outside so Jazz and I could carry the TV upstairs to my room.

Once inside my room we unpacked the TV and began hooking it up. Luckily the previous owners already had brackets screwed into the wall so we just connected the TV up into that. I realized I didn't have anything to put my DVD player on so I figured I'd have to go shopping again for a cabinet of some sorts. An hour into our work Emmett's music blared from his room and that only meant one thing. He and Rosalie were going at it. After hearing them one too many times, I warned him to either find some other place to bone her or put some damn music on to drown out the moans and thumps. I used to hear him every time back in Seattle but that was when I was getting more pussy than him. Now it's just a sad reminder that I've gone over a month with nothing.

A couple of hours later we headed back down stairs where Jazz left to go get ready to for his date with Alice. I was heading out to the yard for a cigarette when the rabbits emerged.

"What's up?" Emmett asked stepping outside with Rosalie behind him.

"Got back a few hours ago. Bought myself a TV and DVD player."

"No shit?" He asked sitting down in a chair and pulling Rosalie into his lap. She ignored me so I just ignored her back. I knew she was still pissed at me from last night.

"I did, and he can't say anything." I said referring to Carlisle.

"True. So, what are you doing the rest of the evening?" Emmett asked as he began groping Rose. I turned away, not in the mood to watch.

"Have no fucking idea." I sighed in boredom. "You going somewhere?" I asked. When he didn't answer I turned to see why only to find him fucking licking and sucking Rosalie's neck as she began moaning lightly. I shook my head before getting up and heading inside. I couldn't believe my brother was getting some and I wasn't.

I headed over to the TV in the lounge and kicked my feet up onto the coffee table. A few minutes later I heard the front door open and close before Carlisle appeared in the lounge.

"Who bought a TV?" He asked raising an eyebrow. He must have seen the boxes outside.

"I did." I replied keeping my eyes on the TV. He went silent and I looked over at him wondering why he wasn't saying anything.

"How much?"

"It's within my budget so chill before you get your knickers in a knot."

"By the looks of things it's within your monthly budget not weekly budget."

"It's still within a budget." I replied dryly.

"Where's Emmett?"

"Outside sucking face."

"Ok," He sighed. "Well I won't be home till tomorrow morning so…"

"Work?"

"Ah, no." He answered before walking off. I stared at the empty spot where he was just standing wondering where the fuck he would be that required him not to come home. He was probably fucking some chick for all I know. I don't believe for a second he's gone over two years without pussy.

Emmett and Rosalie walked in a while later and took their seats on the other couch. Emmett slipped in a movie which we watched before they both headed upstairs to his room so Emmett could get ready before they left. I realized I was going to be home by myself. I began to wonder if Bella was doing anything. Both her girlfriends were going out so she couldn't be doing anything with them. But then that left Jacob. She could be doing something with Jacob.

I was tempted to call her. I decided I'll just send her a message, see what happens.

**Hope you weren't hung over this morning.**

I tried to keep it casual like I was just bored. It was a few minutes later she replied.

**Luckily no. And I remember everything clearly…cupcakes? :P I still have your jacket.**

I smiled to myself as I realized she was making fun of me. I felt like writing I was craving some cupcakes now but decided against it.

**My jacket… could you bring it over?**

I figured this would be a good excuse as any to get her over here.

**Sure, now?**

**Yes now.**

**K, be there soon :)**

I threw my phone onto the couch beside me and got up, making my way to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of coke and drank some as I headed upstairs to my room. I took a quick shower and slipped on a pair of jeans and green t-shirt. I put on my new Nikes before I headed back downstairs. As I was descending the stairs a timid knock came from the front door. I brushed my hands a few times through my damp hair and swung the door open.

There she was, in a pair of faded jeans and a black Abercrombie hoodie, looking hot as ever. Her hair was out in all its wavy glory, down her shoulders and framing her beautiful face. Fuck, she looked so beautiful. I gave her my crooked smile, my heart beating in rapid excitement at her presence. She smiled back at me as I moved aside for her to enter. She had my leather jacket clutched in one hand.

"Hey." She said shyly stepping in.

"Hi." I shut the door behind her and turned to her. She held out my jacket.

"Thanks for that." She said as I took it from her.

"No problem." She hesitated for a bit before she turned back to the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked with furrowed brows.

"Ah… I just came to drop off your jacket. I was going to-"

"Well, since you're here why don't you keep me some company?" I smiled at her hoping she would say yes.

"Ok, then. Are you sure?" She asked sounding uncertain and chewing on her bottom lip nervously.

"I wouldn't offer if I wasn't sure." I explained. "Would you like a drink?" I asked heading to the kitchen.

"Sure." She replied following me. I pulled out the bottle of coke and poured her a glass before handing it to her. She thanked me as she took it and sipped it timidly.

"Hey, I want to show you something." I said turning for the stairs. She followed me up the stairs where I led her to my bedroom. As soon as she walked in her eyes found the LCD and a grin formed on her face before she turned to me.

"When did this happen?" She asked.

"Just today when I was out with Jasper. It was last minute decision." I answered shrugging a shoulder and walking over to the black leather couch and slumping down onto it. Her eyes followed me.

"You got a couch too?" She asked.

"About two weeks ago. This room was too empty. I needed to fill it up somehow." She stood in place biting her lip. She looked uncomfortable for some reason.

"You ok?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at her. She nodded and smiled reassuringly at me. "Ok, want to watch some TV or something? I haven't tried it out yet. You will be the first." I smirked.

"I'm your first for something then." She smiled. I looked up at her cocking an eyebrow, confused at what she meant. She blushed a deep crimson before she explained. "Last night… you were my first with the smoke, the alcohol…" She trailed off looking embarrassed at what she said. I chuckled lightly.

"I guess you are my first with this then." I patted the space beside me indicating for her to take a seat as I grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. She settled beside me, her drink held in her hands in her lap. I flicked through the channels trying to find something to watch.

"It's got a great picture," She said after a while.

"It does. Want to watch a movie?" My DVD player was on the floor as I had nothing to sit it on.

"Ok."

"Want to come with me? Emmett's room has all the DVD's. There are hundreds." She nodded and stood up, following me out of my room and down the hall to Emmett's room.

We walked in and his bed was a mess, not surprised considering he and Rose spent almost the whole day in here, but other than that everything else was pretty tidy. I headed over to his cabinet where all his DVD's sat. I let Bella scan through them as I stood aside and watched her. My hands were twitching to touch her hair and run my fingers through it.

"I don't know… what do you like?" She asked turning back to me.

"I tell you what, how about I just randomly pick one out?" I offered. She nodded in agreement.

I shut my eyes and stuck my hand on a random DVD and pulled it out, I opened my eyes and without looking at the cover I handed it to Bella. She took a glance at the cover and gasped, her face turning red.

"Fuck!" I muttered, knowing straight away what it must be to cause that reaction from her, "Its porn isn't it?" I said holding my hand out for the DVD.

"Ah… yes." She blushed and giggled lightly. I glanced at the cover and there you have it, _Debbie does Dallas_. Fucking Emmett.

"Sorry." I mumbled before I shoved it back in its place.

This time I kept my eyes open and just pulled out the first DVD my fingers touched. I gave it a quick glance before holding it up, making sure it wasn't another porno.

"Top Gun, have you seen if before?"

"No I haven't." I think my mouth fell open.

"You've never seen Top Gun?" I asked in disbelief. She shook her head.

"No. Is Tom Cruise in it?" She asked her brows furrowing in deep thought.

"Yes, Tom fucking Cruise is in it. One of his best movies actually, before the couch jumping shit began." I explained running a hand through my hair.

"He was in love." Bella said like it was so obvious.

"So you're telling me when someone falls in love its normal to jump on couches?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at her. She chuckled.

"Well, love is irrational." She shrugged. I stared at her for second thinking about what she said. I've never fucking been in love so I wouldn't know whether that was true or not.

"You believe in all that love shit?" I asked.

"Well, I've never been in love but I'm surrounded by those that are and from observation I do." I wasn't sure what to say to that. I knew deep down that if it came to it I'd do anything for her. I may not be in love just yet but fuck I really liked her.

"Alright, then lets go watch this movie." I said. We made our way back to my room where I put the DVD in the player and started it up. I switched off all the lights so that the only source of light was coming from the TV. Bella was already seated on the couch waiting for me. I walked over to my drawer and pulled out my Stoli and poured some into my glass of coke.

"Would you like some?" I asked holding the bottle up.

"I'm ok." She replied with a shake of her head. I screwed the top back on and took my seat beside Bella, with my drink in my hands. The movie started and we settled ourselves comfortably and watched in silence. I could smell her, just like strawberries and vanilla. Like the sweetest motherfucking cupcakes. I could feel my dick stirring within my pants just from her scent. It made it worse when half way through the movie she took off her hoodie, leaving her in a black tank. Fuck, her arms and shoulders were bare and all creamy white. I adjusted myself in my spot, trying to hide the prominent bulge between my legs that was just getting worse.

Throughout the movie I explained to her the story when she looked confused as to what was going on. She seemed to be enjoying it though and that was all that mattered to me.

"I feel the need… the need for speed." I said with Tom Cruise's character Maverick. Bella giggled beside me. I looked at her and shrugged. "It's the best line in the fucking movie."

"I can see that." She said trying to stifle another giggle. "There was a lot of passion behind that."

"What can I say? I'm fucking passionate about that line." I laughed. She shook her head at me before returning her attention back to the movie.

"You know, you can take your shoes off it will make you more comfortable." I pointed out when I noticed her adjusting herself on the couch trying to find a comfortable position.

"Ok, thanks." She smiled softly before slipping off her white sneakers and placing them neatly beside her at the foot of the couch. She brought her knees up and hugged her legs against her chest, resting her chin on her knees. We returned to the movie and watched the rest of it in silence, with the exception of me saying the lines along with some of the characters… Emmett and I have seen the movie more times than I can count.

Once it finished I got up and stretched before walking over to the DVD player and switching it off and switching the channel over to the TV, settling it on some random show.

"Did you like that?" I asked turning back toward her. She had her head resting on the back of the couch but lifted it up to look at me when I spoke to her.

"It was really good actually. I hadn't expected to like it that much."

"Well, its one of the greatest movies of all time." I explained. I looked around the room wondering what to do next. I walked back over to the couch and picked up my drink that I had sitting on the floor beside it and downed the rest of it.

"I'm sorry about Rosalie last night." She blurted out. I turned to face her, my eyebrows shooting up at the sudden turn in conversation.

"It's not your fault, Bella. I've had a feeling from day one she doesn't like me." I shrugged. "Fuck, I don't really like her either." I admitted.

"She can be a little intimidating when she wants to be." She explained. I scoffed.

"She doesn't intimidate me. She just gets on my fucking nerves that's all. I'd rather keep my distance." I said sitting back down on the couch beside her. I raked both hands through my hair, resting my head on the back of the couch.

"Would you like something to eat?" I asked lifting my head back up to look at her.

"I'm ok but if you're hungry go ahead."

"I am hungry. But I'd like a smoke first." I said standing up and grabbing my pack off of my desk. She stood up and followed me out of the room and down the stairs.

We stepped out onto the patio both of us taking a seat by the table. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it up sitting back in my chair and relaxing.

"It's Jazz and Alice's 7 month anniversary today." I pointed out taking a drag.

"Yeah, they celebrate every month. They're like that. He is a hopeless romantic too and she just loves all that kind of stuff." She explained, hugging her knees against her chest again.

"Yeah, he drove me fucking nuts all morning today just to pick out a god damn necklace." I said with a shake of my head.

"They're like that." She laughed. "Jasper sort of makes it hard for guys around him. He always knows the right things to say and do."

"I can tell."

I finished my drag before we both headed back inside. I went straight for the fridge and began scanning through its contents only to find nothing. So I walked into the pantry and did the same… nothing. I walked back to the fridge thinking maybe I missed something in there worth eating.

"This is bull shit." I muttered.

"What's wrong?"

"There is absolute shit to eat as per usual." I said irritably shutting the fridge and turning back to Bella. She walked over to the fridge and opened it up again, scanning its contents for herself. "What are you doing?"

"There are a lot of ingredients in here that will make a nice snack. Depends on what you like." I stared at her dumbfounded. Ingredients for a snack? Where?

"The fridge is always fucking full of useless shit. I don't see where…" I trailed off when she began pulling out different ingredients from the fridge and then shut it, turning to the counter and looking at me with a smirk.

"I'll make you something. What do you like to eat?" She asked. I scanned the contents she pulled out and couldn't see how they could make something edible.

"Ah… I don't know." I said running a hand through my hair. She chuckled before she walked over to the bread bin and pulled out a bread roll. She cut it through the centre splitting it in two.

"What are you making?" I asked watching in fascination as she moved around the kitchen with ease.

"A BLT." She answered as she turned the grill on and then proceeded to place the rolls, cut side up on a baking tray and slide them under the grill to toast. I took a seat on a kitchen stool opposite her and watched, enjoying how comfortable she was. "You like BLT's right?" she froze looking up at me.

"Sure I do." I answered. She gave me a small smile before she continued her mission.

"The kitchen seems like your comfort zone." I observed.

"It is. I've been doing it everyday for 5 years." She said as she opened up a pack of bacon and threw them into a skillet she already had warming on the stove.

"So you just taught yourself?"

"Pretty much. My mum is horrible in the kitchen. She could burn water she is so bad." She laughed. I sat back and admired her ease. Especially her laugh, she looked absolutely gorgeous when she smiled.

"That sounds like Emmett and me." I admitted with a chuckle.

"Then who cooks? Your dad I hope."

"When he is home he makes the effort to, otherwise Emmett and I just eat leftovers or if there aren't any we just eat simple shit like turkey sandwiches and all that. But they're never that great."

"I can teach you. Cooking is easy. It's all about the basics. Once you learn the basics it's really simple." She explained walking over to the skillet of bacon and turning them over. I smiled at the offer. Anything to have her near me is a great idea.

"Maybe I'll take you up on that offer."

"Do you have any avocado?" She asked.

"Fuck if I know." I said. She headed into the pantry, emerging a second later with an avocado.

"We actually had some?" I asked in surprise.

"You did. There are about 5 in there."

"Fuck, I don't even know where the hell they came from." I said. She glanced at me from underneath her lashes with slight amusement before she turned back to the grill and pulled out the bread rolls that were a nice golden brown on top.

"You'd normally use focaccia for a BLT but I had to make do with what you had." She explained. My eyebrows shot up. Focaccia?

"Focaccia?" I asked. "What the fuck is focaccia?" She chuckled with a shake of her head.

"It's a flat oven baked Italian bread. I can see teaching you to cook might be a little harder than I anticipated." She laughed. Her laugh was so beautiful with the way her face lit up.

"No shit. It sounded like a name of some porn star or something." She laughed even harder.

"Maybe Emmett would know." She said, blushing slightly.

I watched her as she put the sandwich together, spreading on the mayonnaise, layering the lettuce, tomato, avocado and bacon. She topped it with the other bread half and placed it in front of me on the counter. I raised an eyebrow at it. It looked and smelled so fucking good.

"You're not going to eat?" I asked my mouth watering at the sight of it.

"I ate before I came." She said as she began cleaning up.

"Hey." I said to her. She stopped and turned to me. "Leave all that shit and sit with me. I don't like eating alone." I said with a smirk. She smiled and nodded as she took the stool beside me.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"No, sit down." I said as I picked it up and took a bite, too hungry to worry about manners. I groaned as soon as the first bite hit my mouth. Fuck that tasted so good. I chewed it, enjoying it way too fucking much and swallowed it, turning to Bella.

"Well fuck me if that isn't the best BLT I've ever had. Fuck it, it's the best food I've ever had." I said before shoving another mouthful and biting it off. She chuckled.

"I'm glad you like it."

We talked casually while I finished up my sandwich and fuck if I wasn't disappointed once I'd finished it. I could have eaten three of those fuckers and still not had enough.

I stood up and took my plate to the sink and when I turned around I saw Bella wiping down the benches, "Hey, stop that." I said grabbing her wrist lightly to stop her from wiping down the bench. She stopped and looked up at me, the electric current shooting through us with so much force it felt like it was crackling. The warm buzz was shooting up my arm and through my body as our eyes locked.

"Drop the rag." I demanded softly, still holding her wrist. She relaxed her hand allowing the rag to drop to the bench. We were still staring at each other. The warmth in her eyes overwhelming me with their intensity.

With the hand I had grabbing her wrist, I loosened my grip and slid my hand into hers, intertwining our fingers together. It was a subtle way of showing her I wanted her. Her eyes darted to our joined hands for a brief second before she met her warm brown eyes back with mine. I brought up our joined hands to my mouth and placed a soft kiss on the back of hers, her eyes never leaving mine. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to fucking kiss her so badly and a part of me knew she wanted it too.

There was a sudden charge surrounding us, as we stared at each other, neither one of us able to look away. Her eyes darted to my lips and then she licked her own before she looked back into my eyes. She wanted me to kiss her. She didn't have to say it and I didn't need to hear the words because her eyes were telling me, pleading with me. And I wanted nothing more than to kiss her too.

My heart was thrashing against my chest in anticipation. I've never felt this excited and this eager to kiss anyone before. There was a _need_ I was feeling to feel her lips against mine not just a want. I turned us around so that her back was against the kitchen bench. She didn't hesitate or resist so I knew there was no doubt in her mind. I let go of her hand before resting both of mine on either side of her on the bench. I could see her parted lips, her chest rising with each erratic breath. I leaned in till my lips were at her ear, whispering into it, "I want to kiss you Bella… so badly." Her breath caught in her throat as I moved back to look into her eyes, my face only mere inches from hers.

"Can I?" I asked my eyes searching hers for any sort of resistance. There wasn't any. She nodded, licking her lips as her eyes darted to mine. I raised one hand and cupped her cheek, my four fingers digging into the hair at the back of her neck. A shaky breath escaped her as my eyes closed for a second and when I opened them I found her features had softened and she seemed to relax as I grazed thumb along the apple of her cheek, enjoying the heavenly feel of her soft silky skin. Fuck, how long I've wanted to touch her skin like this and now I was finally doing it. She leaned her head slightly into my hand, her eyes becoming lidded but staying locked with mine.

I took a step forward so that our bodies were touching and leaned in a bit but then stopped, giving her time to stop me if need be. She didn't.

"Edward." My name escaped her lips in a breath and I felt my heart stutter at the sound and my dick twitch within my pants.

I leaned in more, her warm sweet breath on my face now causing my heart to thump loudly and violently against my rib cage. There was nothing more I wanted in this moment than to feel her lips against mine. I leaned in all the way, allowing my lips to brush against hers softly and delicately before I withdrew slightly, enough that our noses were still touching, giving her a second to stop me if she wanted. When I sensed no hesitation, I brought my lips back to hers, parting mine slowly so I could nip at her lips lightly. Taking her bottom lip in between mine, I sucked on it softly earning a soft moan to escape her. My dick throbbed at the sound causing me to press my body up against hers so that she was pressed against the bench. My hand tightened around her face in desperation as I continued to kiss her, loving the way her lips felt against mine. I began rubbing my thumb across her cheek willing her to relax her lips and she did finally. My free hand went to her hip, resting there while I let the tip of my tongue graze her bottom lip wondering how far she would let me in. She opened up for me straight away allowing my tongue to come into contact with hers, I let out a deep guttural groan that rumbled through my chest at how fucking good that felt. I pulled back a little again, but one of her hands trailed from my shoulder to the back of my neck, gripping my hair, and pulling my face back to hers. My grip on her hip tightened as her tongue darted out again to graze against mine softly. I took her bottom lip and sucked on it lightly before pulling back again, allowing my forehead to rest against hers.

She was breathing heavily as was I. I was feeling overwhelmed, completely taken by the sensations that this kiss erupted in me. There was complete silence in the house, the only sound coming from our heavy breathing.

"That puts me further in the fucking lead, 3 to 1." I said breathlessly. She pulled back all the way and looked at me quizzically as her hands dropped from the nape of my neck. I chuckled as I let go of her face. "Firsts. I just gave you your first kiss so that pushes me further in the lead." Recognition crossed her features as she smiled shyly and blushed, looking down between us.

"Was it worth your while?" I asked with my crooked smile. She still seemed to be in a daze. "Bella?" I asked when she stood there in silence. I was beginning to worry she that might be regretting it. She looked up at me and smiled softly as she nodded.

"I… that was… I mean…yes." She chuckled nervously before dropping her head and burying her face into her hands. I chuckled before prying her hands away from her face and placing a finger under her chin and making her look at me.

"Tell me." I pleaded softly, needing to know what she was feeling.

"Nothing… that was just really nice." She let nervously.

"Fucking nice." I muttered with a shake of my head. Everything today was nice. "Just nice?"

"It was a lot more than nice." She was biting her lip nervously. I pulled her against my chest and hugged her, wrapping my arms around her. Her arms came around my waist and I reveled in her touch and the feel of her body against mine. I just hoped she couldn't feel my straining cock against her stomach.

I pulled back after a moment and gave her a little kiss on the tip of her nose. "I've been wanting to do that for so fucking long." I admitted. Surprise flashed in her eyes at what I said. "And I bet you've wanted me to kiss you for a while now, yeah?" I smirked sounding like a fucking cocky ass. She chuckled.

"Yes, actually I have." She said smiling at me softly. I leaned in again, pressing my lips against her softly. Her hands found the hair at the nape of my neck tugging it softly. She was making it hard for me to hold back because if it was up to me I would lift her up onto the bench and kiss the fuck out of her but I couldn't… not so soon anyway. I pulled back eventually, Bella smiling bright at me. She looked so flawless and beautiful.

"How bout you help me tidy up here and then we'll head upstairs and hang out?" I suggested knowing I needed a break from all this temptation. She nodded with a smile and pulled all the way from my arms. I missed the contact straight away. We cleaned up in silence. I wasn't sure about her but my mind was going through the kiss over and over again in my head. I couldn't believe I finally kissed her and I couldn't fucking believe how good it felt. I never knew kissing someone could feel so fucking good.

It didn't take us long to clean considering it was just a sandwich. I grabbed her hand just needing her contact again and I led her upstairs back to my room, shutting the door behind me. She sat down on the edge of my bed, fiddling with her fingers. I knew she was nervous about what happened down stairs and it sort of changed the dynamics of everything between us. She looked so fucking sexy sitting on my bed all innocent like. I wanted to kiss her again but I didn't want to overwhelm her.

I walked over to my stereo and turned some music on before taking a seat beside her on the bed, my body turned to face her. She looked at me shyly, I knew this was all new to her so she was nervous.

"Want to tell me what you're thinking?" I asked desperate to know what going through her head. She shook her head as she turned to me, a faint blush gracing her cheeks.

"Do you want me to kiss you again Bella?" I asked with a smirk. Her blush was giving her away. When she didn't say anything I knew that was a 'yes'. I cupped her face again with one hand, my fingers digging into her hair as my hand went to the back of her neck, my thumb resting just underneath her ear. She looked into my eyes and once again the warmth in them overwhelmed me so fucking much at the ease and comfort they never failed to arise in me. She turned her body to me slightly to make it easier for me to kiss her. I leaned in, my heart picking up speed immensely in anticipation; the impatience to kiss her again was eating away at my insides. I closed the distance between us, my eyes closing just as my lips brushed against hers, this time a light moan escaping me as soon as the contact was made. I moved my lips against hers, willing her to relax and part her lips for me. One of her hands found its way into the back of my head, gripping my hair tightly but not enough to be painful as my free hand found her thigh where I caressed it innocently. She parted her lips a little allowing me take her bottom lip in between mine and suck on it, releasing it and then taking her top lip and doing the same. I could hear her breathing pick up and become erratic. I pulled away a little before returning my lips to hers, brushing my tongue along her bottom lip, hoping she would allow me entrance, she did. I tilted my head a little as she opened up a little more for me allowing my tongue to find hers, hoping I wouldn't freak her out, I circled the tip of my tongue around the tip of hers, taking it slow as not to overwhelm her. Her grip on my hair tightened as she spun her body all the way around to face me. I couldn't believe the emotions that were coursing through me. I was so fucking turned on it was painful and it was taking me a lot of self control not to take her right now. I never knew kissing could be such a beautiful and overwhelming expression. Kissing for me was always a necessity to get a girl into bed, it was never something I wanted to do and it _never _ever felt this fucking good. I didn't want to stop, she was consuming me. I could feel it and I couldn't believe how quick it was consuming me, how quick my feelings for her were developing.

I pulled back then gave her one last quick kiss before pulling back all the way, my hand still resting at the back of her neck. I wasn't ready to let go of her. Her eyes opened slowly as a smile crept onto her lips.

"Well, I hope that was better than just fucking nice." I said. She chuckled lightly and nodded, gazing into my eyes.

"It was." She hesitated for a second before she grabbed my hand that was still on her leg and brought it up to rest over her heart, it didn't escape me how fucking close I was to her beautiful breasts but surprisingly I got distracted because her heart was beating a tattoo into her chest. It was beating viciously hard and quick, I couldn't believe I did that to her. I grabbed her hand then and placed it over mine, showing her that she had just the same fucking effect over me. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise as her eyes focused on our hands over my heart.

"See what you do to me?" I asked willing her to look into my eyes and see how sincere I was. She looked up into my eyes and smiled. With my hand still gripping hers over my heart, I pulled them away and made her stand up. She stood up looking confused at first as to what I was doing before pulling her into my lap, her legs between mine as she sat on one leg. I kissed her just underneath her ear, causing her to gasp lightly. I pulled away not wanting to suddenly attack her. I pulled her close against me, my hands wrapped around her tiny waist.

"What time do you have to be home?" I asked not ready to let her go anytime soon.

"Eleven is my curfew." She answered. I glanced over at the clock that sat beside my bed, it read 9:30pm. Ok, so I had just over an hour with her.

I glanced back at her and couldn't believe how beautiful she was, "You're beautiful Bella. Absolutely fucking gorgeous." I stated never feeling so positive of anything before. Her eyes snapped to mine in shock. "You don't take compliments too well do you?" I observed squeezing her waist. She shook her head.

"Not really, no." She answered.

"Well, you're going to have to get used to them." I smiled crookedly at her. She smiled at me, before resting her head onto my shoulder.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked. I was just happy with sitting down and hugging her but I wasn't sure if she would be comfortable with that. She shrugged.

"I don't care, whatever you feel like doing."

"Come here." I lifted her from my lap and walked over to the couch, pulling her by the hand with me. I sat down and sat her down beside me, cuddling her into my side as I flicked through the TV channels. She rested her head onto my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. I lifted a hand and began running my fingers through her hair, loving how soft and silky it felt between my fingers.

We spent the next hour just chatting and watching some shit on TV about celebrity divorces. I wasn't really watching. My mind was with Bella and how good she felt snuggled up into my side as I stroked her hair. I was occasionally giving her kisses on the top of her head just because I couldn't help it.

Eventually she pulled herself away from me to glance at the night stand where the clock was. She looked over at me apologetically.

"I have to leave." I frowned at her which caused her to chuckle lightly.

"Can I get one more kiss before you go at least?" I asked giving her my crooked grin. I knew that shit worked all the time. She nodded and waited. I shook my head at her.

"I want you to kiss me this time." I smirked. Her eyes widened a little in fear as she shook her head quickly.

"Edward I… I wouldn't know… I don't know how." She said eventually, looking really embarrassed. I leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"Well, I'll be the judge of that." I said pleading with my eyes and hoping it would work. It took her a few moments before she kneeled down beside me so that she was facing me. I turned my body to face her so that we were face to face. I waited. She leaned in slowly and hesitantly till her lips touched mine. She pulled back pretty much straight away just till her lips were barely touching mine. Then before I knew it her lips pressed to mine again, moving against mine hesitantly and slowly. I followed her lead, parting my lips only slightly as did she. But I kept my tongue in my mouth not wanting to push her too far. I knew she was worried as it was, considering she had never kissed anyone before. My hands went to her hips, pulling her against me but she pulled away as I did. She looked down between us straight away, her face flush.

"I really liked that." I admitted. She shook her head, still looking down in her lap. I placed my finger under her chin and made her look at me. "I mean it."

"You're just being nice." She said searching my eyes.

"I never 'just be nice' Bella. It was the truth." I explained and it was. She smiled at me as she stood up. I got up reluctantly not wanting her to go just yet but knew she had a curfew to follow. We walked downstairs to the door where she turned to face me, smiling shyly.

"I had fun." She said biting her bottom lip.

"Good, so did I." I smiled back. I could tell she was out of her element. "Come here." I grabbed her hand and pulled her against my chest, hugging her. Her arms wrapped around me quickly, her face nuzzling into my chest.

"I will see you tomorrow." I said not asked.

"Ok." She said sounding surprised.

I let her go and opened the door for her, watching her climb into her truck. Once she had driven off I closed the door and stood in place, still fucking in a daze over the night. There were so many fucking emotions running through me, thrill, relief, lust, excitement. But there was one thing I was sure as fuck about…

I was falling in love with Bella Swan.

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**They finally did it huh? I'm sure alot of you are sighing in relief but i was just waiting till it came naturally. What did you think of it??**

**Next chapter should be up next week because of Christmas and all that.**

**Happy Holidays to all and have a great weekend!  
**


	13. Settling In

**A/N- Well hello! Sorry this took a while to post... RL just takes up too much time sometimes.**

**Its NYE here already! Well its still only midday but you get the gist, i have 12 hours till i hit 2010 and then the rest of you will still be stuck in 2009... unless you live in NZ hehe. This has been a great year for me, nothing major happened but just good all round. I was introduced into the world of Twilight and FF in March this year and all i can say to that is what the hell was i doing in my spare time before then? Its a great family to be a part of and i couldn't be happier!! :D**

**Shout out to my Beta luv4jake for being so great... you're the best.**

**Virtual family, love you all to freakin bits you don't know just how much.**

Stephanie owns Twilight...

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**BPOV**

"Don't you just love it?"

"It is very pretty." I agreed. "Jazz really knows you too well."

"That's why I love him so much. He took me to this beautiful Italian restaurant in Port Angeles where the food was just to die for. And then afterwards he took me to the park where we laid down and just watched the stars all wrapped in each other. He is the perfect gentleman." Alice sighed, a relaxed smile on her face as she remembered her night. I hated myself for it but I couldn't deny it, I was jealous of Alice's relationship with Jasper. They were so fitted together, so perfect for one another. I could only wish to find anything remotely close to what they have.

She began fingering the beautiful pendant around her neck that Jazz gave her for their 7 month anniversary again. Ever since she arrived at my place about an hour ago that's all she's been doing, recalling her night to me as she played with the necklace. To be honest I found it quite odd to celebrate every month as a big occasion but what Alice wants, she gets. And nothing compared to seeing Alice so happy. Her mood was so infectious.

"So what did you do last night?" She asked me casually. I sat back into the couch and bit the inside of my cheek to hide the grin that was threatening to appear. I haven't been able to wipe this stupid grin off my face since last night. More specifically since Edward kissed me.

As soon as I thought those words I grinned, my attempts at hiding it, failing. Alice looked at me curiously when I didn't answer and saw me grinning.

"What's the grin for?" Alice asked suspiciously a faint smile at her lips as she studied me. Alice was great at reading me but I was hoping to keep last night to myself. It still felt like a dream to me. The thought of somebody like Edward kissing me was hard to believe. But the faint tingle that I still felt on my lips was a constant reminder that it did happen and it wasn't a dream.

The thing I hadn't expected last night was to see Edward. Renee and Phil were out like they are most Saturday nights so I was home alone, in my room and just listening to music as I read. The sound of my phone going off had startled me. A text from Edward was the last thing I expected. He'd suggested I drop off his jacket and I had blushed even though I was alone, because I was pathetically sitting in my room wearing his jacket over my pajamas. I hadn't been able to take it off since he gave it to me Friday night. It smelt so good. It smelt just like him and I had almost become addicted to it, burying my nose into it every now and then to get the strong waft of his cologne.

It didn't take long for me to agree to drop off his jacket since I'd take any reason to see Edward. Arriving at his house I knew not to expect much. All I had expected was to drop off the jacket and leave. I figured to myself he was probably going out and needed his jacket. So when he invited me in to hang out with him, my jaw almost dropped.

I had to admit he looked sexy. Actually sexy is not even good enough to describe the way he looked. His hair was damp, presumably from just stepping out of the shower and he wore a green t-shirt that just accentuated the green in his eyes and made them look so bright. I found them so hypnotizing and each time I looked into them my heart would pick up speed.

Sitting so close to him on the couch and watching Top Gun felt so good. I could feel the electric current buzzing softly between us that it was hard to ignore. I had to keep taking control over myself because the close proximity at which we were sitting was making my heart go erratic and crazy.

I'd made him a sandwich, happy that I could do something for him and the grin on his face and the moans that were escaping him as he was eating it, was worth it and I wanted to keep doing that for him if that was the reaction I was going to get every time.

As soon as he had grasped onto my wrist to halt my cleaning I felt an intense humming of electricity surround us. My breathing picked up dramatically and I even felt a little light headed at the contact. I still couldn't believe the control he possessed over my body. He linked his fingers with mine, taking me totally by surprise, the gesture intimate but it felt so good… so right.

I already had a sense that he was going to kiss me but hearing the words come out of his mouth caused my heart to almost falter in surprise and anticipation. All I could do was nod. I cannot begin to describe the sensations that overtook me as soon as his lips made contact with mine. My heart was about to jump out of my chest it was beating viciously and aggressively. The warmth of his hand against my cheek and his fingers digging into my hair was all too much, it felt so intimate. It wasn't just a kiss, at least that's not what I gathered from it. Most first kisses I hear about are during a drunken state, or spur of the moment making them aggressive and sloppy. But not this one, not Edward's kiss. The way his mouth moved against mine, the way his tongue lightly brushed against mine and massaged it, I had moaned lightly, unable to control how my body reacted. Even the other two kisses in his bedroom were just as sensual and slow, nothing can even begin to compare to how good they felt.

So I was still in shock that it actually happened. Edward Cullen had wanted to kiss me. I could feel it but I couldn't understand it. I've never seen myself as a girl that guys want, it just wasn't me. I was very ordinary, nothing special. I was the girl that guys liked as a friend but too boring to make into anything more.

"Ok, let it out." Alice said snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked, trying to gather my thoughts and bring myself back to the present.

"That grin. It's been plastered on your face since I came in this morning and I can recognize that grin from anywhere, spill!" She demanded, placing her hands on her hips. I got up from the couch to avoid her stare. I wasn't about to tell anyone about what happened. My friends tend to read too much into things, things that probably aren't there. Once I figure out for myself where this actually puts Edward and me, I'll tell Alice and Rosalie about it.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Can't I just be in a good mood without it meaning anything?" I asked walking to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. I took a drink and turned around to find Alice standing right behind me, staring at me expectantly with an eyebrow cocked at me.

"I don't believe you. I'll let it slide for now, but I'll get it out of you." She said pointedly. I rolled my eyes trying to play it off. "Want to go shopping?" She asked picking an apple out of the fruit bowl and picking at it.

"Not really considering I don't have much of my allowance left. I don't get anymore till next week." I shrugged.

"You really should consider Mike's job offer."

"I know, maybe as the holidays approach when I'll need money for gifts and all that."

"Come with me, I'll buy you whatever you want, you know that." Alice offered. And it was true, her and Rosalie always offered to buy me things when I couldn't afford it. I rarely took their offer. The only times I did was when they would go purchase whatever it is I mentioned I liked without me seeing them. I make a note now to keep my opinions to myself.

"Thanks, but you know I'm not comfortable with that."

"I know." she sighed in annoyance. "Then what do you want to do?" Edward had said he wanted to see me today but I wasn't sure when. It was almost noon and I didn't want to sit and wait around for his call and then have him not call at all.

"Call Rose." I suggested. She grabbed her phone and called Rose. It turned out Rose was just about to leave for Emmett's house but said she would drop by here on her way.

Alice and I settled in front of the TV while we waited for Rose, chatting casually. It wasn't long until Rosalie arrived looking as flawless as ever. She was in a grey sweater dress matched with black stockings and grey and black ballet flats.

"Well, Emmett called and wanted me over. I think we're going to see a movie or something." Rosalie said taking a seat beside me. "What's with you?" Rosalie asked suddenly, studying me suspiciously. Was I really that obvious?

"Told you so." Alice smirked at me. I buried my face into my hands and groaned.

"Would you both stop? There is nothing going on." I was not prepared to say anything _at all_ to Rosalie. I was well aware of her sour feelings toward Edward, so news that he kissed me would not go over well with her… at all.

"Bull shit, you're lying." Rosalie said. Alice giggled. They knew me way too well.

"How about that shopping that trip, huh? Just give me a minute to grab some shoes and we'll take off." I said jumping up from the couch and hurrying upstairs before they questioned my happiness anymore.

Rosalie called Emmett to put off the movies for later tonight so she could go shopping with us. We headed out to Port Angeles while they shopped and I gave my opinions about their outfits. I could never understand how much clothing one person needed. But then again that would be one advantage of having a walk in closet.

Three hours later we were on our way back home. We drove through a McDonalds and grabbed some food which we ate in the McDonald's parking lot in the car, before continuing on home. Emmett called Rosalie on our way and it turned out Jasper was at his place hanging out. He invited us over to hang out with them. So Rosalie continued on toward Edward's house and I suddenly became extremely nervous. Would Edward be there? After last night, things have definitely changed between us. The dynamics of our relationship has changed. Will he acknowledge last night or has he come to his senses and realized I was a bad kisser and wouldn't want anything to do with me? I internally cursed myself for having these thoughts and freaking myself out. I was just going to play it by him and see how he reacts to me. Has he told Emmett and Jasper? Shit… I should have told him not to say anything to anyone last night.

"Bella?" Alice's voice snapped me out of my mental rambling as I saw her standing outside the car. I glanced behind her and realized we were already at Edward's house.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I climbed out.

She linked her arms with mine and leaned into my ear, "You're being weird today and I'm going to find out what it is sooner or later." She giggled. I shook my head knowing whatever I said would just be blown off.

I looked up at the front door and saw Rosalie already there wrapped in Emmett's arms as they made out. I looked away feeling like I was intruding on a private moment. By the time Alice and I were at the front door Rose and Emmett had pulled away from each other.

"Hi girls!" Emmett greeted with a grin.

"Hi Emmett." Alice and I said at the same time.

Alice let go of me and rushed in presumably to find Jasper. I stepped in awkwardly trying to discreetly scan the house for Edward.

"Ah… we'll be upstairs." Emmett said grabbing Rose's hand and pulling her toward the stairs. I shut the door behind me and walked in the direction of the lounge. I turned the corner and when I saw no sign of Edward, I felt a wave of relief and disappointment was over me simultaneously. I was relieved I didn't have to face him just yet but disappointed because the bigger part of me wanted to see him so badly. I realized then I hadn't bothered to notice if his car was even in the driveway. I said hi to Jasper who now had Alice sitting in his lap as I took a seat on the adjacent couch.

It was a moment later I heard some rattling in the kitchen. My heart skipped as I stiffened in my seat. I was desperate to turn around and see if it was Edward but didn't want to be obvious in front of Alice and Jazz.

"Hey beautiful." He whispered. My breath hitched when I felt his hot breath against my ear. I looked behind me to find Edward walking around the couch to face me. I glanced over at Alice and Jasper but they seemed enthralled in each other to have noticed the exchange or they were just good actors. Edward took the seat beside me.

"Hey, Alice." He said not even looking her way. Alice looked over at Edward and gave him a small smile.

"Hi," She replied.

I felt the electricity crackling between us as we sat and pretended to watch TV. I turned my head to look at him and found him staring at me. One side of his lip curled up into a crooked smile which made me grin back at him. I looked away back at the TV before either Alice or Jasper saw.

"You haven't seen my new TV have you?" Edward asked casually turning to me. I looked over at him slightly surprised but then realized he was trying to get me to go upstairs with him. I shook my head.

"No." I replied.

"Well then, let me show you." He said standing up. I stood up and noticed both Alice and Jasper were eyeing me with smirks on their faces. I knew they knew something was going on. I guess it was pretty obvious.

I turned and followed Edward toward the stairs. I could hear Emmett's music blaring from his room as we passed and realized he was in there with Rosalie. We got to Edward's room and he stood in the door way waiting for me to enter before him. I walked in slowly suddenly feeling nervous and not knowing what to expect. He stepped in after me, closing the door behind him and clicking the lock. He turned to face me with his crooked grin. I blushed feeling the intensity at which he was staring at me.

He continued staring at me saying nothing and it was just making me feel self conscious. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, squirming under his intense gaze.

"I like your TV." I smirked trying to break the intense silence.

"Me too." He said walking closer to me. My heart began beating faster with each step that brought him closer to me. I couldn't believe how much my body was aching for his touch.

"It's… ah… very nice." I said trying to breathe properly, his close proximity was making it hard to breathe evenly.

"Very nice." He agreed his voice sounding deep. He stopped right in front of me, the heat of his body radiating strongly off of him and onto me. I came to speak again but realized I couldn't, he had me locked under his gaze. He raised his hand to my face and ran his thumb over my bottom lip, pulling it out from between my teeth. I hadn't realized I had been chewing on it. "Very nice." He repeated staring at my lips and licking his own. I felt my breath hitch as soon as his eyes darted to my lips. Was he going to kiss me again?

"Do you know what else is very nice?" He asked, his voice low and husky. I came to say no but when I opened my mouth nothing came out, so I just shook my head a little. He leaned in till his lips were just barely touching mine and then spoke against them, "your lips." My eyes fluttered closed as I felt my knees almost buckle beneath me. He pressed his lips to mine and it felt like my body exploded into a rage of fire. I felt like an addict who had just been given their dose of the finest drug. I swallowed down the sigh that threatened to emerge as soon as our lips made contact. He moved his lips against mine slowly as if he was trying to savor the moment, revel in it. His other hand found my waist, pulling me against him and allowing my hands to reach up into the nape of his neck and pull at his hair. I loved his hair, his soft silky hair. He pulled away just as I thought he was going to deepen it and rested his forehead against mine, both of us breathing heavy.

"So you like my TV?" He teased trying to fight back a smirk as he pulled back but leaving his hands on my waist. I nodded.

"A lot." I agreed trying to calm my ragged breathing.

"You look very beautiful today by the way. You always look beautiful but today… you look even more beautiful." He said. I felt my eyes widen at his compliment as a deep blush graced my cheeks. I certainly didn't see myself as beautiful but I just smiled and thanked him. I was in my black jeans and grey sweater, so nothing spectacular to me.

"Thank you." I murmured, gnawing on my bottom lip.

"I haven't said anything to Jasper or Emmett about us, even though I'm pretty sure Jasper already fucking suspects something, the ass." He said with a shake of his head.

"I think Alice does too but I haven't said anything."

"Do you not want to say anything?" He asked, his hands finding mine and pulling me to the edge of his bed to sit down.

"Um… well not at the moment. I mean, we sorta know how everybody feels about us being together." I shrugged. "You know… Friday night."

"Fuck. They're all just a bunch of nosy dickheads who need to mind their own fucking business." He said angrily, running a hand through his hair.

"I know. They can get a little nosy. They have never been ones to mind their own business." I chuckled.

"Well, we'll keep it between us for now yeah?" He asked holding my hand and rubbing circles into the back of it.

"Sure."

"Well, let's fucking get downstairs before we give them something else to talk about." He said standing up and pulling me with him.

As Edward opened the door to his room, Emmett was just stepping out of his room with Rosalie behind him. She was brushing her fingers through her hair but froze as soon as she spotted us. Her eyes landed on Edward briefly, her eyes hard before she glanced over at me with a questioning gaze. I looked over at Emmett and he was just smirking at us.

"I was showing her my new TV so keep your fucking mouth shut." Edward said brushing past them and toward the stairs.

"I didn't even say anything." Emmett said incredulously sounding hurt.

"You didn't need to fucker." Edward called from the stairs as he walked down.

I stood there for a second under their gaze before brushing past them myself and heading down after Edward. I could hear Emmett and Rosalie murmur something to each other that was too low for me to hear before I heard their footsteps following behind me.

We got into the lounge where Jasper and Alice were lounging on the couch, Alice's head on Jasper's chest as he stroked through her short black hair. Rosalie slumped down on the couch beside me while Emmett and Edward were in the kitchen.

"Oh, what a nice surprise." All our heads spun around to see Dr. Cullen appear from around the corner, smiling at all of us. The first time I had met him I thought he seemed like such a caring gentlemen. His eyes are warm and friendly. But after the information Edward gave me the other night about his father's mistreatment of his mother I found it hard to feel that way anymore. His warm eyes make it hard to believe there is a cold side to him, something I couldn't picture.

"Good afternoon Dr. Cullen." Jasper greeted with a smile.

"Hello." Alice and Rosalie said at the same time.

"Hi." I smiled lightly, Edward's words in my head repeating over and over again and making it hard for me to act like I knew nothing.

"Bella, nice to see you again." He smiled at me. I nodded with an awkward smile, hating the way everyone's attention turned to me. Obviously Alice and Rosalie were unaware I had met him once before.

"You too Dr. Cullen." I replied.

"Hey, dad." Emmett appeared giving him a light slap on the back in greeting. Dr. Cullen rolled his eyes at his son, trying to fight back a smirk.

"Why don't you all stay for lunch, I know it's a little late for lunch but I'm just about to make some." He offered.

"You're making linner then." Emmett said. Dr. Cullen looked at his son with a confused expression before he understood, chuckling lightly.

"I guess I am." He said with a shake of his head.

"What are you making?" Emmett asked taking a seat on the arm chair.

"Whatever you feel like. What does everybody like?" He asked. We all shrugged. "Ok, I'll figure out something." He said with a smile before he disappeared down toward the kitchen.

Edward came back from the kitchen and sat down beside Jasper, while we all talked and watched TV. Edward and I kept stealing glances at each other when no one was looking. Or at least when we thought no one was looking. It still amazed me how just his eyes could arise such a reaction from my body, a racing heart, ragged breathing and the urge to be in his arms. I had to look away so many times otherwise I would have just thrown myself at him.

As we watched TV the aroma of garlic and tomatoes floated through the house. Dr. Cullen walked back out an hour later to tell us dinner was ready. He had made spaghetti Bolognese. We all got up serving ourselves a plate and then sat back down on the couches in front of the TV, our plates in our laps.

When we were done eating, it surprised me when both Emmett and Edward got up to rinse the dishes and put them in the dish washer. They never really struck me as the cleaning type so I assumed it was something that was expected of them from Dr. Cullen. It was almost 6 when Alice and Jasper decided to head off and Emmett and Rosalie wanted to go to the movies. Alice was leaving in Jasper's car while Emmett and Rosalie were going to head off in his Jeep and leave Rosalie's car behind for her to pick up on the way back. That left me car less. Edward was quick to jump to the opportunity to take me home.

"You ok with that?" Rosalie asked me as her eyes flickered between me and Edward.

"Yes, I'm fine." I said pointedly, hoping she would understand not to butt in any more.

"Ok, well I'll see you in school tomorrow." She hugged me goodbye before her and Emmett headed out the door, leaving Edward and I alone.

He ran a hand through his hair before slumping himself down the couch. I sat down beside him but kept a little distance since I knew Dr. Cullen was just down the hall.

"I still have my fucking homework that I haven't done for tomorrow." He sighed.

"I can help if you want." I offered. He turned his head toward me and smiled softly.

"You just want me alone in my bedroom don't you?" He teased. I blushed and looked down into my lap. His hand came up and caressed my warm cheek gently. "You blush so easily." He observed with a smile.

"A really bad trait of mine that I have no control over." I said wrinkling my nose.

"I think it's cute."

"You may think it's cute, I just find it embarrassing." He laughed.

"Let's get upstairs and get my fucked up homework out of way." He stood up and held his hand out for me. I took it and let him lead me upstairs.

We spent the next hour in his room while he worked on his homework and I went through his book collection again. He insisted I take whatever I like, whenever I like. I decided on 'The age of Innocence' since it was one of my favorite books. I was up to chapter 4, when I heard Edward huff for the third time within a minute. I glanced over at him and found him hunched over his open math book, his elbows resting on his desk with his hands clutching his hair tightly. He huffed again before dropping his head down onto his book with a light thud. I got up from his bed and walked over to him.

"Anything I can help with?" I asked. He lifted his head and turned to me, slamming his math book shut and swiveling around in his chair to face me.

"Nope."

"Are you sure, it looked like you were having some problems there." I stated glancing briefly at his book.

"Nope. Math is fucked up and I hate it and who ever created the shit deserves to rot in hell." He said pulling the ends of his hair in frustration. I bit back a chuckle.

"It's not all that bad, maybe I can help?" I offered again.

"Maybe for you but my fucked up brain can only comprehend so many numbers at once. Start adding equations and inequalities and you're just trying to fuck with my brain. I'm being serious here, who the fuck created this shit? Who sat their motherfucking ass down and decided 'lets start making numbers more complicated than they already fucking are' and start adding equations, letters, graphs and inequalities? Who the fuck was it because I'd like to go and find his grave and piss on it." He said in almost one breath. I bit my lip to hold back the laugh that was threatening to emerge. His face was so serious and focused as he rambled on that I couldn't help but find it amusing. He glanced up at me when I didn't respond before a smile crept onto his lips.

"In other words, I fucking hate math." He added with a smirk.

"Is that what you're trying to say?" I teased unable to hold in my laughter anymore. He shook his head as he laughed with me and pulled me into his lap.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to say." He said nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck and wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. Every time he touched me, every time he hugged me it still felt like a dream. I couldn't actually believe we were doing this.

There was a knock on the door that startled me. I came to climb out of Edward's lap but he pulled me back to him, clutching me tightly against him.

"It's just my dad."

"Ok." I said hesitantly. I didn't think he would want his dad knowing considering he would tell Emmett but it didn't seem to bother him.

"Come in." Edward sighed.

The door opened as Dr. Cullen stepped in. The expression in his eyes told me he hadn't expected to see Edward and I so close. I squirmed a little under his gaze.

"I'm heading out for a bit and I'm not sure what time I'll be home." He explained.

"Whatever." Edward said.

"Ok, well, Bella nice seeing you again. Take care." He said smiling warmly at me.

"Thank you. See you." I replied as he stepped back out. I couldn't help but notice how warm he was. I really couldn't picture the man Edward had explained to me who didn't treat his wife with respect.

"What do you want to do now?" Edward asked lifting me off his lap once Dr. Cullen had left. He walked over to his top desk drawer where he pulled out a bottle of vodka, unscrewed it and tipped it back.

"Whatever."

"Let's see what's on TV." He said grabbing the remote and switching it on. He walked over to his bed and sunk down onto it patting the space beside him for me to join him. He pulled his shoes off and scooted himself up till his back was against the head board. I walked over to him and pulled my converse shoes off and climbed in beside him.

"How long have you known Alice and Rosalie?" Edward asked me after a few minutes of silence.

"Since elementary school." I answered wondering why the sudden question.

"And you've known Jake longer right? Since you were like four or something?"

"Yeah, our parents were real close. Jake's mother passed away six years ago, a year before my parents divorced so we supported each other through that. I guess that's why we're so close." I paused for a second before I continued, "He really is a nice guy. He helped me a lot in the past that if it wasn't for him I don't know what would've happened to me." I said trying to ignore the faint aching in my chest that was starting to surface.

"How did he lose his mother?" I could tell from the tone of his voice that he had slight sympathy for him.

"Car accident. It was pouring rain one night, absolute down fall. She lost control of the car and crashed into a tree. She died on the way to hospital." I explained. "Jacob's mother was like a second mother to me. I was absolutely devastated when she died." I blinked back tears at the memory. "Jacob was at my place at the time when Billy called. I've never till this day seen Jacob react like he did that night. He lost it. He had a full blown anxiety attack, kicking, screaming, denial… too much for him to fathom." The painful images were flashing in my mind like it happened just yesterday. That was why I could never bear hurting Jacob. We were each other's rocks in the past and still very much are.

"Fuck." Edward muttered, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Are you ok?" I asked turning to face him. He ignored me as he got out of bed and grabbed the bottle of Stoli and tipped it back, taking a long swig. He walked over to his stereo and pulled out what looked like a screw driver as he began unscrewing it. I watched in silence as he pulled the cover off and pulled out a baggie of marijuana. From where I was sitting I could barely make out a few other little bags in there, one including what I assumed was cocaine. I watched as he screwed the cover back on and then disappeared out of the room without a word. I kept my eyes on the door, confused and scared as to what was happening. He walked back in with a bong. I continued to watch as he packed marijuana into the cone piece and then took a few hits. He seemed to be lost in another world, like I wasn't even sitting there watching this play out in front of me.

He walked back over to his desk grabbing his Stoli and sat back down beside me. I wasn't sure what to say or whether I should even say anything at all. I was a little confused by his actions but assumed it must have something to do with Jacob's story that might have hit too close to home for him.

"So what's your favorite color?" He asked suddenly after a few minutes of awkward silence, his voice was numb. It was the most random question but I assumed it was all part of trying to move on from the depressing topic of conversation. I looked into his eyes and could see pain flickering behind the façade he had forced. His eyes were blood shot and dark, his green barely visible.

"Green." I answered still staring into his eyes. It hurt me to see him hurting like that.

"Why?" He asked, tipping his Stoli back for another swig.

"Because green is relaxing." I answered staring into his eyes and feeling that strong pull toward him, "Green soothes me, just the sight of it brings me ease and I feel happy." I answered honestly. It was all the things his green eyes did to me.

"Yeah? They do encourage people to paint rooms green because it's supposed to be soothing and calming." He shrugged.

"What's yours?" I asked glad he hadn't picked up I was talking specifically about his eyes.

"Mine? Brown." He answered simply.

"Brown?" I asked.

"Brown is warm and sweet. Like chocolate and coffee." He answered. I nodded turning back to the TV. I noticed him staring at me so I turned my face to look back at him, his breathtaking crooked grin sending tingles through my body. My heart began viciously pounding against my chest as I stared back into his beautiful green eyes. I was falling for him. I was falling for Edward Cullen and there was nothing I could do to stop it. He blindly placed the bottle of Stoli on the bed side table, his eyes never leaving mine. He leaned in till his lips touched mine, the feeling sending my heart into a total frenzy. I will never be able to describe the feelings that arise in me whenever he kisses me. That current we feel whenever we touch intensifies to an incredible intensity every time we kiss. He kissed me softly and slowly, nipping and sucking at my lips as I tried hard not to keep moaning at how good it felt. All too soon he pulled away, giving my lips a quick chaste kiss before sitting back against his bed.

I sat back trying to calm my breathing as he looked over at me and chuckled, most likely at the expression on my face. He pulled me into his side as he slid us down his bed till we were laying down, staring up at the ceiling. After a moment he turned onto his side to face me so I did the same. He was smiling softly at me, the sight so beautiful my heart was going absolutely crazy.

"That's a pretty necklace." He said as his hand reached out to touch the necklace around my neck. He lifted the 'B' pendant to get a closer look.

"Thank you. Jake gave it to me on my tenth birthday." I explained. "I've never taken it off." His smile faded a little and he let the necklace drop back against my chest, withdrawing his hand. It was as if the fact that Jake gave it to me made it diseased or something.

"It's not diseased." I laughed as his reaction surprised me a bit.

"I know." he said seriously. I waited for him to explain himself but he didn't.

"It was the first piece of jewelry I ever got and it was the year before both our lives changed, when everything was still carefree. I remember him telling me that he had to do extra chores around the house to earn the money to buy it for me." I smiled at the memory. "It means a lot to me."

"I never said it didn't." He said sounding a little annoyed.

"I know." I said realizing something was pissing him off so I decided to just drop it. He scooted himself closer till I was pressed up against him. I buried my face into his chest as he wrapped an arm around me holding me tight. We sat like that for a while just being in each others arms. I sniffed his scent greedily, loving the way it soothed me. It wasn't long after that I drifted off to sleep.

I was woken up by the ringing of my phone. I blinked a few times trying to gather my sleepy thoughts and figure out where I was. I felt a body move next to me as the arm wrapped around my waist tightened. It was then I realized I was at Edward's house. That thought snapped me out of my sleepy haze as I my eyes scanned the room, darkness enveloping it with the only source of light being the faint moonlight through the window. My phone continued to ring somewhere in the room that I had no idea where. Edward groaned, pulling me closer to him.

"Edward?" I said softly, lightly poking him in the chest to try and get his grip to loosen a little. He let go of me as soon as I poked him, his hands going to his face where he rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes. I staggered out of bed, searching for my phone and stumbling on Edward's shoes, I fell.

"Shit!" I muttered just as the ringing of my phone ceased. I looked up from my place on the floor to find Edward sitting up on his bed, his knees up and open in front of him as he ran his hands through his hair. I gripped onto the edge of the bed to help myself up off of the floor.

"I can't find my phone." I said hoping he could help me. He slipped off the bed and stood in the middle of his room, his eyes looking around him.

"Over there." He said pointing to his desk. I rushed over to it needing to know the time. "It's 8." Edward said as if in answer to my unasked question. I was still groggy that I had forgotten there was a clock radio beside his bed. I checked my phone and found a missed call from Jacob. I sighed before shoving it into my back pocket. I'd call him later.

"We slept for 3 hours." I noted. Edward smirked at me, walking up to me and snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me to him. He nuzzled his face into my hair as I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest.

"Stay a bit." Edward explained. I pulled back and looked up into his green eyes. He seemed a lot more relaxed than what he was before we slept. "We'll go grab some food."

"Ok, or I could just make something."

"Fuck no. We'll go out. Can you wait for me to take a quick shower? I feel like shit." He said.

"Sure go ahead. I'll wait here." I said. He kissed the top of my head before letting go of me and walking to his door.

"I'll just be a few minutes." He said before opening his door and slipping out. I stood in the middle of his room wondering what I could do while I waited. I walked over to his mirrored wardrobe and gasped at the sight of myself. My hair was a mess. I tried brushing my fingers through it to no avail so I grabbed the hair tie from around my wrist and pulled my hair into a loose pony tail. I straightened out my top that was a little twisted from my sleep and then walked over to the bed to slip my shoes back on. Once I'd done that I decided to fix his bed, plumping the pillows and straightening out the sheets.

I walked over to his stereo and put in the 'Kings of Leon', turning it down so that it played softly. I eyed his acoustic guitar that hung beside his shelf and remembered the day he had avoided my questions about it and how uncomfortable he had become. My phone started ringing again. I quickly slipped it out of the back pocket of my jeans to see Jacob's name flashing across the screen.

"Jake." I said.

"Bella, where are you?"

"Ah… just about to go out and grab something to eat." I said purposefully leaving Edward out.

"Oh, ok. I just haven't heard from you since Friday night. I know I acted like a dick."

"You did." I said dryly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. It's just as much as I say I don't want to interfere as soon as I see him near you I can't help but get protective."

"More like possessive." I muttered.

"Huh?" He asked.

"Nothing, well I'll see you tomorrow." I said not wanting to have this discussion over the phone.

"K. Well bye Bella, love you."

"Love you too Jake." I hung up and sighed, wondering when or _if _this drama was ever going to end.

I heard the door behind me open, I spun around and my breath caught, my heart began its tattoo against my chest and my mouth fell open. I couldn't steer my eyes away from the glistening wet toned chest before me, a brownish happy trail that disappeared into the towel. His throat cleared causing my eyes to snap to his green amused ones. He had his breathtakingly crooked smile intact.

"S-sorry." I stuttered but still couldn't draw my eyes away from his chiseled chest. He looked like a stone sculpture. The most beautiful stone sculpture you could ever lay your eyes on. He continued smirking at me, his white towel hanging low around his waist, his damp hair falling in all directions around his face.

"I need to get dressed so if you don't mind… " He gestured with his finger for me to turn around. "Unless you don't mind seeing me naked, I mean fuck, I have no problem with it." He said shrugging a shoulder.

"I'll turn." I replied quickly surprised I was able to find my voice clearly this time. I turned around and I could feel my face blazing with my blush. I heard his towel drop to the floor and a little voice in my head was telling me that all I had to do was turn a little and I'd get a look at Edward's gloriously naked body. But the other more coherent voice in my head was telling to stay exactly where I was.

"You can turn now." He said with chuckle. I turned around only to find he had jeans on but still topless. He had his back to me as he scanned his closet for what I assumed was a t-shirt. What caught my attention was the tattoo on his back between his shoulder blades. It looked like a crest of some sort. As I came to look closer he turned back around, my eyes catching another tattoo on the inside of his left bicep. He caught me staring at his tattoos and walked up to me.

"I got this one done six months ago." He said turning so that I could clearly see the one on his inner bicep. His arms were so toned and muscular but lean which I liked. Jacob was more beefy like Emmett but I preferred Edward. I studied the one on his arm, _Never Give Up,_ it read in an elegant script. I let my fingers lightly graze over it.

"What were your reasons behind those words?" I asked.

"My life has been fucked up for a few years now Bella. It hasn't gotten any easier and I'm not sure if it ever will. Having those words tattooed into my skin is a constant reminder that there is hope… or at least I hope there is. I can't say I've given up at the moment but I'm certainly not trying very hard to change shit." He shrugged, "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was at my lowest point." My eyes darted to his and I saw pain flickering behind the façade. My heart ached for him.

"The one on my back is the Cullen family crest," he explained turning his back to me so I could take a closer look, "Emmett's got the same one. We both got them done on our sixteenth birthdays." He added. Now that I was standing closer I could see Cullen expertly written within the details of the crest.

"Does your dad have one?" I asked my eyes drifting to the plains of his sculpted back. I felt like touching him, letting my fingers run up and down his smooth skin.

"No. Carlisle hates fucking tattoos. He didn't fucking approve of either one of these but there really isn't much he can do about it and I do plan on getting more. Carlisle has a ring with the Cullen crest on it that he has never taken off. It was given to him by his Grandfather." He explained. He pulled his blue shirt on, unfortunately covering his chest.

"You ready?" He asked. I nodded.

As we descended the stairs we could hear rattling in the kitchen. As the kitchen came into view we spotted Emmett at the kitchen bench making a sandwich.

"What's up fucker?" Edward asked walking into the kitchen and standing at the kitchen bench opposite Emmett. I made my way in awkwardly and stood a few feet away from him trying to keep some distance between us.

Emmett turned around to face Edward, "Just making…" He froze when his eyes landed on me, "… a sandwich." His eyes darted back and forth between Edward and me with a smirk firmly planted on his face. "Hi Bella."

"Hey Emmett." I said.

"Didn't expect you to still be here." He said grabbing the ingredients to throw them back into the fridge.

"Yeah, she was helping me with homework." Edward said casually.

"I see." Emmett smirked again. Edward narrowed his eyes at him before turning to me.

"Want to still go?" He asked. I nodded.

"Where are you guys going?" Emmett asked taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"To get something to eat." Edward answered starting for the door.

"Can I come?" Emmett asked. Edward stopped and turned back to his brother.

"You're already fucking eating!" Edward said incredulously.

"This thing?" Emmett asked holding up what was left of his sandwich. "Come on bro, you know me better than that. This is like a fucking appetizer." Emmett explained shoving the last of it into his mouth. Edward turned to me and rolled his eyes.

"You're not coming." Edward scowled back at Emmett.

"He can come." I spoke up. I felt bad telling him to stay behind and it's not like we were going out on a date or anything special.

"He is really annoying." Edward said trying to get me to change my mind. I chuckled.

"Hey!" Emmett said looking hurt.

"Fuck you. But we're leaving now so hurry up." Edward said running a hand through his hair. Emmett grinned.

"I'm ready."

Edward shook his head as the three of us made our way outside. We ended up going in Emmett's jeep much to the disapproval of Edward. Apparently he hated the jeep. Emmett drove us to Port Angeles where we ate at a little Italian café. We ate pizza as we talked casually, once again Emmett doing most of the talking but he was such a free spirit. Much like Alice, his personality and mood was infectious. I really enjoyed myself.

We drove back home where Edward and I got into his car so he could take me home. He pulled up outside my house but kept the car running.

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He asked.

"Yep. Thanks for dinner. Emmett's a really great guy."

"He is a goof that's what he is." Edward chuckled. He leaned in and kissed my lips softly. "You smell so fucking good Bella."

"Cupcakes is it?" I teased. He smirked at me, shaking his head.

"You'll never let me live that down will you?" He asked.

"Nope." I said popping the 'p'. I opened the door and climbed out, shutting it before waving bye to him through the open window.

He waited till I was inside the house before he left, his tires screeching as he sped off. I walked in to find Phil on the couch and Renee walking down the stairs. I was hoping neither of them had heard Edward's noisy departure.

"Hey sweetie. Where have you been all day?" Renee asked taking a seat beside Phil.

"Just out and about, nothing special." I shrugged. "I'm actually quite beat. I might just head to bed." I said making my way to the stairs. "Good night." I called out.

"Good night." They both called out in unison.

I arrived at school the next day with Jacob waiting by his car for me.

"Hey babe." He smiled enveloping me in a big bear hug, lifting me off the floor.

"Hey." I squeaked out at how tight he had me. He laughed before putting me down. He threw his arm around my shoulders as we walked to class.

As we made our way to main the building Edward pulled into his car space. He climbed out of his car and looked over at me with a tense smile before walking off ahead of us. His reaction confused me. I wasn't sure whether he was trying to act like there was nothing between us or because he didn't like Jake so close to me. Neither were valid excuses. Everyone knew we were friends and Jake was my best friend, I wasn't going to distance myself from him just because he might not like the relationship Edward and I have. I tried to push those thoughts to the back of my head and worry about them later.

Jacob and I took our seats down in history just as Mr. Henderson came in wheeling a TV on a trolley. What better way to start a Monday than with a movie. He called the class to order as he switched off the lights and played the movie.

"I saw Leah over the weekend." Jacob whispered to me.

"How is she? I haven't seen her in forever."

"Good, good. She asked me out again although this time she made it sound like it was nothing more than just two friends going out."

"Maybe that's all it is." I said.

"I don't know. She still flirts shamelessly with me every time I fucking see her."

"Hey, where did you go off Friday night? Alice said something about Kate?" I asked hoping he hadn't slept with her. Kate was just as bad as Lauren.

"We took a walk down the beach." He replied simply.

"Jake." I said sternly knowing he was leaving information out. "You and Seth took off with her. What did you do?" I asked.

"_I _didn't do anything. Seth on the other hand may have."

"He didn't sleep with her did he?" I groaned hoping it wasn't true. Seth was so much better than that.

"He may have." I punched him in the arm for being so short with his answers.

"And what were you doing?" I asked.

"I drank while they sneaked off."

"You two are disgusting." I said with a shake of my head. He snickered nudging his shoulder with mine playfully.

Math was spent doing a bunch of activity sheets while Rose, Alice, Angela and I talked non stop. Angela filled us in on her weekend with Ben. She admitted to popping her cherry which caused Rose and Alice to ask for details. I tried not to listen but some slipped through.

The rest of the day past by fine, I still hadn't seen Edward since the morning in the parking lot and I was just dying to. Lunch rolled around eventually and I was eager to get to the cafeteria, throwing my things in my locker and not caring how they landed. I made my way to the cafeteria not bothering to grab anything to eat, I just wanted to see Edward. I got to our usual table only to find Jacob, Alice and Rosalie there. I mumbled a 'hi' trying to hide my disappointment.

We talked casually as I tried to discreetly scan the cafeteria, just waiting for Edward to arrive. My heart reacted into its frenzy as soon as I saw him enter with Emmett and Jasper. His eyes landed on me, giving me a warm smile as the three of them took their seats at our table. Throughout lunch we would steal glances at each other, a smile constantly playing at Edward's lips. We didn't speak directly to each other all that much and when we did it was just directed at the conversation going around. Once the bell signaled the end of lunch we all went our separate ways to class. I hurried to my locker to grab my books before rushing to biology, impatient to get to Edward…this was getting ridiculous.

I walked in to find him already at our bench. He smiled crookedly at me as I sat down, throwing my books onto the bench in front of me.

"I may be mistaken but I think Jacob didn't glare at me today." He mused, his face really serious.

"I didn't notice…" I admitted. It was true, my eyes were on Edward the whole time. I suddenly felt his hand link with mine that was resting on my leg. I turned to look at him surprised but smiled. His hand within mine was setting off that light hum of warmth.

Mr. Molena walked into class, stating he had our assignments corrected and ready to hand back. He began walking around the class handing them out one by one. Edward let go of my hand as Mr. Molena approached our table.

"Well done." He said as he placed our assignment on our bench and walked off to hand out the rest. I sucked in a breath when I saw the big red A+ at the top of the page. I chuckled in relief as Edward smirked.

"Told you we'd do well… and you doubted me." He said shaking his head playfully.

"I didn't doubt you."

"Nope but you weren't as confident as I was."

"I'm sure you're relieved now. You can show this to Carlisle so he can see that your grades are improving." I stated.

"True. At least that's something I can see that I've improved at." He said dryly.

"How did you do?" Mike asked appearing suddenly beside me. He was completely ignoring Edward. I knew he wasn't impressed with him after Friday night.

"Good, A+." I said proudly.

"Great! We got a B." He shrugged. "Apparently we were a bit short on some details." He explained.

The rest of biology passed by slowly. Mainly because I was trying hard the entire time not to hold Edward's hand. I couldn't believe myself and how addicted I had become to feeling his touch, to feeling the softness of his skin against mine. We talked occasionally throughout class about nothing in particular and constantly snuck glances at each other.

Once the bell rang everyone began scuffling around, packing up their books and scurrying out to their next period.

"I would like it if you came over today." Edward said standing up and slinging his bag over one shoulder. I turned to him and failed miserably at trying to hide my grin.

"I can go but I can only stay for a few hours because I have to get home to make dinner." I shrugged, a little disappointed that I wouldn't get that much time with him.

"Well, I'll just have to make those few hours worth your while, won't I?" He asked cocking an eyebrow at me. I shook my head as I laughed.

"I look forward to it." I smiled before we headed out to our next class.

* * *

**Ok, so what did you think? Alot will be explained next chapter in EPOV so don't worry.**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all, i hope you all party hard and have a very safe and happy New Year. May the new year being you all much happiness, love and joy. **

**See you next year! Haha, just had to do that.  
**


	14. Like Father Like Son

**A/N - Big thanks to my wonderful readers and reviewers, your support means so much to me and gives me the drive to keep busting my ass off on these chapters :D A huge welcome to the new readers...**

**Huge thanks to my beta luv4Jake... your comments on this chapter made me go back and adjust a few things which have improved it.**

**Virtual family... you know i love you to bits mwa!!!**

SM owns Twilight

* * *

**The Fray – Look After You**

If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my Baby  
I'll look after you  
And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt  
My love she leans into me  
This most assuredly counts  
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you  
After You  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh

It's always have and never hold  
You've begun to feel like home  
What's mine is yours to leave or take  
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you

You are so beautiful to me (repeat)

**EPOV**

"Edward."

"Fuck!" I jumped, spinning around and clutching my chest. "Be a little more discreet will you. You fucking scared the shit out of me." I snapped, my heart pounding against my chest.

"Sorry." Carlisle apologized with a smirk. _Dick._

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked turning back to the sink to finish rinsing my cup before placing it on the dish rack. My heart was still racing.

"Edward, language." Carlisle sighed in irritation. I rolled my eyes before turning back to him, waiting for him to tell me what he wanted. "I just came to inform you that I'll be in Seattle this weekend."

"Ok." I shrugged not really caring where the fuck he goes.

"No parties." He said pointedly.

"Since when have we even fucking had parties?" I asked wrinkling my forehead in confusion.

"Seattle. Need I remind you?" He asked cocking an eyebrow at me. I stood staring back at him in thought. It was as if he was trying to get me to remember something, I lifted my hands to gesture for him to continue. "The girls?" He sighed persuading me to remember.

"Fuck, I'm going to need more than just 'the girls' to remember a specific incident. We could go on forever here." I smirked. He sighed again.

"The naked girls in my bed." He raised an eyebrow at me. My mouth fell into a 'o'.

"_Those _girls." I said remembering exactly now. "I have no idea in fuck how they got in there." I lied. I was sure my smirk deceived me. I was so shit faced drunk one night that I had no idea where the fuck I was, I just remember being in bed with two chicks. Luckily when Carlisle came home surprisingly early that night, I was gone but the chicks were passed out naked in his bed. I snickered at the thought.

"That's what I thought." He said with a shake of his head obviously realizing I was lying.

"No fucking parties, understood." I said saluting him mockingly before brushing past him and for the stairs.

"I know your little secret!" Emmett sang from the top of the stairs as he watched me walk up them. I narrowed my eyes at him but kept walking, brushing past him and for my room. I knew he'd act like an immature dick about it.

"Edward and Bella sitting in the tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G, first comes love, second comes-" I slammed the door to my bedroom in his face. I chuckled as I walked over to my bed and laid down on it. I really just felt like sleeping.

"That was fucking rude and you know it." Emmett said barging into my room. I just closed my eyes and tried to pretend that he wasn't even there which he was making almost impossible as he started to sing, "He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious? He liked to fuck and she still had not, what more can I say?" I grabbed my pillow from beside my head and launched it at him. He ducked as his laughter boomed through the room, the pillow narrowly missing his head. I knew he was just trying to annoy me to get me to admit about Bella and me and it was fucking working by singing Avril fucking Lavigne.

That didn't stop him though, "You were both young, when you first saw her, you close your eyes and the flash backs start you're standing there, on a balcony in Forks air. That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles and her daddy said stay away from Juliet-"

"Shut the fuck up!" I snapped, sitting up from my bed. "Fuck, you can be the most annoying son of a bitch sometimes." I said angrily as I raked my hands through my hair. "Stop the fucking singing." I said glaring at him. Because he was Emmett he just laughed. I shook my head at him as he picked up the pillow I had thrown before and launched at me, hitting me straight in the head.

"You fucking dick." I said jumping up from my bed to hit him. He trapped me into a head lock as soon as I got to him and a pretty tight one too. "Let go fucker, I swear I'll make you suck my dick." I yelled. He just laughed as he tightened his lock around my neck even more and tackled me to the ground. I reached my hand around and pinched him hard on the ass. He yelped as he released me to rub his back side. I just laughed as I watched his pained expression.

"Fuck that hurt." He said still rubbing it.

"It was supposed to." I said still laughing.

"You're a fucking dick."

"I know and you're an _annoying_ fucking dick." I said sitting back down on my bed. He stood in his position by the door, his pained expression turning into a smirk.

"I know you two are dating bro, don't deny that shit."

"I have no idea what the fuck you're going on about." I said trying to ignore his fairly correct accusation.

"Don't fucking play dumb. I was not blind tonight man. She spent about five fucking hours here after everybody left alone in your room and then when we went to dinner, you think I couldn't see the way she was looking at you?" He asked raising an eyebrow, challenging me to argue.

"She likes me. That doesn't mean there is anything going on."

"The way you so desperately wanted to be alone with her tonight?"

"I just didn't want you to be there because like I said before, you're an annoying fucking dick."

"That shit hurts bro, it really does." He said feigning hurt as he placed his palm over his heart and pretended to wipe away a tear with the other.

"Will you let me sleep, now?" I asked irritably just really needing to get some rest.

"Why are you so adamant in denying it? Honesty is the best fucking policy bro." He said. He could be a real nosy dick.

"Minding your own fucking business is the best fucking policy, now get out of my room so I can sleep." I said ripping my shirt off.

"No." He said crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, then you'll just have to see my naked ass." I smirked as I began unbuttoning my jeans.

"You wouldn't." He said.

"Oh I would." I said stepping out my jeans. I grabbed onto the hem of my boxers and before I could blink he was out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I walked up to the door and turned the lock making sure he wouldn't be coming back in.

I walked over to my bed and pulled back the covers and slipped myself underneath. I raked both hands through my hair gripping the ends as my mind went over the day and the overwhelming course of emotions I was feeling. This girl was doing weird shit to me. I can't believe just how much I like her and how much I just couldn't seem to get enough of her presence. As soon as I had seen her sitting on that couch earlier today I had to kiss her. I was already missing the feel of her lips against mine and I knew acting in front of Jazz and Alice was going to be some hard to shit to do. Like I fucking said, I had to kiss her.

Once I had her securely in the privacy of my room, I was surrounded by the waft of strawberries and vanilla, all I could think about was her lips. Those fucking soft pink and inviting lips.

_Mine._

_All fucking Mine._

I branded that shit. I branded those lips and that is shit that no one can fucking take away. I was the first and that's that. I fucking deserve to have my name tattooed on them, warning any fucker that might think of those lips to be reminded that Edward motherfucking Cullen popped Bella's kissing cherry. And what makes it all so fucking sweet is her blush. She loves kissing me, I know it. Her expression says it all. The way her big brown eyes dart to my lips as she involuntarily licks her own. She wants to feel mine against hers and that shit feels fucking good.

So as soon as I had her in my room, I closed the distance between us and made sure to get that intoxicating taste of her. Kissing her is something I don't think I could ever describe in words because there were no fucking words to describe it. The way our lips moved together seemed like they were made for it, made for one another like two fucking pieces of puzzle. What I love the most is how she gets all embarrassed when I kiss her. She loves it, I know she does but she is embarrassed at the same time, allowing her cheeks to flush a beautiful shade of pink. Fuck, I'm really sounding like a fucking pussy.

I wasn't really sure where all this puts us now. I guess that is one reason why we have both decided not to say anything to any of our friends. What would we say? We're dating? I couldn't really call us dating. I have no idea what the fuck we are so I guess we just take all this shit as it comes. But the thing is I don't really give a fuck who knows but I know she does because she has some really nosy friends and if she believes that we should wait to say anything then I won't deny her that because I want her to be comfortable about this.

I enjoyed the day, just hanging with our friends and chilling. I was dying the whole time to be alone with her again but if we were planning on hiding this shit from the rest of them then we were going to have to pretend like nothing was going on. Not sure how in the fuck we're going to pull that off when we couldn't seem to take our eyes off each other… _yep, I've officially become a pussy_.

Something I hadn't expected to happen was for her to talk about Jake's past. It wasn't like I wanted to know anything about that fucker but once she mentioned he had lost his mother, I couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for him because I know how that shit hurts. I'd still kick his ass without hesitation though because I don't see that urge changing any time soon. Bella began to tell me the story of how his mother died in a fucking car accident. As soon as the words 'car accident' were spoken I felt the tightening in my chest. I began seeing the dreaded and haunting images of that dreadful night flash through my head like I was going through it right then and there. It was too fucking much. I wanted coke. I fucking needed something to help ease that pain and erase the images because whenever those images play around in my head I need something to help me deal with them, I still can't cope with them without anything. As soon as I unscrewed the cover of my speakers I was desperate for the coke but there was no way in fuck I was going to do that shit in front of Bella, no matter how much I needed it, so I had to settle for the marijuana. I took a few hits allowing the burn to calm my tense body and a few long swigs of vodka. Once I could feel that shit taking effect I returned to my seat beside Bella and needed to change the fucking subject. One thing I appreciated from her was the fact she didn't question me. She didn't ask what the fuck my problem was or why I reacted the way I did and I couldn't have been more grateful. I was not going to discuss that shit and she knew. She just couldn't get any more perfect.

She had a necklace on that I've noticed before but this was the first time that I have actually gotten a close up of it. The thought of Jacob giving it to her just settled for me even more just how close they are. How close their friendship is and something tells me if she were to be given a choice between the two of us she would most likely choose him. It is a little early for me to be thinking about losing her because I don't plan on ever losing her but I really like this girl. I haven't been in love before but something tells me I'm falling in love. Not sure what it is that has me feeling this way because there are many different things that I love about her, things that I've never noticed in girls before or things I used to find irritating even. But with Bella, I don't even fucking try. I act the way I am, I speak the way I am, it's all me, exposed all out in the open for her and she is still by my side… that has to stand for something.

I used to work out back in Seattle. Emmett and I used to hit the gym regularly to keep ourselves fit and toned so I know I have a great body, not trying to sound conceited but its fucking true. Every girl that I have been with used to love that shit because most guys my age still have their fucking ribs sticking out of their thin asses or a fucking gut. But not Em and I because we take our gym training seriously, well Emmett takes it seriously, because I don't work out as much as I used to when I was in Seattle. I should though before I start developing a fucking gut too. So, when Bella couldn't draw her eyes away from my chest I found it quite amusing. She was blushing because of my naked chest. My tattoos are something I take seriously. They both represent something important to me. Emmett and I had wanted the Cullen Crest since it was important to our family but 'Never Give Up' was something personal to me. I was at my lowest fucking point when I got that one. I needed something to remind me that I couldn't give in to the pain, I couldn't give in to the cards life has given me because at that point I had given up. I wasn't giving a shit about anyone or anything at that point in my life. I was living my life through the haze of drugs and alcohol. So even though I didn't believe it then, I needed that statement to remind me that there was hope… fucking somewhere… I just had to find it.

I hadn't wanted Emmett to join us for dinner. I knew he sensed there was something between us, I mean we weren't trying too hard to hide it because everyone knows we're friends but now we're just more. I wanted to spend some time alone with her but Emmett had other ideas. But I love the fucker and I have to admit he cracked us up during dinner. I could tell Bella really enjoyed his company and I'd do anything to see that smile light up her face.

I rubbed my hands over my face, feeling the weight of the day overcome me suddenly. I gave in to the exhaustion and let myself drift off into sleep. I woke up the next day for school and took a quick shower before slipping on my black jeans, a grey t-shirt and white and dark blue flannel top. After putting on my black Nikes I made my way downstairs to find Emmett and Carlisle eating breakfast.

"Good morning Edward." Carlisle said.

"Morning." I mumbled walking to the refrigerator to grab myself some orange juice.

"I was just telling Dad, how that bitch Jane tried to get me to clean her yard again." Emmett said through a mouthful of eggs.

"Yeah? So I'm assuming you haven't just fucked her yet and gotten it out of her system?" I asked standing beside Emmett at the breakfast bar. That earned me a pointed look from Carlisle.

"Fuck you." Emmett laughed before shoving another mouthful of eggs. "Oh!" He said as if remembering something as he tried to swallow down his eggs quickly, "She is divorced. I asked her about her husband the other day wondering why I've never seen him and she informed me she has been divorced for almost 6 months now."

"Whatever." I said heading outside for a smoke. I lit a cigarette and took a seat on one of the chairs.

"You know what I was thinking?" Emmett asked walking outside and taking a seat beside me.

"What's that?" I sighed not in the mood for whatever it was Emmett had to say.

"Since you're probably just as desperate as she is why don't you fuck her? It's a win-win situation!" Emmett burst out laughing. It was a fucking tempting offer but I'd never do it. I took a last drag of my cigarette before flicking it to the ground and standing up.

"Ready?"

"Sure am." He replied standing up too.

I pulled into my usual car space, my eyes scanning the parking lot for Bella's infamous red truck. You could spot that thing from a mile away, not to mention hear it. I found it and to my disappointment I found Jacob there as well, hugging her by their cars. I climbed out of my car pissed as fuck that I couldn't hug her myself and that dick head could. I couldn't wait for the day where I could tell him that I kiss Bella. It would just be heaven to see his face contort into a mix of jealousy and envy. I smiled tensely at her knowing I couldn't ignore her like a dick even though I wish I had. It wasn't her fault they were so fucking close.

The day flew by for me, each class just teaching me more useless shit than the one before it. Tyler doesn't dare look in my direction since that day I beat the shit out of him which is a smart fucking thing to do on his part. James on the other hand, still has no clue about anything so he likes to give me crap every now and then. I'd hate to fuck them both up but if it came down to it, I wouldn't hesitate at all.

Biology was really the only time in the whole day where I was given a chance to actually talk to Bella properly and I was so fucking relieved when that time rolled around. The big red A+ that stared back at me on our biology assignment that Bella and I had worked hours on felt weird. It has been almost two fucking years since I've seen an A+ grade from me. The closest I got was a B– in English last year in Seattle and that was only because I had actually read the book that we had to do the essay on numerous times before for my own pleasure. But even with that fact I had gotten a measly fucking B- because I was hung over when I had sat down to do it so I fucked up a chance at an A. I felt a little reassured that I could see some progress in my grades even though I knew entirely that that was only possible because of Bella. There really was no room for pride here since I had actually done jack shit. But it was an A+ to my grades none the less, how it got there doesn't really matter. For Carlisle's sake it would show some level of improvement in a small area of where improvement was required. Well for now, that was just going to have to be sufficient.

As I made my way to my car at the end of the day, I caught sight of Jacob chatting to Bella, his arms flailing around him as she laughed at whatever it was he was telling her. I felt a pang of jealousy at the sight as I realized how fucking easy their relationship was.

_But he hasn't kissed her_.

I smiled at the thought.

Then I realized I was standing alone by my car in the middle of the parking lot fucking smiling to myself… fuck I'm turning into a douche.

I composed myself and threw my bag onto the passenger seat of my car. I turned my gaze back to where Bella was with Jacob and saw him climb into his car and drive away. I hesitated for a second before shutting my car door and heading over toward her.

"Hi." She smiled once I reached her.

"You coming straight to my place, yeah?" I asked.

"I was going to go home and change first because these jeans are really annoying me. They are making me itch or something." She said crinkling her nose and she looked so darn cute doing it too. "But I can come straight over if you'd prefer."

"It doesn't really fucking matter to me, I just wanted to know whether I should wait for you or beat you home."

"I'll go change then, I'll only be a short while." She assured me.

"Meet you at my place then. Emmett won't be home this afternoon, he's going to the gym and then out with the Amazon or some shit afterwards." I explained running a hand through my hair.

"The Amazon?" Bella repeated, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Oh, Rose." I explained with a shrug of my shoulders.

"You call Rose the Amazon?" Bella asked seeming a little pissed and amused at the same time.

"Yeah, she doesn't put up with shit and has no hesitation to tell you either, like a fucking warrior… minus the cutting off her breast bit." I explained realizing how weird I just sounded.

"The cutting off her breast bit?" Bella asked, the wrinkle in between her brows deepening as she seemed even more confused now.

"You know what? How bout you head home and I'll meet you back at my place?" I nodded before turning on my heel and walking the fuck away. What the fuck just happened there I have no idea.

It was almost an hour later that I was sitting in the lounge flicking through the TV trying to find something half decent to watch when I heard the door knock. I got up from my seat with a huff to answer the door, reminding myself not to lose it with her. I was fucking pissed. Maybe more than I should be but she said she'd only be a fucking 'short while' if I remember her words correctly and here we are almost an hour later. She only has about two hours left before she has to head the fuck home now.

I swung the door open and tried not to scowl but I knew I failed. "You're late." I stated with a little edge to my voice as I moved aside for her to enter. She stepped in cautiously as if contemplating whether it was a good choice or not after hearing the tone of my voice.

I shut the door behind her, unintentionally slamming it before turning to her. She looked at me warily, gnawing on her bottom lip nervously and picking at her finger nails. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You're fucking late." I repeated. I realized I was being a dick.

"I know and I'm sorry it's just that I got home and found mom there home early from work. She wasn't feeling too well. So I stayed back a little to make her a sandwich and make sure she was comfortable before I rushed back out." She explained sounding pissed at me but I could tell that was just a face she was putting on, the look in her eyes was betraying the tone of her voice, she was hurt.

"Oh." I said realizing I didn't have any right to be pissed at that. "Well now we only have two hours." I said turning to make my way to the kitchen. She followed me.

"Actually, there is no need for me to make dinner tonight. Mum doesn't feel well enough to really eat and she assured me that Phil will just buy something for himself. I thought I'd make something here for the both of us… if you don't mind?" The hurt in her voice made me turn back toward her. She was standing behind the breakfast bar, drawing imaginary circles along the granite. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed as I made my way toward her. I snaked my arms around her waist from behind and leaned my chin on her shoulder.

"I'm being a dick." I admitted feeling bad. We've only been together what… two days? And I've already hurt her. This is going to be a tough road for us by the looks of things. That's if the road doesn't come to a fucking abrupt halt sooner than I'd like.

She turned in my arms to face me, looking into my eyes, her big brown eyes searching mine. I leaned down and kissed her lips softly, hoping that would express how much I actually did care for her and that I didn't mean to hurt her. Her hands trailed up my fore arms, over my shoulders and linked together at the back of my neck. I pulled away and nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck.

"I'm a fucking ass and I'm sorry." I said hoping she would forgive me.

"It's ok." She sighed. "Are you hungry?" She asked. I pulled back and nodded. She forced me a smile and pulled out of my arms walking to the fridge and opening it up. "What would you like?" She asked scanning the contents of the fridge. It didn't seem like she was over it.

"I'll eat anything."

"Oh, you have gnocchi." She said sounding surprised.

"Come again?" I asked, confusion evident in my voice. She chuckled as she walked up to me, placing a pack of what I presumed was gnocchi on the counter before me.

"Gnocchi. They're like little dumplings made out of flour." She must have seen the confusion still on my face since she simplified it for me. "Just think of it as potato pasta." She said raising her eyebrows at me, waiting for me to acknowledge my understanding.

"Sure, whatever the fuck you say." I said raking a hand through my hair. "And people eat this shit?" I asked eyeing out the pack in front of me.

"Yes, I usually make them from scratch but the freshly bought ones are good too. I wouldn't expect your dad to make them from scratch. Its something that takes a few tries to perfect." She walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a pot and filled it with water before placing it on top of the stove and turning on the heat. She turned toward me and gnawing on her bottom lip for a second as if in deep thought.

"Can you grab me some garlic and a small onion?" She asked as she pulled four tomatoes out of the refrigerator. I nodded, relieved she gave me a simple enough task. I walked into the pantry and found the garlic and onion in a basket. I grabbed some garlic and then eyed the onions. What was considered small? I picked the smallest one hoping it would be small enough. I walked back out and placed them beside the chopping board she had sitting on the bench.

She walked over to me and smiled softly before she began peeling the onion and chopping it up.

"Watch your fingers." I said worriedly. My eyes widening as she chopped the onion quickly and expertly. She chuckled at me.

"I'm ok. Would you mind washing those salad leaves I've got sitting beside the sink please?" She asked grabbing the garlic and chopping that too.

"Ok." I walked over to the salad leaves by the sink and turned on the water. I rinsed the salad leaves as best I could before tossing them into a bowl. By then Bella was already frying up the onion and garlic as she tossed in the chopped tomato.

"Would you mind salting that water for me?" She asked stirring the ingredients in her pan. I looked around the kitchen searching for the salt.

"Where the fuck is the salt?" I asked as I rubbed the back of neck, my eyes scanning the kitchen. Bella turned to look around the kitchen with me before he eyes landed right beside me. She chuckled as she walked right up to me, her body almost touching mine as she reached out and grabbed the salt shaker from beside me.

"Here." She said looking into my eyes with amusement. I gave her my crooked smile before taking the salt shaker and grinding some into the boiling water.

"How much salt?" I asked as I continued to grind. Fuck this cooking shit is hard.

"A decent amount." She replied. I furrowed my brows as I kept grinding hoping that I hadn't put too much or too little. She appeared beside me and threw in the gnocchi, giving it a little stir with a wooden spoon. "These shouldn't take more than 2 to 3 minutes."

She walked over to the salad bowl and chuckled before taking the salad leaves out and placing them on a tea towel. She grabbed the bowl and walked over to the sink, tipping it slightly so all the water poured out. She turned to me with a snicker.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know?" I asked raking a hand through my hair. She just shook her head as she dried up the bowl and lightly patted the leaves with a towel to dry them up.

She hurried over to the gnocchi, looking satisfied before she pulled them out and threw them into the pan of tomato sauce. She turned the heat off and asked me to set the plates. I did as she asked and by the time I was finished she had the salad and pasta ready.

She served me a plate of pasta before serving herself some as well. We took a seat at the kitchen bench side by side. I took the first spoonful and groaned out loud.

"Fuck this is good." I said shoving another spoonful into my mouth. Bella smiled over at me as she began to eat.

"It was so easy I'm sure you'll be able to make it yourself next time." She said as she speared gnocchi with her fork and popped it into her mouth. My chewing came to an abrupt halt as I turned to her.

"You want me to attempt to make this?" I mumbled through my mouthful, dumbfounded at the expectation.

"It only has in total 5 to 6 ingredients. You can't get easier than this." She explained as she began picking at her food. I swallowed my mouthful and stared down at my plate. I couldn't make this even if my life depended on it.

"Too hard." I concluded before taking another mouthful of gnocchi. Bella just shook her head at me with a smirk. "You know what?" I asked suddenly. "I've had this shit before… now I remember. But Carlisle made it with some other sauce… don't remember what exactly but different to this. All I know is this tastes much better." I said before standing up to get seconds.

The rest of the meal was eaten in comfortable silence. Once again I noticed how slow Bella was in eating. She finished her first serving just as I was finishing my second. I pushed my plate away from me and leaned back a little, feeling the pressure in my stomach. Fuck, I ate a lot. Bella got up and began taking the plates to the sink to wash up. I figured I'd better get up to help but the thought of just the simple movement seemed to be too much of an effort. I eventually got up and helped her fill the dishwasher and wipe down the benches.

I switched on the dishwasher as Bella was still wiping down everything. I walked up to her, grabbed her wrist lightly like I did the other night.

"Enough." I said softly. She immediately let the rag drop as I linked my fingers through hers. I pulled her with me up the stairs and to my room without another word. Once inside I closed my door and made sure to lock it before I pulled Bella toward my bed. We both laid down on our backs leaving our feet to hang off the edge.

"My stomach fucking hurts." I groaned. She laughed lightly.

"You ate too much."

"No shit." I said. I turned on my side as did she. I smiled at her as I looked into her brown eyes. Fuck she was beautiful. "Come here." I said softly placing my palm on her cheek and closing the distance between us. My lips touched hers softly, my heart beating rapidly in the excitement and thrill. She brought her body closer so that it was pressed up against mine. I nipped at her lips as her hands found my hair, fisting handfuls of it and pulling me to her even closer. I let my tongue brush across her bottom lip hoping she would open up for me because I missed the sweet taste of her so fucking much. She hesitated for a split second before she opened up for me, her tongue meeting mine and eliciting a deep groan from me at the contact. I circled my tongue around the tip of hers, tilting my head to the side to allow me better access. The heat of her body pressed up against me wasn't helping me keep my cool but it felt so fucking good. I was hard… hard as a fucking steel rod and I was hoping she couldn't feel it digging into her. I reluctantly pulled away knowing I needed to stop before I lost control. She was breathing deeply as she brought her forehead to mine, her hand releasing my hair tracing down past my ear and cheek, across my jaw and over my lips lightly. She was staring at me with an intensity in her eyes that I couldn't quite decipher. It looked almost like a longing. But a longing for what? I gave her another quick kiss before sitting myself up, brushing a hand through my hair.

I looked down at her as she stayed on her side, her hands now tucked in under her chin as she smiled up at me softly.

"So fucking beautiful." I said hovering over her and bringing my lips back to hers. I don't know what was happening to me but I suddenly felt this intense need for her. The look in her eyes, her innocence, her beauty, all of it was creating a fluttering within my stomach and my heart was fucking swelling.

I hovered over her, trying hard not to squash her as one hand rested beside her head and the other on her hip. She opened up for me almost straight away this time as if not wanting to waste any time. I tilted my head and brought my tongue to hers, circling it around hers and stroking it. She moaned as she fisted her hands into the hair at the nape of my neck and pulled me down deeper into her sweet mouth. Our tongues caressed the other, moving against the other softly and passionately. I lowered my bottom half on to her even though I knew she could now feel my erection but I couldn't help it. It didn't seem to bother her as she kept moving her mouth against mine. I pulled back a little, nipping at her lips and pulling her bottom lip to suck on it. I switched to her top lip, sucking on that before plunging my tongue back into her mouth. She moaned softly as she moved her tongue with mine, her hands tightening around my hair as my hand tightened on her hip. I eventually pulled back, resting my head on her shoulder for a bit trying to catch my breath as did she.

I rolled off of her eventually and turned my face to her and saw the pink blush gracing her cheeks. She turned to me and smiled shyly, her chest rising and falling with her deep breaths and her lips a beautiful red and swollen. I smirked at her as I sat up and ran both my hands through my hair.

"What would you like to do now?" I asked standing up and walking over to my stereo. I popped 'The Fray' in and let it play. I turned and found Bella sitting up in my bed with her legs off the edge as she leaned back on the palms of her hands, the bottom of her hair caressing the bed sheet beneath her. Fuck I loved her hair.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asked as she chewed on her bottom lip. She was looking at the ground in front of her.

"Sure." I answered sounding wary as I knew it wasn't going to be anything pleasant considering the way she wasn't looking me in the eyes.

She eventually pulled her self up all the way and laid her hands in her lap, fiddling with her fingers as her face seemed to be in deep concentration.

"Yesterday… when I was talking about Jake's mother and the car accident why did you-"

"Fucking stop!" I snapped. Her head popped up to meet my angry gaze in shock. I shook my head rapidly. "Don't fucking bring that up!" I said angrily, my jaw clenching tight as my hands fisted by my sides. I ran my hands through my hair numerous times and tugged at the ends of it. The pain in my chest was resurfacing just like it had yesterday as my heart pounded like a fucking jack hammer against my rib cage. My eyes darted back to hers as she looked scared, staring back at me probably wondering what the fuck was happening to me.

"I'm sorry, I just… I mean I didn't mean to say anything, it's just that yesterday-"

"Bella, please just fucking stop!" I snapped again. I took a few deep breaths knowing I needed to calm the fuck down. Bella stood up and adjusted her footing nervously.

"I'll just go." She said barely audible to my ears. She began for the door making me feel like a god damn idiot for acting the way I did but this shit wasn't something I had control over. I growled in frustration before hurrying to her and grabbing her by the wrist to stop her. She halted her steps but kept her back to me.

"Fuck." I muttered, scrubbing my free hand over my face a few times. I really needed to take control of this shit. "Please stay?"

"I think it's just better I go, really." She said trying to release her wrist out of my grasp but I just tightened my hold around her. I didn't want her to go, I need her, more than she will ever know. She was chewing her lip again as her eyes stayed focused on my bedroom door in front of her, obviously avoiding eye contact. She wasn't showing any sign that she wanted to stay. "Ah, Edward… you're ah… my wrist." She said trying to twist it out of my grasp again. It was then I realized how tight I was holding on to her, I let go of her wrist straight away, feeling like a dick for hurting her. I spun around and walked over to my bed, sitting on the edge of it and leaning my elbows on my knees and grabbing onto my hair in frustration. Despite the faint sounds of music floating in the room, the sounds of my heavy breaths and the pounding of my heart was echoing loudly in my ears. I shut my eyes tight, trying to will the pain away with no luck. I was naïve to think it would be that easy. I know the only release from the pain was sitting in my stereo speakers. I opened my eyes and saw Bella's converse shoes appear in front of me.

"Edward?" She asked softly.

"Go Bella." I replied dryly not budging to move.

"I'm not leaving. Could you look up at me?" She asked again, her voice was hesitant. I couldn't believe I hurt her like that. I didn't want to be like Carlisle. He never hurt my mother physically, never once laid a hand on her but he hurt her emotionally which is just as fucked up. I would never want to be like that. To disrespect the one I care for, to inflict pain upon them. I took a deep breath releasing my hands from my hair and raising my head to look up at her. Her eyes were worried but warm, no sign of judgment or fear or even that fact she thought I was crazy. She brought her hands to my hair and began stroking it with her fingers lightly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as her fingers continued running through my hair. I felt my whole body's tension dissipate at her touch.

"_I'm_ sorry Bella. You have nothing to be fucking sorry about." I said sounding disgusted with myself. I brought my hands to her hips to pull her between my legs and against me. I hugged her to me, her hands dropping from my hair to wrap around my neck. My face was level with her chest which was a fucking bad thing for me at the moment considering I didn't want to be pervert so I just turned my head to the side allowing me to hear her rapid heart beat. After a few moments I pulled away as did she. She let her hands drop from my neck till they were within mine. I linked my fingers with hers and looked down at our joined hands.

"Fuck me dead." I growled seeing her wrist that I had grabbed earlier. There was a bright red ring in the shape of my fingers around her wrist. I fucking hurt her and marked her. "Fuck." I said again, she tried moving her hands away but I just pulled them back to me.

"You didn't hurt me, its look worse than what it is." She tried to assure me.

"Don't fuck with me. I'm a fucking dick, a fucking animal." I said staring down at her wrist in self loathing. I felt disgusted with myself. I could never forgive myself for hurting her like that.

"Edward please, just don't worry about it." She said taking her hand back and pulling her sleeve down to hide it from me.

"Don't give me that shit." I said raking both hands through my hair and standing up from the bed as I began pacing around the room. "Look Bella…" I began, knowing very well I needed to say this, "I have issues. Issues I'm still dealing with, issues that I still can't handle or deal with. I've never done this." I said gesturing between us with my hand, "I'm flying fucking blind. I may hurt you, unintentionally but it will most likely happen. I'm not… good for you." I finished taking a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I don't care." She answered straight away. Her voice was strong, no sound of hesitance or uncertainty. She walked over to me grabbing my face on either side with her hands to make me look at her.

"I do." I said looking into her big brown eyes. My heart was pounding against my chest at her touch. Just her close proximity and the warmth radiating off of her body was sending a calm to wash over me.

"Edward no one is perfect. I have issues of my own, we all do. It was an accident." She said as her eyes searched mine.

"That is a fucking lame excuse." I retorted. "Bella there is shit from my past that I'm just not prepared to discuss let alone say out loud. I need you to understand that." She nodded as her eyes continued to search mine. My eyes caught a glimpse of her wrist as her sleeve slid back slightly. I felt a pang in my heart at the sight as the anger began to build up in my chest again. I came to turn around but Bella grabbed me by my forearm stopping me.

"Edward." She pleaded.

"I fucking hurt you." I said my voice dripping with disgust and anger. "Just fucking say it and spare my feelings." I demanded. She hesitated, her eyes searching mine briefly before she spoke.

"It looks worse than it is but it does hurt a little. Edward… I know you didn't mean it but you can't just lose control like that. This can't happen again." She said sounding worried. I met her eyes and could see the worry and concern swirling in them.

"It won't. I can promise you that."

"Ok." She said.

"Bella, I'm not good for you. I've always known I'm not, I don't know if I can do this."

"You can." She said softly. I lost myself in her gaze, her warm brown eyes sending that familiar calm to wash over me. Her eyes always pulled me into a trance.

"Why do you want to help me?" I asked, really curious to know why she would waste time with a fucker like me.

"I don't know…" She said sounding unsure of herself. "I just know I want to."

I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my face into the crook of her neck, greedily inhaling her scent. I felt myself calming down dramatically. I wasn't sure how long we stood like that but it was a while, neither one of us making any effort to move.

I moved first, pulling my head back and away from her neck. I looked down at her and forced a smile, trying hard to hide the self hatred that burning a hole inside of me. She smiled softly in return, placing a kiss on my chin. I brought a hand up to cup her face where I placed a soft kiss on her lips. She was too fucking good to me.

"How about we just hang out for the rest of the afternoon?" I asked, hoping we could just move on and I could try to get over what I did to her even though I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

"That's sounds ok." She said as she freed herself out of my grip. I walked over to the TV and switched it on before following her to the couch. I sat down as she snuggled up to my side while I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. We sat like that for a while just watching some random show while I let the feeling of guilt eat away at my insides. I deserved it so I didn't fight it. She was the first to speak after a long silence, I welcomed the distraction.

"I've been to Seattle a few times over the last 3 years. I'd go during the holidays and stay for 2 weeks at a time with my dad." She explained.

"Did you like it? I mean it's got to be better than Forks."

"There are more things to do, no doubt about that. But I guess I've grown used to the small town." She shrugged against me.

"Yeah? Well I fucking hate Forks. There is nothing to fucking do at all around here. Did you ever go to the Seattle Public Library?" I asked.

"Always. I'd spend most of my days there whenever my dad was at work. I'd run to level three and grab a coffee every time." She chuckled.

"No shit? I used to love their coffee. How bout the hot chocolate? Did you ever try that? That was fucking good too. I'm surprised I never ran into you. But then again I haven't set foot in that place in over two years."

"I never tried the hot chocolate actually." She pulled herself off of me and hugged her knees to her chest. "Did you live your whole life in Seattle?"

"My mum and dad were both originally from Chicago. A couple of months after Emmett was born my dad got offered a job in Seattle that he couldn't refuse and the pay was high. He is a well respected heart surgeon, the best in the state. So they moved to Seattle where I was eventually born. So Seattle is pretty much all I've known."

We spent the next two hours just watching TV, relaxed against one another on the couch. She had her iPod with her which I took and downloaded a few songs onto it that I thought she might like. All the songs she had on there already were songs that I loved. It was great to see how similar our tastes in music were. I even added a few Lil Jon and Timbaland songs and some other hip hop songs just to give her a little variety. I preferred alternative rock and that was usually the genre I played but every now and then a little hip hop and R&B would be just as good. It was so easy to talk to her and just hang out with her without any effort, it was just so natural. I was a little relieved when I saw the mark I had caused earlier on her wrist had disappeared. I was going to make sure that never happened again, and if it did, I could never forgive myself.

It was 9 o'clock when she decided she had to head home considering it was a school night. She surprised me when she initiated a kiss when she was saying goodbye. She wrapped her arms around my neck as she brought her lips to mine, nipping at them gently. My hands found her waist immediately, pulling her tiny body flush against mine, loving the feel of her warmth on me. She pulled back all too soon, smiling up at me.

"That was a fucking nice surprise." I smirked as she blushed lightly. I kissed her one last time before I walked her downstairs. Emmett was in his room and Carlisle was in his office. I was sure they both knew she was here because of her truck but I couldn't really give a shit. I wasn't really in the mood to hide from anybody and I was hoping Bella would be sick of it too. Too much fucking effort in it.

She headed home as I made my way back to my room, a smile forming on my lips when I realized my room had a faint smell of strawberries in it as soon as I entered it. I sighed as I tried to forget the night and went to take a shower and went to bed not long after, feeling exhausted after my day. Despite my lethargic state, I had a restless night. I was in and out of sleep, the sight of Bella's wrist flashing through my mind constantly making me uneasy as the guilt continued to gnaw away at my insides.

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**Interesting... next chapter we'll see what was going through Bella's mind exactly during all that...**

**Follow me on twitter if you'd like where i'll keep you posted on the story... Dianakutz is my twitter name if you're interested.**

**I'll try and give you my FF recommendations each chapter because there are some absolutely great ones out there... **

**Emancipation Proclamation is one fantastic fic that i just can't even begin to explain how good it is. It's got everything and i'd actually be surprised if you haven't checked it out already. Definitely my fave ff, i squeal like a little girl when she updates :D Its in my favorites if you'd like.  
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**Would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter....  
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	15. Dont Care About Them

**A/N - Big thank you's to my wonderful readers and reviewers, your kind comments mean the world to me and really push me to get these out quick!**

**I'm on Twitter now so follow me if you'd like some T.H.E updates or just a fun time... things can get pretty fruity (inside joke to my twitter gals!) The link is on my profile. With that said, lots of love to my twitter family, you all make me laugh so hard sometimes.**

**Big love and lots of hugs to my virtual family especially Stormyinco and Debbliss because you two provide me with so many laughs that i find myself laughing hours later just remembering what we talked about mwa!**

**My beta, luv4jake, big thanks to you, you're amazing. She was even kind enough to contact some people who made a banner for this story which you can find the link to on my profile. They did a great job with it!!**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me.

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**BPOV**

I felt a few cool drops of water land on the back of my neck again. I shook my head but kept quiet and tried to ignore his attempts at trying to get a reaction out of me. It was something we used to do a lot as kids... water fights. I guess it was our way of making the task of washing dishes a little more exciting but for some reason at the moment it was annoying me. His light snicker from behind me caused me involuntarily smile. His laugh was like music to my ears and always put a smile on my face no matter what the issue. And I couldn't ever resist him when he was cheeky like that.

I grabbed the next plate and began to scrub that clean until I felt another sprinkle of water on the back of my neck. I froze.

"Would you quit it, please?" I asked trying to hide the amusement in voice. I was met with silence which just got me curious but I shrugged it off and tried to act normal. I continued on with my cleaning as I drained the plate onto the dish rack and was reaching out for a cup when I felt it again. I stopped. With my hands deep in soapy water, I went through in my mind quickly all the different ways I could get him back. I smirked to myself, as I tried to casually grab the faucet, pulling it out to pretend I was going to rinse a dish with it. Without warning I spun around and pointed the spray at Jake.

"Fuck!" His hands flew up in front of him instinctively to uselessly shield himself from the gush of water as he burst out laughing.

The sound of rushing water and our laughs filled the small kitchen as Jacob reached for the cup I was rinsing and dipped it into the sink full of soapy water, his free hand still in front of his face uselessly shielding himself as he tried to catch his breath from the laughter. Once the cup was filled he flung the water at me, a gush of water landing on my chest, soaking my t-shirt.

"Jake!" I shrieked from the cold water as it made contact with me. Jacob saw my distraction as his little window of opportunity to snatch the faucet out of my hands, turning it straight toward me. My hands flew up in front me just like Jacob had done, as my stomach started to ache from all the laughter. I became absolutely drenched, my clothes clung to me, pulling me down with their weight as Jacob stepped closer and pointed the faucet directly over my head like a streaming shower. I clutched my stomach as I laughed, realizing that trying to cover myself with my hands was absolutely useless now. Jacob turned the faucet on himself till he was drenched too as he threw his head back and laughed. I collapsed to the floor in a fit of laughter as I heard the water switch off and seconds later Jacob collapsed beside me, clutching his stomach as he tried to catch his breath.

"That was…oh my….Bella…" Jacob tried to say in between his laughter. That just made me laugh harder.

It was a good ten minutes before we were able to catch our breaths and gain some sort of control over ourselves. We both lay lifeless on the floor, side by side on our backs in a puddle of water, absolutely soaking wet. Jacob turned his head to look at me as I did at the same time, causing both of us to crack into laughter once again. I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

I wiped the tears from my eyes as I calmed down. My stomach was aching so much from all the laughing.

"Fuck, I so didn't expect that defense from you." Jacob said, stifling more laughter.

"You gave me no other choice. I tried to ignore you but it wasn't working so I came back with the vengeance."

"And look where it's gotten us now." He said forcing himself to sit up. I followed his lead, sitting up beside him, my clothes clinging to my body like honey.

"I need a shower." I said pulling my drenched clothes away from my body.

"Likewise. And I do assume you have no clothes for me?" He laughed.

"I have Phil's clothes, if you'd like." I said as Jacob helped me up.

"Maybe I'll just head home." He said running a hand threw his wet hair.

"Whatever but you're not leaving me to clean all this up on my own." I said looking around the kitchen at the mess we had made.

"Cleaning a soaked kitchen in water drenched clothes kinda doesn't work, you know?" He teased. I pushed him against his chest before forcing him toward the stairs.

I grabbed some of Phil's clothes for Jacob to change into before stepping into the shower myself, desperate for the warmth of the spray. We spent the next half hour mopping up the kitchen from all the water and soap before we both collapsed onto the couch in exhaustion.

"That was fun. It's been _ages _since we had a water fight." Jacob mused, flicking through the channels with the remote.

"Well, I kinda assumed we out grew that stage… apparently not." I laughed.

"Nothing like a fit of laughter to raise your spirits." Jacob grinned at me, his perfect white teeth a beautiful contrast against his russet dark skin. He really was a good looking guy. I leaned my head on his shoulder as we laid back and watched useless reality TV for the next hour or so before he had to head home.

I was left home alone as Phil had poker at his friend Garrett's place while Renee tagged along with him to hang out with Garrett's wife, Kate. It was Friday night and Jacob had wanted to come over after school and hang out like he usually did. I had spent every afternoon this week after school at Edward's house except for Tuesday as Jacob had come over to my place. It was amazing just how much I enjoyed my time with Edward and just how much I was falling for him. Or maybe I should be clearer and honest with myself and actually admit that I have fallen for him. I have fallen in love with Edward Cullen.

I've heard people say in the past that there is a defining moment in a relationship when you realize you love someone. Something shifts and changes and it becomes utterly clear that your feelings for that person are so incredibly strong that you would do anything for them. That's what happened to me. I had that same 'shift' as you may call it, Monday night at his place. It was undeniable. It was something that I felt so strongly about that I almost couldn't believe it myself. It was six weeks ago that I met him. Six weeks ago that I started falling in love. But back then I just brushed it off as a simple stupid crush. Then the feelings got stronger, each passing moment with him, I felt more for him. Which brings me to Monday night, when I had that defining moment where I knew I loved him and there was nothing that could change that. No one could make me think otherwise.

I know Edward has issues, of that I am sure. And I want nothing more than to find out what they are and how I can help him. I confronted him the other night about his reaction to my story about Jacob's mother. I'll admit to myself his unusual reaction had me baffled, he seemed to have gotten lost into some sort of trance and I desperately wanted to know why that was. Maybe I went about it the wrong way, confronting him by just coming straight out and asking the question as it is, cutting out the bullshit. But what I didn't seem to consider was maybe if a few simple words were going to elicit a reaction like that from him then what made me think he would actually openly discuss it with me? That's where I acted foolishly and stupidly. His outburst at me shouldn't have surprised me but it did. The anger that flashed in his eyes caused my breath to hitch, I'd never seen anger so intense. He was shaking from rage. I wasn't scared of him though. Edward didn't scare me but I was scared _for_ him. It physically hurt me to know he had demons that were controlling him so strongly. It was almost like he became possessed, I wasn't looking into the bright green eyes that I've grown to love, they looked almost black, an onyx, his jaw clenched tight, his hands fisted and shaking by his sides. A big part of me knew I screwed up asking a question I very well knew was forbidden. So I decided to leave, knowing that would be my safest bet since I had obviously brought up a very sensitive issue. It was when he grasped my wrist to stop me that I felt it… the ache in my chest for him. The ache that I felt knowing I caused him this pain. I knew I loved him when I couldn't bear it. When I couldn't watch him hurt like that. His grasp around my wrist tightened as soon as I made the effort to twist it out of his hold. He hurt me. I won't deny it, his grip was tight I could feel the blood had stopped circulating. I tried to hide my pain, not wanting to add to his self hatred because I know how that feels, but it got to the point where I couldn't bear it anymore, especially when it seemed like he had gotten lost into this trance again.

He let go of me as soon as I made it clear that he was hurting me, his hand dropping mine in disgust as he walked over to his bed, his shoulders hunched over and tense. I tried to reassure him that he didn't hurt me even though he did because I knew adding to his self loathing wasn't going to help matters any. I wanted to put all that aside and just to try to help him and reassure him. I just wanted him, all of him, the good, the bad and the ugly, I'd take it, I wanted it and nothing any one could say could change that. He told me he wasn't good enough for me, that he might hurt me because that's just who he was and call me crazy but I didn't care. That was a risk I was willing to take, to risk my heart because if I could feel the way I am when I'm in his arms then anything is worth it. I eventually admitted that he had hurt me and that even though it was unintentional it couldn't happen again. He reassured me it wouldn't ever happen again and I believed him. I had faith in him.

When I saw him again on Tuesday at school, I noticed he looked tired and exhausted. He tried to play it off as nothing and that he was fine, but I could see every now and then his eyes darting to my wrist slightly, his jaw clenching tight as he did. It was then I realized that he must have spent the whole night beating himself up over it. I didn't have a chance to talk to him properly that day considering we didn't get alone time during school and then Jake was coming over after school to my place. So when I confronted him it was quick and brief. I pulled him aside just after lunch and before biology, finding a corner that wasn't full of rowdy students rushing to class.

"I know what's bothering you." I said straight out, searching his eyes closely to make sure he'd tell me the truth. I saw recognition flash in his eyes as once again his eyes darted to my wrist. His jaw clenched as he took a step closer to me, looking around him briefly to make sure no one was in hearing distance.

"You don't understand the guilt that is eating away at me. I've been trying to fight it for your sake and to seem normal… but I can't." He said, his voice hard. "I fucking hurt you." He said through clenched teeth. I opened my mouth to speak but a group of seniors walked past us, laughing out loud as they pushed and shoved each other teasingly. I waited till they passed before I spoke.

"You can't keep beating yourself up over it. I'm ok. We're in this together." I said, taking a risk and grabbing his hand within mine. His eyes softened as he tried smiling at me.

"You are too fucking good for me Bella." He said closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I'm not. I just care for you too much to see you hurting over something like this."

He seemed a little better the following few days. Wednesday afternoon he was trying, I could tell but he was being gentle with me when he'd grab me for a hug or kiss. I didn't bring it back up with him because I just wanted him to sort it out within himself. I believed I had reassured him enough and didn't want to push him or pressure him to 'just get over it'. Thursday was better and then today at school he seemed back to his old self. I was just hoping tonight I'd be able to see him acting normal again.

I knew I may be in over my head here. I have no idea what his feelings toward me are. This could just be another fling for him, even though a big part of me knows its not. He seems serious about us although his feelings for me still aren't disclosed. But I know I've risked my heart already. I taken that last step off the edge and given myself to him completely. I know I will not make my love for him known to him yet, not until I have at least an inkling of a possibility of something for me.

_Beautiful… I just want you to know, (oh, hooo!) You're my favorite girl… (Eh…oh yeah, there's something about you. Beautiful… I just want you to know, (oh, hooo!). You're my favorite girl… (Eh…oh yeah, there's something about you._

I chuckled at the tone of my phone. Edward had taken the pleasure of adding a ring tone for himself to it, Snoop Dog's Beautiful feat. Pharrell. The words of the song always made me smile. He was so sweet when he wanted to be. I jumped up from the couch and walked into the kitchen where I had left it. I checked it and found a message from Edward.

**Fucker still there?**

I giggled at the simplicity of the message and how from three words I could gouge his feelings to the situation. I quickly sent him a message back.

**No, Jacob left a while ago. I'll be there soon.**

I ran up to my room and changed into some black tights and an over sized t-shirt that slipped off the shoulder. I grabbed my black boots, pulling them on hurriedly before grabbing my black jacket which I slipped on as I rushed back down the stairs and to my truck.

I know Edward was not happy about the idea of missing an afternoon with me because of Jacob and he has made quite the effort to make that known to me. I've told him numerous times that Jacob has been coming over to my place after school for years now, he was my best friend and so it wasn't something I could just stop doing because I started seeing him. But the upside of tonight was that it was Friday so I can stay out now till my curfew at 11. I know for a fact that since Phil is playing poker, him and mum won't be back home till after midnight, so I was in no hurry to make it back home by curfew.

We still hadn't told anyone about us. Dr. Cullen knows something is up considering he has seen me there three times this week after school, the entire time locked up in Edward's bedroom. Emmett has a fair idea although Edward explained that he hasn't admitted anything to him, so it's still hanging in the air for him.

Before I knew it, I was pulling into his driveway. The front door flew open as I jumped out, my eyes meeting Edward's bright green ones. My heart began its erratic beat as I slammed my truck door shut and tried to hide the huge grin that graced my face. It's only been a few hours since I last saw him at school but I had already missed him and the fact that we could now spend some alone time was thrilling to me. I made my way up the few steps of their porch till Edward's arms snaked around my waist and pulled me to him. I leaned up till our lips touched briefly.

"I thought I was going to have to go over there and either drag your ass over here or kick his fucking ass out of there." He said linking his hand with mine and pulling me into the house.

"I told you he'd be there for a couple of hours. I made dinner for us." I said as we walked up the stairs toward his bedroom.

As soon as we stepped into his room, the door was slammed shut behind us and I found myself pressed up against the door before I could even blink. Edward's lips crashed to mine catching me totally off guard. I quickly gathered myself and moved my lips against his, my hands finding their way into his soft thick hair as he placed one of his hands against the door beside my head and the other on my hip. As soon as his tongue brushed against my bottom lip I opened up for him, our tongues coming together fervently. I have no idea what came over him but he hasn't kissed me like this before. His kisses are normally a little reserved and held back. But not now, now he has completely let go, his body pressed up completely against mine, pushing me aggressively into the door. And a part of me was dancing with happiness that he seemed to be over what happened Monday night. I could clearly feel his erection against my stomach, eliciting a little moan from me and causing him to groan into my mouth. It's definitely not the first time I have felt it, because he has pressed it against me a few times this week. He tilted his head to the side allowing him to deepen the kiss even more, his hand against the door finding its way to the back of my neck. He pulled away from my mouth, his lips finding my neck as he placed open mouthed kisses down along my neck, my eyes rolling into the back of my head at the sensation. His lips came back to mine but this time softly and tenderly.

He pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine, our chests heaving against one another as we tried to gain control of our breathing again.

"Sorry but I fucking missed you." He said smirking at me as he pulled back to look into my eyes.

"Well, then, maybe we should start spending more time apart if that's the hello I'm going to get." I said with a light chuckle. His eyes darkened as he brought his tongue out and grazed it along my jaw and down my neck slowly then back up till his lips were at my ear. He flicked my ear lobe with his tongue a few times before he sucked on it. I moaned loudly unable to hold it back as my hands tightened around his hair. I couldn't believe just how much my body ached for him. He released my lobe but left his lips against my ear.

"Or you could just stay where you are and I could show you just how fucking pleasurable your hello could be." His voice was low and husky and my eyes fluttered closed for second as I bit back a moan.

He chuckled at my expression as he pulled back and placed a soft kiss on my lips before he let go of me and walked over to his desk. I gathered myself, still under a haze from Edward before I walked over to his bed and sat down. I ripped my jacket off, suddenly feeling really hot and threw it onto his desk chair.

"Will you wait here while I grab some cups?" He asked turning to me. I nodded with a smile before he disappeared out of the room.

I laid back on his bed, leaving my feet to hang off the edge as I stared up at the ceiling. I brought my fingers up to my lips that were still swollen from Edward. I smiled at the thought as I remembered just how great his tongue is when he kisses me. I've only ever kissed Edward but I was sure not everybody could kiss the way he did.

"Miss me?" His voice startled me as I shot up and saw him by his desk again, his shoulders shaking with his silent laughter. I brushed my fingers through my hair lightly just as he walked back over to me holding a cup of something. He held it out to me and I cocked an eyebrow at him wondering what it was.

"Vodka and coke." He answered my silent question. I took the cup from him tentatively before he spoke again, "And don't worry I'm not trying to get you drunk. I just figured its Friday night we should hang out and just chill." He shrugged before grabbing his cup from his desk and then walked over to his stereo and before long the music of the Kings of Leon blared out from the speakers.

"You seem to like them a lot." I observed. It was the album he played the most. He shrugged as he sat down next to me.

"I used to… ah… play a few of their songs on my guitar." He said glancing briefly at me before taking a long drink from his glass. I nodded in understanding, once again noticing the topic was sensitive so I didn't ask anything more. "I was thinking we should play a game." He said bringing his legs up on the bed and crossing them Indian style as he turned his body to face me.

"What kind of game?" I asked taking a drink. I cringed a little at how strong it was but drank anyway.

"Ever played 21 questions?" He asked.

"Yep a couple of times."

"So you know how it works? Take turns in asking questions to each other about anything at all till we reach 21." I nodded.

"Ok, do you want to go first?" He asked.

"Ok." I said hesitantly as I mirrored his position on the bed and crossed my legs Indian style to face him. I pondered what I could ask him or more like what could be a safe question to ask. "Is the fact that Forks is boring the only reason you hate it?" I asked thinking that was a simple enough question.

He let out a gust of air as he thought about his answer. "No." He answered with a shake of his head. "I hate it because it isn't my home. My home is back in Seattle. The home that I was raised in, the home that holds my mothers memories is all back in Seattle. As far as I'm concerned Forks is just a town I've been forced in because of my stupidity. It will never be anything more than that." He shrugged as he took a drink of vodka. I felt a twinge of hurt at his words. I understood completely where he was coming from but the fact that he said Forks would never be his home was a little surprising. I was hoping I could help change that in the future.

"Ok, your go." I said suddenly nervous at the million different questions he could ask me.

"Have you ever had any sexual thoughts about Jacob?" He asked casually. I sucked in a breath at his question, completely caught off guard.

"You know the answer to that." I said a little defensively.

"Fuck don't get pissed, I asked a simple question. And I don't know. You said on one occasion that you haven't seen him as more than just a friend but I'm sure it might have slipped your mind at one point or another." He said still sounding like the question was no big deal. I squirmed a little in my spot, feeling the intensity of his gaze. I could see his 'supposed' nonchalance to the question was a façade that he was putting on to make it seem like it doesn't bother him but the look his eyes as he watched me closely awaiting for my answer was telling me otherwise.

"No never." I answered finally, my voice coming out sharper than I had intended. I took a long swig of my drink as I watched his shoulders relax. Just what I thought.

"Did you sleep with Lauren?" I asked throwing back a similar question. I didn't really want to know the answer but at the same time I was hoping he would just say no so I could relax. I hated the fact that he had been sexual with her and I was just hoping he didn't go all the way. He narrowed his eyes at me, obviously not impressed by my question but if he was going to ask such questions from me than I could do it back.

"No, I never slept with Lauren." He said still eyeing me closely.

"Ok," I said looking away from his eyes. It was a relief that he hadn't but I still couldn't stop thinking that he had fooled around with her no doubt.

"You've mentioned before that Lauren has always been a bitch to you. Is there a reason?" He asked downing the rest of his drink before placing it on the floor beside his bed. He leaned back on his palms as he waited for me to answer. My eyes darted to the sliver of skin of his abs that became exposed as his shirt rode up. His slight brownish happy trail exposed for my eyes as I blatantly stared at it, feeling my heart beat quicken. I forced my gaze away and back to his eyes only to find Edward smirking at me. I shook my head and tried to answer his question.

"She knows I have insecurities about… myself." I shrugged a shoulder trying to seem nonchalant about it even though my heart began its pounding at the turn the topic had taken. "I guess she just lives off… making girls feel below her. She is highly self confident and is not subtle about making it known to those that are not." I looked down into my lap, chewing on my bottom lip so hard it was starting to hurt. He leaned forward off his palms and grabbed my hand, making me look up into his eyes.

"She doesn't even begin to compare to you. You are fucking beautiful. More beautiful than any girl I ever met and I fucking mean that shit." He said. The overwhelming love I have for him just swelled even more at his words. I could see from the look in his eyes that they were sincere, he wasn't just being nice and for the first time ever, from a few simple words it actually made me believe him. In the past I used to just brush it off as politeness and I wouldn't believe a word anyone had to say, my own thoughts taking over and over powering the words of others. But with Edward, I believed him. I smiled softly before leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. He cupped my face with his hand as he nipped at my lips, the kiss passionate but without tongue, it was sensual. He pulled back before placing another quick kiss on my lips. He smiled at me, his gaze boring into mine, his eyes melting me instantly.

_I love you Edward, _I thought as I looked into his eyes. He sat back as did I without breaking eye contact.

"Go." He said running a hand through his hair.

"What's the biggest lie you've ever told?" I asked. He smirked while shaking his head.

"Fuck, Bella, I could go on and on. Do you want just one?" He asked.

"The biggest." I said shrugging.

"Ok…" He answered as he dropped his head back as he thought. "The biggest lie…" He muttered to himself. "Don't know if it's the biggest but I spent once my entire weekly allowance purely on drugs and alcohol. So when Carlisle found out he was suspicious how in the hell I could blow my weekly allowance within one day of getting it. I told him I bought an expensive birthday gift for Emmett that would take a few weeks to deliver but that I wasn't going to tell him what it was." He shrugged. "Not sure if he believed me but he has enough money not to worry too much."

"How much?" I asked, curious as to how much money could be blown in one go on drugs and alcohol.

"Sorry, my turn." He grinned at me. I rolled my eyes and waited for him to ask the next question. "I'll keep this one easy… favorite movie and why?"

"Ok, um, I have a few… don't laugh but 'The Notebook' is one of them." Despite what I said he laughed.

"No surprise." He said still laughing.

"The Notebook, Con Air and Fight Club. Why I like them… because I'm a sucker for love stories and I love a bit of action packed movies too."

"That's my girl." He grinned at me.

"I'll ask you the same question, favorite movie and why?"

"Well, fight club is one of them but I also love Top Gun as you already know, the Godfather movies, ah… fuck I like anything I guess." He said before getting up and walking over to his desk where his bottle of Stolichnaya sat. He grabbed the bottle and walked back over to us attempting to refill my cup before I shook my head.

"I have to drive home." I said.

"Oh fuck. Well, do you mind if I drink?"

"Go ahead."

He filled his cup with vodka before adding some coke from the bottle he had brought up with him before. He walked back over to the bed and sat down, his cup in his lap.

"What did you think of me when you first met me?" He asked. "And be honest."

I thought about my answer and exactly how honest I should actually be considering my thoughts about him when I first met him weren't all too good.

"The first time I saw you was in the cafeteria when you confronted Tyler." He smirked at me. "I was grateful that you stood up for me even though a part of me knew it wasn't just for my sake. It was the first time I had seen you after Jacob mentioned that we had new students. Anyway, when I saw you in biology it wasn't until then that I noticed… you were cute." I blushed as I looked up at him, he was smirking at me even more, "Cute doesn't do you justice but then when I tried to apologize you just brushed me off rudely. I thought maybe I had done something to offend you. Then I started to agree with Jake and think maybe you were some arrogant ass. But there was a part of me that couldn't hate you, I still felt connected to you in some weird way, I wanted you to like me and I don't know why I felt that way, I just did." I shrugged.

"I was an ass." He said simply.

"My turn, why were you so rude to me in the beginning. Did you really hate me?"

"That's two questions."

"Just answer them." I said rolling my eyes. "They're connected so it doesn't count."

"Fine, did I hate you? I thought I told you at Paul's party that I didn't after you accused me of hating you."

"You did but it doesn't explain why you were so cold and rude towards me. What else was I supposed to think?" I asked fiddling with my fingers.

"I only caught a glimpse of you in the cafeteria, my attention was purely on fucking up Tyler so I didn't really get a good look at you till biology. I was rude to you because that's just who I was. I was pissed at everything and everyone at that point, I had just started a new school, been forced to a new fucked up town." He shrugged. "I wasn't a cheerful fucker… still aren't now but I had more reason at that point not to be. But then I saw you when I asked you for a pen… fuck Bella your hair? And your smell? How can I fucking explain it… let's just say I felt that connection too, I felt a pull toward you and I freaked the fuck out because I began to get nervous and never in my life have I been nervous around a girl. Never have I felt out of control about a girl and I hated that shit, I hated the feeling of being out of control so I became rude to you on purpose after that, hoping I could leave a reasonable distance between us."

I stared at him in stunned silence. That was not the answer I had expected. He liked me from the beginning? He felt that connection? I would have never thought Edward felt that way from the beginning.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, his eyes narrowed at me as I sat in silence.

"Is that your question?" I asked.

"No, we've paused now."

"I don't know. I was so convinced you hated me so you have sort of taken me by surprise."

"I could never hate you Bella." He said gazing at me. I could see the soft side of him reflected through his eyes at that moment. That hard exterior that he puts on, dissipating as he stared back at me.

"If you could have one supernatural power what would it be?" He asked with his crooked smile in place. I couldn't help but smile back.

"That's easy, to be invisible." He cocked an eyebrow at me so I elaborated. "It would be great to watch people secretly. To see what people do when they're alone and what they get up to. Imagine all the stuff you would witness." I said with a chuckle. He shook his head at me.

"Nuh, reading minds would be the ultimate super power."

"Ok, my question then, why reading minds?" I asked fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt.

"You would know everything about everyone. Just imagine the things you would learn about someone. There would be absolutely no secrets. If someone likes you, hates you, if they committed a murder, if they just slept with someone… no one could lie to you… they could but you'd know." He grinned, his face lighting up making him look even more beautiful if that were even possible, his green eyes bright with amusement.

"Fine, but I think reading minds would drive you insane after a while, hearing so many different thoughts at once."

"But the information you'd know would make it all worth it." He laughed.

"That's silly." I retorted.

"To you maybe but not to me. You're a stalker."

"You're even worse!" I debated. He just laughed, his beautiful musical laugh. It was great seeing him happy because I've noticed it's rare.

"Ok, so what's your favorite childhood memory?" He asked, his face turning serious again. The answer came to mind before he'd even finished asking the question but the only thing was, was that it included Jake and I knew he hated hearing about Jake but I guess he asked the question so I was going to answer it honestly.

"When we'd have a rare hot day, Jake and I would have water fights out in the yard with the hose. We became so addicted to them at one point that we started having them indoors while we were doing the dishes or something much to the dismay of our parents though." I giggled at the memory. "Actually we had one just today when he…" I trailed off when I saw his eyes narrow at me.

"Ok my turn." I said hoping to move on.

"Fuck no. Finish what you were saying." He snapped. I stared back at him wondering why he'd get so mad.

"I was just saying we had a water fight this afternoon while he was over. We were doing the dishes and he started it." I shrugged trying to play it off.

"Ok then." He said with a nod before taking a long drink out of his cup. "I'm sick of this game, let's stop." He said standing up. "Fuck I need some weed." He said heading to the door. "I'm just going to Em's room to get the bong, he keeps stealing it out of here, the dick." He said.

"Ok." I answered as he disappeared down the hall. I could hear music coming from Emmett's room as the door opened which meant Emmett must have come home. I wondered how long he had been home but I wasn't able to ponder that thought too long before Edward's voice rang out from down the hall, yelling a few profanities.

I jumped up from the bed and walked over to the door to see what was going on when I saw her, my eyes widening when my eyes met Rosalie's. My teeth found my bottom lip as she stared at me with narrowed eyes.

"It's none of your fucking business so stay the fuck out of it." Edward snapped causing Rosalie to look back at him.

"Fuck you Edward, she can do whatever the hell she likes but I don't understand what she sees in you. You're nothing but an arrogant-"

"Rose shut it!" Emmett said appearing beside Rosalie. "Give him some credit." Emmett defended. I had nothing to say to her so I slammed the door shut in their faces and walked over to the bed, my hands shaking in anger. I couldn't believe she would just stand there and start telling Edward off again. I heard them yell a little more back and forth, the voices muffled by the barrier of the door and the sound of the music ringing out of the speakers in the room. Edward and I knew very well that we weren't hiding our relationship very well considering the chance of Rose seeing my truck was high. But we weren't really trying to hide it anymore, just putting it off because that's exactly the kind of reception we knew we'd get once everyone found out.

Edward suddenly walked back inside, the door flying open before slamming it shut behind him and startling me out of my thoughts.

"She's your best friend?" He asked, pointing with his thumb towards the door, he wasn't expecting me to answer. "She is a fucking bitch that's what she is." Edward said as he raked his fingers through his hair. I noticed his hands were in fists and shaking a little from his anger. He walked over to the bed and I assumed he was going for his cup but instead he grabbed the bottle of vodka. I walked over to him as he tipped the bottle back and took a long drink. I tried to pry the bottle out of his grip and surprisingly he didn't hesitate allowing me to take it from him, where I placed it on the floor beside the bed again. I turned back toward him, pushing him back till the back of his knees found the bed and he fell back sitting down. I sat in his lap and wrapped my hands around his neck saying nothing. I kissed his neck slowly up toward his jaw, loving the feel of his stubble against my skin before I met my lips with his. He moaned as soon as our lips made contact, his hands cupping my face lovingly. I wasn't sure if I could express into words what I wanted to tell him so I was hoping this kiss would. He spun me around so that I was straddling his lap making it easier to kiss him. He brushed his tongue along my bottom lip and I happily opened for him just like I have opened up my heart for him. I was giving him all of me and I didn't care what anyone said because he was all I wanted. Our tongues came together fervently as he kissed me back passionately, his hands still cupping my face as he tilted his head so that he could deepen the kiss.

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you_

I kept repeating those three simple words that held so much meaning in my head as I kissed him, hoping I was able to express just how much through my kiss. To express to him just how much I needed him and nothing anyone could say or do could change that.

I eventually pulled away, struggling for air as we both breathed heavily, trying to catch our breaths. He leaned his forehead against mine as his chest heaved with his shallow breaths. I began stroking my fingers through his hair, knowing that always relaxed him. He moaned at the sensation as his hands fell from my face and to my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Don't listen to her." I murmured.

"She's right." He said, his voice relaxed and lazy from my fingers running through his soft and thick hair. It had grown so much since 6 weeks ago.

"I don't care."

"I'm not good for you."

"You are."

"I want us to work though. I want to try with you Bella."

"We will and I know. I want you to Edward."

He nuzzled his face into my neck, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. My hands stayed in his silky hair, letting my fingers scrape his scalp lightly, wanting him to relax. I eventually wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into the crook of his neck just like he was doing with me. Our chests meeting with each inhale we took together. His scent was just as perfect as always, sending a calm to wash over me, his touch sending that warm buzz through my entire body. I've never felt safer than I did in that moment.

We sat like that for a while, the music of the Kings of Leon still floating softly in the room around us. I pulled away first and looked into his green orbs, finding myself getting lost in them. The side of his lip curled up into his crooked grin as he stared back at me.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"Just how beautiful you are." I felt my blush creep into my cheeks as he chuckled lightly.

I climbed off his lap and kicked my shoes off before crawling up his bed and laying down on my stomach, clutching his pillow against my chest and under my chin. He looked over at me with a smile before kicking his shoes off as well and joining me. He laid down on his stomach, his face only a few inches from mine.

We sat in complete silence for a while, just staring at each other. I felt so comfortable and at ease with him but what happened between him and Rosalie was gnawing at the back of my mind.

"She obviously saw my truck." I said after a while. He nodded, keeping his eyes on me, his expression deep in thought. "What did she say?" By the look in his eyes this wasn't something that he wanted to discuss.

"Does it fucking matter what she said?" He asked.

"Not really, no." I said noticing he was still pissed.

"I didn't deny it though."

"Ok."

"You don't care?"

"They were going to find out sooner or later and like I said, I don't care what any of them have to say."

"Even Jake?" He asked, his eyes studying me closely. The truth was, I didn't care what Jake had to say but I wasn't looking forward to telling him. "Just what I fucking thought." He said, taking my silence as his answer.

"I will tell him." I said hugging his pillow closer to me.

"But you're what? Scared or some shit?" He asked almost sounding disgusted with me.

"No. I just know this will hurt him. He likes me Edward, more than a friend, so I know he won't take news like this very well. I don't want him to get hurt." I waited for him to say something but he didn't. He just laid there and continued to stare at me but I could see the wheels in his head turning. He was in deep thought.

There was a knock on the door that startled me. I sat up knowing pretty well it was either Rose or Emmett or both. Edward cussed under his breath as he climbed out of bed and opened the door, one hand on the door frame and the other holding the door open, his stance unwelcoming.

"I came to apologize." I heard Rose's voice say dryly. I knew this wouldn't be her idea considering Rose never apologizes for anything she does.

"I don't give a shit." Edward said dryly. I got out of bed and walked over to the door and to Edward. Rosalie's eyes met mine, anger and worry etched across her face.

"Edward?" I said placing my hand on his back hoping he'd let me through or let Rosalie in. It was then I noticed Emmett standing down the hall leaning against the wall outside his bedroom watching us. Edward turned his head to me but kept his stance.

"I said I'm sorry what more do you want? It was wrong of me to snap at you but I can't help it." Rosalie said ignoring Edward's comment and making Edward's head snap back to her.

"It's ok." I said. I was desperate to talk to her. Edward continued to stare her down, his stance not faltering in the slightest. I ducked under Edward's arm and grabbed Rosalie by the arm pulling her away from Edward. "I want to talk to you." I said walking down the hall.

"Talk in here, I'm going to speak to Edward." Emmett said pushing himself off the wall and heading toward Edward. Rosalie walked into Emmett's room as I glanced briefly over at Edward who dropped his arm off the door frame and was eyeing me closely. I smiled lightly before walking into Emmett's room and closing the door behind me.

Emmett's room was just as big as Edward's but was packed with furniture and things, Edward's room still was slightly empty. His bed was a king just like Edward's but the comforter was a dark blue with grey patterning in it. He had an LCD TV mounted onto the wall, and beneath it a shelf that held heaps of DVDs, music and games. Beside the shelf on the floor lay a Nintendo, PS3 and Xbox startling me with all the game consoles he owned. He had a shelf with a few books not many but his desk was cluttered with papers, books, pens, magazines and picture frames. I turned my attention back to Rosalie who was sitting on Emmett's bed resting back on her hands.

"Why'd you lie?" Rosalie accused me, narrowing her eyes at me. I sighed in annoyance before sitting myself beside her, my hands in my lap.

"I didn't lie."

"No, you just kept it from us."

"Because of the reaction we knew we'd get from my overprotective friends."

"We're overprotective for a reason."

"What do you want from me?" I asked, my anger building.

"I just don't want you with him."

"Too bad, I am already." I said sharply causing her eyes to widen in surprise at my tone.

"Have you slept with him?"

"What do you take me for?" I snapped standing up and grabbing my hair by the roots in frustration. I turned back to her and cocked an eyebrow.

"You know how he is."

"Yes I do but _I'm_ not and he knows that. For your information he hasn't even tried anything." As soon as the words slipped my mouth it hit me.

_He hasn't touched you._

_Maybe he doesn't find you attr-_

I quickly shook my head so the voices wouldn't start again. I squeezed my eyes shut as my grip on my hair tightened, as if pulling my hair would pull the thoughts out of my head.

"Its only been a week." Rosalie's voice startled me, her tone stern. When I opened my eyes I found her standing in front of me. Her eyes studying me closely, she knew exactly what was going through my head. I stared back at her, my teeth finding my bottom lip again as I tried to clear my head.

"Bella." She said sternly grasping onto my shoulders tightly. "Don't even go there, you know they're not true." I stared back at her as the ache in my chest began to rise to the surface, worry overtaking me. Rosalie's hands left my shoulders as she placed her hands onto my arms which I hadn't realized were unconsciously wrapped around my torso now, trying to hold myself together. She pulled me into a hug, a little awkward as my arms stayed wrapped around me.

Luckily I had learned to control that part of my brain that creeps in every now and then when triggered. It was all part of the therapy I was forced to take over 3 years ago and if it wasn't for that exercise I probably would have fallen back into that phase of my life easily.

"I'm ok." I said my voice sounding stronger than I expected. Rosalie pulled back and smiled at me softly before she leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"I know you are." She said firmly. "Look Bella," She took a deep breath before she continued. "I'll back off but that doesn't mean I'll take it easy on Edward. That's the best I can do till he can show me he is worth it." I nodded, not really wanting to argue with her, if she says she'll back off then that's the best I could ask for at the moment.

"Thank you." I murmured just appreciative that she will at least try. She pulled me over to Emmett's bed and sat me down beside her, turning her body so that she was facing me. I did the same.

"I'm talking to you as your supportive friend now… what do you see in him? Maybe it will help me accept him a little better."

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I really don't know, I just feel it. I can't really explain it but I get him, I understand what he is going through. I really, really like him." That was as much as I was going to admit of my feelings for him. Edward would be the first to know that I love him, no one else. Also, I need to take baby steps with Rosalie. She continued to stare at me, as if gouging exactly how sincere my words are.

"I have to say it Bella, I never figured you'd go after someone like Edward." She said eventually.

"That's just the thing, I didn't try anything. It just happened."

"And you've been together, together for what? Like a week?"

"How did you know?" I asked puzzled.

"Well, you'd have to be practically blind not to have noticed how you guys were acting last weekend. Your body language toward each other just switched. Don't question me, I'm your best friend I know these things." She laughed.

"Yeah well, it's true."

"As long as you're happy." She said putting an arm around my shoulder. "Let's go."

"Things going well with you and Emmett?" I asked as we stood up.

"Yep, great. I pissed him off earlier though. No worries, I'll just blow him and he'll forget what he was pissed at me for anyways." She said so nonchalantly. I gasped as I felt my blush creep into my cheeks. Rosalie looked at me and burst out laughing.

"Geez if just talking about it gets that reaction out of you what is Edward going to do with you?" She asked with a smirk.

"Shut up Rose." I said dryly.

"But seriously, take it slow, Bella. The guy is a man whore and I don't want you as another number on that fucking list." She said reaching for the door knob and turning it.

"I will. I'm too freaked out to do anything now anyways."

"Good." We stepped out into the hall and found the door to Edward's room was still closed. We made our way over and knocked on the door. A few seconds later, Emmett opened the door, smiling softly at me.

"Hey Bella bear!" Emmett grinned.

"Hey Emmy bear!" I laughed. He pulled me into one of his bone crushing hugs. I hugged him back and it honestly felt like hugging a big teddy bear. He let me down and my eyes found Edward, sitting on the chair by his desk. He winked at me and gestured me over with his finger. I couldn't wait to be in his arms again. I hurried over forgetting Emmett and Rosalie were still there as Edward pulled me into his lap, his arms snaking around my waist and placed a soft lingering kiss on my cheek.

"No need to hide no more." He said with a grin before kissing me on the lips. I pulled away not wanting to put on a show for Emmett and Rosalie but Edward wouldn't have any of it, his hand finding the back of my neck and plunging his tongue into my mouth. I moaned as soon as I felt his tongue and returned the kiss, one hand twisting into his hair at the back of his neck. We heard a throat clear, reminding me we weren't alone. Edward pulled away reluctantly, flipping the bird to Emmett and Rose as I buried my face into the crook of his neck, embarrassed for not being able to hold back.

"That's going to take some getting used to." I heard Rose mumble.

"That's Edward for ya. He makes them good girls go bad." Emmett began to sing, "I know your type, your daddy's little girl, just take a bite."

"One bite." Rose added with a chuckle.

"Cause just one night couldn't be so wrong, I'm gonna make you lose control." Emmett continued. "He makes them good girls go bad, he makes them good girls go bad." I buried my face even deeper into Edward's neck as he laughed at his brother.

Emmett burst out laughing unable to finish singing while I heard Rose mutter, "No way, he isn't making her anything."

I felt Edward's lips on my neck as he kissed me softly. I turned my head to face him, he was smiling crookedly at me. I smiled back at him, loving the smile of ease on his face.

"Alright, let's eat something." Emmett bellowed.

"You're a fucking pit that's what you are. A fucking bottomless pit." Edward chuckled.

"Fuck you, man." Emmett said to Edward. "Come on baby, let's get some pizza. We'll wait for you guys downstairs." Emmett and Rosalie turned and walked out of the room closing the door behind them.

"Want to eat?" Edward asked.

"If you want to, I'm not that hungry."

"Hmm, well I had to eat a sandwich since I didn't have any gourmet food for me today." He chuckled.

"Aww, I could have brought some left overs with me but when Jacob is around, there never is a chance of left overs." I added with a smile, just remembering the way Jake gobbled down his dinner today.

"So what happened with the Amazon?" He asked as I pulled away from his neck and sat up straight.

"She's going to back off. Let us work ourselves out I guess."

"She should have backed off from day one." He sighed.

"Not much we can do about that now." I said standing up and holding my hand out for him to take. He took my hand and stood up as we made our way downstairs.

By the time we got downstairs, Emmett had already ordered a couple of pizzas. The four of us settled on the couch in front of the TV and for the first time I was able to sit next to Edward and cuddle up to him. I laid my head on his shoulder as he draped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me into his side. We hung out till the pizza arrived and everyone started eating. I'd already eaten dinner with Jake so I wasn't hungry. Although Edward did try to feed me a couple of times from his plate which I had to keep dodging. I took a bite on his first attempt hoping that would please him enough to stop offering but it just made it worse.

"I really don't want any." I said turning my head into his shoulder and away from the slice he was trying to force into my mouth.

"Come on, make me fucking happy and eat." He pushed. One thing I absolutely hated was being forced to eat. It brought back too many memories as it was something I had to endure on a daily basis for years.

"Edward, if she doesn't want to eat, don't force her." Rosalie said seriously.

"It's ok Rose." I said shaking my head. I didn't want to make a big deal about it.

"It's ten. She hasn't eaten since five. She's got to be hungry…I'm just being fucking nice." He retorted. I grabbed onto his arm, not wanting them to argue.

"I'll eat if I want, really." I said to Edward, pleading with my eyes for him to understand. He gazed at me for a few seconds as if wondering why we were making a fuss about it before nodding and turning his attention back to the TV. I glanced over at Rosalie who was looking at me with a relieved expression. I smiled lightly before turning my attention back to the TV wondering just how much longer I was going to be able to ignore this before it all came out in the open. Because the thing was, something like this was bound to come up sooner or later.

* * *

**What do you think is Bella's problem? Let me know your thoughts and opinions, i love hearing them especially about certain characters haha**

**Some more story recommendations i think you should all try out.**

**Closer by teambella23 is a great story with the perfect mix of angst and love. The story line is unlike any other i have read. This one is now complete and the sequel to it was just posted last week.**

**Master of Disaster by Tropical Sorbet is a great Dom/sub story with a twist. Unlike the other D/s stories i have read so make you sure you check this one out.**

**My Brother's Best Friend by Jennlynnfs is definitely one of my fave stories. Very addictive too. This one was finished last week with only the epilogue waiting.**

**All these are in my favorites list on my profile.  
**

**See you all next time!  
**


	16. Forget The World

**A/N- Thank you to all my lovely readers, you all rock, especially your lovely reviews... i love reading them and mostly hearing your theories... i have me some smart readers...**

**Lots of love and thanks to the one person who makes this all easier for me, my beta luv4jake. I love your suggestions and helping me change things that I thought would be obvious to non-Australians lol. I'd like to thank her for the song choice for this chapter... its perfect.**

**My twitter buddies. Teambella23, luv4teamedward, Angeltiger33, SusanaA81, Sugunary and tropicaltherani. You all are the best and make me laugh so hard.**

**Debbliss and Stormyinco you both know just how much i love you... big hugs to you mwa!!**

**If you want to follow me on twitter, the link is on my profile and the outfits for this chapter are on my profile too, i'm trying to do outfits links for each chapter.**

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

* * *

**Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol**

We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own

We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel

Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads

I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

**EPOV**

I slipped a red t-shirt on as I made my way down the stairs. I could hear some banging going on in the kitchen as I descended them.

"Fucking shit!"

I furrowed my brows as Emmett's cursing filtered up the stairs. It didn't take long for me to figure out he was most likely attempting to make breakfast.

"You bitch!"

I chuckled to myself as I stepped into the kitchen, seeing Emmett's big form hovering over the stove, the sound of crackling coming from the pan.

"Ouch, fuck you!" He cussed, jumping back as a splatter of oil hit him. I bit my lip to stop my laugh as I approached him.

"I'm hungry is that for me?" I asked fighting back a smirk, knowing all too well what kind of reaction I was going to get from that.

"How bout you go fuck yourself." He snapped, trying to flip the bacon. I eyed the pan with furrowed brows.

"Are you deep frying those or some shit? How much fucking oil did you put in there?" I asked incredulously.

"Not much. Just enough to cover the bottom of the pan." He said jumping back as another one popped.

"I don't know man but that looks like a lot." I said observing the pan.

"I only put enough to the cover the bottom but it seems to have doubled." He said wincing from another splatter. "Fuck!"

"Maybe cause bacon has enough natural fat in it… I don't know man, cooking is not my forte." I said walking off to grab my cigarettes off the bench. I pulled one out and lit it up.

"You're not supposed to smoke in here." Emmett complained as he tried to drain the bacon onto a plate. They looked way too crispy.

"Yeah well, dad isn't here and won't be here till tomorrow night so fuck it." I said taking a drag.

"Do you even know why he's gone to Seattle?"

"Nope and I don't fucking care. As long as he is out of my sight I'm a happy fucking camper." Emmett shook his head at me as he placed his plate of bacon and another plate of eggs at the breakfast bar and took a seat on a stool. I watched him take the first bite of his bacon and how his face contorted into disgust. I snickered.

"Shut the fuck up. I'd like to see you try." He said through a mouthful of bacon.

"I don't try, that's why I'm laughing."

"This is too hard to even crunch dude." He said throwing a half eaten piece of bacon back down onto his plate in frustration.

"What are you doing today anyways?" I asked.

"I think I'm heading out with Marcus for the first half and then Rose is coming over later on."

"Did you tell her to tell Jazz to come by later tonight?"

"Nope, I thought you'd do that."

"Fuck wit." I muttered. "Well, I'm heading out with Bella to buy a TV cabinet to store my shit in. I might buy a couple of other things while I'm at it. My room is need of a lot of crap." I said as I stood up, taking one last drag before running it under the tap to put it out. I threw the butt into the bin.

"What time are you meeting her?" He asked, giving up on the bacon and wolfing down his eggs.

"In a little bit. I'm going to pick her up."

"You really like her, I can tell." He observed, looking at me intently. His stare made me uncomfortable. I wasn't one to discuss feelings and shit. That was for fucking pansies. And I am not a fucking pansy, I may be becoming a motherfucking pussy but I'll never be a fucking pansy.

"Well, I'm off." I said ignoring his statement. "See you later." I called over my shoulder as I headed up the stairs to grab a hoodie.

"Alligator." Emmett added with a laugh.

Once I had slipped on a black hoodie on top of my t-shirt, I grabbed my phone, iPod, wallet, ray bans and car keys and headed back down stairs. Emmett was no where to be seen as I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter off the kitchen bench and headed out to my Beemer.

I climbed in behind the wheel, putting on my ray bans as I started the engine and pulled out of our driveway and sped my way toward Bella's house.

Bella.

Beautiful Bella.

If I had someone come up to me a few weeks ago and told me that one girl was going to take complete control of over my body and mind I would have told them to go fuck themselves.

No kidding.

I never thought I'd be one of those guys who were always desperate to spend time with their girlfriend. But I was one of them now and I deserve a fucking pat on the back for that shit because never in a million fucked up years would I have thought I'd be joining a group of such shit. But here I am.

The past week went by pretty shitty but that is never a surprise for me because my life is quite shitty so for me shitty is pretty god damn good. I was beating myself up over the whole wrist thing. I haven't physically hurt chicks before but I don't treat them with respect, I guess that's a pretty fine line that I've crossed in the past but I never hurt anyone of them physically… emotionally? Fuck yes. She gave me a little talk Tuesday at school about it, obviously my attitude wasn't something pleasant. I was in a fucking daze, my mind replaying the incident over and over in my head, taunting me with the images of her reddened wrist. What was fucking me up was the fact that I didn't realize I did it. If I fucking got angry and hit her that would be a little more understandable, I think. But I simply grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving… and my grip seemed to have tightened without my conscious control, hurting her in the process. That was what was freaking me out. I promised her it wouldn't happen again and I meant that shit but if I didn't fucking realize I was doing it, how was I supposed to promise that shit? I guess I just have to try and be gentle with her, because that's exactly how she deserves to be treated, with tender care.

Jacob.

What a fucking douche.

It's never been a news flash that I don't like him. That much has been apparent since day one. But now, well now I have a new found hate toward him.

My girl.

He seems to have reined himself in as some kind of protector over her. He can go fuck himself. I'll admit to a little jealousy, just a fucking little. Because my time with Bella still has to be shared with Jacob. And I'll admit straight out that shit doesn't sit well with me but it's something that comes with the territory and if I'm going to show Bella that I can do this then I have no other choice but to accept it.

Anyway, I'm the one that's tasted her, not him.

With that said, it doesn't make the time she spends with him easier on me. I'm sure I'll get used to it as time goes on but I can't guarantee that shit because I can be pretty possessive. I've never had a girlfriend but even with my fuck buddies I wouldn't allow them to fuck other guys, because they were mine. I don't share.

Sharing is not always caring.

When it comes to girls, I don't share, plain and simple. So my possessive side came out to play last night when she came over to my place after spending the afternoon with Jacob. I had the urge to remind her who she belonged to. So as soon as I had her in the safety and privacy of my bedroom I made that known to her. I shoved her against the wall, all that gentle crap be damned, as I kissed the fuck out of her. She seemed to enjoy it so much that just pushed me further and before you know it, I was close to ripping her fucking clothes off and having my way with her.

But that shit can't happen.

I'm being patient about this.

Very fucking patient.

I haven't had a fuck in over two months. Two fucking months. I'm starting to feel like a virgin all over again. And that is quite the depressing thought so I'll fucking move on.

We spent the night hanging out and playing 21 questions. It's a great way to get to know someone. It's even more of a great way to get the answers to the questions that you have swimming around in your head about someone. The night was going well till I wanted me some weed. From the music coming from his bedroom I knew Emmett was home, he had the same old hip hop tunes blaring out from his speakers, so I didn't bother knocking. How the fuck was I supposed to know Rose was in there?

"What the fuck dude?" A topless Emmett snapped, as he rolled off of Rosalie on the bed. Rosalie sat up, her face flustered and her clothes all twisted. Oh yes, I just cock blocked my brother.

Good, he is getting himself enough pussy for the two of us.

"Don't mind me." I said as I came to take a step inside to go grab the bong because I knew where it was and I didn't need a fucking invitation to walk in but before I could move, Rose was in front of me, her hands on her hips.

"She's here and I know." She said glaring at me.

"And? I don't see where the fucking problem in that is." I said raising my eyebrows at her and trying real hard to keep my anger in check.

"You don't deserve her. You're a no good-" She began before I snapped at her.

"It's none of your fucking business so stay the fuck out of it." I snapped, gripping onto the door frame on both sides because I had the strongest fucking urge to shove her back and out of my fucking sight.

"Fuck you Edward, she can do whatever the hell she likes but I don't understand what she sees in you. You're nothing but an arrogant-"

"Rose shut it!" Emmett snapped at her as he pulled a shirt on and walked up to us. The door to my bedroom slammed shut making us all snap our heads to it. Bella must have heard it all.

I raked my hands through my hair, gripping the ends tightly before I turned my attention back to Rose. "I recommend you keep your fucking mouth shut before I make you… if you know what I fucking mean."

"Edward." Emmett warned me. I narrowed my eyes at him before turning on my heel and walking back to my room. I was fucking livid. I hated people interfering with my life and accusing me of shit. Bella was big enough to make her own decisions so she didn't need a mother bear making them for her. I walked into my bedroom, my body heaving with my rapid breaths. I was so close to fucking hitting something but I had to calm myself down, I couldn't lose it. And the funny thing is, now I needed the weed more than anything.

After letting out some of my anger in a little rant, I grabbed the Stoli. My mission was to drown my sorrows and in some good old vodka. But Bella had other ideas as she pried the bottle out of my hands and I let her without a fight because her close proximity had a wave of warmth overcome me. She forced me onto the bed, sitting herself in my lap and began kissing me. As soon as my lips touched hers, my anger began ebbing. My tongue found hers and I reveled in the sensations, her body's heat feeling just like heaven. My heart began its rapid beat, her scent intoxicating every single one of my senses. I forgot what the hell I was angry at in that moment as my body was overcome by her.

She pulled back eventually, her hands finding my hair as she began stroking it lightly. She knew that shit calmed me, it always did, without fail. After reassuring me like usual that she believed in me and that she wouldn't let anyone affect us I was starting to feel better. She was determined and that was enough to make me determined.

Rose came back to apologize and I found it quite funny how she thought it would be that easy. I knew Emmett put her up to it because she never did strike me as the apologizing type. We're very similar and that's why we clash, go figure.

Bella took her to Emmett's room for a chat while Emmett came over to mine. He looked half amused, half pissed.

"You didn't have to make her apologize because frankly I don't give a fuck what she has to say." I said to him, taking a seat at my desk chair.

"Yeah but she went over board man. I won't put up with that shit. So… you guys are like official now?" He asked, lying back on my bed, with his feet hanging off the edge.

"I guess you could say that."

"Fuck me dead bro!" He laughed. "Edward is officially tied down."

"I'm not tied nothing you jerk."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better." I shook my head at him. "So… she is a virgin right?" He asked.

"What the fuck is that question for?" I asked irritably. He sat himself up, shrugging his shoulders at me.

"I'm just trying to think of you holding yourself back because obviously she is going to make you wait."

"I'll wait. We'll eventually get there." I sighed. "Speaking of which, I cock blocked you." I grinned.

"Its ok, it would have been our third time today anyways." He grinned back at me, no doubt rubbing it in.

"Fucking douche." I muttered just as Bella and Rosalie walked back in.

They seemed to have made up and were all happy chappy again which is good for Bella because at the end of the day I didn't want her having problems with her friends because I could tell it deeply upset her and I'd never want to be the cause of that.

There have been moments where things Bella has said or done have fired a light bulb in my head about her past. One of those times happened last night while the four of us lounged in front of the TV and had some pizza. She was so adamant not to eat. I was merely just being polite, worried that she must have been hungry but she wouldn't eat. Then Rose butts in and tells me to back off. They exchange a weird glance but I just try to brush it off. It only confused me further about her but figured to myself it would be all in time till she was ready to come out and tell me what the fuck happened to her.

I was snapped out of my day dreaming as I approached Bella's house. Just when I was around the corner, I sent her a text message to let her know I'd be outside in a few minutes. As I pulled up outside her house, the front door opened and Bella stepped out, looking hot as fuck in some black skinny jeans and a red plaid button up top. She had her hair pulled back in a pony tail exposing the smooth and creamy length of her neck. She smiled over at me as she stepped down the porch steps and reached the car. I quickly stepped out thinking maybe I should be a fucking gentlemen or something and open her door for her. I stood by the passenger side door as she walked over to me, looking at the ground no doubt hiding her excited smile from me. She was so easy to read at times.

Once she reached me, she stood really close to me, looking up into my eyes from underneath her eyelashes as she chewed her bottom lip.

Fuck me dead ten times over.

Was she trying to kill me? She looked so innocent yet so seductive at the same time and yet she doesn't even fucking realize she is doing it.

"Hi." I said smiling down at her my voice coming out strained. I felt like attacking her mouth but knew it was risky considering her mum or Phil could be spying on us.

"Hey. Ready to go?" She asked. I nodded as I opened her door and moved aside for her to get in. I shut her door and circled the front of the car to my side and got in behind the wheel. I started the car and took off.

"You look fucking beautiful." I said, glancing at her. She blushed a shade of pink as she smiled.

"Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself."

"Thank you." I said smiling crookedly at her.

"So is a TV cabinet the only thing you're after today?" She asked looking out her window.

"That's what I have in mind. Hey, you haven't had breakfast, have you?" I asked.

"No, you told me not to."

"Good, I'm going to stop by somewhere and grab something for us."

I pulled up at the Forks diner, parking down the road away from the other cars. She was wearing some black tennis shoes so I was sure she would be ok with walking because I wasn't about to park my fucking car next to some beat up Ford and have the fucking owner hit my car with their door. I'm OCD about my car, I fucking know it.

We climbed out and I locked my car as I walked over to her, her hand slipping into mine as soon as I was beside her. I froze for a split second, having never held a girl's hand in public before but it didn't feel odd like I thought it would.

"Is this ok?" Bella asked holding up our joined hands, obviously noticing my slight hesitation.

"More than ok, Bella." I smiled hoping to relieve her of any worries she might have about me. "Its just like I've said before, I've never done this shit before." I explained running my free hand through my hair, "So it's kinda weird doing it. But good weird." I added quickly. She furrowed her brows and smiled at me, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Ok." She said again, noticing I was getting nervous. She tried to slip her hand out of mine but I held it tighter quickly.

"Hey." I said stopping us from walking and turning to her. She looked up at me, her face hinting a little disappointment. "I want to hold your hand, don't get me wrong, it just took me by surprise that's all. Please know that." I pleaded. She nodded a little seeming unconvinced. I sighed as I looked around, hoping she wouldn't mind what I was about to do before leaning down, cupping her face with one hand and meeting my lips with hers. She sighed as our lips made contact, her lips feeling so soft I had to swallow down a groan. My heart began its ragged stuttered rhythm as I nipped at her lips, moving them slowly and passionately, trying to show her just how much I fucking wanted her. I could feel myself hardening as my pants tightened, my need for her growing by the second, I've never wanted a girl so fucking badly like I wanted Bella. I pulled back till my lips were barely touching hers, "I want you, so fucking badly, please know that." I whispered against her lips before pressing them back to hers. She moved her lips with mine, obviously not caring who saw us before I eventually pulled back knowing I was close to slamming her against a fucking wall or something and rubbing myself all over her like a fucking dog.

_Let the teenage fucking hormones kick in._

I watched her flustered face as her eyes remained closed, her chest heaving with her shallow erratic breaths. I smiled as I watched her eyes open, a soft smile slowly forming on her lips, her eyes bright.

"Still doubting me?" I asked. Her smile grew as she shook her head, leaning up and placing a quick kiss on my stubble covered chin. "Good, now let's eat because I'm fucking starved." I said, linking our fingers together and making our way to the diner. "I've only eaten here once with Em, and it was for lunch so I don't really know what's good." I stated.

A waitress approached us at the door, eye fucking me with no shame as she grabbed us some menus and led us over to a table. She led us over to a table in between the fucking crowd of patrons.

"Do I look like someone who wants to fucking hear other people fucking chew their food?" I asked irritably.

"Sorry, right this way." She said trying hard to hide her surprise at my tone. Fuck her, I hated sitting among others while I ate. She led us away to a booth, away from the crowd near the back of the diner. I looked over at Bella and rolled my eyes. She smiled curtly at me.

"I'll give you a moment to choose your orders." The waitress smiled purely at me before walking off. Bella slid into the booth and I followed sitting beside her, not wanting her too far away from me. I draped an arm over her shoulder as I grabbed the menu with my free hand.

"What do you recommend?" I asked scanning over the menu.

"Anything is good. The French toast is especially nice. So are the crepes."

"How about the breakfast sub?" I asked wanting something that was going to fill me up.

"That's good too. Quite a big serving." She explained as she read her menu.

"Perfect, then I'll have that."

"I'll just have the French toast." She nodded as she placed her menu on the table.

The waitress walked back over to us, a few minutes later, once again eye fucking me as her eyes raked over my body.

Bella and I ordered our food with two chocolate milkshakes for our drinks while I tried not to snap at the fucking shameless waitress.

"Bella?" My head snapped up to meet Angela Webber's amused expression as her eyes flitted between Bella and me. Beside her stood Ben Cheney with the same amused expression.

"Angela, hi!" Bella said cheerfully, waving over at Angela and then Ben. "Hi Ben."

"Hey Edward." Ben nodded, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Hey." I said dryly not liking the way he was fucking staring at me. He was a good guy, I've spoken to him briefly before but obviously the fact that I was with Bella was not going down well with him.

"You guys grabbing some breakfast?" Bella asked, staying cuddled up into my side and surprising me a little. I assumed she would have wanted to distance herself in front of people but apparently not.

"No, we were just about to grab some coffee." Angela explained, her amused smile not faltering in the slightest. Angela cocked an eyebrow at Bella suggestively while from my peripheral I could see Bella shaking her head. Angela nodded and then her eyes met mine. Ok, silent girl talk… I have no idea what the fuck was just exchanged there.

"Well, we better get our coffee, it was nice seeing you _two_." Angela smirked, emphasizing the word two.

"Sure, see you Monday." Bella waved as they both turned and walked off.

"That was just fucking weird." I said, watching their departing forms.

"The word around school will be just _buzzing_ Monday morning." Bella sighed.

"Fuck em. Right?" I said looking at her. She nodded.

"Screw em." She agreed making me laugh.

"It's ok to say fuck Bella. You won't go to hell." She narrowed her eyes at me.

"I think you say it enough for the both of us." She said poking me in the side. I just laughed.

A few moments later, our milkshakes arrived followed by our breakfast. We dug into our food, I was so fucking starved I could have eaten a fucking horse. We kept up casual conversation as we ate. Once again I finished before her so I sent a text message to Jazz telling him to head over to my place tonight with Alice considering Carlisle wasn't going to be home. Apparently Rosalie had informed him already.

Once Bella had finished, I ordered a coffee for us both and asked for the bill. Bella tried to pay for her half but I wasn't having any of that shit.

"Put your fucking money away. I'm paying for this and I don't want to hear any shit about it." I said throwing my black Amex onto the tray with the bill. She nodded biting her bottom lip seeming uncomfortable about it but I'd never let a fucking girl pay.

The bill got paid as the waitress handed us our coffees and we walked out of the diner. I stood by my car just fucking dying for a cigarette. I placed my coffee cup on the hood of my Beemer as I lit a cigarette and leaned against the car. Bella stood beside me, sipping her coffee quietly.

"Your dad travels to Seattle often?" She asked, glancing up at me.

"Eh. This is his third time since we've moved here which was just over 2 months ago now. He is probably visiting our family but who knows. I've got my uncle, my dad's brother Caius who lives there. Don't know what the fuck their mother was on when she named her two boys Carlisle and Caius. But anyway there is his brother and my aunt on my mother's side Elizabeth and her family. Caius is still single and I think is going to remain that way. He is 39 and a fucking bachelor. Not one for relationships." I explained taking a long drag.

"So you'll be spending the holidays in Seattle I presume." She stated taking another sip from her coffee. I shrugged.

"Don't know. We haven't talked about it." I took one last drag before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it.

"Ready?" I asked grabbing my cup off the hood of the car. She nodded as she pushed herself off the car and walked around to her side.

I grabbed my coffee and climbed in, placing it in the cup holder. I glanced over at Bella and watched her drinking, suddenly worried she might spill it all over the upholstery.

"Ah… watch the coffee ok?" I asked trying not to sound like a dick. She glanced over at me and nodded before placing it the cup holder beside mine.

I started the car and sped off toward Port Angeles. We spent the rest of the trip talking casually about everything and anything. I told her a little more about my uncle Caius who was quite the rebel and how he has practically lived his life from woman to woman. He is a well respected lawyer who we had to enroll the help of to bail me out of jail for being caught driving under the influence of alcohol. It was a year ago and I was so fucked up but needed to get home. I was ok to drive, I was still aware of everything around me but obviously not fucking aware enough to avoid the main roads back home. I had learnt to take the back streets to avoid the coppers but no such luck that night. Carlisle was pissed at me, but that was nothing new so I didn't really give a shit. He had to pay a hefty sum and enroll the help of Caius so I was able to avoid any sort of sentence.

I found a parking spot as soon as I pulled into the shopping mall parking lot, satisfied that I didn't have to drive around like a fucking nut looking for one or arguing with someone over one. I can't count how many times that has happened. As soon as Bella was by my side I slipped my hand into hers, earning a wide grin from her.

We made our way into the mall hand in hand, taking our time and just walking around, scanning the shops as we went. We finally reached the electronics store where I bought the TV from and I went straight for the cabinets. I picked the first one I saw, black satin with enough space to stuff the few DVDs I have and my DVD player. I paid once again with my Amex, thanking the Doc for the luxury. Once that was done and paid for, I agreed to pick it up from the loading dock once we were done with our shopping.

I draped an arm around Bella's shoulders pulling her into my side, "This place has some great shit." I mentioned as I stopped us outside the store. It sold all kinds of accessories from belts, jewelry, wallets, caps… everything.

"K, lets go inside." She said, her eyes scanning the store as she began to head inside. I followed her in, my eyes raking over the counter tops as I walked through the store trying to see if anything caught my eye.

"Oh, look at that bracelet. It's so cute." She said standing over a glass counter top, her palms flat against the glass as she leaned over it to get a closer look. It was two thin adjustable leather straps, with a peace charm and black eye attached to it. It was simple and cute. Not over the top, just like Bella.

I called over the sales guy and had him take it out for us so Bella could try it on.

"Oh, I don't want to buy it, I was just looking." She said shaking her head at me.

"You don't have to buy it, just try it on." I said taking it from the sales guy, whose name tag said Rick, and tying it around Bella's small wrist. "It looks good." I said, admiring the bracelet on her tiny wrist.

"It does." She agreed, fiddling with it. I waited till I caught Rick's attention and nodded at him and then the bracelet. He smiled as Bella took the bracelet off and placed it back on the counter. She was oblivious to the little exchange. Rick took the bracelet to pack it up for me as Bella and I continued to walk around the store, looking at all the other cool stuff. I found a black leather studded belt that I liked which I bought for myself. After asking Bella what else she liked so I could secretly buy it for her, nothing else seemed to catch her attention. I paid for our purchases, grabbed the bag and walked out of the store.

We walked around a little more, entering pretty much every store in the mall. It wasn't about the shopping for me, it was all about Bella. I was learning more and more about her as I began to learn the types of things she liked. She wasn't a girly girl but enough to make her feminine. She was more into her converse chucks, jeans and t-shirts. She explained the only time she dressed girly, like in heels and skirts was when Alice made her because there was no fighting her. Just the fucking image of her in a skirt had my dick twitching. I couldn't fucking wait till I could touch her, she was too fucking sexy.

I held her hand throughout the shopping trip, finding that I became quite comfortable about it. Whenever I used to see couples holding hands it used to annoy the hell out of me. But I can't complain now, because I've become one of those people.

Three hours later we headed back to my car, where I drove to the electronics store's pick up dock. After loading the large box into the back of my car, we headed back to my place. I pulled into my driveway, glad to see Emmett wasn't home. I grabbed the bag with our purchases and headed inside, leaving the cabinet in the car because it was big and heavy as a motherfucker and I wouldn't be able to carry the big ass thing inside on my own. Bella and I made a bee line for the couch, sinking ourselves into it. She placed the bag beside her as she rested her head onto my shoulder, my head on the back of the couch. We both sat like that, neither one of us saying anything. We both were just tired and happy to sit side by side in silence. I thought she fell asleep at one point, noticing she hadn't moved, so I lifted my head up to look at her and found she was awake. She looked up at me and smiled.

"I thought you fell asleep." She said quietly.

"I thought the same with you." I chuckled. I kissed the top of her head, the bag beside Bella catching my attention. "Could you pass that over for me?" I asked. She pushed herself off of me and grabbed the bag, placing it in my lap. I shoved my hand in, pulling out my belt and chucking it beside me before I shoved my hand back in and pulled out the box that held her bracelet.

"What's that?" She asked, her brows furrowing. I opened the box and pulled the bracelet out, her eyes widening as she sat up straight.

"Edward!" She scolded, glaring at me.

"What? You said you fucking liked it, so I got for you. Here, give me your wrist." I said.

"I could have bought it myself if I wanted it. I don't… I don't like you buying things for me." She said holding her wrist out as I put it on.

"It's nothing. Just fucking enjoy it. I wouldn't have bought it if I didn't want to." I said, admiring the bracelet on her. Her skin was so creamy white that anything I'd imagine she'd wear would look beautiful on her.

"Well, thank you." She said twisting it around her wrist before she smiled up at me. I leaned down and kissed her softly.

"Let's go upstairs. I want to lie down, I'm fucking tired." I said standing up. She stood up after me and followed me to my bedroom. I shut the door and locked it behind us.

"Would you like to join me for a nap?" I asked with my crooked grin intact, hoping she would agree. She nodded, smiling softly as she stepped out of her sneakers. I pulled my hoodie off and then my t-shirt, leaving me topless. I swear I heard a light gasp come from Bella but I couldn't be sure. I looked over at her and she was blushing lightly, her eyes once again raking over my body. I chuckled as I walked over to her, snaking my arms around her waist and pulling her against me. Fuck if only she was topless and I could feel her skin against mine, that would be absolute heaven. I leaned down and kissed her lips, her hands trailing up my forearms and fisting them into my hair like she always did. She kissed me back, standing up on her toes to reach me better. I let my hands find her ass, and fuck have I dreamed about that tight ass and how I'd always wanted to squeeze it, so I did. I cupped each mound tightly and pushed her against my erection, both of us moaning out loud. Her tongue came out, brushing along my lip asking me to open up for her. I darted my tongue out, meeting hers, massaging against it as her grip in my hair tightened. I pulled away from her mouth, my mouth finding her neck, my tongue darting out and licking the beautiful expanse of her creamy white neck. Her head fell back, her grip tightening on my hair, surprising me as she pushed my head harder against her neck. Light moans escaping her perfect lips that went straight to my dick, causing it to fucking twitch like it was having a fucking seizure. I pulled away quickly, knowing I was one more moan away from fucking attacking her.

"I need to fucking stop, Bella." I said breathlessly, my raging hard on fucking screeching for some sort of attention.

She brought her head forward, leaning it against my bare chest, her warm shallow breaths ghosting across my bare torso. She nodded against me before looking up into my eyes, her face flustered as she smiled sheepishly. I chuckled at her before leading her over to my bed. I knew sleeping in my jeans wouldn't be too comfortable but sleeping in just my boxers, pitching a fucking massive tent wouldn't be a great idea. She pulled away from me, walking over to my bed and laying down on it. I rubbed my hands over my face and then through my hair trying to will my hard on away before I laid down next to her but I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

"I need a fucking breather, do you mind?" I asked. She shook her head as she snuggled up to my pillow, the sight forcing a smile on my face. I shook my head before I headed out of the room to take a much needed drag.

Once I finished my cigarette, I grabbed two cokes for us and headed back up the stairs and to my room. I was greeted with Bella still on my bed, curled up into a ball as she hugged my pillow against her chest like she always seems to do. I smiled to myself, before placing the cokes on my desk and crawling into bed from behind her, spooning her against my chest, my arm draping over her waist to rest against her flat stomach. I buried my face into her hair, and inhaling her scent that always sent that familiar calm to wash over me. Her hand found mine that was resting against her stomach, her fingers stroking lighting over my knuckles. The gesture was simple and innocent but so soft and relaxing. It made me pull her even closer to me, the need for her growing and scaring the fuck out of me. I fell into a dreamless and peaceful sleep soon after.

I woke up a while later, the time on my watch telling me we'd been asleep for over 2 hours. I lifted my hand away from her, her hand slipping out of mine and onto the mattress in front of her stomach. She seemed to be in a deep sleep. I scrubbed the heels of my palms into my eyes, trying to wake myself up some. I sat up, my feet flat on the mattress and rested my arms on my knees. I looked over at Bella, how peaceful she looked sleeping, as if there wasn't a worry in the world. And it fucking shitted me to know that was not the case with her. I knew there was something that bothered her, something that she experienced or went through, something that involved her mind, a battle within her mind. I was going to find out eventually, I just wished it would be soon.

"Edward." She mumbled. I turned to her.

"Yeah?" I asked. She didn't move, my brows furrowing. "Yeah Bella?" I asked again. I peaked over at her to see her eyes were still closed.

"Edward…" She breathed again. It hit me then that she was dreaming about me. I wasn't sure whether to freak out or enjoy it. I knew she liked me, there was no fucking doubt in that but just how much I wasn't sure. I could tell from the look in her eyes and her patience with me and her willingness to stay with me after I've snapped at her numerous times and even fucking physically hurt her that her feelings for me must be fucking strong. They would have to be some strong fucking feelings if she was determined to stick with me through all that.

She began to stir beside me, her eyes fluttering open as she took in her surroundings. She slowly turned onto her back, her sleepy eyes finding mine as a lazily smile graced her lips.

"Hey." She croaked out.

"Hi." I said smiling at her, loving the fact she was dreaming about me.

"How long have you been watching me?" She asked, rubbing her hands over her face.

"Long enough." I said with a smirk.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, her expression telling me she most likely knew what I was talking about.

"Do you know you talk in your sleep?" I asked, noticing how her eyes widened and her face flushed a deep shade of red. Her hands flew to cover her face as I bit back a chuckle at her reaction.

"What did I say?" She groaned, her question muffled from her hands.

"Nothing incriminating. Just… my name." I said. She groaned again as she rolled away from me, grabbing my pillow and burying her face into it.

"Is that all?" She asked, her question barely audible against the pillow.

"Was there more?" I asked, losing the battle and laughing. She shook her head quickly, her face remaining buried in the pillow.

"Then why are you embarrassed? You were dreaming about me… its fucking nice that I occupy your mind in your sleep." I laughed, pushing back the stray hairs that draped over her face. She groaned again before lifting her head and turning to me, looking embarrassed. She sat herself up, my arm draping over her shoulder and pulling her against me again.

"Don't be fucking embarrassed, it's cute." I chuckled.

A while later I wanted to take a quick shower letting Bella entertain herself in my bedroom however she liked. Emmett still wasn't home when I went to the bathroom to shower, he probably wouldn't be home to till later tonight. Once I was finished, I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked back to my bedroom, still pissed as fuck for not having a bathroom in my bedroom like Emmett and Carlisle did. I had one back in Seattle but this shit house only had it for two bedrooms. I could always try and convince Carlisle to knock down the adjoining wall separating my bedroom from the bathroom but I doubt he'd agree to it.

I walked into the bedroom, seeing Bella with ear phones plugged in and listening to her iPod as she swayed from side to side, looking through my book collection. I smiled to myself, her hips moving seductively as she moved causing my dick to spring to life. I grabbed some boxers, dropping the towel and stepping into them quickly, noticing she was too lost in her world to notice my presence. I grabbed a pair of dark jeans and slipped them on and then a black wife beater, pulling that on too.

I walked over to my bed and sat down, leaning back on my palms and watched Bella as she moved her hips, completely unaware that I was watching her… eye fucking her but she doesn't have to know that right?

She turned till she was facing me, still completely oblivious to me, as her eyes were closed, her bottom lip victim between her teeth, making her look so fucking sexy I swear my dick whimpered. She continued to sway from side to side, completely taken by whatever tune she was listening to. I smirked as I watched her, my hands fisting into the sheets of my bed as I fought the urge to jump her. My breathing became shallow as my dick continued to protests its confinements. Her eyes opened slowly, her face taking a few seconds to register my presence, before her eyes widened in shock, her movements halting and her face blushing the deepest shade of red. I smirked as I watched her facial expressions change from shock to horror to embarrassment. She contained herself enough to pull her ear plugs out of her ears as she smiled sheepishly.

"Don't stop, that was fucking sexy as hell." I said my voice coming out low and husky. She shook her head quickly, pulling her iPod over her head and throwing it onto the bed.

"For the second time today I'll ask you, how long have you been watching me?" She asked, gnawing on her bottom lip nervously.

"For the second time today I'll answer… long enough." I smirked. She buried her face into her hands as she chuckled uncomfortably. I grabbed her by the wrist, fucking trying to be gentle and pulled her to stand between my legs. "Look at me." I demanded softly. She took a deep breath before dropping her hands from her face. I smiled at her, pulling her to sit down in my lap. I closed the distance between us, pressing my lips to hers and reveling in her intoxicating taste.

We went downstairs soon after, where Bella offered to make a light snack for the both of us since we hadn't eaten since breakfast. It was almost 6 and Jazz and the rest of them were going to be here around 7:30. Just as I was rinsing the plates from the sandwiches Bella made for us, Emmett and Rosalie walked through the door.

"Oh hey guys." Emmett greeted as he headed over to the kitchen.

"Hey." I mumbled, placing the last cup into the dishwasher. I turned around and glanced over at the Amazon but she ignored me. Figured as much.

"Hi." Bella said smiling over at Emmett before she made her way over to Rosalie, hugging her tight. The two of them walked off into the lounge leaving Emmett and I alone in the kitchen.

"Where were you?" I asked him, flopping myself onto a stool.

"Just out and about. Spent a bit of time at her place with Jazz but then he left to meet up with Alice which left us alone with nothing to do but entertain ourselves." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me.

"Great, so you're getting a shit load of sex. I understand. No need to rub it in... " I said dryly trying not to sound whiny. "So what else did you do besides fuck each other's brains out?" I asked rubbing my hands over my face.

"That was about it. We went out and grabbed some lunch not long ago and then came here."

"Ok, well I have that cabinet in my car, come help me get it upstairs." I said hitting him on the arm as I walked to the front door.

An hour later, we had the cabinet in my room and assembled while the girls stayed downstairs hanging out in front of the TV. I was just placing my DVD player onto it when there was a knock on the door. I nodded toward the door in indication for Emmett to answer it. It was Jasper.

"Hey, fuckers." He said walking in.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, grabbing the few DVDs I had and shoving them into the bottom drawer of the cabinet. I couldn't be bothered to sort them out properly.

"Nothing much, just got here. The girls are downstairs."

"Alright." I said standing up. "This fucker is set. Want a smoke?" I asked looking at them both. They both nodded as Emmett headed to his room to grab the bong while I pulled out my stash from the speakers. "I'm almost out of weed. Where the fuck could I get some?" I asked, turning to Jasper with the baggie in my hand. His eyes were fixated behind me, presumably on the baggie of coke in my speakers.

"You're not on that shit are you?" Jazz asked, his shocked eyes meeting mine but his voice surprisingly calm and reserved.

"Only when I'm fucking desperate for a high. Have you ever tried it?" I asked trying hard to keep the irritation out of my voice. I hated being fucking questioned over it.

"No." He said shaking his head as Emmett came back into the room.

"It's not that bad." Emmett defended handing me the bong so I could pack the cone piece.

"You've tried it too?" Jasper asked.

"Once. If Carlisle catches you with-" Emmett began before I cut him off.

"Can we fucking lay off this fucked up topic?" I snapped. "Yes, he'd fuck me up but he won't find out. Just fucking drop it." Emmett raised his hands in defense as Jasper nodded in silence. I took two fucking hits, grateful for the burn it gave me sitting in my lungs before I blew it out. I handed it over to Emmett, walking over to my desk drawer and pulling out the Vodka so I could take a long swig of that too.

Emmett handed over the bong to Jasper once he was finished with it before snatching the Stoli out of my hands and taking a swig himself. I shook my head at him as I put the weed back and screwed up the speakers. I was careful not to leave any traces behind before leaving them both in my room and heading downstairs needing Bella to help calm me because she always did.

I walked into the lounge to find Rosalie and Alice sitting together on one of the couches as they chatted quietly to each other. My eyes scanned the room for Bella, finally landing on her standing outside on the patio talking on her phone.

"Jacob." Rosalie said with a smirk. My eyes darted to hers knowing very well she was trying to fuck with me so I bit back the comeback that I knew was fighting to slip and turned my gaze to Alice.

"Hey." I mumbled.

"Hi." She smiled warmly at me. I've never really spoken to her but she always seemed a little warmer to me than the bitch sitting next to her. I sighed in irritation, hating the fact that Bella was talking to Jacob but knowing very well I couldn't do shit about it.

Emmett and Jasper appeared a minute later, the both of them finding their girls and cuddling up to them. I ran my hands over my face feeling frustrated that Bella was outside chatting to Jacob while everyone else was in here. I had no right to be and I knew it but it didn't stop my temper from flaring. I felt like storming outside, snatching the phone from her and telling Jake to go fuck off.

"You ok bro?" Emmett's voice snapped me out my daze as my eyes flickered to his. I nodded my head and made my way to Carlisle's office, hoping I'd find exactly what I was after.

I opened the door and fumbled for the light switch against the wall, finding it and switching it on as the room lit up in a bright glow. I shut the door behind me and scanned his office. I hadn't set foot in here in weeks and I could see he had settled himself in pretty well. He had a huge wooden desk in the middle of the room, behind it a black leather office chair. The walls were a chocolate brown, one entire wall engulfed in shelves with an endless supply of medical journals. Everything was so neat and proper in his office. Carlisle was very pedantic about his shit and he has been like that for as long as I can remember.

I walked over to the shelved wall. To the far right was a cupboard that held his alcohol. I knew he kept all his good shit in here and that's exactly what I was after at the moment. I opened up the cupboard and smirked to myself when I spotted the bottle of Jack Daniels. I snagged it and made my way back to the lounge. When I got back Bella was still on the phone, it seemed like she was laughing about something. I filled an ice bucket with ice and grabbed some glasses from the kitchen before balancing them carefully to the lounge where I placed them on the coffee table with the JD.

"JD! What's the occasion?" Jasper exclaimed, his eyes fixated on the bottle.

"No fucking occasion. I just thought we could have some fun." I shrugged filling each glass with ice and then pouring a little JD into each one.

Jasper snagged one quickly as did Emmett, the both of them taking a timid sip before downing the rest of it. Emmett grunted as the smooth liquid burned down his throat. Jasper shuddered, slamming his cup back down on the coffee table. I filled mine up half way and downed the whole thing in one go, grunting as it went down, welcoming the warmth as it slid down my throat. Bella stepped in then, her phone clutched in her hands as she smiled at everyone. I turned away, pretty fucking pissed at her as I poured some more for Jasper.

"Don't we get some?" Rose asked cocking an eyebrow at me.

"Have whatever the fuck you want." I said handing the bottle to her. "Just do it yourself." I smirked. She glared at me as she got up and poured herself a glass.

"You ok?" Bella asked, appearing beside me and placing her hand softly on my arm.

"Nice of you to join us… finally."

"Sorry about that. It was just Jake."

"Yeah I know." I said dryly turning to face her. Her eyes were searching mine, probably wondering why I was being so short with her.

"You're angry." She stated looking upset. She grabbed my hand and pulled me away to the kitchen. Once there, she wrapped her arms around my neck, leaning up to kiss my jaw. "Talk to me." She pleaded. I sighed as I saw the hurt in her eyes. I once again was making her feel like shit. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Nothing." I said pressing my lips to hers. "I'm just a dick." I mumbled, burying my face into the crook of her neck.

"He called me and I couldn't very well ignore him. I mean it's bad enough I haven't been spending much time with him, you know?" I nodded not giving a fuck about the reasons but knowing I had no other choice but to accept them. "I'm going to spend the day with him tomorrow." She mentioned hesitantly, pulling back to watch my expression.

"Do whatever the fuck you want." I stated, running a hand through my hair. Her grip around my neck tightened as she pulled me down for a kiss.

"You don't want me to go?" She asked against my lips before she kissed me again, her lips moving against mine.

"I don't want you to go." I breathed, as I brushed my tongue along her bottom lip. She pulled back to look up at me.

"I'll see you in the evening."

"Ok."

"And I'll tell him about us." She said.

"Could you do me a favor?" I asked trying to keep my face serious. She nodded. "Could you take a fucking snap shot of his face for me when you tell him?" I smirked. She scowled at me.

"Edward!" She scolded, slapping me against the arm. I laughed out loud, just imagining the look on his face and how fucking priceless it would be.

"He is my best friend, remember that." She said shaking her head at me before pulling out of my arms and heading for the lounge to join everyone. I followed her into the lounge, sitting beside her on the couch and pulling her to my side. My eyes caught Alice as she gave me a knowing look. I smiled a little at her before turning my attention to the TV.

"What the fuck?" Jasper said suddenly, catching everyone's attention. He was staring at me and Bella. "When did this happen?" He asked pointing between the two of us.

"A week ago." Alice answered. Jasper's shocked expression turned to Alice.

"You knew?" He asked.

"Bella told me just before when we got here." She shrugged. Jasper 'hmm-ed' and smiled at the both us before returning his attention back to the TV.

A while later Emmett ordered us some pizza which arrived half an hour later. We all dug in, demolishing the pizzas within a minute. Em, Jazz and I had a few more shots of JD, hitting us pretty strongly as we started laughing at pretty much everything. Bella and Alice didn't have any but Rosalie had just the one shot. Once we finished eating Emmett jumped up to the sound system, plugging in his iPod and turning on some music. Whenever the guy got alcohol in him, he became very musical… musical as in, he loves to sing and dance. He's not that great at music, in playing and singing I mean. I got that from my mother's side but Emmett is a great dancer, something I don't think I would ever be. Before we knew it, he had 'Kevin Rudolf with Lil Jon's Let it Rock' blaring out of the speakers. Jasper jumped up as they both started singing along. Bella giggled beside me as we all sat and watched them lose their minds.

Jasper started pretending he was playing an air guitar as Emmett just danced as if he was at some sort of rave.

_I see your dirty face, _

_Hide behind your collar,_

_What is done is vain_

_Truth is hard to swallow_

_So you pray to God_

_Justify the way you live a lie_

_Live a lie_

_Live a lie_

_And you take your time_

_And you do your crime_

_Well you made your bed_

_I'm in mine_

As soon as the chorus hit, they both started jumping up and down, shaking their heads. I was just waiting for the moment that alcohol was going to come back up, the fuck wits.

_Because when I arrive_

_I, I bring the fire_

_Make you come alive_

_I can take you higher_

_What is this, forgot?_

_I must now remind you_

_Let it rock_

_Let it rock_

_Let it rock_

Alice was dancing in her spot on the couch, singing along as she swayed from side to side. Rosalie was shaking her head but looked amused as she watched her boyfriend and Bella and I just sat back and enjoyed the show.

"Get the fuck up and join us." Emmett called to me over the music. I shook my head as I grabbed my pack of cigarettes from beside me, pulling one out and held it between my lips, and lit it up as I smirked at him. I took a long ass drag and blew the smoke out slowly, watching Emmett as I slouched back into the couch, showing him I was comfortable just where I was.

They continued to dance like a bunch of dim wits till the rap by Lil Jon came on and they both started humping the air, and doing fucking sex moves.

_I'm in here up like bitch what's up  
Mechanic, me, I can fix you up  
I can dick you up  
I can dick you down  
Shorty we can go wherever just pick a town  
And the jewelry is louder than an engine sound  
Big ass rocks like off the ground  
Dirty like socks that's on the ground  
Weezy_

Jasper dropped to the floor as he laughed so hard but nothing could stop Emmett as he continued air guitar-ing it like a fucking rock star. The song came to an end but only for 'Drop it like it's hot by Snoop Dog' to start. What surprised me was when Alice started singing along, fucking rapping the song along with Jasper like it was a competition. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Alice loves this song. She knows every single word." Bella said to me, her eyes watching Alice with enjoyment.

The rest of the evening was spent just like that, music blaring from the speakers as they all danced and sang along with each other. Bella informed me she was not a dancer at all and that she always embarrasses herself when she does. Paul's party immediately came to mind when she said that, as I remembered her dancing quite provocatively with Jake. I called her out but she defended herself saying Jake forced her into it.

"So does that mean that I could one day force you into it too? I mean on not big on fucking dancing but I don't mind it from time to time if the atmosphere is pumping." I explained.

"I don't know, I'd just step all over your feet." She said tucking her feet beneath her on the couch and turning to me.

"I don't care. Promise me you'll dance with me one day." I asked in a low seductive voice leaning in and brushing my lips lightly along the curve of her neck. She moaned lightly, her head falling back encouraging me to keep going. "You still haven't answered me." I whispered against her neck, letting my tongue dart out to lick a trail to the top of her ear. My name escaped her lips, causing my now raging dick to scream in protest. It was torture really, constantly getting myself worked up like this, numerous times in a day with no fucking release. I was going to have to take care of that problem tonight. I hadn't realized that I was practically hovering over her now till she placed her hands on my chest and pushed me away. My head fell forward in defeat as I glanced up at her flustered face. She was chewing her bottom lip in embarrassment as she glanced sideways to see if anyone noticed. And of course they had.

"This going to take a lot of getting used to." Rosalie groaned looking in our direction.

"Well then maybe I'll keep doing it so you can get used to it faster." I said leaning down and biting down on Bella's neck, eliciting a tiny yelp from Bella. I chuckled as I pulled back and watched Bella grab a cushion from beside her and bury her face into it.

"Dick." Rosalie muttered.

"Bitch." I bit back. She glared at me before Emmett caught her attention and pulled her off the couch and took her outside, ah yes… Emmett the horny drunk. The guy was starting to sway from his intoxication.

Alice came and sat herself on the other side of Bella, trying to pry the cushion from Bella's clutches with no such luck.

"You two are cute together." Alice stated in a matter of fact manner. I cocked an eyebrow at her, completely taken off guard by her comment.

"Ok." I said hesitantly not knowing what else to say to that. Bella's head popped up from its hiding spot as she smiled at Alice. Alice smiled back at her before pulling her into a hug. Jasper came and sat on my other side looking beat.

"Feeling sick?" I asked trying not to laugh at his expression.

"No. Just sleepy. JD gets me sleepy." He said as his eyes started to drift closed.

The rest of the night was spent just like that. Emmett and Rosalie stayed outside doing who knows the fuck what. Jasper fell asleep while Alice, Bella and I stayed on the couch and talked. Alice told me a little about herself. Apparently she was adopted when she was just a baby meaning she has no idea who her real parents are, which is fucked up if you ask me. She lives with her adoptive mother as her adoptive father died almost 7 years ago. She seemed fine about it all stating you have to make the most of what you've got. I wish it was that simple.

Alice had to drive Jasper and Rosalie home since Jasper was wiped out and Rose had a little to drink, Bella joined them as I had picked her up but I had drank a little too much as well. I kissed her goodbye at the door pissed that I couldn't have her alone but I guess I was going to see her the next day or at least try to.

I spent the first half of my shit faced Sunday doing fuck all. I woke up around noon having not gone to sleep till past 2am since I had to fucking wack off twice after being subjected to multiple self induced cock blocks through out the day.

_Bring on the fucking Carpel Tunnel._

At about 3 in the afternoon, I went by Jasper's place to hang out. His house was just as big as mine. Three stories, wrap around balcony on the second floor and furnished with the finest and latest furniture. We hung out in his bedroom, thankful Rosalie wasn't home. Apparently she was with Bella at Jake's place. We watched a couple of movies before we drove out to Port Angeles for some dinner. I started getting fucking mocked by Jazz when Bella sent me a text message. That was all I needed before we started playing fucking ping pong, texting back and forth through out the day and it annoyed the shit out of Jasper which I retorted with a "Go fuck yourself." Very mature on my part, I know.

I couldn't have been happier when Monday morning rolled around. Fuck school, I was just eager to see Bella. I pulled into my usual parking spot, my eyes scanning the area for Bella or her truck. I spotted her truck in its usual spot and then not a moment later Bella stepped out. I locked up my car as I made my way to her, just fucking impatient to touch her and fucking glad that now I could since we weren't hiding any more.

I sneaked up behind her as she was bending down into her car to grab her bag from the passenger seat, snaking my arms around her waist and bringing myself to press against her. It was then I realized how the position may look as her backside pressed into my crotch. I took a step back as she jumped and spun around, her expression turning to relief when she saw it was me.

"You thought it was someone else?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Nope, I could smell you."

"You could smell me?" I asked. She nodded.

"You have a distinct smell. It's you with a mixture of cologne." She said as she started to gnaw on that bottom lip. I nodded as I took a step toward her, pressing her against the side of the truck.

"Could I kiss you or you'd prefer not to?" I asked, cupping her face with one hand and grazing her cheek with my thumb as I gazed into her big brown eyes.

"I don't mind." She said swallowing thickly as she licked her bottom lip. I smirked, loving the affect I had over her as I leaned down and kissed her softly. Her hands clutched onto my forearms as I moved my lips against hers, wishing so much we were back in the privacy of my bedroom. I eventually pulled back, resting my forehead against hers, watching her chest rise and fall with her rapid breaths. I took a step back and ran a hand through my hair, feeling my cock fucking make itself known. I looked around the parking lot, to see if anyone was watching us and of course there she was, the queen bitch herself, Lauren. She was scowling at me. I smirked at her as I lifted my hand pretending I was about to wave before flipping her off. Her eyes narrowed at me before she stomped off. I chuckled to myself as I turned my attention back to Bella who was grabbing her phone and shoving it into her bag, seeming oblivious to what just happened.

"I'll walk you to class?" I asked.

"Sure." She said slamming her door shut and turning to me so we could head off.

I walked her to History, where I noticed from the door that Jake was already there waiting for her. He looked up when Bella walked in and then his jaw clenched tight and his nostrils flared as soon as he spotted me. I smirked at him, trying not to laugh in his face as I headed off to my first class.

The day went by like usual. I was finding that I was actually starting to catch up ok in each class. I was beginning to understand the work being given since back in Seattle I had fallen behind quite a bit. By fourth period when I had gym, I was itching to see Bella which was getting on my fucking nerves since I couldn't stop thinking about her. Was it this normal to become so fucking glued to someone?

I was fucking thankful when lunch came around. I waited impatiently for Jasper to get his shit changed after gym so we could head to lunch. We ended up separating while he went to his locker and I went to mine. When I arrived at my locker, my eyes caught sight of Mike and Kate talking animatedly close by. I looked away from Kate, not in the mood to deal with her advances as I opened my locker and shoved my shit inside. Jasper appeared beside me then.

"Ready?" He asked, leaning against the locker beside mine.

"Almost."

"So she just ran out?" I heard Kate asking as she tried not to laugh. I noticed Jasper's attention switch to the conversation between Mike and Kate as did mine.

"Yeah, I mean Lauren said some pretty nasty things to her." Mike said looking a little solemn.

"What did she say?" Kate asked with a smirk obviously finding whatever it was amusing.

"Well, her and Cullen seem to be dating now." My head snapped in Mike's direction at the mention of my name. My heart began pounding at the realization that they were most likely talking about Bella. "Lauren just walked up to her at the end of class and started talking to her, not sure what about because I couldn't hear from where I sat but I could clearly see Bella's discomfort so I walked up to her hoping to save her from Lauren, because she can be real nasty…"

I slammed my locker door shut not wanting to hear any more as I stomped my way over to Mike, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and slamming him up against the lockers causing him to yelp in surprise as Kate jumped back out of my way.

"Where the fuck is Bella?" I seethed. His eyes widened in shock as he stumbled to answer me.

"I-I don't know. She ran out of the class room." His eyes held blatant fear as he stared back at me. I could hear the shuffling of gathering students around us but I couldn't give a fuck about any of them at the moment.

"So she just left?" I asked, tightening my grip around his shirt and pushing him against the lockers even harder. He nodded.

"What the fuck did Lauren say to her?" I asked through clenched teeth, my vision becoming cloudy from my anger, as I felt my blood boiling, my hands starting to shake.

"Sh-she said to her that you once commented how Bella could never compare to Lauren in the looks department." He said, his voice shaking slightly. My brows furrowed in confusion but my anger flared. That comment didn't seem as bad as I thought it would be to get such a reaction out of Bella. My jaw was clenched tight as I thought about those words.

"Is that it?" I asked Mike.

"That's all I heard." He answered quickly. I shoved him into the locker before letting go of him and running both my hands through my hair. I turned around to see the crowd of students gathered around me, watching the scene play out. Jasper came up to me, looking worried.

"Why-why would that…" I drifted off. Still thinking about what Lauren said.

"Edward…" Jasper pulled me aside away from the gawking as his eyes studied me closely.

"I need to find her." I said, my hands raking through my hair again as I turned around to walk away but Jasper grabbed onto my arm and stopped me.

"Wait, you need to know something before you find her… fuck, I wanted her to tell you but I'd rather you know what you're getting yourself into when you go looking for her."

"Just fucking spit it out Jasper before it's your ass fucking shoved against the lockers." I snapped.

"Remember how I once said Bella battled something in her past?" He asked. I nodded as I tried to keep my anger in check. "It was… anorexia, Edward." My heart stuttered as the words escaped his lips. My head fell back as I realized how a comment like that could elicit such a strong reaction from her and why possibly Bella would believe it.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I chanted. I started shaking again as I turned and smashed my fist into a locker, causing a pretty decent dent in it in the shape of my fist.

"Fuck." I said again. Without another word or glance in Jasper's direction I stormed off in search of Bella. I needed to find her soon before she did anything stupid.

I pushed my way past the crowd of students not really knowing where the fuck I was headed or where I could even find her. As I walked blindly down the halls I tried to put myself in her shoes and where the fuck she would escape to after running out like that and what would be racing through her head right now. I decided my best bet would be the parking lot first of all to see if she was even still in school, because I could just picture her wanting to escape the humiliation and gossip. I aggressively pushed the doors open that led out to the parking lot, my hands in fists as I tried not to attack something. My eyes frantically scanned the parking lot noticing the spot where she had parked her truck this morning was empty. My heart was thrashing against my chest in anger over the fucked up situation and in worry over what Bella was going through now.

Without a second thought and fucking the consequences I practically ran to my car and jumped in, turning the ignition and pulling out of the car space with a loud screech before slamming my foot down on the gas and taking off. I started drumming my hands on the steering wheel having no idea where the fuck she could be. Where would she go? She would most likely be at home, so I made a sharp u-turn earning a few honks of disapproval from the surrounding traffic before taking off as fast as I could towards Bella's house.

"Fuck." I snapped slamming my hand on the steering wheel as I thought about the situation.

Anorexia

Fucking anorexia.

How did I miss it?

There were so many fucking clues right in front of my face and I was completely blind not to put them together. The 'thoughts' she once mentioned that she didn't like talking about in case they came back, the slow eating, the low self esteem. The way Rosalie snapped at me the other night for trying to force her to eat.

I'm a fucking dick for not seeing it sooner. I could have helped her.

I pulled up to the curb outside of her house noticing her truck was no where to be seen. My heart continued its thrashing as I realized I had no idea where I could find her. Where the fuck could she be?

I grabbed a cigarette and lit it up not caring that I was in the car because nothing fucking concerned me now then the need to find Bella. I grabbed my phone and dialed her number, hoping she would pick up but no such luck. I tried again another 3 times but it would just ring out.

I had no idea about anorexia. No more than the usual fact of starvation. What could have Lauren's comment triggered in her? What could she be possibly doing now? She believed that I had said Lauren is more attractive than her, of course she will, it's all apart of it I guess. Taking the criticism and adding it to your already plummeting self esteem. I dropped my head onto the steering wheel as I blew out my smoke, the hum of the car as it idled outside her house just reminding me that I'm still here and Bella is not.

My head snapped up as it hit me.

The fucking meadow.

I let go of the brake before slamming my foot back onto the gas knowing for sure that's where she would be. She had told me that's where she used to go to escape everyone and everything, the place where she'd go to isolate herself and think clearly.

I spent the whole drive to the meadow smoking back to back cigarettes. I was scared of what I would find. She had mentioned that she was over it, she was recovered but afraid that talking about it would bring it back. Would Lauren's comment bring it all crashing back down? I had no idea what I was dealing with here but I just hoped that she was ok and that I could help her.

I reached the little clearing, relief overtaking a small part of me as I caught sight of her truck. I pulled up my Beemer beside it, quickly putting the car in park and jumping out. I locked the car as I began my hike to the meadow, hoping for fuck's sake I would remember the way.

It took me half an hour of trudging my way through the shrubs and bush till I could just make out the open meadow through the branches in front of me. Without hesitation, I pushed a branch out of my way slowly, the sight before me pulling at my heart strings. There sat Bella, hugging her knees to her chest, her face buried into her knees with her back against a tree. It was clear she hadn't heard me as she stayed frozen in place, the faint sound of her sniffling making my heart clench tightly within my chest. I wasn't sure what to do or say. I had never fucking dealt with a crying girl before nor have I ever held the desire to. It wasn't me. I just don't know what the fuck to say or do. I took a step forward, the leaves beneath my shoes echoing in protest, causing Bella's head to snap up in my direction. Her eyes rimmed red as tears streamed down her face.

"Edward." She said, sounding surprised as she swiped a tear with the back of her hand.

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**What do you think? I haven't been asking for reviews in the last 2 chapters but it doesn't mean I don't want them :( I was trying not to nag but now i'll say please Review because i love hearing what you hated and what you loved and some of you make me laugh so hard with your comments :D**

**Fan Fic recommendations this week...**

**The University of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud - Definitely one of my faves. A selfish and brooding professor with a past that seems quite dark. If you check out a story make sure its this one. The writing in it is amazing.**

**The Blessing and the Curse by The Black Arrow - Another story about a dark Edward but this one is very different. Quite a sad and emotional story, once again great writing, really captivating.**

**Can you Tell i love my darkwards or what?**

**REVIEW and tell me your thoughts :D  
**


	17. Her Diamonds

**A/N - Yes! Finally, FF has been giving me hell. Thanks to my readers and reviews, all your support and kind words mean the world to me mwa!!**

**Big love and hugs to my twitter girls as well as Debbliss and Stormyinco who have been with me since the very beginning!**

**Big thanks to my wonderful beta luv4jake who works her ass off to beta these chaps, they're not short so its just more work for her, thanks so much to you.**

**WARNING- Just has to say that this chapter discusses Anorexia and its systems so if this topic is sensitive to you i warn you to proceed with caution.**

Steph Meyer owns Twilight, i just own the lap top where this beauty gets written :D

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**Rob Thomas, Her Diamonds**

Oh what the hell she says  
I just can't win for losing  
And she lays back down  
Man there's so many times  
I don't know what I'm doin'  
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon  
She rubs her eyes  
Says it's funny how the night  
Can make you blind  
I can just imagine  
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
But if she feels bad then i do too  
So I let her be

And she says oooh  
I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down  
Cause I can't help her now  
She's down in it  
She tried her best and now she can't win it  
Hard to see them on the ground  
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance  
And it takes all night  
And I know I could break her concentration  
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon  
She rubs her eyes  
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry  
And there's something less about her  
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
So I sit down and I cry too  
But don't let her see

And she says oooh  
I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down  
Cause I can't help her now  
She's down in it  
She tried her best and now she can't win it  
Hard to see them on the ground  
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night  
Tries to close her eyes  
If she can find daylight  
She'll be alright  
She'll be alright  
Just not tonight

And she says oooh  
I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down  
Cause I can't help her now  
She's down in it  
She tried her best and now she can't win it  
Hard to see them on the ground  
Her diamonds falling down (2X)

**BPOV**

I tried to ignore her. I really did. But I had a line… and she crossed it. She knew it. And she watched in rapt amusement as I choked out a "Fuck you" and ran out of the class room, ignoring the confused and some shocked stares of my fellow class mates. I didn't know where I was headed, all l knew was that I needed to get out of there and fast before I was bombarded with the insincere concerns of everyone around me. Alice and Rosalie would find out, as would Jasper and Jacob. Those four knew me very well and knew all about my weakness. That's what I call it… a weakness. I don't like the word disease, because really, the thought of something being wrong with me only makes it worse, only makes me feel even more worthless than I already feel.

After my day with Jacob yesterday I wasn't in the best mood to begin with. My first half of the day with him went by like the usual, spent in his garage as he worked on his Rabbit. I was surprised to see he was almost done and I was so proud of him because he had put a lot of time, money and effort to transform that thing and I wouldn't have thought it was possible but with Jacob… well he loves a challenge. We mucked around for a bit, just laughing and being ourselves till I mentioned Edward. He froze, the muscles in his shoulders and back tensing immediately at the mention of his name. He turned to me, waiting for me to continue.

"What about him?" Jacob asked, turning to search between his tools for a wrench.

"Well," I began, chewing my lip and not really sure how to come out and say it, "You know how we've been spending some time together…" I explained, watching him closely and just waiting for it to register with him what exactly I was trying to say.

"Yeah?" He pushed, waiting for me to continue.

"Well, we're kind of-" I wasn't able to finish my sentence because Jacob snapped up from his place at the bench and turned to me, his eyes narrowed at me in a death glare.

"You're kind of what?" He said, his fists clenched tightly by his sides. He knew very well what, he just wanted to me say it out loud.

"We're dating." I said nonchalantly and straight out realizing by this point that it was useless to beat around the bush any longer. He went quiet, turning back to his bench and fiddling with his tools but I could see from where I was that he wasn't actually doing anything. He was just avoiding me or working through the information he just discovered in his head. I sat in silence figuring it would be best to give him time to mull it over and calm down a bit before I said anything more.

"You know Bella, for as long as I've known you, I've never thought you'd be stupid enough to date someone like Cullen." He said dryly, his voice almost void of any emotion. I kept quiet thinking it might be better for him to just let it out. "A fucking whore he is, with the troubled past he's had-"

"We've all got them so don't even go there." I snapped harshly. He spun around to face me and that's when I saw the hurt swimming in his eyes. They were downturned at the corners, their color a dull black but the rest of his body showed his anger, his tense jaw, muscles, fists.

"Two wrongs don't make a fucking right!" He retorted.

"So you're calling me a wrong? Does what I went through make me a 'wrong'?" I asked using air quotes for the word wrong.

"No. Don't fucking twist my words." He threw a dirty rag aggressively onto the floor then began pacing back and forth before he came and stood in front of me. "He's kissed you?" He asked. His question caught me totally off guard. He knew the answer, he almost wanted the confirmation because he'd always joked that he would give me my first kiss.

"Of course he has." I murmured, hating the way he was looking at me. He froze for a split second before he paced off again, walking back over to the hood of his car, where he began fiddling with the engine or something. I couldn't see from where I was standing. "He makes me happy. You may not believe it but it's true." I said.

"I make you happy. Jasper makes you fucking happy, that means Jack shit." He said harshly. I shook my head to myself realizing there was no getting through to him. He didn't like it and he either will eventually warm to it or never will. I also knew it wasn't just because it was Edward, it was the fact that it just wasn't _him._

"I know you're not happy about it but I can do whatever I please. Even Rosalie is warming to the idea… or at least trying to."

"Rosalie? Who else knows?" He asked peering from around the raised hood.

"Just Rose and Emmett for now. They found out yesterday. I wanted to tell you myself."

"How long?" He asked.

"How long we've been together?" I asked. He flinched a little before he nodded. "A week."

Little was exchanged between us after that. He wasn't happy, that much was obvious but exactly _what_ was swimming in his head I didn't know. I tried creating conversation but he wasn't in the mood. Rose arrived not long after helping Jake out a bit. The topic wasn't brought up but Jake's stance and attitude wasn't allowing me to forget about it. I was hurt because he was hurt. I couldn't help it but I loved Edward and nothing anyone could say could make me think otherwise. I didn't get to see Edward that night as the three of us hung out in his garage till late. Rose was helping Jake the entire time while I just handed them tools, it was the only thing that didn't require any car knowledge from me. I left that night with that tension between Jake and I still very much there. Rose sensed it, it was hard not to, but she knew what it was about so she didn't question me about it. The only thing she said to me as we headed to our cars was "Give him time." She gave me a tight hug with a reassuring smile before she climbed into her Porsche. So when I arrived at school this morning I wasn't looking forward to seeing Jake again and how he was going to act toward Edward but I tried to stay positive. But all my worries dissipated as soon as Edward approached me in the parking lot.

History dragged on. Jake was talking to me but he wasn't himself and I knew he was just pissed at me and obviously hurt as I knew he had some strong feelings for me. A part of me wished he would just come out and admit it, bring it out in the open so we could discuss it and I could tell him that I don't feel that way about him, it might help him move on. But the bigger part of me knew any chance of him expressing those feelings to me now were slim. He wouldn't want to add to his already wounded pride.

The rest of the day flew by thank fully as I was just impatient to get to lunch so I could see Edward. I had Social Studies just before lunch and Lauren had the same class. I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head throughout class and it had me uneasy. I wasn't sure why or what her problem was but I knew there was something. When the bell sounded for the end of class I couldn't have been happier. As I stood up and packed my stuff away Lauren appeared in front of my desk.

"Cullen huh?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, a sly look on her face.

"Excuse me?" I asked not even bothering to look up at her.

"He's fucking you or what now?" My head snapped up to meet her mocking gaze. I opened my mouth to respond to her but I just closed it back up. What in the hell do I say to something like that? "He'd never fuck you _Bella." _She continued, with her hands placed firmly on her hips. I grabbed my bag and tried to walk past her but she quickly jumped in front of me, blocking my path. I tried to circle her but she just kept blocking my way. "You're too… _plain_ for someone like him. Brown hair and brown eyes… he could do so much better." She sneered.

_Look at her long blonde hair, absolute perfection. Edward needs perfection Bella._

"You're nothing but another fling to him Bella. You know, once he told me that he found me way more attractive than you. He said that you were too plain to be with-"

"Lauren." I heard someone say sternly as if in warning. I turned my head to see Mike approaching us, his eyes darting back and forth between us, concern evident in his blue eyes. Lauren turned to face Mike with a mischievous smile plastered across her face. I couldn't shake her words out of my head. She was beautiful. There was absolutely no doubt about that so there was nothing telling me to think otherwise about Edward's 'supposed' words.

"Bella and I were just having a heart to heart." Lauren smiled innocently, her eyes darting back to mine.

_Look at her… she is gorgeous, what made you think you could compete with that?_

I could feel the onslaught of tears emerging and there was no way I was going to break down in front of her and give her the satisfaction of affecting me. With a choked out "Fuck you." I pushed my way past her and Mike, causing her to stumble back as I hurried out the door and to my truck.

I needed to get out of there.

I hugged my knees tighter against my chest, trying with all I could to keep myself from breaking down. Because I've cried over this enough.

I've cried over myself enough.

I've cried over my weakness enough.

I've cried over the offensive and heartless comments from others enough.

I've just cried enough.

And I don't want to anymore. But that is the beauty of this weakness, no pun intended. You have no control over it. It controls you. I'd like to believe my year of therapy did me some good. The fact that I had to go to therapy only really added to my weakness, once again cementing the fact that I wasn't perfect and I needed help. It's all about mind control. Your mind is a powerful thing. It has the ability to make you believe almost anything. I didn't have a choice. The moment those voices started, it wasn't something I could switch off and try to rein some sort of power over. It took me under into the deepest darkest shadows of my life and I shudder now at the bleak memories. It's too painful. Too painful to remember what it did to me, physically and mentally. I wasn't myself, of that I am sure. As much as I believed back then, that it was _me_, that that's was how I was supposed to be, I now find it absolutely disgusting that I found any sliver of truth in it.

My case was considered minor. Well, doctors don't believe there are mild or severe cases of anorexia, you either have it or you don't. Treatment is the same, the way they approach it is the same no matter how deep you're in it. But even with that, there are some severe measures taken to help someone who has fallen deep into it and been struggling with it for years, to the point of almost no return. You can overcome anorexia… completely. The longer you stay sucked into that deep end the harder it will be to resurface. You only strengthen those voices in your mind, they practically control your every thought that passes through your head, humiliating you, telling you're worthless, ugly, and that no ones loves you. And you start to believe it because when something is constantly drilling those negative thoughts into your head and you have no control over whether to listen to it or not, it's bound to happen. It's bound to happen that you'll start to agree with these voices and believe everything it is feeding you, and that's when you start plummeting without even realizing it.

There is no known exact cause for it. It could be a number of things, cultural, psychological, life transitions, genetic, it could be anything. Any thing that requires you to question your lack of self worth is a cause.

Charlie and Renee's divorce.

That was mine.

Guilt washed through me like a waterfall almost drowning me when I found out. I was 13 at the time they decided to do it. And like every child does I blamed myself. I desperately tried to keep them together. To beg for them to stay together because I couldn't fathom the thought of my parent's falling out of love. Well, Renee at least. I still believe till this day, no, I _know_ for a fact that Charlie still loves Renee. The divorce almost destroyed him. Renee thought my dad didn't love her. Charlie isn't a man of many words and doesn't express his emotions freely but that doesn't mean they're not there. But for Renee that just wasn't enough. They were complete opposites, love brought them together and it was only about time before that fizzled and they were left with two different outlooks on life.

But I didn't see all that.

I blamed myself.

That's when the voices started.

And I believed them.

That was all I knew. I was distraught. The thought of one of my parents moving out killed me. I loved them both equally. They were my parents, I couldn't imagine one of them leaving me. I didn't want one parent. I wanted them both and I made that known to them. I cried and screamed and threw many tantrums, demanding they get back together. But I was naïve. I was only 13. I thought it was that simple. So when they said it just wasn't working, I couldn't take it. I broke down and started blaming myself. I wanted them so desperately to stay together, for my sake at least if not for anything else. But they couldn't and that's when the voices began.

_It's because of you_

_They don't love you enough to stay together._

_You're worthless to them_

_You could have prevented this._

Those thoughts kept gnawing in my head. I couldn't escape them because a part of me believed them. It was a reason I could understand for their divorce. Something I could blame because if there's something to blame then it makes sense. The weeks that followed after they announced their divorce Charlie moved out. He stayed in Forks for that time being but moved out of our house. I was missing his presence like the air I breathed. The couch was empty. The fridge was no longer loaded with Beer. The cruiser was no longer in our driveway. The house was void of his existence. And I couldn't take it.

It started with insomnia. I lay awake every night, my brain battering over it all. I didn't tell Renee though, she had enough on her plate as it was, adjusting to live life as a single mum wasn't easy on her. She was a great mum, I couldn't deny that but she was hair-brained. She could be selfish, putting her needs first at times so I knew this was hard for her, trying to adjust her time to deal with someone who was solely her responsibility now. Day and night I'd batter my brain with selfless comments, blaming myself, thinking of all the different ways I could have changed the outcome. Clues I could have spotted to stop things before they got too far. I lost my appetite, my stomach uneasy. Some people eat when they get depressed, taking out their worries by indulging into food.

I was the opposite.

I couldn't eat. And when I did, I'd fight the urge to retch it all back out. Then the voices started telling me it was because I didn't deserve food, I wasn't worthy of this indulgence. So I stopped eating as a way of punishing myself. If only I knew how far it would go. I was going through my days living off an apple and a small dinner…. That's it. Whenever I tried to eat more, I would feel sick. So then I stopped eating. It went on for weeks like that. Renee wouldn't be there in the mornings to see that I skipped breakfast, or at school to see I wasn't eating. She only saw me at dinner time when I'd have a little something to eat, telling her I had a big lunch at school or I that I had just had something to eat before she got home. She noticed my small form shrinking, but she knew it was apart of the divorce not because of my eating habits and let it pass. I wasn't at the point when we should have worried but by the first 6 weeks I had lost 11 pounds. I could feel my clothes starting to sag on me… I welcomed it. My voices telling me I deserved to be shrinking away and that was my punishment. And I believed them.

I was awakened from the imprisonment of my thoughts when I heard the familiar sound of crushed dried leaves, echoing in my silent surroundings. My head snapped up and my eyes met a pair of worried green ones.

"Edward." I choked out, my voice barely there. I quickly wiped a fallen tear away with the back of my hand. I stared back at him as my eyes locked with his and I found I was unable to look away from his intense stare. A million questions suddenly bombarded my already overworked brain. For him to actually be here he must have heard what happened back at school. Who else knew? And how did he know where to find me and what was he doing here? He was shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably as he kept running a hand through his hair. He seemed uneasy and I wasn't sure why. I forced my gaze away from his, his stare making me even more uncomfortable than I already was. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself some but there was no need to, because his shear presence was sending a familiar warm buzz to pulsate through me, calming me.

I heard the sound of his steps approaching me, slowly almost cautiously. The warmth pulsating through my body amplified to an immense level as he sat down beside me, my body's tension dissipating. I turned my head so that my cheek was resting on my knees as I looked over at him. He had his back against the same wide tree, his knees bent up and spread apart in front of him. He turned to look at me, a slight wrinkle in between his brows indicating he was in deep thought. I turned my face back into my knees hating the way he was studying me. I wasn't a charity case. I may have been one at one point in my life but I refuse to be one now. I started taking deep breaths into my knees, not wanting to start crying again. Because that's what I did when I was angry, frustrated, humiliated… I cried. It was almost my body's way of trying to release it all out of my system.

We continued to sit in silence. Edward still hadn't said a word and I refused to. What do I say? There were too many questions floating around in my head that I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer of, so I stayed quiet and decided when he was ready to talk he'd do it. A big part of me wanted him to touch me. To comfort me. To do something… anything. I just needed him, his scent and his warmth. And I started to think that maybe Lauren's words were true. I mentally scolded myself refusing to allow a snarky remark from the queen bitch to fuel my negative thoughts. So I hugged myself tighter, hoping I could at least provide some sort of comfort to myself even though I could be my own worst enemy in a situation like this. When I couldn't take the silence anymore I spoke, my voice a whisper.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, keeping my face buried into my knees, afraid of what my eyes might find reflected back at me. He didn't reply right away. And that only fueled my frustration. When he did speak, I could hear the anger in his voice.

"I heard what happened…" He trailed off and I heard him take a deep breath. I gave in and turned my face to look back at him. He was staring at me, his jaw clenched tight and eyes swimming with worry. It made me feel so small, the way he was staring at me, like I was that charity case and I didn't want to be seen like that. I bit my lip to stop it from quivering as I felt my traitor tears blurring my vision. I quickly turned my face back into my knees and fell apart as I started to cry. I tried to hide it from him not wanting him to see how much I was hurt over this. I tried not to sniffle and tried to keep my breathing regulated but all to no use, it was too much. I felt the burning warmth of his body suddenly against mine as he lifted my favorite leather jacket of his away from his side to wrap around me like he had done that night at first beach. I welcomed the warmth and his scent with open arms, my face turning into the crook of his neck, my favorite place in the world. My arms wrapped around him tightly till I was practically in his lap. He realized what I was doing so he lifted me up with ease and sat me in his lap, the warmth and comfort of his arms overwhelming every inch of my body and washing calm over me. He buried his nose into my hair, the simple gesture eliminating Lauren's words in a flash.

Once I had stopped crying, I relaxed into him, my body molding to his perfectly.

"You shouldn't be here." I murmured. "If they catch you, you'll get in trouble."

"Fuck em." He replied simply. "I don't give a shit about anything right now." He added, pulling me closer to him, I welcomed the gesture and tightened my arms around his neck just needing to be closer to him. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, his voice muffled by my hair as he kept his face buried into it.

I knew I would eventually have to. I was pretty confident he knew about my weakness now. It was a matter of time it came out anyway. And maybe I would feel better once I opened up to him? That way there would be no secrets and I wouldn't have to keep treading lightly whenever something came up about it.

"I don't know." I said tentatively. "It's not easy to think about, let alone say out loud." He nodded in understanding.

"I know." He answered simply. We sat wrapped in each other's arms for a while longer. I wanted to talk but I wasn't sure where to begin… how much did I want to tell him? And how much did he want to know?

"H-How did you find out?" I asked hesitantly not sure I wanted to know how. It was pretty certain the whole school would know what happened by now. Gossip doesn't take long to spread in Forks, especially when Lauren is in the center of it all.

"I heard Mike talking about it with Kate. Lauren won't get away with this." He said, his body growing tense underneath me as his anger began to flare. I reached my hands up into his hair and began stroking my fingers through it. He relaxed instantly, letting out a little sigh. He suddenly grabbed my wrists and pried them away from his hair gently. I pulled back to look at him, wondering what he was thinking. He looked into my eyes, searching.

"Jasper told me." He said. His tone was almost pleading with me to tell him myself. I chewed my lip, contemplating how I would be able to tell him before the ache in my chest would be no longer bearable. He reached his hand up and cupped my face gently, giving me a light smile in reassurance. "You know I'm here." He murmured. My heart faltered for a second at his words. They were so reassuring and so supportive. I had not expected him to be like that with me. I nodded slowly, taking a deep breath before I started.

I told him how it all began when I was 13 years old. The day Charlie and Renee decided to get a divorce my world came crumbling down and I couldn't take it. It was too much for me, the guilt eating away at my insides telling me I could have somehow prevented it. I fell into anorexia without even realizing it.

"Imagine having someone walking by your side, 24 hours, 7 days a week, wherever you go, whatever you do, they're there. Imagine they are right up against your ear, constantly whispering the most negative things they could think of. Telling you you're worthless, ugly…" I trailed off as lump formed in my throat. I had to stop, taking a deep breath. He lifted his hand and began running his long fingers through my hair, it was so comforting.

"You don't have to tell me if it's too hard." He assured me. I shook my head.

"I want to… I need to do this." I responded, I sat for a few moments, gathering enough strength so I wouldn't fall apart again before I continued.

"I deprived myself of food as a punishment for letting my parents divorce… try telling me it wasn't my fault… I would have just brushed it off because I truly believed it was my fault and that I would have been able to change the outcome. After weeks of eating little, my stomach grew used to it, so when I would attempt to eat a little more my stomach wouldn't handle it and I'd throw it all back up. That continued on for a few weeks till I became obsessed with my weight loss without even realizing it. I began going for runs in the mornings before school and in the afternoons after school, _wanting_ to lose more weight. I'd welcome the burn of my muscles protesting the run, I'd feed off of it… Renee would be sleeping in the mornings and in the afternoons she would still be at work so she had no idea the extremes I was going to. I started eating one small meal a day at dinner with Renee just to keep up appearances. Renee wouldn't be there in the morning to see I skipped breakfast and at school I'd have something as small as an apple, but I'd just nibble on it, it would take me all of lunch hour to finish an apple." I took a deep breath as I resurfaced the memories of the past voluntarily for the first time in 18 months. It still hurts to think of them. I only realize how much damage I was actually doing to myself now, I was oblivious to it back then.

"I lost 16 pounds in 9 weeks." I said, shame dripping from my voice. Edward held me tighter as I began to shake slightly from anxiety.

"Didn't Renee realize you were losing weight so dramatically?" He asked, speaking for the first time since I started talking.

"She did and she mentioned her concerns briefly to me a few times but I just told her I wasn't sleeping and was stressing over school." I chuckled dryly. "Lame excuses, but I think she was terrified, she didn't know what to do… till one night, 10 weeks into it, she confronted me when she came home from work."

**_5 Years Ago_**

I flitted around the kitchen grabbing everything I would need to make some fried chicken. I pulled out the chicken, the ache in my chest gnawing away as once again I made dinner for only Renee and me. Well today just Renee since I wasn't eating. I used to take pleasure in making dinner for Charlie. He loved my cooking. My eyes began to burn with my tears as I thought about Charlie, sitting in his little place, fending for himself when it came to his meals. He was now in Seattle and I haven't seen him in 5 weeks. I missed him terribly and if it wasn't for Jake, Rose and Alice I would have followed him to Seattle to be by his side.

As I was draining the chicken and fries, the look of the paper towels soaking up the oil was making me feel sick. But despite that my stomach growled. I ignored it.

_Your appearance in the mirror was just appalling. No dinner for you tonight._

I nodded to myself as I pulled the last chicken piece from the pan and placed it beside the others. I heard the front door open and close before Renee's heels echoed through the house, getting louder as she approached the kitchen. I heard her sigh lightly as she paused at the door. I turned around and smiled.

"Hi mum." I said forcing a smile.

"Hey, baby." She said smiling half heartedly as her eyes scanned over me from head to toe. She walked up to me as I was placing the food onto the table. She grabbed me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at her. She was trying to smile but it came out as a grimace. I stared back into her eyes, she was in deep thought. I could tell she wanted to say something but was hesitating. "You're eating with me tonight right? Because I hate eating by myself." She said, watching me closely. My heart began pounding at the thought of eating the oily food.

_No! She doesn't care what you look like. Don't eat… after your stint with the fries today, you're not eating dinner. You don't deserve that indulgence._

I opened my mouth to speak but then closed it, unsure how to decline.

"I'm not hungry." I said finally, shrugging out of her hold and walking over to the cupboards to grab some plates. As I turned back to the table I saw her still standing there, her eyes full of distress. I bit my lip not wanting to see her hurt over me. I've caused her enough pain. I set the plates and was setting out the cutlery when she walked out of the kitchen. I sighed in relief hoping she wasn't going to push me any further. I grabbed two glasses and filled them with water each before taking a seat in my usual spot. I was taking a sip when Renee re-emerged, clutching what looked like some sort of pamphlets in her hands. She hesitated for a second before taking the seat at the head of the table, adjacent to mine.

She placed them on the table before sliding them over to me hesitantly. She wasn't looking me in the eyes so I knew this couldn't be good.

"Since you're not eating why don't you read through these while I eat huh?" She asked with a slight smile, her voice quiet and friendly.

My eyes fixated on the pamphlets, the words 'EATING DISORDER' staring back at me in huge letters, as if mocking me. I began chewing my bottom lip as my heart began its vicious pounding against my rib cage. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from those two words. I don't know how long I sat there, my eyes locked onto those two words, haunting me, making me shake slightly.

"Are you ok baby?" Renee's voice made me jump, snapping me out of my stupor. I glanced over at her as my eyes glassed over with tears. I began shaking my head frantically.

"You think… you think…" I couldn't seem to get the words out. I took a deep breath before I tried again. "You think I have a…." I couldn't bring myself to say the words out loud. I popped my head up to look at her through the blur of my unshed tears. She smiled reassuringly at me, placing her hand on top of mine over the table.

"I'm not thinking anything, how about you just read through them for me?" She asked softly, I could see the worry in her eyes contradicting her calm and nonchalant tone. "Please." She pleaded as I continued to stare back at her. My eyes snapped back to the pamphlets on the table. I slipped my hand out from underneath hers and grabbed one with a trembling hand.

I let my eyes scan over it briefly, before opening it up, my heart pounding so hard I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears. I swallowed thickly as I forced my eyes to focus on something but I was too scared. Too scared of what I might find. I took a few calming breaths, not helping in the slightest before my eyes met the words…

'SYMPTOMS.'

I sucked in a ragged breath, my eyes closing briefly as I mentally prepared myself for what I might learn. I could suddenly taste blood. I hadn't realized how hard I was gnawing at my lip. I could feel myself getting light headed at the taste but my concern and attention was too focused on the information in front of me.

I blinked back the sting of tears as I read the first symptom.

- _Pretending to eat or lying about eating._

I shook my head, that doesn't mean anything. I went to the next one.

- _Dieting despite being thin_

I wasn't dieting. I was punishing myself by depriving myself the pleasure of eating.

- _Compulsive Exercising_

"No." I said to myself, my head shaking quickly. This wasn't me. I kept reading, desperate to find something that didn't relate to me.

- Dramatic Weight Loss

- Fixation on body image

- Harshly critical of appearance

- Denies being too thin.

"No." I said, my voice barely coming out. "No… no… no, no, no, no, no-" I began chanting before I felt Renee's arms wrap around me. A broken sob escaped me as I cried into her chest, chanting 'no' as I cried. I couldn't have an eating disorder, that wasn't me, I wasn't one of _those _girls.

"No!" I cried loudly.

"Shh, its ok sweetie, we're in this together…." Renee soothed, her arms around me tightening in a comforting embrace.

**_Present Time _**

I clung to the front of Edward's jacket as I began crying into his chest, the sharp aching in my chest was so strong it was as if I was going through it all again. His arms tightened around me as he placed soft kisses on the top of my head, letting me cry into him.

_I_ was horrible. What I put my parents through, the agony, the pain, the blame they took for what happened to me, I was horrible and selfish.

"I'm horrible." I cried, clutching his jacket as I buried my face into his chest.

"Fuck, you're not." He said. "Don't fucking say that shit." He said. He spun me around so that I was straddling him allowing me to hug him closer, my chest pressed up against his as far as I could go as I buried my face into the crook of his neck, immediately feeling that calm wash over me like a warm blanket protecting me from ice. I loved him and for a strange unknown reason his warmth and touch calmed me, something that I never felt with anyone before.

"Lauren knows about me." I said through my tears. Edward lifted his hand and wiped them away with his thumb. I felt so little sitting here and having a break down with him. I was sure he was thinking I was crazy.

"About your…" He drifted off as if he was too scared to say it out loud in fear of what kind of reaction it would emit from me.

"Anorexia." I said in barely a whisper. His eyes were swimming with a myriad of emotions. He looked sympathetic, concerned, annoyed, worried, angry...

"Listen to me." He said, his eyes penetrating into mine. "She will not get away with this little stunt she fucking pulled. I feel fucking responsible for what happened because she was using the fact we… fooled around, as a way to break you. She's fucking jealous. Jealous of your beauty. She doesn't even begin to compare to you Bella. Yes, she is attractive, I can't deny that shit but you? You're fucking perfect to me. Everything about you is so fucking beautiful."

My crying ebbed as I stayed clutched onto Edward like he was preventing me from falling down into the deepest darkest hole. Because metaphorically speaking, he was. I sat in his arms for who knows how long, it could have been minutes or it could have been hours but I had no idea. I wasn't keeping track of time. Then it hit me.

"You have to get back to school, if Carlisle finds out-" I began as I tried to climb out of his lap but he held me in my spot, stopping me by cradling my face between his hands as he brought his forehead to mine causing me to suck in a ragged breath at his closeness. The feel of his warm sweet breath ghosting across my face was causing my heart to begin pounding against my chest. His eyes were on my lips in complete focus. I brought my hands up from his jacket and trailed them up to cradle his neck. The both of us were clutching onto each other almost desperately.

"Fuck. Them." He said each word separately, his tone hard and demanding me to understand. I nodded slowly, the thought of him leaving me too much to bear. I was clinging to him for dear life.

No more words were exchanged between us for a while. We sat as we were, clinging to each other. Edward was occasionally grazing his nose lightly against mine as my eyes fluttered shut. It was soft, delicate… so unlike him but yet so perfect.

He let his nose pass over mine once again, lightly and painfully slow, before his lips brushed against mine tenderly. He pulled back slowly, his lips still against mine, barely touching as he spoke, "Don't move… just let me try something, ok?" He asked softly, his voice like silk. I barely managed a nod against him as I swallowed thickly. My heart was pounding, calling him, I loved him and I wanted to tell him that he was the only one that made me feel this way.

He leaned forward again, his lips pressing to mine softly, moving against mine excruciatingly slow. My eyes fluttered closed and I noticed his did too at the same time. He parted his lips a little, bringing my bottom lip between his and sucking on it, softly and lightly. He released it, moving to my top lip and taking that between his lips, once again sucking on it slowly. He kept that pace switching between the two, back and forth, back and forth, taking his time like we had all the time in the world.

He pulled back briefly, taking in deep breath before bringing his lips back to mine, nipping them, moving his lips so they molded perfectly to mine. I parted my lips, to bring my tongue out but he pulled back quickly, my eyes opening and meeting his. They were dark and lust filled.

"Don't. I said don't move, stay still… for me?" He asked as his eyes moved back and forth between mine. His voice was so thick with desire my breath got caught in my throat. I was engulfed with the sudden need to tell him I would do anything for him if it meant being with him but I didn't, I just simply nodded as fast as my overwhelmed body allowed.

His perfect lips touched mine again, kissing me with as much passion as he could muster. There was no tongue and it was killing me not to feel his tongue against mine, his pace was too slow and leaving me right on the edge, wanting that little bit more from him but not wanting him to stop what he was doing because it felt so good. His hands were still cupping my face almost desperately as he kissed me, his head tilting slightly as he angled his lips over mine causing me to sigh in content.

"You are so fucking beautiful." He breathed against my lips before touching them to mine again. I could feel him harden beneath me as I sat on his lap. The urge to press myself harder onto him for some kind of friction was strong but I fought it off, I knew he was on some kind of mission here and I wasn't going to disrupt that for him.

"The first thing I noticed about you that day in biology was your hair..." He murmured as his lips moved to my neck, eliciting a whimper from me at the sensation. I involuntarily pressed myself down onto his erection but he pulled back quickly as a deep growl escaped him, his eyes dark with lust and desire. His hands dropped from my face and found their place on either side of my hips, pulling me up slightly to relieve the pressure off of him. "Do you want me to attack you? Because I fucking will if you keep tempting me." He said, his voice was strained but husky. I shook my head.

"It's just that… well you're kind of tempting me too." I said looking down onto my lap to hide my blush. I've never had the desire to be so bold and press myself against him and now that I have he pulled me away.

"Bella," He breathed, his forehead coming to mine as he took a deep calming breath. "I'm trying to achieve something here and you're kind of spoiling it for me." He said sounding like a wounded puppy. It was so unlike him to sound that way so I pulled back, needing to see his expression and if it matched the tone of his voice.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, my hands finding the hair at the nape of his neck. I tangled my fingers in it, my eyes locked with his. It was amazing how I was crying just a while ago, feeling the ache of my past weighing heavy on me and now… I had a different kind of ache… between my legs and all I could think about was Edward.

He brought his mouth to my ear, his lips closing in on my lobe and tugging it gently before pulling it into his mouth and sucking it softly. "You are so fucking beautiful my Bella." He breathed against my ear, his lips trailing down my neck, once again torturously slow, my heart beating its staggered pulse. He held my face in place as his lips moved freely over my skin, leaving every inch of it burning in the wake of his lips.

"Your skin is so fucking soft and smooth and I love how you taste." He groaned as he continued to move across my neck to the other side, his tongue darting out lightly to flicker against my hot and flushed skin. I felt like I was on fire. My body was aching for him. I felt his desire for me, his want for me. With every pass of his mouth, with every kiss and every lick, I felt just how much he wanted me. And that's when it hit me. He was trying to show me just how much I affected him. He couldn't find the words to explain it, so he was showing me, probably going for the actions speak louder than words route.

His ministrations surprisingly didn't feel sexual. It may have seemed that way to an outsider but between me and him I knew it wasn't. He was just showing me how beautiful he thought I was and I believed him. Because I've never felt something as intense as this, I could practically feel his desire for me radiating off of him, consuming every part of me.

"You know," he breathed against my skin, his lips brushing up lightly as I struggled to keep my composure because basically, I felt like a puddle of awe, completely surrendered in his arms, "Your eyes… do fucking wonders to me." He said, his lips continuing to move in delicate patterns over my heated skin, down to wear my shoulder met my neck, I let out a whimper as his tongue once again darted out to lick at my skin. "Every time I look into your eyes they suck me in." He added in a breath as he pulled away from my neck, his eyes finding mine and boring into them. He leaned in and kissed each eyelid, his lips lingering on each one for a moment before he pulled back to rest his forehead on mine.

"You are beautiful, Bella." He said, his hands cradling my face again. "If anyone ever tells you otherwise, you remember this moment, ok?" He asked, his voice so smooth and soft. I nodded, fighting back the sting of tears. One simple kiss from him has managed to transport me far away from any darkness. No one has been able to ever do it with such ease. Even my year of therapy didn't have any where near the same affect as he does over me right this minute.

We stayed as we were for a while. We welcomed the comforting silence after the tension and sorrow of the atmosphere only hours before. I climbed off of Edward's lap eventually as I felt myself stiffen and I was sure it wasn't getting any more comfortable for him. I laid down on the ground, my body craving the softness and comfort of Edward's bed. Not my bed but Edward's because he would be there too. He looked over at me, the concern still slightly in his eyes but he forced a smile and laid down beside me. The sky was starting to darken, the only indication of time for us both. I left my phone in my truck and I had no desire to speak to anyone at the moment. I just wanted this moment with Edward alone. I turned onto my side as Edward did the same, our faces inches apart. I let myself get lost in his eyes, their usual deep green slightly dull from the course of today's events. The side of his mouth curled up into his breathtaking crooked smile, his eyes brightening. I smiled back, loving the ease that always encompassed us even in moments as harsh as these.

"Do you want to head home?" He asked, moving his body closer to mine. I shook my head. I wanted nothing to take me away from this moment.

"No, not yet. Is that ok?" I asked.

"More than ok. I'm in no hurry to go anywhere." I smiled at him as I pushed myself against him. It was starting to cool down dramatically and he noticed as I curled into a ball to keep myself warm.

"If you want we can start heading back to the cars before it gets too dark. We don't have to go home. We can just… I don't know, fuck, just go someplace warmer." He suggested. I thought about it. I wasn't ready to leave him but I knew I really had no other choice since it was soon going to be too dark to hike our way back.

"Ok." I said.

We both stood up as I dusted myself off from the dried leaves and twigs that were stuck to me. Edward shrugged off his leather jacket and held it out for me to slip on. I grinned back at him because I loved his leather jacket so much as I slipped my hands in and wrapped it around me. It reached mid thigh and the sleeves were too long. He smiled at me as he tried to fold them up enough for me to use my hands if need be.

"It looks good on you." He smiled crookedly at me. I smiled back as I leaned up and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"I suggest you hold my hand so you don't fall, ok?" He offered linking his hand within mine. I did just that as we headed back to our cars. Despite the cool air I was starting to burn up from the effort of the hike. It was dark, a little light left from the setting sun so I tripped numerous times but thankfully Edward kept me upright before I landed flat on my face.

It took us almost an hour to get back to the cars considering it was dark enough that we took a few wrong turns but we made it back in one piece. I walked over to my truck and pulled my cell out, not really wanting to see who had called me but knowing I should at least reassure them I was ok.

I had 20 missed calls. 5 from Jake, 4 from Rosalie and Alice each and 7 from Renee. I also had 10 messages. Without reading any of them, I sent a text message back to all of them.

**I'm fine, everything's ok. Just needed some alone time.**

Brief and simple. That was going to have to suffice. I had plenty of time to be bombarded by them later.

"What do you want to do now?" Edward asked, pulling a cigarette out of his pack and letting it hang loosely from his lips. He was so sexy when he did that. He lit it up and I watched mesmerized as he took a long drag and blew it out slowly, smirking at me, mostly likely at my expression.

"Want to try it again? It gets easier and will probably help calm you some." He suggested before taking another drag. I loved the way he always smoked using his index finger and thumb. So sexy. I shook my head. He smirked at me. "I've corrupted you enough right?"

"Nope." I said, hugging his jacket tighter around my body. I couldn't draw my eyes away from him, as he stood so casually against my truck. His black jeans hung low from his narrow hips that I could catch a glimpse of his blue boxers peaking out from behind. His grey t-shirt clung to his chiseled chest just right, showing off his toned and sculpted shoulders.

"Are you hungry? You must be hungry." He asked before taking a drag.

"No, I'm ok." I replied. His eyes narrowed at me and I raised an eyebrow in return. Wondering why he was looking at me suspiciously.

"You're not hungry." He stated, saying it like he was trying to get a point across to me. My eyes widened as I realized what he was thinking.

"I'm over that stage." I said defensively. "Yeah, I might have negative thoughts every now and then when they're triggered but I'd never fall back into that phase. Ever!" I said shaking my head. I began chewing on my lip hoping he'd believe me.

"Fuck, I know." He sighed, running his free hand through his hair. He took one last drag before flicking it to the ground. "Come here." He grabbed onto my shoulder and pulled me to him, encasing me in a warm hug. "It's just after what you told me you can kind of understand what's going through my fucking head. And shit, I don't want queen bitch to have that kind of affect on you." He explained. I inhaled his scent which now had a nice mix of smoke to it.

"Then I'll eat." I said, wrapping my leather clad arms around his torso.

"Yeah but fuck, I don't want to force you to eat now just for my sake. If you're not hungry, I trust that you're telling me the truth." He explained studying my face.

"No, I'll eat."

"Ok then. What do you feel like? I don't know many places here that I can suggest so I'll leave that up to you."

"We have the problem of two cars."

"Ok." He said running a hand through his unruly hair. "We'll head back to your place, drop off your truck and then get back in my car."

"Can I go back to your place? I want to lie down. I'm sure the school would have contacted Mum and I'm not ready for her lecture and to talk about everything again just yet."

"Of course you can. But Carlisle will be home, is that ok?"

"It's fine."

The drive back to his place seemed shorter than normal, most likely because my brain was going over my day in replay. I knew for a fact Renee was going to bombard me as soon as I set foot at home so I was hoping to put that off as long as I could.

_The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life). By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy_

Just as I was pulling into Edward's driveway, my phone rang with a message from Alice.

**Where are you? The school called Renee and informed her that you skipped. She called me to ask about your whereabouts. Are you with Edward?**

I replied straight back because Alice was always so understanding.

**I'm with Edward, don't tell Renee or Jake. I'll deal with Renee later. Call you later.**

I flipped my phone shut and climbed out of the truck, my eyes landing on Dr. Cullen's black Mercedes parked beside Edward's car. Edward walked over to me, smiling awkwardly.

"Just let me do the talking, ok?" He asked as his hand lingered on the door knob waiting for me to agree. I nodded at him and he opened the door allowing me to step in before him. I could hear the faint sound of the TV as we made our way towards the lounge. Emmett was sprawled out on the couch in some red basket ball shorts and a black t-shirt.

"Hey." He said surprised once he spotted us, sitting up and switching the TV off.

"Where's Carlisle?" Edward asked dryly.

"In his office. Ah… Mrs. Cope called him. He didn't look impressed. Apparently someone told her about your rough treatment of Newton." Emmett explained speaking quietly. It was so unlike him.

"Fuck." Edward said running a hand through his hair.

"You hurt Mike?" I asked turning to Edward. He gave me a sideways glance.

"Didn't hurt him, just forced the answer out of him. " He said retreating toward the kitchen. Emmett and I followed him.

He opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water, handing one over to me. I took it and took a long drink from it, suddenly realizing how parched I was.

"Sorry about what happened." Emmett said looking at me sympathetically.

"It's ok." I shrugged looking away feeling awkward. I didn't like people feeling sorry for me.

"Rosalie told me about what happened."

"Hey! Fucking shut your trap ok?" Edward snapped at him.

"It's ok." I reassured him. The sound of a door down the hall clicking open caused all our attention to switch to the hallway, waiting for Dr. Cullen to appear. He stepped into the kitchen, looking quite angry and frustrated.

"Edward, office now." He said simply as his eyes fixated on Edward.

"Could we do the fucking guilt trip shit later? I kind of-"

"Now Edward!" Dr. Cullen snapped. "I don't have time for your nonchalance." With that he spun on his heel and started back toward his office. Edward threw his head back in defeat, letting out a long gust of air.

"Fuck."

"I should go." I said recapping my bottle and turning for the door.

"No, wait in my room I'll be back-"

"No." I cut him off. "I really should go. I can only imagine what's waiting for me now." I said shaking my head. "But I'll see you tomorrow right?"

"If my ass is not suspended then yes." He smirked, obviously finding his situation funny. I waved goodbye to Emmett as Edward walked me to the door. Once there, I turned to him and reached up, placing a soft lingering kiss on his lips.

"Thank you for today but I hate the fact you're in trouble because of me." I said grabbing onto the front of his shirt and burying my face into it.

"It wasn't your fault. I just hope you're ok. Call me later." He said placing a chaste kiss on the top of my head. I nodded and then realized I was still in his jacket. I shrugged it off and handed it to him.

"Take it." He said shaking his head at me.

"I'll be ok. I'll be in the truck, its warm in there." I assured him. He took it from me as I smiled one last time and headed to my truck.

To be honest I wasn't really sure what to expect once I walked through my front door. I knew I had questions to answer and that I'd most likely be in trouble. I pulled up into our drive, jumping out slowly and trying to procrastinate as long as I could. I made my way to the front door, opening it softly and stepping in. I closed the door behind me quietly and walked through the house, making my way to the kitchen where I found Renee and Phil sitting at the table eating from a pizza box. Makes sense since I wasn't home to make dinner. I stood against the wall and waited. They both glanced up at me in unison, Renee freezing mid chew. Phil shook his head at me before replacing his half eaten pizza slice onto his plate.

"Hi." I said quietly, not sure what else to say.

"We've been worried all afternoon after we a get a phone call from the school informing us that you skipped out on your last two periods. Would you like to explain yourself?" Renee asked me in her authority tone. Well she thought it was, to me it just sounded funny.

"And would you like to explain why a so called Edward Cullen skipped out as well? After physically harming a student?" Phil added, turning in his chair so that he was fully facing me. I took a deep breath and pushed myself off the wall, knowing it would be better to sit down for this. I pulled my chair out, its legs scraping loudly against the linoleum floor. I slid into my seat and rested my hands on the table.

"I didn't skip school… I just ra-" I stopped mid sentence after I was about to say I merely ran away but that wasn't going to help my situation any. "I had a confrontation with Lauren Mallory."

"What kind of confrontation?" Renee asked raising an eyebrow at me. I looked up at her, hoping my expression was telling her just what kind of confrontation. It wasn't the first time Lauren had elicited such a reaction out of me. "Why sweetie?" She asked, obviously understanding where I was coming from.

"I really don't feel like talking about it." I said shaking my head at the table. "I ran off after she said a few things that brought back _those _thoughts. I'm fine now but I just had to get away from the humiliation. You know how it is."

"So where have you been all this time?" Phil asked, his tone hard. I refrained from rolling my eyes at him.

"Out." I replied harshly. "Somewhere where I wanted to be alone." Renee frowned at me as my tone was rude. I didn't stop myself this time and rolled my eyes at her.

"So how does this Edward Cullen fit into this whole thing?" Renee asked. "Were you with him now?" She asked, her tone careful.

"We've sort of become friends. He was looking out for me after he heard some kids babbling about what happened." I explained.

"That doesn't explain where you were now." Phil said harshly.

"Phil." Renee said pointedly, placing her hand over his on the table. I looked down into my lap, fighting the urge to tell him to back off.

"Can I go to my room?" I asked standing up.

"I'll come with you." Renee said standing with me. We made our way upstairs leaving Phil in the kitchen by himself. We walked into my room and Renee shut the door behind us. She smiled softly at me before taking a seat on the edge of my bed beside me. She started stroking my hair away from my face in a motherly manner. "Are you ok?" She asked softly. I nodded.

"Sure. Just mentally tired. I'm kind of pissed at myself for still letting petty comments get to me." I said, feeling the onslaught of tears prickling the back of my eyes. I quickly blinked them back.

"Oh baby." Renee cooed pulling me into a hug. "It takes time. You've had amazing progress, you know that? You have been out of therapy for 18 months now and look at you. I'm so proud of you." She said placing a kiss on the top of my head. I hugged her tighter to me.

"I know." I murmured as I pulled back again. "It's just hard at times, you know?" I said swiping a fallen tear.

We sat in silence for a few moments, neither one of saying anything while I fought back tears.

"This Cullen guy…" Renee began, "are you two just friends?" She asked, her tone nonchalant.

"Why? Don't believe everything you hear. You know more than anyone not to judge a book by its cover." I replied a little too defensively.

"Ok, I see this is a sensitive topic for you but I just merely asked you a simple yes or no question." She chuckled. I sigh in irritation not in the mood to discuss this right now. I was exhausted.

"We're just friends." I said in final tone, hoping she'd understand and stop asking me questions. I didn't need her to know anything right now, she can become overbearing when it comes to boys.

"Ok, well I guess I'll have to call Ms. Cope tomorrow morning for you. Mike was nice enough to inform her what happened and so Lauren is getting dealt with. I don't know if it's going to help your situation though. I think you'll be subjected to detention either way."

"I can handle that." I said rubbing my hands over my face. "Can I just… be alone? I'd really like to take a shower and try to forget about this day." I explained.

"Sure. Would you like some dinner?" She asked, her fingers stroking through my hair again. I took a deep breath as I began chewing my lip. I wasn't hungry but I was pretty positive Renee was going to look at it just as Edward had done. So I nodded a little hoping that would appease her. She smiled at me before getting up and leaving me alone.

After a quick and much needed shower, I slipped on my comfy sweats and tank top and climbed into bed under the covers. Renee came up with a slice of pizza that she heated up for me before retreating again, knowing I needed my alone time. She seemed a little concerned for me, more than I expected her to be but I was confident within myself that I was ok. I slipped my earphones into my ears from my iPod and cranked up the music, hoping if it was loud enough I wouldn't be able to think, because I was done thinking, I wanted to switch off. I listened to the songs that Edward added for me earlier this week, surprising myself that I liked most of them as I ate my pizza slowly, not having the appetite to eat but knowing I had to for Renee's sake. It wasn't long when I drifted off into a deep slumber.

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**Intense? Let me know your thoughts on the chapter, would to hear if it was what you expected or not. **

**Recommendations for this week.**

**Set in Stone by Psyche001- One of the best and well written stories i have come across on FF. Its different to anything i have read and if you're into a hot stoneward who can ravage you with hard core sex and has to coat your insides with a barrier to protect you then i say run now and read it. Seriously, i think this is the next big thing.**

**The Fan by Pears13 - If you think an Edward Baseball player is hot then this is the one for you. Filled with drama, lemons and jealousy. Its funny and this Edward is definitely one of the hottest!**

**Now to thank me for that wonderful chapter and for those recommendations press that pretty little button just underneath here and make me bask in your wonderful reviews *grins*  
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	18. Stepping Stones

**A/N -To wonderful readers, your continued love and support really is the push that keeps me getting these out quickly. You never cease to make me grin like a fool with your great reviews!  
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**Alrighty, Big thanks and love to my wonderful Beta luv4jake, she read and returned this to me within 24 hours and i can't thank her enough for that. They are long ass chapters so i know they take time. **

**My twitter gals, you all know who you are, i love you all to pieces and i can't tell you enough how much i love the goofing around that goes on on there. **

**Stormyinco and Debbliss, both of you mean the world to me, being there from the very beginning when i began this journey into the world of ff. love you both bunches. **

A little taste of lemon in this chapter, so if you under 18... not for you.

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight.

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**EPOV **

I picked at the arm of the black leather chair I was seated in. It was all I had keeping me from snapping at him. He always did this shit. He'd call me into his office whenever I was in trouble yet when I'd actually walk in, he would make me sit and then continue on with his work like I didn't even fucking exist. I glanced up at him briefly watching his crystal blue eyes focused on the screen in front of him as his fingers danced over the keys, typing away something for work or some shit like that. I've been sitting here for fifteen god damn minutes waiting… fucking waiting. And he knows more than anyone how I fucking hate waiting. It eats away at my insides as I try to be fucking patient and wait. That was exactly why he did it. I guess it was sort of part of my punishment. I sighed in irritation hoping to elicit some sort of fucking reaction that would indicate to him that I was losing whatever patience I fucking have which he knows is minimal. But no. He continued to type away, the sound of his fingers over the keys irritating me to no end. I gripped the arm of the chair tightly, trying with all I had not to snap. I was deep in shit as it was and I kind of didn't want to add to it if I could help it.

Considering the day I had I wasn't in the mood for his bull shit lectures. But despite what I thought, a lecture was inevitable. I've endured many from him in the past, some of them ending well and most of them ending with me storming out of the house. I guess I just didn't give a shit about anything he had to say. But today was different. Today there was a good fucking reason for my actions and I wasn't about to sit back and take whatever he had planned to throw my way. I won't do it. The minute I slammed Mike against those lockers all coherent thought and reasoning flew out the window. I wasn't about to sit back and wait for Bella to get over it before I got to see her. I went and found her myself.

I was going through a myriad of emotions today in the meadow. I've never had to comfort anyone before, never had to reassure any one that their shit will get sorted through, so today was a whole new fucking ball game for me. But it seemed to have come naturally to me. Cradling her in my arms felt so right and all I could think of was taking her pain away. As I sat there and held her as she recalled her past and cried I was bombarded with images of how I could get Lauren back, because there was no way in fuck she was going to get off easily for what she did to my girl. With that said, I knew whether Lauren said something or not Bella was not completely over her eating disorder. She may eat ok, she's a good weight, a little on the thin side but still good and seems happy enough with her appearance but I think the battle with those voices in her head are still plaguing her and I just hope she'll be strong enough to keep them at bay. To me Bella is beautiful. And beautiful is a fucking understatement. I've had many girls in my life. A lot of attractive and sexy girls at that, but there is something different about Bella. Her beauty is different, natural and alluring and I find I can never stop staring at her and absorbing everything that she radiated. I knew with Bella just merely telling her she was beautiful was not enough to satisfy and fight off the voices in her head. Actions speak louder than words and that is exactly what I tried to do in the meadow.

I glanced up at the clock on the wall behind him.

Twenty fucking long minutes and counting.

My grip on the arm chair tightened even further. I adjusted myself in my seat, trying to fight off my urge to lose it. I let both hands run through my hair, gripping the roots and pulling them tightly. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees as I looked over at him again. His eyes met mine for the briefest second before he opened the drawer beside his desk and pulled out some papers. Then he started sorting through them, organizing them into piles on his desk.

"I'm out." I snapped, standing up from the chair and turning for the door.

"Sit down." Carlisle scolded. I huffed and ran a hand through my hair. I narrowed my eyes at him in annoyance before I reluctantly sat back down in my chair, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees.

"Put me out of my fucking misery and just get on with the lecture that I know is inevitable."

"If your attitude doesn't stop and I mean it Edward, I will have your ass on that next flight to Chicago and if you want to see how serious I am…" He said turning his computer screen toward me showing me the American Airlines webpage opened up, "I can very easily have one booked for you right now." I met his gaze and raised my hands up in surrender to him.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, his eyes scrutinizing me.

"You know," he began, "I keep asking myself when you're going snap out of it and get your life back on track." He said eyeing me closely, making sure his words were being drilled into me. "It has to be a matter of time. It's been almost two years-"

"Don't!" I snapped. He pinched the bridge of his nose realizing that any sort of relative mention to two years ago was out of the question.

"I don't know what to do." He said shaking his head. "When is it going to stop? When can I have peace of mind that my youngest isn't going to let his temper get in the way?"

"Today was different." I said through gritted teeth. I wasn't planning on opening up to him about what happened today. It was personal and it isn't my place to say anything about Bella's issues.

"How so?" He asked.

"I'm not in any position to disclose that shit to you."

"Then what can you tell me about today, hmm?" He asked. I took a deep breath and let it out in a gust before starting.

"I was at my locker grabbing my books when I overhead Mike and this chick called Kate talking about Lauren saying some nasty things to a girl in his class. As soon as I heard Bella's name mentioned and that she had run out of class crying I lost it. Fuck, no one fucking treats Bella like that. I managed to get out of him what happened but he didn't know where she ran off to." I explained. "That's how it began."

"Isn't Lauren the girl you were-"

"Yes." I said cutting him off.

"Is that why she approached Bella? Because she was jealous…"

"I don't know but most likely yes. So I kinda feel responsible for the shit that happened today." I said irritably running a hand through my hair.

"So you went after Bella, right?" Carlisle asked.

"Fuck yes. I wasn't going to let it slip by. Some one had to find her, after what Lauren said to her who knows what she could've fucking been thinking or doing."

"Doing?" Carlisle asked, no doubt picking up there was more to this than I was letting on.

"Yes doing and I'm in no position to tell you anything." I said, my tone final.

"There was more to your interaction with Mike than you let on." He said pointedly, showing me he knew very well what I did.

"I may have been a little aggressive but I was seeing fucking red after what I heard so really, I can't be blamed for that shit." I shrugged, brushing the whole incident off nonchalantly.

"Well, Mrs. Cope informed me of what happened. You punched a locker?" He asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"I was angry. Would you prefer I have punched a student?"

"Don't act smart with me." He said shaking his head irritably.

"I'm not."

He sighed rubbing his hands over his face. He looked tired, dark rings around his eyes, his stress lines showing more than usual. He was damn good looking for his age, I couldn't deny that and he passed for much younger than his 42 years. But I couldn't deny the fact that I was partly responsible for his ageing. He would have looked even younger if it wasn't for the shit I put him through.

"Well," He said taking a deep breath and leaning forward in his chair, "I hope it was all worth it because you're risking possible suspension."

"Of course it was fucking worth it. I didn't give a fuck about anything at that moment, the only thing that concerned me was Bella's well being." I said. I watched as his eyes narrowed at me closely, studying me with an intensity that was making me uncomfortable. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of hands, the day's emotional baggage finally catching up with me. When I looked back at him, he was still staring at me. "It's fucking rude to stare you know." I said, fidgeting under his gaze.

"So you and Bella are dating?" He asked, relaxing his form slightly but his eyes were still studying me closely.

"I guess you could call it that."

"So, she isn't just one of your harem?"

"Fuck no! Bella is not like that." I responded.

"She seems like a nice girl." He smiled slightly at me.

"She is."

"And how is she now, after what happened today?"

I shrugged, "I guess she is ok. She's been through shit…" I stopped when I realized I had the sudden urge to ask him about eating disorders. I'll admit that apart from what Bella informed me today I really had no idea what I was dealing with. But I knew very well, I couldn't just come out and ask him about it because he would know straight away it would be about Bella. I'd have to leave it for another day where my curiousness about the disease would seem casual.

"What's the matter?" He asked snapping me out of my thoughts. I snapped my eyes back to him, his eyes seeming a little concerned.

"Nothing." I said shaking my head. "I was just saying that she seemed ok when she left but who knows how she is now. Your mind tends to show its ugly head once you're alone."

"You're speaking from experience?" He asked. Even though it sounded like a simple question, it was a loaded one. He was trying to discreetly get me to open up about myself and how I was coping with shit. I had my moments.

"Possibly." I answered avoiding his gaze. He nodded to show he heard me but he knew better than to question me further.

"Well, Mrs. Cope is expecting you in her office first thing tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, whatever." I said scrubbing my hair with both hands.

"You can leave now but consider this your last warning Edward. You pull another stunt like this, no matter what the consequences…"

"Yeah, yeah, I fucking heard you." I said cutting him off. I stood up from my chair impatient to get the hell out of there before he came up with something else to discuss. I closed the door behind me and turned for the stairs. I walked down the hall and knocked on Emmett's door before walking in.

The light from underneath the bathroom door indicated that he was inside so I walked over to his bed and made myself comfortable. Five minutes later Emmett walked out with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

"What the fuck dude?" He asked stopping dead in his tracks.

"What? I knocked, so it's not my fault you weren't able to hear it." I said "And fuck man, fix your towel will you." I said shielding my eyes with my forearms.

"What happened?" He asked as I kept my eyes closed, waiting for him to get dressed.

"Got lectured. Possible suspension. Dancing on a very fine line." I explained dryly.

"K, decent." Emmett said. I dropped my arms, relieved to find he had put some boxers and a grey wife beater on. He walked over to his desk and sat in his chair. "Fuck. You worry me."

"Eh, I worry me sometimes." I shrugged.

"So you're fine going to Chicago?" He asked.

"Better than Forks, right?" I said.

"What about Bella?" He asked raising an eyebrow in surprise. I opened my mouth to reply but then closed it realizing I had nothing to say. What about Bella? Fuck, I never actually stopped and considered that I'd be leaving Bella if I got sent to Chicago. "Something tells me that never crossed your mind." Emmett observed. I looked over at him and shook my head.

"No it didn't."

"So you'd be totally heartbroken if you had to leave her?" He asked teasingly.

"Shut the fuck up." I said petulantly.

"So how much can you tell me about what happened today? I mean Rosalie was packing shit when she found out. Jake was livid and probably fucking seeing red when he realized that you had gone after her and none of us could contact the either of you."

"Good. I actually wish I was there to have seen his face." I snickered.

"You're mean. He is a good dude man, you should give him a chance when you're not shoving your tongue down his best friends mouth."

"Actually, he is the one that hated my guts first. He is all territorial over her." I said disgustingly. "Fucking douche." I muttered. "She seems ok though now." I said. "She is stronger than people give her credit for."

"So how do you feel about it? I mean anorexia is some deep shit. Rosalie told me it all started with her parent's divorce."

"Yeah it did. I really don't know what to make of it all. I mean I look at her and find it fucking difficult to think someone as beautiful as her suffered from an eating disorder. I mean I understand its all in the mind and out of her control but still." I raked a hand through my hair. "Losing control over your mind? That's fucking scary, that's like the ultimate loss of control." I explained.

"Yeah, Lauren is a fucking bitch. Rosalie had a few choice words to say to her. Apparently, Lauren knows all about Bella and her eating disorder and that's why she gives her shit about it." He said seriously.

"That's fucking sick. She won't get away with it… the question is though how am I going to get her back?"

"It's all jealousy. You pretty much dumped her for Bella."

"I didn't dump her because I wasn't dating her."

"That's not the impression she got."

"Well, I never led her to believe otherwise. I never saw her outside of school. The only times I saw her was when I was fooling around with her." I shrugged. "I don't think we ever even talked." I mused.

"I'm beat, so scatter off." Emmett said rubbing his hands over his face.

"I could really do with a blunt right about now." I sighed.

"No way."

"I know, I know, Carlisle's home. Might just have to drown my sorrows in some good old vodka, right?"

"You go screw your liver. I'm going to sleep." He said waving me off.

I went for a shower before slipping on some black boxers and grabbing my Stoli. I slipped into bed, plugging in my ear phones from my iPod and settled back and tried to think of nothing. But that never worked. My mind went over my day and everything that happened.

I wasn't sure what to expect once I got to the meadow. I wasn't sure just how bad Lauren's words would have affected her and surprisingly enough I expected her worse. But that's not to say that what I saw didn't affect me and pull at my heart strings. It was obvious she was hurt deeply. She was struggling to keep herself together but I think the breaking point for her was when she told me the story of the day her mother confronted her about it. She knew she hurt her family, she knew she had caused them so much pain and worry that she was carrying so much guilt over it. I couldn't bear to watch her cry over it. I couldn't bear to listen to her degrade herself and speak down about herself because she was beautiful inside and out and I needed her to understand that. Everyone fucking makes mistakes and everyone deals with shit in their life differently, I of all people know that. Her coping mechanism was a little intense but she fell into it unintentionally. Whether she believed it or not, she couldn't blame herself.

I wanted her to know just how appealing she was, how beautiful I found her. I had so much desire for her that I found it hard to keep my hands to myself whenever I'm with her. So I began kissing her as slowly and softly as my horny ass would allow. But the weird thing was that none of it was sexual, my cock was raging but the reasons behind my ministrations were complete and utter desire and lust.

I wasn't sure how long after but I eventually fell asleep, earphones in and Stoli clutched in hand. I woke up a couple of hours later my alarm clock informing me that it was 3am. I groaned and rolled over suddenly feeling my sheets soak in a cold liquid.

"Fuck!" I croaked out as I realized I had fallen asleep with the bottle of Stoli in my hands. I kicked my sheets off and scrambled out of bed, flicking the bed side lamp on. I groaned as I glanced at my bed and saw the massive wet spot on my sheets. I grabbed the now empty bottle of Stoli and placed it onto my desk before I pulled the sheets off the bed and flung them in a pile on the floor in the corner. I stripped out of my vodka soaked boxers and pulled out another pair, slipping them on. I rubbed my hands over my face a few times as I tried to wake myself up enough to figure out what to do. I needed new sheets. I walked out into the hall and to the linen closet, grabbing some fresh sheets and heading back to my room. Carlisle usually had a house cleaner come to the house once a week while we were at school to do shit like change sheets so I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I grabbed the folded sheets and flung it out so it spread over the bed. It was good enough for me, I crawled my way back into bed laying myself onto my stomach. I tossed and turned for a bit, unable to sleep anymore. I rolled onto my back, huffing as I stared up at the ceiling. I grabbed my phone off the night stand and decided I'd send a message to Bella, I knew she probably wouldn't get it till the next day but I really had nothing better to do.

**Can't sleep, bored. **

I tossed it back beside me and tried to close my eyes and will sleep my way. A few minutes later my phone buzzed with a message from her.

**Neither can I...**

I was surprised that she was awake also but I guess after the day she had I shouldn't have been too surprised. I sent her another message.

**What are you doing then?**

She sent one back straight away.

**Nothing. Just staring at the blank wall… thinking.**

**Thinking never helped anyone remember?**

**True… What are you doing?**

**Just soaked myself in vodka. What are you wearing? ; P**

I was hoping I'd get a response like a sexy negligee or just panties or nothing at all…

**Lol. Just some old sweat pants and a t-shirt… nothing sexy**

Even though it wasn't the response I was hoping for I could still imagine her looking as sexy as hell. She had the ability to make anything look sexy with so little effort.

**How are you feeling?**

I was hoping after the day she had she'd feel a lot better.

**Better. I miss you.**

My eyebrows shot up at her response. She misses me? I never expected her to say something or more like admit to something like that but I have to admit I liked it. I just wasn't sure how to respond to something like that myself. I mean, if I was to speak truthfully, I missed her myself but could I really admit it? I never really wanted to be one of those fuckers that started texting gooey shit like 'I miss you' and all that kind of crap but I guess I did and to refrain from saying it just for the sake of my ego was selfish so I did it, my hand hovering over the send button for a few minutes before I hit it.

**Me too.**

I figured it wasn't a straight out 'I miss you' but it still sent the message across that I did. She didn't reply after that so I threw my phone beside me and attempted to go back to sleep.

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit considering I hadn't slept all too well the night before. I forced my lethargic ass out of bed and straight for the bathroom for a much needed shower. Once again like I had done pretty much every morning I pulled my dick to the images of Bella, my body aching for the release from my constant hard on. Once I had milked myself dry I wrapped a towel around hips and headed back to my room. I grabbed a pair of Levis, pulling them on and then matching them with a blue and white striped collared t-shirt. I brushed my fingers through my wet hair a few times, trying to make it sit right but in the end I gave up, leaving it to sit how it pleased, in its wild disarray. I grabbed some white sneakers, pulling them on, spraying on some cologne before I grabbed my phone, bag and cigarettes and headed downstairs.

Carlisle was already at work but he had said he was going to speak to Mrs. Cope so I just hoped he had already dealt with that. I opened the fridge, staring blankly at its contents before deciding coffee would be my best friend this morning. I poured myself a cup from the machine that had some coffee nicely brewing and stepped outside onto the patio. I lit a cigarette and relaxed with my coffee before I had to face the hell that I was sure was waiting for me at school. Half way through my drag I decided I wanted to pick Bella up for school, so I sent her a message.

**Don't worry about driving, I'll pick you up on my way.**

It was a minute later she replied.

**Ok, I'll be ready in ten : )**

I smiled to myself at the thought of driving Bella to school. It only meant that I got more time with her. I took one last drag before flicking it onto the grass. I tried to quickly drink my coffee as I headed back inside. Emmett was walking down the stairs, whistling.

"Good morning, little brother!" He sang as he made his way to the kitchen. I cringed at the sound of his booming voice as I drank the last drop of my coffee before placing the mug in the sink.

"I'm off."

"Hey, fuck. Where are you going? It's still early." He said glancing at the microwave clock.

"Yeah, well I'm picking up Bella." I replied as I headed for the door. I made my way to my car and climbed in, making my way to Bella's house.

I pulled up outside her house just as she was walking down the porch. She smiled slightly as she approached and I could tell from where I was that she'd had a rough night. Despite the rings under her eyes and glum expression, her skin still looked flawless and radiant. Her hair was up in a pony tail again, and from what I could gather she was going for the very casual look today. She was wearing a pair of grey jeans with a loose black t-shirt and some high top black Nikes. She looked so fucking sexy even in clothes so casual. I was just hoping that her casual outfit and loose t-shirt were only fueled by lack of sleep rather than lack of self esteem after yesterday's events.

I stepped out of the car and met her at the passenger side. "Good morning beautiful." I smiled snaking my arms around her waist and pulling her to me. I leaned down and kissed her softly. She nuzzled her face into my chest as she sighed in content.

"Good morning. This is a very nice surprise." She said looking up at me and smiling. Did she not know what looking at me from underneath her lashes did to me?

"Well, I figured why should you drive, when I could drive you myself and afterwards you can come straight home with me." I said pulling away and opening the door for her. She slipped in before I closed her door and rounded the car to my side, slipping in behind the steering wheel. I turned the ignition and headed off toward school.

It was silence in the car for a bit so I chanced a glance at Bella. She had her face turned toward her side window, staring outside intently while she wringed her fingers in her lap. I was just worried yesterday might have affected her more than she was letting on. I slipped my hand onto her knee, squeezing it lightly.

"Want to talk about anything?" I asked hoping she would open up to me. She glanced over to me, giving me a half hearted smile as she shrugged.

"I just don't know what I'm walking into today, you know? Everyone is bound to know by now what happened. It's kind of embarrassing."

"Hey, what is it that I always say in situations like this?" I asked, glancing briefly at her.

"Screw em." She said in a matter of fact tone, actually earning a light giggle from her. It made me smile.

"Fuck em but close enough." I chuckled. "Seriously, though, who cares what people think? They're going to stare because they're nosey fuckwits but you can't let that affect you. Walk with your head held high, I'll be right by your side anyways and I won't hesitate to hurt anyone that comes your way." I said. She turned to look at me giving me a warm smile. She leaned over and kissed my stubble covered jaw.

"Thank you." She whispered against my face before placing another kiss and then settled back into her seat. "You didn't shave." She stated reaching out with her hand and running it along my jaw. Just from that simple touch I felt my whole body fire up.

"I couldn't be bothered for it." I shrugged. "I'll shave if it annoys you when I kiss you though." I offered. Fuck, I couldn't believe I offered to shave for a girl, I'm seriously in this shit deeper than I'd like to admit to myself, because I hate shaving and try to avoid it as long as I can.

"No, I actually like it." She smiled as her fingers continued to run along my jaw softly.

"Good because I don't like to shave." I smirked.

"So what happened yesterday after I left? I'm sorry to have put you in that position."

"Stop apologizing, I did what I wanted to do. I got a verbal bashing, not too extreme but enough to get his fucking point across. Mrs. Cope had already contacted him and I'm expected in her office as soon as I get there." I explained running a hand through my hair.

"Yeah she called mum too. They're expecting me in her office as well. I just hope they go easy on you, I'd hate to think you get suspended or something because of me." She said staring at her fingers that lay in her lap.

"Hey, I said stop fucking apologizing. Whatever I get I'll take in my stride, I'm used to this shit." I explained just as I turned into the school parking lot. It was just under half full considering it was still early. I parked in my usual spot and cut the engine. We both grabbed our bags and got out. I walked over to her side, throwing my arm over her shoulder as I locked my car and maneuvered us toward the school office. From the students that were present we were lucky enough not to have been stared at like caged animals so that was a little relief for me.

We stepped into the small building that held the school office. I let my arm drop from around her shoulder as I approached the desk where an older lady sat behind it with short blonde hair swept over one side. She lifted her head when she heard me approach, her grey eyes meeting mine before she smiled warmly at me.

"Good morning. How can I help you?"

"We're here to see Mrs. Cope." I explained. "Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan."

"Just a take seat, I'll go get her." She said before standing up and disappearing down the hall. I sighed in boredom before turning to Bella who was leaned up against the wall, her eyes miles away. I walked over to her, lifting my hand to cup her face and graze my thumb along her lips.

"Where's that beautiful smile?" I murmured. Her eyes looked back into mine before her mouth turned up at the sides, giving me a warm smile. I smiled back, happy to see her trying. I leaned down and kissed her lips softly but she pushed me back as soon as I tried to shove my tongue down her throat.

"Edward." She scolded, her eyes darting around the office to see if anyone saw.

"Fuck em, remember?" I snickered.

"Isabella Swan, Mrs. Cope will see you first." The lady from behind the desk called. I smiled reassuringly at Bella before she opened the side door that led to Mrs. Cope's office. I sat myself down on one of those supposed ergonomic chairs that fucking arch your back till it hurts. I threw my head back till it was leaned back against the wall and stared up at the bare grey ceiling wondering just how long Bella was going to be inside. I spent the next fifteen minutes watching students and staff members walk in and out of the office. Eventually I heard the side door click open and Bella stepped out smiling slightly at me. She took the seat beside me as I waited to be called in.

"So?" I asked.

"I've got two mornings of detention this week." She rolled her eyes seeming unfazed by her punishment.

"Detention is good." I stated. She raised an eyebrow at me in question.

"Bella, I've been suspended and expelled numerous times, detention is a walk in the park for me."

"I've never had detention but I'm grateful because it could have been worse. She was very understanding about what happened, she didn't pry too much on the details, just the fact that regardless of what happened I still skipped school so I'll get what is expected." She shrugged.

"Edward Cullen." The lady behind the desk called. I gave Bella a light kiss on the cheek before I stood up and walked through the door Bella had just exited. I was led by the lady behind the desk whose name I learnt was Mrs. Houston, down the hall and to the right. The first door on our left was Mrs. Cope's.

"Just walk right in." Mrs. Houston explained before turning and heading back where we just came from.

I turned the knob and walked inside, closing the door with a soft click behind me. I sat down in one of the brown leather chairs that sat opposite her desk. She slipped her glasses off her nose, letting them dangle on a chain around her neck as she looked up at me.

"Mr. Cullen." She addressed me. I nodded my head in her direction in greeting. She got right into it, "After speaking with Isabella Swan just a moment ago, I was informed of the situation that took place yesterday afternoon. I understand the need you may have possessed to protect a fellow class mate but your behavior and actions are unacceptable at Forks High." She droned on. I was refraining from rolling my eyes and replying with 'No shit.'

"I will not tolerate the mistreatment of students Mr. Cullen nor will I tolerate the damage to school property." She looked at me pointedly before she continued, "Is there anything you would like to say?" She asked. Was it really going to make a difference?

"Its just that I think before you punish the victims in a situation such as this you might want to address the mental health of one your students, Lauren Mallory whose behavior and attitude toward Bella, I presume, would also not be tolerated at Forks High." I said with a smirk fighting hard to keep a straight face but knew I failed miserably. I was already going to hell so I might as well do it thoroughly.

"That will be taken care of Mr. Cullen." She said sternly, her tone not impressed in the slightest with my attitude. "I am sorry but you will be given suspension for a total of two days. I hope you take that time to think about your actions and learn to think before you act from now on." She explained. I expected as much, so it wasn't a surprise to me.

"I will contact your father ASAP. You're dismissed." She said with a final tone. I got up and walked out without another word. I pushed the door that led to the outer part of the office and found Bella still sitting there.

She stood up as I appeared and looked at me questioningly.

"Suspension. Eh, it's only for two days." I explained nonchalantly as I pushed the door open and waited for Bella to go ahead of me. I stepped out behind her as she turned to me with a frown.

"You dad won't be too impressed and I'm sure he hates me now."

"He was never impressed with me to begin with so no harm done there and he won't hate you. It was all my doing. It has nothing to do with you at all so stop the self blame. On the upside… I get two days of no school." I grinned down at her hoping to lighten the mood. She just shook her head at me. We past the parking lot which had filled up tremendously since our time in the office before we made our way to the main building. I walked her to her history class room, giving her a kiss on the cheek before she stepped inside. Jake wasn't in there yet and I was sure he wasn't going to be too impressed with either of us after yesterday.

I hurried over to my class and counted down the minutes till lunch. By the time lunch rolled around I was just desperate for a break from listening to the monotone of my fucking teachers. I rushed over to my locker to shove my books inside before I had to head over to the cafeteria. From the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of Newton at his locker and I contemplated whether I should apologize for my actions from the previous day. I had to walk past him to get to the cafeteria so I decided to just fuck it and do it. I closed my locker and walked over to him where Jessica Stanley stood beside him, chattering away at lightening speed.

"Newton." I said once I reached him. Jessica stopped mid sentence as they both turned to look at me.

"Edward." He said cautiously, he glanced briefly at Jessica before returning his attention back to me.

"I just wanted to say thanks for yesterday… you know, for telling me what happened." I said and then I realized that was all he was going to get from me. I wasn't going to apologize because really, I don't regret what I did.

"Ok." He said giving me a half smile. I nodded my head and brushed past them to the cafeteria.

"Little Eddie!" Emmett boomed, appearing behind me and ruffling my hair. I smacked his hand away.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I snapped. "And little Eddie? Are you fucking serious?"

"Touchy touchy. What happened with Mrs. Cope?" He asked as we entered the cafeteria.

"Suspended for two days." I explained. He sucked in air through his teeth like I had just told him the world was going to end tomorrow.

"Fuck! Daddy ain't going to be proud!" He sang.

"Since when is daddy proud of me anyways?" I asked with a shake of my head.

"True that, true that." We reached our table, my eyes fixated on Bella but when my eyes darted beside her I saw none other than Jacob Black. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders casually as he chatted with Seth who sat on his other side. Even though it was casual I still fucking hated it. I narrowed my eyes at him, the urge to snap his arm back and away from her was pretty fucking strong.

"Relax dude." Came Emmett's whisper into my ear as he gripped my tense shoulders before he took a seat beside Rosalie. I forced my gaze away from his arm and back to Bella. I took the seat on the other side of her.

"Hey!" She said smiling brightly as she leaned closer to me, Jake's hand slipping slightly off her as she moved. I smirked but kept my attention on her. I leaned in to whisper into her ear.

"Can I get a kiss?" I asked giving her my infamous crooked smile. I knew she could never resist me when I did that. She blushed looking down into her lap briefly before she looked back at me and nodded. I leaned in pressing my lips to hers. My hand immediately found the back of her neck allowing my thumb to rest just underneath her ear and pushed her closer to me. She twisted her body slightly toward me as she opened up for me, letting her tongue find mine and even though we had a table of watchers I couldn't help the moan that escaped me. Our tongues brushed against one another for a bit before she pulled back, her forehead resting against mine.

"Dude, some of us are trying to eat." Emmett whined. I turned my face toward him, pulling back from Bella.

"I've never known a time when anything has stopped you from eating." I retorted. He shrugged his shoulders before stuffing half his bread roll into his mouth.

"Aww, I think it's cute." Alice said bouncing in her seat. I looked over at Jake when I heard his chair move. He stood up and walked off with Seth. Bella looked over at him and frowned before she turned to me.

"I shouldn't have done that." She said.

"Seriously? You're going to adjust the way you act around him now?" I asked getting pissed off. She started chewing her lip as she shrugged her shoulders. I ran a hand through my hair and turned to Jasper, fucking pissed at her for the concern she always held for Jacob.

"We have our Halloween party next Saturday night at my place." Jasper said to me.

"Oh yes! Halloween next Saturday peoples!" Alice squealed causing me to flinch. Jasper chuckled beside me.

"How do you stand that?" I asked, rubbing my ear, it was fucking ringing.

"You get to use to it." He shrugged.

"Ok, next Saturday is the Halloween party. I've got everyone's costumes organized so none of you have to worry. It's the same as every year." Alice explained with a grin.

"Well Eddie and I haven't been here in the past so care to explain?" Emmett asked before taking a swig of his coke.

"Well, every year we have a theme. I'll keep this year's theme a secret. You'll be dressing as couples too so that you match." Alice answered.

"K, but I want to know now." Emmett said. "Because if its shit I'm not wearing it."

"It's not shit and don't worry I've kept each one of you in mind while I picked them out. You'll love yours." She said to him confidently.

"And this is a big thing?" I asked Jasper.

"Yeah, pretty much. Every year my parents during Halloween go away for the weekend so Rose and I throw a Halloween party. The whole class comes so it's pretty big."

"Ok." I said. I'd only been to one other Halloween party which was 2 years ago and I left in the first ten minutes. I'm not into dressing up and shit and it was boring so this one should be interesting.

Just before the Bell rang, Bella brought her hand to the back of my neck, pulling me toward her. I turned to her only to be met by her warm lips. She kissed me softly, forcing her tongue between my lips and surprising the fuck out of me. I returned the enthusiasm, opening my mouth wider for her as I let the tip of my tongue circle the tip of hers. A groan coming from someone on the table snapped us out of it as we pulled away from each other but neither one of us bothered to see who it was, our eyes fixated on each other.

"Just showing you that I don't care what anyone thinks, ok?" She said raising an eyebrow in hopes I would understand.

"Good, now I want that more often." I said with a smirk. She slapped my arm before resting her head on my shoulder. The bell sounded soon after and we stood up to head to our lockers to grab our shit for biology. Just as Bella and I were walking out of the cafeteria we almost ran into Lauren. She tried to dodge me quickly before she bumped into me but I wasn't having any of that. My hand caught onto her arm as I steadied her and pulled her to me. With one hand still holding Bella, I draped my other arm over Lauren's shoulder and brought my lips to her ear as we continued walking to the cafeteria's exit.

"If you ever speak to Bella again you will have fucking shit to pay. I don't appreciate what you did yesterday and don't think you've gotten away with it that fucking easily. Now get the fuck out of my sight." I threatened, my voice menacing. I slipped my arm off of her before pulling Bella with me away from her. I turned to Bella and found her looking confused.

"What?" I asked.

"What was that?" She asked sounding a little pissed.

"Just a bit of a warning to the fucking whore." I replied casually.

"Oh." She said furrowing her brows and still looking confused. "I thought… never mind." She said shaking her head. We reached her locker and I let go of her so she could grab her books.

"You thought what?" I asked.

"Nothing." She said again.

"Just fucking say it Bella." I said irritably. She huffed before she answered, looking quite embarrassed.

"I thought that maybe you were… I don't know, flirting or something with her." She said slamming her locker shut and turning to me with an exasperated expression. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes Bella, I was flirting with Lauren, while you were right by my side after she was fucking nasty to you yesterday. I can see you have so much faith in me." I said mockingly.

"Shut up. What was I supposed to think, you leaned into her ear…." She trailed off, her nose wrinkled in disgust.

"It's called acting. I kind of didn't want to make a scene, you know, threaten her quietly." I shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't plan it, she was there and so I did it. It was either that or I spit at her."

"Spitting at her would have been better." She mumbled. I chuckled.

"You're cute when you're angry." I smirked. She scowled at me as we walked over to my locker.

Biology seemed to drag on as Mr. Molena went through some notes with the overhead projector. I kept looking over at Bella and admiring her profile, her perfect profile. I couldn't really find anything I didn't like about her. When biology was set and done Bella and I went our separate ways to our next class.

I couldn't have been happier when the school day ended and Bella and I were back in my car headed over to my place. Carlisle wasn't home but he had called me just after the final bell rang at school to inform me the school sent him my suspension notice for him to sign via fax. He didn't sound impressed at all but he knew I had it coming anyways.

As soon as Bella and I made it into my bedroom, I dragged her over to the bed and made her sit down beside me. We both kicked our shoes off and slid up till our backs were against the head board. Bella leaned her head onto my shoulder as we both sat in silence. I felt like kissing her so badly but I was trying to refrain from attacking her. One thing I have learnt about Bella is that she doesn't express her true emotions all that easily. She'll sit in silence in deep thought in her own little world till I try to pry the emotions out of her.

"What are you thinking?" I asked after we had been sitting in casual silence for a while now.

"Just… Jake's reaction at lunch… I, I mean I understand why he couldn't handle it but he ignored me after school when I tried to approach him."

"Did you speak to him about yesterday?"

"Yeah, I did."

"And?" I asked when I realized she wasn't going to elaborate.

"Jake was there throughout the whole… eating disorder." She said shaking her head as she hesitated to say 'eating disorder' out loud. "He was so understanding and my rock through out it all. Sometimes I think if it wasn't for him I would have never fought it through. He knows everything. How it affected me and how down I became so he was extremely sympathetic about the incident with Lauren yesterday so he just couldn't understand why I didn't call him to tell him I was ok. And then… there is the fact that you chased after me… Jake doesn't know about the meadow. You're the only person I have ever told about it." She said lifting her head off my shoulder and looking up at me with her big doe brown eyes.

"How come you never told Jake?" I asked confused. With how close they were I would have assumed that would have been a place she'd take him often.

"That was _my _place. The only place I could have to myself where I could escape. So many times I just needed to escape from everyone, you know? Being constantly under everybody's surveillance and being practically babied all the time took its toll on me, I owed myself some alone time to step back from the horror my life had become and just reflect." She explained. She rested her chin on my shoulder, looking straight ahead. I kissed her forehead and held her closer to me.

"The meadow is _our _place now." She said smiling.

"Yes it fucking is." I grinned leaning down and pressing my lips to hers. I wasn't planning on a make out session but Bella seemed to have other ideas as she laced her fingers into my hair and twisted herself around so that she could deepen the kiss, plunging her tongue into my mouth. I returned her kiss with fervor before grabbing her and lifting her into my lap so that she was straddling me.

I wasn't sure what got into her but she was going for it, her tongue was everywhere and I wasn't complaining, it was the first time she has let go like this and I wasn't going to waste it. Her fingers tightened in my hair as she tugged me forward toward her mouth, tilting her head so that could shove her tongue as deep as it would go. I let a deep moan as my tongue fought with hers, my hands trailing up her arms, to her neck and back down.

"Fuck Bella." I moaned as she tugged my head back by my hair to attack my neck. Something must have fucking clicked in her and I wanted so desperately to find out what it was so I could try to trigger it more often. I cupped her face and pulled her mouth away from my neck, tilting her head back and then attaching my mouth to her neck, licking, sucking and kissing the creamy expanse of her neck. She was panting heavily as I moved all around her neck, down to her shoulder and back up.

"God, don't stop." She moaned.

I sucked the bit just underneath her ear and that must have been her sensitive spot as she let out a deep moan and she seemed to turn into jelly on top of me, her body relaxing and goose bumps spreading all over her skin. I moved my mouth back to hers, her tongue finding mine in a frantic kiss. I let my hands drop to her waist as her hands trailed to the hem of my shirt. Her fingers slid underneath, touching my abs and the feel of her warm fingers on me, sent a shiver down my spine. I pulled back from her enough to grab the hem of my shirt and rip it up over my head, throwing it to the floor. My mouth went back to hers as her fingers started trailing up and down over the ridges of my abs, leaving a fire in their wake. My cock was as hard as a fucking wall, fighting the confinements of my denim. I needed to touch her, something, anything but the layers of clothes between us was too many. I moved my hands to the hem of her shirt, letting my fingers slip under the fabric and glide along her flat and toned stomach. She flinched a bit so I moved my hand back away, not sure why she reacted that way but figured maybe she wasn't expecting me to touch her. I tried again, this time she relaxed a bit, so I moved my hands over her stomach but her kisses slowed down. I moved my lips to her ear.

"You ok?" I whispered. She nodded and pulled back to look at me. Her eyes in deep thought and I knew she was holding something back. "Tell me." I said, reaching my hand up and caressing her flushed cheeks with the back of my hand. She took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling as if she was trying to psyche herself to say something difficult for her.

"I'm ok, I really am and I'm over it but it doesn't stop me from still being a little self conscious." She said in a rush. Her eyes met mine, her lip between her teeth nervously.

"You're worried about what I'll think?"

"Well, I'm just nervous. I mean… you've been with a lot of girls and if they all look like Lauren then…" She shook her head before she continued, "I don't know, I just, I can't compare to someone like that." I stared at her in shock. She thought I wouldn't like her body?

"Bella." I leaned in and kissed her softly, "You are beautiful, absofuckinglutely beautiful. I can go into fucking detail describing every bit of you that I find perfect." I said wondering if that would make her feel any better.

"You're just being polite to make me feel better." She said rolling her eyes at my chest.

"I'm not, I don't do shit like that. I'm never just polite. I thought you would have known that by now." I said with a smirk. I grabbed her hands and held them tight in mine, my face serious again, "Jokes aside, I think that you're fucking perfect and from what I've felt so far, there isn't anything I didn't love." She blushed but said nothing. "We'll go slow, ok? I won't pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with." I said. She shook her head.

"I want to do this." She said sounding determined.

"Do what exactly?" I asked raising an eyebrow. She started chewing her lip as she grabbed my hand, holding it still for a bit before bringing it back to the hem of her shirt and slipping it underneath. She closed her eyes and let go of my hand to let me move it over her skin. I moved with just my fingers first, letting them glide softly over her stomach, my eyes fixated on hers as they remained shut and her lip between her teeth. She looked hot as fucking hell doing that. I trailed my hands up, slowly till I reached the underwire of her bra, my fingers gliding across her torso and then back down. Her eyes slowly opened just a little, lidded with desire but I could sense the apprehension in them too.

"You ok?" I asked in a whisper as I continued to stroke my fingers over her skin, down over her stomach, brushing the top of her jeans and then working my way back up. She nodded as she released her lip, her lips parting slightly as her breathing picked up. "If it gets too much just tell me to stop, k?" I asked as I moved my hands back up. She nodded as her hands continued over my chest, her touch soft and light as if she was trying to memorize every ridge and muscle on my chest.

I moved both my hands to her sides and around to her back, gliding my fingers lightly up and down her back and trailing over her bra strap. I kept my eyes on hers as she focused on my chest, her breathing was picking up but I wasn't sure whether it was from nervousness or arousal. I raised my hands up her back, her top lifting up from the front with my arms, giving me the most beautiful glimpse of her creamy white stomach. My heart was beating rapidly, I wasn't doing anything really sexual but just touching her like this was getting me worked up.

I decided to push it a little and see how far she'd let me go before she stopped me. She knew she could stop me anytime so I wasn't worried about pushing her boundaries without her permission. I moved my hand back up, my thumb brushing the underwire of her bra before I let my fingers brush over her covered breast and over her erect nipple. She whimpered but didn't stop me. I started biting my own lip because it was taking every ounce of control I had not to rip her top off. I brushed my fingers over her nipple again, her lip finding her teeth as her eyes fluttered closed, her chest heaving with each ragged breath.

"You ok?" I asked.

"Don't stop." She murmured, her lidded eyes locking with mine, pleading with me to keep going. My dick twitched. My dick fucking twitched… twice if not more as those words escaped her pink lips. It may have even been doing a fucking happy dance. Fuck.

I pulled her face to mine, kissing her passionately as my hand trailed over her breast again. I flicked the puckered nipple with my thumb through her bra, causing her to arch her back into my hand as her tongue found mine. Her hands fisted into my hair as she pushed her chest into my hand. She wanted more. I kept going, my other hand slipping underneath her t-shirt as well to massage her other breast. Our kiss became frantic as our tongues were everywhere and our teeth started hitting into each other.

She was no longer hesitant as she continued to arch her back into my hand so I pushed her a little more by pulling the cup of her bra on one side down, my hand gliding over her bare breast and cupping it. We both moaned into each other's mouths at the feeling.

"Fuck Bella!" I panted against her mouth as I kneaded her bare breast. They were the perfect size. Just more than a fucking handful and firm and soft and fuck they were just perfect. "You're fucking perfect." I whispered into her ear before latching my mouth to that sensitive spot underneath her ear that I knew she loved. She began panting as she threw her head back, allowing me better access. I released her other breast out of its cup and rolled her puckered nipple between my fingers.

"Edward." She panted as she began rubbing herself over my erection.

"Fuck!" I grunted as she rubbed against me, providing me with the perfect friction. I could feel the fucking heat emanating from her core through her denim. I had to slow us down otherwise I was going to cream my pants. I lifted her off my lap enough to push her back so that she was lying down on her back. I hovered over her, crashing my lips to hers again. My hands found her breasts again but it was getting hard under the t-shirt with her bra still intact.

"Can I remove your t-shirt?" I panted as my mouth moved to her neck. She didn't answer right away so I knew she must have been hesitating. "I don't have to, don't worry." I said not wanting to push her as I returned my mouth to hers. She turned her head away from me, my lips finding her neck.

"Yes." She breathed. I lifted my mouth from her neck and looked into her eyes. She nodded her head. I lifted her up so that we were kneeling in front of each other. My hands grasped the hem of her shirt, my eyes locked with hers as I started lifting it up slowly. She lifted her arms up so that I was able to remove it completely. I threw it on to the floor to join my shirt as my eyes darted to her chest. Fuck.

"So fucking beautiful." I groaned. Her hands came over her stomach to cover herself self consciously. I realized blatantly staring at her bare skin was probably not helping her situation any. My eyes found hers and I could see the embarrassment in them. "You alright?" I asked, my hands trailing up her bare arms lightly. She nodded straight away, giving me a warm smile. She was wearing the cutest fucking white cotton bra with black dots and black lace rimming the top of each cup.

"Edward." She said slowly, her voice a whisper. I darted my eyes back to hers, finding pure desire swimming in them. She moved forward climbing back into my lap before bringing her mouth to my ear, her tongue flicking my lobe a few times before she sucked on it. "C-can you touch me?" She asked almost pleading. I moved my head back so that I could read her eyes.

"Are you sure?" I asked. She nodded straight away. I raised my hands from her hips to rub over her smooth back, over her shoulders and to her front, over her bra covered breasts. I knead them, watching my hands work over them, becoming almost transfixed on them, my cock hardening even further as I tried to keep myself composed. The fact that it had been so long since I've been with a girl wasn't helping my situation any. I brought my mouth forward, kissing her along her neck, sucking and licking, working my way down to her collarbone, over her shoulders and then down to her chest. She sucked in a ragged breath when I ran my tongue over her covered nipple, a hum escaping her lips. I kissed the swells of her breasts, flicking my tongue along her skin, running it along the top of each cup. She laced her fingers through my hair as I continued to work my mouth over her covered breasts, wishing for less material between us. My hands trailed to her back and down to her ass, where I grabbed it and squeezed it, as my mouth stayed attached to her chest.

"Edward." My name escaped her lips in a breath, only hardening me more if that were even possible. I hooked my fingers to the back of her bra at the clasp and looked up at her, silently asking for permission.

"Only if you want me to. This is all about you, ok?" And it was true. I was fucking getting pleasure out of it no doubt, but I was focused on her, on making her feel beautiful because I couldn't fathom the fact that she couldn't believe it herself. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy but I could try.

She nodded her head, cupping my face with her hands and bringing my face to hers, our lips barely touching. "I trust you, Edward." She murmured. I nodded slowly, placing a lingering kiss on her lips before moving my fingers back to the clasp and undoing it. I let it go, allowing the straps to slip down her shoulders on their own accord. Her eyes were fixated on mine as she moved her hands to slip the bra off completely. I tried but I couldn't help it and let out a deep guttural motherfucking groan at the sight.

"Fuck." Was all I managed to say as my eyes grazed over perky breasts and taught pink nipples. I brought my mouth to hers, and laid her down on her back. I kissed her passionately, my lips moving in sync over hers, as our tongues grazed the other, her hands were in my hair pulling me deeper into her mouth and I lowered myself onto her feeling her bare chest against mine was absolute fucking heaven that I was expecting St. Peter to pop in on us anytime soon and begin reading out my sins. Her breathing was ragged, as she moaned into my mouth, her tongue working frantically against mine, her grasp in my hair tightening. I removed my mouth from hers, moving my lips down her chest as she arched her back and writhed underneath me.

I let my tongue flick over her nipple a couple of times. She whimpered at the sensation, whispering my name as she did. I continued to work my tongue over it, trying desperately to ignore the massive steel rod between my legs that was begging to rub myself all over her. While I attached my lips to her puckered nipple and sucked on it, I let my other hand find her other one, rolling the nub between my fingers. I was trying to take my time, but my work became frantic as my arousal took over and I switched to the other breast, licking, kissing and sucking it with fervor as my hand moved to the free one, massaging and pinching it. I eventually released her nipple, moving my mouth back to hers and plunging my tongue into her mouth. My arms wrapping around her, holding her tight against me, because her skin on mine felt so fucking good and I was becoming overwhelmed with emotions. I continued to kiss her, her hands in my hair pulling me harder against her mouth as she moaned. I eventually had to pull away, needing a breather because my restraint was hanging by a string.

"I have to stop…" I panted, resting my head on her shoulder. She nodded against me, her chest heaving with her shallow breaths as her fingers in my hair relaxed and began stroking through it. I stayed on top of her for a while, enjoying the skin to skin contact too much to move but I made sure not to crush her with my weight.

"Thank you." She whispered into my ear. I lifted my head from her shoulder and searched her eyes, my brows furrowing at her thanks.

"What for?" I asked, holding my weight by my forearms on either side of her head.

"For… I don't know. Just thank you." She replied. I couldn't tell the reason behind it but obviously she wasn't going to tell me for some unknown reason. I wasn't going to push her to answer.

"Well my pleasure… literally." I smirked, rubbing my still rock hard dick over her thigh. She giggled before placing a kiss on the side of my neck. "You're great, you know that?" I said looking into her eyes. Fuck, my emotions were just pouring out of me and I couldn't seem to hold them in. But it was true. As I stared back at her, her big warm eyes, her pink swollen lips and flushed cheeks, her beautiful body, I was starting to develop some serious feelings for her. A warm smile formed on her lips as her eyes sparkled at my comment. She pulled me down back onto her and hugged me close to her, her arms tightening around my neck. I hugged her back, my heart going frantic in my chest as I had a sudden need to never let her go.

What the fuck was happening to me?

I slid off her and pulled her to my side so that she was still close to me. She covered her chest with one arm self consciously causing me to chuckle. I pried her hand away from her chest…

"Would it be too much to ask if I said to never put a top on again?" I asked with a smirk. She slapped me on the shoulder before snuggling into my chest, her warm breath ghosting along my skin. I wrapped my arms around her before kissing the top of her head, drifting off to sleep together not long after.

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**There you have it, finally some lemon for you guys, hope i didn't disappoint. **

**I would like to throw a big THANKYOU to who ever nominated Through His Eyes in the Twi Indie Awards, it meant so much to me that someone took the time to do that. Unfortunately, it didn't make it past the preliminaries, something to do with inadequate review numbers or such. But thank you so much who ever you are.**

**FF recommedations.**

**Son of a Preacher Man by LaViePastiche - This story is so great. Its an Edward and Bella story but with Jasper thrown into the mix. I could not stop reading this once i discovered it. A must read.**

**The Red Line by WinndSinger - Ok, this story, i seriously can't explain what it did to me or any body that read it. Deeply emotional. A complete emotional roll coaster that will have you crying, laughing and in need of change of panties. The one story that sucks you in with an intensity that you feel the need to do something. I don't know if i made sense but give it a try.  
**

**Show me some LOVE and REVIEW. I love to hear what you guys thought and if there is anything you would like to see. I love hearing from all of you!!  
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	19. Paybacks A Bitch

**A/N - Sorry for the delay to update, RL sometimes is a bitch which causes me to put a hold on certain things grrrr. I will try and make sure it doesn't happen again!**

**Big love and hugs to my great beta luv4jake who despite having to deal with an irritating problem, she still beta'd this for me... thank you so much!!**

**Twitter whack pack, you know who you all are, thanks for all the laughs and good times!**

**Stormyinco and Debbliss, need i say anything? You both know how much you mean to me! MWA!**

**This chapter is lots of fun, the links to their Halloween Costumes can be found on my profile!!  
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This chapter contains sexual content not suitable for those under 18...

Stephanie Meyer owns it all... except Rob!

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**BPOV**

"How many of these do we actually need?" I asked with a huff.

"Well, all of them."

"Every single one of them?" I asked.

"Well, that's why I bought them… it wouldn't be Halloween without them." Alice said as she stretched out the last white cotton across the wall. They were supposed to look like spider webs. I sighed in boredom walking up to the one she just applied and attached a large fake black furry spider onto it. Alice took a step back, tilting her head with narrowed eyes as she bit her lip, observing my work. She walked back up to it and adjusted the spider slightly to the left. She nodded in approval.

"Perfect." She said in satisfaction. I rolled my eyes at her, grabbing the next furry spider to attach it to another spider web by the fire place.

"Ok, the jack-o-lanterns are done." Rosalie said placing the last one on a side table. Despite the fact that it was Rosalie's house, Alice was the one that took control of decorating the place for the party ever year. She had the patience and talent for it so Rosalie and Jasper happily handed her the duty and responsibility. As soon as I had walked through the door 2 hours ago, Alice had bombarded me with tasks… hanging up spiders, hanging bats up to dangle by a string from the ceiling, sticking the 'haunted house' and 'enter at your own risk' signs into the ground in the front yard. It wasn't a job I really enjoyed mainly because Alice could get bossy and very pedantic about things… they had to be 'perfect'. She always went for the haunted house theme, decorating the place with numerous scary things and focusing on lighting to add to the effect.

I attached the last spider to the hanging web and walked over to the couch slumping myself on the couch. I'd had enough.

"Ok, everything seems to be done, now we're just waiting for the extra skeletons." Alice said once again adjusting the spider I'd just hung. After realizing earlier that there wasn't enough skeletons to put around the place she had ordered Jasper and Edward to go buy some more. Emmett had quickly offered to join them. I think the boys were just happy to escape Alice and their tasks.

I glanced at the clock seeing it was already 4:30pm. Alice had been here since about 9:00am working on the place to turn it into a haunted house. We were expecting everyone around 7:30pm.

I heard the front door open and then the voices of the three boys filtered through the house… as well Emmett's booming laughter.

"You're such an immature dick." I heard Edward laugh.

I turned around just as they appeared around the corner, each one lugging 2 skeletons. My eyes lingered on the two skeletons Emmett was holding and realized why Edward was laughing. He had one bent over with the second one standing behind it as if they were having sex. He started doing moaning noises which caught the attention of Rosalie and Alice. They both froze for a second before bursting into laughter with the rest of them. Emmett turned to Rosalie with a wink… "Look familiar babe?" He smirked. Rosalie stopped laughing, scowling at him before slapping him at the back of his head.

"Jerk." She muttered.

"Hey! Why does everyone keep hitting me today? I swear I'm going to lose so many brain cells I'm going to turn retarded." He frowned.

"Too late you retard." Edward chuckled. He threw the skeletons onto the arm chair before his eyes landed on me. The side of his lip curled up into a crooked grin as he made his way over to me.

"Hey careful! I think you snapped its hand!" Alice cried, running up to the skeletons Edward had mindlessly tossed onto the arm chair. Edward didn't even look her way, his green eyes slicing into mine. He leaned forward, resting his hands on either side of my head on the back of the couch, his face inches from mine.

"Miss me?" He asked with his crooked grin. I nodded, placing my hand at the back of his neck and pulling him down to me. I brushed my lips against his softly.

"Yes." I answered pulling back. He smirked at me before slumping himself down on the couch beside me.

"See? It's broken! Edward, I can't believe you'd do that!" Alice shook her head in anger.

"That's ok, just wrap it in a cast… it adds character." Edward mumbled, laying his head on the back of the couch and closing his eyes. I laid my head onto his shoulder and snuggled up to him, reveling in the warmth of his body against mine. It's been almost 2 weeks since that afternoon in his bedroom where I let him touch me. To be honest, I was freaking out initially, my lack of self confidence kicking in. I've never been topless in front of the opposite sex before… except for Jake but that was when we were kids so it doesn't count. But despite my nerves, he made me feel comfortable and most importantly beautiful. He didn't look at me with judgmental eyes… he looked at me with pure desire and want and I think that was the first time I had ever felt any sort of beautiful toward myself. I'm still a little apprehensive every time my top gets removed but one look into his eyes and my doubts disintegrate. He has a way of looking at me that makes me feel sexy, his eyes grow dark, they glaze over and it sends a shiver down my spine every single time. I'm still slightly self conscious and that is something that won't just magically disappear, I know that and he knows that. We haven't explored further into our sexual relationship and I know he is going slow for my sake, worried that he may push me into something I may not be ready for. But the pace is good for me, I don't want to rush into anything, but despite that being said, I am finding it harder and harder each time I'm intimate with him to hold myself back, to stick to the boundaries. The way my body reacts to his every touch and caress is completely out of my control, so coherent thought in the heat of the moment is almost impossible. But one thing I do know is that I'm ready for more.

I served my two mornings of detention last week with no complaints. It wasn't all too bad, Edward was nice enough to pick me up forty five minutes earlier than usual so I could do my detention. He would spend that time in his car waiting for me to finish. I assured him he didn't have to do it, especially since he wasn't really a morning person but he insisted and I was so grateful for that. He'd go and purchase coffee for us while he waited so when I finished I'd have one waiting for me in his car. He wasn't at school Thursday and Friday due to his two day suspension and I have to admit it was hard on me not having him there at school. I hadn't realized just how attached I had grown to him over the course of two months. Biology was boring as hell without him next to me and lunch just wasn't the same. The only person who seemed pleased with the outcome was Jacob who took those two days to stick by me every chance he got. It was nice seeing him act his normal self but depressing at the same time to think Edward's presence had such an effect on him. I still went to Edward's place after school on those two days and on both days I found him asleep in his room. Emmett would leave school with me so he would open up for me as I'd rush up the stairs to Edward's room, throw my book bag onto the floor and crawl into bed beside him. He would always be in just his boxers sleeping on top of the covers on his stomach, the tattoo on his back clearly visible to me, making him look totally and utterly sexy.

Lauren looks my way and even shoved past me last week as I was making my way to class. She hasn't said anything to me and I know she won't dare to after Edward threatened her that day in the cafeteria. But she knows shoves here and there we can't do much about them. Yesterday, on my way to math I saw her approaching me, looking everywhere but at me like she normally does, I was expecting the shove, its become a given. But this time I wasn't putting up with it. As soon as her shoulder was mere inches from mine, ready for the push, I threw my hand out and hit the books she had clutched in her hand, causing them to tumble to the floor around her feet. She called me a bitch, catching her completely off guard but I just kept walking like nothing happened. I was in the best mood for the rest of the day.

"That was the worst shopping trip ever. I seriously have no patience for this shit." Edward said, snapping me back into the present.

"She's finished now, I think. But then again with Alice you never know."

"Alright, everything is done, come on girls, let's go get ready!" She squealed.

"Help me." I said grabbing Edward's arm and burying my face into it. "I'm about to be tortured." He chuckled at my expense, giving my temple a light kiss. Before I knew it, I felt Alice's hand grabbing onto my arm and pulling me up.

"Oh come on, I promise I won't go over board." She said. I knew there was no use trying to escape her so I reluctantly got up and followed her upstairs to Rose's room.

"Ok, ready to see yours Rose?" Alice said barely able to contain her excitement.

"Go ahead." Rose said sitting down on the edge of her bed. Alice pranced over to the three garment bags she had laid out on the bed. She slowly unzipped one and pulled out what looked like a camouflage tube dress.

"Flirty soldier!" Alice said with a grin. Rosalie's smile grew wide as she stood up and took the dress from Alice.

"This is perfect! I love it." Rosalie said turning the dress to have a look at it at all angles.

"I knew you would. Now for Bella." Alice said walking back over to the garment bags to unzip the next one.

"You're a prisoner." Alice laughed. I eyed the halter dress she held up, it looked short but not as short as Rose's thankfully. It was striped black and white in thick stripes along the width of it with a 7 digit number which I assume was supposed to be my prison number printed across the torso on a white strip. I actually liked it.

"It's not too bad." I said with a relieved smile, taking the dress from her.

"Since when have I ever disappointed you?" Alice challenged. I rolled my eyes and walked back over to the bed to sit down.

Alice proceeded to pull out her costume which ended up being a Navy soldier costume. Once that was done Alice got working on my make up while Rosalie did her own hair. She kept it simple with my makeup, mascara, a bit of blush and lip gloss. I wasn't big on make up. Once that was done, Rosalie took over to do my hair for me while Alice did her own make up.

"So I see things between you and Edward are going well?" Rosalie asked as she separated a lock of my hair and wrapped it around the curling iron.

"Yes they are… he is different when it's just the two of us. He has a really soft side you know." I explained, watching Rosalie's reaction in her reflection in the mirror in front of me.

"I find it hard to believe but I do believe you… it's just that he can be a real prick you know?" Rosalie said with a shake of her head.

"I think he is really sweet." Alice said, making my head snap in her direction.

"Hey! Watch it chica, you could've burnt yourself." Rosalie scolded me. I turned my face back to the mirror.

"Why do you think that?" I asked Alice, really curious as to how she manages to see the side no body else does. But that was Alice, she always saw the good in someone despite all their bad qualities. She shrugged.

"I don't know. I just know it's all an exterior he puts on to protect himself. He must have been burned hard from his past and tries to avoid any heartache he can. Not to mention the way he looks at you." Alice said smirking at me.

"Like what way?" I asked, eager to know because I found Edward hard to read when it came to our relationship. I knew he cared deeply for me, his actions spoke louder than words in our case but he rarely expressed any sort of feelings in the form of words.

"Like you're the only thing he cares for. He seems to be oblivious to everything around him when you're next to him. It's not really something I can explain but I know it's there." She said as she began applying some red lipstick to her lips.

"So… have you done anything besides kiss him?" Rose asked with a smirk as she curled the last lock of my hair.

"I'm not telling." I said but despite what I said I could feel my cheeks blazing.

"She is blushing! Come on, we need details." Alice said grinning.

"Can we not do this? Please." I said hoping they would drop it.

"Come on sweetie, you're inexperienced when it comes to this sort of thing, let the pros help out a little." Rose offered. I stared at her reflection as I began chewing my lip.

"Well, he's touched me… here." I said gesturing with my hands around my chest. Rosalie cracked up laughing, most likely at my embarrassment as Alice walked up to me, leaning against the dressing table in front of me.

"Mouth?" She asked.

"Mouth what?" I asked confused.

"Has he just touched you up there or has his mouth explored that area too?" She asked.

"His mouth has." I murmured.

"What else?" Rosalie asked, putting the curling iron down and grabbing a hair pin to clip back my bangs.

"Nothing, that's it."

"Really? We're talking about the same Edward Cullen here?" Rosalie asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"He isn't a prick. He is very respectful." I said glaring at her.

"Oh, Bella what are you waiting for? Come on, you need to experience an 'O'. Geez, I can't believe you still don't know what one feels like." Rose said with a shake of her head.

"Ok, are you done with the hair?" I asked standing up from my chair and over the conversation being focused on my sex life, or lack there of.

"You're done." Rosalie scowled at me. I looked at my reflection, loving my hair. It was done in big waves with my bangs clipped back away from my face. Alice took my place on the seat so Rosalie could do her hair. Because it was short it didn't take long. Rosalie just straightened it out so her spiky hair was tamed. It softened her face. Rosalie then did her own make up while Alice and I got dressed. I helped Alice dress. Her outfit was a short sleeved, collared white button up dress. It reached a few inches above the knee with a white belt around the waist. It had a navy crest on one side of the bust which added to the look. She popped on the white navy hat onto her head completing her look and making her look so cute and sexy. After slipping into some silver high heels she helped me into mine.

Mine was a little longer than hers, resting about two inches above my knee. It was snug but not tight and fit perfectly. It also came with a black and white striped hat that I put on. I looked at myself in the mirror quite happy with how I looked. Alice pranced over to her closet and pulled out some black high heels. I looked at her and shook my head.

"No chance in hell, Alice. Tonight I'm wearing my chucks because one, they match because they're black and white and two, I want to be comfortable. You can nag all you want but I'm not wearing those." I said nodding at the high heels in her hands. She glared at me and I knew she was dying to argue with me but before she could I walked over to my overnight bag and pulled out my high top converse chucks. I pulled them on and smiled to myself.

Every year, the night of the Halloween party, Alice and I sleep over at Rose's house, so I had brought over my overnight bag with everything in it.

Alice and I sat back on the bed and waited for Rose to finish her make up. Once she was done, she slipped on her strapless short and tight camouflage dress. It had a few badges on it. She pinned the hat to her hair and matched her outfit with some black ankle boots. She looked like a stunner.

"Alright, let's go see how the boys look!" Alice clapped as we made our way downstairs. She still hadn't told us the guy's outfits as she wanted us to see them wearing them. We headed down the stairs, the music of '_Flo Rida's, Right Round_' blaring from the speakers. We made our way into the kitchen, all the lights in the house switched off, leaving the only source of light coming from the jack-o-laterns placed around the house and few fairy lights Alice had hung around the place also.

We rounded the corner into the kitchen to find the boys doing tequila shots.

"Holy Fucking shit! I've died and gone to heaven." Emmett said as his eyes found Rosalie. I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I saw Emmett in his outfit. He had a high collared camouflage vest on, matching Rosalie's outfit paired with some black khaki pants and boots. He had a camouflage cap on too.

Rosalie rushed over to him, throwing her arms around his neck. My eyes went to Jasper next who wore a navy blue Sailors Costume, matched with a white sailor's hat.

"Looking good Bella." He said smiling at me before his eyes found Alice. He put his shot glass down and walked over to her.

"You're fucking kidding me right?" Edward whispered into my ear. I hadn't even noticed him move but he was suddenly behind me.

"W-what?" I asked, cursing my stuttered voice. His warm breath ghosting along my neck had that affect on me.

"You look sexy as hell." He murmured, grazing his nose along the length of my neck. I turned around, wanting to see the look of desire in his dark jade eyes that always appeared when he spoke like that. His hands found my hips bringing me to him as my arms locked around his neck. He brought his lips to mine, kissing me softly and passionately. I laced my fingers into his hair, pulling him down to me to deepen the kiss. He eventually pulled back, his eyes smoldering.

"I have the power to arrest you if you're a naughty girl." He smirked. I pulled back enough to take in his outfit and found that he was a police officer. Black slacks, black button up top short sleeved top, with 'POLICE' written on side of his chest and a police badge on the other side. He had some hand cuffs hanging off the side of his pants from his belt. "It had an officer's cap with it but there was no way in fuck I was wearing that shit." He said shaking his head.

"I think you look sexy." I said tightening my grip around his neck.

"Ditto." He said smirking at me.

"Someone's here!" Alice squealed pulling Jasper by the hand to answer the door.

Everyone started filtering in, the house filling quickly, costumes varying diversely, from bunnies to zombies to pirates. Before we knew it, the house was pumping with music, alcohol and people dancing. Edward pulled me to the yard for a cigarette and away from the crowd. We stood on the patio as he lit one up, exhaling slowly.

"I take it you're a bad cop." I said smirking.

"Fuck yes." He laughed. He took another drag before turning to face me, "Can you try one thing for me?" He asked, unleashing his crooked smile on me that he knew could get him anything he wanted. I nodded. He held his cigarette out to me, inviting me to take a drag. "You don't understand how sexy you looked that night in First Beach taking a drag from my cigarette, minus the coughing bit." He said with a chuckle.

"Ok." I agreed hesitantly, taking it from him. I brought it to my lips, taking a little drag, swallowing it and allowing it to travel down my throat before blowing it out and surprisingly I didn't cough. He grinned at me. He laced one hand around my waist pulling me to him so that I was against his chest.

"Now give me a drag." He said softly, locking his eyes with mine. His eyes were such a deep emerald green tonight, greener than usual that I couldn't tear my gaze away from him. I turned the cigarette around in my fingers and brought it to his lips, getting hypnotized by the way his lips sucked on the cigarette, taking in a deep drag, holding it in his lungs for a while before blowing out to his side. "Take another one." He said, his voice low and husky. I could feel his erection against my stomach and it was turning me on. I took another drag, our eyes locked the entire time but before I could blow out he smashed his lips to mine, sucking the smoke out of my mouth, brushing his tongue against my lips before pulling away to blow it out for me. I butted out his cigarette in a near by ash tray, before letting him push me backwards till I was against the wall.

"Do you know how fucking hot you look tonight?" He asked, gazing into my eyes. My mouth parted as the look in his eyes and his body pressed up against mine had me breathing shallow breaths. He leaned down, kissing me softly, his lips moving against mine perfectly. I deepened the kiss, moaning when our tongues came into contact.

"Yo, you two, stop isolating yourselves from the party."

Edward reluctantly pulled away from me, both of us turning to find Emmett smirking at us.

"Fuck off." Edward retorted letting me go grudgingly and then running a hand through his hair.

"Get your asses inside." Emmett said before he disappeared back inside.

"Need a breather, beat me inside." Edward said. I glanced down at the obvious bulge in his pants and nodded with a smirk.

"Ok." I said with a giggle before I headed inside. I was surprised to find the place absolutely pumping and crowded. Looks like everyone had arrived.

I saw Lauren grinding against Tyler in the middle of the lounge to '_Timbaland_ and _Keri Hilson, The way I are'_. He was dressed as what looked like Zorro but had the mask pulled up resting on his forehead. Lauren was a fairy or angel of some sort, dressed in some black fish nets, black tutu, black corset with black wings. I hurried past them, not wanting to be noticed only to run into someone. I slammed into a hard chest and when I looked up and saw the height of this person with the big white toothy grin, I knew it was none other than Jake.

"Jake!"

"That's me!" He grinned. He was dressed as a pirate, with a patch over one eye and a drawn on moustache.

"Looking good." I laughed taking in his costume.

"I could say the same to you." He said as his eyes raked over my outfit. I took an uncomfortable breath, his gaze making me uneasy before I saw Seth approaching, dressed as a vampire, in a long black coat, with vampire fangs.

"Hey Bella!" He said, his words slightly muffled by the fangs.

"Seth… I see you're a blood sucker tonight." I laughed.

"Sure am… and prisoner right?" He said pointing to my dress. I nodded. "Who arrested you?" He joked.

"Me." Edward said suddenly appearing beside me. Seth smiled at Edward, mumbling a 'oh hey' while Jake just looked pissed but said nothing. Edward's hand came around my waist pulling me against his side almost possessively.

"Looking good Jake." Edward said smirking at him.

"Wish I could say the same to you." Jake bit back. I slipped my hand into Edwards and began to pull him away.

"I need a drink." I lied. Well, it wasn't a total lie because I actually did suddenly need one as I tried to pull Edward away from Jake before things could get serious between them. I didn't want them to ruin my night or theirs for that matter.

"Fucking prick." Edward muttered as I pulled him to the kitchen. Edward pulled a beer out of the bucket of drinks sitting in ice and twisted the cap off, taking a long swig before placing it on the bench. "What do you want to drink?" He asked me.

"Anything… beer is ok I guess." He nodded, pulling another out and opening it up for me. I took a long swig before leaning against the counter while Edward stood in front of me. He kept staring at me with his crooked smile in place. He looked so incredibly sexy tonight, the black of his shirt making his skin glow white and his green eyes standing out even more. His hair was its usual mess, strands pointing out wildly in different directions. "What?" I asked as his eyes continued to rake over my body.

"I've never seen you in a dress or a skirt before." He said, his eyes darkening. I self consciously pulled my dress down lower to cover more of my legs as I adjusted my footing uncomfortably. His eyes narrowed at me before he leaned forward, placing his beer on the bench behind me and taking mine out of my hands and placing it beside his. His hand came over mine and pried it away from my dress. "I'm sorry." He apologized, searching my eyes.

"For what?"

"I keep forgetting… I mean, I don't mean to keep fucking ogling you like a piece of meat and making you feel self conscious about yourself but understand that I'm only staring because I can't tear my eyes away from you." He explained softly, his eyes piercing into mine. His face was so close to mine, I could feel his warm breath ghosting across my face. I sucked in a ragged breath at his comment, I could feel the sincerity in every word and it baffled me. He leaned in till his lips were at my ear.

"You have very sexy legs… I want to see them more often." He whispered. I dipped my fingers into the top of his pants and roughly pulled him against me. His voice, his words, his breath were all sending a shiver to erupt through me. I could feel my panties dampen just from his words. I've never been made to feel so beautiful. His hands found my hips, holding onto them tightly, his long fingers digging into my flesh. "You don't know what you fucking do to me." He breathed into my ear. I bit my lip to stop a moan from escaping. '_Franz Fernidad's Take me Out_' began to play and we could hear everyone outside laughing and talking as they enjoyed the party but Edward and I seemed to have separated ourselves into our own little world in the kitchen, completely oblivious to everything else happening around us.

"I want you so bad… I wish we were in my room right now, just you and me, on my bed, with your hair splayed out on my pillow… topless." I pressed my legs together to help the ache that seemed to have formed between my legs. He started grazing his nose along my neck, his ragged breathing tickling my neck.

Someone's laughter bursting into the kitchen made us both jump and turn around. James stumbled in with Paul in tow, they both looked obviously drunk.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck have we walked into here?" James slurred, clutching the bench beside him for support.

"Let's go." Edward said grabbing my hand and pulling me past them to walk outside.

"Looking sexy there Bella." Paul whistled. Edward froze and spun around, his nose flaring and jaw clenched at Paul.

"Watch it!" Edward snapped angrily.

"Hey, let's go." I said clutching his arm and trying to pull him toward the lounge. I knew it wouldn't take much for Edward to throw a punch so I was hoping he would listen to me and just drop it before things got out of hand. He took a deep breath before relenting and letting me drag him outside. He raked a hand through his hair as he ushered us to where Alice and Jasper were sitting on the one of the couches. Their lounge room was huge, my lounge room at home could fit in theirs three times over. It allowed people to dance and maneuver around easily in the large open space.

"You guys are looking cute in your outfits." I said smiling at Alice and Jasper as Edward and I took a seat on couch beside them.

"Jasper looks gay." Edward laughed.

"Fuck you! I run the ocean baby… you're restricted to land." Jasper laughed. Edward flipped him the bird rolling his eyes before slumping himself back against the couch. I scanned the crowd, watching everyone dance to _'Jet's, She's a Genius'_. People were going off. I could just make out Emmett and Rosalie talking to Marcus who was dressed as what looked like a gladiator. Edward and Jasper eventually got up, walking over to Emmett whispering a few things to him before dragging him away. Rosalie made her way through the crowd and sat down beside me.

"Have you seen what Kate's wearing?" She yelled over the music. Alice and I shook our heads. "French maid outfit… really tiny one." Rosalie said, poking her finger into her mouth as if she was going to gag.

Jake and Seth walked over to us and sat down, each had a beer in their hand.

"Having fun ladies?" Jake asked as he took a long swig of his beer. We all nodded. "Hey, how come Lauren is fucking here?" Jake asked Rose angrily.

"I didn't invite her but this party is almost like word of mouth. We do it every year and despite the fact I told Tyler not to bring her, he still did. Anyway Edward wanted her here." Rosalie explained.

"Edward?" Jake asked looking confused and pissed. I mirrored the same expression.

"Yep, apparently some sort of payback is in check." Rosalie shrugged.

"Hang on," I interrupted, holding up my hands, "Who told you that?" I asked with confusion.

"Emmett. He said Edward has something planned for Lauren tonight. Don't worry about it, they have everything under control." Rosalie assured me. I nodded in understanding but couldn't help but feel a little anxious of what he may have planned for her. He hadn't mentioned anything to me.

We all sat and hung out with each other. Jake and Seth were quite tipsy and cracking jokes and making fun of each other. The boys finally came back about forty minutes later, making their way over to us casually. Edward sat down beside me, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into his side. Jake was watching me with more of a sad expression then an angry one. It was making me uncomfortable so I kept smiling at him, trying to make him smile back. He did but it never reached his eyes.

"Where did you go?" I whispered into Edward's ear. I watched as one side of his lips curled up slightly into a smirk.

"You'll find out soon enough." He said still smirking. I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously.

"Tell me now… please?" I pleaded, pouting and trying my best to affect him with what I hoped was my puppy dog face. He grinned as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, he went to his photos and glanced around us briefly, almost to make sure no one was paying us any attention before clicking on a picture and turning his phone toward me so I could get a closer look. My eyes locked on the picture, first in confusion, then in recognition, to shock and then undeniable satisfaction. I turned to Edward who was grinning proudly before I gave him a soft lingering kiss.

"You're evil." I said with a grin as I pulled back slightly. He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Completely." He agreed. He closed his gallery before tucking his phone away into his pant's pocket like nothing happened.

I started thinking about how he'd actually achieved what he just showed me but knew it wasn't the right time to ask questions. After a few moments of mulling it all out in my brain, my curiousness got the better of me, "Is she ok? How did-" I was cut off when Edward gave a me 'not now' stare with a shake of his head. I nodded in understanding and knew I would just have to wait.

Emmett and Rosalie got up to dance when _'The Killers, Mr. Brightside'_ came on. Alice and Jasper soon followed leaving Edward and me with Jake and Seth. I watched with amusement as Jasper and Alice danced together, completely lost in each other as if no one else existed around them.

"I'm just going to get another beer, would you like one?" Edward asked. I shook my head. He placed a quick kiss on my lips before he got up to grab a beer. Edward eventually came back, beer in hand, maneuvering his way through the dancing crowd back over to me. His bottle was already half empty. He slumped himself beside me, offering me a drink but I declined.

When the _'Kings of Leon, Use Somebody'_ began to play I laid my head on Edward's shoulder and closed my eyes. I usually liked to sit back and get lost in their music.

"Can I have that dance you promised me?" Edward whispered into my ear. I lifted my head up from his shoulder and bit my lip. I hated dancing and he knew it but I had promised him and surprisingly a part of me wanted to dance with him. I nodded with a smile which earned me a wide smile from him. He stood up, downing the rest of his beer and placing it on the coffee table in front of him before turning to grab my hand and pulling me up. He dragged me through the crowd, finding a little break where he stopped and pulled me against his chest. His hands gripped my hips, moving them against his in sync to the music. I looked up into his dark eyes that were piercing into mine. I trailed my hands up his chest and around his neck, locking them there as we moved lazily against one another. His face was focused on mine, in deep thought before he leaned down and brought his lips to mine. He kissed me passionately; his lips nipping against mine with so much tenderness it took my breath away. He pulled away, grabbing one of my hands that was behind his neck and spun me around till my back was against his chest. He swiped my hair over one shoulder leaving one side bare for him. He leaned down and grazed his nose along my neck, around my ear and back down. My eyes fluttered closed at the sensations as I placed my hand over his that was grasping onto my hip. I linked my fingers into his and raised my other hand to grab the back of his neck. He pressed my backside into his hardened length causing me to whimper and him to hiss into my ear.

"Someone like you and all you know and how you speak. Countless lovers under the cover of the street. You know that I could use somebody." He sang into my ear. He'd mentioned to me before that he could sing so it shouldn't have been a surprise to me, but the sound of his voice in my ear completely had my heart stuttering a few beats in shock. His voice was deep, throaty and completely sexy. It sounded like liquid sex. I had to bite back a moan as he continued to sing the words into my ear, there was nothing sexier than a guy who could sing, especially with a voice like his.

"Your voice." I murmured in awe. I didn't expect him to hear me but he did.

"What about it?" He whispered into my ear. I couldn't answer because he nipped at my ear causing me to throw my head back against his chest, allowing him better access and inviting him to keep going. I was about to melt into a puddle at his feet if he kept up what he was doing. I eventually lifted my head forward unable to handle anymore and spun myself around so that I was facing him again. He smiled crookedly at me, knowing entirely the affect he possessed over me and my body.

"Come home with me… you don't have to stay here you know." He said, his eyes pleading with me to agree. I didn't have to think about it before I nodded and answered 'yes'. He grinned at me, pulling me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me tightly.

'_All American Rejects, I Wanna'_, started playing and the atmosphere on the dance floor that had been subdued due to the Kings of Leon was now pumping again.

_I never thought that I was so blind,_

_I can finally see the truth_

_It's me for you_

_Tonight you can't imagine that I'm by your side_

'_cause its never gonna be the truth_

_So far for you_

_But can you hear me say_

_Don't throw me away_

_There's no way out_

Emmett approached us, towing Rosalie behind him with Jasper and Alice following close behind. Emmett was already moving to the music, flailing his big arms and bopping his head.

"Come here Bella bear!" He said grabbing my arm and pulling me to him and away from Edward. He laced both his hands with mine and forced me to move with him in time to the music. I couldn't help but laugh as he got right into it and before I knew it, Jasper was joining in, dancing against me from behind. There was nothing sexual about it which was what kept me comfortable and I trusted the both of them, especially since they were both dating my two best friends.

Emmett walked around me till he was standing behind Jasper, he gripped Jasper's hips and began dancing with him as he sang to him. "I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you, you wanna touch me too. Every day but all I have is time, our love's the perfect crime." Jasper cracked up laughing as he tried to free himself away from Emmett who was trying to sing over his laughter. I grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him to me and away from Emmett. He pouted at the both of us before he spotted Rosalie and sauntered over to her, no doubt his next victim on the makeshift dance floor. Jasper and I continued to dance together, goofing and mucking around with each other. After two songs, I began scanning the room for Edward while I continued to dance with Jasper but I couldn't spot him anywhere.

"He's gone with Alice." Jasper shouted to me over the music. I nodded to show I heard him and then continued to dance with him, allowing him to guide my movements to the music.

Just as '_Timbaland, Morning After Dark_' began to play I spotted Angela and Ben dancing just a few people away from me. I waved at them when they looked my way which made them both head over to me. Jasper let me go as I met them halfway. Angela was dressed as a cow girl while Ben was the cow boy.

"I saw Edward dressed as a cop and now I can see who he plans on arresting." Ben laughed as he gave me a little hug.

"Very funny." I said rolling my eyes. "Now you shoo and leave Angela with me." I said to him pushing him away by his chest. He lifted his hands in surrender before walking off, winking at Angela before he did.

"Someone's looking hot." Angela said nudging me.

"Eh." I mumbled shrugging my shoulders.

We started dancing together and after the first song finished I was anxious to get back to Edward. Angela sensed me looking around impatiently so she offered we go sit back down. I couldn't have been happier to sit back down as I had done more than enough dancing for a lifetime. We walked over to the couches where Alice was sitting chatting with Mike and Eric. Angela and I sat down on the couch opposite them, completely exhausted. The room was pumping, people grinding and dancing erotically against each other, parts of costumes coming off as the night dragged on. My eye caught Edward standing on the other side of the lounge, beer in hand with Kate, in her tiny French maid outfit, pressing him up against the wall. I could see the irritation on his face as his lips moved, saying something to her. She shook her head as her hands travelled up his chest, around his neck and locking them there. A deep surge of jealousy washed over me from my heart and settling into the pit of my stomach as I watched another girl touch Edward. He grabbed her hands shoving her away and mumbling something under his breath as he walked away and toward where I was sitting. I quickly looked away, partly relieved that he had deflected her quickly but pissed that even though Kate knew he was now with me she still had the nerve to hit on him. I really shouldn't have been surprised, knowing Kate all too well.

"Want to get out of here?" Edward asked once he was in front of me. I opened to my mouth to answer him but it wasn't until then he noticed Angela sitting beside me.

"Hey." He mumbled looking at her briefly before looking back at me and awaiting my answer.

"Sure." I answered standing up. Just as I came to hug Angela goodbye , I heard a few gasps before a loud 'Oh my God, what happened?!' Came from somewhere in the crowd. Everyone seemed to slow their dancing as their attention focused on something or rather, someone, to the left of the room. Edward suddenly burst into laughter, trying but failing to cover it up with a cough. I narrowed my eyes at him as understanding settled in and I realized this was what he was talking about earlier when he said 'you'll find out soon enough'. I got impatient and pushed my way through the crowd, Edward and Angela close behind me as I made my way to see what the commotion was about. As I got closer, I could hear a few people speaking frantically over the pounding of the music. What came into view shouldn't have shocked me since I'd seen the picture on Edward's phone but it did. My hand flew to my mouth as I stared wide eyed at Lauren Mallory, just as Jessica Stanley shrieked "What in the hell happened to your eyebrows?!" Lauren's eyes grew wide like saucers before her hands flew up to where her eyebrows 'should' have been, only to find bare skin. She gasped in horror before fleeing from the room like she had a fire cracker up her ass, Jessica right on her tail. I turned to Edward who now had Jasper by his side, the both of them in a fit of laughter as they clutched onto each other to stop themselves from toppling over from the intensity of their snickers. I turned to Angela's confused but amused expression.

"How did-" she began to ask before I cut her off, shaking my head.

"Don't even ask." I said before bursting into laughter myself, from both amusement and revengeful satisfaction. Laughter and murmurs continued in the crowd as everyone discussed and speculated just how Lauren's eyebrows had gone missing. I felt a strong pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist, and a warm pair of lips at my ear.

"Ready to leave beautiful?" Edward whispered into my ear. I nodded as I turned myself in his arms, looking up into his eyes, my heart swelling with love for him even more than I thought possible.

"That was genius. Thank you for doing that." I expressed my thanks as I stared into his bright green eyes.

"What goes around comes around. She had it coming. Now she can look in the fucking mirror and see exactly what ugly is." He smirked. "Now, let's go. I need you all to myself."

I hugged Angela good bye, who was just trying to explain to Ben what had actually happened since he was outside and missed the whole thing. He looked pleasantly surprised. Very few people had any sort of respect for Lauren. I turned to Alice to inform her that I was leaving and going to stay at Edward's place.

"Be safe, use protection and make sure he goes slow." She whispered into my ear as she hugged me. I pulled back rolling my eyes at her. I knew she wouldn't mind that I was leaving because she would most likely be spending the night in Jasper's room rather than Rosalie's. Any way, something told me Emmett was going to be staying the night with Rosalie in her room too since her parents were out of town.

Once I was done, I walked with Edward to go find Emmett and Rosalie to inform them we were leaving but we couldn't find them anywhere.

"They're probably upstairs." He said into my ear. I spotted Jake in the kitchen talking with Paul and Seth and I knew I had to go say goodbye to him before I left.

"Can I meet you in the car? Just give me a few minutes ok?" I asked Edward. He nodded his head, leaning down and kissing my forehead before he let go of my hand and headed for the door. I took a deep breath and made my way to the kitchen and at first glance I could tell Jake was wasted. So was Paul but he had been wasted from the beginning of the party.

"BELLAAAAA!" Jake sang dancing his way over to me and lifting me up into a bear crushing hug. I could feel my dress riding up in the back as he lifted me up and I tried to quickly grab it to keep me covered. He let me back down, leaning down and kissing the top of my head. He raised his hand and cupped my cheek, his eyes burning into mine. I took a step back as I could feel him getting a little too comfortable.

"I'm leaving so I just came to say bye." I said waving and walking backwards.

"Already? The party has just started." Seth said taking a wobbly step forward.

"I've had enough for one night." I said, taking another step back. "So, bye guys, have fun."

"She is going to spend the night with the bronzed haired pretty boy… what's his name again?" Paul slurred, his eyes trying to focus on me.

"Edward." I said.

"Wait! What?!" Jacob said shaking his head in confusion. "Your spending the night where?" He asked glaring at me.

"Oops." Paul snickered realizing he was right even though he was just saying it as a joke.

"Seth." I said pointedly realizing he was most sober out of the three of them. He nodded in understanding, stepping in front of Jake and holding him back by his shoulders as his eyes bore into mine, hurt swimming blatantly behind the anger façade he was trying to put on.

"Have a good night Jake. See you Monday." I said quickly turning on my heel and rushing out the door. As I was I pushing my way through everyone, Kate stepped in front of me.

"Can I help you?" I spat. Images of her all over Edward were still clear in my mind.

"Where are you going?" She said eyeing me down.

"None of your business." I said side stepping her and hurrying to the front door. I managed to make it out and it was quite cool, the cold air hitting me hard against my flushed body. I wrapped my arms around my torso and scanned the street for Edward and his car. I found him across the street, a few cars down, leaning against his Beemer as he smoked a cigarette, his long legs stretched out in front of him. I smiled at him as I hurriedly made my way over to him. As soon as I got to him I remembered my bag.

"Shit, I forgot my bag in Rose's room." I said hitting my forehead.

"It's in the car. Alice told me where it was and I grabbed it while you were with Angela."

"Oh ok, thanks." I said snaking my arms around him and snuggling up to his warm chest. He wrapped one arm around me as he finished his cigarette and flicked it to the ground.

"Come on, let's get going." He said pushing us off the car. I walked over to my side, my arms wrapped around me and climbed in, removing my hat as soon as I settled in. Edward got in, turning the ignition and switching the heat on.

"You should have bought a jacket." He said pulling out of the space and gunning it down the street.

"I didn't think I would be leaving tonight…" I said drifting off. "You know I'd be practically murdered if mum or Phil found out." I said.

"Ah yes, because I might take advantage of you. Their little girl spending the night with a boy." Edward chuckled. "I'll take care of you." He said, placing his hand on my bare knee. As soon as it made contact, I felt my body awaken in fire. I looked down at his hand, his long slender fingers gripping my knee lightly as he rubbed lazy circles with his thumb. I tried not to focus on it because I was starting to get turned on knowing he was only mere inches away from my where I wanted him most, not to mention the thin piece of cotton of my panties being the only barrier.

I swallowed thickly, and looked out the window trying to focus on what little I could see from the scenery outside because I knew if I looked at Edward I would lose it. He began rubbing my knee, his hand moving up and down slowly, reaching the hem of my dress before gliding back down toward my knee. It was slow and torturous which it only made it worse. I threw my head back and gripped the seat on either side of me trying not to make it obvious that this simple and innocent gesture from him was driving me crazy.

"You ok? You seem anxious?" He asked smirking at me. The look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I narrowed my eyes at him trying to not to smile as he chuckled and removed his hand.

We eventually arrived at his house and I noticed Carlisle's Mercedes was not in the drive way.

"He's at work. Night shift." Edward mentioned obviously realizing I noticed. We made our way to the front door and headed inside with my bag over my shoulder. Edward grabbed two water bottles from the fridge handing them to me and then poured us two glasses of coke before we headed upstairs to his room. He locked the door behind us placing our drinks on the table. He unbuttoned his top, ripping it off and throwing onto the floor. I've seen him topless numerous times before over the last two weeks but I still can't seem to get used to how perfect and chiseled his body is, not to mention his two tattoos. He opened up the water bottles, handing one to me which I took a little sip from before replacing the cap.

I walked over to his stereo and found his iPod already plugged in. I switched it on leaving it on shuffle. I turned around to find Edward lighting a cigarette.

"I thought you're not allowed to smoke in here." I said walking over to him.

"I'm not but I really felt like one and he won't be back till like 8am or some shit. With the window open the smell would have gone by then." He shrugged. I watched as he looked around for somewhere to ash, obviously forgetting he wasn't outside to just ash wherever he pleased. I scanned his room quickly, looking for something to use. I grabbed a blank piece of paper from his desk and tried to shape it like a bowl. He ashed into it, smirking at me.

"Thanks." He said. I walked back over to him, loving the sight of him topless and in just his black slacks, hanging real low on his hips, his brownish happy trail disappearing into the hem of his pants. I leaned up and kissed his jaw softly, allowing my fingers to caress his chest lightly. He brought the cigarette to my lips and I took a little drag, watching his eyes darken as they fixated on my lips. I blew the smoke out as he took one last drag and then put out the cigarette in my little homemade ash tray. His hands cupped my face as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. My hands wrapped themselves around his neck, brushing my tongue along his lip, my body still aching for him from when he touched me in the car. He moaned into my mouth as his tongue made contact with mine, caressing it against mine as I opened up wider for him. Before I knew it we were kissing fervently and eagerly as his hands found residence on my ass, squeezing and massaging. He lifted me up allowing me to wrap my legs around him and then carried me over to the bed and laid me down on my back, his lips not leaving mine. I laced my fingers in his hair, pulling him deeper into my mouth as I wrapped my legs around him, causing his straining erection to align with my core as my dress rode up. I whimpered into his mouth at the feeling and without thinking twice I bucked my hips to press myself against him again. He pulled away from my mouth, growling as he trailed hot and wet kisses down my neck.

"Fuck." He grunted as he began thrusting against me, the feeling was incredibly intense as there was nothing but the thin cotton of my panties separating me from his thrusts. "How in the fuck does this come off?" He breathed as he tried to kiss past the halter of my dress. I reached up behind my neck and unclipped the dress, releasing it. Without wasting time he tugged it down past my bra and then pulled my bra cup down and attached his mouth to my nipple and sucked on it. I arched my back against him, desperately wanting more.

"Please don't stop." I begged breathlessly, wanting him to do whatever he pleased to me.

As he sucked and flicked his tongue against the puckered nipple his free hand went to my back and unclasped my bra. I don't know how he managed to do it with one hand so easily and quickly but I chose not to think too much about it. He pulled back long enough to remove my bra completely, tossing it carelessly to other side of his room before bringing his lips back to mine in a searing kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him down against me, wanting and needing that friction.

"Shit." I moaned as I shamelessly rubbed myself against him.

I kept moaning and whimpering whenever his mouth attached to any part of my skin. Both of us were breathing raggedly, kissing any part of each other that our mouths came into contact with.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered into my ear. I nodded straight away, having no doubt in my mind about my trust for him.

"I trust you… just please." I don't know what I was asking or pleading for but I knew it was for some way to help me out of the torturous pleasure I was being consumed by. It wasn't enough, I needed friction, I needed something. He pulled me up till I was sitting and tried to tug my dress off.

"Zipper." I panted turning around so he could unzip me. He tugged it down roughly releasing me from it and then reached for the hem of it and tried to pull it over my head again but with success this time. I was left in nothing but my panties, the least I have been around him ever and surprisingly I didn't feel self conscious because he was the one and only person that made me feel truly beautiful.

"Fuck, you're perfect." He whispered huskily. His eyes raked over me with burning lust, his eyes black as onyx before he crashed his lips back to mine, pushing me back till I was on my back again. His hands moved all over me, finding their spot on my breasts, pinching a bud between his thumb and forefinger and tugging it gently.

"Shit, Edward." I panted.

"What is it, baby?" He asked breathlessly, his lips moving to my ear, flicking my lobe with his tongue before he sucked on it. Not knowing how to answer him, I wrapped my legs around his waist again and pulled him down against my aching core causing me to whimper in pleasure as he groaned loudly. He moved his lips to my neck, licking and sucking as he moved a hand down my chest, past my navel and to the hem of the panties.

"Can I?" He asked, letting his fingers move along the hem. I was nervous about what he was going to do but the need to feel something down there overrode my nervousness completely. I nodded vigorously, my heart slamming in my chest in anticipation. His fingers slipped under the hem and passed over my clit causing me to cry out.

"Fuck…Bella …" He groaned.

His fingers slid down again, running along my wet folds and I involuntarily bucked my hips against his hand. He moved his finger up and down my slit as I whimpered and felt my body flush from his touch. He circled my opening slowly before running his finger back up my slit, teasing my clit and causing me to buck my hips again. I had never felt pleasure so intense.

"Please, don't stop… keep going…" I panted.

"You like that?" He asked against my ear. I nodded desperately and just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any better, he latched his mouth to my neck and sucked hard while he slipped his finger inside of me. I cried out again, the feeling of extreme pleasure completely overwhelming every inch of my body. He pulled his finger back out all the way before slipping it back inside of me and I whimpered again, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as my breathing became erratic.

"Shit… God Bella baby… you feel so fucking incredible." He groaned as he began thrusting his finger in and out of me at a leisured pace. I was panting heavily, my chest heaving as my hands raked over his back frantically, fisting when a surge of pleasure washed over me. He picked up his thrusts, as I bucked my hips and started riding his finger, the burning pleasure building in the pit of my stomach. I reached my hand up and tugged his face down to mine by the back of his neck, thrusting my tongue into his mouth desperately. He sucked my tongue into his mouth, sucking it furiously as I continued to writhe underneath him, my body being consumed in pure pleasure and satisfaction.

"Edward…" I panted as I could feel the pressure in the pit of my stomach increasing incredibly with each thrust of his finger.

"That's it baby girl, just relax…" He panted into my ear as he picked up his speed and deepened the thrust of his finger, attaching his thumb to my clit and rubbing it.

"Shit… Edward… Edward…" I began panting as I could feel the pressure building and building.

"Let go, beautiful." He breathed into my ear. With a few more thrusts of his fingers, my body exploded as I clamped down onto his finger and cried out from the intensity of the pleasure that rocked through me, my body convulsing as the waves of my orgasm washed over me. He continued to move his fingers in me, helping me ride out the waves of my orgasm. As my body came down from its incredible high, I fell limp beneath him, my chest heaving and my legs feeling like jelly. He slid his finger out of me and to my surprise slipped it into his mouth, sucking on it and moaning as his eyes locked on mine. If I wasn't so wasted from my orgasm I would have said something but all I could do was watch him. It was such a major turn on.

"So fucking good, baby." He hummed, slipping his finger out.

He began to kiss me delicately up my chest, around my neck, along my jaw and then my mouth, his kiss soft and tender as I kissed him back lazily, unable to put anymore enthusiasm into it. "Fuck, I think that was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." He said softly, brushing away my hair that was stuck to my forehead. I smiled lazily at him, unsure of what to say to that.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down onto me, "Thank you, that was amazing." I whispered into his ear. He lifted his head up and smiled widely at me.

"That was my pleasure… it really was." He said pressing his hard as rock erection against my bare legs. I grinned at him and then realized he may be expecting me to return the favor. He didn't seem to be expecting me to do anything but I had no idea if it was rude of me to take and not give.

"If you need to get up and shower, the bathroom is just outside here and no one is home." He said sitting himself up and scrubbing his hands through his hair. I glanced at him and chuckled when I saw the mess I had made out of his hair. I sat myself up, still feeling speechless after my orgasm.

"Ok, but do you want to go first?" I asked, grabbing his pillow and using it to cover my bare chest.

"No, you can go." He said leaning in to kiss my forehead. "You're so beautiful when you come, my Bella." He murmured. I felt my heart soar when he said 'my Bella', it felt so permanent, like I was his and only his. The thought made me smile.

"Now I know what Rosalie and Alice are always bragging out." I admitted, feeling my face blush slightly.

"You mean… that was the first time you've ever… orgasmed?" Edward asked sounding really surprised. I nodded as I began chewing my lip uncomfortably.

"Well, yeah. I've never been with anyone you know that." I said my voice coming out unintentionally harsh.

"Yeah I know that but I figured… I mean you've never touched yourself?"

I shook my head quickly. "No!"

"You've never been curious?" He asked, a little amusement in his voice.

"No. Can we not talk about this?" I asked adjusting myself on his bed uncomfortably. He stared at me for a moment longer before a smug smile took over his face. "What?"

"That means I just gave you your first orgasm." He said proudly with a grin. "Puts me even further in the lead." I swatted his arm, causing the pillow I was clutching to slip. Before I knew what was happening he grabbed me and pulled me on top of him so that I was hovering over him. He reached his hand up and caressed my cheek, his green eyes piercing into mine making my heart pick up speed.

"You're so adorable." He said pulling me down to kiss him. I lowered myself till my chest was pressed up against his and I could feel myself aching for him again. I pulled back quickly not wanting to push myself again.

"Let me go wash up." I said climbing off of him. He groaned but let me go, sitting himself up and watching me grab my stuff. I grabbed his cop shirt off of the floor and slipped it on leaving it unbuttoned but held it closed against my chest.

"Fuck." He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face.

"What?" I asked grabbing my bag and turning to him. He dropped his hands and I watched his eyes rake over me from head to toe.

"You're asking me what?" He asked incredulously. "You stand there in nothing but my shirt and you expect me to just let you go? Don't you understand that seeing my girl wearing _my _shirt, practically naked underneath is the hottest thing ever?" He rambled. I looked down at myself and then back at him loving the way he said 'my girl' as I grinned widely.

"I'll be a minute." I said rushing out of the room before he could jump me. I took a quick shower before climbing out and slipping on my shorts and tank top. I hurried back to his room, walking in to find him on his bed, laying on his back with his hands behind his head and in only his boxers now. He lifted his head when he heard me enter and sat himself up.

"Come here." He said, his eyes darkening with lust as he called me over with his hand. I threw my bag beside me on the floor and crawled into his bed where he pulled me into his side. He kissed me softly before getting up. "Let me take a shower and I'll be back." He left the room while I slipped myself under the covers, nuzzling my face into his pillow so I could smell him. About fifteen minutes later, he stepped back into the room wearing his towel around his hips. He dropped his towel without warning me causing me to gasp and quickly turned my head. I heard his musical chuckle as my face flushed a deep crimson. I felt the bed beside me sink a moment later.

"Was that too much?" He asked. I could hear the amusement in his voice. I turned to him, I'm sure my cheeks answering his question. I had just gotten a glimpse of his cock and I was shocked. He was… well endowed.

"You didn't warn me." I said smiling at the expression on his face. He was enjoying this.

"I thought we were past all the formalities after tonight."

I grabbed him from the back of his neck and pulled him down beside me, snuggling myself into his side.

"Good night Edward." I murmured into his bare chest.

"Sweet dreams, my Bella." He said placing a kiss on my neck. He draped his arm around me pulling me as close to him as possible.

I had never felt so content.

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**Things are getting hot in here...so take off all your clothes. Lol, sorry couldn't help myself.**

**Important  
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**I may have said last time that Through His Eyes didn't make it into the preliminaries in the Indie Twific Awards, well I was wrong. It wasn't on there but voting has now started and it has appeared again, weird i know. So if you love this story and think it deserves to win (pretty please!) go ahead and VOTE for me! Its under the category, AH Story that knocks you off your feet and the link is on my profile.  
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**Now, be a darl and REVIEW for me so i know what you thought of this chapter and that lovely lemon :D Reviews will make Edward lick his fingers always!  
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	20. What Goes Around Comes Around

**A/N - Back earlier than usual... well, considering its 'Reader Appreciation' Day, i rushed this out to my beta so we could have it posted in time. Its a long ass chapter, not sure if you guys like them this long but i just find that i can't stop writing and it gives a chapter depth when its longer. **

**To all of you readers and reviews, you all bring a massive grin to my face when i read them. It is so great to hear everyone is enjoying the story so much. And it seems like Everyone loved Edward's finger licking.... *drool***

**My beta luv4jake you absolutely rock! Love you to bits, you worked your ass off on this long ass chapter despite the shit you had going on around you. For that i truly appreciate it!! MWA!  
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**Twitter Whack Pack you all know who you are... you are all so great and never cease to bring a smile to my face!**

**Stormyinco and Debbliss... the biggest hugs and kisses go out to you two!**

**Edward had a lot to say in this chap so let's get a move on!**

Stephanie Meyer owns it all...well just Twilight, I own...hmm.. my phone, my car, my shoes....ok moving on.**  
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**EPOV**

"Fuck." I grunted as the morning sun shone through my windows and right into my motherfucking eyes effectively blinding me. It seems like I had forgotten to close the damn fucking blinds last night. I turned my face to the side and away from the offending window only to be met by a waft of strawberries and vanilla. I opened my eyes slightly, the sides of my mouth turning up into a smile as my heart picked up speed before I even saw her.

Bella.

She was snuggled into my side, her face nuzzled into her pillow, looking cuter than ever. Without thinking of my actions, I lifted a hand and brushed my fingers through her hair soft dark hair. Last night's events flashed through my head clearly.

I had always known Bella was beautiful, it was a fucking given and I could never get over just how sexy I found her. But last night was the first time I had ever seen her legs. And fuck if they weren't the sexiest pair of legs I had ever seen. They were long and creamy and just muscular enough. She was absolute heaven and she didn't even know it. My cock sprang to life as soon as I laid eyes on her when she appeared in the kitchen with Alice and Rosalie by her side. My eyes saw her and only her, taking in her glorious curves hungrily as my heart began hammering in my chest. She was going to be the death of me. The urge to throw her over my shoulder and find a private spot where I could ravage and worship her like she deserves was fucking strong but I held back. If I was being honest with myself, all these unattended 'hard ons' were becoming frustrating as fuck. I knew I had to take things slow with Bella, she was new to all this and fuck if I wasn't afraid of hurting her. So taking the sexual part of our relationship in baby steps was a necessity in my eyes. I didn't want to lose her. I _couldn't _fucking lose her. And I was prepared to do everything in my power to make sure that never happened. But with all that aside, the way my body reacted to her, the way my dick twitched and throbbed in her presence was out of my control, it was shit I had no power over, so the horny teenage part of me was constantly imagining all the things that I could do to her. How her bare skin against mine would feel, how wet she would be for me, how tight she would feel around my cock and how fucking incredible it would be when my name escaped her lips in her moment of pure ecstasy, because I made her feel that way, the only person to ever bring her such pleasure.

Despite the little control I had over my cock, considering that fucker has a mind of its own, I mean, the blood in my system can go either way, my brain or my cock so it's quite a fucking effort to be coherent when your dick is fighting its restraints for a piece of action. So despite that, I knew I _had _to wait and it was fucking killing me. I couldn't seem to keep my hands off of her last night at the party and I was fucking ecstatic that she seemed the same, succumbing to her desires, forgetting our surroundings and just getting lost in each others touch and presence. It seemed that Bella and I lived in a little world of our own whenever we were together and if I could seal that bit of peace surrounding us and lock us away in it, I'd do it in a heart beat and that is a crazy thought that I'm even considering it, but fuck me sideways if isn't true.

From our drive back here from the party I could tell Bella was aroused. Her cheeks were flushed and her breaths were short. She was relaxed in the car when I placed my hand on her knee but I could tell she was trying hard to compose herself. My actions were innocent, I wasn't touching her with a purpose to be sexual, I was touching her because I possessed the need to constantly feel her skin. I removed my hand when I noticed it was becoming too much for her.

It was once we were in my bedroom, Bella taking a drag from my cigarette that the blood seemed to rush to my dick at full speed rendering my brain almost dysfunctional. The only thing that my brain was able to process was…

Bella

Bella naked

Bella beneath my fingertips

Bella moaning

And fuck if she didn't seem to want the same, the way her mouth moved against mine, the way in which she was rubbing her hot sweet core against my cock showed me she was desperate just like I was. Despite my horny ass, I took it slow with her, well as slow as I could manage, giving her time to change her mind if need be because this was a massive fucking step we were taking and we both knew it. I used to fuck girls I met at parties and never see them again. Fucking to me was almost as blasé as kissing was with other girls. But with Bella, it was different, she wasn't just a fuck and she wouldn't _ever _be just a fuck. Her little moans of pleasure were spurring me on and then she started pleading with me for more and fuck if I didn't want to give her more.

I'd always dreamt of what her pussy would feel like. So when my fingers made contact with her sweet wet pussy it was taking everything in my power not to rip off her panties and take her. She felt soft, so fucking wet and was trimmed nicely and when my finger entered her, I almost came. It took everything in my will power not to cream my fucking pants when a shot of arousal shot through me at the contact. She was tight, oh so fucking tight and the pleasure of feeling her this way, and eliciting constant moans of pleasure from her was one of the best thing's I'd ever witnessed. She writhed beneath me, moans escaping her beautiful pink lips, her back arching into me, her chest heaving with her pants. Working her felt so good I didn't want to stop. This felt so different to me. I've fingered many girls before but it was always a purely physical action, no emotional attachment which meant that I wasn't gentle like I was with Bella. I was quick and rough. With Bella, my aim was to prolong her pleasure, to bring her to the brink of falling off the edge and then stepping back a little so that when she came, she came hard. Watching Bella in this way caused my heart to swell, to race within my chest as my feelings for her continued to fucking sky rocket with each passing moment.

What set it in stone for me, regarding my feelings for her, was tasting her. I've never fucking tasted a girl before, never had the desire to what so ever. That was just shit I never did, I had boundaries when it came to sex like that. Well, more like just that one. I've been given head more times than I can count, had threesomes many times before, fingered girls, even done anal once or twice, but the one thing I never did and always made clear to chicks was that I don't fucking eat pussy and never will. Girls almost expected that shit now a days, they weren't too discreet about what they wanted so I had to make it clear straight away that Edward fucking Cullen doesn't eat pussy. That is partially true now. Because last night, I wanted nothing more than to taste Bella and I did, no hesitation or questions, I just did it. And fuck me dead she tasted so sweet. She tasted just as sweet as she smelled and that's when I decided that I wanted more and that day will come when I'll get to taste her properly.

I never expected her to return the favor. I didn't bring her pleasure in order to get it in return. So I did the only thing I knew that would help relieve that problem.

I pulled my dick like I've never pulled it before.

My jizz shot out against the tiled walls in the shower with force. I was gasping for breath, my chest was heaving, I think I even saw fucking stars. My dick was getting sick of my fucking palm lately but last night, I was jumping for joy just at the thought of any kind of release from the torture.

She began to stir against me, snapping me back to the present, rubbing her face against the pillow before relaxing and settling back into sleep. It amazed me how beautiful she was, especially when she slept, so peaceful and angelic. Her face was glowing, her cheeks slightly flushed and her lips slightly parted as she breathed steadily. I decided to leave her to sleep so I sat myself up slowly trying not to wake her in the process. I scrubbed my hands over my face a few times before swinging my legs off the side of the bed and standing up. I was sporting quite an impressive morning wood and decided it would probably be safer to keep some distance between Bella and myself, especially after last night. Now that I'd witnessed her 'cum' face I wanted to bring that expression more often.

I cracked my bedroom door open, peering into the hallway making sure Carlisle was no where to be seen. I stepped into the bathroom and relieved myself. After washing my hands and teeth, I stepped back out to hear movement from Carlisle's bedroom. I quickened my steps back into my room and locked the door behind me. I turned back to my bed surprised to find Bella sitting up, with her legs crossed Indian style facing me. She smiled lazily at me.

"Morning." I said making my way to her. I crawled into bed toward her, pushing her till she was on her back again.

"Good morning." She said wrapping her arms around me. I nuzzled my face into her hair, greedily inhaling her scent.

"Sleep ok?" I asked, my voice muffled by her hair. She nodded against me in response. "Good, so did I." I pulled back and laid myself down beside her. "Carlisle's here so just a warning." I said. She turned to me looking slightly worried.

"Does he know I'm here?" She asked.

"Nope but it wouldn't matter. Believe me, he's found chicks in my room on numerous occasions. He's used to it now." I said, running a hand through my hair. It wasn't till I saw her eyes widen for a split second and her body go rigid beside me that I realized what I'd said.

She shrugged out of my grasp and scooted to the edge of my bed and sat there with her back to me. I sat myself up realizing I just fucked up.

"Shit." I muttered scrubbing my hands over my face, realizing how my words may have come out and what I had just admitted. She got up and walked over to her bag and began to search through it.

"Bella…" I said standing up from my bed and walked over to her. She kept her back to me as she searched her bag for something or other almost frantically. I grabbed her arm lightly to make her turn to face me but she quickly shrugged me off. I ran a hand through my hair getting pissed that she wouldn't let me even explain myself. She pulled out a toothbrush and what looked like face wash and turned to face me, quickly trying to walk around me but I stepped in front of her, blocking her way. She wasn't looking at me.

"I didn't mean for it-"

"What did you mean then?" She snapped meeting her eyes with mine. I could see the blatant hurt swimming around in her eyes as she tried to keep her composure.

"Fuck Bella, if you'd let me explain I'd be able to fucking tell you what I meant." I snapped, pissed at her for cutting me off.

"You're a jerk." She said pushing past me. I grabbed her arm and spun her around to face me, my heart clenching at the sight of her unshed tears. All because of me. Here we go, like I said, I knew I would eventually hurt her. "Let go of me." She said through clenched teeth. I released her arm quickly not wanting a repeat of the incident with her wrist and ran both hands through my hair in frustration.

"Just listen to me ok?" I said. She didn't answer but I took it as my cue to continue, "I didn't mean for it to come out like that, like you were just another girl that I had a little fun with. Fuck, I've never seen you like that and you'll never just be another girl for me. You're _my_ girl, ok? You mean something fucking special to me. I feel things for you that I've never felt with any one before... at all." I looked at her, trying to express through my eyes just how fucking serious I was. "Please tell me that you understand." I demanded when she remained silent. I could hear the anger in my voice over taking the calm tone I was aiming for. But it was true, every word of it was true, she was something special to me, she was becoming every thing I ever wanted in a girl and I couldn't bear for her to think otherwise.

She continued to stare at me, her eyes searching mine for any doubt she may have felt. She eventually nodded slowly. "I'm sorry." She said shaking her head.

"Don't fucking apologize." I groaned, hating it when she did. "I should be fucking apologizing for what I said even though I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did."

"I'm apologizing for calling you a jerk." She said.

"Well, you're forgiven." I said scratching the back of my neck. "But I must say you can become quite feisty."

"How many girls?" She said crossing her arms over her chest and making her breasts press together, giving me a very nice view of her cleavage. "Edward." She said, snapping my eyes away from her cleavage and to her face. I could see she was the vulnerable Bella again.

"What?" I asked confused with her question, the image of her beautiful breasts stuck in my head.

"How many girls have you slept with?" She asked.

"You really want to fucking know that?" I asked trying not to pack shit. It wasn't an impressive number and it would just give her one more reason to see what a prick I was.

"Just answer me." She said staring into my eyes and locking me with her gaze.

"Well… fuck." I said running a hand through my hair as I tried to count them off the top of my head. "Twelve?" I said shrugging.

"Twelve? You're unsure?" She seemed annoyed by my uncertainty.

"Well, you kind of lose count after a while." I joked. She didn't find it amusing in the slightest. I sighed before I continued. "Could've been about thirteen, fourteen… yeah, thirteen-fourteen." I nodded satisfied that was accurate enough. She turned and walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"Ok." She murmured looking down into her lap. I walked over to her and sat myself beside her. I nudged my shoulder against hers.

"Hey." I said. She looked up at me, forcing half a smile. "You ok?" I asked hating to see her distancing herself from me. I couldn't believe just how much I needed her. This wasn't me. I've never _needed _anybody.

"That's a lot." She said simply.

"Well, I never declared to be a fucking virgin or anything. I mean, I was known as a fucking player for a reason." I admitted realizing that what I was saying probably wasn't helping my situation any.

"I know, I just never figured it'd be that high."

"Does it bother you?" I asked, hoping that it didn't.

She looked up at me and shook her head. "No."

"K, just know that, I'm not like that any more right? You're all I want. You and only you." I said grazing my nose along her ear. "I promised I'd give you all that I can in this relationship and I'll stick by that. Because… I want this." I said lifting my hand and cupping her face, making her turn to face me. She did, her big brown eyes staring back at me, reflecting her forgiveness and desire. She was so easy to read at times. Only at times. "Tell me you believe me." I pleaded in a whisper.

"I believe you." She murmured, her lips brushing against mine as she spoke.

"Tell me you trust me." I pleaded softly, brushing my nose against hers.

"I trust you." She murmured again, her eyes becoming hooded with lust.

"Good, because I trust you and I want you and I need you." I said pressing my lips to hers. She spun herself around snaking her hands around my neck and locking them there. I nipped at her lips, savoring her taste as she lifted her herself up and climbed into my lap, her legs on either side of me. Our tongues met and I groaned loudly as I could feel her chest press up against mine, her sheer top allowing me to clearly feel her hardened nipples against me.

The sound of my phone made us both jump and reluctantly pull away from each other.

"Fuck." I breathed as I lifted her off my lap and walked over to my phone knowing very well it was Jasper.

"What?" I answered dryly.

"Hey man, what's up?" Jasper asked, sounding perky.

"Nothing much." I answered

"You guys are coming over right?"

"To your place?"

"Yeah, Em and Alice are still here." He said, I could hear the vacuum going off faintly from his end.

"I guess so."

"Great, well we're here waiting."

"Alright, see you soon." I said before hanging up.

"Everything ok?" Bella asked as she held a change of clothes against her chest.

"Yeah." I sighed. "They're expecting us at Jasper's." I said. "We don't have to go though." I said leaving it up to her. If it was up to me I'd be more than happy to stay here all day and _play_ with Bella.

"I'm ok with that." She nodded.

"Alright." I said hiding the disappointment I was feeling at her decision. She left the room, no doubt to go wash up and change into her clothes.

I grabbed a pair of jeans from my ward robe and slipped them on, matching them with a striped white and beige polo shirt. I grabbed some beige and white converse sneakers, pulling them on and headed for the door. I ran into Carlisle as soon as I stepped out of my room. He was just about to walk into his bedroom but froze when he saw me. He still had his black slacks and green button up shirt on. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, the tie undone hanging on either side of his neck and the first few buttons were undone. He looked tired.

"Good morning." He smiled at me, the dark circles around his eyes visible.

"Morning." I said, waiting for him to continue on his way.

"Did you have a good night?" He asked turning to face me completely.

"Yeah, it was good." I shrugged.

The door to the bathroom opened then and Bella stepped out, clutching her folded pajamas in her hands. She almost ran into me not expecting me to be standing just outside the bathroom door.

"Oh." She said taking a step back. She saw my gaze flicker to Carlisle causing her to turn to face him. I watched as his eyes flickered between me and Bella in question. He didn't look angry, and to be honest I couldn't really read his expression but if I had to pick one it would be probably lean toward surprise. "Dr. Cullen." Bella said, her voice just as surprised as her expression at seeing him there and being caught.

"Good morning Bella and please call me Carlisle." He said with a smile. I watched with amusement as Bella squirmed under his gaze.

"Ok." She began biting her lip, turning to me for some sort of help but I just leaned against the door frame and crossed my arms over my chest, enjoying the show. It was probably cruel of me not helping her out of the situation but she had nothing to worry about. "I was just… ah… did you just get back from work?" Bella stuttered.

"Yes I did. It was a busy night and I was just getting ready to hit the hay." Carlisle smiled, no doubt trying to make her feel comfortable. I got to admit, I was impressed he was doing everything in his power to make her comfortable. He looked over at me briefly before turning his attention back to Bella. "Well, I better get going." He nodded toward Bella in farewell before stepping into his room and closing the door softly behind him. Bella turned to me narrowing her eyes at me.

"What?" I asked trying to fight back a smirk.

"Ass." She said slapping my arm before pushing past me back into my room.

"Take that back." I said laughing, following her into my room. She stuffed her pajamas into her bag and turned to me, shaking her head. I shut my bedroom door with my foot and turned the lock before stalking my way over to her, loving the look of her in her denim Capri's and white camisole. "I said, take that fucking back." I repeated, my voice low and threatening. She bit her lip, her eyes locked with mine as once again she shook her head.

"No." She said slowly, her tone strong. She started backing up slowly away from me, her eyes never leaving mine. It wasn't often that I saw this tough side of her, she usually shelters herself and takes a back seat to any sort of attention but at the moment she chose to stand up to me and I was finding it a major turn on.

"Don't make me make you." I said, continuing my steps toward her. I smirked when she backed into the wall beside my desk, leaving her with no where to go.

"I'd like to see you try." She challenged, her lips curling up on one side slightly as she tried to keep a straight face. I stalked up to her, placing both my hands on either side of her head, trapping her. I couldn't help but smirk at the look of defiance on her face. She wasn't going to back down easily, I could tell. I leaned forward, grazing my nose along her jaw, down her neck and back up. I pulled away and locked my eyes with hers.

"Take. That. Back." I said slowly and each word separately. She raised an eye brow at me, continuing to fight me. "You wanna play dirty, I see." I whispered against her lips. She sucked in a ragged breath at my closeness but said nothing. I grazed my lips against hers, barely touching them, wanting her to crumble under me and scream out her apology. I lifted a hand off the wall and grasped the back of her head, my fingers digging into her hair, she stayed rigid, fighting hard not to relax into me because she knew what I wanted.

"You deserved it." She said pulling her face back a little to look me in the eyes.

"And why is that, Bella?" I whispered, licking her lips with the tip of my tongue. She bit her lip, hard, no doubt biting back a moan, her eyes revealing everything she was feeling. Hooded and glazed over, she was already beginning to crumble.

"Because you watched me…" She trailed off as I flicked my tongue along her neck, slowly and sensually. She swallowed thickly before continuing. "You watched me struggle with your father… and all you could do was stand back and watch with that stupid smirk on your face." She said, her voice wavering a few times as my grip on her head tightened and my tongue continued to roam her neck.

"He's not someone to be afraid of." I said dropping my other hand off the wall and grasping her ass, thrusting her against my hard dick. She couldn't hold back this time and moaned, causing me to grin. I loved the effect I had on her.

Before I knew what she was doing, she dropped her hand between us and rubbed her hand over my cock, completely taking me by surprise with her boldness. She had never tried to touch me so this was new. My head fell onto her shoulder as she continued to rub me with just the right amount of pressure. My hands fell to her hips, my body weakening as I breathed her name repeatedly. Then, suddenly she was gone causing me to almost fall forward against the wall as I had been leaning against her. I spun around, fuming that she'd turned the tables without me even realizing and turned me into putty in her hands. She giggled as she watched me, standing in front of my bed, my eyes slicing into hers and my cock throbbing from one of the most painful erections I've ever had.

"You're really going to regret that." I warned before walking to her and pouncing on her, tipping us both onto the bed. I began tickling her, loving the sound of her beautiful laughter echo through my room. She tried fighting me off but I was too heavy, my weight holding her down as I straddled her waist, as she squirmed and laughed beneath me.

"Take it back." I laughed with her, unable to hold mine back as I watched her face flush with her struggles and laughter.

"S-sorry….ah!" She struggled beneath me as she tried to contain her giggles. I grabbed her wrists and placed them both above her head and stared at her as I tried to calm down. Her giggles died down as her eyes locked with mine, her face flushed, her eyes bright and her hair a complete mess. She looked so beautiful it hurt.

"Thank you." I said, grinning down at her, knowing I won in the end. "Now, that wasn't so hard was it?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at her. She shook her head at me.

"Now that you have your apology are you going to get off me?" She asked trying to free her wrists from my grip.

"Am I hurting you?" I asked seriously, loosening my grip on her wrists but not enough for her to squirm free.

"No. But you can't hold me hostage forever." She said, arching her back as she tried to struggle. I tried to ignore the fact that her crotch pressed against my dick when she did that.

"I'm not done with you yet. That was some bold move you pulled back there." I said watching her face flush pink with her blush. She knew exactly what I was talking about. "You're quite the tease."

"I had to do what I could to save myself. Desperate times call for desperate measures." She explained struggling beneath me. I leaned down till my lips were at her ear.

"Well, I thoroughly enjoyed it." I whispered. I pulled back slowly, watching her face as she blushed a deep shade of red. I chuckled at her expression before I let her go and climbed off of her. She sat herself up and I held my hand out to help her up off the bed.

I let her organize her stuff while I descended the stairs into the kitchen where I placed some pop tarts into the toaster for a quick breakfast. Bella walked down a few moments later, grabbing a glass of water and downing it in one go. After we ate, Bella and I made our way over to Jasper and Rosalie's.

"Bella!" Alice squealed as she opened the door and flung herself into Bella's arms. I once again cringed at the pitch of her squeal before mumbling a 'hey' and brushing past them into the house.

I walked into the lounge to find Emmett draped over the sofa, his forearm over his eyes and one leg hanging off the edge of the couch. He was topless and still wearing his black khakis from last night.

"Hey man." I said as I approached him. He groaned in response. "What's up with him?" I asked Jasper who walked into the lounge carrying a glass of water and two aspirins.

"Bad hang over." He smirked as he placed the glass of water and tablets on the coffee table in front of him.

"Serves him right." I chuckled. "He should have stopped after his third shot of tequila." I explained. Emmett let out a deep groan. I realized what he was thinking so I teased him, "Tequila." I said with a laugh. He groaned louder and longer. "Tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila-" I sang but got cut off when Emmett bolted off the couch, merely missing me by inches and towards the bathroom. I burst out laughing and not long after Jasper joined me, throwing his head back and clutching his stomach as he laughed. Bella and Alice walked into the room just as Jasper and I were collecting ourselves and wiping the tears from our eyes.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked.

"Oh nothing, just a little fun at the expense of someone else." I said sitting down on the couch just where Emmett just had been. Bella walked over to me and sat down beside me.

"So who cleaned up?" I asked, my eyes scanning the room seeing everything was pretty much back in order.

"Rose, Alice and me. Emmett was… well you know." Jasper chuckled.

"That guy still doesn't seem to know his limits when it comes to alcohol." I said with shake of my head. Rosalie appeared a moment later, smiling slightly at me in greeting before throwing herself beside Bella. Emmett walked back into the room, his face pale, his movements slow and sluggish.

"Fuck you." He muttered to me, his eyes briefly meeting mine before he looked around and found all the couches were taken. He didn't say anything and just slumped himself on the floor where he was standing and curled up into a ball.

"What the fuck did you to do him?" I asked Rose teasingly. "That can't all be from the tequila and beer." I stated, watching his huge form curled up on the floor. Rosalie shrugged as she got up and kneeled down beside him, running her hands through his hair.

"He had more after you guys-" She was cut off by another groan from Emmett, obviously trying to tell her to keep quiet since he couldn't handle any noise, especially considering she was talking right above his ear. She huffed and got up, sitting down on the arm chair opposite where I was sitting.

"So, who is going to take the pleasure of telling us exactly what happened last night with the whole Lauren missing her eyebrows thing?" Alice asked, her eyes darting between me and Jasper. Emmett was out of the question, the guy could barely mumble a single word.

"Would you like to take that pleasure?" Jasper grinned at me.

"The only pleasure I'd ever like to take is sitting right here." I said pulling Bella into my side and placing a kiss on her lips. I pulled away to find Jasper and Alice smirking at me. Rosalie was staring at Bella with an amused expression.

"K, well, last night and Lauren..." I began as I started to laugh as I remembered Emmett and how he had tried to flirt with Lauren.

_**Last Night**_

"So you ready?" I asked Emmett as we stood in the corner of the kitchen, filling up a cup with vodka and coke.

"Yeah, I'm good." Emmett said grinning. The guy loved to play pranks on people. He was made for it. He looked just as excited as a kid in a damn candy store. His dimples were clearly visible through his grin.

"Here." Jasper said quietly, appearing beside me with some Visine eye drops. "So, how does this work exactly?" He asked handing it to me.

"Not sure, something in it acts like a fucking sedative and will knock you out dry for about an hour." I explained shoving it into my pocket. "Now Em, this will take, I reckon, no more than ten to fifteen minutes to take effect on her. She's quite tiny so it'll work quickly through her system, got it?" I asked, making sure he understood everything.

"Got it. So I've got to get her into a room within ten minutes of her drinking this." He repeated almost to himself.

"Right." I agreed. "But go get her then come back and take the drink to her."

"I stole some Nair hair removal cream from Rosalie's bathroom and hid it in the guest room ready and waiting." Jasper explained.

Emmett tugged his vest to straighten it out as he stalked off to find Lauren and do some serious flirting.

"How long do you think it will take for her to give in?" I asked, taking a swig of my beer. Jasper and I shuffled through the kitchen till we could get a clear view of Emmett and Lauren. And there he was, near the bottom of the stairs, chatting away with Lauren and Jessica. Those two girls were already giggling idiots.

"Seriously?" Jasper asked me, looking at me with raised eye brows. "Lauren and Rosalie have always competed over the guys in this school. They're no doubt the two hottest… fuck, you know what I mean." He said shaking his head in disgust at calling his sister hot. "So, Lauren will be fucking throwing herself at him knowing she could get herself a piece of Rosalie's man. She lives off that shit." Jasper said, watching Emmett and Lauren closely.

"Yeah, I was going to do it myself but it would have been too obvious. I haven't really held back in giving her a piece of my mind." I watched as Jessica walked off leaving Lauren and Emmett standing alone and pretty damn close too. I was sure Emmett was acting and had no damn interest in Lauren but the guy looked damn believable. No wonder the girls back in Seattle used drop their panties for him at the drop of a hat. Jasper and I stood and watched as Lauren stepped closer to him, almost pressing him up against wall and if I didn't know any better, the guy looked like he was enjoying every minute of it. He leaned in and whispered something into her ear, she nodded before he turned to make his way back toward us. Jasper and I quickly moved out of view and back to the corner of the kitchen where nobody would see us. I pulled the Visine out of pocket discreetly, unscrewed it and then squeezed a few drops into the cup of vodka and coke.

"Ready?" Emmett asked from behind Jasper and I. I shoved the Visine back into my pocket and handed Lauren's cup to him and gave him a beer, because knowing Emmett if I were to give him two cups he'd mostly likely get them confused and take the one with the Visine for himself.

"Try to get her to drink it all as quickly as possible and then lead her toward the guest room so that when she begins to feel drowsy we'll take her in easily." I ordered. He nodded his understanding, took a swig of his beer before stalking back out to Lauren.

"Alright, let's go get this show on the road." I smirked at Jasper, nudging him with my elbow as we made our way through the crowded house and to the guest room. We slipped inside and shut the door behind us. I ran a hand through my hair, my adrenaline pumping and sending me on a high at the thrill of giving Lauren exactly what she's deserved. Jasper walked over to the wooden dresser that was against the far wall and pulled out the Nair, holding it up to me with a grin on his face. I chuckled at his enthusiasm as I walked out onto the balcony in the room and lit up a cigarette.

A few moments later, I heard a knock on the door. I nodded at Jasper to answer it. He opened it a little, peaking through to see who it was before swinging it wide open, allowing Emmett with Lauren barely clinging to him to enter. Her eyes were drooped as she stumbled her way to the bed on her own accord, completely oblivious to her surroundings and dropped onto her stomach. She was out. I put out my cigarette in the ash try and stepped inside.

"Fuck, that was quick." Jasper snickered.

"She's light. I told you it wouldn't take long." I said, eyeing her costume. She was wearing a tiny tutu that now, had her entire ass on display as she lay down through her fish nets. She was wearing a black lace thong, her bare ass exposed to our eyes.

"Fuck, that's hot." Emmett murmured as his eyes fixated on her ass. I shook my head at him before kneeling onto the bed beside her.

"Is the door locked?" I asked Jasper. I would hate for someone to walk in and find me in bed with an unconscious Lauren splayed out before me, with Emmett and Japer as watchers. Jasper nodded in answer. I turned back to her, slipping my hands under her torso and tried to turn her over onto her back. She was so light I was able to do it easily. Her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly parted as she breathed steadily.

"Give us the cream." I said holding my hand out. Jasper handed the cream to me and stood at the end of the bed, watching with amused eyes.

I unscrewed the tube, then froze, turning my attention back to Jasper. "Rosalie doesn't use this for her pussy does she?" I asked seriously.

"Fuck if I know…dude, don't." Jasper said, scrunching his nose in disgust.

"No, no. She waxes…nice and bare." Emmett said nodding his head with a smirk.

"Dude… please. That's my sister." Jasper ran both his hands through his hair with a shake of his head.

"Good. Because I wouldn't want to go anywhere near that shit if I don't have to." I shuddered before smearing a decent amount onto my fingers, and wiped them over Lauren's eyebrows, making sure every single hair was covered.

"Do her hair too." Emmett suggested.

"You think?" I asked, my eyes darting between Jasper and Emmett in question.

"Give her a bold spot." Emmett laughed.

"Don't do it. Eye brows are enough." Jasper said sternly. His expression reminded me of the afternoon I nailed into Tyler. He had been worried I'd gone overboard. He was making sure I wouldn't do that tonight. I thought about it for a bit, the suggestion tempting but figured her eyebrows would be enough, I'd like to see if she'd attempt to draw any till they grew back. I snickered at the thought. I climbed off the bed to allow the cream to do its dirty work. I walked over to the wooden plush arm chair in the corner of the room and slumped myself into it.

"So, you never tapped that, huh?" Emmett asked, his eyes still fixated on Lauren. I looked over at her and shook my head.

"Nope. Never really got the chance, something always came in the way." I explained, turning back to Emmett and seeing that he was still staring at her. "Something tells me _you_ want to tap that?" I said with a cocked eye brow. He turned his gaze to me as Jasper snickered.

"Just because I appreciate a woman's curves doesn't mean I have the intention of fucking her." He retorted. "Plus I have Rosie." He added. "Who I care about so much and would never do anything to hurt her." He said directly to Jasper. Jasper just rolled his eyes.

"I'd have your dick chopped off and fed to you if you ever did anyways." Jasper said in a matter-of-fact tone.

After another cigarette, I walked back over to Lauren to check the progress of the cream. I scraped off the end of her eyebrow, a huge shit eating grin making its way over my face when I saw that it was free of any hair. Emmett handed me a bunch of tissues, as I wiped the cream off of both eyebrows, sniggering at the sight before me.

"Hand over my phone." I said holding my hand out to no one in particular. Jasper handed my phone over which I then took the pleasure of taking several close up photos of Lauren's face with no eyebrows.

"She almost looks albino." Emmett laughed.

"She is gonna freak. She goes to a salon every week to get those things waxed." Jasper said biting back a laugh.

"Alright boys, my work here is done. If she ever thinks of giving shit to my girl then these photos will be blown up and plastered all over the school." I said. I jumped off the bed to find Jasper and Em watching me with amused expressions. "What?"

"My girl?" Emmett teased. Jasper chuckled.

"Yeah, my girl, gotta problem with that?" I asked dryly, not going to let him make me feel like shit about it.

I groaned as Emmett began to sing and click his fingers along to the beat, "I've got sunshiiiiine, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. Well, I'll guess you'll say, what can make me feel this way?"

"My girl." Jasper added singing right along and clicking his fingers too. "My girl, my girl."

"Talkin' but my girl." Emmett sang swaying side to side.

"My girl. Ooooh." Jasper added with a laugh.

"Oh shut it." I said shaking my head as I opened the door and exited the room and back into the party, their booming laughter echoing behind me.

_**Present time**_

I threw a cushion at Jasper's head for mentioning that part of the story. It wasn't relevant. Bella was giggling beside me.

"So you find that funny too, huh?" I asked, looking down at her with a raised eye brow. She looked up at me with a grin before placing a kiss on my lips.

"I think it's very cute." She said. I groaned.

"Cute. No guy wants to be called cute, Bella."

We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out in front of the TV. Emmett eventually moved from the ground after sleeping there for about an hour. When he woke up he looked horrid, still pale and tired but his nausea had apparently subsided. But despite that, he claimed his head still weighed like a ton of bricks.

Jasper and I around 2pm left to go grab some lunch for everyone. We went to the local diner and grabbed a few burgers and fries to take back to the house. Everyone dug in, including Emmett who believed greasy food was the perfect cure for a hang over and it seemed to work because once he'd finished eating he was up and around like there was nothing wrong with him.

After spending a few more hours just hanging out in their lounge, Bella and I decided it was time to leave. We said our goodbyes and headed out to my Beemer. She thought she should probably head home rather than back to my place since she had a lot of homework that she still hadn't done due for tomorrow, so I drove to her house. I parked outside her house and waited for her to get out, fighting the urge to tell her I didn't want her to leave and to spend the rest of the day with me.

"Do you want to come in?" She asked turning to me.

My eyebrows shot up, "Ah… what about your mum and Phil?" I asked.

"They usually don't get home on Sundays till after 6 or so. But I don't care if they come home early."

"You're trying to say you wouldn't mind if they met me?" I was surprised.

"No, they're going to find out eventually." She shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Ah, ok then." I said not prepared to meet her parents but not wanting to make a big deal out of it if she wasn't going to. I put the car in park and turned off the ignition. I followed her inside, my eyes roaming the house as she ushered me in. It was cozy and warm. It was quite spacious but not as big as my house or as new either. But despite that you could feel the 'home' vibe in it, unlike my house. It's hard for three men to make a house a home.

"Can I get you a drink?" She asked walking to the refrigerator.

"Nope. I want to see your room." I smirked. She smiled at me, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the stairs.

"It's cute." I said looking around her room as I stepped in. She looked surprised by my comment as she started looking around her room too, as if searching for anything that might have made me say it was 'cute'.

"Well…thanks?" She answered, making it sound like a question as she chuckled. "I have history homework due tomorrow that I need to work on. We'll sit downstairs and do it." She said as she walked over to her bag and pulled out her books. I let my eyes wander her room as she got her stuff. Her walls were beige in color with a few posters and pictures of things hanging up. She had a double bed in the middle of her room, with a purple comforter and a side table on both sides with the usual alarm clock, lamps and books. My eyes went back to the framed photographs hung up on her walls. All of nature, different sceneries, the orange glow of the sunset reflecting off of a lake, the close up of the foliage of a tree, the water droplets reflecting the different colored facets of light. They were beautiful.

"Those photographs are really beautiful. Who took them?" I asked walking up to one and taking a closer look.

"Thank you… ah… I did." She said shyly as she stood beside me. I turned to face her.

"You did?" I asked in surprise. She nodded. "I didn't know you did photography. You have a real talent for it."

"It's been ages since I've taken any shots."

"How come?"

"Well, when I was trying to get over my… anorexia, my therapist recommended I find something to distract me. Something that will take my mind off of things, food, body image and all that. My mum had an old camera lying around that she never used. One day the thought just hit me. I slung it around my neck and headed into the forest, taking random shots of nature." She explained. I turned back to the photo of the lake, taken aback by its beautiful simplicity.

She continued. "Nature is beautiful. You can't find faults in nature, you can truly capture its beauty through the lens, what you see is what you get, there is no manipulation like make up, clothes and hair like humans. That's what I loved about it so much. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror I liked what I saw, but no one else did and that used to frustrate me.

"It was all about control, my anorexia I mean. I wasn't willing to give up the only part of my life that at the time I seemed to have some sort of control over. My parents were divorced, my father moved away, my mother started dating not long after and I couldn't bear watching her with other men. All those things were out of my control, affecting my life for the worst. I wasn't about to give up the control over my diet after that."

"So you don't just take photographs now just… I don't know, for something to do?" I asked.

"Not really. I haven't really thought about it. Once I got over my weakness I just… stopped." She shrugged. I turned to face her, snaking my arms around her waist.

"You're not only beautiful but talented too. What else are you hiding?" I smirked. Instead of answering, she pressed her lips to mine, her hands running all over my chest beneath my t-shirt.

"Oh!" She said letting go of me and walking over to her desk and picking up what looked like 'The Age of Innocence.' "Here, I finished it a while back and have been meaning to give it back to you." She said holding it out for me to take.

"Keep it. I'm not going to ever read it." I said shaking my head.

"You sure?"

"Positive." I answered. She threw the book onto her bed before throwing her arms around my neck, pressing her lips to mine softly.

"Thank you." She whispered against my lips.

"Anything for you, baby." I said nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck.

After settling down in her lounge, Bella started on her homework while I watched TV. After an hour and a bunch of TV shows that weren't holding my interest I was getting bored. I got to thinking about her invitation and her sudden change in not caring about what her mum thought of me.

"Is your mum opposed to you dating in general or just opposed to you dating _me_?" I asked turning to her. She continued writing as she answered.

"My mum has always tried to subtly encourage me to date, she thinks I don't 'get out there' enough." She shrugged, putting her pen down and looked up at me. "Just you." She answered biting her lip nervously.

"No surprise." I said shaking my head. "What does she know about me?" I asked playing with the hem of my shirt.

"Ah… she knows you've been expelled from your schools in Seattle. About your drug use." She answered hesitantly, her face watching me closely for my reactions.

"I don't care what people think if you worried about offending me." I assured her. "Fuck, I'm sure if I had a daughter or even a sister who wanted to date a guy like me I'd be concerned too." I chuckled. She smiled at me, pulling her books off her lap and getting up from her spot on the couch and over to me. She straddled my lap and grabbed my face with both of her hands.

"You know I don't care what people think about us, right?" She asked me seriously. Her face was too serious, as if she had to make sure I understood what she was saying.

"I know." I answered, gazing into her brown eyes.

"Because Renee probably won't be happy about us. But I don't care. I want you and no one can stop me." She said piercing her gaze into mine. I let my hands glide down her sides, past her hips and over her ass, one of my favorite assets of hers and grabbed it tightly. She let out a sharp breath as I squeezed her mounds, pressing her into my hardened cock. It never took much to make me hard in her presence. We continued to look into each other's eyes, neither one of us saying anything. The look in her eyes was telling me everything I needed to know. She wanted me… she wanted _all _of me and she wasn't going to give up on us. And I don't think I had ever felt such relief. She leaned forward and kissed me, her lips soft but desperate against mine. I pushed her down harder against me, causing her to moan loudly as I plunged my tongue between her lips, needing as much of her as I could get. Her hands gripped the front of my shirt, pulling me forward against her as she worked her tongue against mine. It wasn't until we heard the front door open and close that Bella bolted off of me like she'd been electrocuted or some shit. I sat still, stunned at what happened and before I could adjust myself, a woman, who I presumed, was Renee appeared around the corner. My eyes darted to Bella who was now sitting on the other couch, looking flustered and guilty. I let my eyes wander back to Renee who seemed surprised at what she found. I quickly sat myself up straight and grabbed the cushion beside me, desperate to cover the steel rod trying to push through the zipper of my jeans.

"Mum, hi." Bella said calmly.

"Hi baby." She smiled at Bella before her eyes darted back to me, almost pleading with her expression for someone to explain what the fuck I was doing sitting in her house.

"Mum, this is Edward. The Edward that I have mentioned a few times to you." Bella said brushing her hair behind her ear.

"Edward. I've heard so much about you." Renee said smiling curtly at me. I nodded my head and figured I should probably get up and shake her hand or something. I stood up awkwardly, never been in this position to know the proper etiquette.

"Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you." I said standing up and shoving my hands in my pockets. She was too far away for a fucking hand shake so I just nodded my head in her direction.

"Nice to put a face to the name." Renee said. I cleared my throat feeling so out of fucking place I was dying for cigarette. Bella stood up and grabbed her books and sat down on the couch where I was sitting. She grabbed my hand and pulled me down beside her.

"We were just doing some homework." Bella explained focusing on the book in front of her, not too subtly indicating to Renee to leave us alone.

"I can see that." Renee smirked telling me she knew exactly that what we _weren't_ doing was homework. "Well, Phil is just grabbing some dinner, he'll be home soon. Edward." She said. I snapped my head up to meet her gaze. "Would you like to join us for dinner?" She asked smiling a little more softly than she had initially.

The immediate answer that popped into my head was 'fuck no'. I wasn't one to sit and have dinner with the parents. So I had to politely reject the offer without sounding like a prick to Bella.

"Thanks but ah… my dad will be at home waiting for me to have dinner with him." I responded lamely.

"Oh, ok then. Maybe another time then?" She offered. I nodded my head not wanting to give a verbal confirmation. She smirked at Bella before she turned and left the room.

"I can understand why you don't want to stay but I would really like it if you did." Bella said softly, turning herself on the couch to face me.

"Your mum was alright. I thought I was going to get the death glare or something." I said running a hand through my hair.

"Yeah she kind of surprised me too." She sighed. "But I know Phil won't be so gentle."

"Well then I'm off." I said standing up from the couch.

"What? Wait." Bella called for me, getting up and grabbing my hand to stop me. "Why are you in a hurry?" She asked searching my eyes.

"Because I can't deal with fuck wits and if Phil is going to act like a dick to me, I can't promise that I'll just stand back and take it." I said hoping she would understand.

"Oh ok." She frowned. I sighed feeling like shit as I pulled her against my chest and hugged her.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, bright and early." I spoke into her hair. She nodded against me, pulling back and reaching up to place a soft kiss on my lips.

"Thank you for last night." She said blushing slightly.

"Last night? What, for the party?" I asked playing dumb.

"No." She said swatting my arm. "For after."

"Back at my place?" She nodded. "Well I enjoyed having you sleep over too." I smirked as I watched her expression become frustrated.

"Stop it! You know why." She said burying her face into my chest. I started laughing unable to hold back. I was hoping she would have come out and said it out loud.

"You don't need to thank me for that." I said smiling at her.

"I know."

After a quick goodbye to Renee, Bella walked me to my car where I gave her a long and soft kiss good bye. When I arrived home, I went straight for the back yard, lighting a cigarette as I made my way through the house, mumbling a 'hey' to Carlisle on my way. I took a seat on the outdoor lounge and smoked my cigarette in peace. After flicking it onto the grass I made my way back inside where I found Emmett now sitting at the breakfast bar, munching on some chopped carrot as Carlisle made dinner.

"You ok?" I asked Emmett as I took the stool beside him and sat down. He looked tired.

"Just woke up. I left Rosalie's not long after you and Bella left, I was in desperate need of sleep." He explained scrubbing his hands over his face. "Where did you two love birds go?" Emmett asked me. I noticed Carlisle smirk to himself, no doubt at what Emmett said.

"To Bella's. She had homework to do." I said grabbing a carrot piece from the chopping board and popping it into my mouth.

"So she slept over right? Tell me, did you sleep with her?" Emmett asked casually. I slapped him on the back of his head. "Hey! No fair! Innocent question." He complained rubbing the back of his head.

"No it wasn't you dick face. I didn't sleep with her." I said glaring at Carlisle, making sure he knew I was specifically talking to him.

"I have to say, it was surprising to come home and find a girl in my house." Carlisle chuckled. "I've been waiting for that day to come. It was a common occurrence back in Seattle."

"Bella isn't-"

"I know." He said quickly, holding up his hand to me to stop. "That's why I was a little surprised. She's a nice girl."

"She is. Too good for him." Emmett butted in.

"I agree." I sighed. Carlisle smacked Emmett's hand away as he grabbed what was left of the chopped carrot and tossed them into the pot.

"What are you making there?" Emmett asked Carlisle.

"Chicken pot pie." He answered, glancing at us briefly before turning his back to us to stir the pot. Emmett and I shot each other glances. That was quite a complicated dish, he normally kept his meals simple. The man could cook, no doubt about that, but the guy taught himself after my mother passed away so this was a surprise.

"Where you'd learn to make that?" Emmett asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at him. We both watched his back, waiting for him to turn and answer us. But he didn't.

"Just from a cooking show I watched once." He answered a little too casually. Emmett and I exchanged glances. Carlisle hardly ever watched TV and when he did it was always the discovery channel or discovery health.

"Fair enough." Emmett replied, looking at me and shrugging his shoulders.

"I was speaking to your aunt Elizabeth today." He mentioned turning back to us, effectively changing the subject. "She wants us over for thanksgiving."

"So we're going to Seattle for thanksgiving?" I asked, making sure.

He nodded, "Yes."

"Ok, cool." Emmett nodded in agreement.

"How long are you planning on going for?" I asked.

"Well, I thought we'd leave thanksgiving morning and stay for two nights or so. Make the drive there worth while. You two could catch up with old friends." He suggested.

"You can stay two nights, I'll go and come back the same day." I added irritably.

"Why?" Emmett asked looking at me weird.

"Because what do I have in Seattle that requires my presence for more than a day?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him. "Jack shit." I answered.

"Edward-" Carlisle began before I cut him off.

"Don't fucking start with me, ok?" I snapped, standing up abruptly. I could feel the anger surge through me, my fists clenching by my sides. "Seattle has fuck all for me. Nothing but fucking memories of the fuck up my life has become. I will not spend more time than I have to over there." I said pointing my finger at Carlisle angrily, my hand was shaking with my anger. I spun on my heel and sprinted up the stairs, into my room and slammed the door shut. I walked straight for my desk, opening up the first drawer for my vodka.

Empty.

"FUCK!" I said slamming the drawer shut and shaking my entire desk with it, everything toppling over, except for the one photo frame I had sitting there. My eyes locked on the single photo that defied gravity, as if in mocking. I felt my chest clench in the bleak memories and the loss that I had to face. I grabbed my hair in frustration, tugging it roughly, wishing the pain I was causing would overtake the pain in my chest.

That night of the accident was still clear in my mind, not a distant fucking memory like they say happens over time. Still very fucking clear like it happened yesterday, and that is why it still hurt like a bitch. I growled as I fought back the images of that dreaded night, the night I lost my best friend. The night that will forever gnaw at my brain, his screams, his cries for help as I sat back useless to do anything about it.

Without a second thought, I swung my bedroom door open and bolted down the stairs, ignoring Carlisle and Emmett who were still in the kitchen. I heard Emmett call out to me, asking me where I was going but I didn't answer as I stormed out the front door, cigarette between my lips as I struggled to light it as I headed for my car. I took a long ass drag, inhaling deeply allowing that heavenly nicotine to work its magic, but I knew it would take more than fucking nicotine to erase the pain that was twisting and writhing within my chest. I slipped in behind the wheel, turned the ignition and flew down the street, heading for no where in particular. I drove around town, trying to distract myself with my surroundings and take my mind off of shit. After half an hour of driving in circles I found myself outside of Bella's. I killed the engine and sat back in my car. It was getting dark and I could make out the faint light coming from her bedroom window. I knew I would be killed if Phil or Renee found me out here. But I couldn't find it in me to leave or even care. I stepped out of the car, lighting another cigarette as I sent her a text.

**Look out your window – E**

I waited below her window, leaning against the massive tree as I continued to smoke my cigarette as if it would be my last one. I couldn't even think why I was here or what brought me here but a part of me knew I wanted to be here because Bella was the one person that always provided me with the comfort I always so desperately needed. I had no weed, no fucking vodka so I was left with the measly nicotine. A moment later, I heard a little rattle from above. I looked up to find her window opening before her beautiful face peaked over. She looked at me in surprise then confusion. I was waiting for that beautiful smile to grace her perfect face but it never came. I almost left I was so pissed. Was she fucking pissed at me for coming here unannounced?

"What are you doing here?" She whispered loud enough for me to just hear. I shrugged as I flicked the cigarette butt to the floor and stomped on it.

"I don't fucking know." I muttered. Her head disappeared back inside for a moment before she popped back out.

"Do you want to come up?" She asked. My eyebrows shot up at her offer. I was hoping she would come down to me.

"Is it safe?" I asked. She bit her lip in deep thought before she answered.

"Wait a minute." She closed her window shut as I stood and waited. The light illuminating from her room switched off and I furrowed my brows in confusion. I heard talking coming from inside her house on the first floor before the front door opened quietly, Bella stepping out and closing it behind her. She was in a pair of shorts and a black hoodie. It looked like she had thrown on her chucks quickly, leaving the laces undone. She hugged herself from the cold as she approached me, her face concerned as she watched me closely. My eyes raked downward over her body, my cock springing to life as I pictured her creamy legs wrapped around me, my fingertips caressing the silky skin as I licked her neck.

"What's the matter?" Her voice snapped me out of it, her brows furrowed and her lip between her teeth. I didn't answer her. I just pulled her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her as tight as I could against me, needing to feel her, to smell her, to taste her.

I pulled back just enough to press my lips to hers, my hands cupping her face desperately as I kissed her slowly, my body aching for her and the warmth that she always radiated. I pulled back for air, leaning my forehead against hers, inhaling her sweet breath. "I just fucking needed you." I murmured. She nodded against me, asking no more questions. She knew me too well. "Can we get out of here?" I asked, hoping with all I had that she could come with me. I just needed to escape everything.

"Um, sure, but let me just go tell mum that I'll be heading out for a bit." She said quickly as she sprinted up the porch steps and headed inside. I was mesmerized by the muscles in her legs as they contracted with her movements. She was back out within a minute, hurrying back down the steps to me. I opened her door and helped her in. I rounded the car and climbed in, switching the car on and gunning it down her street. We drove in silence. I could tell she was anxious to ask what was wrong with me but she was holding back. I drove till I reached a beach. I pulled into the small parking lot and cut the engine. I laid my head against the headrest, the weight of everything that I've suffered through and the memories of my past weighing heavy on my shoulders.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" She asked softly, her voice harsh against the silence that had been lingering in the car since we left her house. I shook my head unsure if I was ready to talk about it. I called her up so she could help me forget, not remember or relive any of it.

"I just had a little blow up with Carlisle." I answered with an irritated sigh. She rose out of her seat and into my lap, straddling it. My hands instinctively, found her hips, letting my fingers trail beneath her hoddie to feel her bare skin. I rubbed my thumbs in circles over her smooth skin, relishing in the feeling. Her hands found my hair as she began to brush her fingers through it lightly. I moaned at the feeling as my eyes fluttered closed. "Fuck, that feels good."

"Can I ask you a question?" She asked.

"Sure." I answered, keeping my eyes shut.

"Why is it that you call him Carlisle and not Dad?" I opened my eyes to see her studying me closely.

"I used to call him dad." I explained. "But he lost all respect from me when he started treating my mother like shit. He doesn't deserve to be called dad because he sure as hell didn't act like one." I added, the bitterness seeping through my voice.

"Do you know why? I mean, why he wasn't treating her respectfully?" She asked. I shrugged, letting my hands run down her back and to her ass. Fuck, she had a sexy ass, I gave it a little squeeze, pressing her against my hard cock. Ever since she walked out of the house in her tiny shorts my cock's been on full attention. "Edward." She said swatting my shoulder so I could answer.

"Fuck, if I know. If I knew, it would have probably made my life a little easier. I just reckon it's because he is a prick."

"Did he ever… hit her?" She asked hesitantly, seeming worried to hear the answer.

"Fuck no! If he did, I'd be in prison. I would have never put up with that shit." I ran a hand through my hair. "No, it was more verbal abuse. And it was mostly when they were alone in their bedroom or when they'd think Emmett and I were busy in our rooms but I'd hear him, every fucking word."

"And your mother just took it?" She asked. I shrugged.

"That's what hurt the most, she never fought it. She would just take it. It was almost like she thought she deserved every word he sent her way."

"I'm sorry." She murmured.

"Me too. She deserved so much better."

She leaned down and rested her head against my chest, her arms around my neck and her ass pressing into my cock. It was taking everything in me not to grind against her but it was getting late and I knew I had to get her home real soon.

* * *

**So... what did you think. I know there were no lemons in this one, its just there was no room for them...*hides behind corner* but i promise next chapter has some juicy citrus for you smut lovers. **

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	21. Fractured

**A/N - *appears from around corner* Hey! Its been a while! Would you believe me if I said both me and my beta luv4jake were sick? Well its true. First she was, then i got it and we have both been trying to shake it off but it keeps coming back much to our displeasure. As a result, my writing just wasn't all that and then by the time I was satisfied that it was good enough and I sent it to her she was still too sick to have a look at it. And she is STILL sick, so i can never thank her enough for the effort she put to get this to me even though the poor girl should be in bed resting! So a huge thank you and hug to you Nya for your help mwa!!**

**I have the best readers because your reviews make me so giddy! I've gotten a lot of story alerts in the last few weeks so welcome to my new readers!!**

**I'll try not to drag on much longer but i have to say much love to my twitter girls, there is too many of you to list but you all know who are. My days have just become a lot more entertaining with you girls. **

**Stormyinco and Debbliss *hugs tightly* you two know how much i love you....mwa!!!**

**Here is your dose of smokeward. Especially for those of you who kept nagging me for him over the last few weeks hehe**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me...**  
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**BPOV**

"Hey."

"Hey." He replied not looking up from his book. I slid into my usual seat beside him, waiting for him to look up at me and acknowledge my presence properly with his usual bear hug and toothy grin.

I got nothing.

I nudged his shoulder with mine, hoping to elicit some kind of reaction out of him but he kept his eyes firmly glued to his book, completely unfazed by my motion to attract his attention. Frustration began to wash over me. One thing that always annoyed me with him was his silent treatments. I hated silent treatments, they got you no where. How was I supposed to know what had him upset or angry with me if he wasn't going to tell me?

"Jake?" I said.

"What?" He huffed, turning to look at me for the first time that morning.

"What's wrong?"

"With…?" He asked, shaking his head for me to elaborate. His eyes were distant, the warmth and shine that was usually reflected in them void.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked, cursing the nervousness in my voice.

"Can we not talk about this now? Leave it till after school." He stated in annoyance and turning his attention back to his books. "I'll come back to your place." He added.

"Ah…" I began,

"Is there a problem?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, don't worry about it. I'll just-"

"Oh, that's right." He said laughing mockingly, "Every afternoon is now spent with the douche. I understand. I'll make sure from now on that I try and book in some available time with my _best friend_, because God forbid she misses a few hours of holding hands and making out." He sneered. I stared back at him in shock, chewing my bottom lip in hurt. Was that was this was about, the fact that we barely saw each other anymore? I guess he had every right to be pissed with me. He used to spend a few evenings a week having dinner at my place and doing homework together. I can surely say that I had been neglecting our time together lately and I hadn't even stopped to think what it was doing to Jake.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I never meant to-"

"Just save it." He snapped, cutting me off.

I flinched back from his tone but said nothing. This has been a long time coming and I was stupid not to have done anything about it sooner.

I turned my focus to my notes but after reading the first sentence 5 times and still not comprehending the words before me, I knew my attempt at veering my thoughts was futile.

We spent the rest of history listening to Mr. Henderson which to be honest, never happens. Jake and I have been threatened to be separated on numerous occasions because of our constant chattering. But today no such thing occurred. Jake continued to sit beside me like I didn't even exist. He didn't speak to me, didn't look at me and when I asked him a question about our work hoping to get him to respond he simply pointed to the paragraph in my open text book, indicating to me the answer was right there. His eyes never met mine, his mouth never spoke words.

Silence.

I got nothing but silence

And it was starting to annoy the shit out of me.

When the end of class bell sounded, Jake packed his things, stood up and with a mumbled 'see you' was out the door before I could move. I was on the verge of tears, pissed at him for treating me like I didn't exist, like I meant nothing to him. We've been best friends for 13 years. He knows by now that there shouldn't be any beating around the bush with us. We had no formalities between the two of us, we knew each other inside and out but it seemed we had lost that in the last few months. I gathered my stuff and trudged my way out of class, my glum mood evident through my walk and face. I didn't even bother hiding it.

Angela, Rose and Alice all sensed my mood in math and it didn't take them long to figure out it was because of Jacob.

"You need to talk to him." Alice suggested, placing her hand over mine on the table.

"I am. He wants to talk after school. I hadn't realized how much I had been neglecting him, you know? I feel like shit." I said sounding disgusted with myself.

"It's normal Bella. That's always the case at the start of a new relationship. Everything and everyone else takes a back seat most of the time. I'm sure he'll understand." Angela offered.

"Thanks. I just hate feeling like I've hurt him."

"Everything will be ok." Alice assured me with a smile.

"On a brighter note, have you girls seen Lauren's eyebrows?" Rosalie asked with laugh.

That helped elicit a laugh out of me. Apparently, Lauren had come to school sporting the worst pair of drawn on eyebrows, or so I'd heard. I had yet to see them myself.

The rest of the school day past me by in a blur, my thoughts occupied with Jake and our impending 'talk'. I was hoping it would put a stop to all this tip toeing that had been going around since I started hanging out with Edward.

As I was shoving my books into my locker at lunch, I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't heard Edward and Emmett approaching.

"I've missed you." Edward whispered into my ear from behind, snaking his arms around my waist and pressing his body against mine. I jumped in surprise but quickly relaxed into his hold.

"I've missed you too." I replied, shutting my locker and turning in his arms to face him.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Nothing." I said shaking my head not wanting to get into it with him.

"Come on you two, Emmett's hungry." Emmett yelled over to us. I turned to him, smiling slightly.

"Since when is Emmett not hungry?" Edward asked him, speaking about him in third person as well. He entwined his fingers with mine and placed a soft kiss on the back of my hand as we caught up with Emmett to head to the cafeteria.

"Did Edward tell you that Jane tried to invite him in to check her plumbing this morning?" Emmett snickered.

"No." I said turning to Edward with a raised eyebrow in question. He shrugged his shoulders, brushing it off.

"She hits on Carlisle too. She is just desperate for some dick." Edward explained.

"Who's Jane?" I asked in confusion.

"Our cougar of a next door neighbor. I must say, she is hot and if I was just desperate enough I would probably do her." Emmett responded. I nodded my head slowly, taking in what Emmett just said and trying not to act too surprised. Just as we reached the entry to the cafeteria Lauren appeared in front of us out of no where. I coughed to hide my laugh when I saw just what everyone had been talking about today. She had 'attempted' to draw back her eyebrows but she hadn't done a very good job. One was a little thicker than the other one and a little crooked. She narrowed her eyes at me in a glare before drawing her attention to Emmett.

"You! Where in the fuck did you go Saturday night? I know you have something to do with the little prank you played and you're not going to get away with it." She snapped at him, her hands on her hips.

"Lauren," Edward began, his eyes furrowed as he studied her, "… um, don't take any offense to this but, there is something different about you today and I can't quite seem to pick out exactly what-"

"Fuck you!" She spat at him.

"Oh!" Edward said clicking his fingers as if he just figured it out, completely ignoring her insult. "Your eye brows! What happened?" He asked, looking seriously concerned.

"Is that what it is?" Emmett asked, playing along. Lauren flushed a light shade of pink obviously uncomfortable with the attention on her brows, or lack there of, but kept her face composed. She took a step forward toward Emmett and shoved her finger roughly into his chest.

"You're a fucking prick! I know you did this and you won't get away with it." She seethed. Emmett rubbed his chest, his face wincing from the pain. Edward cleared his throat, releasing my hand he had been holding and reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone.

"Lauren, I just need your opinion on something quickly." He said, his eyes focused on his phone as I watched him open up his pictures. He clicked on one of the many pictures he took of her laying on the bed with no eyebrows and turned his phone toward her. "Do you recognize this girl? News is going around that she escaped from some kind of asylum." He shrugged nonchalantly. "Apparently she keeps removing her eyebrows and they don't know-" Edward was cut off when she roughly shoved him against his chest before spinning on her heel and rushing off. Emmett was laughing so hard beside me that he was earning various looks of confusion from passing students.

Edward and I continued to stifle our laughter as we made our way into the cafeteria. Our encounter with Lauren had helped me forget my previous issues until I spotted Jake sitting at Paul's table with James and Seth. My laughter died when I realized just how pissed he was with me that he wouldn't even sit at my table. Edward, Emmett and I headed over to our usual table where Alice and Jasper were already waiting.

"You're not yourself." Edward murmured into my ear as we sat down. I turned to him, my eyes meeting his concerned green ones.

"It's nothing." I said shaking my head.

"You don't want to tell me?" He asked, not backing down.

I turned to face him fully, "I might have to skip going to your place this afternoon." I explained. He scowled at me. "I need to talk to Jake, that's all."

"About?"

"I don't really know myself." I sighed. "He has a few things he wants to discuss with me."

"And it's going to take all fucking afternoon?" He asked incredulously.

"I don't know. It's just for today." I pleaded for his understanding.

"Whatever." He said dismissively, turning his attention to the rest of our table.

Was this what sharing my time between the two of them was going to lead to?

In biology, I called Mike over to my table to discuss the job offer at his parent's shop. The holidays were approaching and I knew I needed some extra money for gifts.

"Only if the position is still available." I said to Mike, who stood at the edge of our bench.

"It is. I'll speak to my mum and we'll sort out an afternoon for you to come in and see how everything works."

"Well, thanks so much, Mike. Really."

"Hey, no problem. It will actually be good to have someone keep me company during work. It'll give us a chance to hang out more often." Mike smiled. A low growl came from beside me, snapping Mike's attention as well as mine to Edward. He kept his focus on his phone but I very well knew he wasn't growling from whatever it was he was checking out on his phone.

"I'll let you know everything tomorrow." Mike said, alerting my attention back to him.

"Sure thing." I agreed. He nodded with a smile, his eyes briefly darting toward Edward in question before turning and walking back to his desk.

I turned in my stool to face Edward and raised an eyebrow at him. He slipped his phone into his back pocket and proceeded to open up his books, not meeting my gaze.

"Is there a problem?" He asked, his eyes focused on his books. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I was going to ask you that exact same question." He looked up from his books and locked his eyes with mine.

"Do you really need to take up a job?" He asked.

"The holidays are coming up and I could use some extra cash." I explained. "Why?"

"Can you find a job elsewhere?" He asked, his eyes darting back and forth between me and Mike who was back at his own desk.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because he still seems to have a thing for you. His dick is probably dancing with fucking overjoyed excitement right now at the fact that you two have time to 'hang out' now." He said using air quotes and altering his voice to sound just like Mike.

"You don't trust me?" I asked, slightly offended.

"It's him I don't trust." He said through gritted teeth.

"Edward, there is nothing for you to worry about." I said with a little annoyance. I turned back to my notes hoping he would just drop it.

I couldn't have been happier when Mr. Molena walked in and started class. I had no idea why Edward would even worry about Mike. He wasn't a threat. The thought of it was absurd.

Edward walked me out to meet Jake after school, hand in hand. Since I had been riding to school with Edward every day now, I was going home with Jacob today. Standing there, and waiting for me by his car was Jacob, leaning against it with his hands shoved into his pockets. It didn't pass me how Edward's hand tightened around mine when he spotted him.

"Jake." Edward nodded once we reached him. Jake nodded in response but said nothing. He turned his gaze to me.

"Ready?" He asked, seeming uncomfortable and impatient to leave as he pushed himself off the car. He opened the passenger side door for me to get in but I was suddenly pulled against Edward's chest before his lips crashed to mine. He cupped my face desperately, thrusting his tongue between my lips, circling it around my own as I opened up for him to allow him better access. A part of me knew this was for show, a way to brand me as you will. But despite that, Edward controlled my body. My mind was screaming for me to stop, it was unfair to Jacob to witness but my body was reacting to Edward on its on accord, my heart thrashing in excitement and my hands clinging to his shirt to keep him close. It was a moment later that I untangled myself from Edward, surrendering to my brain's protests to stop. Placing one last quick kiss on my lips, Edward said goodbye before smirking at Jake as he turned around and headed toward his Beemer.

I stood frozen in place for a second, afraid to look into Jake's eyes. I felt like shit and despite enjoying the kiss, another part of me was angry at Edward for putting me in this position with Jacob. Quickly taming my hair that Edward had mildly messed up, I turned to Jake, smiled curtly and slipped into my seat without a word. I flinched when he slammed my door shut, his anger radiating off of him as he rounded the car and climbed in behind the wheel.

The drive to my house was quiet and the tension in the car was thick. I wanted to wait till I was in the comfort of my room to speak, and preferably a few feet away from Jake.

"He really is something isn't he?" Jake scoffed, pacing my room.

"I'm sorry. That was-"

"Save it." Jake cut me off harshly. "He likes to fuck with me. He lives off that kind of shit." He added shaking his head in disgust. "He thinks this is some kind of game. He likes to play me. Push my buttons and Bella, I'm fucking sorry to say but one day I'm going to lose it with him."

I stood back and watched him pace my room, unsure of what to say. I knew that defending Edward would be falling on deaf ears and just irritate him further so I remained quiet, allowing Jacob to get it out of his system.

"I don't know what you see in him." He said halting his steps and piercing his gaze into mine.

"Tell me why you weren't talking to me this morning." I demanded, hoping to steer the conversation in the direction I wanted it. This was, after all, the reason why we were here.

"Bella, I can understand that he is your boyfriend and that you want to spend every waking moment with him. But that doesn't mean you can completely ignore me. When was the last time we hung out?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest. "Outside of school?" He added quickly. The fact that I had to think about it confirmed for me it'd been too long. I shifted on my feet, uncomfortable under his questioning gaze.

"A few weeks." I murmured too ashamed to admit it any louder.

"A few weeks." He agreed in disappointment. "You barely spoke to me at the Halloween party." He accused.

"You were off getting drunk with your mates!" I said incredulously. "You know how I feel about Paul. I don't like him when he is drunk. I don't like it when _you're_ drunk." I said in annoyance.

"You stayed with him at his place that night." He affirmed. He was looking at me almost with disgust and it was starting to really piss me off. "Did you sleep with him? Did you give in to his pressure and let him have sex with you?"

"That is none of your business!" I snapped. "But no I didn't and he doesn't pressure me. Don't you stand there and accuse him of bull shit when you don't even know him!"

"Have you forgotten the shit that you went through?" He asked, my heart jolted at the turn the conversation had taken. He knew I hated to talk about this but yet he was bringing it up. Yes, it was for my own benefit but that did it make it any easier. "Do you not realize what you will suffer through if this ends badly?"

"He won't hurt me." I defended.

"You don't know that." He retorted. It was true, I didn't but I refused to confirm it. "I don't trust him, Bella." He said with a shake of his head.

"_I _trust him and that is all that matters."

"Why are you being so fucking blind?" He asked irritably, walking up to me and standing right in front of my face, holding my gaze with his. "Why are you acting so ignorant?"

"Go to hell!" I spat, my anger boiling over. "Get out!" I said walking to my bedroom door and swinging it open, waiting for him to leave. He didn't. He stood there, staring at me with an almost pained expression on his face. He took a deep breath, his chest rising before blowing out a gust of air through his cheeks, his head falling back as he stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry." He apologized, lowering his head to look at me. I met his gaze, my anger ebbing as I watched how contrite he was.

"Why?" I asked. He furrowed his brows in confusion, so I felt the need to elaborate. "Why can't you just let me do this and stop with the interfering? There is a fine line between concern and domineering, Jake. And you're leaning toward the latter."

"Domineering?" He asked in disbelief. "You're fucking kidding me. Put yourself in my fucking position, I would hope you'd be acting the same way. But wait, no, sorry, watching my friend refuse to eat and shrink to nothing but skin and bones before my eyes is not so bad."

I stood frozen in place, tears blurring my vision as I tried hard to fight them back. This was a sensitive topic, one I couldn't handle to discuss in depth. Especially when I hear someone else talk about it because I know I was responsible for their heartache. His face softened when he saw my eyes glass over, shaking his head at himself before he closed the distance between us and engulfed me in his warm bear hug. My arms flew around him, holding him to me tightly and desperate for his warmth and calm to wash over me.

"I'm a dick and I'm sorry but that doesn't mean everything I said wasn't true." He said into my hair. A lone tear trickled out that I quickly swiped away as I pulled back from his hug. I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded at him in understanding. I did get him. I did understand that everything he said was out of concern and I loved him for it. He dragged us over to my bed where we lay down side by side on our backs. We lay in silence for a while, my head going over his words over and over again.

I was the first to speak, "Jake," my voice came out a little hoarse from my tears so I cleared my throat before starting again, "Jake, I understand everything you said, I really do and I appreciate your concern but there is a line that I have to draw. Voicing your concerns and making them known to me is different than forcing them upon me."

"It's only-"

"Let me finish, please." I said cutting him off. "I'm a big girl, I have suffered through shit I know and I know the consequences if this doesn't work out how I want but I'm willing to take that chance. I love him, Jake." I said sitting up and crossing my legs. He went silent. After a few moments I chanced a glance at him, he was staring at me, seeming shocked by my admission. He didn't say anything right away and I wasn't sure whether it was because of disbelief or hurt. I knew he felt something for me and that he had hopes that we could have a chance one day so this kind of news wouldn't be too pleasant for him.

"I'll back off." He said, ignoring my last statement. "But I can't promise my actions toward him."

"Understood." I agreed, knowing that was the most I was going to get from him.

We spent the rest of the evening making dinner together. When Phil and Renee got him we all ate together before Jake and I headed back up to my room to work on homework. He seemed himself, he wasn't distant or cold and I was relieved with that. There were still a lot of issues between Jake and I that we hadn't yet discussed and it was going to take more than an afternoon to sort them out. I was willing to spend more time with him, I had to, it was unfair to him to continue neglecting him like I currently was.

****

"I'm going to Seattle for Thanksgiving." Edward said from his place near the stereo. I looked up at him, disappointment washing over me at the fact that I probably wasn't going to see him for a few days. My chest tightened at the thought.

"Oh." I mumbled, unsure of what else to say.

"That's what the fight was about. Sunday night." He added turning to face me. He looked troubled.

"You don't want to go?" I asked tucking my feet beneath me on the couch.

"He wants us to stay there for a few nights. I don't think I can." He said shaking his head as he ran a hand through his unruly hair. "Are you going to be in Seattle with your dad?" His voice was almost pleading. I knew there was more to this than just wanting me to be close to him.

"I don't know." I answered shrugging. "That all depends on Mum and Phil."

"Ok." He nodded turning back to his stereo.

I laid my head back on the couch tired after the day I had at school. I was given another essay in English and a math test to study for on Friday. I felt like snuggling up next to Edward and just sleeping.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked biting my lip nervously. I knew I was taking a risk asking this question so I had to be careful how I worded it.

"Shoot." Edward said, keeping his back to me as he fiddled with his iPod beside his Stereo.

"Um, you know on Saturday night when we were dancing," I began watching his back closely for any signs that I may cross the line. His shoulders were still relaxed. "… and you started singing in my ear…" I trailed off as I watched his shoulders tense slightly, if I hadn't been watching him so closely I probably wouldn't have noticed. I took a deep breath before I continued. "…well, I want to know when you learnt to sing like that? I mean your voice is… incredible." Or lack of a better word. _Incredible_ didn't even begin to describe his voice. Just the thought of it sent a shiver to erupt through me.

I watched as he ran both hands through his hair and then turned around to me. His face was composed but I could see past the façade and into the way his body seemed tense, his movements, his hands raking through his hair every few seconds.

"I've been singing since I was a kid. It wasn't something I was taught or went to classes to learn. I kinda taught myself." He paused as if in deep thought before he walked over to sit on the edge of his bed facing me.

"I've always had this natural talent for music. I was in piano lessons as a kid, it came to me naturally. I was better than most adults at just the age of 6. At the age of 8 I wanted to venture from piano, try something different. The guitar had always been something I'd been anxious to try, so Carlisle bought me one and I taught myself. Carlisle was so proud of me." He scoffed lightly. "It was the biggest pleasure for him watching me play." He paused for a moment and I said nothing, allowing him sort out his issues. He seemed to be struggling a little.

"With guitar it's easy to sing along too. I used to write music a lot with Pe…" He stopped abruptly, his eyes darting to mine for a split second before looking at the ground. He got up from his bed and began pacing. As I came to ask him if he was alright he continued talking.

"As I used to write music, I'd sing along, the lyrics would just pour out of me. I haven't played my guitar in almost 2 years. I've… lost my muse. And also because it pisses Carlisle off." He was at his stereo again, fiddling with something or other. His tense muscles were visible through his grey t-shirt. I watched him for a moment longer, he seemed to be having some sort of internal battle. I've never seen him look so vulnerable. I got up from the couch and walked over to him from behind. I let my hands run up his back, spreading outwards to his shoulders and then back down soothingly. I felt him begin to relax a little beneath my hands after a few repetitions. On my way back up, I kept going till I reached the hair at the nape of his neck, threading my fingers through it, a light moan escaped him.

"Edward." I murmured. "Turn around."

He turned slowly, his eyes dark and sad, I smiled softly at him hoping to get a smile in return. Instead, he gazed at me, his eyes boring into mine before he leaned down and kissed me. My hands tightened in his hair, desperate for him to keep kissing me as I parted my lips and opened up to him. His tongue met mine, the feeling causing a surge of arousal to shoot through me and settle between my thighs. His hands went to the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head frenetically before he tossed it to the floor. As our kiss became heated, our breaths became short and ragged as his mouth moved down to my neck, sucking, licking and biting his way down my chest. With a quick flick of one hand, the clasp to my bra released and he was sliding the straps down my arms, my bra joining my top on the floor. Without wasting time his mouth was on my already hardened nipple, flicking his tongue over it before latching his mouth and sucking it. My head fell back, my fingers knotted into his hair holding him place.

"I need these off." He growled, dropping to his knees before me, as his hands worked frantically on the zipper of my jeans. He ripped the fly open and tugged them down my legs roughly as he helped me step out of them. He froze. I looked down to see him staring at my crotch. Or more like, my deep blue cotton thong.

"You're fucking with me." He murmured almost to himself before he looked up, his thick dark lashes framing his beautiful green eyes. My chest was heaving with my breaths as I watched his eyes darken incredibly. I never wore normal panties with jeans because they would just bunch up at the sides and irritate me. So with the help of Rosalie and Alice, my drawer was full of thongs, different colors and styles.

I watched him swallow thickly as his hands moved to my bare ass, a long groan escaping him as he squeezed me, his long fingers digging into my flesh and causing me to whimper.

"Do you have any fucking idea, any fucking concept of what you've done to me right now?" He breathed as he leaned his head against my stomach. I could feel his uneven breaths against my stomach. "It is taking everything in my fucking power not to rip these off and take you." His words caused a shiver to erupt through me. I had never felt so turned on before. I grabbed him by the shoulders, indicating for him to stand up. As he did, I crashed my lips to his, my hands finding the fly of his jeans as I tried to rip them off desperately.

"Take these off." I breathed. I wasn't sure what came over me, where my boldness came from but nothing was going to stop me now. I needed to feel as much of him against me. He pushed my fumbling hands out of the way as he ripped his jeans open and roughly tugged the down before kicking them to the side of his room.

"Bella, I need to stop." He pleaded against my lips as I thrust my fingers into his hair and deepened the kiss. He groaned into my mouth, as one of his hands squeezed my breast and the other rolled the puckered nipple between his fingers.

"Shit. Please don't stop." I begged as I pushed myself against him, his erection pressing into my stomach. He dropped his hands to my ass and lifted me up, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist.

"I have to, make me fucking stop." He pleaded breathlessly. His actions were betraying his words. "I can't do this." He said as he stumbled back, his back meeting the wall behind him. I shook my head against him. As much as I wanted to go all the way in this moment, I knew I wasn't ready, we both weren't. It would be too quick, but despite that, I didn't want him to stop what he was doing. I just wanted him to touch me.

As if reading my mind, his hand trailed passed my ass from behind till his fingers met my opening.

"You're so fucking wet…. Fuck." He panted rubbing me over the material. I whimpered, pressing myself against his finger desperately, needing the friction. He pushed us off the wall and stumbled his way to the bed, dropping us onto the edge in a sitting position with me straddling him. My naked chest was pressed up against his naked chest as we kissed each other frantically. Slipping the string of my thong aside, he wasted no time slipping a finger into me. A long moan escaped me, my eyes rolling into the back of my head. My breaths quickened as I dropped my head to his shoulder, unable to focus on anything else besides the sensations his fingers were creating.

"Edward… shit." I moaned as he thrust his finger in and out of me. My legs were wide open as they wrapped around his waist allowing him to thrust deeper than he had that first night. Without warning he slipped a second finger into me, the friction causing me to cry out. The pressure in the pit of my stomach increased ten fold as he thrust into me.

"Don't stop… I'm so close Edward." I pleaded breathlessly. My breaths were coming in short pants, the immense pressure building and building.

"That's it baby girl, come for me… fucking come for me." He growled into my ear. That was my undoing as I felt my walls clench around his fingers, Edward's lips crashing to mine, no doubt to silence my moans of pleasure. I felt myself spilling over his fingers as he continued to thrust in and out of me, prolonging my ecstasy as my body shook against his.

As my body fell limp, his kiss softened, his tongue stroking mine, taking his time to kiss me. It was amazing what a good kisser he was, the way his tongue moved against mine always made me light headed. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, then bit it as he pulled back, pulling my lip with him.

"So beautiful." He said softly. I watched as he lifted the hand that he had used on me and licked his fingers that he had thrust into me. My eyes locked on his mouth as he hummed and sucked, pulling them out slowly.

"You taste incredible." He said, locking his eyes with mine. I stared back at his dark jade eyes, my heart still beating rapidly and swelling with the love I felt for him. He was becoming every thing I wanted and everything I needed. This was it, I have fallen so deep in love with him that there was no turning back. Not that I would ever begin to even entertain the idea of it.

His feelings for me were still a little fuzzy, I knew that much. I don't know whether he loves me, which I doubt he does. He doesn't strike me as someone that just falls in love and not to mention the fact that he is so closed off from people. Opening his heart up to allow me in wouldn't be as easy as I hoped it'd be.

He smiled crookedly at me, placing a soft kiss on my lips. As I adjusted myself in his lap, he groaned when I brushed against his still hard erection. I bit my lip as I contemplated touching him.

"Can I try something?" I asked nervously. I really wanted to make him feel good. To feel him and bring him pleasure like he has to me.

"Sure, what is it?" He asked, searching my eyes. I slipped off his lap and made him scoot to the head of his bed so that his back was against the head board. I grabbed his shirt that was close by and slipped it on. He looked at with disappointment.

I felt the need to explain "Sorry, it's just that-" He shook his head cutting off.

"I understand." He reassured me. And I believed that he did. It was easier in the heat of the moment to let go but my self consciousness seemed to kick back into gear once my mind cleared.

I climbed into bed and kneeled beside him, sitting back on my heels and facing him.

"I want to touch you." I said, my heart thrashing in my chest in anticipation.

"Bella, you don't have to do anything. Don't feel obligated-"

"I want to." I said confidently.

"Ok." He nodded slowly.

"But, I need you to guide me because I have no idea what I'm doing." I chuckled nervously.

"Ok." He said again, smirking at me. I lifted my hand out of my lap and brought it to the massive bulge in his boxers. As soon as my hand made contact with him he groaned, his eyes fixated on my hand over his cock. I grasped it lightly through the thin cotton and began to move my hand up and down slowly. I watched his eyes, now glazed over as they darkened and focused on my hand working his cock. My heart was galloping within my chest, the excitement of finally touching him coursing through my system and making me bolder.

"I want to touch you… properly." I said, indicating for him to lower his boxers. He seemed a little surprised by my demand but complied, lifting himself up slightly and pushing his boxers down his hips, past his knees till they fell by his feet. I wished I could have controlled my reaction a little better because the gasp that escaped me was embarrassing. He was up at full attention, long and thick and hard… so incredibly hard. That was supposed to fit inside of me? I couldn't allow myself to think that otherwise I would freak out. He was beautiful though. Gosh, his dick was just as perfect as the rest of him. He must have noticed my expression because he chuckled as he lifted a hand and cupped my heated cheek tenderly.

"It won't bite." He teased. I glared at him, annoyed he was making fun of me but knowing it was just an attempt to lighten the situation for me. I hesitated before grasping his cock lightly, causing Edward to suck in a ragged breath. I began moving my hand, surprised that I was feeling a pool of pleasure form between my legs just by touching him like this.

"I don't know if I'm doing this right." I said uncomfortably as I moved my hand. I wasn't sure how fast or how tight I was supposed to grip him. He brought his hand over mine, wrapping his fingers around mine as he set a slow pace, moving my hand up and down his shaft.

"You're doing fine. Start off slow and build it up." He said softly, guiding my hand up and down his shaft. He picked up the pace, his head falling back against the head board, his eyes shut tight as he worked our hands. He tightened his grip around my hand effectively tightening my grip around his cock. I bit my lip, completely surprising myself at how turned on I was getting just by touching him. I never thought it would be something I would enjoy but I was. He released his hand but I kept moving mine.

"That's it, baby. Keep going." He groaned as his lips parted, his chest rising and falling with his rapid breaths. I felt him twitch within my hand. I noticed the bead of pre-cum on the tip of his shaft so I ran my palm over the head, spreading the pre-cum over his shaft allowing my hand to move easier. "Fuck." He growled as I continued to pump him. I watched his hands fist by his sides, his brows scrunching in pleasure. "Faster, baby." He began to pant. "Your hand feels so good." I quickened my pace, my arm getting a little tired but not enough to discourage me. I tightened my grip a little more, moving my hand up and down his shaft and feeling him harden further within my hand if that were even possible. "Fucking shit… I'm close." He moaned, his chest beginning to heave with his short breaths. "I'm gonna come… fuck!" He began pulsing within my hand, Edward's hand shooting over mine to stop his cum from spurting everywhere.

He sat panting as I felt his dick repeatedly twitch in my hand as he rode out the waves of his orgasm. He removed his hands, his cum all over his hands and down his shaft and some on my hand too. I bolted up off the couch and ran for the box of tissues he had sitting beside his bed. I grabbed the box and rushed back over to him, pulling out a bunch of tissues and handing them to him. He took them off me and began wiping down his hands and wincing as he tried to wipe down his cock.

"It's so fucking sensitive." He said, as he dabbed himself clean. After wiping my hands down, I grabbed the used tissues and threw them into the waste basket he had sitting beside his desk.

"That was so fucking incredible." He said.

"Really?" I asked, a smile gracing my face. I was scared of doing something wrong and not meeting his expectations. We both knew how many girls he has been with and I was sure my inexperience would just make it harder for him to feel anything good from me.

"Really. Come here." He said looking at me. I leaned in, pressing my lips to his and reveling in the warmth of his mouth. I pulled back, placing another chaste kiss on his lips before pulling back completely.

"I need to go clean up, fuck, I should have thought this through a little better." He groaned as he got up and stepped into his boxers before leaving the room. I shuffled around for my clothes, grabbing my jeans from beside the stereo and quickly tugging them on. I took off Edward's shirt, placing it on the bed before grabbing my bra and slipping it on. I suddenly realized I couldn't feel my necklace around my neck. After wearing something for 7 years and never taking it off you feel naked without it. My hands shot to my bare neck as my eyes widened in horror.

_No, no, no, no, no_

My eyes darted the floor of the room, frantically searching for the necklace that Jacob had given to me for my tenth birthday. The necklace that held so much meaning and sentiment that I would die if I lost it.

"Shit, shit, shit." I chanted as I started lifting up clothes off the floor, under the bed and under all the pillows thinking it may have slipped off during our little fun. My eyes found my top laying on the floor and rushing to it, I picked it up and began to shake it, thinking my necklace may have gotten caught in it as Edward ripped my shirt off.

"What's the matter?" Edward asked as he stepped back in. Just as I came to answer, my necklace fell to the floor. I picked it up and held it in my hands, inspecting it to see if it was broken. It was.

"Your necklace." Edward said as if answering his question. "Is it broken?" He asked standing in front of me to get a closer look.

Ignoring him, I grabbed my shirt and shook it some more trying to look for the 'B' pendant that had fallen from the chain. When nothing fell out, I threw my shirt to the side of the room in frustration as I dropped to my knees to look under the bed again. I couldn't lose this. Jake would freak.

"What are you looking for?"

"The pendant. It's missing." I replied shortly. I heard him sigh before he started looking around with me. After finding nothing I sat myself on the end of his bed and inspected the chain.

"It must have gotten caught in my shirt as you ripped my shirt off and it snapped." I said with a sad sigh. "Shit, it's snapped here. This can't be fixed."

"I'll get you a new chain, no big deal." He offered. "I'm surprised it lasted that long, that wasn't even gold. It was-"

"It doesn't matter how much it cost!" I cut him off irritably. "It's the meaning behind it."

He didn't answer me, I chanced a glance up at him and saw he was brushing his hair back off his face but those few rebellious locks would just fall back forward onto his forehead.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. "Its just I've had this for seven years. Jake worked hard back then to earn enough money to buy it for me and it was before all the crap in our life began." I explained. He stared at me for a moment before taking a deep breath and nodding.

"I know." He sighed before walking to me and pulling me up into a hug. "We'll find it. It's got to be here somewhere." I leant my head onto his chest, my mood going to shit after this. "Could we just go grab something to eat? I'm starving."

"Sure, let's go." I agreed, reluctantly getting up. I quickly grabbed my top and slipped it back on with my shoes before we both headed down stairs. We found Emmett rummaging through the fridge.

"You hungry too?" Edward asked.

"I just had a sandwich but my stomach's still growling." He said straightening up and shutting the fridge.

"How bout I make some dinner for us?" I offered, cooking would help take my mind off the necklace.

"You don't have to do-"

"That would be great-"

Edward and Emmett started at the same time.

"No, we'll just get some pizza." Edward said glaring at Emmett.

"No, I think this is the perfect opportunity to teach you both how to cook. You can't always live on pizza." I said.

"You sure?" Edward asked again snaking his arms around my waist from behind.

"Yep, I want to." I assured him.

"Oh Bella, you're my new best friend." Emmett said walking over to me and throwing his big arm over my shoulder. "You're my new BFF." He grinned. I giggled as I turned to hug him. He was such a teddy bear.

After much debate and a thorough search of the pantry and fridge for available ingredients we agreed on spaghetti Bolognese. I thought it was simple enough. I grabbed some mince meat from the freezer and threw it into the microwave to defrost while I handed Emmett the task of chopping onions. Edward was putting a big pot of water on the stove to boil.

"Fuck." I heard Emmett sniff. "I can't see what I'm doing here." He cried. I grabbed a few paper towels and handed them to him to wipe down his eyes. "Fuck, cooking is hard work." He complained. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"Hard work? You've barely chopped the onion, this is the easiest bit." I explained.

"Move over, dick. I'll do it." Edward said shoving Emmett aside. I watched as Edward began to chop the onion, his technique was hilarious but I let him do his thing. It wasn't long still he started tearing up too.

"Motherfucker!" He complained dropping the knife and walking away. "I can't do this shit."

"Told you!" Emmett pointed at him as he grabbed the pasta to throw into the big pot. I sighed and took over quickly chopping the onion and a few cloves of garlic. After grabbing another smaller pot, I tossed them in with some olive oil and gave Emmett the task of stirring, it was simple enough.

"What can I do, baby girl?" Edward asked as I grabbed a tin can of tomatoes.

"Open this." I said. He grabbed a can opener and began to open to it.

"Give me something proper to do, I need to learn this shit." He said sounding determined.

"Well, could you dice some bacon?" I asked. He nodded and without another word ripped open the pack of bacon that I had waiting on the counter and began dicing. Once he was done and after giving him a proud kiss on the cheek, I tossed in the bacon with the onion as Emmett continued to stir. A moment later I added the meat to the pot and explained to Emmett how he had to break it all up. He happily agreed as he continued on his task.

I ordered Edward to throw the tomatoes into the pot with some tomato paste and the herbs I had waiting on the side. I drained the spaghetti and left it in the strainer till the sauce was done. We let the sauce simmer while we packed up, Edward complaining that this was too much work for one dish.

"And this is supposed to be easy?" He asked.

"Well, pretty much. It's quite basic."

"Stick with the BLT next time. That looked way simpler and way less mess." He grumbled.

"Emmett!" I scolded when I found him eating the cooked pasta out of the strainer with a fork. He froze, spaghetti strands hanging out of his mouth as he tried to quickly slurp them in. He grinned with a shrug.

"I was hungry?" He offered as a measly explanation. I shook my head at him before checking on the sauce. It had thickened up nicely. Edward appeared beside me with three plates ready for serving. I scooped a generous amount of spaghetti into the first plate as Emmett appeared on my other side.

"More." He said, eyeing the plate. I raised an eyebrow before adding some more.

"More." He said again, smiling sheepishly. I chuckled as I grabbed some more and placed into his plate. He grinned at me before grabbing the plate off Edward and walking to the pot with the sauce to pour over his spaghetti before settling himself down at the breakfast bar. I served up two more plates for Edward and me before we both took our seats and dug in with some crusty bread.

Emmett absolutely loved it as did Edward, both of them moaning in satisfaction with each mouthful. I was the last to finish as per usual since I purposely always ate slow to ensure I never over ate. I poured the left over spaghetti and sauce into some containers ready for Carlisle for when he got home from work. And also to take home with me for Renee and Phil since there was a lot left over.

We sat in front of the TV for a bit in the lounge with Emmett. I was snuggled into Edward's side, my head resting against his chest as I thought about Jake and my necklace. I was so upset about it, there was no arguing that and now I feared telling Jake about it, especially if I told him just exactly how it had happened.

"You ok? You're awfully quiet." Edward said, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I nodded against him but said nothing.

A moment later Carlisle arrived home, walking into the lounge to greet us.

"Good afternoon Carlisle." I said with a smile. I wondered if it looked forced because it sure as hell felt that way. Eyeing the man in front of me, his warm blue eyes and smile it was hard to picture the rough aggressive man Edward had told me about. It was unsettling.

"Good afternoon Bella." I watched as his eyes darted to Edward who was still staring intently at the TV obviously ignoring his father. The tension between them was palpable. Carlisle averted his gaze to Emmett as he asked him about school.

"I smell tomatoes… and garlic?" Carlisle guessed, scrunching his brows in concentration.

"My BFF here," Emmett began pointing at me, "… cooked for us today some spaghetti Bolognese. Beats yours any day." Emmett laughed.

"Well, I have only been cooking for just over two years, give me a break." Carlisle chuckled. He turned his gaze back to me, "Thank you Bella. That was very nice of you to do. Its not often these boys get a home cooked meal." He said genuinely.

"It was no problem. I enjoyed it."

With a polite good bye Carlisle walked off and left us to it. An hour later I had to leave to head home in time for Renee and Phil. I grabbed the spaghetti that I had put aside to take home with me and headed out to my truck. Just as I was placing the container safely on the passenger seat I felt Edward behind me.

"Hey." He said. I turned around and looked up at him. He looked… nervous?

"I… ah... want to take you out on a date or something." He said a little uncomfortably.

"A date?"

"Yeah, a date." He smirked a little. "We've been together for over a month now and I haven't really taken you anywhere."

"You don't have to take me anywhere. You know I don't care about all-"

"I want to. I have no fucking idea where or what we're going to do but I'll figure that shit out." He said raking a hand through his hair.

"That would be nice. Ok." I said grinning.

"Good. Drive safe baby. You know there are some real fucking dick heads on the road. How they get their license fucking baffles the shit out of me. Fuck wits." He said shaking his head in disgust. I smirked at his little rant before kissing his jaw.

"I will. Bye."

"Bye."

I arrived home relieved to find neither Phil nor Renee were home yet. I walked straight into the kitchen and set the containers of spaghetti down on the kitchen bench. With a little time to myself I remembered the conversation I had with Renee Sunday night after Edward left.

"So you two are official dating, I see." Renee stated, taking a seat on the couch beside me. Her face hinted a little amusement. She has always loved the whole 'boy talk'. And I was positive she knew we weren't doing homework when she walked in on us. My face hadn't been very convincing.

"Yes, we are."

"So the day when you skipped school with him, you were dating then?"

"Yes." I replied.

"He is very cute." She said with a smirk.

"He is." I realized my replies were short but that was only because I knew where she was heading with this conversation. She looked too relaxed on the couch beside me which meant she was planning on 'talking' to me for quite a while, which only meant she was planning on digging answers out of me.

"He seems a little awkward though. He has that bad boy thing going on. I mean, it's no surprise considering what I know about him, but just promise me you'll be careful baby. It's easy to fall in love at your age."

_If only she knew._

"I know. I'm being careful. He is completely different with me, though." I said meeting her eyes.

"And ah…" _here we go, _"you two have been careful?" She asked, trying to be subtle.

"Oh god." I groaned, shutting my eyes and hoping that when I opened them Renee would have disappeared. I popped an eye open to check… nope, still here.

"Don't be like that Bella." She laughed. "We need to talk about this."

"There is nothing to talk about." I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"It's normal at your age to get curious. Have you two had sex?" She asked casually, like she was asking if I'd had dinner. That was Renee for you.

"No, we haven't." I responded, feeling my face begin to heat up.

"Sex doesn't just constitute intercourse. I'm talking oral sex-"

"Mum!" I groaned, burying my face into my hands in mortification.

"Look Bella, I've put off this talk for long enough. Now that I know you're dating its mandatory that I do."

I took a deep breath and released my hands from my face, trying to calm down and act as nonchalant as Renee was about this.

As if.

"I just want to make sure he's not pressuring you into anything."

"He isn't."

"I want you to wait Bella. At this age it's easy to get carried away. Just promise me you'll wait before you go all the way."

"Wait? Wait till what?" I surprised myself at how annoyed I sounded.

"Just don't rush. Take your time. I don't want you to give yourself to him easily."

"I won't." I muttered as I stood up hoping the conversation was finished but Renee had other ideas, standing up and following me into the kitchen.

"Baby, I want you on birth control." I froze in my tracks and turned to face her.

"We'll use condoms." I said.

"Not 100% reliable."

"You're worried I'll get pregnant?"

"Just please promise me that you'll do it. I'm not allowing you to take any risks." Her eyes were pleading with me. Something wasn't right.

"Why do you sound-"

"Bella, I got pregnant in high school. Senior year." She cut me off. Her face seemed solemn suddenly.

"With dad?" I asked, surprised.

"Of course with Charlie, he was the only one I dated."

"What happened?" I asked, nervous to hear the answer.

"Maybe we should sit down." She offered, placing her hand on my back and leading me to the kitchen table to sit down.

"What happened?" I asked again once we were seated.

"I fell pregnant in senior year. Just before finals. We used a condom but like I said, those things aren't 100% reliable. I was devastated at first, not ready to become a mother so young and when I told Charlie he assured me we'd work through it together. My parents hated me when they found out." She said, her eyes miles away. "Charlie's parents were a little more supportive. Once we came to terms with the pregnancy and started to get all excited, I miscarried. I was 10 weeks."

I was shocked to say the least. I would have figured this would have been something mentioned to me ages ago.

"I don't want you to have to go through that; to fall pregnant now and deal with all the consequences. You'll go on birth control." She said more sternly this time, but still softly.

"Ok." I agreed.

The front door opening and closing snapped me out of my memories. I turned to find Phil walking into the kitchen.

Renee had promised me she wouldn't say anything to Phil just yet about me and Edward. I knew he had some sort of thought that he could control who I dated and when but I wasn't going to allow him to reign in any sort of power over my personal life. He wasn't my dad, never will be and that was that no matter how much he may think otherwise.

"Hey, Bella." He smiled slightly.

"Hey." I mumbled, turning back to the containers of spaghetti.

"Who made that?" He asked pointing to the spaghetti.

"I did." I replied grabbing two plates to serve it up for him and Renee.

"Then why are they in take away containers?" He asked walking up to take a closer look.

"Because I made it at Alice's place." I lied. He seemed satisfied enough with my answer, nodding in understanding before grabbing a beer from the fridge. A moment later, Renee walked through the door.

"Hey baby." She said kissing me on the cheek before heading over to Phil for a kiss. I turned away when he grabbed her ass. I could never stand seeing him touch her like that. She giggled before taking a seat and I served up their plates. I came to turn and head upstairs to leave them to it since I'd already eaten but stopped in my tracks when I heard Phil mention thanksgiving in Phoenix.

"Oh that would be wonderful! Did you hear that baby?" Renee said to me. I turned back to them and took a seat. I wanted to oppose this. I wanted to spend Thanksgiving hopefully in Seattle considering Edward was going.

"Yes, but I thought I was spending Thanksgiving with Dad this year." I said staring intently at Renee, showing as much as I could with my eyes that I didn't want to go to Phoenix. I didn't like Phil's family. They were a bunch of goofy people.

"You're spending Christmas with your dad. Thanksgiving I'd like you to be with us." Renee pleaded, dabbing her mouth clean with her napkin.

"And my parent's would love to have you there." Phil added sternly. Phil couldn't have kids which didn't bother Renee considering she would never have any more kids. Motherhood was never made for her anyways. But since Phil was an only child his parents saw me as the closet thing they would ever get to a grandchild. They did like me, I couldn't complain about that but they were a little coo coo in the head. Not to mention his cousins, a bunch of rowdy guys interested in nothing but beer and women. Definitely not how I imagined my Thanksgiving. There was nothing traditional about Thanksgiving with Phil's family.

"I want to spend Thanksgiving with Charlie. He has no one." I said ignoring Phil's comment and looking directly at Renee.

"Wouldn't you like a bit of sun? You could use a tan." Phil chuckled. Even though he meant it light heartedly I felt like throwing his plate of spaghetti in his face.

"Mum?" I asked wanting her to speak up.

"Sweetie, I would love for you to spend Thanksgiving with me in Phoenix. You can spend Christmas with Charlie."

"Fine." I huffed standing up and heading upstairs to my room, locking the door behind me. I was so aggravated with them. I hated Phoenix, I hated Phil's family and now I knew that I wouldn't be seeing Edward for a few days. The thought alone of not seeing him for more than a day had my heart clenching.

I sent him a text just before bed.

**Thanksgiving in Phoenix :( **

**Fuck.**

I chuckled at his one worded message.

**Goodnight Edward xox**

**Night baby girl, sweet dreams**

**

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**Thoughts? Like it? Hate it? Want to tell me off for taking a long time to post? By all means... lol**

**I bet you all dislike Jake right now, but i don't because i totally get where is coming from. I feel protective of him considering not many of you like him too much hehe totally understandable though.**

**I have to say thanks again to my luv4jake for helping me out with the convo b/w Jake and Bella. I took it initially in a much different direction but after some discussion we decided to change it around a bit and I'm glad I listened to her!**

**Will try to get next chapter out next week!**

**Now... all you have to do is click that pretty little green button to let me know what you thought of that. Pretty please? I gave you a double lemon!! That deserves a little love... right?  
**


	22. The Art of Love

**A/N - Hey peeps, back with another chapter and first i'll apologise for the delay again. I was hoping to get these chapters out once a week but RL has been hectic lately and I'm dealing with some shit that just isn't allowing enough time to write. 2 weeks is the max you will have to wait but i will continue to try and get them out earlier.**

**THANKS to all those that review! Love hearing from you all. **

**Major thanks to the amazing luv4jake for her beta'ing skills. I've drove her nuts with this chapter and i'm still not 100% with it but i after changing it a gazillion times i realised this was the best it was going to get.**

**Twitter girls... love you all to pieces... you all make RL bearable.**

**Stormyinco and Debbliss, you know how much i love you both...chat night soon!!!!**

**Links to their outfits from this chapter can be found on my profile.  
**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me... but however I do own a green plaid picnic blanket.

This chapter contains sexual content not suitable for those under the age of 18...**  
**

* * *

I'm saying sorry in advance cos this won't always go to plan  
Though we don't mean to take our love for granted  
It's in our nature to forget what matters  
How when the going is getting tough  
And we're all about giving up  
Things that we never thought we'd gonna say, gonna say them  
Things that we never thought we'd play, gonna play them  
It ain't perfect, but it's worth it  
And it's always getting better  
It's gonna take some time to get it right

Cause I'm still learning the art of love  
I'm still trying to not mess up  
So whenever I stumble let me know  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out for me  
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love

If I forget to get the door  
Remind you that you're beautiful  
I know my detail requires more attention  
If I ever hurt you it's not my intention  
Cause we're gonna make our mistakes  
Find out how much your heart can take  
But I know that you got my back  
And baby I got yours

Cause I'm still learning the art of love  
I'm still trying to not mess up  
So whenever I stumble let me know  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out for me  
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love

Sometimes I'm gonna miss  
I'm still learning how to give  
I'm not giving up  
I'm still learning how to love  
Learning how to love…  
Learning how to love

Cause I'm still learning the art of love  
I'm still trying to not mess up  
So whenever I stumble let me know  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out for me  
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love  
(The art of love)

Still learning (art of love)  
Still learning (art of love)  
Still learning (art of love)  
Still trying to learn the art of love  
Still learning, I'm still learning (art of love)  
Still learning (art of love)  
I'm gonna get it sometimes, cause I'm still learning  
Still learning (art of love)  
Still learning (art of love)  
Still learning (art of love)  
The art art of love

**Guy Sebastian and Jordan Sparks – Art of Love**

**EPOV**

"Here." Jasper said, holding out the joint. I took it from him, taking a long pull and holding it in my lungs as I passed it to Emmett, allowing the burn of the smoke to work through my lungs and throat before I exhaled it slowly.

"This shit isn't strong enough." I said to Jasper.

"Yeah well, it's Forks." He shrugged. "Dealers are limited."

"Who's your dealer?"

"James." He replied taking the joint off Emmett for another drag.

"No shit?" I said a little surprised.

"No shit." Jasper agreed as he exhaled.

"You going to grab some off Demitri when you head to Seattle this week?" Emmett asked me.

"I'm hoping so because I'm all out." I said taking the joint back off Jasper for another hit. "What the fuck are they doing in there?" I asked holding the smoke in my lungs as the girl's laughter filtered out from inside the house.

"I think they're playing charades." Emmett responded, leaning back to check out the girls inside.

"Alice loves that game." Jasper chuckled.

After we finished our joint and chatted for a while Jasper and Emmett headed back inside. I asked Emmett to call Bella out for me. I wasn't ready to go inside yet, I wanted to sit alone with her for a bit.

I placed a cigarette between my lips and cupped my hands over it to light it. Just as I was taking the first hit, Bella stepped out onto the patio. She looked so gorgeous tonight. Her hair was out, cascading in its thick waves around her shoulders and down her back and she was wearing a pair of faded ripped jeans with a black sweater. She smiled at me as she made her way over. I grabbed her hand once she reached me and pulled her into my lap, so that she was sitting between my legs with her back against my chest.

We didn't say anything at first, we just sat in silence and watched the light sprinkling of rain flutter down before us.

A cool breeze ghosted past us causing Bella to wrap her arms around her torso and press herself further into me. I groaned out loud when she rubbed against my cock.

"Sorry." She giggled.

"No you're not."

"You're right, I'm not." She said laughing. I wrapped my free arm around her waist and pulled her even closer against my chest. She leaned her head back so that it rested against my shoulder and her sweet scent wafted into my nose. She turned to look at me, her face only inches from mine. I exhaled my smoke as I looked down at her with a smirk. I brought my cigarette to her lips, the image of her smoking from my cigarette one of the biggest motherfucking turn ons for me. She lightly wrapped her lips around it, mesmerizing me as she took a pull, her eyes locked with mine the entire time. I pulled it away, watching her hold it in her lungs before she blew it out slowly. I leaned down and kissed her lips softly.

"You're too fucking sexy baby. You always make it hard for me." I breathed against her lips. She twisted herself a little so that she was sitting sideways and linked her arms around my neck. Pressing her lips to mine, I groaned into her mouth at the feel of her soft plump lips. She pulled away way to fucking soon, resting her forehead against mine as she looked into my eyes.

"Do you want to leave?" I asked.

"Where?"

"Fuck, I don't know. Just out. We'll go for a drive or some shit like that. Carlisle's at home and I kind of want to have some privacy." I said with a smirk.

"Ok." She said smiling widely. She hopped off my lap and waited for me impatiently to finish my cigarette.

"Someone's eager." I teased. Despite the darkness and minimal light from the cloud covered moon I could see the faint blush tint her cheeks.

"Shut up." She laughed. I put my cigarette out in the ash tray and followed Bella inside where everyone else was sitting.

"Eddie! We're playing Wii. Come here." Emmett said as he flailed his hand with the Wii controller all around him. He was standing beside Alice and almost knocked her out in the process.

"Watch it." Alice laughed as she quickly ducked out of the way. It looked like they were playing tennis.

"SCORE!" Emmett boomed as he did a little happy dance.

"Don't celebrate just yet, its still early, loser. RE-MATCH!" Alice yelled. Once again I cringed from the high pitch of her voice.

"We're leaving." I said linking my hand with Bella's as I led us past Emmett and Alice toward the front door.

"What? No, stay!" Rosalie said jumping up from the couch and rushing over to Bella.

"We've been here all afternoon." Bella reasoned.

"But we're playing Wii!" Emmett called as he swung a backhand stroke.

"Yeah, we're playing Wii." Alice agreed from beside Emmett.

"YES! Fuck you Federer and fuck you Nadal, because Emmett motherfucking Cullen is the shit! I fucking won, again! Go me!" Emmett cheered as he high fived Jasper who was sitting down on the couch beside where he was playing.

"No fair!" Alice pouted. Jasper held his arms out for her which she quickly accepted, removing the controller out of her hand and snuggling into Jasper's lap.

"Eddie boy, come see if you can beat me. So far I've beat Rosie, sorry baby, and now Alice."

"We're leaving." I said again, shaking my head and pulling Bella with me. "We'll see you guys, ah, whenever we see you." I called out as we headed to the front door.

Once in my car, I pulled out of Jasper's street and headed back to the beach that we went to last Sunday night after my fight with Carlisle. Pulling into the same parking lot, I switched off the ignition and sat back. I plugged my iPod into the stereo and put it on shuffle. The sounds of 'The Fray' filtered through the car.

"Let's get out." Bella suggested opening her door and getting out. I rolled down all the windows so that we could still hear the music from outside the car. I jumped out of the car and followed Bella. The parking lot was deserted, as was the beach, the only sounds coming from our music and the sounds of the small waves lapping at the shore. Bella was gazing out onto the shore before us, resting her forearms on the railing separating us from the beach below. I pressed myself against her from behind and wrapped my arms around her little body, pulling her against me.

"It's so peaceful." She murmured keeping her eyes on the water.

"It is." I agreed, as I watched the small waves meet the shore. The air was cool and clear, filled with the mild stench of salt from the sea. I swept Bella's hair over to one shoulder, leaving one side of her neck completely exposed to me and brought my lips to it, kissing it softly, down toward her collarbone, savoring the sweet taste of her as I made my way back up toward her ear. I inhaled her scent, just like strawberries and vanilla, something I could never get enough of.

"Edward." She breathed.

"Mmm?" I hummed against her skin, leaving my lips attached to her neck as I parted my lips and let my tongue dart out to lick her skin. She moaned lightly.

She spun around in my arms, and linked her hands around my neck, gazing at me with a soft smile. "You look so fucking pretty right now." I breathed as I leaned in and kissed her. She tightened her hands around my neck, locking me to her as she deepened the kiss, her lips parting and allowing our tongues to meet. My hands ghosted over her body, along her arms, to her waist and then took purchase on her ass. She moaned when I roughly shoved her against my cock which was hard as a fucking rock. Our tongues mingled, mouths open wide as we began to pant against one another. She was the first to pull away, resting her forehead against my shoulder and hugging me tightly to her. We stood in silence, no need for the exchange of words, just basking in the company and warmth of one another.

"It's getting late." She said pulling back.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"A quarter to eleven."

"Fuck. Alright." I said dragging a hand through my hair. I hated the limited time we always seemed to have together. Bella giggled as she pushed the few strands that had fallen back onto my forehead back. "What?"

"Your hair. Its getting so long it keeps falling back." She giggled again.

"I can cut it when I go to Seattle this week."

"Don't cut it. I like it this long." She said leaning up and kissing my cheek.

"Ok, anything for you baby girl." I smirked. "Hey, speaking of Seattle, our date night is Wednesday."

"Wednesday night?"

"Yeah. That way we don't have school the next day. What time does your flight leave Thursday?"

"Ten am."

"Ok, so I don't have to get you home early. You think you can extend your curfew? Or sneak a sleep over?"

"I could probably extend the curfew but I doubt I can sneak a sleep over when I'm leaving the next day for Phoenix."

"Ok, whatever. I can't be fucking greedy and all."

"Where are we going?" She asked, running her fingers lightly along my jaw.

"It's a surprise." I answered.

"It's a surprise or you don't know yet?" She grinned. I smirked back at her.

"Fuck. You know me too well. It's kinda scary."

"You know you don't have to do anything fancy. Even just a night in your room watching movies would be perfect." She said, trailing her fingers down my neck.

"It would but that's not going to happen." She smiled at me before turning back around to press her back into my chest, staring back out onto the water. I leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to the part where her shoulder meets her neck.

"So Jake was pissed huh?" I asked remembering her bare neck.

"I don't blame him." She admitted with a sad sigh. "He wasn't pissed at me… I kind of left out _how_ it happened. I couldn't have told him the truth, it would have just given him more reason to hate what's going on between us. I can't do that to him."

"I've been looking but I can't seem to find the fucker. It'll show up, we know it's in my room at least." I offered.

"Yeah." She sighed.

I dropped her off at home after that before continuing on home myself. Emmett's jeep wasn't in the driveway which meant he was most likely still at Rosalie's house.

On my way inside, I could see the glow of light from underneath Carlisle's office door. Ignoring it, I headed on upstairs to my room. We still weren't on a talking basis. Well, he had made the effort on a couple of occasions but I just ignored him, much to his disappointment. I wasn't prepared to fucking discuss my issues concerning Seattle with him. It was something he very well knew I had problems with yet he possessed the need to constantly bring it up. I had issues, I knew it but there was no way in fuck I was going to discuss them.

*****

"Sooo…?" Alice prompted.

"Sooo… what?" I asked puzzled.

"What did you have in mind?" She asked. My eyes darted to Jasper as he tried to stifle a laugh at my expense.

"Fuck you." I said to him.

"What?" He asked trying to feign innocence.

"So, tell me." Alice pushed, trying to grab my attention. I raked a hand through my hair as Jasper bit his lip in at attempt to contain the urge to laugh at the obvious look of confusion on my face.

"Get fucked." I snapped throwing a cushion at him. "I'm new to this shit. I've never been on a fucking date before. Give me a break."

"You're kidding, right?" Alice asked with raised eyebrows in shock "Not even one?" I shook my head in the negative. "How did you get all the girls?" She asked, her brows dropping and furrowing. I smirked, glancing at Jasper briefly before looking back at Alice.

"I never had to try but promising them a fuck they'd never forget was usually how I rolled." Jasper burst into a fit of laughter beside Alice, shoving his face into her side to try and quiet down. I followed right after him as the look of disgust on Alice's face was so apparent.

"That is such a prick thing to say." Alice said with disgust.

"Well fuck, its true. Would you prefer I have lied?" I challenged with a cocked eyebrow.

"You're dating my best friend so I'd watch it." Alice said disapprovingly.

"I'm not like that anymore." I assured her meekly as I wasn't so sure of that myself. I knew I didn't deserve Bella but I was hoping I could sort of prove myself to her some how.

I grabbed the cigarette I had resting behind my ear and lit it up. Jasper nodded toward the patio of his house indicating for me to go outside and smoke. I huffed with a roll of my eyes as I forced myself off his couch and headed outside to smoke.

I had called Jasper this morning asking if he could get Alice to help me organize a date for Bella. Last night when Bella had asked what we were doing it kind of hit me that I needed to get my ass into gear and fucking figure this shit out. I had absolutely no idea what the fuck a date consisted of besides the basic dinner and a movie. I was going to need more help than that.

Once I made my way back inside I found Alice and Jasper all over each other, laughing and mucking around like two love birds.

"Hey, knock it off." I said with disgust as I took the couch opposite them. They reluctantly separated till they were side by side.

"Ok, well I'm sure you had something in mind." Alice said.

"Ok, let me put it fucking straight. I've never been on a date, ok? I moved into this fucked up town just over 3 months ago so I really have no idea what there even is to do here. What are my options? Do I have to take the drive up to Port Angeles? Or does this fucked up town offer me any selections?" I asked without a breath. "And don't you fucking laugh." I warned, pointing my finger at Jasper who I could see was fighting back a smirk.

"What did I do?" he asked incredulously.

"You're a bitch so shut it, mister I-buy-a-gift-every-month-for-my-girlfriend." I mocked.

"Hey!" Alice said glaring at me.

"What the fuck is up your ass?" Jasper laughed at me.

"Nothing." I said dragging a hand down my face in frustration. "I'm not one for this shit."

"Then why are you stressing yourself over it?" Jasper asked genuinely concerned.

"Fuck if I know."

"Bull shit."

"I need a cigarette." I said bolting up from the couch and heading back outside. I was followed a moment later by Jasper.

"You should really quit that shit."

"Fuck off, I ain't quitting." I said blowing the smoke right into his face. He took a step back and cursed at me.

"Seriously though, why are you doing this whole date thing if you hate it so much? You know Bella is not like that." He said crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against his house. I shrugged my shoulders unsure myself. I took a quick drag before I answered.

"Because Bella is different. I really don't want to treat her like all the bitches I've been with in the past. I never tried with any of the others. I'd just fuck em' and drop em'. Except for the select few that became nothing more than regular fuck buddies.

"I don't want Bella like that. I don't want her patience and adoration for fucking free. So far I haven't really tried with her, she has given me so much of herself and yet I've given her absolute jack shit in return. She's opened up to me but I haven't been able to let down my defenses and tell her the reason why I'm so fucked up.

"It's not that simple. Its not something I can just talk about that bothered me in the past and that I'm over now. I'm still fucked up over it Jazz." I explained hating the obvious sadness in my voice. I took a long pull, holding it in my lungs and praying that it would work enough to help calm me some. I blew out through my nose as I took another pull right on its tail. The heaviness that came with this topic emerged in my chest and I was suddenly feeling that familiar burden weighing heavy on my shoulders. My hands began to shake a little in the unease and guilt that was beginning to build inside of me. I fisted my free hand into the pocket of my leather jacket while I tapped my hand with the cigarette in it against the table beside me in an almost frantic fashion, trying to hide my slowly crumbling front from Jasper. I knew he wasn't fooled. His eyes were darting between me and my tapping hand but he said nothing.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jasper asked slowly after a while as the silence was becoming deafening between us. "Maybe talking about it with someone who you don't have to worry about on their opinion would help?"

"I'm a fuck up." I gritted through clenched teeth. My jaw clenched as I tried to reign in the self hate. "I fucked up so many people's lives because of one fucked up night that was completely in _my_ control. I knew it was a mistake but yet I still fucking did it. _I _fucking did it. I fucked up!" I snapped, losing it and kicking the chair beside me, sending it flying over the patio and onto the rain drenched grass.

I flicked my cigarette to the floor completely dismissing the ash tray beside me and ran both my hands through my hair, tugging the ends in frustration. I chanced a glance at Jasper and he was looking at me with concern and almost pity. I didn't need anyone's pity.

We didn't say anything else to each other after that. There really was nothing to say. Unable to take the silence much longer, I headed back inside after about fifteen minutes with Jasper following soon after.

Alice was walking out of the kitchen when we entered, completely oblivious to what just happened outside.

"Babe, can we leave this for another time?" Jasper said to Alice. She hesitated before her eyes darted to me most likely seeing the state I was currently in. She nodded.

"Ok, I'll just go see what Bella is doing today." She said giving Jasper a little kiss on the cheek and a small wave my way. Once she headed out Jasper turned to me and with worry clearly etched across his face.

"You know you can tell me, bro. I won't say anything to anyone." He offered.

"You got a blunt?" I asked, knowing speaking about this topic sober just wasn't an option for me. He nodded his head and jumped up off the couch to go grab some. I laid my head on the back of the couch unsure of whether I should even discuss this topic. It wasn't something I could talk about with anyone. A part of me knew if I owed any one an explanation it was Bella. If I had to discuss this with anyone it would have to be Bella first. So when Jasper walked back into the room I told him.

"I can't do it." I said simply. I didn't owe him a reason for my change of mind and he was understanding enough to just drop it to my relief.

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies and smoking weed. It helped me focus on the movie rather than the fucking ramblings going on inside my head and the heavy surge of agony and guilt gnawing away in my chest. No mention of dates or my past was mentioned and I was grateful that Jasper knew better than to bring up that shit again. He was trying his best to distract me, I could tell and I loved him for it.

I headed home late that afternoon and the first thing I did was call Bella. I missed her so much and hadn't seen her since last night at the beach. She had spent the first half of the day with Jacob much to my fucking dismay but I couldn't really stop her even though I knew that I very well wanted to. I knew from last week that things were getting pretty fucking tense between them. I was positive that jealousy on his side was the main issue as apparently I had been taking up too much of Bella's time. I internally scoffed at that bull shit.

She told me about her little argument that she had with Jake that afternoon he went home with her. I could understand his side but it didn't make it easier for me to digest and it certainly didn't make me grow any fucking respect for him either. Yes, he cared for his best friend and didn't want to see her hurt and if I wasn't so fucked up I'd probably completely agree with him and distance myself from Bella because he _was_ right, I wasn't good enough for her but I was a selfish motherfucker. I was a fucking selfish asshole that only cared about myself, so keeping Bella for myself was what I was going to keep doing.

She was mine.

So, after spending a morning with Jake, Alice and Rosalie had taken her out for lunch and then some 'girl time', which to be honest, I had no idea what the fuck 'girl time' even consisted of. 'Girl time' to me brought on the image of girls in skimpy lingerie having pillow fights which eventually led to sex between them. It was a fantasy and not a reality so I had to try and ignore the motherfucking steel rod that emerged in my pants when Bella said she was being stolen away for 'girl time'.

"Hey baby." I breathed when Bella answered.

"Edward. I missed you today." She sighed.

"Me too, baby girl. Like you wouldn't fucking believe."

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Nothing," I replied scrubbing a hand over my face and muffling my words. "Just lying down. I'm bored as fuck and am considering going to sleep."

"I wish I was with you, you wouldn't be so bored." Bella teased.

"Baby," I groaned. "Don't be a fucking tease." She giggled but said nothing. "What are you wearing?" I asked in a husky voice.

"Edward." She scolded but laughed right after. "I thought you said not to tease you?"

"Yeah, well I'm one for self torture."

We talked a little bit more and I found out she was doing her homework that she had left till the last minute. After telling me about her day and me lying about mine, well partially, we said our reluctant goodbyes and hung up. I left out the first part of my day consisting of my plans to organize her date and then my mini break down. I took a shower, wanking off yet again and feeling some of my body's tension after my day dissipate a little. I snuggled into the covers of my bed and drifted off into sleep.

The following 2 days at school went by like any other day, uneventful and another waste of 18 hours of my life being taught shit I most likely would never use again. Tuesday afternoon I felt like stabbing myself for the sheer stupidity of even considering organizing a fucking date. I still hadn't thought of anything let alone organized anything. I pulled Alice aside just before lunch using the excuse with Bella that one girl from my English class, that I didn't know the name of, wanted to speak with Alice. She seemed to buy it as she continued on into the cafeteria to join everyone else at our table.

"Everything ok?" Alice asked once I had pulled her around a corner.

"Dinner and a fucking movie. That's all my fucked up brain is capable of conjuring up." I said pathetically.

"Ok, well, you can still do that but it doesn't have to be the simple cliché." Alice smiled.

"Care to fucking elaborate? My brain doesn't process this kind of relationship etiquette bull shit."

"Its not bull shit."

"Yada, yada, yada and I'm not Edward fucking Cullen." I ignored her glare and waited for her to explain.

"Well," she began, still scowling at me, "you could grab some take out from a nicerestaurant and take her some place where you can have a picnic."

"Picnic? Aren't picnics supposed to be out in the sun with fucking incessant flies annoying the shit out of you?"

"You're such a 'glass half empty' type of person, aren't you?" Alice asked irritably.

"That's all life has taught me." I retorted.

"Now, _that _is bull shit." She said crossing her arms over her chest. "You can take her someplace quiet like a beach or a park and eat your dinner picnic style. It's informal, quiet and you two will just be alone. Bella is not into the whole fine dining experience just as much as you aren't."

"And the movie?" I asked starting to see a possible outcome to this date that I didn't quite mind.

"Drive in." She stated simply.

"They have those here in Forks?" I asked slightly surprised.

"Yes, they do. Forks is not as shitty as you may think."

"You do realize we will most likely just make out like a pair of horny teenagers right?" I smirked.

"Most likely yes." She chuckled, patting me on the chest.

"Thanks." I said awkwardly, really appreciative of her help.

"I do what I can. You make her happy." She smiled warmly at me. I smiled back awkwardly, not one used to receiving such compliments. I nodded in acknowledgement before we turned and made our way to join the rest of the gang in the cafeteria.

That afternoon I rang the one Italian restaurant I knew of in Port Angeles that made great Italian food. I decided that for good food we'd have to make the drive out to Port Angeles so I figured we'd go for a drive in movie in the area as well. It was going to be a drive I'd rather not make but if it was going to improve the night by a notch then I was all for it.

By the time Wednesday arrived I was pretty much a nervous wreck that I almost couldn't recognize myself.

_I'll pick you up at 6._

_Dress nice. _

I folded the little note and slid it over to Bella. She raised an eyebrow at me as she slid it the whole way to her side of the bench. She glanced up at Mr. Molena, making certain he was distracted before she unfolded the note and read it silently. She scribbled a message, folded it back up and slid it across to me.

_Where are we going?_

_Does a skirt equal to nice?_

She giggled lightly as she watched my reaction to her message. I growled, catching the attention of a girl named Bethany who was sitting in front of us. I indicated with my finger for her to turn back around which she did as she blushed profusely.

_Fuck, a skirt is just what I want to hear and you've given me a very nice visual ; p_

_By the way, it's a surprise._

She rolled her eyes over at me but with a smile as she folded the note and stuffed it away into her book. When the final school bell rang that day, I couldn't have been happier. Chaos was every where as people celebrated the impending mini Thanksgiving break.

"So you'll be here to pick me up at 6?" She asked just as I pulled up outside of her house after school.

"That's the plan."

"Oh!" She said as if remember something. "Could you park at the end of the street? Phil doesn't know we're dating and I really want to keep it that way. Renee knows I'm going on this date but she hasn't told Phil, we just lied and said that I was going out with Alice and Rose."

"Alright, I'll park at the end of the street or something. I'll message you as soon as I get here and I'll wait just behind that tree over there." I said pointing to the large tree that was situated across the street from her house. I couldn't fight the chuckle that escaped me. I never thought I'd have to sneak around with a girl.

"Perfect." She said.

She leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on my lips before getting out of the Beemer and heading inside her house. I drove straight home and called the restaurant, double checking that my order would be ready by seven for pick up. I had ordered a variety of dishes off the menu for us to eat and I was hoping Bella would like at least one of the things I ordered.

"Do you know a good wine with Italian food?" I asked Emmett who I found playing Halo in his room. He paused his game and glanced up at me, his face puzzled.

"Come again?"

I huffed in irritation, "Wine. With Italian food." I repeated. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Wine is for pussy's dude." He said in all seriousness.

"Then what the fuck do you recommend?" I asked, my irritation starting to boil over.

"This is for your date?" he asked, placing his controller down and focusing his attention solely on me.

"No, it's to shove up your ass. Of course it's for my date, you douche." I snapped, raking my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"I really don't know." He said after a while.

"Some help you are." I groaned as I turned my back and walked out of the room.

If I had to be honest, I'd never fucking tasted wine before in my life, it wasn't my thing but I was sure that Italian food required wine, right? Could I grab a few bottles of beer and have that with dinner? I scratched the back of my neck in irritation before I decided to just screw it and head to Carlisle's office. He was at work so I had no problem to worry that he might find me snooping in his 'domain'. I went to his liquor cabinet and found a few bottles of wine in there, all with Italian labels that I couldn't understand for the life of me. I grabbed a random bottle which looked like red wine and figured that would suffice. He would probably realize it has gone missing but he had never specifically told me to stay away from his wine, only his spirits so I couldn't be blamed for a hundred dollar bottle of wine going missing. I took it back to my room, placing it on my desk before going into the bathroom to shower. Stepping out, I shaved, thinking I should show that I put some sort of effort into tonight. Splashing on a bit of after shave, I headed back to my room with a towel around my hips. I dropped my towel, pulled out some boxers and slipped them on. I wasn't sure what to wear but Bella had said she was going to wear a skirt so it gave me a fair idea of what to wear myself. I found a pair of dark wash jeans and put them on. I slipped on a white wife beater then a black button up shirt on top. Leaving the top two buttons undone, I rolled up the sleeves to my elbows, ran my fingers through my hair roughly and I was pretty much done. I rummaged through my closet and found my pair of Dr Martens and pulled them on. Spraying on some cologne, I grabbed the bottle of Red and headed down stairs.

"Looking good bro." Emmett complimented.

"Thanks." I mumbled, searching the kitchen cupboards for some wine glasses. "Do we have a picnic basket?"

"Picnic basket? Hang on, let me go ask Nan." Emmett burst into laughter and I was so close to twisting his balls for being an idiot. I just glared at him, settling for a thermos bag I found in the pantry. I placed the wine bottle in there with the wine glasses and hoped to god they wouldn't break. At least not before we used them.

"Where you guys going?" Emmett asked, as I pulled out a cigarette from my pack and lit it up. "You can't smoke in here, come on man." He whined.

"I'm grabbing some dinner from La Bella Italia and taking Bella for a picnic and then a drive in." I explained completely ignoring his request not to smoke, as I grabbed a bottle opener and threw that into the bag along with the other stuff.

"You sound gay." Emmett said seriously. "In fact, if I were you, I'd do a quick check to see if your dick is still intact."

"Suck my dick." I snapped.

"It was just a joke."

"I don't give a shit. I'm not in the mood for jokes." I said dragging a hand through my hair as I took a pull.

"Do you have a blanket?"

"Huh?" I asked meeting his eyes and exhaling.

"A picnic blanket." Emmett said expectantly.

"Fuck. No." I said my eyes darting around the kitchen like I was expecting to find a picnic blanket just lying around.

"Check the garage." Emmett suggested. My eyebrows shot up in question. "Just check. It wont hurt." He shrugged as he grabbed an apple, rubbed it against his shirt before taking a bite, the crunch echoing through the kitchen.

I darted to the garage, knowing that finding a picnic blanket would be slim. I wasn't even sure what a fucking picnic blanket would look like. Was it red plaid like they always are in the movies? Just with that thought, my eyes caught something green and plaid. I made my way over to a shelf at the back and fair enough I found a green plaid picnic blanket within a clear plastic carry bag. Satisfied, I grabbed it and headed back to the kitchen.

"We actually had one?" Emmett seemed surprised.

"Looks like it." I mumbled through the cigarette I had hanging between my lips.

"Napkins." Emmett recommended.

"I'm sure the restaurant will give-"

"Better safe than sorry bro." He stated.

I grumbled but grabbed a bunch of napkins and shoved them into the thermos bag with the rest of the stuff. I raised an eyebrow at Emmett, urging him to suggest anything else I may have forgotten.

"Trojans." He said with a light snigger. I smirked back at him.

"Patience, Em. Patience is my friend."

"Yeah right." he laughed like it was the hardest thing to believe. "I can't believe you're waiting this long to fuck her. This is so not you."

"She is worth it and I'm patient because she isn't ready and to be honest neither am I. We still have shit to deal with." I clarified running my cigarette under the tap briefly before throwing it into the trash.

"Awwww." Emmett cooed.

"Get fucked." I laughed. "Alright, I'm good to go." I said grabbing the thermos bag and turning to leave.

"You got her flowers?" My steps faltered as I turned back to him in shock.

"Flowers! Fuck. Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked exasperated.

"It's kinda obvious." He shrugged.

"Not to me it fucking isn't. Fuck this shit man."

"She doesn't seem like the type that will break your balls if you show up without flowers. Stop stressing." He assured. I huffed in annoyance, a part of me swearing I would never put myself in such a position again while the other bigger part of me couldn't wait to have this night with Bella.

"Ok, well, I'll… ah… see you later." I mumbled.

He waved me off as I headed out to my car. Carefully placing the thermos bag in the back, I slipped in behind the wheel and headed over to Bella's house. I parked at the end of her street and switched the car off. I sent her a quick text informing her that I had arrived before I stepped out of the car.

Just as I reached the 'meeting' tree, I heard her front door open, followed by a "Bye mum" and then a door shut. I groaned when my eyes landed on Bella and the outfit she was wearing. She looked fucking stunning. My eyes immediately followed the length of her creamy legs that were exposed entirely for my eyes. She was wearing a sexy black short skirt, high waisted that came out from the waist down in tiers of lace. She had it paired with a black tank top, tucked beneath the skirt and some black studded ballet flats. A cream sweater was hanging over one arm. For the life of me, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her, she looked too beautiful for any motherfucking words to describe. My horny ass brain started conjuring up all the different things I could do to her in that skirt; having her bent over my car or her legs spread wide open for me, her pussy wet and glistening…

I was snapped out of my stupor when she began practically skipping the rest of the way to me. Her eyes lighting up as the most beautiful smile graced her face.

"Hey." She breathed, stopping right in front of me and looking up at me through her thick lashes. I wanted to die. I wanted to fucking die because this shit was just torture.

"You're going to fucking kill me early, you know that?" I whispered as I pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"What?" She mumbled against my lips.

"You're beautiful. So fucking beautiful that I'm having the hardest time trying not to shove you against this tree and have my way with you." I growled as I pushed her backwards till her back met the tree. She bit her lip, her eyes glazing over as she looked up at me.

"Kiss me." She whispered in demand.

"What?" I asked, taken by surprise by the desperation in her voice.

"Kiss me. Please kiss me." She pleaded. Without hesitating another fucking second, I leaned down and kissed her with fervor, forcing my tongue between her lips to seek hers. She moaned out loud as her hands gripped the hair at the nape of my neck and tugged me against her lips harder. It was taking all my restraint not to slip my fingers under her skirt and touch her, so I pulled away after a while, my breaths ragged as I tried to compose myself some. She smiled up at me, her face flushed and lips red and swollen. I chuckled at her as I held my hand out for her to take.

"Let's go, baby girl. We have dinner to get."

We walked back to the car in silence. I wasn't sure about her but I was fucking panicking hoping everything would go according to plan because knowing my shitty luck it would most likely get fucked up somewhere along the way. We talked during the hour long drive and when silence filled the car it was comfortable, neither of us feeling the need to fill the silence with constant chatter.

"Give me a second, stay here." I said to Bella as I pulled up outside the restaurant to collect our order. She furrowed her brows at me but nodded, obviously wondering why we weren't both going inside. I had to wait a few minutes while they finished off our last dish but rushed back to the car trying to be careful not to spill everything everywhere. I opened my driver's side door, shoved my seat forward and carefully placed the food on the floor in the back, making sure everything was stable and nothing was going to topple over and spill. I'd fucking lose it if I spilled sauce in my car. It was already irking me that it was going to stink of food but that was just a problem I was going to have to let slide for tonight.

"What's this?" Bella asked eyeing the food in the back as I climbed back in and drove off.

"Our dinner. We're having a picnic." I responded hesitantly, trying to gauge her reaction to see whether I fucked up or did good. By the grin that stretched across her beautiful features I knew I did good.

It was another fifteen minute drive before we reached our next destination which was a beach just on the outskirts of Port Angeles.

"We're picnicking on the sand?" Bella asked with a huge grin. I nodded, feeling relief wash over me as she seemed excited by this prospect. "Why do you look so nervous?" She asked.

"Fuck, I guess I'm kinda just hoping I don't fuck up somewhere along the way. I wasn't sure what you liked but Alice assured me you weren't into the whole fine dining bull shit which I have to admit, was a huge fucking relief for me."

"This is perfect and she is right, I don't like fine dining or anything of that sort. There is no intimacy like there is in a picnic." She smiled.

"Well good. Ah…" I began as I scratched the back of my neck. "Let's get this thing set up." She nodded as we both exited the car and began to carry our shit down to the shore.

I unfolded the picnic blanket and laid out our dinner, opening all the containers and setting out the disposable cutlery I asked the restaurant to supply. I pulled out the wine bottle and glasses and tried to carefully pop it open. The fucker was a stubborn bitch that refused to budge and after a while I was positive the wine was going to spill everywhere after all that effort. But to my relief, I managed to force it out with no major dramas. I proceeded to pour us each a little into the wine glasses.

"You ever tried wine?" I asked as I handed her a glass. She nodded.

"Once and it was white, I didn't like it too much." She admitted sheepishly.

"Don't worry, I've never tried this shit before but here goes nothing." I said just before I took a swig. I had to admit, it was smooth as fuck and I welcomed the warmth as it travelled down my throat.

"Not bad." She said as she set her glass down on an empty plate for leverage.

We both took a seat on the blanket, sitting side by side. She adjusted herself a few times, trying to find a comfortable position to sit while in a skirt.

"Fuck, sorry I should have mentioned we were picnicking." I chuckled.

"Its ok." She said as she finally settled, bending her knees and tucking her feet beside her along her thighs.

"Fuck, You look so damn pretty." I said gazing at her. "And not to mention sexy." I purred as I leaned forward and kissed her. She moved her lips willingly with mine, her hand clutching my arm as she pulled back.

"Thank you. I know this is not your comfort zone but I appreciate it." She said.

"Anything's my comfort zone when you're in it." I admitted ineptly. "And yes, I just sounded like a soft pussy." I muttered. Bella found some amusement in that as she tried to suppress a chuckle.

I served us some food and was happy to know that Bella liked pretty much everything I had ordered. She favored the mushroom ravioli, while I dug into the chicken Alfredo. We talked casually as we ate and I found that her presence was just so effortless and simple. I could just be myself without having to over think shit. I tried to take my time eating considering she was such a slow eater and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable to eat on her own.

"I'm fucking stuffed." I groaned as I placed my plate aside once I'd finished and laid myself back.

"Me too. That food was really good." She said.

"Glad you liked it." I felt her move beside me and then lay down next to me. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her into my side as we stared up at the star studded sky.

"It's not too cold tonight." She said.

"No it's not. It's perfect." We sat in silence for a bit, the both of us too full to move.

"What time is the movie?" She asked after a while, my eyes had drifted closed but I was still awake.

"Fuck, I forgot all about that. Where's my phone?" She sat up and grabbed my phone for me checking and seeing it was almost 8.

"It's at nine, I thought I'd give us time to relax after dinner." I explained as she snuggled back into my side.

"Edward?" She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to go to Phoenix." She murmured.

"I know. I don't want to go to Seattle." I said. "I'm coming back tomorrow night. That's if my aunt doesn't push for me to stay. I can never deny her. She looks too much like my mother." I sighed.

We continued to lay in silence for a while, enjoying the sounds of the small waves lapping at the shore.

"Want to go for a little walk?" Bella asked as she sat up and looked down at me hopeful.

"A walk? Bella, I don't do fucking walks." I said. She frowned down at me but then composed her face and stood up, slipping her ballet flats off.

"Well, I'm gonna go put my feet in the water." She smiled cheekily at me before she turned and made her way to the shore line. I scrubbed my hands over my face, the sight of her legs in front of me hardening me in a heart beat. I gave up and ripped my shoes and socks off, folded my jeans up a little, making me look like a douche, and jogged down toward the shore after her. She was in ankle deep when I grabbed her from behind and lifted her up a little. She squealed in surprised before her laughter filled the air.

I let her back down and held her hand in mine, linking our fingers together. We kept walking in slowly, the feel of the wet sand between my toes was soothing. The water was pretty cold but not enough to discourage us.

"Fuck!" I yelled when a wave crashed against me splashing my lower half. I wasn't drenched but I was wet enough to feel the sting of the cold. Bella fell into a fit of laughter behind me as I stood there fuming.

"It's not fucking funny!" I snapped at her, running my wet hands through my hair. I watched her as she attempted to stifle her laughs with her hands as she began to walk backwards so that she was still facing me, toward the dry sand. My irritation subsided immediately at the sight of her, her legs glistening with water like they were studded with diamonds. I ran up to her, ready to make her pay. She squealed realizing what I was doing as she turned and started back toward our picnic set up, running. I caught up to her pretty quickly, wrapping my arms around her waist where I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. She started half laughing, half screaming as I turned and carried her back toward the water. Once I was just under knee deep, not giving a shit about my jeans anymore considering they were already wet, I dipped her in making sure her lower half got submerged into the water. She screamed at the sting of the cold while I tried hard to control my laughter.

"You jerk!" She said pushing me against my chest. Her skirt clung to her, water dripping down her legs as she began to shake a little from the cold. She was staring daggers at me but failing at making it threatening as she bit the inside of her cheek to hide back her smile.

"Payback." I laughed. I stuck my tongue out at her before I scooped her back into my arms and carried her back to our blanket. Holding her against me was just getting me wetter but I couldn't give a damn.

"I'm completely drenched Edward." She scowled as she looked down at herself once I had put her back on her feet. "And you're not! You're just a little wet." She said pointing to my pants.

"Sorry, I just had to do it." I chuckled.

"Do you have a towel or something in your car, at least?" She questioned with a frown.

"No, ah…" I couldn't continue that thought as my eyes locked on the water that was slowly trickling down her legs, water dripping from her skirt and wetting the blanket beneath her. I swear I was in constant DC around his girl. Dick Control. That fucker had a mind of its own and I was in constant torture trying to restrain it.

She began wringing out her skirt, stepping off the blanket so that all the water dripped onto the sand. I was mesmerized as she revealed more and more of her legs as she did.

"My…" she began but stopped abruptly as she chuckled lightly, "… my panties are drenched." She laughed and blushed at how that sounded but all I did was groan.

"Well, do you want to take them off?" I suggested. I was trying to come across as blasé as my dick allowed me to but I knew it was fruitless. She knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Maybe when I get to the car." She replied.

"Ok." I nodded. "Well, let's head back to the car now. I'll turn the heat on and maybe it will help your clothes dry." I said. "You head off before me. I'll pack all this shit up. I don't want you to get sick because of me." I said genuinely as I began to stack all the containers and plates for the trash.

"Ok," She nodded. I threw her the car keys which she caught with both hands and then grabbed her shoes before she began her short hike back to the car. I quickly packed all our shit up, tossed the rubbish in a near by trash can and then gathered everything else to lug back to my car. It wasn't until I was packing that I realized we hadn't eaten our dessert yet.

I got to the car to find Bella sitting inside, most likely with the heat on. She jumped out when she spotted me and helped take a few things off me and held them while I threw what I was carrying into the back. I took the remainder of our stuff off her and chucked them in the back too.

I turned and found her near the front of my car struggling to pull her cream sweater on. I walked over to her and helped her slip her arms through.

"You should be in the warmth of the car." I stated as I began to button up her sweater for her.

"Or you can keep me warm." She said looking up at me with a small smirk.

I gave her my lop-sided grin. I loved this playful side of her. "Let's have dessert first." I said turning to go grab the chocolate mousse cake from the car with some spoons.

"Dessert? You got dessert too?" She asked, sounding pleasantly surprised.

"Course I did." I replied reaching in to grab the Chocolate Mousse cake from the back.

I walked back to her where she was leaning on the bonnet of the car. If it wasn't for the fact that she looked so sexy doing it I would have told her to get the fuck off because the last thing I wanted was to get the paint scratched.

She reached out and helped me remove the lid off the container the restaurant had placed the one decent sized piece of mousse cake in.

"Chocolate!" She exclaimed, her eyes lightening up with excitement. She was too cute.

"Yes chocolate. And let me just say, this is my favorite dessert, nothing beats this shit." I said shoving my spoon in and scooping out a generous amount. "Open up, baby." I said staring at her mouth. She seemed to hesitate briefly before she parted her lips and opened up enough for me to slip in the spoonful of cake. I watched in rapt concentration as she hummed in satisfaction, swallowing and darting her tongue out to lick the excess that was stuck to her lips.

"Good?" I asked swallowing thickly because I was harder than a steel rod after watching that.

"Really good." She moaned. She dipped her spoon in, scooped some out then held it out for me to eat.

"That's insulting, come on!" I teased as I eyed the little amount she had scooped out for me. She giggled before shoveling a whole lot more onto her spoon. I grinned at the amount as I brought my lips to her spoon and took in the mousse. I groaned at the taste of it, struggling to swallow it all down because it was a little too much but I didn't give a fuck. I'd never tasted anything so delicious.

After the first two spoonfuls we started feeding ourselves, occasionally feeding each other and each time I became harder and harder as I watched her lips wrap around the spoon and her tongue dart out to the lick the remnants off her lips.

"That was so fucking good." I moaned as I tried to feed Bella the last spoonful.

"No, you take it."

"No, I want you to have it, I ate a shit load already." I said jabbing the spoon toward her face. It was true, I had eaten probably about three quarters of that serving all myself.

"I really can't do it, I'm really full. You eat it." She insisted.

"You sure? Because once its gone, then that's it." I warned as I brought the spoon slowly to my lips.

"Positive."

At her response, I took the last bite, groaning loudly in satisfaction.

"Fuck, I can never get enough of this." I mumbled.

"I'll make it for you one day." She offered.

"What?" My eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Mmhm. I can make this. It's easy." She said like it was the easiest thing in the world.

"Well fuck, you've just made me the happiest fucker there is." I said grinning as I replaced the lid on the now empty container and placed it by my feet to throw out later.

I placed my hands on her knees and forced her legs open and stepped between them. Her hooded eyes watched me as her hands clutched the front of my shirt and tugged me toward her. I buried my face into the crook of her neck, trying to greedily sniff in as much of her as I could, tattooing her scent to memory so I could remember it for the next four days when I won't see her.

"Are your panties still wet?" I whispered against her neck as I started placing open mouthed kisses along the expanse of it. She sucked in a ragged breath at my question, her hands tugging me toward her even more. She was a little lower than me as my car was low but it wasn't making our positioning awkward.

I eventually pulled back, knowing my self control was slowly slipping, "We have a movie to get to." I said. She jerked me back toward her, taking me by surprise.

"I don't care. Let's stay here." She begged as her hands began to unbutton my shirt. She looked up at me, her warm brown eyes reflecting the desire and passion I longed to see from her. I brought my hands over hers and stopped her.

"Baby, don't you want to go watch a movie? Come on." I encouraged. As much as I wanted nothing more than to take her right here, I didn't want to be a prick and dismiss our date at the chance to fool around.

"I want to stay here with you." She said threading her fingers of one hand through my hair to pull me down for a kiss, while her other hand cupped my cock and began to rub me. That was enough for the little resolve I had to crumble into a pile of ash. My hands flew to either side of her face, my fingers digging into her hair as I thrust my tongue deep into her mouth. She moaned out loud as I kissed her with as much passion as I could fucking muster and didn't even know I could possess. No girl had ever made me feel this way. No girl had ever erupted such a frenzy of emotions and _need_ to be with someone so fucking desperately.

I pulled away from her mouth to continue my assault down her neck, the sounds of her ragged breaths urging me on.

"I want to touch you." She whispered, her voice reeking of desperation. Her hand began rubbing me harder and faster over the denim and before long she was struggling to frantically undo my zipper but I wasn't having any of that. I wanted her to get hers before I got anything.

"Later, let me touch you first." I whispered into her ear causing a shiver to erupt through her. I kissed down the column of her neck softly and passionately, savoring the feel of her silky skin beneath my lips.

I slipped the strap of her tank and bra down her shoulder, licking her skin down over to the swell of her breast. I pulled a cup down, exposing her beautiful breast and rolled the little pink nub between my fingers, hardening it in an instant. I crashed my lips back to hers, our tongues flicking and dancing against the other, our breaths short and ragged as we struggled to keep some sort of composure.

"Lie back, baby girl." I said pulling back and pushing her gently by the chest to lie down on the bonnet. She obeyed with no hesitation; slowly reclining till she was on her back. I lifted her skirt up so that it bunched around her waist and began to kiss her bare smooth stomach, my tongue darting out occasionally to lick her skin, circle her navel and lick along the hem of her panties. They were still really damp from the water.

I ran my nose up along her covered pussy, from bottom to top, smelling her arousal. My dick was throbbing, I'd never wanted someone so much in my life.

"Let me." I pleaded as I hooked my fingers into the hem and continued to worship her stomach.

"W-what?" she stuttered as she lifted her head up to look at me. "What if someone comes? Let's get in the car."

"No one will come. We've been here for almost two hours and we haven't seen one person. We're fine. Please baby, let me fucking worship you. Let me show you how much I fucking want you." I pleaded against her skin, my ministrations not faltering. I thought I'd leave out the bit about how the very thought of my girl sprawled out on the bonnet of my car while I ate her out was my biggest fucking fantasy.

"Ok," she said hesitantly. I stopped and leaned my forehead against her stomach, trying to regulate my breathing some. I moved up her body till my lips were at her ear. I needed her to _want _me and be comfortable, not to feel pressured.

"Do you want me to bring you pleasure, Bella?" I whispered. "Do you want me to make you come so hard you won't know what fucking hit you?" I continued. She shuddered against me and something told me it wasn't because she was cold. "Because I want to, I so desperately want to make you feel good." I pleaded breathlessly as I slipped a finger inside her panties and began to play with her swollen clit. She cried out.

"Tell me." I begged. She moaned when my finger circled her opening and bucked her hips to meet my fingers, seeking more. I slipped two fingers inside of her tightness easily as she was so slick and wet already. She wanted me, I knew it but she was too nervous to admit it.

"I want you." She breathed.

"What do you want? I want you to say it." I whispered, as I bit down on her ear lobe and pulled it between my teeth. Her hips began to meet the thrusts of my fingers.

"I want you to bring me pleasure. Please Edward." She whimpered as I quickened the pace of my fingers.

"That's it my baby girl. I fucking want to taste you so much." I growled as I slid back down her body. I slipped my fingers out of her and hooking my fingers into the hem of her wet panties began to tug them down, my heart a fucking jack hammer within my chest in anticipation of seeing her bare before me for the first time. She lifted each foot allowing me to pull her panties completely off and shoved them into the back pocket of my jeans. I groaned out loud as my eyes met her wet and slick glistening pussy, completely bare before me.

"Christ." I breathed as I leaned my head against her stomach, trying to calm myself because I was close to losing it. One hand gripped her bare hip while the other found her hand and entwined our fingers. "You're so perfect." I said lifting my head up. I could smell her arousal and my dick was throbbing painfully in the confines of my denim.

"Edward, please." She pleaded as she tried to press her legs together. I took a deep breath and not wanting to waste any more time, I grabbed her feet and bent her knees, placing each foot flat onto the bonnet so that she was spread wide open for me.

I kneeled down in front of her and brought two fingers, sliding them between her folds before slipping them back inside of her where I began to pump her with my fingers. With my free hand I tugged her forward a little till her ass was on the edge of the car as my fingers continued to fuck her. Unable to restrain myself any longer I leaned forward and flicked her clit with the tip of my tongue. She cried out as I groaned a deep guttural groan from deep within my chest. She tasted fucking heavenly.

"Fuck, Bella." I growled before returning my tongue to her clit, flicking and licking it as my fingers thrust in and out of her. I grasped one of her ankles and let the back of her knee rest of my shoulder allowing me to replace my fingers with my tongue. Her breaths were now coming in short pants, her fingers gripping my hair for dear life as I fucked her hard with my tongue. I savored every thrust desperate to feel her come around my mouth where I wanted nothing more than to lap up her sweet juices.

"Edward." She gasped as I replaced my tongue back with my fingers and sucked on her clit, hard. I felt her legs began to shake so I quickened the pace of my fingers wanting to prolong her moment of ecstasy. She cried out as her orgasm hit her hard. I greedily lapped up all her juices, never tasting anything so incredible before. As she relaxed and tried to calm her breathing, I gave her clit a soft kiss before sliding myself back up her body. Her eyes were hooded, her face flushed and her body limp as she lay on the bonnet, her hair splayed out behind her.

I brushed a few strands of hair that were stuck to her forehead back, and then pulled her up into a sitting position. She fixed up her bra and tank and pulled her skirt down to cover her bare pussy from me. Her eyes met mine just as a huge smile broke out on her face, taking me by surprise, she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tight against her.

"That was so… it felt so good. Like you wouldn't believe." She murmured into my neck. I picked her up and pulled her off the car, allowing her to wrap her legs around me.

"You're the first girl I've ever done that too." I admitted. She pulled back to look at me, her brows furrowed.

"Really? But I thought-"

"Yeah, I've done a shit load of things but that was never one of them. I want you to know that it was the first time I've ever _wanted _or even had the desire to try it. You're different Bella. Stop thinking that I'm going to treat you like those other bitches I was with, because I'm not."

She smiled warmly at me and then leaned in to press her lips to mine. It started out slowly and innocent but then something seem to switch and Bella was kissing me with an intense passion it almost took my breath away.

_Pussy Alert… yep, that's me._

I ignored the ramblings of my brain and kissed her back, pouring all the need I had for her into that kiss. It was amazing how my sexual appetite for her was insatiable. I could never get enough of her. I jumped a little, being caught totally by surprise when I felt her hand over cock. I groaned when she began to rub me slowly.

"Fuck." I breathed as she set an excruciating pace, leaving me on the verge of wanting more but yet it felt too good to change pace. I sat her back down on the car to make her actions easier.

As if reading my mind, her hand fumbled with the zipper and buttons of my jeans, just as her teeth bit down on my ear lobe and pulled. Something she hadn't ever done before. She managed to release me from the confines of my denim and then free my cock from my boxers effortlessly. I sucked in sharp breath as soon as I felt my cock encased within her warm hand.

"Baby, fuck… your hand feels so good." I groaned as she began to pump me, no sign of the trepidation that was present last week. She had given me a hand job twice since that afternoon and each time she had gotten better and more confident with the idea. It was so cute when she looked all nervous in touching me that first afternoon but I completely understood and internally praised her for being so bold when I knew it was hard for her.

I groaned as she continued to work my cock just right, applying the right amount of pressure. She tugged me down to her face with her free hand by the back of my neck and crashed her lips to mine. Our tongues worked frantically, our kiss desperate and needy.

"I'm close. Fuck, I'm close." I panted against her lips.

She quickened her pace, running her palm over the head when her hand would reach the top before she'd slide it back down. My hands gripped her hips, needy something to grab as I felt the tightening in the pit of stomach recoiling.

"Come baby." She whispered into my ear and that sent me over the edge. I pulsed within her hand as my head fell to her shoulder, my legs feeling weak and my head beginning to spin.

"Fuck." I breathed as I gave time for my body to come down from the incredible onslaught of pleasure it just endured.

I felt her lips just behind my ear, as she placed soft delicate kisses on my skin. I pulled back and gazed into her eyes and trying to sort the emotions that were crashing through me.

"Your hand feels so good." I said with a smirk. She kissed me chastely chuckling at my admission before she pushed me back a little by my chest.

"Tissues?" She asked biting her lip to stop a grin.

I glanced down and saw myself all over her legs. "Well, fuck. This shit is getting messy."

"Mhm." She chuckled. "Let's get me cleaned up."

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**Thoughts...love it...hate it...let me know!**

**Fic reccomendation:**

**Beyond Time by TKegl - In a twist of fate, Bella is transported back in time to Chicago 1918. Bella's finds Edward but things may not turn out how she may have hoped for. Great sense of humour, a delectable shovelward...(yes, Edward with a shovel, sweat and dirt...gah!) Make sure you check this out. I squeal when this updates.**

**REVIEW if you love me... or if you just want Edward to go down on you on the bonnet of his Beemer *grins*  
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	23. Far & Away In More Ways Than One

**A/N- I'm late I know and I hate that I am because there is nothing more I hate than having to wait for stories to update, so apologies. It just seems like my family was out to keep me from writing these past two weeks... so blame them not me :)**

**Your reviews continue to bring the biggest smiles to my face and really do push me forward to write this story out. There is nothing better than positive feedback and hearing people enjoy your story... thank you!**

**To my beta luv4jake who is just all kinds of awesome. Applying her editing skills to make this perfect for you all... i had problems with spacing in this chapter... odd.**

**Twitter girls... fun and crazy times is just never enough with you lot... love you all.**

**Stormyinco and Debbliss, my family! Love you both so much!!**

Stephanie Meyer owns it all... I own a new iPhone... **  
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**BPOV**

"Have a beer."

"I don't want a beer, thank you."

"Come on… just take one, its light." He smirked, eyeing me up and down.

"Really, I don't want one."

I rolled my eyes at Phil's cousin's bad attempt at flirting and turned towards the living room. I maneuvered my way uncomfortably through the crowd of loud men and women and took a seat on the only empty couch there was available and hoped I'd go un-noticed. There was nothing I hated more than Phoenix and Phil's family. Not to mention the blazing heat that we were succumbed to. I sat in my denim Capri's and white tank, flip flops and hair pulled back into a pony tail. It was way too hot to even consider leaving out. This was not your traditional attire for Thanksgiving. But then again, beer, grilled steaks and men in shorts and flip flops didn't scream Thanksgiving either. Maybe I'm being harsh, a little too cynical because had the company been different, I probably wouldn't be complaining.

"There you are."

I looked up and found another one of Phil's cousins, Matt, holding a glass of what looked like lemonade.

"I heard you telling Dean that you didn't want a beer so I thought I'd get you a non-alcoholic drink. It's homemade lemonade." He held the large glass out for me to take with a sweet smile. I smiled slightly, tentatively reaching my hand out and accepting the glass.

"Thanks."

"May I sit down?" He asked politely. I nodded my head and scooted over a little to allow him a little more room to sit. Matt was probably the nicest one out of Phil's cousins, probably the most down to earth too. We have spoken briefly on the few visits I have made it down here in the past but we've never really spoken in depth. He was 23 and quite attractive with warm brown eyes and cropped blonde hair.

"Not how you expected to spend Thanksgiving, huh?" He asked quirking a smile.

"Not really no." I responded taking a small sip. "Mmm, this is really good."

"Yeah, my mum made it. I can give you a bottle of it to take back with you to Washington. She makes heaps of the stuff."

I was about to reply but four guys scuttled into the living room, loud and rowdy as they playfully shoved each other, mucking around.

"Yo, Matt, we're about to play a game of football. Come on." One guy that I had never seen before called out with a wave of his hand.

"Do you want to play?" Matt asked turning to me. I choked on my lemonade at his offer. I started to cough, trying to catch my breath as Matt began to pat me on the back. I held my hand up for him to stop as I calmed down.

"You ok?" he asked looking at me with concern.

"Yeah fine, sorry. Just… I don't-I can't play. You go ahead." I stuttered, gesturing with my hand for him to follow the guys.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yep. I actually might go lay down for a bit. I'm feeling a little tired." I said hoping he wouldn't push anymore. He was a nice guy and the only one out of Phil's family that I truly felt comfortable with but I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be in Seattle, with Edward.

"Alright, well I'll catch you later." He said with smile as he rose from the couch and followed the rest of the guys outside. I stood up right after him, clutching my glass of lemonade and started for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Renee asked me when I ran into her at the top of the stairs. She was just about to start heading down them.

"Just to lie a down a little." I shrugged.

"You're sure you're feeling ok?" She asked, her eyes studying me closely. "You haven't been yourself."

"Yep, yep I'm fine." I replied, forcing a smile and hoping it came across as reassuring before I shuffled my way past her and into the guest room that was going to be my room for the next 3 nights.

I closed the door softly behind me, turned the lock, and then made my way to the night stand where I placed my glass of lemonade. I walked over to where my duffle bag sat on the floor and pulled out my iPod. Walking back over to the bed, I sat on the edge and stuffed the ear phones into my ears and switched it on. _Heartless by Kanye West_ filtered through the phones and I smiled to myself as it was one of the songs that Edward loaded into my iPod that had easily become one of my favorites. Grabbing my phone from my back pocket I sent him a text. I hadn't spoken to him since our date last night.

**3 more days? I don't think I'll make it. I miss you **

I pressed send then tossed my phone onto the bed beside me. Glancing at the time displayed on the alarm clock resting on the bedside table, I noticed it was only 3 pm. Rubbing my hands over my face, I figured I could do with some sleep before dinner. I mean there was nothing better to do and sleep was an effective way to pass time.

I slipped my flip flops off and pulled my denim Capris off leaving me in my tank and thong. I walked over to my duffle and pulled out some cotton shorts and once I had them on, I slipped under the green covers and tried to sleep.

_Tried, _being the key word there because ever since last night, whenever I would close my eyes I would be bombarded with the memories of my date with Edward. More specifically the image of me sprawled out on the hood of his car while he went down on me. I felt my face heat at the vivid memory. I had never felt anything so extraordinarily pleasurable before. His long thin fingers were just the perfect tool to play a woman's body into ecstasy. But combine his fingers with his tongue and then… there aren't even words to express the intensity of the pleasure that rocked through me last night. Never had I expected or knew my body could be capable of such an experience.

I had my reservations at first, naturally. The thought of my boyfriend going down on me on top of his car out in public is quite the terrifying thought.

_Thrilling_.

That's what it had become. Forcing myself to relax and trust Edward to know that we were alone, I let my mind focus on Edward's ministrations with the faint thrill in the back of my mind that someone could have caught us.

What was I becoming?

Why does sex make people do things that are so out of character? The hold and control Edward possesses over my body could be an answer to that. The way my heart accelerates from just the blazing look in his eyes, all coherent thought escapes me.

I knew last night was a big deal for him. It was out of character for him and I knew he was trying hard to express to me that he could do this. He could do this relationship. He wasn't a failure like he may believe about himself. He certainly wasn't in my eyes. I loved him and I believed in him and although he doesn't possess the normal characteristics of a boyfriend at times, he is gentle with me, caring and loving. I would like to believe that he feels at least an ounce of love for me that I feel for him. Just an ounce and that would make me the happiest girl. Because I knew love for Edward Cullen doesn't come easily.

"_You seem sullen." I murmured as we sat in his car just outside my house after our date. The lights inside my house were off so I knew Phil and Renee had already gone to bed. I watched as his eyes focused ahead, miles away out the windshield, his face set into a scowl. He was brooding. I wasn't sure what changed. He was fine during our date, he even seemed to be more relaxed than usual, care free. But something seemed to shift on the ride home and something told me it had to do with the text message he received during our drive back. He had taken a quick glance at it, his clenched jaw flexing before he switched his phone off and tossed it in the back seat. When I asked him who it was he replied with a murmured and strained 'no one.'_

_He breathed quickly through his nose then glanced at me briefly as he ran a hand through his crazy hair. If it wasn't for the morose mood that was surrounding us I would have giggled at his hair since it was all my doing._

"_I'm being a dick, sorry." He said with a shake of his head and brief glance in my direction._

"_You can tell me." I offered, desperate to know what was always going on inside of his head. He was still a mystery to me._

"_I'm fucking up a good night with my brooding bull shit. Can I walk you to the door?" He asked, the skin between his brows puckered in deep thought._

"_Do you want to come up?" I asked before I could stop myself. It was risky but Renee and Phil were heavy sleepers and I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him just yet._

_I tried as quietly as I could to open the front door despite the fact that the chance of Renee or Phil hearing me was slim. The only thing that could wake Renee was the loud roar of my truck, but thankfully Edward's car was a quiet as a cat. _

"_Just watch your footsteps." I warned quietly as I stood aside for Edward to enter. Some of the floor boards were known to creak under pressure. He nodded in acknowledgement as I shut the door with a quiet click. We snuck up the stairs and into my room where I let out a sigh of relief once I had the door closed behind us. _

"_Do you have a lock on that door?" Edward asked nodding toward the door._

"_Ah, no. But Phil and Renee won't be up till seven or so. That's early for them but it was the only flight that could get us to Phoenix at a reasonable time." I explained._

_He nodded his head, his eyes darting around my dark room as a faint smile played at his lips. The moon outside was shining a streak of grey light in through the window, casting shadows over Edward's form._

"_What?" I asked as I watched him curiously. He didn't answer, instead he stalked over to me and cupped my face within his hands, his long fingers digging into my hair at the back of my head as he brought his forehead to rest against mine. His rapid breaths were ghosting across my face and I breathed him in greedily. He was fighting something and I wasn't sure what it was and to be honest he was starting to worry me. I desperately wanted to know what it was that text message said or even who it was from and a part of me knew it was all linked to Seattle somehow. I wanted him to open up to me, to tell me why his trip back home was causing him this much pain. I brought my hands up and placed them over his as they cupped my face. Eyes closed, he rubbed his nose lightly against mine, back and forth, my eyes fluttering shut at the feather light sensation. It felt so intimate that I could feel my heart hammering in quick succession, trying to deal with the onslaught of emotions that were washing over me in that moment. _

"_You're mine." He said softly but firmly. My breath got caught as that was the last thing I expected him to say. "Say it. Tell me." He pleaded as he ran his nose along my jaw, across my cheek, barely touching but enough so that I could feel the electricity that was ever present when we touched._

"_I'm yours." I whispered my voice barely audible. I was too overcome with emotions to speak any louder._

"_It doesn't sound like… you believe it…" He accused pulling back slightly to look me in the eyes. His eyes were dark, blazing, pained._

"_I am yours." I said more firmly this time, looking him straight in the eyes, expressing to him just how true those words were. _

_Locking his eyes with mine, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me ever so softly and tenderly that my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I wasn't sure what was going on with him but his kiss was desperate, delicate but desperate, full of emotion, like he was trying to express something deep to me. I struggled to breathe from the intensity of his kiss, his tongue caressing mine in soft touches and strokes, his lips nipping at mine with such a tenderness it was as if he feared he would hurt me if he went any rougher. His hands were still cupping the back of my head, holding me in place as he kissed me. _

_He_ _eventually_ _pulled away slowly and dropped his hands from around my face. My eyes were still closed, my chest rising and falling with my rapid erratic breaths. I was surprised I was able to breathe after that._

"_I should get going." His voice startled me in the lingering silence of the darkened room and his words sent panic to rush through me and settle in the pit of my stomach. I opened my eyes and found him looking… apprehensive? What just happened? He made his way to my bedroom door and reached out to turn the knob. Something wasn't right._

"_Wait." I said reaching out and grabbing his arm to stop him. He stood frozen for a moment as if contemplating whether to go or turn around. I could hear my heart in my ears as I waited for him, unsettled by his sudden change in demeanor. He finally managed to let go of the door knob and turned around slowly to face me, his gaze cautious as his eyes scanned my room briefly before they settled on me. "Where are you going? You're leaving just like that?" I asked, my voice drenched in anxiety._

"_You need to sleep." He said simply, his voice strained._

"_Edward, you can't just walk out after… after that kiss." I said in exasperation. "You can't just kiss me like that, like… so desperately and then just leave without saying anything." I wanted to know what was up with him and it was eating away at me not knowing._

_He let out a jagged breath as he brushed his hair back with his fingers but those few stubborn strands just fell back onto his forehead, dangling over his brows._

"_Do you want me to stay with you a little longer?" He asked._

"_What's up with you tonight?" I asked, my voice wavering in nervousness._

"_Nothing, nothing is fucking wrong." he snapped. "I… _fuck_." He said shaking his head. He took a deep calming breath before he continued. "Sorry, I'm just going through a myriad of emotions at the moment and it's fucking overwhelming."_

"_Seattle?" I questioned, desperate to know something, anything._

_He sighed, "Partly but yes."_

"_Sleep with me then..." I said, my voice pleading._

_He cocked an eyebrow at me in question. "What?"_

"_Don't go just yet… please? Stay with me." I said reaching up and trailing my fingers along his face. He hesitated before nodding in ok._

_I walked over to my chest of drawers, opened up the first drawer and pulled out a pair of white cotton panties. I felt his eyes on me as I stripped off the wet panties I had replaced on our way home and slipped on the fresh ones. I ripped my skirt off, lifted my tank top over my head and threw them into the laundry basket in the corner of my room. It was funny how comfortable I had become standing in just my panties and bra in front of him. He had this way of making me feel beautiful, he made me believe it with just a simple heated look in his eyes. _

_I grabbed my pajamas, some cream cotton shorts and a black tank top. Once I had the shorts on I reached behind me to unclasp my bra but before I could get it undone I felt Edward's hands over mine. I dropped my hands and allowed him to unclasp my bra with ease, his fingers delicately brushing the straps off my shoulders, my breathing coming out in ragged breaths from the delicate touch of his fingers. Feeling a pool of arousal shoot through me from his touch, I quickly grabbed my top and tugged it on before I gave in to my urges and attacked him._

_I turned around, threading my fingers with his and pulled him anxiously toward my bed._

"_Why are we fucking doing this again?" He asked sounding confused. _

"_I thought you could keep me company till I fell asleep." I stated, biting my lower lip._

"_What if we get caught?" He asked._

"_We won't. Unless you don't want to be here?" I alleged. At my comment, he tugged me onto the bed. He kicked off his shoes, jeans and shirt and tossed them to the floor beside my bed before climbing in after me, wearing nothing but his black boxers._

"_Don't ever accuse me of not wanting to be with you." He said sternly as he pushed us under the covers. "I'll always want you." He murmured pulling me against him tightly. _

_The feel of his skin against mine was almost too much to take. I snuggled into him, both of us facing each other on our sides, his arms wrapping around me protectively and burying his face into my hair. "I'm only staying till you fall sleep." He murmured, his voice muffled by my hair._

"_Ok."_

A knock on the door startled me, I hadn't realized I had fallen sleep. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes till I heard the knock again.

"Bella?" I heard Renee's voice from the other side of the door.

With a huff, I flung the covers off me, swung my feet over the side of the bed and padded to the door, opening it.

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." She said. "Everyone is downstairs."

"Oh, ok." I said palming my forehead to try and wake up my groggy brain. "Give me a minute, I was asleep." I croaked.

"You feeling ok, baby?" She asked.

"Fine, I'll be down in a sec." I said trying to reassure her with what I hoped was a convincible smile.

Closing the door after her, I turned back to my room with a sigh. I quickly made the bed, then walked over to my duffle and rummaged through it for something appropriate to wear. It was so incredibly hot that I needed something to keep me cool.

I pulled out two different skirts that I had packed and a pair of fitted knee length denim shorts. I stared down at the skirts contemplating if I was brave enough to wear one.

I wasn't.

The simple thought of wearing a skirt and exposing my legs seemed like a terrifying prospect to me at present. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't swallow the thought of walking downstairs with my pale, shapeless legs on display for everyone to scrutinize. I grabbed both skirts and shoved them back in the duffle bag and roughly zipped it up.

Out of sight, out of mind.

No such thought had travelled through my head yesterday when I was getting ready for my date with Edward. I didn't think of it, I just grabbed one and wore it without a second thought. And that was probably the first time I had ever voluntarily worn a skirt since I was 12. It had also been the first time I had worn that specific skirt since I purchased it 2 years ago. The only reluctance that I had experienced last night was the fact that I was terrified of trying on a piece of clothing that I hadn't worn in two years.

Anorexia was a bitch.

A total and complete mind fuck.

And as much as I believed I was over it and didn't possess any symptoms that called for concern, I possessed a few that _I_ only knew about. Voices that travelled through my mind on a daily basis that were a constant reminder of the hell I suffered through 5 years ago.

The skirt fit me.

The overwhelming joy and relief that I felt at that simple fact was quite sickening yet I couldn't find it in me to stop the grin that formed on my face. I hadn't gained weight in 2 years. That was something to celebrate in my mind.

But the thought of simply wearing a skirt on a hot summers evening to Thanksgiving dinner, I just couldn't swallow it.

_Lots of guys that will undoubtedly stare._

_Lots of strangers to stare at those pale legs._

_A skirt will only attract unwanted attention to your body._

I shook the negative thoughts from my head before they could gain their control over my mind completely and tried to focus. I didn't have Edward near me for the comfort he provided me regarding my lack of self confidence. Edward fought away those thoughts in my mind with a few effortless words and he didn't even know it.

Grabbing the pair of denim shorts, I pulled them on and paired them with a dark blue camisole. Pulling my hair out of its pony tail, I brushed my fingers through it roughly and retied it, trying to make it look presentable after the mess I'd made of it while I was sleeping. I grabbed a pair of black sandals and slipped them on before grudgingly making my way downstairs.

I walked into the living room to find the hum of voices filtering in from the yard. I made my way outside, finding about 20 people or so scattered around the yard, enjoying drinks, casual chatter and some, a plate of food.

"Bella, nice to see you've finally joined us." I turned my head to the irritation filled voice of Phil, where he stood in position by the grill. I knew he wasn't impressed with me disappearing for most of the day and admittedly it was rude on my part, but that wasn't something he could make me feel bad for.

"Grab a plate, these steaks are almost done." He said pointing with his barbecue tongs to a stack of paper plates sitting on a table near by. They only reminded me of my picnic with Edward the night before.

Grabbing a plate and accepting a steak I had no desire of eating with a side of potato salad, I joined Renee who was sitting with Phil's mother, Kath and two cousins chatting animatedly. I smiled awkwardly at them as I took a seat in the empty chair beside Renee and tried to look interested in their conversation as I picked at my steak.

It wasn't long before the conversation's focus turned to me. I answered their questions with as much fake interest as I could muster, which I personally believed was minimal. I earned a few 'not so subtle' frowns from Renee from my lack of enthusiasm but it wasn't enough to make me try harder. I realized I was probably being a little insolent and rude but she knew I had no desire to be here so why should I fake it? I was hoping my behavior would discourage her from forcing me to Phoenix the next time they planned to visit.

After everyone finished eating and dessert was served people started leaving. I sat on one of the outdoor benches and checked the time. It was reaching 8pm and I was hoping I could sneak up to my room to call Edward. I still hadn't spoken to him.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were ignoring me."

I looked up to see the big white toothy grin of Matt. I couldn't help but smile back, his good mood infectious.

"No, sorry. I guess I'm here but just not really _here._" I explained meekly.

"Oh ok." He said taking the empty seat beside me. "Any particular reason?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Let me guess, it's a boy?" He asked raising an eyebrow expectantly. I couldn't help the smile that surfaced, just the mere thought of Edward had that affect on me. "K, I got my answer." He said with a chuckle. "Have you been dating long?"

"Almost 2 months." I replied.

"Still new, nice. Is he back in Washington? Its Forks, right?"

"Yeah, but he's in Seattle for Thanksgiving." Just as I answered my phone buzzed with a message. I quickly slipped my phone out of my back pocket, trying to tone down my excitement in front of Matt and checked it to find a text from Edward.

**Fuck, just saw your text now. Today has been a total and utter shit hole. I want to talk to you. Can I call you now?**

"You need to go?" Matt asked watching me closely. I looked up from my phone and met his warm eyes and nodded reluctantly.

"I can go later its no big deal." I said with a shake of my head not wanting to be rude and run off to speak to Edward.

"No, its ok, it's understandable. If I had a girl like you I'd be anxious to speak to her too." He said with a sweet smile. It didn't come across as sleazy, he was just being nice. Of course I blushed at his comment.

We said our goodbyes, Matt mentioning he would drop by Saturday to maybe show me around Phoenix which I happily accepted. At the moment I'd take up any offer that would help pass the time and bring Sunday closer. I hurried up to my bedroom after saying a quick good bye to the remaining visitors.

**Give me ten to shower.**

I sent the text to Edward wanting to sit and talk to him without rushing. I grabbed some panties and my pajamas and scampered into the bathroom down the hall. I showered quickly, anxious to hear from Edward, tugged my pajamas on roughly and hurried back to my room. Just as I was closing the door behind me my phone rang.

"Hey." I answered, I could hear the smile in my voice.

"Baby, fuck it's good to hear your voice." He said sounding stressed.

"You ok?"

He let out a long audible breath, "My day has been pretty fucked. Nothing like forced politeness between the fam at Thanksgiving dinner." He scoffed.

"Tell me."

"I don't really want to talk about it but you could cut the tension with a fucking knife at dinner. I don't know what the fuck is going on between my uncle Caius and Carlisle but the shit was weird."

"Hasn't their relationship always been a little weird?" I mentioned, remembering Edward mentioning that to me a couple of times.

"Yeah it has but tonight was just… I don't know. This is the first Thanksgiving in three years that Caius has attended. He normally is on vacation around this time of year."

"What do you think it is?"

"Fuck if I know." His response was muffled and it sounded like he was running his hands over his face or something.

"Where are you?"

"Huh? I'm at home." He said sounding a little confused by my question.

"Home Forks or home Seattle? You said you wanted to drive back to Forks tonight."

"Oh yeah, fuck. No, my Aunt Elizabeth pressured me into staying. I haven't seen her in months and she knows I can't deny her. We're really close, she's the only one that kind of seems to believe in me despite the fuckery I've made of my life in the past 2 years."

"I believe in you." I said firmly.

"I know you do baby." He murmured. "Fuck, I miss you." He breathed. I began chewing my lip, the desperation in his voice doing weird things to me. I wanted nothing more in this moment than to be in the warmth and comfort of his arms.

"Me too."

"Tell me, has your day been better than mine?" He asked. I could hear shuffling around on his end.

"Boring." I sighed. "We had a barbecue earlier and people just started leaving about half an hour ago. Phil has a big family."

"I hope no one has been fucking harassing you." He said with a little humor in his voice although I could sense the seriousness in his statement.

"No, they're all ok. I haven't really mingled with anyone. Except for Matt, he is really nice."

"Matt?" He questioned, his voice hard as I heard more shuffling on his end.

_Shit._

"Just a cousin of Phil's."

"Have you told the fucker you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes and he isn't hitting on me, he is just genuinely nice. Don't worry." I said with slight irritation.

"Well if he needs reminding I'll fly over there myself-"

"Edward." I said cutting him off. As much as the thought of Edward getting all possessive over me sent a warm quiver to erupt through me, it irritated me that he'd think every guy I spoke to was only trying to get into my pants. I could hear more shuffling on his end and I wondered what he was doing. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Stripping my clothes off. I was in bed but my jeans were irritating the fuck out of me so I'm trying to rip them off." He said breathlessly. "Give me a sec." he said before I heard him put the phone down. I couldn't believe the way my body fired up at the thought of Edward stripping. The sight of his toned chest and sculpted shoulders. His tattoos. I wanted nothing more right now than to run my fingers over the ridges of his torso and over the intricate details of his Cullen Crest tattoo on his back.

"I'm good." He said snapping me out of my reverie.

"Y-you're just in your boxers now?" I asked before I could stop myself. I heard his light chuckle.

"Hmhm. And ah… just the sound of your voice has me hard Bella." he said seductively. I felt the heat rush to my face as I struggled to find an appropriate response.

"Are you really…" I drifted off unable to finish my sentence.

"What are you wearing?" He asked ignoring my question.

"Edward, no." I said quickly.

"Oh come on, baby, help me out here."

"I'm in a tank and some shorts."

"No bra?"

"No bra."

"Fuck." He breathed. "What color is the tank?"

"White."

"Jesus. So if I was there, I could probably see your nipples poking through the fabric?" He asked in a low breathy voice.

"Edward." I breathed, feeling the familiar pool of arousal settle low in my belly.

"What?"

"Stop it." Although my voice held no demand.

"Stop what?"

"I know what you're trying to do." I accused.

"Are you… liking it?" He whispered. I pressed the palm of my free hand to my forehead, the sound of his breathy voice and the images of him lying on his bed in nothing but his boxers almost too much for me to take. "Bella?" He asked when I didn't respond.

"Yeah?"

"You ok?"

I took a calming breath before I answered, "So what are you doing tomorrow now that you're unexpectedly staying." I asked, trying to change the subject.

"I don't know yet, probably hang with my cousins. Are you touching yourself, baby?"

"Edward!" I said. I heard his musical chuckle as I felt my face flame. As much as that thought seemed a great way to release the pressure that has built deep in my belly I wasn't game enough to try.

"Sorry." He said, the amusement in his voice clear. "We're going to have to change that about you."

"Change what?" I asked shifting in my spot to try and ignore the heat emanating from between my thighs.

"You touching yourself. You'll love it baby. Although, I want to be the only one to ever bring you to the point of ecstasy because there is nothing more I love than touching you."

My mouth opened to respond but nothing came out. I quickly composed myself and changed the subject. With a light chuckle he didn't push it and the conversation steered into non-sexual territory to my relief. We spoke for a good hour before Edward was struggling to keep his eyes open.

"I'll speak to you tomorrow?" I asked trying to keep the desperation out of my voice.

"Tomorrow. I'll be driving back to Forks tomorrow evening."

"_After some drinks!" _

"Is that Emmett?" I asked, smiling.

"Fuck. Yeah. What the fuck have I told you about knocking?" Edward snapped at Emmett.

"_Give me the phone."_

"Get fucked."

"Edward?"I said.

"Yeah?"

"Give Emmett the phone." I giggled.

"You serious?" He asked.

"_Listen to your girlfriend, man."_

"Ten minutes." Edward huffed immaturely.

"BFF, what's shaking, baby?" Emmett's voice rumbled through the phone making a grin stretch across my face. He was such a happy spirit.

"_Hey!"_ I heard Edward yell from the background.

"Hi BFF." I smiled. "What's he 'hey-ing' about?" I asked about Edward.

"Fuck off." I heard Emmett say but it was muffled and there was some shuffling before an audible '_ow, fuck off bitch'_. "Sorry, yeah, apparently I'm forbidden from calling you baby." Emmett snickered.

"That sounds about right." I giggled.

"How's the hot weather. Been cooling off in some chlorine?"

"No, I wish. But I prefer the cool weather of Washington." I admitted.

"That's where me and you are different." Emmett said in all seriousness. "I like the warmth of the sun, that's why I plan on going to college on the west coast."

We continued to chat for about ten minutes before Edward forced Emmett off the phone.

"Bye Bella, see you Monday!"

"Bye Emmett!"

"If I didn't stop him he would have kept going." Edward said taking over from Emmett.

"That's ok. I like talking to him." I said genuinely.

"_Oh! Wii tennis, me and you BFF when you're back home!" _Emmett yelled from somewhere in the background.

"I thought I told you to fucking leave?" Edward said irritably.

"_There is no escaping it Bella!" _Emmett yelled ignoring Edward, before I heard a door slam shut.

"He's been irritating me like a bitch about this whole Wii thing. He won't give it up."

"He's determined." I laughed.

After our goodbyes and the promise to speak tomorrow night we hung up and I settled into bed, kicking the cover off of me because it was just too hot.

After freshening up and getting dressed in some black Capris and pink t-shirt the following morning, I padded my way downstairs, the house surprisingly quiet for 8am. Since arriving early yesterday the house had been buzzing with family so the peace I woke up to was unexpected.

I walked into the kitchen to find Renee and Kath drinking coffee and chatting quietly.

"Morning, Bella!" Kath exclaimed.

"Good morning." I replied walking over to the coffee pot and pouring myself some much needed coffee. "You're up unusually early." I said turning to face Renee with furrowed brows as I cradled my coffee mug close to my chest.

She smirked, "There's a perfectly good reason."

I cocked an eyebrow in question, nothing was ever reason enough for Renee to wake up early.

"What do you say to some shopping?" She asked with a hopeful face. I tried to smile as not to be rude but I was sure it came out as a grimace. That wasn't how I had expected to spend my day.

"Black Friday. The bargains you'd find today are not to be missed." Kath encouraged. I stared back and forth between them, their eyes lit up in positive expectation. I couldn't really deny them, could I? I had nothing better to do and I guess it would help the time pass a lot quicker.

"Sure, ok." I agreed gingerly.

And that's how my day was spent, dodging the crowds of persistent and determined bargain shoppers and scouring the shops for good buys. Renee found a couple pair of jeans and a jacket that she was happy with. Kath bought some small kitchen appliances and a hat, while I bought a new pair of boots and some t-shirts. I was relieved to have gotten some benefit out of the trip.

By the end of the day I was exhausted and utterly spent. My feet hurt, I had a headache and I was just desperate to get home, throw my bags to the floor of my room and sink into the covers of my bed and sleep. And that was exactly what I did as soon as we got home. I slept right through dinner and well into the next morning.

I woke up the following morning at the early hour of 6am. I felt refreshed and relaxed after my 12 hours of sleep that I didn't bother trying to catch more rest despite the early hour. I slipped out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom with a change of clothes for a quick shower considering I slept without one the night before. As I let the warm water tumble down my body I remembered that I hadn't spoken to Edward the day before, nor had I checked my phone during the shopping trip as I was struggling through the crowds and balancing loads of bags. Hurrying out of the shower and getting dressed quickly, I rushed back to my room to check my phone. I had 2 missed calls and three text messages from Edward.

**I'm assuming your fucking busy since you're not answering your phone… call me.**

**Where are you?**

**Fuck, seriously Bella, you really know how to worry a guy.**

I felt guilty for worrying him over my lack of communication so I quickly gave him a call even though it was still a little early. I got his voicemail so I left a quick message.

"Hey baby, sorry about yesterday. I guess I don't really have an excuse for not checking my phone besides that fact that I was too busy shopping, lame I know. Hope all is well with you. Speak to you later."

I hung up and checked the remainder of my messages.

**Hope Phoenix is treating you well? Can't wait to have you back home so I can show you my black Friday bargains!!**

I rolled my eyes at Alice's message but giggled at the enthusiasm that she managed to incorporate even in her text messages.

**Forks is boring when you're not in it : ) I miss you, hope you're having a good trip.**

That was from Jake and it made me smile. He could be really sweet when he wanted to.

**You're seriously coming back Sunday? Emmett gets back tonight! Welcome home BJ anyone? *smirks**

I stifled a laugh at Rose's crude message, it was no surprise really. I felt a tinge of envy at the fact she was going to see Emmett tonight while I had to wait till Sunday to see Edward.

Sighing, I quickly replied to all their messages even Edward's regardless of the fact that I had left him a voicemail already. Once I was done, I left my room and made my way downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen to find Kath by the stove frying up some French toast.

"Morning!" she said with a wide smile when she spotted me.

"Morning." I replied with a smiling slightly. I poured myself a glass of OJ from the jug sitting on the counter.

"Sleep well?" She asked turning to me.

"Yeah." I nodded. I realized I was being rude so I decided to say something. "Everyone still sleeping?" That was an ok conversation starter, right?

"Renee and Phil are. Jack is out grabbing the paper." She explained turning back to the stove. "You're just in time, take a seat, these are almost done."

A moment later Phil's father, Jack, entered the kitchen with a bulky newspaper tucked beneath his arm. "Good morning Bella."

"Good morning." I responded taking a sip of my juice.

"Take a seat Jack, us three can eat while we wait for Phil and Renee. Who knows how long they'll be asleep." Kath chuckled as she began serving up three plates of French toast and eggs. We dug into breakfast chatting occasionally. They were both nice people and I found them easier to talk to than Phil. Jack finished first, taking his plate to the sink and then poured himself a cup of coffee. He sat back down at the breakfast bar and opened up his newspaper to read. When Kath and I finished, I insisted on cleaning up feeling like I should do something to help. She wouldn't have any of it but finally she relented to just let me dry the dishes.

Phil wandered into the kitchen all showered and dressed in some khaki shorts and a polo just as I was putting away the last plate. His mother rushed to serve him a plate that she had warming in the oven as Phil took a seat at the bar. Renee followed suit about five minutes later.

I was just about to head upstairs when there was a knock on the door. Jack got up to answer it and walked in a few moments later with Matt. He smiled warmly at me before greeting everyone in the room.

"Matt, coming to play some ball?" Phil asked shoveling his last spoonful of eggs into his mouth.

"Ah no…" he said glancing at me briefly, "I just came to take Bella out, show her what Phoenix has to offer." He shrugged as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, seeming a little uncomfortable in admitting that. Phil's eyes darted back and forth between me and Matt before a grin all but etched his way across his features.

"Well, Renee and I were planning on doing that today. Why don't you join us?" Phil suggested.

"Ah… ok." Matt nodded gingerly, looking a little down at the prospect. I was suddenly relieved at Phil's suggestion after seeing the forlorn look on Matt's face. Maybe this day out had meant something more to him than it did to me? But he knew I had a boyfriend so maybe I was just reading too much into it.

Half an hour later, the four of us were on the road. Our first destination, decided by Phil, was the Desert Botanical Gardens much to my surprise but excitement. To the average teenager, a visit to the gardens to check out desert plants probably wouldn't sound like a great way to spend a day but to me I couldn't have been happier. The brief stint with photography that I had back when I was in recovery gave me a new appreciation for nature. Nature was beautiful, soothing and reflected both the simplicity and complexity of life. You couldn't misconstrue the beauty of nature through the lens of the camera.

Matt didn't seem too interested as the four of us walked around, dragging his feet as we went but I tried attracting his interest by explaining what little I knew about particular desert plants as we passed. It seemed to work and he appeared surprised by my knowledge. It was an opportunity for me to learn all about flora of the desert and appreciate the differences between them and the flora that was found in forests, which was all I knew from living in Forks. I found as we walked that I wished I had my camera with me, and it made me realize that despite the fact that I only took the hobby up to steer the concentration of my thoughts, it was something I had thoroughly enjoyed and missed.

We were out of there by noon and I couldn't help but chuckle at the relieved expression on Matt's face as soon as we walked out the premises and back to the car. I guess living in the desert, there was nothing in there that he hadn't seen before.

We grabbed a light lunch at a little Mexican place before we were on the road again. Phil decided we would drive what was called the _Apache Trail_. It was without a doubt a challenging drive which had me on the edge of my seat the entire way as it was so dangerous. Phil had to keep reassuring me that he had taken this trail numerous times and was well aware of its dangers but that did nothing to help settle my nerves as I cowardly sunk into the back seat of the SUV and refused to look out my window. Matt chuckled at me a few times to which I could do nothing but glare back at him but he tried to calm me down by holding my hand. It was unexpected and caught me by surprise even though I knew it was purely to comfort me but I have to say it felt odd, wrong. I didn't pull away in fear of being rude so I just smiled softly and then quickly looked away. After about a minute, I assured him I was feeling ok, despite the fear coursing through me and slipped my hand out of his.

We made two stops along the way, once to the Goldfield Ghost Town and then briefly at the Canon Recreation Area. I forced Renee to sit in the back with me on the way back as to avoid cuddling into Matt in fear.

I had sent two messages to Edward during the day, both to which I still hadn't gotten a reply to. I wasn't concerned but I knew he was most likely back in Forks now so I couldn't think of a reason that would have him unable to reply.

After dinner that night, I excused myself as soon as I'd finished and hurried up to my room to call Edward. It was reaching 8:30 and I still hadn't heard from him. When he didn't answer again, I tried again another two times, both to which sent me straight to his voicemail.

**Just let me know that you're ok, I'm worried about you. Miss you xox**

I pressed send and ran my hands through my hair wondering where he could be that he couldn't hear his phone or even check it. I decided a relaxing bath would be a great way to try and get my mind off of Edward and his whereabouts. Filling up the tub and pouring in some scented bath salts I found beneath the basin, I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the warm soothing water. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips as I sank myself down and relaxed into the tub. I closed my eyes and tried to thinking of nothing but that was never a possibility with me.

My hand reached up and palmed my bare neck, reminding me of Jacob's broken necklace and lost pendant. His reaction was better than I had been expecting but then again with Jake, he was great at toning down his disappointment if he really wanted to.

"So what happened?" He asked frowning at my bare neck before his eyes found mine again. There was no way in Hell I was going to tell him exactly how it happened, that would just tear him apart.

"Ah… I don't really know. I just felt it slip down my neck one afternoon. It was getting old." I shrugged trying to play if off.

"Do you have the pendant at least?" He asked seeming really disappointed about it. I shook my head in the negative. "Ok, I'll get you another one. Nothing will replace the sentiment of the other one but still."

"You don't have to get me anything, Jake."

"I want to. I liked you having something from me permanently around your neck. At least this time I can afford something worth a little more." He smirked. I smiled back at him, walking up to him and throwing my arms around him.

"Love you, Jakey."

"Love you Belly." He laughed.

The beeping of my phone disrupted my thoughts. I jolted in surprise within the water, sending some of it to flow over the tub and out the side. Cursing, I stood and grabbed my towel that I had sitting on the edge of the tub and quickly wrapped it around me as I stepped out and padded to where my phone sat on the basin.

**I'm fine. **

My brows furrowed as I stared back at the odd message. It didn't sound right… _he_ didn't sound right.

I impatiently selected his number and pressed send, holding the towel wrapped around me closely as I sat on the edge of the tub and waited.

"Hey." he answered shortly.

"Hi baby. Sorry about yesterday." I said quickly.

"You had me worried as fuck. It doesn't fucking take much to pick up a fucking phone and send a fucking text." He said sounding completely agitated. I chewed my lip wondering why he sounded so worked up.

"You ok?" I asked hesitantly, bracing myself for anything.

"Just a fucking stressful 72 hours that's all." He replied, sighing heavily.

"Want to talk about it."

He scoffed, "This isn't shit that I can just discuss over the phone, Bella."

"When I get back then?" I was desperate for him to open to me, he was so closed off when it came to his past. I knew it was nothing personal but I couldn't help but feel a little annoyed that he couldn't freely open up to me like I had to him.

"You get back tomorrow, right?" He asked, dismissing my question.

"Yeah."

We talked for another fifteen minutes which consisted mainly of a brief overview of my last two days. He listened quietly, not really contributing much to the conversation besides 'mmm's and yeah's' every now and then. I knew he wasn't himself, he certainly didn't sound like himself but I tried not to worry myself over it too much because I was going to get answers out of him when I got back tomorrow, that I was sure of. I needed something, anything to help me understand why he was the way he was. It would make our relationship a lot easier.

"I'll let you go, you sound tired." I said after realizing he sounded bored… or just tired.

"Yeah, my eyes are fucking each other. I can't focus, I'm so beat."

"You sure you're ok?" I asked.

"You keep asking me that. I'm peachy fucking keen." He said sarcastically.

"Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be home around 2."

"K, well Good night Bella."

"Night Edward." I murmured as I hung up. I set my phone back down on the basin, my eyes fixated on it as I fought the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something definitely wasn't right with him.

* * *

**What's going on with Edward?**

**I promise you'll find out next chapter... let me know what you think is going on with him, I'd love to hear your theories.**

**You know what to do now. The buttons changed but it does the same thing...REVIEW and maybe Edward will demand you to say you're his.  
**


	24. Shadows

**A/N- Big massive Thank yous to my readers! Your reviews make me squeal with delight whenever I read them.. and I read them over and over. Yes, I'm lame that way...**

**Luv4jake, thank you for beta'ing this long ass chapter! It drove me nuts going through it myself so I can only imagine what you went through to edit it. Love you bunches**

**Twitter Whack Pack... each and every one of you rocks my socks! Mwa!  
**

**Stormyinco and Debbliss... my two favourite girls! Love you**

**Everyone had their theories about what down in Seattle with Edward. Some of you were close, some of you not so close. Lets see what really happens, shall we?**

**  
**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, all of it! Except Rob. I wish i owned him, or he owned me, i'm not fussed really.

* * *

**Simple Plan – Untitled (How could this happen to me)**

I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight  
And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:  
How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't

How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me  
untittled by simple plan

I've made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me

**EPOV**

"Fuck, that tasted good." Emmett moaned as he rubbed his stomach in satisfaction. "Never thought I'd have to go this long without having one of those subs, man."

"Mm, it was good." I mumbled absentmindedly through the cigarette I held between my lips as I impatiently searched for my lighter. "Fuck." I said patting the pockets of my black cargos and jacket.

"Lighter?"

"Yes, lighter. Have one on you?" I mumbled looking up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"No." He said with a shake of his head.

"Fuck this." I muttered taking the cigarette out of my mouth. I scanned the crowd of people milling the streets around us, hoping to find a smoker somewhere among them. I spotted a girl standing outside a boutique across the road, smoking. I made my way over to her.

"You got a lighter?" I asked before I had even reached her. She turned her head to me, her eyes immediately scanning me up and down as she exhaled. She gave me an impish smile as she reached into her jacket pocket and held out a diamante studded gas lighter.

I cocked an eyebrow at her, "Seriously?"

"Not man enough to light your cigarette from a diamante studded lighter?" She smirked. I rolled my eyes and held my hand out for it, palm face up. She slowly placed it my hand, letting her fingers brush along my palm slowly as she withdrew her hand. I eyed her skeptically, wondering if she could fucking reek 'desperate' any more than she already was. She wouldn't have been more than 18 or so, blonde hair, blue eyes, skin tight jeans and a low cut top… she was cute but not.

I quickly lit my cigarette, cupping my hands over the end and then handed the lighter back to her as I took a much needed hit. "Thanks." I muttered.

"My pleasure." she winked. With a shake of my head I turned and made my way back over to Emmett.

We had just entered the city of Seattle about an hour ago. After the drive from Forks, Emmett had suggested we stop for a lunch break before heading straight over to our Aunt Liz's place. I had to remind him that in a few hours we were going to be sitting down for one of Aunt Liz's massive Thanksgiving feasts.

"Pfft." He said with a shake of his hand. "This is just to the get the wheels turning, you know?" He had responded just before ordering himself a sub with 'the works'.

God bless him.

"You ready?" Emmett asked once I reached him by our cars.

"After I finish this."

We had each made the trip down in our own cars as the last thing I wanted was to be tied down to anyone for when I wanted to leave Seattle. If it were up to me, I'd make my escape tonight right after dinner, but knowing my Aunt Liz, she would want me to stay and I have to admit it probably wouldn't take much for her to convince me. She was the one person that I trusted whole heartedly, more so than my own father.

Speaking of fathers, Carlisle had left before Em and I this morning. He had stopped by the hospital for a few hours first, and then headed straight here. The last time I heard from him was when he called Emmett to let him know he had arrived in Seattle and that was over 4 hours ago. The guy seemed impatient to just get here and there was only one motive I could think of for that.

Pussy.

At least that was all I could justify for his impatience because really, Seattle held nothing but bleak memories of loss, death and fuck ups for the three of us.

"You're not going home first are you?" Emmett asked, as he played with his phone. My eyes flickered to his.

"Home? Why in the fuck would I go home first?"

He shrugged, "Don't know, just a thought."

"No." I said taking one last drag and flicking the butt to the floor. "I'm ready."

"Alright." He said stuffing his phone into his pocket and pushing himself off his car. "See you there." He opened the driver's side door of his Jeep and slipped in. I pushed my hair off my face and circled my car and climbed in. Turning on the ignition, I peeled out of the parking space right on Emmett's tail and followed him to our Aunt's house.

My date last night with Bella had gone better than I expected and to say that I enjoyed myself would be the fucking understatement of the century. After spending the evening with her mucking around and then getting frisky I wouldn't have believed anything could have fucked up my good mood. That was until I received a text message on the drive back to her house from my cousin Heidi.

**Hey Cuz, guess who was just here? Vicki and Charlotte ;P I don't think I have ever seen Vicki grin so bad since you left… she's waiting!**

Funny how only 5 fucked up months ago, had I received a text like that from Heidi regarding Vicki I would have jumped on that shit within a second. No strings attached sex. That was all that ever concerned me. But the thought of seeing Vicki and having to dodge her advances once I got there was not what had fucked up my mood last night.

Charlotte.

We've spoken since that night, at the funeral mainly but after that, never in depth and never looked each other in the eye again. The guilt and pain that gnawed away on our insides whenever we were in close proximity was almost too much to take. We tried in the beginning to act as normal as our fucked up situation would allow but after a few months we realized the little bit of relief we were gripping onto that was supposed to come with time just never happened. I haven't seen her in a year. A decision made by the both of us.

Time heals all wounds.

Never have I believed in such fuckery.

Maybe that time will come… the day I die and peace will consume me. That was all I could think of.

I didn't want to get into it with Bella last night. I wasn't going to see her for a few days, we had had such a great night so I tried to dismiss it but the throbbing in my chest just wouldn't subside. I mentally may have been able to switch off somewhat but physically I just couldn't fucking do it.

When she invited me in, I couldn't have jumped on the offer fast enough. I really didn't want to say goodbye to her in my car. Once in her room, no lights, no sounds but our breaths I couldn't keep my hands to myself. With that, as I gazed at her in the light of the moon, I realized one thing that tumbled down on me in a charge of emotion.

I loved her.

I had always known my feelings for Bella were different to anything I had ever experienced for anyone.

Ever.

Unless Cupid was just fucking with me.

So it wasn't unexpected but it was fucking overwhelming because I realized that if I needed anything or _anyone_ that was going to help me deal with the dreaded next few days of facing shit I had no desire of facing, it would be her. But I couldn't have her.

So I kissed her and poured every single bit of my emotions into that kiss, trying desperately to express to her the love I couldn't quite yet voice.

I slipped out and went home about half an hour after she had fallen asleep. It took everything in me to drag myself away from her and leave her in that bed all alone. Had the chance of Renee and Phil catching us in the morning been slim to none I would have stayed the night. I was so close to voicing my love to her sleeping form but I choked up. It was then I realized it wasn't about her hearing it at all, it was the fact that I couldn't seem to say it out loud because then it would confirm it to myself. This was something I needed to come to terms with myself because it was all so fucking overwhelming.

I followed Emmett as he made the last turn on to my Aunt's street. I felt the familiar tug in my chest that I tried unsuccessfully to fight off as we neared her house. The memories that were present for me at almost every corner of Seattle was too much to take. I could feel the joint I had just before I left was wearing off considerably. Since I didn't have any weed at home, I made Emmett follow me to Jasper's house where I rolled up a joint and smoked it before hitting the road earlier today. Dealing with shit sober just wasn't an option for me. I was going to have to meet up with Demetri later on to get some stuff off him.

We pulled up outside Aunt Liz's house and no doubt, Carlisle's black Mercedes sat in her driveway. I watched through the windshield as Emmett got out of the car and headed toward me with pursed lips. He leaned down and knocked on my driver's side window, probably wondering why the fuck I hadn't made a move to get out. I gingerly opened my door and stepped out.

"You feeling ok?" He questioned, eyeing my face warily.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Let's just get this shit over with." I said brushing my hair back. I felt Emmett's big hand clamp down on my shoulder and give a reassuring squeeze as we turned to head to the front door.

But the door flew open before we had even reached it, and there stood Aunt Liz. I felt the familiar tightening in my chest that was forever associated with her presence since the death of my mother. Her copper hair, the exact same shade as mine, hung down with volume to her shoulders, green eyes and beautiful creamy skin, she was almost identical to my mother in appearance. She had such a grace and elegance about her.

"My boys!" She exclaimed as she threw her arms around Emmett as he engulfed her into a tight hug, lifting her off the ground slightly. Emmett had always been able to hide his emotions better than I could. But I could read him whenever he got emotional without needing to see his face. Just by the way he was hugging her tightly I could tell he was thinking the same as me.

_If only mom was here._

He pulled away eventually giving her a soft smile and an uncomfortable sideways glance in my direction. I saw the red rimming his eyes as he quickly turned away from me and beat me inside. My eyes darted to my Aunt's as she eyed me with a soft smile, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"Edward… look at you..." She breathed as she pulled me into a hug. I hated to admit it but it felt good. It felt good to feel the love that only a mother could provide. Nothing could replace the love and affection of my mother Esme but the emotions that welled inside of me from Liz was close enough. I tentatively raised my arms and wrapped them around her gently. She rubbed my back soothingly as she pulled away enough to look at me, "You're looking so great Edward." She said as a tear slipped out.

"Hey, cut that shit out." I said with a soft chuckle as I wiped away her tear with the pad of my thumb.

"You may look different but I see you're still the same Edward." She chuckled. I smirked as I stepped out of her grasp as I was not used to being held for so long.

She ushered me inside, where the smell of Turkey and warmth and just pure _Thanksgiving_ assaulted me. It was extremely comforting. Turning into the lounge, I spotted Carlisle talking to Emmett by one of the couches, a glass of scotch in his hands. The place was warm and cozy, decorated with hues of gold, browns and beige. Mom had loved the project of decorating the interior of this house. I remember her grins whenever she would complete a room or a feature wall, it was all she loved doing.

"Hey you!" I was jolted back by a small body and blonde hair that was catapulted into me and engulfed in a tight hug.

I grinned at her enthusiasm as I hugged her back. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her. She pulled back to look at me, holding me at arms length, her piercing green eyes shining back at me.

"You're late." She said poking me in the chest. I winced and brought my hand up to rub the sore spot.

"Late?" I questioned, glancing at my wrist watch. "It's almost 3:30. I don't see that as late, Heidi."

"Uncle Carlisle said you'd be here at 2."

"You're going to have stop believing everything that dick says." I muttered as I scanned the room. It had only been five months since I last set foot in this house but it felt more like 5 years. So much has happened in the last five months that I almost expected to come back and find everything different. My eyes darted back to Heidi as I felt her still staring at me, a frown etched into her features, most likely at my use of a derogatory name for Carlisle. She was a very pretty girl, a year younger than I and a cyclone of energy_. _Without another word, she linked her arm with mine and dragged me outside, calling Emmett to follow.

She led us to the back of their yard where the infamous iron bench sat. This bench was where we would exchange secrets to each other as kids. It was surrounded by an array of flowers and bushes that gave it the feel of a 'secret garden'. I mentally smiled at the simplicity and innocence of our minds as kids.

"Tell me _everything_! I want to know all the details." She threw herself down on the bench as Emmett took the space beside her. I stood in front of them and pulled out a cigarette, offering one to Heidi.

"You know I don't smoke." She scowled.

I shrugged, "You're 16, thought you might have hit that rebellious stage by now." I said in all seriousness before lighting my one for myself.

"You're still a chimney I see. You're killing yourself slowly." She frowned at me.

I rolled my eyes but said nothing.

"Hand one over." Emmett said nodding to my cigarette. I cocked an eyebrow but didn't question him as I tossed him my packet and lighter. I watched as he lit one up and drew in a smoke, smiling at us as he blew out.

"Anywaaays…" Heidi dragged, "Tell me."

"Tell you what?" Emmett asked.

"About life in Forks."

"It's good. Very quiet and the people are chill." Emmett explained slouching against the bench as he smoked. "I have a girlfriend who is as hot as Mexico." He said with a grin as he pulled out his phone, no doubt to show her a picture of Rosalie. She took the phone from him and grinned.

"She is really pretty."

"No shit."

"So is that girl… who is she, the brunette?" She asked showing Emmett the picture.

"Oh, that…" he glanced up at me with a smirk, "Is this dick's girlfriend." I rolled my eyes knowing exactly the kind of reaction that was going to follow from Heidi. Her jaw fell open as her eyes snapped to mine in shock.

"No!" she said with a shake of her head as if the shit was impossible.

"Yes." Emmett grinned. "She is a great chick too. You'll like her if you met her." He added.

"How did this happen?" I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me at that question. "What happened to your harem?" She continued.

"That was here. It wasn't like that in Forks." It was a measly explanation but I really had no valid reason for why I never pursued 'no strings attached sex' in Forks. I guess none of the girls really tickled my fancy. Lauren was the closet thing I got to sex in Forks before Bella.

"So tell me about her. How did you snag her up? Did you pay her?" Heidi laughed which was followed by Emmett's raucous laughter. I glared at the both of them as I flicked the butt of my cigarette to the floor. Heidi quickly stood and picked it up.

"We have ash trays." She said poking me in the chest again before tossing it into the ash tray that was sitting on the outdoor table a few feet away.

"Hey, stop with the fucking poking." I snapped rubbing the sore spot again.

"Edward, Emmett." I turned at the sound of my name, recognizing the smooth voice immediately.

"Caius." I said nodding slightly as I turned and made way over to him. He pulled me into a one armed hug and patted me on the back.

"Good to see you boy." He said pulling back. "And it's _Uncle_ Caius to you." He said smirking at me before pulling Emmett into a hug also.

"I thought it makes you feel old." I smiled.

"That was ten years ago… I have girls to help balance that out now." He said to me as he pulled back from Emmett's hug. After exchanging a few brief words with each other, Emmett followed Heidi inside leaving me outside with Caius.

He pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips before offering one to me. The side of my mouth quirked up into a smile but I shook my head as I had just had one.

Caius was the laid back uncle that every guy desired to have as a father. Nothing fazed him, he took each day as it came and believed in the philosophy, 'live each day to its fullest.' But of course this meant he was still single, owned a motorbike and lived in a million dollar bachelor pad. Marriage was never in the cards for him and I doubt it ever will be. Although he looked just like Carlisle with his white blonde hair, pale skin and crystal blue eyes, their personalities couldn't have been further apart.

"Been keeping yourself out of trouble?" He asked as he took a drag.

"Pretty much, I kinda have no other choice right?" I chuckled dryly.

"Still on the heavy stuff?" He asked casually, glancing at me briefly. Caius knew all about my drug use but it wasn't a bother to him like it was to Carlisle which just amplified his knack for irresponsibility.

"No but I've still got some with me. I just haven't really felt the need for it."

"That's good." We were silent for a bit before he spoke again. "You're looking good too." I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Everyone keeps fucking saying that to me." I said a little irritably.

"It's nothing to get irritable about, it's merely a compliment. Learn to accept them."

"I'm not used to it."

"Well then get used to it."

I glanced over at him and shook my head but said nothing.

"You seem a little more… what's the word… brighter?" He added stubbing his cigarette out in the ash tray.

"What's this? Let's fucking observe Edward Cullen day or some shit?" I asked shaking my head.

"You just look refreshed."

"I feel like shit."

He sighed in annoyance but didn't say anything so I felt the need to explain.

"I didn't sleep that well last night. I fucking tossed and turned till the sun came up stressed about this trip and having to face all this shit again. I had to smoke a joint before driving here to help me relax a little. It's already fucking wearing off so excuse me if I'm not in the mood for _compliments_."

"Have you considered sleep meds?"

"No, I haven't had the nightmares in a while. Last night was just a one time thing… at least I hope that's all it was." I suffered recurring nightmares for about a year after the accident - the same fucking dream every single night, torturing me with the images and screams of my best friend. They eventually died down on their own and when I moved to Forks they went away completely.

"Well, if you need any I'm sure I can get some for you off your father. I'll tell him they're for me."

"Thanks, but I'm alright." I mumbled.

His phone started ringing then. He took a quick glance at the screen, excusing himself before answering it and taking a few steps away from me to talk privately. I took that time to glance over at him. He still looked the same, still attractive and fit, age not affecting him just like Carlisle. He was wearing black slacks and a brown button up with the sleeves rolled up, his muscular forearms clearly visible. My eyes caught a tattoo that sat on the inside of his left forearm that hadn't been there five months ago. He had a few tattoos, on his arm, back and chest but this one was new. I waited till he hung up and returned to stand beside me to ask him about it.

"When did you get this?" I asked nodding toward his tattoo, it looked like the head of an elk… ready to charge with an aggressive stare in its eyes.

He kept his eyes on me, "About 6 weeks ago."

"An elk?"

"Elks represent freedom, power and strength.

"Oh, and that's how you see yourself?" I smirked at him.

"You could say that, yeah." He chuckled quietly.

We sat outside and continued to talk and catch up. He told me all about his work as a lawyer and the new case he was working on. He had just broken up with a girl that he had been dating for 4 months. She wanted to settle down but he wasn't ready for it so he broke it off. It was quite amazing how much of myself I saw in him.

An hour later we headed inside as the cold wind picked up. Aunt Liz and Heidi were bustling around the kitchen putting the final touches on dinner while Emmett lazed on the couch and watched TV. I walked over to him and collapsed down beside him.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked.

"Upstairs, he took a phone call about 20 minutes ago." He answered, never taking his eyes off the TV.

"What would you boys like to drink?" Caius asked walking out of the kitchen with a glass of scotch in his hand.

"Beer for me." Emmett replied.

"You know what I like." I answered, my mouth quirking up into a smile at the sides. He nodded with a quiet chuckle as he turned and made his way out of the room.

A moment later he walked back in with an uncapped bottle of beer and glass of coke. I took the glass off him, sniffed it and nodded in thank you.

Caius took the arm chair in the corner of the room with his glass of scotch just as Carlisle walked into the room. He smiled slightly at me before taking the other couch that sat opposite Caius and adjacent to Emmett and I. We still weren't really talking to each other, mainly because I refused to talk to him.

A few minutes later Aunt Liz's husband Alec entered the room. I stood and shook his hand in greeting. He was probably one of the most laid back guys I had ever come to know.

He sat beside Carlisle and they talked quietly, Caius joining in every now and then. I was getting bored out of my brain and just impatient to leave and head back home to Forks.

Funny how I was starting to call Forks, _home_.

Half an hour later we were seated at the table, served with a wide array of Thanksgiving food. Everyone dug in including me even though I wasn't all that hungry but Liz's food was food that was just impossible to pass up.

Casual conversation flowed throughout dinner. Heidi and Emmett talked non-stop beside me which started to become annoying after a while. I wiped my mouth clean and slouched back in my chair once I had finished which left me with nothing to do but observe everyone around me. The adults were talking amongst themselves but I noticed that I had yet to see Carlisle and Caius say a direct word to each other.

"So Uncle C, any new chicks you could tell us about?" Emmett grinned as he took a sip of his beer. Caius smirked at Emmett before getting into an explanation of the girl he had dated for 4 months.

"You've never been one to settle down." Alec mentioned.

"That lifestyle… marriage and all," he said waving his hand around casually, "just isn't for me." He shrugged.

"Didn't you once date a chick that had a boyfriend for about 3 months?" I asked remembering from memory. "He never found-"

"Edward." Alec cut me off, his voice irritated. I stopped abruptly, my hand gripping my fork mid air. The tension that suddenly emerged among the table was palpable. Aunt Liz was picking at the food on her plate avoiding eye contact with anyone. Carlisle's jaw was clenched so tight I thought his teeth were going to soon shatter. I furrowed my brows as Caius cleared his throat smiling tightly at the table before downing his scotch. I glanced over at Emmett and Heidi but they both looked just as confused as I felt.

"Would someone like to explain what the fuck just happened?" I asked lowering my fork back down to my plate with a _'clank'_ and starting to get irritated with the sudden change in atmosphere.

"Just eat, Edward." Carlisle replied shortly. I narrowed my eyes at him but said nothing. I wasn't about to start an argument over this now.

"How bout we go around the table and say what we're thankful for." Liz suggested, a forced smile on her face, clearly trying to change the melancholy mood that had overtaken us.

"I'll go first," Alec smiled. "I'm thankful for the two most beautiful girls in my life." He said smiling warmly at Liz and Heidi. He then leaned over and kissed Liz softly. I had to refrain from rolling my eyes.

"I'm thankful for you princess," Liz said smiling at Heidi, "… and you Alec. I love you." I adjusted myself in my seat getting uncomfortable with the gooey love going on.

"My bike, my pad, my nephews and of course… my brother." Caius said not really looking at anyone. I furrowed my brows but turned my attention to Carlisle who was next.

"I have a lot to be thankful for, Edward and Emmett." He nodded at us with a warm smile before he continued. "Liz, without you I wouldn't know what I'd do, you've been a rock for me." He said clearing his throat, "… and to good health." He finished.

"I'm thankful for everyone seated at this table, mum and dad you two especially." Heidi said grinning, "and of course these two geezers here." She giggled nudging Emmett with her shoulder. Emmett threw his arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze into his side.

"Yeah, I'm thankful for dad, my little bro, my little cuz," Heidi giggled, "and of course my girlfriend Rosie." Emmett smiled widely.

"Edward." Liz encouraged. I glanced over at her and then at every other pair of eyes on the table that were focused on me.

"What am I thankful for…?" I had to think about it, "Life hasn't really given me much to be thankful for lately," I sighed as I scrubbed a hand through my hair, "but I guess my bear brother, Bella, of course, my car and nicotine because without that shit who knows what the fuck would have happened to me. Oh and hand jobs, since that's all I seem to be getting lately." I smiled slyly. That earned a glare from Carlisle to which I easily ignored, a disappointed look from Liz and an amused expression from Caius. Emmett was snickering beside me.

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle and then just to rub into Carlisle a little more, I held out my hand to Emmett and then to Caius for a high five. Caius shook his head but smiled as he leaned over the table and high fived me.

"What are we going do with you boy?" Caius chuckled.

I burst into laughter unable to hold myself back. Carlisle stood, grabbed his plate and walked off into the kitchen, clearly not pleased at my lack of table manners. Liz shook her head at me in disappointment as she stood and began clearing the table quietly. Everyone seemed to follow after, each rising to carry their plates to the kitchen. I decided it would be rude not to so I grabbed my plate, stood up and headed to the kitchen.

"Where do you want to go now?" Heidi asked pulling me aside in the kitchen. I took a quick glance at my watch to see it was almost 6.30.

"Err, I think I'm just going to drive home."

"What?" Heidi asked in shock. "You're going home? I haven't seen you in five months, you can't just come for a few hours and then leave." She pouted.

"I'm staying." Emmett said grabbing a glass of water.

"Edward, sweetie." Liz said drying her wet hands on a tea towel as she approached me. "I would love it if you stayed one more day. Please, we've all missed you and Emmett so much. It's Thanksgiving." She spoke softly, her arm wrapping around my shoulder. I stared back into her green eyes, my heart beating furiously at the possible consequences of staying one more night. But her familiar eyes boring into mine, pleading with me made my resolve crumble. I nodded knowing I'd do it for her. I'd do anything for her. She threw me into a hug followed by Heidi.

We spent the next few hours sitting in the lounge, Emmett, Heidi and I, just talking about our lives in the past five months. Aunt Liz served us dessert which we all ate as we lounged in front of the TV. It didn't escape me that Caius and Carlisle were still almost trying to avoid each other. I noticed they spoke to each other when they had to but that was about it and it was always brief. Alec was doing most of the talking between the three. Things had always been tense between them two. They've never really gotten along - the epitome of _responsible_ trying to get along with the epitome of _irresponsible_. It's just how I've always pretty much known them. Three years ago, shit got a little worse and I'd always wondered why that was.

At 7:30 Emmett and I decided to head home. We said our goodbyes to everyone, promising Heidi to meet up tomorrow to hang out before we headed out to our cars.

"You boys going straight home?" Carlisle asked us once we were near our cars outside. We both nodded. "You got the house keys on you?"

"I do." Emmett nodded again, patting the back pocket of his pants.

"Alright, well, I'm just going to head out for a bit. I'm not sure what time I'll be home." He explained smiling curtly.

"Where are you going?" I asked narrowing my eyes at him. It was the first thing I've said to him in over a week. I hated bullshit artists and if he had a fucking girlfriend I wanted him to stop being a fucking chicken shit and just straight out say it. His eyes darted to mine in surprise, I'd never once questioned him on where he was going because I'd never really given a shit. But now that I suspected it was to go 'bang a whore' I wanted to know.

"Just meeting up with some friends. Its not often we get to see them nowadays, you know?" he smiled, playing it off casually. I wasn't stupid, I knew he was lying.

"Ok, well you go have fun, Edward and I will be fine." Emmett cut in, glaring at me to drop it.

"Alright, well, see you at home." He nodded toward us in farewell before heading over to his Mercedes and sliding in behind the wheel.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Emmett glared at me with a slap to my arm.

"Fuck off." I growled, shoving him back. "He's banging some chick and he won't admit it because he probably feels the guilt." I said angrily as we watched his car reverse out of the driveway and his headlights disappear down the street.

"You're probably the reason he won't admit it. Get over it Edward. He's isn't going to stay single forever." My heart was beating furiously as my eyes narrowed at him, my blood boiling as my anger threatened to take a hold of me.

"You shut the fuck up!" I growled, shoving him back roughly again. "He doesn't fucking deserve happiness after the fucked up way he treated her for three years. He doesn't and he never fucking will in my eyes." I seethed. Emmett's eyes softened but he said nothing. He'd always been a little softer when it came to forgiveness. That was just how he was. I, on the other hand had the tendency to hold grudges and Carlisle was not getting my forgiveness any time soon. Taking Emmett's silence as an agreement I spun on my heel and headed over to my car.

I followed behind him again as we drove back to our Seattle home, fighting the urge to overtake him considering the fucker never went over the speed limit. He completely surprised me when we got to the last traffic light before our street but made a right instead of a left turn, taking the detour that he knew _I always_ took. I know he never takes the detour when he's alone and it was just for my sake that he did tonight, which I appreciated immensely. The fucker could be real thoughtful sometimes. I hadn't taken the obvious short cut since the night of the accident knowing that one drive down the horrific memory filled end of our street would be enough to trigger back the nightmares and anxiety.

It hit me that I had yet to speak to Bella today and that I hadn't heard from her at all. Then I realized that I hadn't even checked my phone. Once we were at home, I found my phone to see one text from her that, by the time indicated, she had sent it early that afternoon. I sent her a text and asked to call her.

It was so good to hear her voice, it always had that calming affect over me and for that hour that we spoke I forgot about the bullshit from my day. It was weird realizing the love I had for her now and how desperate I was to see her again. It wasn't an emotion I was familiar with and I therefore needed time to adjust to the intensity of it.

It wasn't till after I hung up that I took the time to observe what was once my room. Well, technically it still was my room but I just didn't live here anymore. It was still furnished with my bed, desk and TV, shit that Carlisle decided wasn't worth taking to Forks. Everything else was pretty much empty, my desk sat with only a few meager items on it, like some pens, papers and a lamp. My closet was practically empty and my music and book collection was pretty much all gone except for a select few that I didn't find worth taking to Forks with me. The room was lacking something… me. I saw the 'old' me in it but it was still lacking due to the sparse personal items that now sat in my bedroom back in Forks. It wasn't something I wanted to dwell on because truly, I didn't even know the real _me _anymore.

I woke up with a start during the night, covered in sweat and tears, my chest clenching tight in agony. I growled out a '_fuck'_ as I brought up my knees and leaned my elbows on them, burying my face into my hands, trying to fight off the remnants of my dream that were still lingering in my brain. _The same fucking dream_. I was crying. _Fucking crying _as the guilt I'd been trying to fight off for the past year came crashing back down on me full force. I scrambled out of my bed, wiping away tears with the back of my hand as I exited my room. I padded down the hall, down the stairs to the second floor and straight for Carlisle's office. Placing a shaky hand over the cold metal door knob, I turned it and thrust the door open. Fumbling along the wall for the light switch, I found it and switched it on, closing the door behind me with a soft '_click_'. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the fuck down as I stepped toward his liquor cabinet. Pulling it open, my eyes scanned its contents till they landed on a bottle of Grey Goose. Snatching the bottle out, I uncapped it and took three long swigs, grunting as the liquid warmed my throat on its way down. Shutting the cabinet, I exited the office with the Grey Goose clutched tightly against my chest, switched the light off and scuffled back to my room.

This was a common occurrence before Forks, waking up from the same nightmares night after night and drowning them away with vodka. I was pretty positive that being back in the familiar surroundings, memories shooting at me left, right and centre, that the nightmares were going to be inevitable.

I wasn't sure how much Vodka I downed that night, because when I woke up with a throbbing headache the following morning, the last thing I could remember was walking out of Carlisle's office with the Grey Goose. Everything after that was fuzzy.

By the time I made it out of bed, Carlisle was already out of the house and when I questioned Emmett about it, he said he was already gone when he had woken up at 9am. That made it very possible that he probably hadn't even come home during the night.

"You look like shit, bro." Emmett frowned as his eyes darted all over my face.

"I know." I replied shortly, my lack of sleep and hang over putting me in the foulest mood. He knew not to speak to me after that.

Heidi came over around midday and brought along her boyfriend Jared for us to meet. He was a cool guy from what I gathered, seventeen like me, dark hair and grey eyes. Emmett and I played the protective big brothers when she introduced us as we probed him to see if he was worthy enough. As soon as he mentioned something about _Halo_, I lost Emmett. The next thirty minutes were spent between the two of them discussing the different levels and cheats of the game.

By late afternoon I was dying of boredom and lack of sleep. Not to mention a little tipsy too. I had been sneaking in swigs of Vodka throughout the day to keep the guilt and images of my nightmare away, it wasn't anywhere near enough but I was taking whatever I could get.

I had sent two texts and called Bella once and I had yet to hear from her. She was starting to worry me because it was unlike her not to reply but I tried to ignore that shit because I was probably just over reacting.

"Why don't we go to Dino's?" Heidi suggested.

"I'll do it, I'm fucking starved." Emmett said his eyes lighting up with excitement. "Haven't had me one of those hot dogs in fucking ages." He said, placing his hand over his stomach and rubbing slow circles.

I was so fucking out of it by that point - lost in a stupor of alcohol, that I hadn't heard the door knock. All I know was that when I looked away from the TV, Vicki and Gianna were standing a few feet away from me, hugging Heidi in greeting.

"What the fuck…" I muttered feeling completely befuddled. Heidi heard me as she pulled away from Gianna, her eyes looking at me apologetically.

"Remember how I sent you that text regarding Vicki the other night…" she murmured, trailing off and leaving it up to me to put the pieces together. I groaned, burying my face into my hands just as Emmett engulfed both girls into a group hug.

"Fucking bull shit." I grumbled as I stood up to greet both girls.

Vicki and Gianna were my two fuck buddies that I had relied on whenever I needed a release. Emmett called them 'The Cullen Duo'. Nothing was taboo with these two. I watched them each talking to Emmett and was once again reminded that I'd only been gone five months because they looked exactly the same. Vicki was tall, just a little shorter than me, slim with long wavy red hair. She was practically flawless and knew it and never had any problem with showing off her long legs. They were her best assets. Beside her stood Gianna, who was a little more timid than Vicki but appearances were deceiving because that girl was always up for anything I offered when it came to sex. Gianna and I had more of a friendship than Vicki and I did. Vicki was outgoing and could never take no for an answer, fucking high maintenance as shit. She really was good for nothing but sex but Gianna had a personality that was warm and gentle.

"Edward." I was snapped out of it and my attention was drawn to Vicki who was suddenly standing in front of me, a mischievous smile plastered on her face. She leaned in to kiss me on the lips, which I quickly tried to dodge but I wasn't fast enough to turn my head so she managed to nip the side of my lips.

"Hey Vicki." I said not even bothering with a smile as I averted my eyes to Gianna who was standing just beside Vicki. She came forward then and hugged me tightly before kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"It's so good to see you." She said pulling back and smiling widely at me.

"Yeah, you too." I said pushing my hair off my forehead. "So, what the fuck are you two doing here anyways?" I asked sitting back down in my chair. Vicki seemed to think we were still… whatever the fuck it is we were, and sat herself down in my lap. Gianna took the seat beside Emmett.

"Vicki could you sit over there?" I asked gripping her by the hips and pulling her off my lap, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.

"Why?" she asked sounding offended as she tried to fight my attempts and nestled herself more comfortably in my lap.

"Because I just don't want you in my lap." I snapped. She huffed but got up and went to sit down on the other couch on the other side of Emmett looking pissed as fuck. Emmett threw his arm around her and pulled her to his side. He was friendly with her but it never went further than that between them. I got up and went outside for a smoke wanting to be alone for a bit and not in the mood to deal with those two right now. I lit one up and leaned against the patio railing realizing I had to tell Vicki and Gianna that I had a girlfriend because I knew that they were probably here expecting us to pick up where we left off.

To my annoyance Vicki followed me out a few moments later and pulled out a cigarette from her own pack. She stood in front of me and lit it up, her eyes never leaving mine. She was wearing the tightest jeans known to man with a yellow sweater that clung to the curves of her breasts tightly. She was casual but I had to admit she pulled it off with sex appeal effortlessly.

"You ok?" she asked after a while of silence.

"Nope." I answered, not even bothering to elaborate.

"You're looking much better than when you left here."

"If only I got a dollar for every time someone has said that to me since yesterday." I muttered shoving my free hand into the pocket of my leather jacket.

"How's life in… Forks, is it?" she asked unsure of whether she got the name of the town right.

"Yeah Forks. Good. Boring as fuck but all good." I said eyeing her as I took a long draw of the cigarette.

"How long are you staying?"

"I was supposed to be out of here last night but here I am." I gestured with my hand to our surroundings. "I'm leaving tonight."

"Why the hurry?" She frowned exhaling her smoke slowly.

I shook my head at her, refusing to answer that question and by her expression I knew she understood. Vicki knew the gist of my problems but not everything. That's what I had loved about our arrangement, it was purely sex with someone who didn't know just how fucked up my life had become. She knows I have issues and knows about the incident obviously but exactly what I used to suffer when I was alone, she knew nothing of that and that's how I always wanted it to stay.

She stubbed out her half smoked cigarette in the ash try then walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, burying her face into the nook of my neck. I rolled my eyes but kept my hands by my sides, it wouldn't surprise her, its how I'd always been, distant only till things got sexual. She pulled back after a minute or so, her face just inches from mine, boring her blue eyes into mine.

"Don't get any fucking ideas." I warned making sure my voice held every bit of seriousness and warning I could muster. I could tell by the look in her eyes exactly what she was after and had it not been for Bella I wouldn't have hesitated a second to take her up on the offer. But now that I had Bella, I didn't need all that shit. Yes, Bella and I haven't had sex yet but with that said, the only person I'm interested in fucking now is Bella. Now, that may sound harsh because I probably shouldn't say 'fucking' but should say 'make love' but I'd be out right lying if I didn't admit that I wanted nothing more than to pound into that tight pussy of hers.

"You know I can make you feel better." She whispered into my ear and snapping me back to the present.

"Vicki." I said harshly. I grabbed her by the arms and tried to push her back away from me. She took a step back with a huff and crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes slicing into mine in anger. I'd never rejected her advances before so I knew this was a major rejection for her.

"We've got some blow…" she tilted her head back toward the house behind her, indicating 'we' by her and Gianna, "… thought we might make up for lost time." She persuaded, her eyes raking over me hungrily. Vicki and Gianna were big on coke during sex. Well so was I, snorting it off their bodies and all that shit, it took sex to whole new fucked up level. And at the moment, the offer was so fucking tempting because I knew the one thing that was going to numb me right now was some coke.

"I have a girlfriend now so don't expect to be getting into my pants, Vicki." I said more sternly this time walking over to the ash try and putting my cigarette butt out. I walked back over to where I was standing to lean back against the railing and shoved both my hands into the pockets of my jacket. I locked my eyes with her, trying to express just how serious I was.

"A girlfriend?" she scoffed. "Like I could believe that!"

"I don't really give a fuck what you fucking believe. I'm telling you I have a girlfriend so don't be expecting me to fuck you." I said glaring at her now.

She said nothing. She just stood there and stared at me in disbelief for a moment, trying to digest everything I had just said to her. Then, without another word she turned on her heel and scurried off inside. I let out a huge sigh and threw my head back in frustration. Why were girls so fucking difficult?

I really should have left last night.

An hour later we were at Dino's with Emmett, Heidi, her boyfriend Jared and Gianna. Vicki had gone home obviously unable to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be fucking her. Gianna was more understanding. I mean, we were never bound into a relationship, they've always known it was and would always be nothing more than sex.

Dino's was like a massive kiosk where people stood to order their food and then eat by their cars. It was a popular hang out mostly on Friday and Saturday nights and mainly used as a place to pick up.

I leaned against Emmett's Jeep in the parking lot of Dino's while Emmett stood in line with Jared and tried to convince the poor guy which hot dog special was best. Heidi and Gianna were chatting away beside me about some movie that was coming out next week and planning to go see it together.

I rounded the car, away from their prying ears and decided to make a call to the one guy who would give me exactly what I wanted - or more like what I _needed_.

"Hello?"

"D? It's me."

"Hey bro, fuck… it's been a while." He said sounding surprised by my call.

"Yeah it has… look ah, I'm in town." I said not needing to say the exact words to him but knowing he'd understand right off the bat.

"Ok… tonight?"

"What time can you do?"

"I can do in about ten minutes. Usual place?"

"Great, I'll meet you down there."

"Alright I'll see you then."

We hung up and I made my way over to Emmett to tell him I was heading off.

"Where are you going?" he asked still standing in line waiting to make his order.

"D." I said glancing around at all the people. The place was starting to get crowded.

He studied me for a second before nodding reluctantly, "Ok, be careful. We'll be here."

"Alright, thanks."

I climbed into my car mumbling to Heidi and Gianna that I'd be right back. Demetri was only five minutes away so before I knew it, I was parking the car right outside his house. I stepped out of the car and made my way up the two steps of his small porch and knocked once on his front door. The door creaked open to reveal Demetri in his typical attire of ripped jeans, boots and worn puffy jacket, his brown hair brushed back in its usual fashion.

"Hey." I nodded as I stepped in. He led me down the hall, past a lounge full of three guys slouched in front of the TV and to the doorway of a room that when I peeked in, held nothing but an old tattered couch, TV and a few ottomans. I stood outside the room while he went inside and gathered just what I needed. He walked back out with a package wrapped in the familiar brown paper I'd come to know so well over the last 3 years.

"Same?" I asked, referring to what he had just supplied me with.

"Same. This stuff should be just as strong as the previous set I gave you. I've thrown in a little more snow for you this time." He said nodding to the package.

"Perfect, alright." I said holding out to him a roll of cash which he hesitated to take.

"You don't have to pay me now." He said shaking his head.

"I'm not really sure when I'll fucking be back so… here." I said pushing the cash against his chest. He smiled at me and then took the money.

"Thanks. Stay out of trouble." He smirked as I shoved the small package against my chest and zipped up my jacket to hide it. I smirked at him.

"Always."

I was back at the Diner within fifteen minutes as if nothing had happened. Emmett was by his Jeep barfing down a hot dog as was Jared. Right next to them stood Heidi and Gianna who were nibbling on some fries together.

I tried calling Bella for the second time that day but once again there was no answer. So I sent her another text, pretty much just pissed at her for still not replying. She better have a fucking good reason.

"I got you a dog." Emmett said licking some excess tomato sauce from his lips as he nodded to a hot dog nestled between a long roll sitting in a cardboard container on the hood of his Jeep. I smiled slightly in thank you and grabbed it, taking a huge bite into it before washing it down with some soda.

I was lighting a cigarette after just finishing my meal when I heard Emmett mutter a 'holy fuck' from beside me. Furrowing my brows, I followed the direction of his gaze, my eyes widening slightly when I spotted her. I felt my heart rate accelerate dramatically; suddenly beating so furiously in my chest I could hear it in my ears. Everything around me faded into a blur of grey as the only thing that remained clearly visible to me was the long dark hair and small frame of a girl, a few feet away in front of me. She stumbled against a tall guy who quickly grasped her by the upper arms to steady her.

I vaguely felt a light slap on my arm but it did nothing to deter my attention away from Charlotte. I watched in rapt attention as – the guy who I assumed was her boyfriend - grabbed her hand, lifted it above her head and twirled her around. That's when I got a glimpse of her face, my heart plummeting to the pit of my stomach at the sight of her sunken features and the dark circles framing her eyes. No where in front of me did I see the normally radiant girl who was always glowing and smiling.

I shouldn't have been surprised, really. I hadn't seen her in almost a year so I had been hoping that in the past year she would have gotten back on track. I had known the chances of that were slim considering I was not much better now than I was a year ago but I had to hope, even it was just a little… I couldn't give up. What terrified me the most was by the looks of things shit had just gotten worse for her.

I could barely make out the voices around me as my name was repeatedly being called and I think I was even being shaken, trying to be snapped out of my stupor. That's when it happened… on the second twirl her eyes passed over me before she stumbled again and her eyes snapped back to mine instantly, her face reflecting the same shock I was feeling by seeing her as well.

"Edward?" I heard my name louder this time as I got shaken again. Without thinking I turned and roughly shoved Emmett back against his Jeep.

"Fuck off." I snapped, my chest heaving with my uneven breaths. I felt someone's arm grab me to hold me back but I aggressively shoved them off. "No one fucking touch me." I seethed at Emmett and Jared. "J-just… just fucking leave me alone." I stammered. My brain was trying to process everything around me at once.

My eyes darted back to Charlotte who was still staring at me but when she caught me looking back at her, she quickly snapped her eyes away and down to her feet.

"D'you know she was going to be here?" I asked Heidi with a shaky voice, keeping my eyes on Charlotte.

"I swear I didn't. I mean… We normally come here together… but I didn't… no." Heidi stumbled with her words as she tried to answer me.

I scrubbed my hands through my hair a few times, feeling the need to speak to Charlotte but unsure on whether I was capable of doing such a task. Without another thought about the possible consequences or what I could possibly be digging up for myself I hesitantly made my way over to her, my steps slowing with each step I took. The closer I got to her, the faster my heart was thrashing and my hands shaking. I desperately tried to block out all my thoughts as my eyes fixated on her. I was so lost in my own little world that I didn't see her 'supposed boyfriend' who was standing beside her, quickly hold out his hand against my chest till I roughly ran into it. My eyes snapped up to his in fury, ready to throw him one but I tried with everything I had to fight that shit down because now was not the time and place to lose my cool.

"Where do you think you're going man?" The douche said in a threatening voice, stepping in front of charlotte to supposedly shield her from me. Had he known our past, I wouldn't have blamed him.

"Eli, its ok." Her voice came from behind him.

"What?" He asked, keeping his narrowed eyes fixed on me. I was so close I could smell the alcohol from his breath so I knew he wasn't sober, I needed to keep that in mind to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Just step away, he's harmless." Charlotte pleaded in a soft voice. I scoffed at her statement. Harmless my ass. She was playing me down. I saw her small hand grip his arm from behind trying to pull him back toward her and away from me. She eventually stepped out from behind him, my eyes darting to hers immediately. She looked everywhere but straight at me. "Give us a moment?" She asked looking so fragile and broken as she glanced up at the douche that had yet to take his eyes off of me.

"No. Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked turning his icy stare to Charlotte.

"I know him." She said looking up at him with pleading eyes. It was then I noticed her eyes were glassed over, unfocused, she was either high or just drunk like him. That explained the stumbling from before.

"I'm watching." He said poking me in the chest. I slapped his hand away.

"Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me." I growled, shoving my face in his and staring daggers right at him.

Charlotte began to walk off then, so I forced myself away from Eli and followed behind her, fighting down my anxiety with every step I took behind her. She didn't walk too far away, just to the quieter end of the lot and away from the main lights and crowd.

She stopped and turned to face me, her eyes once again everywhere but at me. We stood in silence, both of us unsure of what to say now that we were face to face. I raked my fingers through my hair a few times, my jaw set as I tried to take a hold of my emotions before they got the better of me.

"How have you been?" I asked stupidly, only because I wasn't sure what else the fuck to say. It was almost a year ago I saw her, a mutual decision from the both of us to cease all communication between the two of us. Her presence to me was too painful just like my presence was to her. She still hung out with Heidi a lot, after all, they've been best friends since they were both 13.

Her eyes finally met mine, her normally vibrant grey eyes were dull, lidded and glazed over. "Ok." She murmured with a humorless chuckle. "I have my days."

"Are you high?" I asked afraid to hear the answer.

"No," she shook her head, "I've had a bit to drink but I'm fine. I'm not…" she took a deep breath before she continued as if trying to gain the confidence to say what she wanted to next, "I'm not on that shit anymore." She said shaking her head, her brows furrowed as she licked her lips lazily. "I started therapy a month ago so…" she trailed off with a shrug of a shoulder.

I wanted to hug her, to tell her everything would be ok but I didn't think she'd appreciate it… not to mention her boyfriend who I could feel was burning a hole into the back of my head. And the truth of the matter was, I could never be certain that things would ever be ok… because as shit stood now, we had a hell of a long way to go before things could look up.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her, my heart breaking more with every second I observed her. My guilt washing over me like a tidal wave and overwhelming every fucking inch of me but I fought that shit back as hard as I could. Now was not the time to lose it.

"You?" she asked, glancing up at me slowly, her eyes struggling to focus on mine.

"Huh?" I asked.

"How… how are you doing? Are you still on… you know…" She shook her head again and I could see just how painful this was for her.

"I have my days as well. I still can't talk about it, hear about it, think about it…" I trailed off and ran a shaky hand through my hair, gripping the ends and pulling hard, trying to create pain that would overshadow the gnawing ache in my chest.

"I visit him twice a month." She whispered, looking down at the ground.

I nodded, unsure of how I felt about that or even what to say to that. I was surprised she was able to hold herself together enough to go visit him. I've considered it briefly on a few occasions but have never been man enough to do it. I guess the guilt I held was too much to bear.

"I'm sorry." I said through gritted teeth, looking up at her and feeling every bit responsible for why she was the way she was right now.

"It takes two to tango Edward." She said, her tone taking on an edge I didn't think she possessed. "I was just as responsible for that night as you were. You didn't _pressure_ me. You didn't _drug_ me. I _willingly_ gave myself to you so _I'm_ responsible for this just as much as you are." She choked out the last bit, her bottom lip trembling as a lonesome tear trickled down her face. I was close to a fucking breakdown, everything I had wished and hoped for in the last year came crashing down and shattering right before my eyes. Who the fuck was I kidding to think she would have moved on?

"Charlotte, I…I…" I wasn't sure what I wanted to say but before I could form any words she took off. I watched her walk off and disappear behind me, sprinting toward her boyfriend no doubt. I continued to stare at the empty ground she just occupied, letting my emotions consume me, my chest feeling like it was about to cave in from the pressure of my guilt. I growled in frustration before stalking back toward my car.

I could hear Emmett and Heidi trying to get my attention as I shoved past them without a glance in their direction. I pulled my car door open, collapsed myself into the driver's seat and slammed my door shut ignoring their attempts to attract my attention. Turning the ignition, I reversed out of my space and sped off. I kept driving till I reached the parking lot of a deserted warehouse I knew. Pulling into the back of the empty lot, I put the car into park, switched off the ignition and leaned my forehead against the steering wheel, succumbing to the rush of emotions as they consumed me. Grabbing my hair by the roots I tugged at it roughly, and growled into the confined space of my car and fought back the tears that were threatening to emerge. Desperately needing something to numb the aching pain I reached under my seat and ripped open the brown paper package. Grabbing the baggie of white powder, I rewrapped the bag of marijuana back into the brown paper and shoved it back under my seat. I stared at the baggie of cocaine in my lap, considering whether I really wanted to do this. Charlotte's broken and distressed face flashed into my mind sending a sharp pang into my chest. Without another thought, my body switching to autopilot, I pulled open the glove box and snatched the 7x6 inch mirror I had sitting in there. Placing it on the console between the two front seats, I reached into my back pocket, lifting my ass off the seat to make it possible and pulled out my wallet. With shaky and frantic hands I pulled out my Amex and a hundred dollar bill. Tossing my wallet onto the passenger seat, I carefully opened the baggie and shook some powder onto the mirror till I was satisfied it would make three decent lines. I zipped the baggie back up and shoved it back under my seat, carelessly wrapping into the now mangled brown paper.

Turning my attention back to the white powered mirror, I grabbed my Amex and started cutting the powder to form three four inch long lines. My shaking hands were making the task a fucking challenge forcing me to stop a few times in order to take some calming breaths before I was able complete the task successfully. I grabbed the hundred dollar bill that was resting in my lap and rolled it up. With my free hand, I held one nostril closed with my finger and clenched my teeth shut to keep from blowing on the line, something that amateurs always did. I raised the rolled bill to my open nostril, and lowered it, still attached to my nostril to the end of one line. I sucked in as I chased the line with the bill and pulled back quickly, inhaling sharply a few times.

I returned and followed up on the last two lines right after the other. Throwing my head back one last time, I continued to inhale sharply a couple of times. I reached for an old bottle of water sitting in the back seat, uncapped it and poured a little water into the cap of the bottle. With the same nostril I had just snorted I inhaled a few drops of water which I was taught ensured better absorption. I recapped the bottle, tossed into the back of the car and laid my head back against the head rest, shutting my eyes and surrendering to the drug as it consumed me and reveled in the sensations as my body numbed… I felt like I was on top of the world.

By the time I got home it was midnight. My senses were on full alert, I could hear every little noise, see strangely clear in the darkness of the night and could feel everything around me. Stepping out of my car, I was well aware of Carlisle's Mercedes sitting in the driveway. I glanced up at the house to see all the lights were off including the lights in Carlisle's bedroom window.

_Good._

Entering the house as quietly as fucking possible, trying not to get caught, I made my way up the stairs slowly, hoping the _thumping _of my boots wasn't going to wake up Carlisle. As I walked down the hall, about to head up the second flight of stairs to the third floor I stopped outside Emmett's room. Without another thought I opened his door and stepped in, my eyes catching the shadow of his form curled up in bed. I shut the door behind me and walked over to his desk and switched on the lamp.

I was alert as possible, not wanting to sleep and in the mood for company, so I grabbed the remote off his desk and switched on the TV leaving it on a low murmur. I huffed in annoyance hoping he'd wake up but he didn't. I unzipped my jacket, removed the drugs and tossed them on his desk before removing my jacket and throwing it onto the bed. I had taken another 2 lines almost an hour ago which meant I was already starting to lose the affects of the coke pretty darn quickly. The anger and guilt I was feeling earlier was beginning to brew up inside of me again with each minute that passed. I glanced at the baggie of coke I had just thrown onto the desk and without another thought, opened it up and started forming 3 lines.

I reveled in the euphoric feel of the coke as I let it wash through my system and numb me once again. I walked over to his stereo then and began sorting through his albums. As I tried to pull one out, the one beside it fell off the shelf and to the floor with a louder clatter. Emmett shot up in bed, making me jump.

"What the fuck?" Emmett said groggily, squinting from the intruding light of his lamp.

"Hey." I said turning back to his shelf as I started sorting his albums into alphabetical order.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" He asked his words muffled, most likely from scrubbing his hands over his face. "Where did you go after Dino's?" He asked shuffling in bed. I turned back around to face him and found him sitting up and leaning against the head board.

"I went and got fucking high." I snickered. His eyes darted up to my face, studying me closely with narrowed eyes. He shuffled out of bed and came to stand right in front of me.

"You're fucking high on coke." He said in disbelief. "How much have you had? Have you seen your eyes? They're fucking black as onyx. I can't see your irises for shit."

"Fuck you." I spat. "I haven't felt this good in ages. You could probably use some blow, dude, it might help you relax." I said. "Help yourself." I pointed to his desk.

He spun around in an instant, his eyes locating the scattered mess of the mirror, dollar bills and coke. "Are you fucking… fuck!" He said sounding completely agitated as he rushed over to his desk, shaking his head. He began to pack up the mess I had left, muttering various expletives under his breath.

"Hmm… A… he doesn't have any albums starting with A. That's odd, who the fuck doesn't have any albums starting with A? Moving on. B, he better have something under B…here we go, Beastie Boys, Black Eyed Peas…-"

"What?" Emmett asked.

"Huh?" I turned around to face him.

"Nothing…" he said shaking his head with a defeated look on his face. "Just stop running your hand through your hair."

I dropped my hand from my hair, "Huh, hadn't realized I was doing that."

"You're talking to yourself." He said looking at me with concern now.

"I'm not." I retorted, picking at my nails intently. "Let's do something." I suggested, sniffing. I felt something warm begin to trickle out of my nose, most likely just discharge that was a common occurrence after snorting coke. I raised my hand and wiped it away with the back of my hand, groaning when I glanced at my knuckles to see it was blood.

"Fuck." Emmett muttered darting over to his bed side table for the box of tissues that sat there. Grabbing it, he hurried over to me and held it out for me.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I pulled a few out and held them against my nose, pinching just below the bridge of it. I felt Emmett's hands on me, guiding me toward a chair and pushing me down into it.

"Keep your head back." he said before turning back to my desk and grabbing the drugs, taking them toward his bed, where he stuffed them under the mattress.

"They're mine." I said narrowing my eyes at him.

"I'm not touching them and sit down." He said in annoyance, guiding me back toward the chair. I hadn't realized I stood up.

It was silence for a while before he spoke again, "I'm afraid to ask what happened." He said quietly glancing at me with concerned eyes.

"There's nothing to be concerned about. Life is great, I'm fucking high on coke, a feeling I've missed so fucking much. Why the fuck did I stop it in the first place, huh? Why would I stop something that makes you feel so fucking care free? Why don't you try some, it might help you relax, then we can both be fucking high, you know? You won't know what I'm talking about till you sniff some snow-"

"Stop!" Emmett snapped. I looked over at him but said nothing. "Sit the fuck down and keep your head back." He said irritably as he grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me back down into the chair.

I sat down, tilted my head back and stared up at the ceiling as I held the bloody tissue to my nose. I could hear a clicking sound somewhere and it was starting to annoy the shit out of me.

"Shut it!" I said to Emmett as I kept my eyes fixed up at the ceiling. I could hear the clicking again and it was really starting to grate on my nerves. "Stop the fucking clicking… where the fuck is that clicking coming from?" I asked in irritation.

"That's you, Edward. You're clicking your tongue, stop it." His voice was suddenly near, and then I felt his hand on my leg, stilling it. I hadn't realized I was bouncing it frantically.

"I'm going to drive to Forks, I'm not tired. I'll get there before the sun rises, no traffic… perfect." I said standing up and heading for his door but before I could grab the handle Emmett grasped me by the shoulders, spun me around and roughly shoved my back against his door.

"You are completely off your head. You're not going anywhere. You're staying here. You don't know the shit that will hit the fan if Carlisle finds out you're high on coke." He explained as his eyes darted back and forth between mine.

"Get off me."

"You're not leaving this room." He said firmly.

"You can't hold me prisoner." I argued.

He narrowed his eyes at me, looking pretty distressed with my situation but grudgingly eased off of me. "You're not going." He said again as he stepped back.

I began pacing his room, feeling anxious, Emmett repeatedly telling me to still and sit down but I couldn't. My body was hyped up on coke so I was feeling extremely fidgety and restless. Half an hour later I could feel the affects of the coke beginning to wear off again, my high slowly dissipating as my depression began to seep back in. Emmett rushed down stairs and grabbed me a bottle of water, thrusting it at me when he entered the room.

"Drink." He had said simply before exiting again. Without hesitating I took a long gulp of the cold water loving the way the cold liquid snaked down my throat. He walked back in a few minutes later with some Xanax. He knew me too well since he has witnessed my come downs on more than a few occasions.

"You're not taking anymore more coke." He said quietly, holding out the Xanax in the palm of his hand. I eyed him for a second before gingerly taking the tablets and popping them in my mouth, washing them down with the water.

He put in a DVD after that, something to help pass the time till we fell asleep. I knew he was avoiding sleep in the chance that I might escape and head to Forks. It kind of irritated me feeling like I was being babysat but I didn't argue.

The Xanax started kicking in not long after I had taken it, my eyelids beginning to feel heavy as I struggled to keep them open and focus on the TV.

"Get on the bed." I heard Emmett mutter. I lazily turned my head in his direction seeing him pat the space beside him. He was lucky the bed was king size otherwise nothing would have gotten me in there beside him. I stumbled as I forced myself out of the chair and groggily made my way to his bed, collapsing myself onto it, still in my jeans and jacket and drifting off into sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I was woken up by a scream. Shooting up in bed frantically, my eyes darted around the dark room, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to catch my breath, my chest feeling somewhat restricted. I was covered in a cold sweat, my hair plastered to my forehead and my hands were trembling.

"You ok?" I snapped my head around to find Emmett sitting beside me, his sleepy eyes curious and concerned. It took me a moment to realize he was asking me because I must have been the one screaming. Ignoring him, I buried my face into my hands, fighting back the emotions that were threatening to take a hold of me.

"Edward?" he questioned as I continued to sit there with my face buried in my hands, taking deep calming breaths. When I felt I was ok enough not to break down, I scooted off the bed, still in my jeans and jacket and left his room.

I went straight for the stairs, ascending them to the third floor and into my bedroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I ripped my jacket off in shear frustration and hurled it across the room. I grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose I had snagged from Carlisle's office the night before and took a few long swigs, desperate for something, _anything _to take away the images of my nightmare.

I woke up the following morning with a throbbing headache by a knock on my bedroom door. Groaning loudly, I groggily made my way to the door and pulled it open.

It was Carlisle.

I glared at him. I was hung over and clearly not in the mood for any sort of bullshit.

He opened his mouth to speak till his eyes narrowed at my appearance, his mouth snapping shut. His eyes continued to rake over me in concern as I stood there and maintained my glare at him.

After a while he spoke, "Are you ok? You don't look the best. You're still in the same clothes from yesterday."

"What the fuck do you want?" I forced out through clenched teeth. His eyes narrowed at me in disapproval, my tone and words not settling with him well but I could tell that as he continued to take in the physical state I was currently in, he knew something was very well not ok.

"Emmett and I…" he drifted off, grimacing a little before he continued after a deep breath, "Emmett and I were just going to visit your mother." He paused, his crystal blue eyes studying me closely for my reaction. "I wanted to know if you'd join us?" He asked carefully. I've never been to visit her, by choice. I just couldn't do it.

My headache only increased tenfold at the offer, as much as I desperately wanted to, I couldn't.

"I can't." I replied dryly, my nails digging into the door frame as I tried to fight back the emotions reeling inside of me. He nodded slowly, not looking surprised in the slightest. His eyes seemed to catch something behind me, the skin between his brows puckering up in concern before he darted his eyes back to me.

"We won't be long." He said sadly before turning and heading down the hall.

I desperately needed it but I wasn't stupid enough to take it when I knew Carlisle would be back soon and I'd have to deal with the come down of coke when he would be around, so I settled for weed. It didn't have the same affect as the coke, obviously not as strong so I followed it down with some vodka. After a quick shower, I packed my bags, stuffing the drugs at the bottom of my duffle beneath all my clothes. I'd had enough of Seattle.

I was ready to head back home to Forks.

Back to my girl.

Just as I reached the bottom of the stairs, Carlisle and Emmett walked through the front door. Aunt Liz, Alec and Heidi following close behind them. I froze on the steps, realizing my plan to leave without saying goodbye had just gone to shit.

All five pairs of eyes took in my frozen form on the steps, the strap to my duffle clutched tightly in one hand, hanging by my side.

Before I knew what was happening, Emmett was rushing towards me, forcing me to turn around and pushing me back up the stairs, calling out to everyone that he needed to show me something quickly.

I tried to fight him, throwing every god damn curse word under the sun at him but nothing deterred him. He shut the door behind us as we entered his room and turned around to face me.

"Look," he began, his eyes distressed. "I don't know what exactly went down last night at Dino's with Charlotte but… Edward, fuck this behavior…? You're really starting to freak the fuck out of me."

"Well don't _freak the fuck out_." I replied dryly, scrubbing a hand roughly through my hair.

"You're stoned. _Visibly _stoned. Carlisle's downstairs!" he said incredulously. "You're obviously so off your face you don't even realize what the fuck you're doing anymore." He explained, pursing his lips, the skin between his brows puckered up in apprehension.

"I'm going back to Forks. Whether you or Carlisle want to stay another night here, well then be my fucking guests but I'm going." I said taking a step toward the door. But Emmett stepped in front of me blocking my way, his hand shooting out so that his palm was pressed firmly against my chest, effectively stopping me in my tracks. He was staring at the ground and looked like he was really trying to hold himself back.

"I can't let you do that bro." He said finally, raising his eyes to meet mine.

"Well then, you can get fucked. I'm not staying here another fucking second." I gritted out. His eyes narrowed at me in irritation.

"Well then you're going to have to take a fucking breather. Let the alcohol and weed filter out of your system, then we're _both_ leaving. I'm going to drive behind you the whole way to make sure you get there safely." He explained sternly, his tone leaving no room for arguing. If it was going to get me to Forks by sun down then I was up for it, no matter how fucked up it was.

We were back in Forks by six that evening. I was imprudent to have hoped that by being back in Forks that the pain would ease away. I was wrong. I felt like shit. Physically and mentally. The past 48 hours of drugs and alcohol was not settling well with me and the only way I could think of fixing that problem was more vodka, so I downed a shit load of it and hoped that when I went to bed that night, I'd be too fucked up to dream.

I stripped out of my clothes and slipped under the covers of my bed, hoping to shut myself out for a while. I'd had enough of dealing with the concerned stares and questioning glances of those around me. Checking my phone I saw a missed call from Bella. After I listened to the voicemail she had left, I sent her a text, not really in the mood to chat. She called me straight after.

I fought the throbbing headache I had as I spoke to her but I was too fucked up on vodka to really concentrate on what she was really talking about. To be honest, I don't even really remember the conversation and what was exchanged. My eyes were failing me, desperate for some rest and my brain was muddled and in a complete haze of alcohol and drugs.

I don't really remember anything that night before I drifted off into another fitful sleep.

* * *

**Poor Edward :(**

**Was it what you expected? He didn't cheat! Alot of you thought he cheated... i could never do that to poor Bella. I'm not that cruel lol**

**Reviews are better than being high on coke *grins  
**


	25. Open Wounds

**A/N - Big thanks to all my readers, your reviews make my day/week/month! **

**My beta...luv4jake, i'm suprised she hasn't run off yet, i drove her nuts with this chapter, constantly changing things around, so THANK YOU for putting up with me! And thank you for the song chapter, its perfect!  
**

**Twitter Whack Pack - you girls rock! MWA!**

**Storminco and Debbliss - love you both to pieces!  
**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I just like to make them do whatever i please.

* * *

**I'll Stand by You, The Pretenders**

Oh, why you look so sad?

Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now  
Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
'cause I've seen the dark side too  
When the night falls on you  
You don't know what to do  
Nothing you confess  
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me now  
Hey, what you got to hide?  
I get angry too  
Well I'm a lot like you  
When you're standing at the crossroads  
And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along  
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you

And when...  
When the night falls on you, baby  
You're feeling all alone  
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you

* * *

**BPOV **

I thrust my foot against the accelerator once more, desperate for my withering truck to go faster. It roared in protest, struggling to push further than its 50 miles per hour limit. I huffed in frustration knowing there was nothing I could do about it than just endure the slow drive.

_I really needed a faster car._

Renee, Phil and I had arrived back in Forks about an hour ago and I don't think I have ever been happier to be back home. I've never liked Phoenix and I've never made an effort to be discreet about that in the past. But today I was more anxious than ever to be back home.

Edward Cullen.

My boyfriend.

My confusing, mysterious and brooding boyfriend.

I let out a curse as I reached a red light, slamming my foot on the brake but at the same time trying to ease the truck to a gentle stop in order to prevent the three 'to go' coffees I had sitting in the cardboard tray in the passenger seat beside me, from spilling over.

As soon as the plane had landed at Sea Tac Airport, I had called Edward but gotten no answer. Frustrated that I couldn't get in touch with him, I sent him a text message informing him that I should be in Forks and at his place within a couple of hours. An hour and a half later when there still was no answer, I called Emmett who informed me that Edward had been locked up in his bedroom since arriving last night. That didn't sound good at all and only confirmed my suspicions of problems arising in Seattle after speaking to him last night on the phone and hearing how odd he had sounded. Emmett assured me he'd tell me what was going on when I got to their place.

I got a weird look from Renee when we arrived back home and I threw my duffle into my room, changed out of my clothes - that smelt like the damn airline - and rushed back down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Renee asked with a cocked eyebrow as she filled the kettle with water, most likely to make some tea.

"To see Edward. I don't think he's feeling too well." I explained, stopping only long enough to the get words out before I dashed toward the door.

"Don't be late." She called out to me just as I shut the door behind me.

So here I was, on my way to Edward's house, desperate to find out just what was going on that had him locked up in his bedroom.

Pulling into their driveway, I parked my truck beside Emmett's Jeep and hopped out after grabbing the tray of three coffees. Kicking the door shut behind me, I carefully made my way up their porch and to the front door where I knocked twice with a little more force than necessary. A few moments later, Emmett answered the door, grinning big at me, his dimples deep and making him look so adorable.

"BFF!" He exclaimed as he took the coffees off me and moved aside to let me in.

"Hey Emmett." I smiled genuinely as I stepped in and shut the door behind me. I followed him into the kitchen where he placed the coffees down on the kitchen bench and pulled one out for himself, taking a timid sip.

"Thanks for this Bella." He sighed in satisfaction as he took another little sip.

I stood their anxiously, wanting nothing more than to dart up the stairs and to Edward. I must not have been hiding my anxiety very well because Emmett raised one eyebrow at me, his eyes questioning me over the cup of his coffee. He pulled the cup away, placing it down on the bench in front of him and sighed.

"I know you're just impatient to get up there to him but I need to tell you a few things, k?" He asked, his face taking on a seriousness I rarely ever witnessed on Emmett. I nodded quickly, just desperate to know.

I watched his eyes turn cautious, scrubbing a hand through his short hair a few times as if contemplating exactly how much to tell me.

"Emmett…" I pushed, feeling my stomach beginning to knot in anticipation.

"He's just… look, I'll let him be the one to tell you what happened because really, I don't know the details of what exactly went down..." He tongued the inside of his cheek as he tried to find the right words to express to me. "Just be careful, he isn't in the best mood." He watched me carefully, before he said the next words to me, "He's been in a constant stupor of alcohol and drugs for the past 48 hours. And I mean… the _heavy _stuff." He explained, his eyes pleading with me to understand exactly what he meant. I knew. I didn't need him to elaborate. He'd taken some cocaine. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew he had some, I knew he'd taken some in the past but I also knew he was at a point where he didn't need it when he was here in Forks. So whatever went down in Seattle must have been profound.

"Ok." I let out in a breath, not realizing I had been holding my breath while Emmett spoke.

"Just don't take it personally if he's snappy." He concluded with a nod, his eyes still studying me for a reaction.

"I'm worried for him Emmett." I admitted. "Like, _really_ worried. I hate seeing him hurting..." The side of his lips curled up into a small sympathetic smile before he stepped forward and engulfed me into a hug. I buried my face into his broad chest and reveled in the comfort he was providing. He was a great big brother. He cared so much for Edward and it was so great to see he had people that loved him so much.

I pulled back eventually, smiling up at him softly.

"Me too, Bella. He hasn't left the room since arriving yesterday evening. He hasn't even eaten." I nodded in understanding before grabbing the two coffees off the bench and turning for the stairs.

As I slowly made my way up the stairs I was preparing myself for anything. I had a fair idea of what I was walking into but I'd never witnessed Edward in such a state so this was new to me. I reached his bedroom door and stood out side of it for a bit just to collect myself before stepping in.

Silence.

I couldn't hear any movement or music whatsoever coming from inside. I wasn't sure whether to take that as a good sign or not but I decided there was only one way to find out.

I knocked softly a few times and waited but I still couldn't hear any movement to indicate he was going to answer the door. He was most possibly sleeping, so I decided I'd just have to let myself in.

I let my hand hover over the knob of his door for a moment, psyching myself up for practically anything. Taking a deep breath, I grasped the knob determinedly, twisted it, and pushed the door open slowly. I took a step into the darkness, my brows furrowing in confusion at first considering it was still light out but as I pushed the door open all the way I saw the reason for the darkness. All the blinds were drawn closed, enveloping the room in a dark blanket. Biting my lip, I stepped all the way in and quietly shut the door behind me trying to make as minimal noise as possible. I took a deep breath and cringed slightly at the stench of cigarette smoke in the room. I let my eyes wander the area before me, getting surprised at the chaotic state it was in. There were clothes everywhere, strewn over his couch and floor. A half empty bottle of vodka sat uncapped by his bed side table, among his phone and a box of tissues. My eyes flickered to the bed where Edward's form lay sleeping, tangled within the sheets, in nothing but a pair of black boxers. He lay on his stomach, his head turned to the left and buried into his pillow a little. One hand was dug underneath his pillow while the other was bent out to his other side.

In that moment I wanted nothing more than to dive across the room, close the distance between us and bury myself into his warmth. But it couldn't happen that way. I honestly wasn't sure what I was walking myself into but after what Emmett said about his coke binge, he would be in a pretty grumpy and agitated mood.

The stench of cigarette smoke was starting to make me feel a little wheezy so after placing the tray of coffee on his desk, I walked over to his window and slipped my hands behind the blinds and fumbled for the groove in the window. I heaved it open, just enough to allow some fresh air to breeze into the room. Letting the blind fall back over the window, I turned back toward Edward.

I made hesitant steps toward his bed and rounded it so that I was facing the side his face was turned. My heart sank as soon as I lay my eyes upon his face. He looked pale. Not his usual bright and glowing pale but a dry and dull kind of pale. He had visible black circles rimming his eyes, his hair even messier than its usual disarray. I frowned at what I was looking at, seeing a part of the Edward that first came to Forks, not the Edward that put me to sleep in my bed only three nights ago.

Unable to fight the urge to be near him any longer, I toed off my sneakers and ripped my jacket off, tossing it to join his clothes on the floor.

I lifted my knees up onto the bed and crawled my way over to him slowly, trying not to shake the bed too much with my movements. I kneeled beside him, facing him and let my eyes roam all his perfection. The creamy smoothness of his back, defined with sculpted muscles. The intricate details of his Cullen Crest tattoo which lay nestled between his shoulder blades. My hand twitched, wanting nothing more than to trace a finger over its complex patterns. I could feel my heart beat quicken, his presence so close and warm affecting me. Without hesitation or thought, I lifted my hand that had been resting on my thigh and slowly brushed my fingers through the thickness of his hair. I couldn't believe the electricity that shot through me, startling me slightly with its intensity but not faltering my movements. I let out a quick breath, a smile tugging at the corning of my lips as I continued to tangle my fingers through his hair, reveling in its softness. A light long moan escaped his lips, causing him to bury his face deeper into pillow. He didn't wake.

I let my hand wander down the back of his head, past his neck and over his tattoo, my fingers lightly brushing over it a few times. I removed my hand and let my eyes flicker back to his face wishing there was something I could do to make his pain go away forever. I slipped my legs out from underneath me till I was sitting on my butt and then lay myself down beside him on my side so that my face was level with his, only inches away. I gazed at him, wanting nothing more than for his vibrant deep green eyes that I've grown to love to meet my mine. Lifting my hand, I stroked his cheek, trailing my fingers over the thickness of his eyebrows, over his cheek bones, down his straight nose, caressing him, loving him. His long thick lashes fluttered a little, till his eyes met mine sleepily. But they weren't vibrant nor a deep green. They were dull, glazed over a little and my heart sank. They reflected his sadness, pain, anger, annoyance, guilt… all unveiled. He didn't startle like I thought he would at finding me suddenly in his bed, my face close to his.

Instead he attempted a small smile. It came out more like a grimace though. Without a word, he removed his hand that had been buried beneath his pillow, lifted it and wrapped it around my waist. He scooped me up and tugged me toward him, crushing me to his bare and warm chest. I swallowed down the exhilarated sigh that threatened to escape at being back in the comfort and safety of his embrace. I lifted my hand and dove it into his hair, burying my face into his chest just as he nuzzled his face into my hair. I felt his chest rise with a deep inhale and I smiled to myself when I realized he was sniffing my hair. I tugged him incredibly closer to me, needing to feel all of him, his protectiveness and his warmth. I took in a greedy breath of him, his scent of cologne and a hint of cigarettes calming me instantly, sending a warm buzz to pulsate through me to the tips of my toes. This was my home. Despite all the troubles that lay ahead of us, all the pain we would have to endure together, I belonged right here, alongside him, with him. And I was never leaving.

"I missed you." He whispered into my hair, his words muffled but clear to my ears. "So fucking much." His arm tightened around me, his leg curling around my legs so that they were between his.

I continued to stroke his hair, knowing that always comforted him. "I missed you, Edward." I mumbled into his chest, my warm breath echoing off his chest and back into my face with my closeness.

"Don't leave me. Please don't fucking leave me again." He whispered, his voice laced with a desperation that frightened me. I knew we had a lot to discuss when we finally got talking and there was no escaping it at this point. I needed to understand what exactly went down in Seattle, where it all fit in with his past, why he was the way he was. I needed to know all that if I had any hope of helping him.

"I won't. Never again." I uttered clearly making sure he understood just how serious I was. We stayed tangled in each other for a while. It could have been minutes or hours, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that we needed to just hold each other for now, comforting each other after the events of the past few days.

Eventually our little peaceful bubble was disrupted by the shrieking of my cell phone. I made no move to get up and answer it though and neither did Edward but I knew we weren't going to be snuggled into each other for much longer.

He pulled back a little, taking a deep breath as he did. I inclined my head till my eyes met his. We gazed at each other for an indefinite amount of time. His hand unwrapped itself from around my waist and trailed up my side, leaving tingles in its wake. His eyes followed his hand, chasing it as it reached my face, stroking my cheek softly, his fingers tracing around my eyes, down the bridge of my nose, my eyes fluttering closed, the feeling sending warmth of goose bumps to erupt over my skin. I let my sense of touch take over, basking in the feel of his fingers caressing my skin. I sucked in a ragged breath as soon as I felt his fingers over my lips. I parted my lips, my heart beat quickening, thrashing, calling him… calling his touch. Without realizing what I was doing, my tongue darted out and licked the tip of his index finger, where it lay resting on my bottom lip. I opened my eyes, finding his fixed to my lips, dark and lust filled. His eyes darted up to mine, his expression changing to one of indecision… uncertainty? Locking my eyes with his I closed my lips around the tip of his finger and sucked on it, his eyes snapping back to my lips, his eye lids growing heavy with lust. He groaned softly as I sucked on his finger, circling my tongue around its tip, before I pulled back, his finger slipping out from between my lips.

"Baby," he breathed.

With my fingers still tangled in his hair I tugged his head down toward mine and met his lips with mine. I moaned softly as soon as the contact was made, having missed the feel of his lips against mine. He took my bottom lip between his and sucked on it softly, as his top lip sat nestled between my lips. He released it but went back for more, this time taking my top lip between his and sucking it. My fingers in his hair tightened, wanting to feel more of him, anything to bring him closer to me but he kept it pretty innocent, nipping my lips softly in a reserved manner. Desperate for more, I let my tongue dart out and brush against his lips but as soon as I did, he pulled back, resting his forehead against mine, his breaths uneven.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt him disappear, the cold of the room hitting me like a ton of bricks. My eyes snapped open to find Edward sitting on the edge of his bed, scrubbing his hands over his face roughly. They dropped to rest on either side of his thighs on the bed, his shoulders hunched over with a look of defeat. Without a word he stood and made his way over to his desk where the coffees sat. I sat myself up in his bed still dazed as to what just happened, watching as he reached out for his pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. He must have then noticed the coffees because he froze and turned to me with a raised eyebrow in question.

"I thought you'd might like some coffee." I shrugged, hating the way he was acting and looking at me so distant suddenly. He nodded, his face indecipherable as he pulled a cup out of the tray and popped the top off. He took a sip, his brows furrowing a little before he took another longer one. I was positive the coffees were cold by now.

"They're cold." He mentioned setting the cup back down on the table.

"They've been there for a while." I answered quietly, stilling confused to the sudden change in his demeanor.

My phone then rang again but this time I reached for it, lifting my butt off the bed slightly so I could slip it out of my back pocket. Glancing at the screen I saw it was Alice. Not in the mood to speak to anyone I let it go to my voicemail. I received a text a few moments later.

**B, Jasper and I are downstairs. Rose is here too.**

"Who is it?" Edward asked, taking a seat by his window against its ledge and lighting up a cigarette. He held the cigarette between his lips, his eyes squinting from the smoke rising from the end of it as he reached for the cord of the blinds and thrust it open, a streak of light glaring into the room. I watched him suck his cigarette and then exhale out toward his open window.

"They're all downstairs." I didn't need to clarify who 'they' were. He knew.

"I'm not in the mood to deal with anyone right now." He stated staring out the window. He looked like he was miles away from here.

"Ok. I might just go down and tell them we're going to stay up here." I said scrambling out of his bed.

"You can hang out with them. I'm not going to stop you." He said dryly, his eyes still staring out into the fading light.

I glanced over at him as I slipped my sneakers back on, wondering why he was being so cold.

"I'll be back." I said ignoring his statement and walking to the door.

I could hear their chattering and laughing echoing up the stairs as I descended them. Walking into the lounge, all four pairs of eyes snapped to me. Alice was the first to jump up off the couch and dart over to me, crushing me into a freakishly tight hug.

"We missed you!" She exclaimed pulling back and kissing me on the cheek. I smiled half heartedly, my mind still upstairs in the gloom of Edward's room and unable to return her enthusiasm.

Rose was next, hugging me close to her, telling me never to leave Forks again. I rolled my eyes and even smiled a little.

"You ok?" She asked staring at me intently. I wasn't sure what to say, my eyes darted to Emmett's, who was staring at me with concern from across the room.

"I'm fine." I answered turning my attention back to Rose. "Just tired from all the travelling." I answered, shoving my hands into the pocket of my jeans.

We spent the next ten minutes catching up on each other's Thanksgiving. I wasn't all that enthusiastic going on about my Thanksgiving in Phoenix but it appeased them.

They made plans to go out for an early dinner together. I had to take a rain check knowing there was no way Edward would be up for it. With quick goodbyes, Alice and Rose headed out first leaving me with Emmett and Jasper.

"How are things up there?" Emmett asked quietly. Jasper stood beside him, studying me closely. I shrugged.

"We haven't really spoken. He looks…" I fumbled for the right words to describe just how Edward looked. None of them seemed to fit.

"I know." Emmett sighed in understanding. "I just fucking need him to snap out of whatever fucking downward spiral he's got himself in right now." I nodded unsure of what to say. My mind was swimming with a million different situations that I could possibly find myself in. "He just needs time, Bella." Emmett assured, probably noticing the unease I felt.

"Take care, you know I'm here babe." Jasper said hugging me tightly. I nodded against him, burying myself into his embrace. His company always had a natural tranquility to it. I greedily tried to absorb it all.

"I know, thanks Jazz."

With another hug from Emmett, they both followed the girls outside closing the door behind them. I sighed and contemplated what to do next. I wanted to go upstairs but I knew I couldn't just sit there and watch him mope and be all distant with me. We needed to start somewhere if I needed to start helping him. I figured the first thing I could do was feed him. Emmett has said he'd been locked up in his room since he arrived last night, which most likely meant he hadn't eaten anything and if he had, I was positive it wouldn't have been anything nutritious.

After scanning the pantry and fridge for available ingredients I managed to find what I needed to make a BLT. I knew he loved it and it was quick and easy. I got to work, toasting the rolls and frying up the bacon. Just as I was washing the tomato and lettuce I heard the front door open and close. I froze, knowing if it was Dr. Cullen I'd have to explain why I had taken over his kitchen like I owned the place. I listened to his footsteps get louder as they approached till they silenced. I turned around slowly and sure enough, I came face to face with Dr. Cullen.

"Bella." He smiled in surprise.

"Carlisle." I nodded unsure of what to say. I watched as his eyes darted around the kitchen, ingredients scattered around the place, the griller on, the crackling of bacon in the skillet. He raised his eyebrows as his eyes found mine again. "I'm so sorry Carlisle but I was just making a sandwich for Edward. I should have asked first whether I-" I stopped at the dismissive shake of his hand.

"Don't be." He said with a warm smile. "He needs someone to feed him." He chuckled. "The kitchen is yours to do as you please, Bella."

"Thank you." I breathed in relief. I fiddled with the kitchen towel in my hands unsure of why I was feeling so uncomfortable around him. Was it all the stories Edward had told me about Carlisle and his mother?

"You might want to check on your bacon." He smirked, nodding his head at the skillet. I darted to the pan of bacon to see them browning a little more than I had wanted. Grabbing the plate covered with paper towels, I drained the bacon from the pan and lay them in the plate to drain properly of all the fat.

"I'm just here to grab something from my office and then I'm heading back to work." He mentioned, watching me as I flitted around the kitchen, pulling out the bread rolls from underneath the grill. "Edward's upstairs I presume?" He asked. I turned to face him and nodded.

"Yes. He's ah… just sleeping."

"You know Bella…" he began, glancing at me warily. "It's hard to help those who don't want it." He stated with such sadness in his voice that it could not be ignored. I just stared back at him, unsure of what to say to something like that. I was really lost for words today, overwhelmed by all that was going on.

We stared at each other for a few moments and for the first time I felt such empathy for Carlisle. He looked tired himself, drained, confused even. I knew watching your son crumble before your eyes couldn't be easy, especially when all your attempts to help were aggressively dismissed. Without another word, he turned and left the kitchen, leaving me standing and staring at the spot he had just occupied. I was starting to fear that Edward was in this way deeper than I had anticipated.

Forcing myself to move, I finished Edward's BLT and poured him a glass of OJ. Placing them on a tray I found in the cupboard where the plates were located, I headed upstairs balancing the items on the tray carefully.

I got to his door and realized that my hands were too full to open the door myself. I placed the tray on the floor and grabbed the knob and turned it, pushing the door open. Turning back to the tray I picked it back up and made my way through the doorway and into his room. Edward was still sitting by the window, staring out. He either was too lost in his own mind to realize I had entered or made no effort to acknowledge my presence. I wasn't sure which.

I walked over to his desk and placed the tray down onto it. "I thought you might be hungry." I affirmed clearly hoping to get his attention. He turned his head slowly to me, his eyes darting to the tray that sat on his desk. His brows furrowed in thought and his jaw set. Keeping his eyes on the tray he nodded his head slowly, a small smile threatening at the corner of his lips. It didn't quite make it though.

"Thank you." He replied glancing at me only briefly.

Not wanting to act pushy I walked over to his shelf of music and books and figured I'd distract myself with a book while he ate… _if he ate_.

Hooking my finger into the spine of a book, I slipped it out and turned toward his couch, slumped myself onto it and flipped the book open to the first chapter. It wasn't till I got to the second chapter that he removed himself from the window's ledge and made a move for his desk. He grabbed his plate with the BLT on it and OJ and walked back to the window. I internally groaned. I watched from beneath my lashes, pretending I was reading intently, as he settled the plate on his lap and placed the glass of OJ by his feet. I watched as he took the first bite, his eyes closing briefly as he chewed, his hair falling onto his forehead and hanging over his brows a little as he leaned forward over his plate. He ate in silence, occasionally taking a drink from his juice, his eyes either fixed out the window or on his plate. I fought down the nagging feeling that he was purposely distancing himself from me. It may be involuntarily, but it could also very well be just his way of coping, isolating himself from everyone. I didn't want that, I couldn't allow it.

He eventually finished, wiping his mouth with the napkin I had brought up with the food. He carried the empty plate and glass and placed them back on the tray. I looked up at him this time, my eyes raking over his body, still only covered in just his black boxers. He lifted both hands and shoved his fingers into his hair, crossing his fingers of both hands together atop his head as he threw his head back. My eyes caught sight of his second tattoo that sat on the inside of his left bicep.

_Never Give Up_

It was difficult to read considering it was written in an intricate script but because I knew what it said it was easy to make out the words. Watching him before me, struggling for composure, I could understand why he would tattoo such a phrase into his skin. He needed that reminder. Probably has needed that reminder over the last 2 years of his life. But that was only done nine months ago now, at his lowest point he had told me. I felt my heart fracture, a crack weaving its way through my heart as I watched the man I love suffer so visibly.

His hands dropped from his hair, his head coming back up to stare ahead. His eyes eventually found me, his lips pursing as he stared at me silently, the wheels in his head turning. I needed to help him and he needed time but I had to start somewhere.

_Start slow_

I snapped my book shut and tossed it on the couch beside me. I stood up with determination and walked over to him. Snaking my arms around his waist, I buried my face into his chest. He didn't hesitate wrapping his arms around me, leaning his head down to bury itself into the nook of my neck.

"You're going to take a bath." I said pulling back to take a look at him. He stared at me for a moment before he spoke.

"You think I smell?" He smirked, but it was half hearted. I shook my head.

"No, I just think it would be nice and soothing." Without waiting for his answer, I laced my fingers with his and tugged him out of the room and to the bathroom. I let him go when we entered and turned the faucets on, checking the water till it was to my liking and then putting the plug in so the bath tub would fill up. He just stood and watched me as I opened up the cupboard beneath the basin, searching for bath salts, bubble bath, anything that would do. Surprisingly I found a half bottle of Cocoa and Vanilla bubble bath. I grabbed it and unscrewed the cap and poured some into the filling tub. I may have heard Edward mumble, "We had fucking bubble bath?" but I couldn't be sure.

I placed the bottle on the basin and turned to face Edward who looked a little confused, amused and wary all at the same time.

"Strip." I demanded, taking in a deep breath because seeing Edward naked was never something you got used to. His eyebrows shot up at my demand. "Like you have a problem with it." I muttered. He smirked then, a genuine heart filled smirk and just that simple gesture made my heart sing. Without hesitation he hooked his fingers into the waist band of his boxers and locking his eyes with mine he tugged them down and stepped out of them. He stood before me naked, smirking at me impishly. I fought the urge to glance down at this man hood and keep my eyes above the waist. I stepped aside out of his way and gestured with my hand to the now half filled tub of bubbled warmth.

"You joining me?" He asked as he stepped toward the tub. I couldn't help it any longer, my eyes snapped down to his firm and taught ass. He glanced over his shoulder at me as he stepped in catching me staring at his behind. My face warmed crimson.

"W-what?" I asked snapping my eyes back to his embarrassingly.

"Are you joining me?"

"I can't." I replied shaking my head.

"Why not?" He asked, sinking himself into the bubbles.

"Because… because I just can't." I answered meekly.

"Bella," My breath caught when he said my name. I hadn't realized how much I had missed him saying it. "No one is home, right?"

"Right."

"Then get in, baby girl. You promised you'd never leave me." He said seriously, his eyes pleading with me. I stared at him for a moment, the desperation in his voice crumbling my reserve. So I relented, but had to go grab some bath towels first which Edward told me were in the linen closet in the hall. I shut the door behind me when I walked back in and turned the lock before turning to face Edward, the sight of him buried in the bubbles, chest deep, so beautiful. I gingerly removed my sneakers and socks, followed by my long-sleeved shirt. I hesitated with my jeans, unbuttoning them slowly. It was easy to forget your inhibitions when in the heat of the moment but standing here right in front of him, stripping off all my clothes brought back my insecurities.

"I'll turn if it will make it easier." He said. I shook my head knowing he was going to see me when I stepped in anyway. Edward never failed to make me feel beautiful. Ignoring my insecurities, I tugged my jeans down my legs and ripped them off, tossing them on the floor to the side. Edward was watching me now, but the look in his eyes was encouraging. They were dark, blazing with desire. I unclasped my bra and let it glide down my arms, tossing it to join my discarded jeans on the floor. Before I could change my mind, I hooked my fingers into the hem of my thong and dragged it down my legs.

Edward held his hand out for me to take to help me into the tub. I stepped into the warmth of the water, and sank myself down into Edward so that my back was to his chest. I light moan escaped me as the warmth of both his body and the water enveloped me. His hands came around my waist, pulling me closer to him, his legs bent, knees up on either side of me. I laid my head back against his shoulder, reveling in the comfort of being in his arms despite the circumstances. This was the perfect way to reconnect after being apart.

We sat in silence, neither one of us talking. I knew he wasn't up for it so I didn't push him. I was hoping this would be soothing enough, helping to ease him somewhat after the stressful 72 hours he had endured.

I felt his lips press onto my neck in a delicate kiss, sending a shiver to erupt through me. It was loving and so gentle that my heart was fighting to beat out of my chest for him. That's how we spent the next hour in the tub - lightly caressing each other in an innocent manner. There was nothing sexual about it. But even with that said, his kisses still felt resistant, held back and I was struggling to figure out why. He claimed he 'needed' me so would it be irrational to fear he would leave me? Honestly, at this point, I wasn't sure what to expect from him anymore.

Ultimately, conversation began. He was the first to speak and I hadn't realized how concerned I had been with the silence till he uttered that first sentence and relief washed over me. Our talk was brief, skimming over trivial topics, nothing of essence and I went along, keeping him in his comfort. There was plenty to discuss but now was not the time.

We eventually got out of the tub when the water became too cold to endure. We dried each other off which he was really sweet about, got dressed and walked back to his room. It shouldn't have surprised me but I watched as he grabbed the bottle of vodka that was sitting on his bed side table and he took a long swig. A couple actually. He grunted a little as he swallowed, his eyes shut tight.

He glanced up at me then and held the bottle out to me, offering me a drink. I shook my head in the negative. I had to drive home anyways soon. Glancing at my watch I saw it was already hitting seven.

The rest of week went by pretty much the same where Edward was concerned. He arrived at school Monday morning in an old pair of ragged jeans and a navy hoodie which he had the hood up over his head. Underneath he had his beanie on. It felt like he was hiding. He wore that damned hoodie and beanie all week.

When I saw his eyes that morning, they were bloodshot and a little glassy so I knew he had hit the drugs again. My heart sank even though it should have been no surprise to me. But by close observation I knew it was only the weed and not the coke. After leaving his place Sunday night at midnight I sat till the early hours of the morning in my room on my computer, studying the affects of coke long term and short term. I needed to know what I was dealing with and what to expect and I was glad I did because one inspection of his eyes and I knew he was safe.

The distance continued throughout the week. Not just with me but with everyone. He spoke when he was spoken to or needed to. He sort of just crawled into himself. He was snappy, more so than usual, which meant that he was prone to fights, just like he had been when he first arrived in Forks. There were a lot of similarities to the way he was when he first arrived from Seattle. It was like going back to Seattle had reset him. Everything he had accomplished and changed while here in Forks was erased, never to have existed. It was distressing.

Wednesday afternoon after school he met me at his car with a swollen and cut lip. I gasped when I saw him knowing straight away it was the result of a fight.

"I don't want to hear it." He'd said coldly as he approached me, obviously in relation to my shocked expression. I glanced over at Emmett when I saw him trailing closely behind him. He rolled his eyes at me but despite the nonchalance at which he was portraying to the matter I could see the concern swimming blatantly in his eyes. I mirrored that concern.

It turned out it was nothing major. Edward had misunderstood an insult from James that was meant for someone else, some guy named Jason. Thinking it was for him, Edward had lunged at James without hesitation, punching him right in the eye. James managed to get a hit back at Edward, hence the cut lip before Jasper cut in and broke it up.

The fight hadn't attracted much attention as it occurred in the gym locker room after most of the guys had left, so the school authorities had no knowledge of it. Lucky for Edward.

By Friday, he seemed a little better. And by a little better I meant he was participating in conversation and communicating with everyone normally again. He was still snappy and short fused but that wasn't so much a concern to me. But despite all that, you could still feel the anger and hurt pulsating off of him in waves. It wasn't something that was going to heal over night that was for sure. It was just something we had to work on.

The afternoons I'd spend with him after school he wouldn't hit the weed and according to Emmett he was only subjecting himself to alcohol… "a shit load of it," were his exact words.

Saturday morning I found myself in his room just hanging out like we had always done before Thanksgiving. Except Edward was laying in bed, his forearm thrown over his eyes he tried to get some rest after, according to him, was another sleepless night. I glanced over at him from my place on his leather couch where I was supposed to be watching TV. But the only watching I was doing was at Edward. He was in a pair of torn jeans and a simple black t-shirt, his chaotic mess of copper hair framing his face that was covered in 3 days worth of facial hair. To say grooming hadn't been a part of his daily routine in the past week would be an understatement.

It was an hour later that I gave up. I raised myself from my comfortable position on the couch and crawled into bed beside Edward. I lay on my side and threw an arm around his waist and tugged him close to me. In response, he removed his forearm from over his eyes and turned his head to look at me with sleepy eyes.

"Hey," I whispered smiling lightly.

"Hey," he responded, his voice thick with sleep. He turned to face me and pulled me closer to him as his eyes focused on mine.

"Did you sleep at all?" I asked.

"A little." He mumbled. I wanted to kiss him, desperately. His greeting this morning when I arrived was like it had been throughout the past week - a quick resistant peck, and I was beginning to panic. The sheer thought of losing him was too much for me to fathom. It was becoming frustrating because I wanted _my _Edward back - the Edward that loved to kiss and cuddle and never hesitated to express his feelings through actions.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. He responded immediately, moving his lips with mine slowly. _That_ he always did. I savored the moment not wanting to ruin it yet so I fisted my hand into the mess that was his hair and tugged him against my mouth harder. He moaned lightly, obliging with no trepidation, his hand grabbing onto my hip and pulling me against me. I let my tongue dart out and brush over his lip wanting to push him because this was where he'd always pull away. And just like I had anticipated, he pulled back. I sat still trying to fight back the sting of rejection.

I tried smiling to hide the hurt I was feeling by his actions as he gazed at me. But obviously I wasn't trying hard enough.

"What's wrong?" He asked, furrowing his brows at me.

"Nothing." I responded with a shake of my head. "Could you just… kiss me again?" I pleaded in a whisper. He looked a little taken aback by my request probably wondering what was going on with me. I felt a little guilty requesting this from him, knowing he was fighting his own demons but maybe it would be a way to encourage him to open up to me.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine and there it was again, the resistance. He kissed me slowly before he pulled back again, searching my eyes for my reaction.

"Is there is a reason you're holding back?" I murmured, staring at his chest as I picked at the fabric of his shirt. I was afraid to meet his eyes. When he didn't answer right away, I chanced a glance into his eyes and was surprised at the anger I saw flickering in them. I instantly felt a surge of guilt wash over me.

_Now is not the time to be needy, Bella._

He let of go of me slowly and sat himself up in bed, resting his elbows on his bended knees and cradling his head into his hands.

"I'm sorry." I apologized quickly realizing I was just making matters worse for him. I sat myself up, kneeled behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Leaning my cheek onto his back, I insatiably inhaled that sharp musky smell of his cologne mixed with the slight tinge of cigarettes. His back felt so warm and firm against my chest as I pressed myself to him further, never wanting to let go. All I wanted to do was just comfort him as best I could.

"It's nothing fucking personal." He sighed irritably. "And don't fucking apologize." He groaned. "What have I always told you about that shit?" he asked lifting his head from his hands and glancing at me over his shoulder. I chose to take that as a rhetorical question so I remained silent. He let out a gust of air through his cheeks and I could tell he was struggling to compose himself.

"Tell me." I whispered into his ear. I didn't need to elaborate about what exactly, he knew. "I'm here."

"You might not be after I confess all my shit to you." He replied dejectedly. "I don't want to hurt you, Bella." He whispered.

I released my arms from their hold around his neck and maneuvered my way around until I was kneeling in front of him.

"Hey, you can't keep pushing me away." I pleaded as the fracture in my heart began to weave its way through as I witnessed the blatant pain swimming behind those emerald eyes of his.

"You'll be pushing _me _away when you hear what I have to say." He replied with a slight shake of his head as he shut his eyes tight and clenched his jaw.

"I'd never push you away." I said firmly, placing my hands on his knees, desperate for some kind of contact. "and you're just pushing me away by not telling me." He opened his eyes slowly as they met mine, my heart clenched at the sight of his anguish, the poison that was eating away at his heart.

"I'm a monster Bella. I'm not someone that deserves your sympathy."

"How about you let me decide that for myself." I pushed. His eyes seemed to soften momentarily at my comment before the anguish and struggle took over again.

"I made a mistake Bella. A very fucked up mistake that was all my fault and had the repercussions that I'm going to have live with for the rest of my life." He began and I couldn't help but wince at the sound of the self hatred that was oozing out of his voice. I fought back the tears of watching him suffer before me and feeling absolutely hopeless to do anything about it. This was just beginning, I hadn't even heard what he had to say yet and I was already about to crumble right along with him.

His eyes dropped to my hand that still lay atop one of his knees. He slowly raised his hand and covered mine with it, his fingers delicately gliding over my knuckles a few times. I turned my hand over so that my palm was facing up and watched in rapt attention as his slender fingers continued to brush over my skin, up to my wrist, as tender as a butterfly and then back down to my palm. I was biting my lip, desperately holding back the urge to moan and the need I suddenly felt to express my love to him. But now was most certainly not the time.

Keeping his eyes focused on our hands, he entwined our fingers, locking them together and giving my hand a little squeeze as he let them rest on his knee. His eyes never faltered away when he spoke.

"Peter…" he let out a shaky breath before he was able to continue, his voice quiet, "Peter was my best friend. Much like you and Jacob, since we were kids, at the age of eight. We were the best of friends. Yeah, we had our occasional fights and arguments but we were like brothers. He was a good kid... respectful and polite, never screwed anyone over…" he drifted off and I got the sense that that somehow hit a nerve. But he seemed to compose himself quickly and continued, his voice sounding almost void of any emotion suddenly.

"When my mother passed away he was there for me, he was like a third son to her so her… death… hit him hard. That was when I started fucking up, drinking, taking drugs. I was fifteen Bella." He shook his head as if in disgust with himself but I just tightened my hand in his, encouraging him to keep going.

"He'd smoke the occasional joint with me but always lectured me about my excessive drug use. It was my only way to help deal with the pain of losing my mother… six months after her death and I was just as fucked as I was when she first passed. I didn't handle it well at all, Carlisle tried everything to help me, offered therapy but I stubbornly refused. The drugs started really fucking with me, I was starting fights at school, my grades were dropping. My relationship with Carlisle was slowly deteriorating as a result.

"A mutual friend of mine and Peter's was having a birthday party one night. And by that point Peter had just started dating this girl, Charlotte. They'd been dating for about two months. She was a good girl, she deserved him." He paused for a second, as if recollecting his thoughts before he continued in that same quiet voice.

"I got drunk at this party, I'd take up any excuse to drink and forget my pathetic existence." He said with a dark chuckle that sent a shiver down my spine. "Charlotte also had a bit to drink but she was still coherent. We somehow ended up in a room together alone, one thing led to another… I fucked her. I fucked my best friend's girl." He seemed to be waiting for my reaction, but I all I did was raise our entwined hands and give a soft kiss to the back of his hand. That seemed to give him the encouragement he needed to continue.

"The guilt that ate away at me after I'd realized what I'd done was too much to bear. Charlotte was worse off than me. We agreed not to tell him, it would have destroyed him. But Charlotte eventually caved, unable to hide it from him any longer. He stormed into my house one afternoon and went off at me, calling me fucked in the head, an addict who had absolutely no respect for anybody. He was right, I didn't take offense to it because everything he said was right but it still stung to hear the truth.

"I couldn't live with myself till I somehow made it up to him, till I got his forgiveness even though I didn't deserve it. He and charlotte were still together but it wasn't the same as before. Peter blamed me and I didn't argue. I was completely responsible.

"I needed to talk to Peter and apologize, somehow make it up to him. One night I called him and asked to meet up, to give me a chance to explain. But because of my behavior around that time, I was grounded after initiating a fight at school. Carlisle took my car away and I wasn't allowed to leave the house unless it was for school. So when Carlisle found out I was going out to meet up with Peter that night, he wouldn't let me leave, arguing that if I really needed to talk to Peter then he would have to come over to see me." He paused before he whispered, "I'll never forgive him for that decision." He went quiet and I waited for him to continue but the silence just dragged on. I could feel tears welling in my eyes but I fought them back, he needed me to be strong for him. I could feel what was coming, it was obvious. Before I could continue that thought he continued.

"He died at the end of my street. A driver crossed through a 'Stop' sign at full speed and crashed right into Peter in the middle of the intersection, sending him right into a telegraph pole.

"I was in my room pacing, waiting for him when I heard the sirens. Carlisle, Emmett and I bolted out of the house and to the scene of the accident. Bella…" my name came out in a whisper. "I knew it was him… before I even saw anything, something was nagging me, telling he was there. But when I saw his car… or what _was left _of his car, I lost it. I could hear him fucking screaming…" his grip on my hand tightened. Incredibly so that it was starting to hurt but I ignored it, wanting him to just let it all out.

"He died two days later." He concluded, his tone indicating the finality of his confession. My eyes drifted closed with those final pained words. I was struggling to keep my emotions from bubbling to the surface, I couldn't fall apart in front of him, that would just break him. Taking a deep breath, I let my eyes open, a little terrified of what I might witness. His head was dropped in front of him, his eyes stubbornly fixated to his lap as locks of his hair dangled forward, covering his eyes from my view.

"Look at me, Edward." I demanded quietly, fighting back the fraught that was weighing me down. When he ignored me, I released my hand from his and climbed into his lap, so that I had my legs on either side of him. I buried my face into the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms tightly around him. He remained frozen at first before his hands slowly made their way to my waist where he tugged me against him as far as I'd go. His fingers of one hand found their way into my hair, grasping the back of my head while his other hand wrapped around my waist, holding me to him. We were crushed against each other in a death-like grip, neither one of us willing to let go of the other.

"I'm sorry, baby," I murmured. "But it wasn't your fault-"

"No!" I jumped at his outburst, startled. I let my arms fall from around his neck gingerly as I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. I gasped lightly when I saw his eyes rimmed red with unshed tears, a myriad of emotions swimming in them as he stared back at me.

"Yes, it was my fault! I killed him and he fucking died loathing me! I never got to apologize, never got to fucking make things right between us..." He choked on the last word, stopping abruptly with a growl in frustration.

"Hey, hey…" I said cradling his face with my hands and forcing his pained gaze to meet mine. "He knew you were sorry. He knew the struggle you were going through with losing your mum. It was the drugs that made you… do what you did, not _you_." I tried to explain meekly.

"It doesn't make what I did ok." He gritted out, his eyes burning with anger. "My best friend died hating my fucking guts." I stared at him, my heart twisting at the crumbling Edward before me. There was nothing I could say or do to help him. Not now, at least. He was carrying this burden of blame and guilt and it was just eating away at him like cancer.

"Baby," I began, trying to keep my voice steady. "You may have not had the chance to apologize, but his death was not your fault." I pleaded in a whisper for his understanding. "You can't keep taking the blame, no good will ever come of that."

He struggled to contain his composure, I could tell and for a while all we did was stare at each other - all concept of time completely forgotten. My heart was thrashing violently within my chest and in the silence of his room it sounded louder than ever.

He snapped out of it first, the force of his words startling me. "The doors behind you." He said miserably. "Why don't you just leave now while you still can." His gaze turned into one of loneliness and anguish as he looked away. Even though I knew he was upset and he didn't really mean it, it still hurt to hear.

With a shake of my head I replied, "I'm not going anywhere… you know that." He shook his head as if unbelieving of my words but said nothing. I threaded my fingers through his hair as silence once again engulfed us. I knew he just needed time to gather his thoughts, reign in his emotions. This was a struggle for him and I needed to give him that freedom to just express it all to me at his own pace.

"I saw Charlotte." He spoke into the silence, raising his head till his eyes met mine, my fingers slipping out of his hair in the process.

"That's what triggered…" I drifted off at the nod of his head.

"She got into Cocaine after it happened… and booze. She struggled with the guilt just as bad as I did. She felt the responsibility of his death just like I did. But the one difference is…" his locked his eyes with mine, I was unable to look away from the sheer intensity projecting from them. "She got to apologize." His words hung in the air, lingering with their weight. Those four simple words were loaded. That was his main struggle and I knew it, the fact that he never got to say sorry for his actions.

"Is she still… on the drugs?" I asked afraid to hear the answer.

"When I saw her last week she said she was off that stuff now. She drinks occasionally but it seems she's also cut back a hell of a lot on the booze too." He paused for a moment before he said, "She's just recently started therapy." I couldn't help but notice the tinge of envy in his voice.

Help…

That was what he envied.

"Why don't you consider therapy?" I asked trying to keep my voice suggesting and not demanding.

"They'll just fuck with me, Bella. That's what they do, fuck with people's heads. Please, I don't need another Carlisle so don't waist your energy on trying to convince me otherwise." He said a little too harshly.

"Ok." I agreed quickly not wanting to add to his anxiety. "I understand. It was just a suggestion."

He let out a long unsteady breath, "I don't deserve your sympathy and understanding, Bella." He said, his voice hoarse with his struggle to stay composed. I brought my hands up and cupped his face, forcing his gaze to meet mine.

"What can I say or do to make you see that I'm not going anywhere? I'm here to stay and you can keep pushing me away all you want but I'm just stubbornly going to ignore your pleas." The side of his mouth threatened to curl up into a smile but it didn't quite make it. I could see the relief my words had brought him, but the tenderness of the situation was still there.

"I lost two of the most important people in my life within six months…"

"It'll take time Edward… everything does." I explained. I remembered his tattoo, so I let go of his face and reached for the sleeve of his t-shirt and pulled up the sleeve till it bunched around his shoulder. I made him turn his arm slightly so that we could clearly see the inside of his bicep… "Never give up." I whispered.

"Never give up." He repeated meeting his eyes with mine.

"You'll heal but it'll take time. Nothing comes easy but we're in this together." I said with all the compassion I could muster.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" He uttered softly, raising his hand and cupping one side of my face before his lips found mine. His lips were soft and tender but it wasn't reserved like all the others had been… not in the slightest. This kiss was passionate and zealous and I struggled to contain myself with the sheer intensity of it. His other hand soon reached up and cupped the other side of my head as his tongue darted out to meet mine. There was no urgency in the kiss, it was just slow and passionate with promise of so much. His fingers weaved their way through my hair as he kissed me with need. If it were even possible I could feel the pain that had surrounded us only moments ago slowly evaporating. We surrendered to the raw emotion that was now coursing through us as the kiss grew vehement. I feared letting go, terrified that the sour melancholy mood that was lingering before would wash over us again as soon as we pull away. But Edward wasn't ready to let go just yet, deepening the kiss even more than I thought were possible. It was the most intense kiss I had ever experienced in my life.

Eventually we did pull back, the both of us gasping for air, our foreheads resting on each other.

"Sorry, that was… just… fuck." He struggled to explain through his rapid breaths, pulling back just enough for his eyes to meet mine. I smiled softly at him, pressing a soft chaste kiss to his lips again. "I can't believe you're still here." He breathed in disbelief.

"It's where I'll always be."

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	26. Unbroken

**A/N -Major thank you to all of you out there that read and review this story. I love you all so much for riding out this experience with me! **

**Not only is my beta luv4jake awesome for getting this back to me quick and editing this little thing but because it was her birthday yesterday! So HAPPY BIRHTDAY to you Nya, *hugs*  
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**Stormyinco and Debbliss... you two will always rock my socks! love you!**

**A few announcements at the end of the chapter for you to check out. **

**Links to the songs in this chapter can be found on my profile.**

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight... unfortunately all i own is the fifteen dollars in my wallet. :(**  
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**Stan Walker, Unbroken**

I don't know what this is

But I can tell it's something that I can't miss  
It's like your showing me where happiness lives

And all I have the strength to do is turn to you  
With every empty space

I'm missing pieces only you can replace

I'm like a packet saying please don't wait  
Your contents are fragile so I'm glad you're here to stay

I can promise you that this heart

Was brighter than a falling star

And all the money that I could take  
Now there's nothing more I can break

**Chorus:** ya picked up my pieces and put me together  
There's no way you'd ever know  
That my heart was breaking  
Cause you came and threw me a line  
I was falling apart but now I'm falling forever  
For someone that wont let go

My loves a token  
Because of you I'm unbroken x3  
Now every piece of my heart is falling back into place

Time stops

When I'm with you I count the seconds I got  
Cause every minute I was something I'm not  
You given back to me

It's like history don't mean a thing  
Tryin' run away I can't hide

I'm in the dark and all I see is your light  
And your shining brighter than anything I've ever seen

And I can promise you this heart

Will be a falling star

Cause you know what it means

Chorus

I just woke up from a dream where I was in one piece  
no fragment of me and in these empty streets  
love held me together and it never let me go x2  
nothing left for me to break

Chorus

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**EPOV **

I let my exhausted form collapse into the plush arm chair, thankful for the relief of finally being off my aching feet. Resting my elbow on the arm rest, I dropped my head into my hand and groaned. Shopping was never something I had the fucking patience for.

"Where'd he go?"

"Edward? The last I saw of him he disappeared toward the change rooms."

I heard their shuffling near, till they both appeared around the large wall case of denim. Both their eyes found me at once, Jasper's eyebrow rising in question.

"You ok?" He asked seeming concerned. I lifted my head upright again and scanned the numerous items they had balanced in their arms.

"I'd be ok if you motherfuckers were both done. Like seriously… two hours? Two fucking hours and you're still searching." I said irritably.

"We're done." Emmett responded. "But err… where the hell is your stuff?" He asked pointing with his chin to my empty hands.

"I don't shop. I searched and looked, believe me I did but I didn't find anything… now, can we please just go?" I demanded standing up from my chair and groaning slightly as soon as my weight was back on my feet.

"Sure let's go." Jasper agreed leading the way to the register. "So, you found nothing… what are you going to do?" He asked dropping his purchases onto the counter for the sales lady to scan.

"I've got a week."

"Yeah, in the Christmas rush." He said it like I was stupid.

It was Jasper's idea to head out for Christmas shopping after school that day and as much as the idea sounded like torture to me I knew it had to be done eventually. The thing was, Jasper and Emmett seemed to know what the fuck they were doing when it came to shopping for their girls. Me on the other hand… well I was absolutely fucking clueless. I had no idea what to get Bella which meant I spent the better part of two hours walking around blindly through all the shops, nothing seeming 'right' for her.

"I'll figure that shit out but just please let me out of this fucked up store before I kill someone." I practically growled.

The sales assistant glanced up at me with a startled expression but I just rolled my eyes at her and turned so that my back was to her and I was resting against the edge of the counter.

I almost started singing _Hallelujah_ when we finally managed to exit that damned store I was so relieved… but I didn't, of course. With bags clutched in their hands, I followed Em and Jasper as they made their way through the mall and to the Food Court for some much needed nourishment.

Once we'd settled ourselves down onto a table with some burgers and drinks we dug in, the three of us too famished to bother with conversation.

Wiping my mouth down with a napkin, I grabbed my soda and leaned back in my chair, hoping to release some pressure off my now full stomach.

"What time does she get off work tonight?" Jasper asked, popping a fry into his mouth.

"Eight. But she normally gets off about six thirty." I explained with a sigh. Bella had started working at Newton's Outfitters a week after Thanksgiving. She was doing afternoons after school and half days on Saturdays. I wasn't too happy with her working there, especially when I knew the time was spent with the ever clueless-to-rejection Mike Newton. She calls me ridiculous when I claim he's lusting after her. That girl will never see how fucking sexy she is.

Jasper nodded in acknowledgement as he continued eating. Emmett was texting away on his phone, oblivious to his surroundings. He and Rose had become fucking inseparable since Seattle, it was like their time apart had brought them closer to each other.

It was an hour later we split, each one heading to see their girl while I made my way to Newton's Outfitters to pick up Bella from her shift. Parking my car right in front of the store, I climbed out and headed inside ignoring the 'Closed' sign hanging on the glass door. The door bell alerted my presence but no one seemed to be in sight. Some of the display lights had already been switched off for closing, so it was pretty dark inside. I weaved my way through the store and towards the back where the stock room was located; that's where I always found Bella and Mike at the end of the day. I could hear their voices as I neared, particularly Bella's giggling and the soft musical sound sent a surge of jealousy to erupt through me. It might be considered fucking ridiculous to get jealous over Bella giggling with Mike but the fact of the matter was, it'd been weeks since I'd been able to fire up that kind of reaction from her. I've been the less-than-pleasant boyfriend with my bull shit and it hurt. It hurt to think that someone else could make her laugh so effortlessly while I couldn't. I should be the one bringing a smile to her face, not some fuck wit who worked with her.

I reached the stock room to find the door slightly ajar, so I took that as an invitation to push it all the way open and make myself known.

"Hey," I said peeking in. Bella and Mike were both sitting on crates, side by side turned a little toward each other. They both had a clip board in their lap with some papers attached. It looked like they were comparing numbers or some shit, and it wasn't supposed to be that way but I couldn't help but notice that their seating seemed too fucking cozy for my liking. Drawing a deep calming breath, I schooled my expression to one of nonchalance. I really didn't need to greet Bella with my anger.

"Edward." Mike nodded, his smile fading slightly at the sight of me. Fucker.

"Hey, baby." Bella grinned as she looked up at me. She jumped up from her seat, tossed her clip board on the crate mindlessly and rushed over to me, throwing her arms around my neck. I couldn't explain the feeling of serenity that washed over me as soon as her body touched mine. I wrapped my arms around her, nuzzling my face into her hair and greedily inhaled her sweet nectar. It was amazing how much I missed her. I had only seen her a few hours prior at school but it felt way too long.

"You done?" I asked as we pulled back. I leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, smiling down at her as I pulled back.

"Almost, we just need another fifteen minutes to-"

"That's ok Bella," Mike assured, cutting her off as he stood up. "We can finish these tomorrow morning." He smiled at her. I almost growled at him, the smile he gave her was always a smile of longing. She was _mine_.

"You sure? I wouldn't want-"

"Positive." He declared.

"Ok, well I'll see you at two tomorrow?"

"Sure." He nodded.

I couldn't have been any faster in dragging her out of there. I wanted her to myself, to just hold her and cuddle her because I'd become a fucking 'cuddler' apparently over of the past few weeks. Who would've thought?

We arrived back at my place just past eight thirty. Emmett wasn't home but Carlisle was. Walking past his office where the light filtered from beneath his door, Bella and I ascended the stairs to my bedroom. I locked the door behind us once we walked in then tugged her by the hand toward my bed.

"Get in." I demanded softly. She smiled as she toed off her Converse sneakers, ripped off her jacket, shirt and jeans. Leaving her in nothing but some skimpy fucking panties and her bra, she crawled into my bed and slid herself beneath the covers. I followed her actions, discarding my clothes till I was in nothing but some dark green boxers and crawled in beside her. Scooping her up, I pulled her against me so that I was spooning her from behind. I buried my face into her cupcake scented hair and sighed in relief. This was my heaven and nothing could tear me away from it.

"I missed you, baby girl." I murmured into her hair as my hand caressed the smooth skin of her stomach.

"Me too… you have me all night." She sighed happily. And that I did. She had faked a sleep over at Alice's who thankfully was covering for us in case Bella's mum was to ring and ask for her.

I hummed in response, using my nose to nudge away the hair covering her neck so that it was exposed to me. I placed delicate kisses along her creamy neck, desperate to keep her close to me. I'd been the less than perfect boyfriend for her since my return from Seattle. She's had to deal with my mood swings and fucked up behavior and it wasn't anything I had expected her to put up with, honestly. But baffling me, she was still here, willing to put up with me, something I'd never come to understand.

I've never had to retell my story. To anyone. Never had I heard it spoken out loud. In my head, it'd been repeated more times than I'd like to count, each time torturing me with the bleak memories. I knew that eventually I'd have to come out and tell Bella exactly what happened in my past. It would help her understand me more and to be honest I wanted to tell her, I wanted to be honest with her about everything and never had I ever had the desire to express my shit to anyone. I'd been a fucking closed book for years. Like a book that had been written then snapped shut away from the eyes of others and placed on a shelf, out of reach. People knew it was there, had a fair idea what that book was about but never knowing exactly what was inside.

It hurt. It hurt like a motherfucker having to hook my finger into that book and open it up. Reading it out loud made it so real, so fucking real that it was like I was reliving the nightmare all over again.

She held me, she glued herself to my side, determined to never leave me and that reassurance was what kept me together, because had it not been for her support I would have lost it. I owe it to her. I could never be enough for her in my eyes. She's dealt with shit in her life that haunts her everyday. She doesn't need someone else's bull shit on top of that. She needs someone to take care of her, to cherish her, someone to relish in all that she can give because the girl gives all of her. She has given me everything that she can and yet I've only given her a part of me.

I love her.

And because of that fact I can't find it in myself to let her go. The thought alone taunts me. We're like two magnets drawn together by force, that even if I wanted to walk away because she deserved more, I couldn't do it. That shit just wasn't possible.

I will live everyday making sure that I prove to her that I can do it. I can love her and treasure her like she deserves. I could never be enough for her, but I sure as Hell will make sure that I try. That's all that's in my power. To try. And I'd do anything to make her happy.

The past three weeks, since returning from Seattle certainly haven't been my easiest. The guilt was still there, nestling itself like a constant badgering ache in my chest. Reminding me of my fuck up. Reminding me of that dreaded night. Reminding me of the lives I'd thoroughly fucked up because of one fucking decision. I knew I couldn't hold this guilt for the rest of my life. But it wasn't as easy as saying 'I'm over it' and the nagging guilt just diminishes into thin fucking air like it never existed. That shit was ingrained in me, fucking carved into my chest permanently that I wasn't sure I'd ever be free from it.

Since my mother's death, that throbbing ache began to generate. Six months later, after the death of my best friend that throbbing gained its momentum to a relentless constant pounding. There were moments when it faded into the background, when my mind was too focused on something else. But it never disappeared. The pain itself never faded. It was like your heart beat or your breathing, constantly there but you're not necessarily aware of it every second of the fucking day.

That's why I fucked girls, plain and simple. I turned to the ecstasy that sex provided to numb it. The sensations that sex brought, the endorphins sex released numbed that pain. It may have been temporary but that short lived numbness was fucking worth it when I could free myself from something so raw.

The nightmares happened every night. I was hoping being back in Forks would have driven them away. It was just wishful thinking on my part. Every night I woke up to my scream, panting and sweating. The images of that night replaying in my head like a broken record made to torture me. What was worse was the dream always started with the day he lashed out at me, after finding out what I'd done. I'd relive his tempered words, his rage, the hatred he tossed my way. Almost like he was calling me from the grave, reminding me that I fucked up his life. That would lead to the accident; the sound of the sirens, the sound of his agonizing screams, the sight of his crushed car, the image of him being cut out and barely conscious, the vision of him in that hospital bed, battered and unconscious. I relived those memories every fucking night.

Vodka numbed the intensity of the dreams somewhat, but it never took them away. During the week I'd refrain from drinking myself into oblivion knowing I couldn't afford to miss classes due to being hung over. I couldn't go to Chicago… I needed my girl, just like I needed the air to breathe.

On the weekends I'd refrain from doing so for Bella's sake. I didn't want her to witness me pissed drunk and high. I knew that hurt her and I was hurting her enough by not being myself. Her presence was better than any drug or alcohol could provide. Her presence dulled that pain till it was faint enough to ignore effortlessly.

"It hurts when you're not near." I blurted out. She stiffened against me, most likely taken off guard by my sudden comment. She turned slightly so that she was half on her back and gazed over at me. Her face soft as her eyes roamed mine thoughtfully. I was fighting the build up of emotions in my chest, my love for her swelling and I had the strongest urge to just blurt it out to her, to express to her just how much she meant to me; how just her simple touch warmed the coolness of my heart. Her presence intoxicating me with her ease.

I lifted a hand and gently brushed away the hair from her face. My eyes locked with hers, their warm brown depths warming every inch of me. What had I done to deserve a girl like her? She turned around all the way to face me so that she was on her side. She raised her hand and pressed her palm to my naked chest, right over my heart and I was positive she could feel its tattooed beat. It was all for her. All of it, I wanted her to have it, to take my heart and keep it because I'd already given it to her.

A soft smile tugged at her lips and in response I smiled back at her, the reaction involuntarily. Surprising me, she guided her hand away from my heart then leaned her face down and pressed a delicate lingering kiss right where her hand had been. Over my heart. As soon as she pulled away I wove my fingers through her hair and kissed her.

I kissed her with all the passion I could muster, my emotions taking a hold of me and pouring out into the kiss. She responded enthusiastically, parting her lips and allowing her tongue to meet mine. Her taste filled my mouth and I groaned softly letting my hand leave her face and trail down her side and to the back of her thigh where I hitched it up over my hip allowing my erection to dig into her panty clad pussy. The kiss grew heated as our breaths quickened, mouths wide open, feeling like we couldn't get enough of each other. She was consuming me and it was the best damned feeing in the world.

I pushed myself up so that I was hovering over her without breaking the kiss. She wrapped her legs around my waist and tugged my lower half down so that I was pressing against her pussy. She started grinding herself against me, causing me to groan out loud and meet her movements. Detaching my lips from hers, I kissed down her neck to her collarbone, past her shoulder till I reached the swell of her breasts. I ran my tongue over each swell loving the feel of her writhing beneath me. Biting down on her nipple through the fabric of her bra, elicited a nice long moan from her.

Slipping my hand under her arched back, I managed to undo her bra clasp quickly and made quick work of tearing the offending the garment away from her, tossing it to the floor. My mouth found her nipple immediately, letting my tongue flick the bud back and forth till it puckered up nicely. Closing my lips around it, I sucked on it roughly, swirling my tongue over it occasionally. Her hands were fisted into my hair, holding me in place as her back arched against me. I missed her. I missed having her like this, touching her, feeling her, tasting her.

Moving my lips down her torso, I let my tongue circle her navel before I reached the hem of her panties. I ran my nose along her sex, smelling her sweet arousal.

"Fuck… baby girl, I want to taste you so fucking bad." I groaned. I lifted my head up to look at her, she had one hand gripping the bed sheets beside her while the other maintained a pretty firm grip in my hair. I turned my attention back to her sweet pussy before me and wondered just how I could bring her to her orgasm.

I bit down gently onto her clit through the fabric causing her to cry out. I pulled back and chuckled as I had not expected her to be so vocal.

"Shhh, baby. Carlisle's downstairs… possibly in his room just down the hall." I warned her with a smirk. She lifted her head to look at me, her face flush with her arousal. Her expression was one of shock as if it had just dawned on her that Carlisle was home. "Would it be possible for you to keep it down… just a notch?"

She flushed an even darker shade of red in embarrassment and nodded her head sheepishly. I hummed in content as I made my way back up toward her face, capturing her lips in a fervent kiss.

"You're so beautiful baby…" I said softly. She smiled at me as her hands raked over my back. She let them trail down until I felt her warm hand stroke over my dick.

"Fuck me…" I groaned as I let my head drop to her shoulder, succumbing to the pleasure that was overpowering me.

Before I knew it, her hand slipped beneath the hem of my boxers where her warm hand wrapped around my dick.

"Do you like that?" she asked breathily. I hummed in response lifting my face so my eyes could meet hers. Her bottom lip was captured between her teeth, her lidded eyes focused on mine. My breathing picked up as her hand began stroking me determinedly, my head dropping to rest on her shoulder. Then all of a sudden, her hand left me. My head snapped up in fucking disappointment but before I could register what was happening she pushed me off of her till I rolled onto my back. She threw a leg over my hip so that she was straddling my waist, and the sight of her above me, her long brown hair cascading in waves over the bare creamy skin of her shoulders and back was absolutely fucking breathtaking.

She kissed me once more, her tongue diving into my mouth with enthusiasm. My hands found her ass, my fingers digging into her flesh as I pushed her down against my throbbing cock. She whimpered into my mouth, the sound muffled by the work of my tongue as I continued to devour her sweet mouth.

She eventually broke away from the kiss and gave me a nervous smirk. Her lips were red and swollen and the thought that I had fucking done that to her made me grin back at her. She slid down my body, pushing my legs apart so that she could sit between them. I lifted myself up onto my elbows and watched her with rapt attention as she hooked her fingers into the hem of my boxers and began to tug them down. Trying to overcome the shock I felt at her boldness, I helped her slide them off to where she tossed them over her shoulder.

Her hand closed around my cock once more, as she stroked me up and down firmly. I clenched down on my teeth, trying to fight off the urge I had to groan out loud at the sensations that were beginning to bubble up in the pit of my groin. Biting her lip, her lidded eyes once again focused on mine as she sped up the movements of her hand and before I could register anything, she leaned down and encased me into her warm wet mouth.

"Holy fuck!" I exclaimed in surprise, collapsing back onto the bed. "Fuck… Bella baby…" I groaned unable to form a simple coherent sentence. Where the fuck had that come from? We'd never talked about that shit. She'd never mentioned anything or suggested she would ever try. She just straight out did it taking me completely off guard.

I couldn't focus on anything besides the feeling of her mouth on me. Never had I expected it to feel this fucking good. You could tell she was an amateur with the way she was working me but that didn't mean it didn't feel fucking good. Just the thought of her sucking me was enough to bring me over the edge.

I lifted my head up again to glance down at her, wanting to tattoo the image of her sucking me to memory. And nothing could have prepared me for the sight of her. Her long dark hair was framing her face, as I watched her head bop up and down along my cock. One hand was grasping my thigh for leverage as her other hand held the base of my cock.

"Use your hand too, baby." I breathed. She began moving her hand in sync with the movements of her sweet mouth. Her eyes finally lifted to look at me from beneath her lashes, her lips wrapped around my cock and I lost it.

"Bella, I'm gonna fucking come…" but instead of pulling me out, she kept me in her mouth which only intensified my orgasm as I spilled my seed into her mouth and down her throat. Once she had milked me dry, I was left panting on the bed, unable to move, still trying to overcome the shock of what she had just done. I felt her mouth slide up and off of me where she then placed a kiss to the tip of my cock.

"Hey," she whispered suddenly hovering over me. I opened my eyes to find her face inches away, her cheeks flushed crimson and her eyes staring back at me with trepidation. I grabbed her by the shoulders and rolled us over till she was on her back causing her to squeal in surprise.

I brought my lips to her ear and growled, "Where in the fuck did that come from?" I started placing open mouthed kisses along her neck as she shrugged against me. "That was… holy fuck I don't even know what to say…" I said meeting my eyes with hers.

"Did… did you like it?" she asked biting her lip nervously. I reached my hand up and pulled her lip out from its torture with my thumb.

"Like it? No, Bella I didn't fucking like it..." I began and I felt a little guilty for not explaining faster when I saw the look of rejection and embarrassment wash over her features. "I fucking loved it, Bella. All of it. All of you." I said placing a kiss to the end of her nose. I pulled back to find her staring back at me in shock, her teeth once again gnawing away at her bottom lip.

"What?" I asked furrowing my brows in confusion at her expression. She seemed to hesitate briefly before she shook her head quickly at me, rearranging her features to a soft smile. I let it slide, if it was important she would have told me.

"That was brilliant, baby girl." I smirked. "Who would've thought my girl had it in her."

"Edward, this is embarrassing, can we not talk about it." She said lifting her hands to bury her face into them to hide her deepening blush. I chuckled as I tried to pry her hands away with one of mine.

"Don't be embarrassed." I said seriously. "Hey, look at me. Show me your eyes baby. Don't hide them from me." Her chest rose with a deep breath before she let her hands fall from her face. I stared at her, once again disbelieving of her beauty and what she did to me.

I pressed a soft kiss to her lips, lingering there a little longer than need be and pulled back just enough so that our lips were still touching.

"This mouth…" I whispered before kissing her again, "is perfect." I pried her lips open with mine and deepened the kiss allowing my tongue to seek hers. I physically felt her relax beneath me, sinking back into the mattress as she kissed me back.

"Just like the rest of you." I uttered softly as I kissed her deeply. I wanted her to feel just how beautiful she was to me, because she was. To me she was perfect.

"One mile to every inch of… your skin like porcelain," I sang softly against her lips, the words just audible to our ears. "One pair of candy lips… and your bubblegum tongue," I continued before I kissed her again, making sure my tongue caressed hers. I pulled away and moved my lips along her jaw, taking my time like I had all the time in the world. "Your body is like a wonderland…" My lips found her neck where I placed open mouthed kisses along the expanse of it, trailing down to her collarbone and to her breasts where I took my time giving each one equal attention. I could feel her breathing pick up as I let my lips continue roaming her smooth skin, past her torso and to her stomach.

I continued singing against her skin, "Damn baby, you frustrate me…I know you're mine, all mine, but you look so good it hurts sometimes." She half sighed and half moaned as I sang against her stomach, my name escaping her lips in a breath.

I reached the hem of her panties and without hesitation began to tug them down, sliding them down her legs till they were off. I tossed them off to the side as I let my eyes focus on her fucking sweet pussy before me. She tried to timidly close her legs to hide herself from me but I wasn't having any of that as I grabbed her by the knees and pulled them apart again. I groaned at the sight of her glistening, her arousal clear before me and just waiting to be attended to.

Unable to hold back any longer, I darted my tongue out and ran it from bottom to top, lapping at her juices.

"Fuck," I muttered as her taste filled my mouth. Her knees began to relax but tensed up as soon as I let my tongue flick over her clit and tease it. One of her hands found its way into my hair, as I let my tongue work her clit. I slid two fingers into her slowly, feeling her stretch against my fingers the further I pushed in. She was so fucking tight, I had to fight back the thought of what my dick would feel like buried in her otherwise nothing would stop me from trying.

She let out a quick gust of air when I pulled my fingers out slowly then pushed them back in, giving her time to stretch for me. I hummed against her clit before removing my fingers and replacing them with my tongue.

"Oh… Edward!" she breathed as I thrust my tongue into her slowly, then back out, circling her entrance before pushing back in. I had to place a hand over her hip to hold her down when she began writhing against me, the sound of her breaths becoming quicker and louder.

My fingers entered her again, but this time in long, quick thrusts, wanting to bring her to her release. She began panting loudly, my name barely audible from her lips. She was close, so I curled my fingers inside of her and stroked her g-spot just as I flicked my tongue over her clit again. She cried out as her walls clamped down around my fingers, her body convulsing as she came. I licked up every bit of her, losing myself in her taste as she calmed back down.

I licked my lips as I slid myself back up so that I was face to face with her again. Her eyes opened slowly to meet mine, glazed over and bright. I leaned down and kissed her wanting her to taste herself because she tasted incredible. She hummed as I pulled back and buried my face into her neck, inhaling her scent.

"I love it when you sing to me." She whispered into my ear, her lips brushing against it sending a warm shiver to erupt through me. This girl was going to be the death of me.

I lifted my head to meet her eyes, "I just gave you a mind blowing orgasm yet all you can remember is my singing?" I asked, the sides of my mouth quirking into a smile.

She giggled, "Its not that, it's just your voice is so…" she bit her lip trying to find the right words, "it sends tingles down my spine." She chuckled as she added, "That sounded really corny but it's true."

"Corny?" I chuckled. "Yeah, maybe. And just so you know, John Mayer isn't someone I admit to listening to. He's got an alright voice but that's it. It's just that, that song seemed appropriate." I explained hoping she'd understand I wasn't into that fucker's music. "because this…" I said running a hand along her torso and palming her breast, "Is my fucking wonderland."

She grinned back at me, and leaned up to press a soft kiss to my lips.

We eventually fell asleep, curled up into one another. It was a shame that I couldn't have her in my bed every night like that. It was definitely something I could find myself getting used to.

I woke up a few hours later, my bed side clock informing me it was just past two in the morning. Patting the cold bed beside me, I realized Bella wasn't there. Furrowing my brows and muttering a 'fuck', I sat myself up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Where the fuck did she go?

Scrambling out of bed and pulling on my boxer shorts, I padded out of the room and out into the hall. I squinted against the dim light illuminating the hallway in a soft yellow glow. Low murmurs coming from Emmett's room caught my attention, leading me in that direction. His bedroom door was open and I tried not to glare at him when I found him sitting up in his bed, his back against the headboard, wearing nothing but some boxers and a wife beater. Bella was sitting Indian style by his legs, picking at her nails, her expression forlorn and serious. She had changed into a pair of flannel pants and a tank top. At the sound of me clearing my throat, her head snapped up in my direction, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Edward." She said forcing a smile to her face. My eyes darted over to Emmett who just smiled at me like nothing was going on, but the look of guilt on Bella's face had me suspicious.

"You weren't in bed." I said a little shortly to Bella, not meaning to sound so curt.

"I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep." She shrugged. "I was heading down to grab a glass of water but Emmett had just gotten home and he invited me in here and we kinda just lost track of time."

"Geez, cool it bro. I won't bite her." Emmett said waving me in. "Join us."

"I want to go back to bed. I'm tired as fuck." I said scrubbing a tired hand over my face. "You coming?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at Bella. She hesitated for a second before nodding and shifting off the bed.

"Thanks Emmett." She said smiling at him in thank you.

"Anytime BFF, I'm here." He said seriously. "We'll finish this tomorrow."

"Sure." Bella said coming to stand beside me. I slipped my hand into hers and tugged her against me, desperate for her warmth.

"Finish what tomorrow?" I asked looking between the two of them.

"None of your bees wax." Emmett answered quickly. "Go sleep. I'm beat." He said grabbing the top of the back of his wife beater and pulling it over his head and tossing it across the room. I didn't like the idea of him flaunting his beef in front of my girl but she didn't seem to be affected by it.

"Night, Emmett." She called over her shoulder as I shut the door behind us. I escorted us back to my room trying to beat down the nagging feeling I had that whatever they were talking about had to do with me.

Without a word I pulled her into bed with me and back under the covers. She snuggled into my side as I wrapped my arms around her, neither one of us saying anything to fill the silence that had encompassed us since leaving Emmett's room. You could feel the tension though, and I was sure as fuck she could tell I was pissed.

When I couldn't take it any longer I spoke, "What was it you two were discussing?" I tried to keep the edge out of my voice but knew I failed miserably.

I felt her tense every so slightly for a split second before she answered quietly, "Just stuff."

"About me?" I asked pulling her back enough so that I could look straight into her eyes.

She wouldn't meet my gaze, her eyes shutting as she answered. "I didn't go in to specifically speak about you but yes, conversation eventually trailed in that direction."

I chuckled darkly, "What about?"

"Nothing that-"

"What about, Bella?" I asked again a little more forcefully, cutting her off.

She hesitated before she whispered, "I'm just worried… that's all." It hurt to think she'd talk about me behind my back to my brother.

"So you go ratting out about me to my brother?" I snapped. "Un-fucking-believable." I said incredulously, releasing her and sitting up in bed. She sat herself up beside me so that she was facing me, looking hurt and worried. Her teeth were gnawing away at her bottom lip again.

"It wasn't like that." She said with a shake of her head.

"Then fucking enlighten me." I retorted.

"I was just asking about you that's all. I want to help you." She said, agitation leaking into her voice. She was beginning to lose her cool, I could see it. She moved onto her knees sitting back on her ankles, wringing her fingers anxiously in her lap.

"Then talk to _me_. Don't go fucking talking to my brother. I'm not some fucked up charity case that needs observation." I practically growled. She looked down into her lap but said nothing, and I immediately felt like a prick for snapping at her. But I hated feeling like this lab mouse that everyone observed, acting all secretive as they discussed my 'condition'. It was how it was in the beginning and nothing compares to the feeling of being treated like you're fucking zany.

"I'm sorry." She said lifting her gaze to meet mine and I could feel every bit of sincerity reflected in them. "I'm only trying to help you and trying to do it without feeling somewhat like a dictator."

"Don't treat me any differently." I said softly this time. "Just treat me like you always do. You just being _you_ is what helps me, Bella." I bore my gaze into hers, her lips parting slightly as she stared back. "It's the reason why…" I trailed off when I realized the words were right at the tip of my tongue, threatening to be spoken. I wasn't sure if I was ready to express just how much she meant to me. It was a terrifying thought to render myself vulnerable like that, because uttering those three words, will inevitably change things. And I don't know if I could bear it if she weren't to return them.

"The reason why, what?" She asked, pushing me to finish what I was going to say.

"Nothing." I said dismissively. "I'm tired as fuck… lets just sleep, ok?"

She lifted herself and kneed her way over to me till her chest was against my shoulder. She dragged a gentle hand through my hair, my head lolling into her palm as my eyes shut. Why was I feeling so overwhelmed by emotions so much lately? This wasn't me. I was never one to be led by emotions like this. But maybe that was because I've never felt anything remotely close to what I was feeling right now. Bella was like no other girl I'd ever met.

Her hand slipped down to cup my face and my hand came up to rest over hers, holding it in place. I turned my face into her hand and kissed her palm. She smiled softly at me then pushed me back to lie down, my unspoken words forgotten. I scooped her up like I always did and crushed her to me, wrapping my arms around her. I buried my face into her hair and just held her, needing that comfort she always so effortlessly provided as we drifted off into a slumber.

The dreams eventually came… they always did.

"Edward? Edward wake up."

I shot up with a startle, gasping for air. My eyes frantically searched the blackened room, sweat dripping down the back of my neck and my hair clung to my sticky forehead. I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm. My eyes snapped beside me to find Bella looking at me with worried and concerned eyes. I dropped my head into my hands, trying to compose myself and my hammering heart.

Bella's arms came around my damp sticky form, her lips pressing delicately to the side of my neck.

"The dreams…" she murmured … "I'm sorry." She whispered. I shook my head against her, trying to fight back the onslaught of emotion that always came after the dreams. She continued to hold me till I dropped my hands and lifted my head. I turned to face her, the sight of her concerned eyes overwhelming me even more.

"You alright?" she uttered quietly, brushing back my hair that stuck to my forehead.

"Yeah, just… fuck." I muttered with another shake of my head. I scrambled out of bed and grabbed my pack of cigarettes. Slipping one out, I walked over to my open window and sat myself against its sill. I lit my cigarette and took a much needed hit. It was the same routine every night. Every fucking night.

I looked over at Bella to see her sitting and staring at me to which she tried to force a smile. I signaled her over with a tilt of my head. She didn't hesitate sliding out of bed and padding over to me. I grabbed her by the hand and sat her in my lap as we both stared out the window and into the night sky, the sparkle of the stars above us providing a beautiful view.

We sat in silence as I smoked my cigarette, the peace of the moment just what I needed to help me overcome the effects of the dreams.

I flicked the butt of my cigarette out the window and nuzzled my face into Bella's hair, never wanting the moment to end.

It wasn't until ten the next morning that we were both woken up by some loud banging against my bedroom door. Groaning, Bella buried her face further into my chest as her hands came up to cup her ears from the sound.

"Fuck off." I croaked out sleepily. If I wasn't so tired I would have gotten up and beat the shit out of whoever was making that damned racket

"Open up, bro, or I'm coming in." Emmett boomed from the other side of the door which was followed by more banging.

"The doors locked…fuck off!" I yelled more loudly this time.

"You think I don't know how to pick the fucking lock?" He challenged. I froze for a second because he was right, he did know how to pick locks. He'd done it heaps of times over the years, mostly to get into Carlisle's office for booze.

"I'm ready to fucking kill him." I growled as I threw the covers off of me and dragged myself away from Bella. Scrubbing my hands roughly through my hair I thrust the door open and aggressively shoved Emmett back, causing him to stumble backwards.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I snapped.

"Fuck dude, chill. We're all heading out for breakfast… let's go. Get dressed."

"I don't want to go." I seethed as I gripped the door frame.

"Maybe Bella wants to. Have you thought of asking her?" I glanced over Emmett's shoulder to follow the sound of the snarky remark. Rosalie stood with her arms crossed over her chest with a raised perfectly arched eyebrow at me, awaiting my answer. She dropped hands and walked over to us. "Put some clothes on." She said acting disgusted by my appearance.

"You're lucky I'm even wearing boxers. I normally sleep in the nude." I smirked at her. "And don't act like you don't like what you see." I challenged with a cocked eyebrow. She rolled her eyes at me but said nothing. I felt Bella appear behind me, her arms coming around my waist as she tucked herself into my side. I glanced down at her and she still looked sleepy.

"It looks like you two had a sleepless night." Rosalie leered at Bella.

"Don't start." Bella said with a shake of her head.

"For the love of… fucking Christ, I'm hungry. Are we going to stand here all morning or are we going to go grab some breakfast. Cause I'll go on my own if none of you's want to come." Emmett said as he absentmindedly rubbed his stomach.

"Meet us downstairs in fifteen." Rosalie said before pushing Emmett away from the door and back down the hall.

Half an hour later, (yeah, I took my time on purpose) we were all heading out to the diner in Forks along with Jasper and Alice as well. We spoke of our Christmas and New Years plans. Bella was heading out to Seattle to spend a few days with her father for Christmas. I was supposed to be heading back to Seattle with Carlisle and Emmett as well but I wasn't sure I had it in me to head back so soon after the last fucked up trip. But I knew this time that if I did stay back, I'd be alone without my girl and I wanted nothing more than to spend Christmas with her. Maybe I could try and get her to stay back? It was unfair to suggest such a favor from her and not to mention selfish but it was worth a try.

A couple of hours later, Bella and I were back in my room, but only for a bit before she had to head to work. The rest of them wanted to go out to the mall but I wasn't really in the mood to hang out with them. I had distanced myself from them over the past few weeks. It wasn't intentional but I wasn't completely over what happened in Seattle. Images of Charlotte and her frail appearance flash repeatedly through my mind everyday. The pain shoots into my heart like a sting, a heaviness settling there, weighing me down with guilt and regret till I either numb it away with some Stolichnaya or distract myself with Bella. It was a coward's way out but I wasn't prepared for any other way to deal with it.

I watched her as she poked around in my bookcase, searching for something to read. I wanted to put a movie in, an excuse to cuddle her close to me but she had mentioned she was in the mood to read. I stared at her back, the way her jeans hugged her small tight ass perfectly. The way her hair hung down to the middle of her back in shiny waves. There was no way I could comprehend another few days without her, it would be torture. It was scaring the fuck out of me just how much I relied on her. I've never relied on anyone before, let alone a girl.

"Hey," I said trying to sound casual, in an attempt to grasp her attention.

"Hmm?" She hummed in response as she continued to flick through some books.

"How often do you visit your dad?" I asked, keeping my tone informal. That seemed to capture her attention. She turned to face me, her brows pulled together in puzzlement by my random question.

"Err, usually the holidays. Christmas, Easter, normally Thanksgiving apart from this year. Umm… summer break I spend about two weeks with him. Why?"

I slid my eyes away from hers, already feeling the guilt creep up at the suggestion I was about to make.

"Bella, I don't think I can go back to Seattle." I said simply, meeting her eyes again. Her face fell, worry etching its way into her features as she stared back at me. "Don't fucking look at me like that." I warned.

She bit her lip in hesitation before she spoke, "You want me to stay here with you." She stated like it was the most obvious thing, certainly picking up where I was going with my questioning.

"Yeah, and I don't fucking expect you to agree to stay here and stay away from your father. It's fucking Christmas, for fucks sake. You need to be with him. Just ignore me. I'll figure my shit out." I shrugged, raising myself from the couch and snatching my pack of cigarettes from the top of the dresser. But as I turned toward the door, Bella grabbed me by the arm and tugged me back around to face her.

"Are you always going to run away when things get tough?" She accused. Her tone wasn't harsh, in fact she asked me softly. But I could tell from the look in her chocolate eyes that she was completely serious.

"I'm not running away." I retorted defensively.

She let my hand drop as she said, "Then what would you call it?"

I cursed my brain for not coming up with an appropriate response. Maybe because I knew exactly that what I was doing was running away, no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

"You know Edward," She began staring down at her feet briefly before meeting my eyes again. "Running away doesn't solve anything. You know I'm here and I don't know just how clear I need to make that to you, but I mean it with every ounce of my heart."

"I know." I replied dejectedly.

"Do you really?" She asked, a tinge of sadness to her voice.

"Yes, I do know. I know you want to help me but how can you, if I can't even help myself?" I questioned.

"Because we're in this together." She replied firmly as she fisted her hands into the front of my t-shirt.

"Fuck, I know." I sighed, growing irritated with myself. "Come here." I said grabbing her by the arm and pulling her against my chest. I buried my face into the crook of her neck and just settled there, basking in the comfort that she always provided.

"So, do you want me to stay with you for Christmas?" She asked. I shook my head against her before pulling back to look at her face.

"Can we forget I suggested anything… just for now? You have to get to work." I said glancing at my wrist watch.

"Alright," She agreed leaning up to kiss my jaw.

We filed into my car ten minutes later after Bella had gathered her stuff. I dropped her off outside the front of the store where Mrs. Newton greeted her with a huge smile and then led her inside. I felt that familiar pang at the sight of a mother that always inevitably came but before I could dwell on it, I pulled the car away from the curb and gunned it down the street.

I was back at home before I knew it. Carlisle was in the kitchen making a sandwich when I entered. I was hoping for a bee line toward the stairs but he called me and the tone of his voice made me stop in my tracks. We still weren't really speaking apart from the essential basic chatter. Our relationship has never really flourished, it's just the way I've always known it.

I leaned my hands against the edge of the bench and waited for him to speak. He wiped his hands with a kitchen towel before he spoke.

"I haven't seen much of you lately." He stated glancing at me thoughtfully.

"I've been busy." I replied dryly.

"Hmm," he didn't seem impressed by my lack of enthusiasm. "I see things are serious between you and Bella. She's a very nice girl." He said, slipping himself into a bar stool in front of his sandwich.

"She is."

"She's good for you."

"Don't I know it."

"Don't screw it up." He said firmly before taking a bit of his sandwich. I narrowed my eyes at him not impressed with the topic.

"Can I go now?"

"Can't I chat with my son? Why does there always have to be a reason for me to strike up a conversation?

"We've never just chatted, you know that. We're not like that." He seemed to flinch slightly from the harshness of my words but quickly composed himself, taking another bite of his sandwich, his eyes focused solely on the bench.

"If that's how you feel, you can go now." He said clearing his throat and forcing a smile my way. I stared at him, feeling a little guilty for what I said but it wasn't enough to keep me there. Without a word I took the stairs up to my room.

I stripped out of my shirt and toed off my shoes and socks, leaving me in just my jeans. I sat on the edge of my bed and laid myself back, leaving my legs to hang off the edge. A hand went to my hair, stroking lazily through the mess.

I wasn't really sure what to make of my life at the moment. Things remained fucked up which was almost the norm for me. The only aspect of my life that I could find some peace in was my relationship with Bella. In her presence, I feel like I could subjugate anything. All the obstacles, all the fuck ups… everything. It was a comforting thought, one that eased the intensity of all the shit going on. That was probably what was keeping me from the drugs. I felt somewhat whole again, like all the issues I had going on were insignificant. They were minor matters that could be forgotten about because Bella made everything ok.

I sighed frustration, my fingers continuing to rake lazily through my hair. My eyes drifted closed in fatigue and I turned my head to the side, wanting nothing more than for sleep to take me. My lack of sleep at night was really starting to fuck me up and take its toll.

I forced my eyes open and they caught my guitar hanging on the wall. It still hurt to look at. It held way too many memories that I wasn't fond of resurfacing at the moment.

But my guitar, used to be my outlet for my emotions. I used to pour it out into my music, something I hadn't done since Peter's death. I shut my eyes and turned my head the other way, willing to ignore it. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't fight its presence, as if it was calling me... begging to be played. My fingers twitched, the urge to play growing inside of me till it was too hard to fight. I sat up in bed and scrubbed my hands over my face.

I did miss playing, that was undeniable. It was my vent, my therapy. I never enjoyed anything more than playing Daisy. I tentatively stood up from the bed and with a deep breath, determinedly walked over to the wall where she hung. I stood before it and stared at her. I hadn't touched her since hanging her up when we first moved. It didn't mean I ever forgot about her. I could never forget something so significant to me. It was a part of who I was… used to be a huge part of who I was. It was how I used to define myself, through my music. Now I feel like I don't even know that part of me anymore.

Taking a deep shuddering breath, I hesitantly raised my hands and grasped her gently from the lower bout, lifted her slightly and pulled her away from the wall off its hook. The surge of emotion that washed over me almost left me gasping for air but I fought it down, not willing to let it cripple me. I wanted to do this.

I used one hand to grab her from her neck and carried her over back to my bed. I dropped myself back onto the edge of my bed and laid her on her side horizontally across my lap, draping my right arm over the sound board. I let my fingers hang over the strings, not completely resting on them even though the itch to fondle them was overwhelming.

My left hand came out from underneath, my fingers wrapping around her neck delicately. I flexed my fingers a few times, warming them up and psyching myself to let them rest against the strings. I sat like that holding Daisy, unmoving for an unknown length of time. My fingers flexing, twitching as I reveled in the feel of its hard body against my lap and chest. It felt right. I hadn't realized how much I missed playing. I felt a part of me come back, settling within me comfortingly.

Taking a deep breath, I made use of my fingers and began to play a few chords, warming up my fingers and letting it all come back to me. The joy that surged through my veins was exhilarating and I channeled that adrenaline and poured it into my fingers, picking up the tempo as I began to play 'Green _day's, Time of your life'._ It was the song I always used to warm up to, it was easy and one of the first songs I learnt to play on the guitar because of its basic tune.

I let my emotions take hold of me as I played, the soft tune filling up the silent space of my room, wrapping around me like a warm blanket. This was me and it was starting to all come back.

I played the entire song, enjoying the way my fingers danced over the strings like I had never stopped playing. Satisfied, I started another tune right on its tail, '_The Killer's, Mr. Brightside'_ which picked up the tempo from the previous one, allowing me to completely throw myself into it. I started singing the words softly as I went, allowing my voice to warm up.

I finished off and sat almost dumbfounded with myself at how easy it had been to get back into it. It had been two years since I played any sort of instrument or even looked at a music sheet. I wished Bella was here to have witnessed it, she'd be so happy for me and I would have loved nothing more than to show her this side of me.

A song that I had heard a few days earlier that reminded me of Bella and I, popped into my head. It wasn't really a song suitable for guitar but more for a piano but I decided to attempt it. It wouldn't be easy but I was determined to at least try. I carefully lifted Daisy off my lap and placed her gently on the bed beside me. I raised myself from the bed and walked over to my desk where my iPod sat. Picking it up, I scrolled through my songs till I found it and made my way over to my stereo where I plugged it into the dock, setting the song to play on repeat softly.

I grabbed my old composition book from the bottom draw of my desk, where it was stuffed beneath a lot of other shit, out of sight. Opening it up to a fresh page and grabbing a pen I sat myself back down on the bed, placed the open book on the bed beside me and cradled Daisy back in my lap. I listened to the song, studied it, jotted down notes and chords and practiced and practiced.

That's how I spent the rest of my evening. I immersed myself into my music with thoughts of Bella and I. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so free.

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**I want to write an outtake for Through His Eyes and my beta and I figured the best way to do that was to ask you all what you'd like to read about? Any suggestions as to what type of outtake you'd like to see would be great and much help to me! I'll mention the top 3 suggestions next chapter for everyone to pick from.**

**Follow me on twitter (link of my profile page) if you're up for a silly time or just some chapter teasers... either way, i'd love to have you.**

**I'm one of the judges for the **Long Distance Lovin' Contest.** We're after one shots, canon/non canon pairings, where your two lovers must do the deed via some mode of technology... skyping, phone sexing, sexting... any mode just as long as there is no hands-on action going on unless its the solo kind, if you know what I mean.**

**Submissions started 1 June so you still have lots of time... get a move on!  
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**Further information can be found here... ****www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~longdistancelovincontest**

**Look forward to hearing from you!  
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	27. Sunshine After the Rain

**A/N- Big thanks to my beta luv4jake, you know you rock! The greatest thanks to my wonderful readers for sticking with me. I apologise for not responding to all the reviews last chapter, RL has just been a little hectic for me in the past few weeks.**

**Twitter WP - Thanks for all the good times! Follow me on Twitter for Teasers and some crazy times!**

**Stormyinco and Debbliss - Without your encouragement, I wouldn't here writing this story, love you!**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. I own my favorite pair of jeans.

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**BPOV**

I stuffed the last of my things into my duffle bag and roughly zipped it up. Slinging it over my shoulder, I made a last quick check of my room, making sure I had packed everything I needed and then headed downstairs.

"Someone's eager." Mum smirked at me as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I rolled my eyes as I mindlessly dropped my bag by the stairs and went to join her in the kitchen.

"I like to be early." I mumbled as I took a seat at the kitchen table. She shook her head at me but said nothing as she set a plate of toast in front of me. That was about all Renee could ever make.

"You do know I'm still not completely comfortable with the idea of you riding with Edward." She said pointedly, grabbing her mug of coffee and taking a seat opposite me. I cocked an eyebrow at her as I spread a generous amount of jam onto my toast.

"Then why did you let me?" I asked curiously.

"Do you want me to take it back?" she challenged, fighting back a smile.

"No!" I responded a little too eagerly earning me a chuckle from her.

"Its just I prefer your boyfriend driving, over you driving by yourself." She explained before taking a sip of her coffee. "We've had the all important talk-"

"Mum…" I groaned, shutting my eyes and cringing.

"Oh, don't be like that." She said waving a hand at me. "This trip will leave you with hours to yourselves."

"Are you forgetting Charlie in all of this? And Dr. Cullen?" I mumbled around a mouthful of toast.

"No, but Charlie will have work during the day, he only managed to take Christmas day off." She stated, her tone disapproving. "And Dr. Cullen…" she drifted off, seeming unsure of what to say to that.

"Don't worry mum, you have nothing to worry about."

"Morning, Bella." Phil greeted me as he strolled into the kitchen. He rounded the table to where Renee sat, leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips, my mum humming softly as he did. I diverted my attention to my plate of toast, suddenly losing my appetite.

"Seattle today, huh?" Phil asked, pouring himself a mug of coffee.

"Mhm." I responded with a nod of my head.

"You know to call us as soon as you arrive at your fathers, yeah?" He reminded me.

"Mhm." I replied again, hating it when he took that kind of authority with me. I noticed Renee give me a sharp glance at my rudeness. So taking a calming breath, I forced a smile onto my face and responded a little more politely, "Of course, Phil. How could I forget?" He nodded at me before making his way into the lounge.

Renee had eventually told Phil about Edward and I. He couldn't say anything, he had no right to and Renee assured him that I was old enough to make the right decisions about who I dated. He didn't seem all too impressed with the news but Renee left him with no room for arguing.

The one thing that he didn't know was that I was in fact heading to Seattle with Edward… alone. We had twisted the truth and told him that Dr. Cullen would be driving Emmett, Edward and I to Seattle, when in fact Dr. Cullen and Emmett weren't leaving till tomorrow morning.

A knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts just as Phil called out that he'd answer it. I recognized Jacob's voice a few moments later as Phil greeted him. I stood up from my seat just as they rounded the corner.

"Hey, Jake!" I grinned as I let him engulf me into a tight hug.

"Good morning," he smiled back as he let me go. "I came to say an early Merry Christmas since I won't see you for a few days." I watched as he tucked his hand into the inside of his jacket and pulled out a little pink box. "So, Merry Christmas!" He smiled widely.

"Oh, Jake… thank you." I said leaning up to kiss his cheek before taking the offered box. He watched me intently as I lifted the lid off the small box and found a silver chain with a baby pink 'B' pendant nestled in the black velvet. My wide eyes met his in shock.

"I guess the other one was getting kinda old." He smiled sheepishly, "So I got you a new one but better." He concluded still watching me. My eyes welled up with tears but I blinked them back quickly. It took me back to the moment when we were 10 years old and he gifted me the first pendant and chain.

"Thank you, so much." I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him to me, this was the Jacob I loved and I had thoroughly missed him.

"Turn around, let me put it on." He said taking the chain and pendant out of the box. I turned my back to him and lifted my hair over one shoulder. He brought his hands around the front of me and linked the chain at the back of my neck. "There." He said.

I let my hair fall back and turned to face him, my fingers immediately fingering the pendant where it lay just below my collarbone.

"It looks really good. That's my Bella." He said as his eyes darted back and forth between my eyes and the necklace.

"Let me go get you your gift, wait just a second." I said hurriedly as I turned for the stairs and darted up them. I hurried back down clutching Jacob's gift in my hand and held it out for him.

"Merry Christmas!" I exclaimed. He smirked as he took the box from me and began to rip the wrapping off excitedly.

"Shit… you didn't!" He said with a grin. I had gotten him a model of the Rabbit he was fixing up. It was a collectable and cost a little more than I had wanted but I was guaranteed he'd love it. And that he did.

"This is awesome, thanks Bella." He said pulling me into another hug and lifting me off the floor slightly.

He stayed back for a bit and had some breakfast which I offered to make for him because I knew toast for Jake wouldn't be enough on its own. So I fried up a few eggs and set them on the toast for him.

Phil and Renee sat with us while Jake ate. Phil and Jake seemed to get on really well which I could never understand but they just seemed to click.

Ten minutes after Jake left, my phone rang.

_Beautiful… I just want you to know, (oh, hooo!) You're my favorite girl… (Eh…oh yeah, there's something about you.)_

At the sound of my phone, I jumped up from my seat, thankful for the escape from Renee and Phil PDAs and darted over to where it sat by the sink.

**I'll be outside in 5 minutes. **

Unable to hold back the grin at the message, I shoved my phone into my back pocket and hurried over to grab my bag from the bottom of the stairs.

"He's here, I gotta go." I said to Renee as I made my way to the door.

"Hold on," she called out as she followed me. I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face her. "Aren't you going to say bye?" She asked expectantly.

"Of course." I said smiling guilty as I wrapped my arms around her for a tight hug.

"Be safe and have fun, baby." She said kissing the top of my head. I nodded in response before thrusting the door open and darting down the porch steps and into the cold. Winter had definitely kicked in full force over the past few days, sending a sharp chill in the air. I hadn't realized how cold it was as I wrapped my cardigan closer around my torso just as Edward pulled up to the curb.

He put the car in park but left the engine running as he removed himself from behind the wheel and stepped out of the car. I grinned at him as I dropped my duffle by my feet and threw my arms around his neck. His arms didn't hesitate in circling my waist as he pulled me against him. I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me at the feel of being back in the warmth of his arms.

"Ready to go?" He muttered into my hair. I nodded as I pulled back enough to look at him. He was grinning at me, his expression happy and carefree but I could see a deep sadness and worry buried deep in his eyes. I knew he was skeptical about this trip, all considering. But he had reassured me numerous times that he wasn't going to be a coward and stay back away from me and his family at Christmas. I was proud of him for facing his demons but was a little worried that maybe he wasn't ready for it just yet.

He leaned down to kiss me but I quickly turned my head so that his lips met my cheek.

"Your mum's watching, isn't she?" He mumbled into my ear. I shivered at the feel of his warm breath on me.

"Yep, she is." I answered. He groaned as he pulled back, his eyes watching over my head at the house. "You won't see her, she's stealthy like that." I chuckled.

"I bet she is." He said dryly. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair as he let go of me but then froze as his eyes zoned in on my neck, or more specifically my necklace. His eyes met mine questioningly.

"Jake. He was here a little while ago to exchange Christmas gifts. He replaced the broken pendant." I explained warily.

"It's nice. Looks good on you." He said dryly before turning to open my door and gesturing for me to climb in. With a roll of my eyes at his attitude, I slipped into the car and into its warmth.

I watched as he picked up my duffle from where I had carelessly tossed it and throw it in the trunk of the car. He slipped in behind the wheel, put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb, thrusting his foot against the gas pedal and flying down the street.

"So when are Emmett and your dad, driving down?" I asked a couple of minutes into our drive.

"Emmett is driving down tomorrow afternoon with Carlisle. Carlisle had work and Emmett wanted to spend as much time with Rosalie as he could before he headed off. He's only going to be away from her for three days, if that, all together." He said disgustingly with a shake of his head. "Fucking pussy. The motherfucker is whipped and he doesn't even know it."

"Did you forget the reason why you're with me right now?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at him. His eyes flickered from the road to me briefly before he let out a long groan.

"I guess I'm fucking pussy whipped too then." He said with a shake of his head. "What the fuck have you done to me?" He sighed almost to himself. I chuckled as I settled myself comfortably into my seat ready for the long drive.

"I can't wait for you to meet my cousin Heidi, you'll love her. She's very much like Alice, actually." He mentioned after a long bout of silence.

"She sounds cool."

He chuckled, "Yeah, I guess _cool_ could work."

The rest of the drive was spent in comfortable conversation talking about everything and anything. It was nice just being ourselves, in a little bubble where for a few short hours we had no problems, no shadows of the past or present looming over us. We were just Edward and Bella.

We made one quick stop for some lunch at a fast food drive thru before we were back on the road and off to Charlie's house. Charlie had taken the afternoon off work to welcome me home but I knew he would be back at work tomorrow.

Edward followed the directions I gave him till we were one street away from Charlie's house. I furrowed my brows in confusion when he parked on the side of an empty road and turned to me.

"Do I get a kiss goodbye?" He asked, smiling crookedly at me and making my stomach knot in pleasure.

"It's not a good bye but yes you get a kiss." I said. His features softened before he leaned forward and wove his fingers through my hair. His lips met mine softly at first but it didn't take long for the kiss to turn urgent. His tongue was in my mouth before I could register anything, mingling with my mine fervently. He groaned as he kissed me, his hand moving to the back of my head where he locked me in place, unable for me to pull back.

I raised my hand and gently grasped his forearm to try and pry it away from my head. He reluctantly let go, his lips leaving mine with a quick breath.

"I'm sorry." He said, clearing his throat. His voice was deep and full of emotion. He stared straight ahead out the wind shield, scrubbing both his hands through his hair. Without another word he started the car and pulled away.

I wasn't sure what he was feeling or thinking but I knew it may partially have to do with leaving me and facing the memories on his own.

It hurt to leave him, even if it was only possibly going to be just for a short few hours. I hated that I couldn't stay with him, absolutely hated it.

We reached Charlie's humble small house in silence. I looked out my window as we pulled up, not surprised to see the house still the looked exactly the same as it had 6 years ago when he first moved in.

"Do you want to come in? You can hang out with Charlie and me."I offered genuinely. "He won't mind."

"I'm sure your father would like to spend some time alone with his daughter."

"He won't mind. Come." I pleaded.

"Bella, I don't do well with parents. We'll just meet up tonight, ok?" He replied apologetically.

"Ok, I'll try my best."

"I know."

"Where are you off to now?" I asked, brushing a hand through my hair to tame what I'm sure was a mess after my kiss with Edward.

"Might go past my Aunt's." He responded, shrugging a shoulder. "Hang out with them and Heidi."

"Ok, well I'll see you tonight." I said giving him a smile. He nodded in agreement as I climbed out of the car. I grabbed my bag from his trunk and waved him goodbye before making my way to the front door.

The door swung open after a few knocks to reveal Charlie. I hadn't realized just how much I had missed him.

"Hey, Bells!" He smiled slightly, his eyes dancing with happiness.

"Hey, dad!" I stepped inside and dropped my duffle to the floor as he shut the door behind me. Without hesitation I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight. It was no secret that I was closer to Charlie than I was to Renee. It may have been from the fact that I was a lot like him and possibly because of what I knew he suffered when he and Renee divorced. I knew the decision was mainly one sided.

"Its good to have you back, Bells." He said pulling back and clearing his throat uncomfortably.

He led me to the spare room that he had and gave me a few moments to get settled in. I called Renee to let her know I arrived safely before I headed downstairs to sit with Charlie. I joined him in front of the TV where he sat with a beer clutched in one hand. We spoke occasionally, where he asked about school and life back in Forks, the people he missed and all that jazz. It was comfortable and relaxing.

I was surprised that when I got up to make dinner that I actually came across some food apart from beer in the fridge. I knew Charlie didn't cook, he was worse than Renee in that department. But he ended up explaining to me that he had gone out that morning and stocked up on what he thought I could use to make dinner. I had to work with what he had, which wasn't much to be honest so dinner ended up simply being steak with oven roasted potatoes.

After dinner, Charlie retired to the couch with another beer while I cleaned up. He told me he would have to go to work the next day but would be back home by six for Christmas Eve dinner.

By nine he was struggling to stay awake and after much encouragement that I'd be fine, he agreed to go to sleep.

"If you don't mind, actually, I was just thinking of heading out for a bit." I mentioned cautiously as he raised himself from the couch. He looked at me in surprise for a second before he spoke.

"Where are you going?" He asked as he checked his watch, "It's just past nine." He said with a raised eyebrow.

"Edward." I said hesitantly. I hadn't planned on telling him that, but he kind of put me on the spot. To be honest, I had not expected him to question me on where I was going at all.

"Edward?" He questioned. I nodded. "The boy that drove you here?" I nodded again. "Huh. Renee told me about him. Where are you going to go?"

"He's at his cousin's place, thought I just might hang out there with them." I explained. I could hear the hope dripping from my voice.

"Ok," he agreed slowly, tentatively, "I give you till eleven."

"Renee gives me till midnight." I said biting my lip and hoping I wasn't pushing my luck.

"That's Renee. I'm Charlie." He said with a smirk. "Eleven." He repeated firmly before turning for the stairs and to his room. Breathing a sigh of relief I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a text to Edward to pick me up.

xxx-xxx

"Oh my God, you're so pretty!"

Edward chuckled at his cousin's enthusiasm as I blushed at her compliment, murmuring a quiet thank you in return. She was beautiful herself with long blonde hair and the same piercing emerald eyes as Edward's, except hers were bigger and rounder.

"I've heard so much about you!" She gushed from the back seat of Edward's car. I twisted in my seat so that I could see her properly.

"Oh really?" I asked, looking at Edward questioningly.

"Shut up, Heidi." He said uncomfortably. "Ow! Fuck, Heidi!" He snapped, when she punched him in the arm.

"Don't tell me to shut up." She said before turning back to me.

"Excuse her Bella, she fucking nagged me to no end so she could come with me to pick you up. What a mistake that was."

"I was anxious to meet her." She defended. Edward shook his head but said nothing. "Anywaaays," she dragged out, giving Edward a pointed look. "Have you lived in Forks your whole life?" She asked, turning her attention back to me.

And that's how we spent the ride to Edward's Aunt's place, with me talking about my childhood, even Jake, much to Edward's obvious dismay. But Heidi was asking all the questions so I had no other choice but to be polite and answer them all.

We dropped her off back home and Edward decided last minute he didn't want to go inside, so he promised her he'd bring me over the following day to spend time with her. Edward just seemed impatient to get me alone. I wasn't complaining.

It was pretty much silence on the way to his house, and when we finally arrived it was pouring rain outside. We had to jump out of the car and quickly dart up the driveway to the porch to avoid getting too wet.

"Fuck this weather." Edward grumbled as he unlocked the front door. I followed him inside, wrapping my arms around my torso from the cold. "This is it." He said gesturing with his hand around the house, flicking on lights as he went. He led me in and I followed with observant eyes. The house was much bigger than their house back in Forks. It was more lavish and done up. Marble floors, warm colored painted walls, mirrors, oil paintings, expensive rugs and furnishings. You could feel the feminine touch in this one that was dramatically lacking in their home in Forks.

"It's really beautiful." I said when we reached the lounge as Edward turned a few lamps on and switched off the main lightings, enveloping the room in a soft yellow glow.

"My mother designed and furnished the house." He said quietly, standing beside me.

"She was a decorator?"

"Interior Designer, to be exact. She loved what she did and I guess it shows in her work." He explained.

I walked over to the chimney mantle where a few photo frames sat. I had a close look at each one, smiling when I saw the ones of Edward as a kid.

"Look at you!" I grinned. The picture I looked at was one of him dressed as a fireman, clad from head to toe. He wore a yellow helmet and held a hose in one hand. His face was graced with the most beautiful toothy grin and his eyes were lit with excitement. He would have been about eight years old or so in it. Beside him stood Emmett, his arm thrown over Edward's shoulder and crushing him to his side. Emmett was laughing at the camera, dressed as what looked like a boxer with the boxing shorts, red boxing gloves and a long boxer's robe with the hood up on his head. He was surprisingly skinny in the shot, his ribs poking through his chest.

I felt Edward stand behind me, looking over my shoulder at the photos. My eyes darted over the next few, one of Carlisle and who I assumed to be Edward's mother, Esme. The one after was of Edward and Emmett, each sitting in Esme's lap on each side of her. They were both kissing a side of her cheek as she laughed.

"She was beautiful." I said quietly into the silence that lingered. I could see where Edward's looks came from, the green eyes, dark eyelashes, fair skin and bronze hair.

"She was." He said from behind me, his voice heavy with emotion. I turned around and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his chest.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

He kissed the top of my head but said nothing. His hand slipped into mine, as he let go of me and guided me toward the stairs.

"Hang on." I said, stopping dead in my tracks when my eyes landed on a sleek black grand piano sitting just near the stairs in a large open space. I turned to Edward with eager eyes, "Can you play for me?"

His eyes darted between me and the piano a few times as he scrubbed his hands through his hair, seeming hesitant to play.

"You don't have to." I said noticing his discomfort. "I just-"

"I'll play." He said suddenly with a nod of determination, pulling me by the hand to the piano. I followed eagerly, excited to see this side of him.

He slid into the small bench and patted the space beside him for me to sit. I slipped in and locked my hands together and tucked them between my knees, fighting back my anticipation at watching him play.

"I'll just warn you, it's been a really long time since I played." He said, lightly resting his slender fingers over the keys. I nodded but said nothing.

His fingers brushed over the keys lightly a few times, without playing, as if he was trying to remember some tune. His chest rose with a deep breath before the first note filtered into the air around us. As soon as that first note echoed into the empty house, I was mesmerized. The way his fingers danced over the keys so effortlessly and delicately, the music seemed to fill the air with charged electricity. I couldn't draw my eyes away from him, he looked beautiful. His eyes focused on his fingers, his mouth in a set pout as he let the music consume us both. I recognized the tune as Claire de Lune, and the warmth that spread through me was undeniable.

He looked over at me at one point, his playing never faltering from their work, as he smiled lovingly at me. At least that's what it looked like and after his near slip last week in his bedroom, all I could do was hope that it was true. But I could just be reading too much into things, which I always tended to do.

He finished off with a graceful diminuendo, his fingers slipping off the keys and into his lap.

"Wow!" I breathed, unable to form any other sentence. "That was… you're really good." I managed to say. He chuckled lightly as he scooted himself back and patted the small patch of bench between his legs.

"Sit here." He said.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Just sit here, come." He said patting my leg. I tentatively rose from my spot and nestled myself between his legs, my back against his chest. His arms came around either side of me to rest on the keys of the piano, his chin above my shoulder.

"Put your hands on the keys."

"What?" I asked again.

"Just do it, Bella." He said with sigh.

"I'll break it." I said seriously.

"No, you won't."

"I will, you don't know me, I don't-" But before I could finish ranting, he pried my right hand from its grip on my knee and raised it to rest over the keys.

"Watch this." He said.

He played a few notes which sounded like the beginning of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' with his left hand slowly. He repeated the notes about four times, then casually said, "Your go."

"You can't be serious." I said shaking my head, my heart beating rapidly, partly from Edward's close proximity and partly from the fear of screwing up his piano. He growled in frustration and I hated to admit but the sound went straight between my legs.

"Watch me again, I'll do it 2 more times then I want you to try. There's nothing to this shit, its seven notes." He said encouragingly. Well, 'this shit' took me ten minutes to pick up, making him repeat it a total of nine times before I managed to play it without making any mistakes. And I have to say, it sounded nothing compared to how he played it.

"How bout we agree that I suck and stop embarrassing me." I muttered dropping my hand back into my lap with defeat.

"You don't suck." He said against my neck where he placed a soft delicate kiss. I lolled my head back against his chest and just relaxed into him. His hands came around my waist, slipping under my hoodie and rubbing slowly along my stomach. My skin broke out into goose bumps.

"Heidi seems lovely." I said after a while of silence.

"She is great. As much as she gets on my fucking nerves at times, I love the shit out of her. She has such a gentle heart on her, very forgiving. Sees the good in everyone."

His fingers continued to dance over my skin, leaving a fire in their wake as I bit back the urge to moan.

"Let's watch a movie." I suggested twisting in his lap so that I could see his face. I needed something to distract me from the feel of his fingers.

"Ok." he agreed.

I made my way to the lounge after he said he'd follow me shortly. I went to the TV cabinet where all the DVDs sat and scanned through them quickly, picking out the first movie that seemed remotely good. I pulled out 'Casino' and set it aside so Edward could pop it in when he came back.

He walked into the lounge a few moments later holding two glasses of what looked like coke, but I knew him better that that. He handed one to me and when I took it off him I immediately took a sniff of it.

"Not surprised?" He asked with a smirk.

"Nope." I replied before taking a sip. I shuddered as I felt the burn coat my throat. He chuckled before downing half his glass.

He popped the movie in then took a seat beside me on the couch where I snuggled into his side. He lit a cigarette as he got comfortable and the movie began.

By the time the movie was finished I was feeling sleepy and slightly tipsy. Edward removed himself from the couch and I missed the warmth of his body straight away. He switched the DVD off and let it play on some random TV show. I took that time to lie down on the couch and curled into a ball, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep.

"As much as I hate to, I have to take you back to your dad's." Edward whispered into my ear. I groaned and forced myself to sit up, rubbing my sleepy eyes. "You're such a light weight." He teased.

"Shut up." I grumbled.

"Come on, baby, let's get you home."

To be honest, when I woke up the following morning I had no memory of leaving Edward's place and arriving back home. All I knew was that I was in my bed beneath the covers and still in my clothes. A quick glance at the bedside clock told me it was just past nine in the morning. Charlie would have already left for work.

Lugging myself out of bed, I went straight for the shower, hoping to rid myself of yesterday's activities. I stripped and stepped into the shower, loving the heat of the water as it cascaded down my body soothingly.

Back in my room, I scoured my duffle for my favorite pair of skinny jeans and suede black jacket. I pulled them on quickly, matched them with my chucks and darted downstairs for breakfast.

Like I had expected, the house was empty and after a quick inspection of the fridge and pantry I realized Pop Tarts were going to be my breakfast.

Just as I was finishing up my breakfast, there was a knock at the door. I jumped out of my seat and went to answer it knowing it would be Edward. And it was, standing there with a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips as he held a tray with two coffees in his hands.

"Morning, baby." He mumbled around the cigarette, his eyes squinting from the smoke that rose from it.

"Good morning." I grinned. He reached up with one hand and removed the cigarette from his mouth as he exhaled long and slow.

"Are you ready to get going?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Just give me a second." I said quickly as I rushed back inside, grabbed my wallet and phone then locked up behind me.

I drank my coffee in his car as we headed into town as Edward had mentioned he wanted to take me to the Seattle Public Library. I could see his eyes glancing at me occasionally and mostly at the cup of coffee I held in my hands. I sighed and placed it back in the tray knowing he was paranoid about me spilling it.

I'd been to the Seattle Library a few times and the smell of the place never failed to send a rush of exhilaration through me.

Finishing off our coffees quickly, we headed inside and went straight for the English literature section and the New York Times best sellers list. Edward just followed me around, scanning briefly through books occasionally as we went. Once I realized I'd been in the books section way too long, Edward took me to the 'Arts, Film and Music' sector of the Library. I listened intently as he told me about the different genres of music he liked and his love for classical music - which honestly, I found surprising. I listened with fascination as he spoke, at the way his eyes were bright with excitement and the way he spoke with so much passion. I could clearly see how music was such a big part of him and I was grateful for have been given the chance to get a glimpse of that the night before.

We somehow ended up in the 'Photographs and Images' sector and I couldn't fight the excitement that bubbled up inside of me. He knew about my love for photography so he encouraged me to take a look around at my own pace.

It wasn't until my stomach growled with hunger that we both realized we'd been in there for a couple of hours. I blushed in embarrassment as Edward chuckled at my expense and then suggested we go grab some lunch before heading over to his Aunt's place.

Some burgers and fries later we were pulling up outside his Aunt's place and to say I was nervous would have been an understatement. I had no idea what I was nervous about but it kind of felt like meeting his Aunt would be equivalent to meeting his mother. I knew how much she meant to him so her opinion of me mattered.

Edward ushered me up the driveway with his hand clasped in mind in support and knocked on the door. His hand had just dropped back to his side when the door swung open and Heidi stood before us grinning widely.

"Finally!" She exclaimed as she threw her self onto me and embraced me into a bone crushing hug.

"Fuck, Heidi. Go easy on the girl." Edward muttered.

"Sorry!" She pulled back from me and smiled sheepishly. "Come in!" She gestured for us to walk in and I refused to let go of Edward's hand as we stepped inside.

"When's Emmett arriving?" Heidi asked as she led the way through their house.

"Fuck if I know. He should be here soon." Edward explained running his free hand through his hair.

We reached the kitchen, the smell of Christmas and roasts and drippings filling the air. My eyes caught - who I presumed was Liz - chopping up some onions by the stove. She turned at the sound of our foot steps as we entered and smiled at us warmly.

"This must be Bella." She said to Edward, her eyes never leaving me.

"Yeah, ah… this is her." Edward said a little uncomfortably.

"Such a pleasure to meet you." She smiled as she stepped forward and hugged me gently.

"Like wise." I responded, smiling back.

"You have to stay for dinner." She said grasping my hand in between both of hers. "We have so much food. We'd love to have you with us."

I looked over at Edward briefly, silently asking for help so I wouldn't sound rude refusing the offer but he seemed to be hopeful of the invitation as well.

"Thank you for the invitation but I'll be having dinner with my dad." I said apologetically.

"Oh, of course." She said. "Has he lived long in Seattle?"

"Six years, after he and my mother divorced." I replied.

We continued to chat in the kitchen as she cooked, mostly about Edward, to which he stood and grumbled about before Heidi came back in and stole us away. She introduced me to her boyfriend, Jared, who appeared to be really polite. The four of us had just settled in front of the TV with some drinks when Emmett's voice boomed into the room.

"And the party don't start till I walk in…" He sang grinning at us. Edward groaned as Heidi stood up to hug him.

"Get over yourself, motherfucker." Edward muttered. I nudged him for being rude before standing up and hugging Emmett.

"Don't know why you put up with his grumpy ass." Emmett whispered into my ear as he hugged me. I chuckled as I pulled back.

"He's my grumpy ass."

Emmett's eyebrows shot up in question, "That sounded wrong, Bella. Just wrong." He laughed and I couldn't help but laugh and agree with him.

Emmett was such a sweetheart deep down and I trusted him like I trusted Edward. He was so protective of his little brother that I couldn't help but love him for it. That night that Edward had caught me in Emmett's room, we had been discussing his behavior as of late. I knew Edward tamed himself a little around me so I had asked Emmett what he was like when he was alone. The drinking still went on, as did the weed. From what he knew, Edward had not touched the coke since that night in Seattle but he couldn't be 100% sure. It may have been wrong of me to have asked about him to Emmett but it was the only way I could help him. I didn't want him hiding his pain from me if he was suffering. I wanted to erase all of that for him.

As he passed Emmett kicked Edward's feet and said, "Hello to you too, dickhead." Edward jumped up off the couch and lunged at Emmett, tackling him to the floor. I gasped and jumped back out of the way as they wrestled each other, rolling around.

"Get off me, bitch!" Emmett yelled.

"You're an absolute dickhead!" Edward yelled back. Heidi got up with a shake of her head but didn't look concerned at all. She stood beside me and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Aren't you going to stop them?" I asked, unable to steer my eyes away from them. Edward managed to pin Emmett to the ground but not for long before Emmett gained the upper hand, effectively pinning Edward down and keeping him there.

"Stop them?" Heidi repeated with a laugh. "They'll get over it in a few minutes." I looked over at her in shock but said nothing as I turned my attention back to the boys. They were both breathing heavily as Emmett had his forearm pressed against Edward's upper chest.

"Take it back." Emmett demanded with an amused smirk.

"Get fucked!" Edward snapped but I could see him fighting back a smile.

It was then I noticed a tall man enter the room. He had white blonde hair, fair skin and the most deep crystal blue eyes I had ever seen on a person. He was in a pair of black slacks with a button up light purple shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was extremely attractive and looked very much like Carlisle.

He casually walked over to Emmett and Edward and shook his head but his expression was one of amusement.

"Oh, hey Uncle Caius." Emmett grinned casually, as he looked up at him, still pinning Edward down. Edward used that chance to poke Emmett roughly in his side. Emmett gasped and groaned just as Caius grabbed him by the back of his shirt and lifted him up off Edward.

"Get off him Emmett." He said with a sigh. Emmett staggered as he struggled to find his feet and when he did, his hands flew to clutch his side where Edward had hit him. "The kid's in enough fights without needing you to add to it."

"He started it!" Emmett retorted defensively.

"Fuck you! I didn't." Edward growled as he stood up and attempted to fix his disheveled clothes.

Caius turned to me, much to my embarrassment and smiled warmly. "Since no one else is going to do it," he began with a smirk, "I'm Caius Cullen, Edward and Emmett's uncle." He said holding his hand out for a hand shake.

"Nice to meet you. Bella Swan." I smiled back, taking his hand. He shook it gently, giving me what looked very much like Edward's lop sided grin and I couldn't help but blush in response. I could see where Edward had gotten it from.

"Fuck, sorry. Yeah, ah… this is Caius." Edward said distractedly as he came to stand beside me, still fiddling with his twisted shirt. At the clearing of Caius' throat, Edward groaned and corrected, "_Uncle_ Caius. Geez fuck, since when did you become so fucking pedantic about that kind of shit."

"Since you became old enough to know." Caius retorted. "I'm assuming she is your girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Edward replied glancing at me and smiling, "She is." He wrapped his hand around my waist and pulled me into his side, where he placed a soft kiss just under my ear. It took everything in me not to shiver in response. "This is my _Uncle Caius_" Edward said with a roll of his eyes to which Caius smirked, "He's pretty fucking cool."

"You think I'm cool?" Caius questioned with a crooked smile.

"Yeah, don't let it get to your head." Edward chuckled. "If it wasn't for him I'd probably be in juvi." He said to me.

"Oh." I muttered stupidly, the thought terrifying. Caius smiled at me, obviously finding my reaction amusing. He seemed care free, more so than Carlisle. Edward had mentioned that they were very different.

"Are you joining us for dinner tonight?" Caius asked, slipping one hand into his pants pocket.

"I have dinner with my father, which reminds me that I should probably get going. I need to get it started before he gets home."

"Alright, I'll take you home, then." Edward said tightening his grip around my waist.

"I see everyone's here already." Carlisle's voice filtered into the room. I turned to see him walking in with a glass of what looked like bourbon in his hand. "Hello, Bella." He smiled warmly at me.

"Good afternoon, Carlisle."

He smiled tightly at Caius as he passed and walked over to where Heidi was sitting. She hugged him tightly when he reached her, to which he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"Let's get going, baby." Edward said snapping my attention back to him.

"Ok, it was a pleasure meeting you." I said to Caius.

"The pleasure was all mine. Let us see you again soon. I'd like to get to know the girl that has captured my nephew's heart." Edward groaned, and mumbled something I couldn't quite make out in response.

I said my good byes to everyone with a promise to see them soon before I headed out.

"Who's that motorbike belong too?" I asked pointing to the black Ducati that sat in the driveway.

"My Uncle's. Which reminds me, he promised me a ride on that fucking thing. It's nice isn't it?" Edward said walking up to it to get a closer look.

"Very." I approved as my eyes scanned over its curves.

"You like bikes?" Edward asked.

"Ah, I guess. I've never really thought about it." He chuckled, before throwing his leg over the leather seat and settling himself on the bike, leaning forward to grip the handle bars.

"Do I look hot?" He asked with a cocky smirk.

I grinned, "You always look hot."

"That's my girl." He grinned back. I couldn't help but admire the way he looked on the bike, it really did suit him, especially since he was in his leather jacket.

"Get off my girl." My head as well as Edward's snapped up to the front door where Caius was walking out of.

"Your girl?" Edward asked with an amused arched eyebrow. "Have you given her a name too?" He teased. Caius reached us, his hands casually in the pockets of his pants and stood in front of the bike.

"Yeah… _Daisy_." He said with a leering smile.

Edward groaned. "Fuck off." He said removing himself from the bike. Caius chuckled and I couldn't help but feel like I'd missed something in the exchange.

Caius must have noticed my confused expression because he explained, "Edward's guitar." I furrowed my brows in perplexity, my eyes darting to Edward for further explanation but he just ran an agitated hand through his hair before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and offering one to Caius, who took it without hesitation.

"Edward hasn't told you that his guitar has a name?" Caius mumbled around the cigarette between his lips before he cupped his hands over the end of it and lit it.

"Err… no." I said, my eyes flickering back and forth between Edward and Caius. "Daisy?" I asked Edward, trying to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, Daisy. Every musician names his instrument…" He froze for a second then said, "Musical fucking instrument, not instrument as in his dick, although some guys do name their dicks too." He smirked. I felt my face turn crimson at the turn the conversation had taken. I didn't feel comfortable talking about dicks, particularly in front of his uncle.

Caius seemed unaffected, "So next time, before you tease me, just remember you're not any better."

"So you like riding your girl?" Edward snickered. My eyes went wide in shock before I elbowed Edward in the side.

"That's ok, Bella," Caius said, smiling with amusement at Edward, "I'm used to his antics. It just wouldn't be Edward without them."

"That's true," I mumbled.

"Well, kids, I better head back inside and you two should get a move on." He said, taking a draw from his cigarette.

"Yeah, alright. I'll see you in a bit." Edward nodded at his uncle. I murmured a goodbye with a little wave as he turned for the house and headed inside.

Edward and I turned for his car and walked down the driveway to where it was parked.

"I guess it'd be too much to ask to see you again tonight?" Edward asked, pinning me to the side of his car.

"Um, I'll try my best."

"Ok." He responded smiling sadly. He leaned down and kissed me, my heart beat accelerating dramatically as his tongue found mine. He pulled away all too soon with a quick chaste kiss before he completely let go of me.

"Let's go."

Edward had to drop me off at the store briefly on the way back to Charlie's. I darted in, grabbed what I needed to make for dinner and rushed back out in under fifteen minutes. It wasn't as bad as I had predicted for Christmas Eve.

As soon as I arrived home, I got to work. Because it was only going to be Charlie and me, I decided to make a roast chicken with mashed potatoes and vegetables. I flitted around the kitchen, working at a comfortable pace with my ear phones in, as I listened to my iPod.

Charlie arrived home as I was taking the chicken out of the oven and about to put in the apple pie.

We ate dinner together at the kitchen table, talking comfortably and by the time we were both done it was hitting 7:30. I cleared the table before serving up two slices of apple pie with vanilla ice cream.

"You know how to spoil a guy, Bella." Charlie said as he scraped the last of his pie off his plate.

"Its not often I get to have dinner with my dad." I replied despondently. He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

"How are things with Phil? He's treating you well?" He asked, putting his spoon down and focusing his attention entirely on me.

I nodded, "Yeah, it's just not the same with him there now." I shrugged feeling uncomfortable with the topic. "He makes mum happy." I didn't want to give Charlie the impression I was miserable, because in all honestly I wasn't. I just wished Phil wasn't in the picture. The days I saw little of him were my best.

"You know you could always come live here." Charlie suggested.

"I know and thank you. But I'll be off to college soon anyways. It's not really worth it."

I walked into the lounge after I had cleaned up dinner and found Charlie on the sofa with a small wrapped gift sitting beside him. My eyes darted back and forth between him and the gift in question as I took a seat in the arm chair.

"Merry Christmas." He said with a small smile as he placed the gift in my lap.

"Dad… you didn't have to give me anything, really." I said taking the gift from him apprehensively.

"Nonsense. And it's small too, not really all that special."

"You're the one talking nonsense now." I chuckled. With one last glance at him, I turned my attention to the present in my lap and slowly ripped the wrapping off. Inside was a journal.

"It's good to have something to write your thoughts down. It's a comforting process. At least that's what the lady at the store informed me." Charlie explained with a little confusion.

"Oh thank you Dad!" I said putting it aside and standing up to give him a hug.

"Don't mention it, kid."

"Just give me one second." I said quickly before darting up the stairs to my room. I grabbed his present from my duffle bag and rushed back down the stairs, almost tripping in my haste. I reached the lounge and held the envelope out for him as I tried to catch my breath.

He raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing, only giving me a smile as he took the envelope from me. I watched as he slipped his finger beneath the flap in the corner and slid it across the top, ripping it open as he went. He pulled out two Mariners tickets and I watched as his eyes widened in gleeful surprise.

"Thanks, Bells!" He grinned and the sight made me grin back, because Charlie grinning was something that very rarely happened, so I was so happy to have gotten that reaction from him.

When Charlie had retired for the night, I went up to my bedroom and decided I wouldn't ask to go out again, it was already reaching ten and he had me on an eleven o'clock curfew, so the effort wasn't even worth it. But just as I was slipping into bed, something rapped against my window. My heart stuttered a beat in fright and my hand flew to my mouth to muffle a yelp when I saw Edward trying to pry my window open. I stumbled over to him, fighting back my shock at seeing him outside my bedroom window and thrust the window open to let him.

Numerous profanities escaped him as he tried to clamber in while balancing a wrapped box. He held out the box for me to take off him and when I did I was surprised by the weight of it. He finally landed on the floor of my bedroom, more curses filtering freely from his lips.

"Fuck, they make this shit look easier in the movies." He muttered as he stood up and ran a hand through his hair. I stood before him, still speechless by his sudden presence.

"Hey." He smirked.

"What on earth are you doing here?" I asked glancing back down at the box in my hands.

"If I'm correct, it is Christmas Eve so I came to give you your gift. Well half of it, the other half is back at home because I couldn't have balanced both of those of fuckers while trying to climb in your fucking window."

"Oh."

"You seem surprised."

"Wasn't that the point?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

He smiled sheepishly, "I guess it was." He walked over to me, took the box out of my hands and placed it carefully on the bed before turning back to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Merry Christmas, baby." He said before leaning in to kiss me. I lost myself in the feel of his soft, warm lips and noticed the strong taste of alcohol on them. His tongue was warm as it slid over mine repeatedly, my hands trailing up his sides to fist into his hair, pulling him down closer. His left hand cupped the back my neck, tilting my head so he could deepen the kiss further. He backed us till my legs hit the edge of my bed. I sat down and laid back as Edward hovered over me, his lips never leaving mine.

"Merry fucking Christmas." He breathed as his lips moved down my neck. He used his teeth to tug down the strap of my tank top, effectively exposing my right breast. His lips closed in around it, sucking and licking as he groaned in response. I had to stop him before things got out of hand. Charlie was just down the hall.

"Edward," I said reluctantly, not wanting him to stop but needing him to. I placed my hands against his chest and pushed him back gently. He complied grudgingly, his head dropping to my shoulder as he tried to calm his breathing. "Charlie's down the hall."

"You make it hard to resist." He said as he lifted himself off of me.

I pulled the strap of my tank back up and sat myself in the middle of my bed with my legs crossed. He grabbed the box that we had nearly squashed and climbed on the bed to sit in front of me, placing the box in my lap.

"I can't believe… you know I hate gifts." I said, looking at the box warily. The weight of it told me that it was most likely something expensive.

"Just open it, Bella." He said sounding annoyed.

"You wrapped it?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at him. He looked at the box and scowled.

"That shit was hard to wrap. I think I used a whole fucking roll of tape on that." He explained. I tried to suppress a giggle as I looked back at the box. It was covered in tape and the wrapping was sloppy and crumpled. I loved it because it was so him.

Biting my lip, I ripped the wrapping off, which was harder than expected because of all the tape. But with the first glimpse of the brand name on the box, I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth in utter shock. I pulled it free from all the wrapping and gaped at Edward disbelievingly. It was a Canon EOS 5D digital camera. One on the best digital cameras on the market.

"I can't accept this." I said shaking my head frantically. "It's too much." He groaned and used his hand to push his hair back off his forehead.

"I had a feeling you'd give me that shit. It's not fucking too much, Bella."

"Edward, do you know how much these things cost?" I asked incredulously.

"Ah, I guess I would since I bought the damned thing." He mocked. I found no humor in his comment as my eyes continued to snap between him and the camera in my lap.

"I could never give you any thing remotely close to this." I said despondently.

"Fuck Bella, I don't want anything at all from you. You give me everything just by putting up with my shit." He said seriously.

"I put up with your shit because I want to." I said. "I don't want anything as a _payment_ for what I do. That's not why I do it." I said with annoyance.

"I know you don't-" he began but stopped abruptly and growled in frustration. "Why can't you just fucking accept it?" He snapped.

"Keep your voice down, Charlie is just down the hall." I admonished. The muscles in his jaw clenched and unclenched as his eyes clearly reflected the agitation he was feeling towards me.

"Why can't you just fucking accept it?" He asked again, trying to reign in his anger but failing.

"Because it cost you nearly three thousand dollars!"

"I don't give a fuck."

"I do!"

He threw himself off the bed and turned to me, "Bella, money means shit to me. I've spent twice that amount on fucking blow in the past in one hit. It isn't _too fucking expensive_. I want fuck all in return. I came here fucking proud that I'd finally managed to buy something for you and all you do is beat down the gesture from the moment you took it from me. I've never fucking bought a gift for a girl before, never in my life have I fucking gone out to shop for a girl, but for you I did that shit. as much as I hated it at times because I seemed so fucking clueless, I actually fucking enjoyed it. You know why?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow, his eyes blazing. His chest was rising and falling with his rapid breaths, his hands clenched into fists by his sides. I shook my head in response, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"Because I fucking love you! That's why."

I froze, my eyes wide with shock and disbelief as my heart accelerated full speed, violently thrashing within its confinements. I was rendered speechless, irresolute of what to say. My mind was whirring with a million different thoughts all at once, making it hard to form anything mildly coherent. He continued to stare at me, his shoulders hunching over in defeat.

"Merry fucking Christmas, Bella." He said dryly before turning for my window.

"Edward, don't!" I called as I placed the box in front of me and scampered out of bed. He ignored me as he lifted one leg out the window but I quickly grabbed him by his jacket and tugged him roughly back in, refusing to let him just walk out like that.

"Stop running away from me!" I said with exasperation. He cursed as he almost fell with the force I used but said nothing else. He turned around to face me, standing only a foot away, his eyes everywhere but at my face. We stood in front of each other for an indefinite length of time, the silence in the room growing more and more deafening with each second that passed.

I decided to break the silence when I realized Edward wasn't close to saying anything. "Edward," I sighed, feeling like absolute shit about the way I acted. "I'm sorry."

"Just forget about it." He mumbled, finally meeting my eyes. I'd never seen him look as vulnerable as he did in that second standing before me.

"No, I won't." I said firmly. "I love it, I really do… its just… I get uncomfortable when people spend money on me."

"Like I said, money means shit to me."

"I know…" I said, still staring at him and a huge part of me was pleading for him to say those three words again. I hoped he didn't think it was a mistake or something that just came out in the heat of the moment. But deep down, I knew he meant it.

"I love you." I blurted out in the silence that lingered. His eyes snapped to mine in surprise, but his expression remained relatively blank. I bit my lip, waiting for him to say something or do something, anything to show me he accepted them. But he just continued to stand there and stare at me, his expression giving no indication to what he was feeling. My heart plummeted, the sickening feeling telling me that when he had verbalized those words only moments earlier, it was an accident.

"I've only ever heard those words from one person in my life and she passed away just over 2 years ago." He said quietly. My heart was like a jack hammer; pounding so loud I was sure Edward could it hear it in the silence of my small room. I shifted from foot to foot, wringing my fingers anxiously.

"They're true." I said softly, my tone reassuring. The corner of his lips curled up into a crooked smile as he began to close the distance between us slowly.

His hands came to either side of my face, his fingers digging into my hair at the back of my head as his thumbs rested just beneath my ears. He bore his gaze into mine, his eyes a vibrant emerald green that almost left me gasping from their force.

"So, you love me?" He asked with his crooked smile intact. I nodded against his hands, unable to break his gaze. He sucked in a jagged breath as the other side of his lips curled up so that he was grinning back at me. "Me too." He said, then he furrowed his brows and quickly added, "I love you I mean, fuck, not myself… I don't fucking love myself… well sometimes I may appear that way… fuck, sorry." He stammered, sounding flustered. I couldn't help but giggle which made him grin back at me.

He kissed me then, and the moment his lips touched mine, my whole body erupted into goose bumps and a burning need. He tilted my head back, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Our tongues mingled slowly but with determination and purpose. I moaned and tightened my grip in his hair, becoming a little light headed with the passion filled kiss. It was different to every other time we'd kissed. Maybe it was because this time it was filled with new found emotions, love that we knew existed between each other. It felt _right._

Unfortunately, his lips eventually slipped away from mine, leaving me utterly breathless. I kept my eyes closed, trying to regain my composure somewhat. He ran his nose gently over mine a few times, something that he always did and that I completely loved.

"Give me your hand." He demanded softly. I let one slip from the back of his neck and into the palm of his hand. He raised it and placed my palm flat against his chest, right over his heart. "Feel that?" He asked searching my eyes. I nodded, keeping my eyes locked with his, the beat of his heart hammering in furious succession.

"That's what you do to me, every single fucking time."

"And you to me." I admitted, placing his hand over my heart. He smiled softly at me before leaning forward and kissing my forehead.

"I better get going, baby girl." My hands clutched onto the front of his jacket, tugging him against me as he began to pull away.

"You can't go." I said with a shake of my head. "You can't leave now. I want you to stay with me." The thought of sleeping alone seemed unbearable.

"Believe me, the last thing I want to do now is fucking leave, but you said to me, your dad is just down the hall. I think we've fucking pushed our luck enough." He was right and I knew it but it did nothing to ease my desperation for him in that moment.

Pleadingly I said, "Put me to sleep at least, then you can go… please?"

He hesitated briefly before replying, "Fuck, you know I can't say no to that." I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and pulled him by his hand toward my bed. I froze when I realized I still had not given him his gift. It seemed so insignificant suddenly in comparison to what he had gotten me.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked, trying to read my expression. I met his eyes warily.

"I still have your gift to give you but I… I don't know if you'll like it. I mean, it's nothing special, and it didn't cost me much at all-"

"Bella," he said firmly, cutting me off. "Give me the gift." I bit my lip in contemplation, wondering if I could somehow dodge giving him this one now and maybe buy him another better one when we got back to Forks. "I'll love it." He said confidently, watching my face.

I took a deep breath and beat down my nervousness as I trudged over to my bag to grab his gift. It was small and light and all of a sudden I felt extremely embarrassed because it couldn't begin to compare to the gift he had gotten me. I stood before him and held it out, the small box wrapped in red paper balanced in the palm of my hand. He reached out and took the box from my outstretched hand and brought it up to his ear, shaking it lightly to hear for its rattle. But it didn't because it was set in place. He raised an eyebrow at me, an excited expression on his face as he slipped his finger beneath an opening of paper and ripped it off. He tossed the torn paper aside and held the plain white box in his hand, the expression on his face one of thought.

He walked over to sit on the edge of my bed then held his hand out for mine, beckoning me to sit on his lap. Without hesitation, I took his hand and allowed him to pull me down onto his thigh, his left arm circling around my waist, locking me in place.

I was too scared to watch his expression so I kept my eyes fixed to the box as I gnawed away on my lower lip. He grabbed the lid of the box from its edges with his index finger and thumb and slowly removed it. I chanced a worried glance at his expression and was surprised to witness a huge smile spread over his face. He reached in and took out the black mother of pearl gas lighter. Silently, he flicked the top off and lit it, the blue glow of the ember licking at the air seductively.

He released his finger, the flame snapping away without a trace. He turned it over it in his hands, my heart thrashing in nervousness as I waited for him to spot the inscription on the back. He held the lighter flat in his palm, so that its back with the inscription was facing up.

_Beside you, _

_I'll never leave_

_Merry Christmas, Edward_

_Love Bella _

He must have either reread the inscription over a few times or was just sorting through the words before him. Either way, I had no idea because his face gave no indication to his feelings on the situation. I remained unmoving, holding my breath in anticipation for his reaction.

Then, his grip around my waist tightened, he turned slightly and buried his face into the nook of my neck, his lips meeting my skin in soft delicate kisses. I heard his jagged intake of breath before he met his lips to my ear.

"That means… so fucking much. Thank you." He whispered and I felt the air escape me in rush at the relief that overcame me.

"I knew it would be something you'll always have with you. I know you're not big on jewelry so that was the next best thing I could think of." I explained.

"Its perfect baby," He said as he tugged me even closer against him. We sat in silence for a while, the both of us just basking in the atmosphere surrounding us. Never in a million years had I expected this night to end up how it did and I could not have been happier.

We eventually untangled ourselves from each other just enough for Edward to rip off his jacket and shoes. We scooted up the bed till our heads met the pillows where Edward spooned me from behind and buried his face into my hair.

"Merry Christmas, baby girl… I love you." He whispered. My face was nearly split in two with the grin that took over. I pushed myself further into him and linked my fingers in the hand he had resting against my stomach.

"Merry Christmas, Edward. I love you too,"

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	28. Parental Unit

**A/N - Huge thank yous and love to all those that read and review... I have the best readers and I have to say, your response to the last chapter blew me away... thank you all so much! I haven't had a chance to respond to all the reviews, time hasn't been on my side lately and if I didn't respond to yours I do apologize... there were only a few that I missed and I'm sorry for that.**

**My beta, _luv4jake_, you rock my socks and never fail to crack me up with your comments as you beta, mwa! She has a blog that you should check out that has FF recommendations and her reviews on each one. Link is at the end of the chapter.**

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**_Stormyinco_ and _Debbliss_... love you both to bits and pieces, will always cherish our friendship close to my heart *hugs***

**This chapter is in BPOV and not Edward's because this was initially supposed to be a one shot after my wonderful reader _Absolutely Cullen _wanted to read about Edward meeting Charlie. Well it turned into a chapter that I couldn't stop writing so_ AC_ this is for you!  
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I own nothing of Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. All I own is a brand new pair of heels :-D**  
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**BPOV**

"So, do I get to meet him?"

My eyes snapped up to meet Charlie's inquisitive ones in surprise… and shock. I gulped down the eggs I had been chewing and quickly followed it with a long swallow of OJ. I cleared my throat and tried, as best I could, to sound casual.

"Meet who?" I asked, focusing my attention to my half eaten plate of eggs and bacon. I very well knew who _'him'_ was but the longer I could drag this out the more time it would give me to think of a way to answer him.

"Edwin."

"Edwin?" I questioned, fighting back a giggle.

"Err… your boyfriend." He answered.

"His name is Edward, dad." I replied and giggled, unable to hold it back any longer.

"Edwin, Edward, close enough." He said waving his hand dismissively. "I would like to meet him."

I took a deep breath and darted my eyes back to my eggs as I shifted them around my plate with my fork. I knew how Edward felt about meeting the parents as he had mentioned on many occasions. As much as I'd love for him to meet Charlie, I knew it wouldn't be something he would find comfortable.

"When?"

"Today. When else? You _do_ leave tomorrow." He explained, his eyes narrowing. He was on to me.

"I'll ask him." I responded with a decisive nod, hoping that would appease him enough. I grabbed my plate and stood up, walking over to the sink to rinse it out.

"I'm not asking you, Bells. I'm telling you." He said, suddenly appearing beside me as he placed his empty plate near the sink. "What kind of father would I be to let you drive back to Forks with him when I haven't even met him? For all I know, he could be a drug addict." He chuckled lightly, patting me on the back before turning and stalking out the kitchen.

I stood in place, my hands deep in soapy water as I recalled his words.

_Drug addict._

But Edward wasn't a drug addict! I scolded myself. He turned to drugs when he was desperate for an escape from the pain of losing two of the most important people in his life. But he wasn't an _addict. _I shook my head to rid myself of my negative thoughts and decided I better had call Edward to let him know of the _situation_.

**Charlie wants to meet you. **

I reluctantly pressed send and clutched the phone in my hand for a moment longer, knowing there was nothing I could do to take it back now.

Just as I was about to rest my phone down onto the bench, it rang. It was Edward.

"Hey."

"Hey… What the fuck?" He asked, sounding completely baffled.

"Charlie wants to meet you."

"Yeah, I got that. Why the fuck would your dad want to meet me?"

"Because he's a _dad_ and what kind of father would he be to let me drive back with you when he hasn't even met you?" I said then quickly added, "His words, not mine."

"Fuck." He breathed. "I mean, I guess I have no other fucking choice but I hate this shit. I don't do well in these situations. I've never even _been _in this situation. Is there even some sort of etiquette for this shit?"

"Just be yourself Edward. My father is pretty laid back… sorry, I correct, _can be _pretty laid back." I said remembering the rifle he owned and the ease by which he'd pulled it out if he felt the need to.

"I was actually going to see if you wouldn't mind heading over to my aunt's later in the afternoon to just hang out."

"We can still go. You can meet Charlie when you come to pick me up."

"Alright then, I guess its settled." He said sounding uneasy.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Just be yourself."

XX-XX

It was almost five by the time I got out of the shower. Edward had said he'd be arriving at five to pick me up after his family's Christmas lunch. Or more like, to meet Charlie.

So I hurriedly pulled on a pair of black jeans, my blue hoodie and tennis shoes and made my way downstairs. Just as I reached the bottom, my phone buzzed in my hand. Glancing at the screen I saw it was a text from Edward.

**I'm outside. **

Knotting my brows together in confusion, I made my way to the front door and swung it open. And there Edward stood, at the bottom of the porch steps having a cigarette. He must have noticed my puzzled expression because of what he said.

"I didn't want your dad to answer."

"Oh." I said, watching him ash his cigarette on the grass and take another draw. "Are you going to come in?" I asked, noticing the sting of cold in the air. I crossed my arms against my chest and tucked my hands under my arms to keep them warm.

"Yeah, yeah…" he said distractedly, flicking the butt of his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with the toe of his boot. Luckily, Charlie was no where in sight.

I stepped aside for him to enter and when I leaned forward to give him a kiss, he quickly stepped back.

"Whoa, fuck!" he said holding his hands up in front of him. "I want to keep my fucking balls." He said as his eyes darted around the room, most likely for any sign of Charlie. I rolled my eyes at him as I slipped my hand in his, hoping _that _was ok and led him through the house and to the lounge where I could hear the TV running faintly.

We rounded the corner to find Charlie sitting on the couch with a beer clutched in one hand and his feet stretched out and crossed at the ankles as they rested on the coffee table. His head turned in our direction, his eyes immediately zoning in our entwined hands. I tightened my grip.

"Dad, this is Edward Cullen." I said confidently. Charlie's eyes gave Edward the once over as he stood from his spot, loudly resting his beer bottle on the table. Talk about _dramatics_.

"Nice to meet you." Edward remarked uncomfortably.

"Likewise." Charlie said stepping forward and holding his hand out. Edward reluctantly slipped his hand out of mine and grasped Charlie's outstretched one, giving it a firm shake. "Would you like a beer?" Charlie suddenly asked. Edward's eyebrows shot up in contemplation then seemed to narrow in understanding.

"I don't drink, sir." Edward responded, clearing his throat nervously.

Charlie gave an amused smirk and responded with, "I certainly hope not," before flopping himself back down on the couch and waving us with his hand to do the same. I pulled Edward to the adjacent two-seater and tugged him down beside me.

An awkward silence seemed to fill the room, neither one of us saying anything. Edward shifted uneasily beside me a few times just as Charlie seemed to be drinking his beer thoughtfully.

"You have a nice home." Edward finally said and before I could stop it, I burst into a fit laughter. I tried stifling my giggles as Edward narrowed his eyes in annoyance at me, but I couldn't help myself. 'You have a nice home' was definitely something I never thought I'd hear Edward say. It sounded so generic and polite.

While I tried to calm down and erase Edward's voice from my head, Charlie spoke.

"So, I believe you used to live in Seattle?" Charlie asked, ignoring my outburst. That was enough to get me to quiet down and gain control of myself. I hadn't expected Charlie to probe Edward on his life.

"Yeah." Edward replied tentatively, running his fingers through his hair. I could feel his apprehension to the direction of the topic.

"And why move to Forks?" Charlie asked, appearing genuinely interested. Edward stiffened slightly beside me, shooting me a sideways glance. I understood his reluctance to answer such a question and I as much as I'd hate for him to lie to my father, I didn't like the idea of him telling the truth, either. Charlie was a cop. He's seen and dealt with many troubled teens and seen the consequences of what addictions can do. I knew any sort of mention of Edward's drug taking and/or drinking would definitely not sit well with Charlie, particularly toward somebody who was dating his only daughter.

"Err… It was my father's decision." Edward replied. "I was dealing with some shit here in Seattle that was seriously affecting my life, so my father, Carlisle, believed a small town and a change of atmosphere would help that."

Charlie looked as if considering of Edward's words for a moment.

"And this… _shit,"_ Charlie began, putting obvious emphasis on the word 'shit', "…is dealt with now?"

I could sense Edward's agitation toward Charlie's questioning and I made a decision to step in and stop it if he continued to act so nosey.

"In the process." Edward replied a little shortly.

Charlie nodded in response as he reached out to grab his beer and take a swig. I glanced over at Edward who was leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. He was staring at the ground between his legs, his hair falling forward and covering his eyes from my view, giving no indication to what he was feeling in that moment.

"Edward's father is a doctor." I spoke up, hoping to add something positive and steer the focus off Edward directly.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I've heard of him before."Charlie stated to my surprise. "I figured you'd be related somehow when Bella spoke of your surname."

Edward nodded slightly, shifting himself once again next to me.

"Is that something you would consider doing yourself, Edward? Med school?"

I groaned softly, cringing at how the conversation once again steered back toward Edward.

"Fuck, no." Edward responded and continued, oblivious to his choice of colorful words, "I'm not into that shit. My brother and I barely saw my dad growing up, he was always studying and working. I don't desire giving up my life for my work." He answered honestly. "Music is my passion."

Charlie seemed to study Edward for a moment, his eyes darting to mine in displeasure. I couldn't blame Edward, I knew he was trying really hard not to curse, but it was something that he couldn't control.

"Edward plays the piano and the guitar. He's been playing piano since he was four." I offered.

"Is that so?" Charlie questioned. Edward nodded, smiling curtly. "And Edward, do you believe music will give you a firm future?"

I realized it was time to cut the rope. I could see Edward had had enough and Charlie was definitely pushing it now.

"Dad, we've got Edward's cousin, Heidi and his brother waiting for us, so if you don't mind…?" I mentioned while standing up, adding influence to my request. Edward couldn't have followed any faster, standing up also and shoving his hands into the pockets of his cargos.

"Hmm." Charlie grunted, evidently unpleased. He raised himself from his seat. "So you're going to your aunt's place now?"

"Yes, we are." Edward responded.

"Edward," Charlie said with a bit of a leer in his tone. "When you come around next time, I'll show you how I clean my rifle." He smirked.

I shook my head in disbelief, wondering if Charlie could lay it on any thicker. Edward glanced at me warily for a brief second before nodding his head slowly in agreement, completely understanding Charlie's hidden threat.

"I'll take good care of her, sir." Edward assured as he started heading toward the front door almost subconsciously.

"You will." Charlie said firmly but with a smile as he made a move to follow Edward and me.

I opened the door and stepped outside, breathing a sigh of relief to finally have gotten away from the prickly situation and atmosphere. Edward walked out close behind me, muttering a few unintelligible words under his breath.

"By the way," Charlie said from the top of the porch steps once we'd reached Edward's car. Edward and I both turned around at the sound of his voice, my insides churning with the unsettling tone of Charlie's voice. "Some gum might be a smart idea next time. The smell of an ash tray isn't particularly pleasant."

My mouth fell agape, disbelieving of Charlie's rudeness. I chanced a glance at Edward, whose jaw seemed clenched so tight I thought I'd hear his teeth shatter. Without a word, he thrust his driver's side door open with a little more force than necessary and threw himself into the car, his agitation and anger rolling off of him in waves.

I turned my gaze to Charlie and shook my head at him as I frowned. I knew the divorce never left Charlie the same, turning him into a pessimist and an atheist to love and relationships but I hadn't expected him to throw that onto me and my life. It hurt.

The sound of Edward's car roaring to life, yanked me out of my thoughts. I opened my car door and slipped myself into the cold leather seat and slammed the door shut after me.

Edward pulled away from the curb and I could tell it was taking everything in him not to thrust his foot against the gas pedal and fly down the street. I fixed my eyes to the scenery outside my window, the tension in the car palpable and unsettling. I very well knew Edward had been treated unfairly. Charlie seemed to see the bad in people these days before any good and that was something I could never forgive my mother for. I felt that recognizable pang in my chest in remembrance of my parent's nasty divorce and shook my head, wishing it was as easy as shaking the thoughts and bleak memories away.

I was afraid to break the silence. I could see Edward's hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles a snow white from the pressure. His whole body was rigid and I wasn't sure what to say or if I should even say anything at all. What on earth do I say? Do I apologize for my father's rude behavior or do I try and justify what he'd said? It didn't change my feelings toward Edward, I still loved him, God did I love him and nothing anybody could say would ever change that.

We reached his aunt's house in deafening silence. I could see his Uncle Caius' motorbike in the driveway, exactly where it had been parked the day before. As I was staring at it, Edward climbed out of the car and rounded it to my side, opening my door and waiting for me to step out.

I slipped out, glimpsing the look on his face as I did. He looked irritated more than angry and I was hoping he'd speak to me before we went inside but to my disappointment, he slammed my door shut and turned for the front door. I stood my ground, refusing to let this play out or drag on. I needed him to talk to me. I was always one to discuss my issues rather than avoid them and now was not going to be any different.

It wasn't until he reached the front door that he turned around to see where I was. I fixed my eyes to him and leaned against his car, making it obvious that I had no plans of following him.

"What are you doing?" he asked irritably. "If you didn't want to fucking come here, then you could've told me."

"I want to talk to you, come back here." I demanded softly. He hesitated, brushing his hair back off his forehead before trudging his way back down toward me.

"I hope my dad didn't offend you." I commented once he was standing before me.

He pursed his lips, appearing apprehensive to the topic before sighing in defeat and speaking.

"I love you Bella, I really fucking do but like I've said to you before I don't handle parental units well. It took everything in me to bite back the remarks that were threatening spill. I was trying to respect the fact that he was your father and I fucking understand he's a cop and all that shit and that he's fucked up over your parent's divorce but that was just fucking unfair."

"I know that, and I'm sorry you had to put up with that." I responded honestly.

"Yeah well, you shouldn't have to apologize for that shit. It isn't your fault."

"I tried to get you out of it but he was adamant about meeting you."

"Yeah well, that's probably the last fucking time I'm agreeing to that shit. Well, actually your mother isn't all that bad, I must say."

"Renee?" I questioned, cracking a smile. "Renee is the complete opposite of Charlie. Nothing fazes her which can be a worry at times. She has a thing for the bad boys herself." I chuckled.

"Just like her daughter, ay?" Edward murmured with a small smirk as he leaned down to give me a kiss. I sighed as soon as our lips connected, feeling the tension and uneasiness of the situation just dissipate like it had never even existed to begin with.

I pulled away when I heard a car pull up. The black Mercedes telling me it was Dr. Cullen. He parked behind a red Hyundai I had never seen before and stepped out, smiling warmly at me.

"Good evening, Carlisle." I smiled as I tried to push Edward off me a little in embarrassment but he concreted himself in his spot, his body still pressing me against the side of his car, his fingers gripping my waist to him.

"Good evening, Bella. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." I returned over Edward's shoulder.

Edward ignored his dad, unless you consider a curt nod a proper greeting.

"You two coming inside?" He asked as he shuffled passed us.

"In a minute." Edward muttered over his shoulder, his eyes locked on mine. Dr. Cullen gave a nod in understanding before continuing on and heading inside.

Edward's forehead came down to rest on my shoulder, my hands trailing up his sides and into to his hair where I let my fingers get tangled in the bronze mess.

"I know you're close to your father and his opinion matters to you but-"

"Hey." I cut him off, forcing his head up so that his eyes met mine. "You know I don't care what anybody thinks, right? Charlie doesn't know you, his opinion was a biased and false one."

He gazed at me thoughtfully for a few moments before he nodded in understanding. "I love you, baby girl." I grinned from ear to ear, my ecstatic heart fluttering in excitement.

"And I love you." He sucked in quick breath at my words, before he met his lips with mine again, nipping at them tenderly.

We eventually headed inside, Edward and I turning straight for the lounge room, where we could hear the murmur of voices. We walked in to find Emmett and Jared sitting on the main couch side by side, playing the Nintendo Xbox while Heidi was on the floor sitting behind a girl whose hair she was braiding. The girl was beautiful, with olive skin, long brown hair and green eyes. She seemed pretty tall too as she sat with her long legs stretched out in front of her, clad in tight fitting black pants and high heeled boots.

Edward stiffened beside me and muttered a 'fuck', his head dropping in front of him with a slight shake. I turned to him in question, wondering why he reacted in such a way to find him look up and fix his eyes directly to the girl sitting in front of Heidi.

"Edward… Bella!" Heidi exclaimed from her spot on the floor. It wasn't enough to guide my attention away from the girl sitting in front of her who was smiling warmly at Edward. I immediately felt a surge of jealousy wash over me at the sight, the smile more than just a friendly one.

Heidi seemed to notice the expression on Edward's face because her grin turned into a grimace as her eyes darted between us.

"You're early." Heidi stated by way of explanation almost.

"Yeah, like fifteen minutes early, didn't think that would be a fucking problem." He retorted.

"It isn't. It's only a problem if you make it one." Heidi snapped back. I felt like I was at a tennis match, my head snapping back and forth between them. Their little exchange only added to my confusion but I knew it couldn't be anything pleasant and that stranger-model-type girl was possibly the reason for this all.

"Edward, didn't think I'd see you again this time!" The stranger-model-type girl said, lifting herself from the floor and walking up to Edward and to my irritation, wrapping her arms around him in a _very friendly_ hug. His hands seemed to hover in the air momentarily, unsure of where to go before finding themselves on her hips and guiding her back and away from him. I continued to stand there, completely irritated and feeling utterly out of place.

"I'm Gianna, you must be Bella." The stranger-model-type girl said, turning her attention to me. And to my annoyance she smiled warmly at me. I almost wanted a justification for my rapid dislike of her.

"Mhm, nice to meet you." I replied with a curt smile. I turned to Edward, hoping he'd explain who this girl was and why she seemed to be so fond of him but Edward looked as if he was ready to disappear, practically glaring at Heidi.

"Come sit with us, Bella." Heidi said grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the couch. Heidi sat beside me and ordered Gianna to sit on the floor in front of her so she could finish braiding her hair. I couldn't help but envy Gianna's height and flawless beauty as she sashayed her hips over to us before gracefully sitting herself down on the floor. Heidi got to work on her hair straight away, picking up where she had left off.

I scanned the room for Edward and found him sitting beside Emmett but his eyes were on me in concern.

"Gianna just popped by so we could exchange Christmas presents." Heidi explained, snapping my attention back to her.

"Oh." I responded stupidly, my mind too busy whirring with the possible reasons for Edward's concern.

"Heidi has spoken a lot about you." Gianna stated.

I could feel myself flush slightly with embarrassment and came to say the same to her but realized it was false. I had no idea who she was. I decided to find out.

"So, you've known Edward and Heidi long?" I asked Gianna, angling for information out of sheer curiosity. I was hoping she'd give me something that would answer Edward's obvious dislike of the situation.

"I went to school with Heidi and Edward. Well, I still go to school with Heidi." She chuckled.

"Yep, we've been best friends since junior high." Heidi added, her eyes glued to her hands as they worked on Gianna's hair.

Well that didn't give me anything in regards to Gianna's relationship with Edward specifically.

"Alright Emmett, ready?" Carlisle asked, suddenly appearing around the corner.

"Yeah, let's go." Emmett agreed with a sigh, tossing the controller to the floor in front of him and standing up. "I assume you're not coming?" he asked turning to Edward, his tone disapproving.

"No." Edward answered shaking his head.

Emmett frowned, "Its Christmas."

"That didn't stop me last year." Edward responded, his eyes remaining fixed to the TV in front of him.

"Just leave him, Emmett." Carlisle said, the skin between his brows pinched together as he stared back at his youngest son. Emmett hesitated, appearing as if dropping the debate was the last thing on his mind.

"Come on." Carlisle urged when he continued to linger there, staring at his brother. With a slight shake of his head, he turned on his heels and followed Carlisle out. My eyes darted back to Edward, wondering where Carlisle and Emmett were headed and what the reason for Edward's refusal was. But before I could think too much about it, Edward spoke.

"Bella, outside." He said suddenly, standing up and leaving the room without another word. My gaze followed his form disappear from the room, my lip between my teeth in contemplation. I turned to Heidi in question to which she gave a supportive smile and simply said, "He needs you."

I lifted myself off the couch, murmuring an "Excuse me," before following Edward outside.

I stepped out into the cold of the evening, the setting sun making way to the nipping cold. Edward had himself propped against the side of the house, his long legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. He had a cigarette hanging between his index finger and thumb in one hand that hung by his side while his other hand was shoved into the pocket of his leather jacket.

"Everything ok?" I asked, standing beside him but facing him.

He glanced up at me briefly as if he hadn't heard me step outside, "Yeah… let's get going soon, though."

"Um, alright." I replied, wondering why he seemed impatient to leave. We _had_ just gotten there but by the expression on his face I could tell something wasn't right.

We stood in the calm silence of twilight, Edward smoking his cigarette thoughtfully while I mulled over everything that had happened that day.

"How do you know Gianna?" I asked abruptly, my curiousness kicking in once again. It was now or never.

He took a draw of his cigarette as his eyes landed on me.

"Just a friend." He answered, exhaling a haze of smoke.

"A close one." I stated matter-of-factly, hoping my jealousy wasn't seeping into my voice. He groaned and scrubbed his free hand through his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut. He let his hand drop back by his side and turned to me, looking very uncomfortable and pretty annoyed.

"You really want to know?" he asked with a scowl.

"Yes. I don't care what it is, I just want to know." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly.

"She was my fuck buddy." He answered. I stared at him blankly for a moment. I hadn't been expecting him to just spill it out so truthfully.

"Your _fuck _buddy?" I repeated and despite the fact that I had a fair idea that this was the case I couldn't help the jealousy that washed over me and settled deep in the pit of my stomach, rendering me a little uneasy.

"You asked, I answered." He retorted taking another drag. It didn't settle well with me the fact that Gianna had had a comfortable sexual relationship with Edward. She was obviously _one _of the girls that had practically done everything there was to do with him. I hated the idea of it. I hated that I had come face to face with a girl that knew Edward so intimately, more so than me.

I thought back to her long legs and perfect hair and perfect body and internally cringed. Then Lauren flashed to mind with _her_ perfect body and perfect hair and suddenly, I felt very small and _unpretty_.

"She's really pretty." I stated, my voice sounding small and insecure even to my own ears. Edward gazed at me thoughtfully for a split second before something snapped in him. He pushed himself off the wall, flicked his butt to the ground and turned to me abruptly. Grasping me by the shoulders, he pushed me back till I was against the house and cupped my face on both sides with his hands, forcing my gaze to meet his.

"That's all she was." He said firmly, his eyes slicing into mine. "She was nothing more than a body to me… a convenience, there were no feelings, no emotions involved. Yes, she may be pretty but baby, you're absolutely fucking gorgeous."

It was moments like this I had always dreaded. The moment I'd realize that he could do so much better. He'd never given me reason to feel insecure, one look from his eyes outweighed any number of words he could speak in making me feel beautiful and sexy and that was one of the many reasons why I loved him. But seeing what he used to be attracted to and comparing myself to that was a whole other ball game. I couldn't even begin to compare.

"Hey." he said sternly, snapping me out of my thoughts. My eyes met his as they studied me. "You ok?"

I nodded slowly against his hands, believing of every word he'd spoken. There were no emotions involved, it was purely physical and what I had with him, he had never had with anybody else and that meant more than anything else could.

"Do you want me to go through every feature of yours that makes me hard in an instant?" he whispered, his warm breath ticking my face. "Because I could do it and it would take me all day. Baby, I love every inch of you." He groaned as he pressed himself up against me. I could feel his arousal against my stomach and I bit my lip to stifle a moan in response.

"Can we go?" I asked, feeling a strong need to just have him all to myself for the rest of the evening. He pulled back a little and gave me his beautiful crooked smile.

"Thought you'd never ask."

XX0-0XX

We walked into his bedroom and even though I should have known, I was still surprised to witness it pretty sparse of any personal belongings. Edward brushed past me, lighting a cigarette with the lighter I'd gotten him for his Christmas present. It made me smile. His eyes met mine as he slipped the cigarette out, smiling at me crookedly as he exhaled.

"What do you want to do?" He asked, balancing his cigarette between his lips as he ripped his jacket and long-sleeved t-shirt off. He was left in a white wife beater and his cream colored cargo pants. He had cranked the heat up in the house when we arrived, so it was pretty warm and toasty in comparison to the chill outside. I followed suit, slipping my jacket off.

He walked over to his collection of DVDs by his TV, which were only a few. The majority of his collection was now in Forks.

"Well, we can watch a movie. What do you have in there? Anything worth watching?" I asked, standing beside him and scanning the ten or so options before me.

"Hmm… these are shitty ones that I haven't watched in years… nothing that will particularly hold our attention."

I let my index finger glide over the spine of the cases, reading the titles as I went.

"Drop Dead Fred?" I asked with a giggle.

"Fuck… yeah, I used to love that movie when I was a kid. Emmett and I used to watch it all the time."

"Well, I don't mind it either, let's watch that." I said with a decisive nod as I pulled the case out and snapped it open. Edward carefully removed the DVD from its case and slid it into the player. I turned for his bed and crawled into it where I sat myself in the middle and waited for Edward. He got it all ready then grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose he had grabbed from the freezer on our way in and shook it gently at me with a grin. He took a few straight swigs from the bottle, grunting lightly as it went down.

"Want some?" he asked, holding the bottle up.

"Nope, I'm good." He shrugged as if saying 'suit-your-self 'then placed it on his desk and climbed into bed with me. He sat himself behind me, and told me to scoot up so that I was sitting between his legs with my back against his chest. He held me tight against him, his knees up on either side of me, encasing me in him while his hands stroked through my hair lovingly. I laid my head back, sighing happily at the feeling of his slender fingers brushing through my strands as the movie began.

Throughout the movie, his fingers alternated between my hair, fingering the shell of my ears, stroking up and down my arms and rubbing over my stomach, all sending a warmth of goose bumps to erupt over my skin. His ministrations were slow, gentle and loving and my heart swelled for him even more. Occasionally his lips would meet the top of my head, causing a content smile to break over my face.

Half way through the movie, my mind wandered back over to Gianna and her sexual relationship with Edward. Then I wondered how many others there were. I knew he'd slept with about 14 girls all together, but how many of them had he had this agreement with? I guess I was just too curious for own good.

"Was Gianna the only one?" I asked quietly.

"Excuse me?" he asked, sounding a little taken aback.

I took a deep breath before I reworded my question, "Gianna, were there other girls that you had the same… err… _relationship _with?" Silence seemed to linger. Because I couldn't see his face, I wasn't sure whether he was thinking the question over or just stalling.

"Why do you want to know?" he finally asked.

I wish I knew myself. "I don't know… I guess I'm just curious."

He groaned, "Fuck, I really don't like discussing this kind of shit with you."

"Then don't worry about it… its no big deal." I responded. Although it wasn't a big deal, I was disappointed.

"Fine," he sighed reluctantly after a moment. "Fuck… I mean if you _really _want to know." He said sounding baffled as to why I would. "There was another one, Vicki… she and Gianna are friends. They were the main two… the rest were just occasional flings but there was no set agreement."

I thought over his confession. "Did you ever have them… at the same time?" I asked, curiousness getting the better of me once again.

"At the same time as in… having sex with both of them as a threesome?" I nodded, relieved he couldn't see my face. "Yeah."

"Hmm…" I said, really just unsure of what to say to that but knowing that if I had remained quiet it would have given way to much importance to the admission.

"Hmm?" he repeated. "That's all you got?" He asked, sounding a little worried and irritated.

"So, you had two girls worshipping you at once?" The mental image wasn't really something I wanted to dwell on, four hands all over Edward, two mouths to kiss, four breasts to touch… two…" I shifted uncomfortably, kind of mad at myself for wanting to know all of this.

"Worshipping?" He repeated with a laugh. "I wouldn't really call it worshipping, Bella. But I guess to them that's what it was."

"Isn't it hard to keep up with ah… two girls?" I asked, feeling my face flush.

"I'm seventeen Bella, my teenage hormones are more than enough to keep up."

"You do realize that you've had way too much sexual experience for the average seventeen year old boy?" I asked with a little bitterness that I hadn't expected filtering through my voice.

"Yeah, I know." He agreed awkwardly. "I mean, I love sex, I guess I can't help it and it used to help me forget. I can't really say I'm proud of what I did but I didn't hurt anyone doing it."

At the tone of his voice, I turned my head slightly so that I could look up into his eyes.

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I totally understand. I don't look at you differently or love you any less." I confessed truthfully.

"Yeah baby, I know…" he smiled down at me and the bright color of his emerald eyes had me suck in a quick breath. He really was so beautiful.

I turned my focus back to the movie as he kissed the top of my head, the atmosphere in the room easing back to how it was before that topic of conversation was brought up. That's what I loved about Edward and I, the sadness, the uneasiness, the awkwardness… it never lingered, we were always able to snap out of it effortlessly. It all came down to trust and the way we knew each other.

"You know I don't expect that kind of shit from you, right?" He asked, after about ten minutes of movie watching.

I turned my head so that I could look up at his face again, my brows crumpled together in confusion, "Expect what?"

He seemed to hesitate, "The threesomes and… fuck… you know… all that crap I did with them."

"No…" I responded thoughtfully. "I never even thought about it."

"Good." He said sounding relieved.

"Would you want to?"

"Would I want to?" He echoed.

"Yeah, I mean… its one thing not to expect anything but another to _want_ it." I explained, turning my eyes back to the TV screen in front of me because I was feeling a little edgy again. Like they say, a leopard can't change its spots and a part of me feared that even though he didn't expect such activities from me in the bedroom, would it be something he'd always desire?

"Fuck me…" he muttered before I felt his chest rise in a large intake of breath and fall back down slowly. "Bella… look at me." He ordered softly. I lifted myself into a higher sitting position as I had slid down during the movie and turned my upper body enough so that I could meet his eyes comfortably without straining.

"Is that what you think?" he asked, searching my eyes. "That I'll want threesomes and anal sex and all that fucking raunchy shit during sex with you?"

"You've had anal sex?" I asked in shock, oblivious to everything else he'd said after admitting that tid bit of information. His eyes widened for a few seconds, appearing as if he hadn't realized what he'd said. He groaned loudly and threw his head back, hitting it against the head board repeatedly with his eyes squeezed shut.

"Stop it." I said grabbing his head and halting his self abuse. I forced his gaze to meet mine, "It just took me by surprise that's all…"

"It was only twice."

"It doesn't matter."

"Why in the fuck do you do this to me?" He asked incredulously. "I never gave a shit what girls thought or anyone for that matter. I never cared if they could hear me having sex for crying out loud and I still don't to an extent but then you come along…" he explained, his eyes gazing back into mine intently. "And I feel all fucking… I don't know, uncomfortable discussing this shit."

"That's alright." I assured him. "You're a guy and according to Jacob… guys love sex." I said grimacing slightly as I remembered the exact conversation I had had with him one afternoon.

"They do… but with you Bella… it will never be just sex. It will _always_ be fucking more."

I blinked back tears, I had no idea why that made me teary but it did. His words never failed to affect me in a way that no one else's ever had. To hide the affect of his words, I buried my face into the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back, giving my temple a sweet kiss before our attention was once again focused back on the neglected movie.

By the time the movie came to an end, I was feeling a little sleepy, the warmth of the room, of Edward's hard and warm body against me, the soft mattress beneath me, I was ready to just let sleep take me.

"You ok, baby?" Edward whispered into my ear, his tongue darting out to give my lobe a few flicks. I murmured an unintelligible response, a part of my body fighting for sleep while the other part of my body was burning up with every delicate caress of Edward's hands and tongue. His mouth moved down to my neck, licking, sucking and nipping, my head lolling to the side on its own accord to allow him easier contact.

His hands moved to my breasts, kneading them appreciatively over my hoodie, his mouth continuing its delicious assault to my neck. My body was warming up dramatically, making the temperature in the room seem suddenly twenty degrees hotter. I pressed my legs together, a persistent throbbing between my legs fighting for some sort of friction.

"Help me," he muttered into my ear as his hands gripped the bottom of my hoodie and began to lift it up. I leaned forward and helped him raise it up and over my head, where it was thrown mindlessly across the room.

His hands found purchase over my breasts again, his fingers pinching my nipples through the lacy fabric of my bra. I arched into his hands, turning my face up to his and capturing his lips with mine desperately. He groaned when our tongues came into contact, warm and sliding over one another in a synced rhythm. I could feel his arousal digging into my lower back so I reached my hand behind me and rubbed over his fabric covered bulge, hearing the increase in his breathing.

"Jesus." he breathed.

I could feel my panties… they were drenched, aching for contact, for any kind of friction. I trailed a hand up to cup his cheek, holding his lips to mine as we kissed fervently, my chest rising and falling with my short erratic breaths. Finally, his hand slid down my torso, over my stomach and nestled itself between my legs. He rubbed me over the denim a few times, mumbling a 'fuck' which was barely audible due to the work of my tongue.

He made quick work of the button and zipper of my jeans, the scratchy sound of the zipper as it came undone echoing into the room, only increased my anticipation of what was to come. Once all was unfastened, he tried pushing my jeans down my hips but it was proving to be hard with one hand, so my own hands shot forward to help him, pushing my jeans down my legs and then kicking them the rest of the way off.

"You're so…" he groaned as his fingers slipped beneath my panties and to my awaiting wet folds. "Fuck, you're so wet… baby, is this all for me?" He asked hoarsely.

"Mhm… please touch me, Edward." I practically begged as my hips bucked into his hand. His mouth latched onto my neck, sucking and licking and biting, my eyes rolling into the back of my head in the process. He slid one finger into me slowly, a quick breath escaping me as he did. It was almost like being given air to breathe after choking. He slid his finger back out slowly, then back in, setting a torturously slow pace, leaving me begging for more.

"Take a look, baby." He demanded gently against my neck. I lifted my head up slightly, his lips leaving their assault on my skin as my eyes locked on his hand that was deliciously buried inside my panties. I honestly had not expected it but a burst of arousal erupted through me at the sight. Watching his hand concealed inside my panties, moving up and down as his finger slid in and out of me was one of the most erotic things I had witnessed. Even though my list of erotic things to witness was pretty minimal, I knew this would always be somewhere near the top.

I moaned out loud, my head leaning back against his chest as my eyes fluttered shut, the only thing my body willing to focus on was the work of Edward's magical fingers.

"Don't you love seeing my hand buried deep inside of you?" He mumbled against me, the heat of his breath sending a quiver to erupt through me. What was he doing to me? My body had surrendered itself to him, he owned it and he very well knew that as he continued to send my body into sparks of pleasure with the act of his fingers. "Where's your hand?" He asked and his voice pulled me – just enough to comprehend the words – out from the overly satisfied stupor I found myself in. He slid his finger out of me and out of my panties and grabbed my hand that I had rubbing up and down his thigh. "Trust me?" he breathed.

"Yes… always." I mumbled.

"Then, just try this one thing for me." he said, pulling my hand down between my thighs and slipping it under the cotton fabric. I gasped and tried to pull my hand back, nervous at touching myself as I had never attempted it before but Edward just grasped my hand back and tugged it back down beneath my panties.

"We'll go slow." He whispered into my ear reassuringly. I forced myself to relax and let him guide my hand freely. My middle finger met the top of my folds and I whimpered loudly when it made contact with my sensitive clit. "That's it." Edward appraised, a smile in his voice. He made my finger move in slow circles, constant whimpers escaping my lips at the pleasure that was escalating full swing. "Follow my finger, baby." He ordered softly, as his finger slipped past mine and down my lips to my opening. I let my finger slither down and gasped loudly at how wet I was. It felt so slick and wet and warm…so warm. "Fuck, you feel good… see how good you feel, baby?" He groaned into my ear.

"Yes… uh, Edward." I moaned as he pressed two fingers into me. I guided my finger back up to my bundle of nerves and began rubbing circles into it, my initial reluctance to the idea completely forgotten. The shot of pleasure that fired through me, made me cry out. Every part of me was being stimulated, by my finger, Edward's fingers, Edward's hand continuously pinching and rolling my puckered nipples and his warm, wet tongue on my neck.

Wanting to bring him the same pleasure he was bringing me, I reached my free hand behind me and fumbled, with difficulty, to undo the button and zipper of his cargos.

"Focus on yourself." He gasped into my ear when I rubbed my hand over his erection.

"Just… just let me touch you." I pleaded.

Reluctantly, his hands on my breasts slipped away and went straight for the button and zipper of his cargos. He undid them and managed to pull his dick out of his boxers. I hummed in approval when my hand wrapped out his cock, it felt so warm and smooth and _hard, _the skinstraining with how aroused he was.

"Fuck, Bella…." he moaned when I began to move my hand up and down his shaft, my other hand continuing to rub circles into my swollen clit. I was close, I could feel it.

"I'm… I'm close." I gasped, as his fingers began a relentless thrusting rhythm, the coil in the pit of my belly, tightening incredibly so.

"You like that, baby? See how good you feel? See how much I love touching you. I love you baby, I love your pussy and everything about you. Fuck…" he trailed off as my breathing turned into short loud pants, my hips bucking on their own accord, off the bed and into our hands. I suddenly felt him add a third finger into my tightness and I gasped loudly, loving the added friction.

With a final thrust of his fingers, I let go, my body quaking and arching off the bed as my legs shook. I gasped, my head flying back into his chest as my hand that was on his dick, slipped away, unable to focus on anything apart from the pleasure that forcefully washed over me.

I was left panting, my eyes opening and trying to adjust. Edward's fingers slid out of me as I tried to regain my composure. With a little movement, I felt his erection dig into my lower back again, reminding he still needed attending to. I sat up, turned around and roughly tugged his cargos down his legs, before tossing them to the floor. I wrapped my hand around his dick and began stroking him slowly but determinedly. His burning eyes locked with mine, his eyelids half mast, and the look he was giving me was enough to send another wave of arousal to shoot through me.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He murmured as his eyes slid shut for a moment.

I scooted back just enough to allow myself to lean forward and encase him into my mouth. He let out a guttural groan as his fingers threaded their way into my hair. I swirled my tongue around the head before pushing him all the way into mouth. My hand grasped the base, following the movements of my mouth as he had instructed me the first time I did it. Each time I'd reach the head of his cock, I'd swirl my tongue along the underside of his head's ridge before sinking back down over him, my lips tight and firm. The sounds of his short erratic breaths, spurred me on, making me put all I had into it.

"Fucking shit, motherfucker… fuck…" he groaned as his breaths turned loud. I felt him harden impossibly more in my mouth, as his grip in my hair tightened.

"That's it…" he grunted then groaned as his hips began to thrust slightly into my mouth. It wasn't long before he spilled his warm seed into my mouth, crying out as he did. It wasn't something I particularly thought I would like to do, swallowing that is, but I guess when you love someone so much, you'd do anything to make them feel good and make the experience as pleasurable for them as possible. And I didn't seem to mind it all that much either.

I slipped him out of my mouth, quite proud of myself, and found him with his head thrown back and eyes shut. He was breathing was slowing but still quicker than normal. His face was peaceful and content and I did an internal fist pump for bringing him such calm. A rarity for him.

His eyes fluttered open slightly and met mine just as his lop sided grin formed across his face. I grinned back at him just as he held his hands out for me. As soon as I scooted forward enough to be in his reach, his hands seized my hips and pulled me against him. He grabbed at the tangled covers, as the bed had not been made that day and pulled it over us. I nuzzled my cheek against his chest and basked in the feel of his arms wrapping around me.

"You're too perfect." He mumbled into my hair before we both drifted off to sleep.

I was unsure how long I had actually been asleep when I eventually woke up but the room was shrouded in darkness; the only source of light was the glow of the full moon that shone bright through the thin curtains of Edward's room. The blinds had been left open.

I tried to sit up but Edward's grip tightened around my waist. I was hoping it wasn't past my curfew of eleven because I wasn't particularly looking forward to having to deal with Charlie if that was the case. I craned my neck, trying to get a glimpse of the bed side clock that sat on Edward's side of the bed but I still couldn't see it clearly.

"Edward?" I whispered as I tried to lift his arm off of me. He groaned lightly but didn't budge. "Edward… baby, get up." I tried again. He mumbled a few incomprehensible words as he grudgingly shifted off me. His hands flew to his face, the heels of his palms rubbing into his eyes.

Finally free from the imprisonment of his grasp, I reached over and flicked the switch of the bed side lamp, illuminating the room in a gentle soft orange glow. I sat myself up, scrubbed my own hands over my face before taking a glance at the alarm clock once again. Ten, it read. I had an hour to get home.

I glanced down at Edward, who lay on his back, his hands resting behind his head, his eyes closed and face peaceful. It seemed like he had fallen back asleep as his chest rose and fell with his slow long breaths. I took a moment to admire the muscles in his shoulders and arms as they strained with his position. The curves and grooves, sculpted to perfection, his skin soft and white with the little sprinkling of hair poking out of the top of his wife beater. The blanket now lay against the hem of his black boxers, his wife-beater raised up with the position of his arms, leaving a good patch of his abs on display for me.

Without a thought, I reached my hand out and ran my fingers lightly over the light brown hair of his happy trail, his muscles beneath my fingers twitching with the contact. I cast my eyes up toward his face and found him gazing at me with a lazy smile.

"That feels so fucking soothing." He mumbled.

"Yeah?" I asked, smiling back at him, my fingers continuing to brush over the toned muscles.

He released his arms from behind his head and sat up, cupping one side of my face with his hand and pressing a delicate kiss to my lips. He was always so tough and rough that whenever I'd get a glimpse of this soft and gentle side of him, it never ceased to make me grin. He could switch between the two so quickly, that it'd almost give me whiplash.

He pushed me back till I was lying down again and he was hovering over me. I could surprisingly feel his erection against my thigh.

"You're hard." I said with a little amusement.

He chuckled. "Yeah, the work of your fingers did that. With a guy, we tend to get hard sometimes just from being extremely relaxed, it doesn't necessarily mean anything sexual."

"Poor guys." I giggled.

"Why's that?" He asked reading my eyes.

"Because the slightest thing seems to give you a hard on, isn't it… um… inconvenient at times?" I asked, hoping I used the right choice of word.

"Yeah, you should see when we're 13 and 14, practically anything gets us hard."

"Well, thank goodness I'm not a guy."

"Yeah, thank goodness you're not." He chuckled shaking his head. He tipped forward and nuzzled my neck, his mouth placing sweet kisses up along the length of it and down toward the curve of the top of my breasts. His hand trailed up from my hip to palm my breast, squeezing and pinching the nipple through the fabric of my bra. They hardened immediately under his touch.

"I need to get home." I murmured reluctantly. He raised his head to meet my eyes but his hands remained at my breasts, this time pulling the cup down and rolling the exposed bud between his thumb and forefinger. "Don't do this." I whispered, and even to my own ears I could hear that I didn't sound convincing.

"Do what?" he asked innocently, smirking at me, his hand moving to the other breast and doing exactly the same. I placed my palms flat against his chest and pushed him away, knowing he had no intention of stopping anytime soon. "You're mean." He pouted as his hands slipped away from me and sat up, straddling my legs. He looked so adorable and innocent pouting that I couldn't help but shoot up and throw my arms around him, my hands threading through the soft mess of his hair. He didn't question my sudden attack, his arms just circled my waist, pressing me against him tightly as his head buried itself in the nook of my neck.

Ultimately, we managed to disentangle ourselves from one another and get out of bed. I pulled my jeans and hoodie on quickly but a quick glance in the mirror made me realize that my hair said it all. It was a mess… bed hair, sex hair, whatever you wanted to call it. Luckily I always kept a hair elastic around my wrist. I used my fingers to brush it back as best I could and pull it up into a loose pony tail, securing it with the elastic.

Before long, we were in the car and driving over to Charlie's. Edward gave me a chaste kiss once he'd pulled up to the curb outside before I stepped out with promise to be ready by four the next day to head back to Forks.

He drove away once I'd stepped inside the front door, making sure I got in safely. As I quietly shut the door, I could hear the faint sound of the TV coming from the lounge. I wasn't in the mood to deal with Charlie now about the way he'd treated Edward but it looked like it was inevitable. I tip toed quietly toward the lounge, hoping that Charlie was asleep and I hadn't woken him with my arrival. When I rounded the corner, I found him, in fact, asleep, sprawled out on the couch and snoring lightly. Three empty beer bottles sat on the coffee table beside him. I frowned at the empty bottles, hoping this wasn't a common occurrence every night.

I padded my way over to him and quietly informed him of my arrival. He opened one eye, registering me for a second before he mumbled something incoherent, turned on his side on the narrow couch and went back to sleep. Realizing there was nothing more I could do, I grabbed a blanket from the closet just down the hall and covered him with it, before switching the TV off and heading up to my room.

The next morning after a lonely breakfast, as Charlie was back at work, I decided I'd clean up his house before I left. It was obvious the house was in desperate need of it. After vacuuming both floors, dusting all the surfaces, tidying up the mess of old magazines and newspapers and cleaning the bathroom, it was hitting two in the afternoon. Satisfied I did what I could, I set off to my room to pack up my stuff.

Charlie arrived home at three, just as I was pouring myself a glass of apple juice. He tossed his keys on the kitchen table and stood behind a chair, his hands resting on the back of it. I turned to face him, bringing my glass to my lips and taking a little sip, knowing there was a huge elephant in the room that needed acknowledging before I set off.

"You slept on the couch all night?" I asked, deciding I had to break the silence before I screamed.

"Ah… I got up around three or so and went to bed." He shrugged. "Thanks for covering me."

"No problem." I answered, gulping down the rest of my juice before turning back to the sink to rinse it out.

"I see you cleaned, you didn't have to do that, Bells."

"I wanted to." I stated placing the glass on the dish rack. "It was the least I could do." I said turning back to him.

"Well, thank you." His eyes darted around the kitchen for a moment before he spoke again, "Edward's picking you up I presume?" he asked.

"Yep, he should be here soon, actually." I said glancing briefly at the clock on the wall.

"Look Bella…" he began with a sigh. "I know you're mad at me for the way I acted yesterday but you have to understand that you're my daughter and if I see something-"

"Dad," I said cutting him off. "Please. You didn't even give him a chance to act himself-"

"He smokes Bella. He walked in smelling like an ash tray. He curses and doesn't seem to understand manners all that well."

"Well, all that doesn't really matter. He treats me good and cares for me so much. Just because he has a few habits that aren't up to your standards, doesn't make him a bad person." I retorted dismally.

"I know that, but you could do better-"

"No, I can't. He is all I want. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. Renee has met him and likes him despite those few small habits."

"Your mother has never been the best judge of character." He scowled.

"Dad," I said pleadingly.

"Bells, look… I know you're a smart girl and I've always taken pride in the fact that you've got a good head on your shoulders. I just… I guess I can't do anything but trust that your judgment is correct."

"Thank you." I responded genuinely.

"You're my baby girl, I just want you happy." He said quietly. After a moment, I closed the distance between us and hugged him, thankful for his understanding, no matter how late it may be. His arms tentatively wrapped around me in an awkward embrace in response, patting me lightly on the back.

When we pulled back, he gave me a small smile and squeezed my shoulders gently. "Anything that makes you smile like that is nothing I can deny you."

I smiled back at him, satisfied that he was willing to trust my judgment. I had no qualms about my relationship with Edward and nothing Charlie or anyone could say would change ever that. I was confident with my relationship with Edward. Things have just started running smoothly for us and I was hoping that this was just the beginning.

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**Unfortunately THE didn't win its nomination in the Twitastic Awards but that's alright, it was great just to be nominated :-D**

**luv4jakes blog **http:/luv4jake(dot)blogspot(dot)com/?zx=7edafee44c97ab1f

**One of my other readers Dukesa31 has been so great and made two videos for THE... one representing the first 12 chapters and the second for chapter 25. Here are the links for both, check them out, they're great!**

http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=Bz_LiEQS9JE

http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=fDyM8BhyRk0&playnext_from=TL&videos=9BFHq77F1pU

**Ok, I'll be going on vacation in 2 weeks for 6 weeks and I hate to say but there won't be any updates in that time, I just wont have the time or the internet access for it. I will try to get one more chapter out before I go in 2 weeks but I can't make any promises. This story will finish, I'm not abandoning it. Its only going to be 6 weeks where there will be no update. I'm sorry if that's really long but there is nothing I can do about it, I just hope you understand :)**

**Let me know what you thought on that chapter! See you soon, if not then see you in a few weeks!  
**


	29. Only You

**A/N - I'm baaack! Miss me? Well, I missed you all thats for sure and my beloved Smokeward missed you all too! **

**Sorry for the delay, after I got back from holidays, it was difficult trying to get back into the mind frame of THE but all was good in the end. **

**Many thanks to my wonderful beta luv4jake who has been sick for the past week or so and wasn't able to beta properly up until today. **

**Stormyinco and Debbiss mwa! Love you!**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters, all I own is some new bed sheets :-)

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**EPOV**

"Mmm, fuck this is good."

I glanced up at Emmett through my lashes and raised an eyebrow at him. The guy always found it necessary to constantly show his appraisal of a meal. Well, it was that or the fucker just liked moaning and groaning.

I shook my head as he dragged his spoon across his plate, scraping up the remnants of what once was his lasagna.

"This needs another serving for sure." He said dropping his fork onto the plate with a loud 'clank'and stretching out to reach for the lasagna that sat in the middle of the table. He cut out another decent serving and plopped it onto his plate, his eyes ravenous as if he hadn't eaten in days.

"Pass the bread, will you?" He asked me, his eyes fixed to his plate as he sectioned off a bite sized piece with his fork. I glanced at the basket of bread that sat in front of me then turned my gaze to Emmett, my brow raised in question.

"What's the magic word?" I asked. He stopped mid chew, his eyes finally meeting mine and narrowing in annoyance.

"Just pass the fucking bread will you." He demanded irritably around a mouthful of lasagna.

"Boys, language." Carlisle admonished, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"That's right Emmett, _fucking_ language. Manners. What's the fucking magic word?" That earned a pointed look from the Doc.

With an agitated sigh, Emmett pushed his chair back, stood up, and reached for the bread basket himself. I smirked in satisfaction before returning to my plate of lasagna. I wasn't a big fan of the pasta but I was starving since Emmett had forced my ass to the gym.

The last time I'd been to the gym was a week before we made the move to Forks. It was something I had enjoyed doing back in Seattle, especially when your older brother was like your personal trainer. He was great like that and I have to admit I couldn't ask for a better older brother but that didn't mean I don't enjoy giving him shit from time to time.

The only reason I had agreed to working out was not because I was starting to gain a little weight, (which I had anyways) but because those afternoons when Bella would be working at Newton's I'd find myself a little lost with what to do with my time while I waited for her to get back. There was homework but that was never good enough in shifting my thoughts and I think Emmett was getting sick of me looking so lost, so he forced my ass to the gym with him and to be honest, I'm glad he did, despite the fact that every muscle in my body was fucking aching at the moment. Yeah, it had definitely been way too long.

"Alright, I'm done." I announced, standing up and carrying my half eaten lasagna to the sink.

"If you didn't like dinner, Edward, then I would have made you something else." Carlisle said as I was scouring the left overs on my plate into the trash can.

"Nope, I'm fine. I'm full anyways."

With a quick glance at the clock I saw that it was only 5:30, still way too early for bed. I decided I'd go upstairs and take a quick shower before spending some time on my music. Bella was heading out with the girls for dinner after her shift at Newton's tonight, so I wasn't going to be seeing her, unfortunately.

I stripped out of my clothes and groaned as my aching muscles protested the movements. I think I really may have over done it today.

I stood under the spray of the warm water longer than normal and cranked up the heat till it was pretty much scorching. The hotter, the better. It would soothe my aching muscles some.

Back in my room, in nothing but a pair of jeans and a lit cigarette between my lips, I grabbed Daisy off the wall and walked over to my bed with her. I cracked my fingers a little then cradled her in my lap and began to fondle the strings in a soft melody, surrendering myself to the pull that music always had over me.

The song I had practiced for Bella was coming along really well. I still hadn't mentioned anything to her about it. In fact, I hadn't even told her that I was playing my guitar again.

Stubbing out my cigarette in the ash tray Bella had purchased for me on the ride back from Seattle, I began playing the tune of one of my favorite songs that reminded of me of her so much. I'd been fiddling with a few songs over the past few days, and I was surprised by the inspiration that kept hitting me. I'd gone 2 years without anything but that may very well have been because I'd given it no chance, I'd completely closed off that side of myself that I wasn't open to any kind of inspiration. But now that I had given myself the chance to play again, it seemed to be just flowing right out of me and I knew a huge part of it had to do with Bella - because everything that I seemed to be playing was revolving around her.

Christmas in Seattle had gone a lot smoother than I had anticipated. Being back was unsettling, that was something that I just couldn't escape and I think I had come to terms with that fact before I left Forks. The gnawing sting in my chest picked up its momentum as we approached Seattle but with Bella by my side, it was bearable. She helped me forget.

Heidi absolutely loved her, claiming she was 'sweet' and 'funny' but complained that she didn't get enough of a chance to hang out with her properly, which to be honest was entirely my fault. I tend to get greedy when it comes to Bella.

Her gift was something that I had bought for her the day before we left. I was out on my own at the store, figuring I didn't need Jasper or Emmett yapping in my ear as I tried to focus on my options. I walked into the electronics store just randomly, and as soon as my eyes landed on the cameras I knew that's what she needed. She had mentioned that in the past she had used her mother's old Canon to take shots and I knew how close photography seemed to be to her and how she longed to get back into it. I was hoping a new camera would give her that kick start she needed. I'd love to be present when she went out to take some shots, to see her in her element.

Price wasn't the issue and when I scanned the selection before me in the store, my eyes didn't even venture to the price tags. I checked out the features of each one, as that was the most important aspect and to be honest I had no idea what the fuck I was looking for, so I had to ask for assistance. The sales guy rattled off the Canon's features, claiming it was one of its best on the market and had gotten rave reviews about its easy functions and clear pictures. I was sold.

I knew she'd flip. That was just Bella when it came to someone spoiling her but I actually hadn't expected her to really know the price of that fucker. But she did, she knew her cameras obviously, which I should've known. I tried not to take offense knowing she was being _somewhat _reasonable, because I'd probably react the same way if she had splurged on me, but I couldn't help it and I snapped. And then the _I love you _came out.

It was a relief and a shock to the system. I was glad to have finally gotten it out but petrified of her reaction. And when she sat there before me, in stunned silence, I assumed I had fucked up. So I turned to leave, the sting of rejection beginning to form a gaping whole in my chest.

But she returned the words. And the fucking emotions that washed over me were absolutely inexplicable. I loved her and there was no fucking doubt about that.

I carefully placed Daisy back on the bed beside me and walked over to my desk drawer and pulled it open. I grabbed my bottle of Stolichnaya, uncapped it and took a couple of long swigs, reveling in the warm burn as it slid down my throat and tingled around my chest.

My head snapped to my door as it flew open.

"Let's hang out, I'm bored." Emmett said casually walking over to my bed and slumping himself down on the edge of it. I watched him with a fixed glare, waiting for him to look at me. He knows I _hate it _when he just barges in, so he knows not to do it.

"I was thinking, we could play _Halo _or something, watch a movie, maybe." He suggested still oblivious to me. He reclined back on my bed and absently scrubbed his hands through his hair.

"I was hoping to see Rosie but she's out with Bella as you know. Let's call Jazzie boy, get him over here… what'dya think?" He asked, finally turning his head to look at me.

"I suggest you fucking knock on the door the next time you decide to just fucking barge in like that you dick."

"Oh." He said, but then just shrugged and turned his gaze toward the ceiling. "So?" He asked, completely dismissing what I'd just said.

I sighed heavily then took another swig of vodka, "Whatever, I don't really give a fuck to be honest."

He pursed his lips at me but said nothing as he sat himself back up. When he noticed Daisy on the bed beside him, he picked her up and laid her in his lap.

"Emmett, watch it." I said in warning. I was pretty protective of Daisy and hated anyone touching her.

"Chill, brother." He said as he picked at the strings lazily. Emmett didn't know how to play guitar but he'd picked up a few chords of tunes that I'd played over the years. He was playing a few random chords that eventually led into _Jingle Bells_ which was the only song he really knew how to play.

"Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg…" He sang. I rolled my eyes at his stupidity then walked over to him and held my hands out for Daisy. He huffed but handed her over.

"Fucking party pooper, I swear."

"Speaking of parties," I said as I returned Daisy to her safe place on the wall. "Are you going to Marcus' party tomorrow night?" Marcus apparently, according to Jasper, held a massive New Years Eve party at his house every year.

"Yeah, we are. All of us. You don't want to go?" He asked, grabbing the Stoli bottle from my bed side table and taking a drink.

"Well, not really. But… what else is there to do around here, anyways?"

"Its New Years Eve, everyone will be pissed drunk and partying hard. I thought that was the perfect atmosphere for you."

"Not so much anymore." I replied honestly.

"Rosie said her and the girls have planned a dinner before hand."

"Yeah? Well, maybe it all won't be so bad. I guess it's a good excuse to get shit faced." I responded. "It _has _been a while."

"Any excuse is a good excuse to get shit faced." Emmett grinned.

"Yeah, especially with Tequila." I smirked and wiggled my eyebrows. I watched with amusement as his grin turned into a frown.

"Yeah, just the thought of tequila has me queasy." He said rubbing his stomach obviously remembering Halloween.

I got a text from Bella just before eleven that night, stating she had just gotten home from dinner with the girls. She promised she'd be at my place in the morning with breakfast and coffee.

And that's exactly what I woke up to the following morning. She walked in clad in the leather jacket I had gotten her as her second Christmas present - considering she was always in mine - and a paper bag of pastries and a tray of coffees. We ate in my room as she recalled her night to me. She'd had a lot of fun and had enjoyed the time she had with just the girls, something they hadn't done in a while.

To my disappointment she was meeting them again at around two to get ready for that night. Alice had planned for the three of them to get dressed and 'prettied up' for the party. Alice's words not mine. We hung out in my room for the rest of the morning, just watching movies and making out like the horning teenagers we were but I have to say, after the 'I love you's', it all seemed so fucking significant now. It was a deeper expression of the love we felt, not just a result of physical attraction.

_Fuck, I sound like a pussy._

After promising to be back over at seven with the girls - since we were all meeting at my place - she left, leaving me alone once again. I spent the next couple of hours on homework and even played a game of _Halo_ with Emmett but got my ass thoroughly kicked. Jasper arrived at five, already dressed for the night in some dark jeans and a long-sleeved T underneath and a beige jacket. We hung out in front of the TV with some beers, till I decided it was time to go up and get ready.

After a shower, I was back in my room and in front of my closet with the dilemma of what to wear. With a quick scan of what I had, I ended up in some faded jeans, a white button up shirt and my leather jacket. With my Doc Martens on, and a rough hand through my hair, I was done.

Just as I was closing up the speakers of my stereo, after taking a few hits of marijuana, there was a light knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I called out, hoping to God it wasn't Carlisle. He was supposed to be at work but he was in and out so frequently, you just never knew.

Without an answer the door popped open and Bella's head peeked through the opening. She smiled sweetly as her eyes found me before she stepped in all the way and leaned her back against the door so that it clicked shut.

I smiled crookedly at her as I let my eyes roam her body. She was in a short peach colored dress that reached the tops of her knees. She wore a short black jacket on top and some cute silver colored ballet flats on her feet.

I approached her slowly, unable to veer my gaze away from her. Her lips parted slightly as I approached, the noticeable rise and fall of her chest quickening. I placed both palms on either side of her head against the door once I'd reached her, and leaned my face down so that it was only an inch or two away from hers. I bore my gaze into hers, admiring her beauty with every ounce I had in me.

"Hey." I breathed.

"Hi." She murmured, her eyes locked onto my lips. She licked her own, before meeting her eyes with mine.

"You look… so incredibly beautiful tonight."

"Thank you. You look handsome yourself."

"That I already know." I smirked. The corner of her lips curled into a smile as she shook her head at me. I let my nose run along her jaw, the quickening of her breaths evident as I made my way to her ear, over her cheekbones and to her nose, where I brushed the tip of my nose against hers. Her eyes were soft but hungry, darting to my lips continuously. I took a step back and ran a hand through my hair and tried to fight back my laughter as I watched the evident shock flash across her face.

"What?" I chuckled, trying to sound oblivious.

Her eyes narrowed, no longer fooled by my acting before she closed the distance between us and to my surprise licked my jaw. An involuntarily groan escaped me at the feel of her warm and wet tongue against my skin. She came to turn and leave but I grabbed her by the hand and thrust her back against the door, before smashing my lips to hers, plunging my tongue deep into her mouth.

She whimpered at the contact, her hands flying around my neck and meeting my kiss with just as much enthusiasm as me. We clutched, dragged and raked our hands all over each other, as our breathing became labored. My dick was at full attention, hard and ready for her.

I thrust it against her, lifting her thigh over my hip to meet her exactly where she needed me most. She cried out into my mouth, prying her lips away from mine to catch her breath somewhat. My lips continued on down her neck, tasting the faint saltiness of her skin.

"Stop." She said suddenly, trying to push me away against my shoulders.

"Why?" and I hate to admit but I sounded like a wounded puppy.

"Because it's really escalating and as much as I'd love to stay here and continue, we're running late."

Always the voice of reason.

I pulled away, taking a step back and running my hands through my hair a few times to try and tame it a little.

"Don't look so sad." She giggled at me.

I glanced at her and smiled, "Can't help it."

"There's always later." She offered, stepping forward and attempting to fix the collar of my shirt.

"Yeah… I guess there always fucking is."

xx-xx

Twenty minutes later, we headed out to the diner for dinner. The place was pretty full but we managed to find a table that fit the six of us. After a waitress came by and took our orders, casual conversation began just as my hand slipped onto Bella's naked thigh. Her hand immediately came to rest over mine, linking our fingers together and smiling at me softly. I knew it was her way of stopping my hand from wandering. To be honest, I was desperate to see what she was wearing beneath that skirt.

"… if he shaves his head, you'd see it clearly." I had just caught the last part of Emmett's story and when I focused back on everyone, I realized they were all staring at me expectantly.

"Come again?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Fuck, what planet were you on, bro?" Emmett snickered with a shake of his head. _The planet concerning Bella's panties, that's what._

"Fuck you, just tell me what you were talking about?"

"When you were seven years old and you fell out of that tree we had in the yard, after you tried to climb it to catch that parakeet that was always up there. Remember how you fell, split your head open." Emmett said.

"Yeah, of course I remember. Broke my arm too."

"You broke your arm?" Bella asked from beside me.

"Yeah, falling out of the tree." I answered. "And that was your fault by the way!" I said to Emmett who let his jaw drop in mock horror. "You told me that if I caught that bird, mom would give me twenty dollars." I finished, clearing my throat uncomfortably at the mention of our mom.

"Yeah, well. I thought it would be entertaining to watch you try and climb the tree but seriously dude, I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to really climb all the way to the top."

"I was seven, twenty dollars sounded like a lot. And you know how I am with challenges."

"True that, true that." Emmett agreed.

By the time we'd eaten and Emmett was satisfied he'd eaten enough, we raised ourselves from our seats and headed back to our cars to meet at Marcus' house.

The place was absolutely bursting by the time we arrived at ten. You could hear the pounding of the music's beat from a few houses down and as we walked up his driveway, you could clearly see just how teeming the place was. It seemed there was more than just the crowd of Forks in there.

With Bella's hand entwined in mine, we stepped inside, the smell of smoke and sweating bodies grinding to the beat, assaulting us. Emmett and Rosalie walked in ahead of us, while Jasper and Alice were close behind us.

Marcus, who seemed already pretty intoxicated, approached Emmett and slung his big arm over his shoulder before dragging him away along with Rosalie.

"Let's get some drinks." Jasper suggested to me over the music as he passed Bella and I. So dragging Bella along, we followed Jasper's lead, ending up at their home bar, a wide array of alcohol at our disposal.

"Give me a tequila shot." I said to Jasper, who took no hesitation in circling the bar and organizing drinks. There were two other guys I'd never seen before beside him as well, pouring themselves some drinks.

"What would you like?" I asked Bella leaning down to speak into her ear. Her eyes were on Jasper as he poured two shot glasses of Tequila.

"Tequila." She answered.

"Alright," I smirked.

"You know what Jazz, make it four. The girls wanna have fun too." He grinned at me as he reached off to the side to grab another two plastic shot glasses.

I grabbed the small salt shaker that was sitting in front of Jazz and turned to Bella with a crooked grin. I let my fingers slip out of her hand only to grab her wrist and turn it over, face up. Her eyes darted to mine and watched my face as I sprinkled a little salt onto her wrist.

I grabbed a lime wedge, sitting among others in a small platter and held it in front of her mouth.

"Open up, baby." Her lips parted just enough for me to place the lime wedge in between, her teeth clamping down to hold it in place.

"Thanks Jazz." I said as I grabbed one shot from the four and turned my attention back to Bella, ignoring Jasper and Alice who threw back their shots together.

I raised her wrist to my mouth and let my tongue dart out to lick the salt off her wrist. Her eyes locked onto my tongue as I ran it slowly over her wrist a few times, growing heavy with lust. I threw the shot back, slammed it down onto the bar, then circled my arm around Bella's waist and tugged her against me. Bending forward, I captured the lime that sat nestled between her lips and sucked, involuntarily groaning as I did. I ripped the lime from between her teeth, removed it from my mouth with my hand before returning my lips to hers. She tasted warm and sweet as she kissed me back.

I pulled away all too soon, knowing there was a crowd of people around us. She grinned up at me, as I smirked down at her, feeling a little light headed already.

"My turn." She said with a mischievous smirk.

She grabbed my hand and licked my wrist slowly and seductively before pouring a little salt in place. She placed a lime wedge between my teeth and I fucking growled when she squeezed a little of its juice over my lips first.

Holding her shot glass with one hand, she lapped up the salt off my wrist with her warm tongue, then threw her shot back. Reaching up on the tips of her toes just a little, she bit down on the lime and sucked. She tried to bite it out from between my teeth like I had done with her but I didn't let go. She got a tear of it and then stepped back looking annoyed. I spat the left over lime into the palm of my hand and chuckled at her expression. Tossing them both into a near by trash, I grabbed her hand and led her away.

We found Jasper and Alice sitting in a corner on a love seat, cuddled together as they watched everyone dance around them. _Lady Gaga's Telephone_ was playing so the dance floor was going off. I took the arm chair beside Jasper and Alice and pulled Bella down into lap pretty roughly, purposely making sure she landed over my cock. She squealed lightly in surprise, her head snapping around to stare at me in shock. I shrugged a shoulder and gave her a leering smile in response. Her eyes narrowed, before she turned back around to face everyone. Alice and Jasper seemed oblivious to our little exchange.

Alice turned to speak to her, so Bella leaned forward to hear her properly, effectively making her ass press harder into my dick. I knew without a doubt she was pushing down harder on purpose just to torture me.

She began wriggling a bit as she spoke, once again, I was positive it was all exaggerated so when I couldn't take the torture no more, I gripped her hips and stilled her, my head flying back to rest against the back of the couch as I tried to fight off my wood. She obeyed thankfully, and when she was done chatting, she came back to rest comfortably over me. I sat forward, my chest to her back and brought my lips to her ear.

"You're not a good little girl anymore, are you?" I whispered.

Her hand reached back behind her, so that she was gripping the back of my neck, holding me in place. It was her turn, to turn her lips to my ear and whisper.

"You make them good girls go bad, remember?"

I groaned in response but before I could say anything more, she was being pulled out of my lap. Rosalie was pulling her and Alice away into the crowd of dancers. Bella pouted at me as she was being pulled away because I knew how she felt when it came to dancing but she wasn't fighting too hard, obviously the Tequila was helping her some.

On the other hand, I needed more than one shot of tequila to take any sort of affect, so I called Emmett and Jasper to follow me back to the bar. I mixed a simple coke and vodka in a glass and Jasper seemed to have the same. Emmett settled for Red Bull with vodka.

A blonde girl, I'd never seen before approached Jasper. She appeared a little tipsy as they all seemed to be. She leaned up and whispered something into his ear. Jasper smirked at her before leaning down and saying something back into her ear. She pulled back and grinned at him before turning away and strutting off… a little sluggishly.

"What did you say?" I asked, standing beside him.

"She told me I was cute. So I told her I was taken but that I had a brother who was out the back and looking for someone to talk to." He shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Good dodge."

"Thank you." He drawled, tipping his head slightly.

I spotted Seth among the crowd with Paul which meant that Jacob must be here also. I pushed off the bar, telling Jasper that I was going to go look for Bella. He said he'd follow me to find Alice.

Truthfully, I was looking for Bella to make sure she wasn't being harassed by Jake. Well, I couldn't fucking call it 'harassing' when he was her best friend and she fucking enjoyed his company but that didn't falter my need to find her.

It took a while, considering the place was packed but I eventually found her by the bathrooms, talking and laughing with Alice, Rosalie, Jake and Mike.

Mike was standing too close for comfort so I walked right up to them and slipped in behind Bella, wrapping my arms around her waist possessively.

"Hey, Edward." Mike said with a small smile. I nodded in greeting and cast my eyes over toward Jake. He was staring at me but for once it wasn't like he wanted to bash me.

"Jake, how are you?" I asked with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, like you care." He responded dryly.

I tall girl approached then, with tan skin and short straight black hair. She was in a short cream sweater dress and some knee high boots. She stood beside Jacob and linked her hand in his. I furrowed my brows in confusion, wondering who the fuck she was and why she was holding the dickhead's hand.

"Who's that?" I whispered into Bella's ear after my curiousness became too much.

"Ugh, that's Leah." She said with a hint of disgust. "She goes to school down at the Reservation."

"Oh." I said mulling over the tone of her voice, "And you don't like her?"

"Well, she doesn't like me, never has… hates the fact that Jake and I have always been close. She's been chasing him forever."

"How ironic." I chuckled, considering Jake had been chasing Bella for years.

My eyes focused back on Leah, as she snuggled into Jake's big form but he didn't seem too interested. I was a little giddy at the show in front of me, maybe now he'd realize how annoying it is to be the one being chased when no feelings were reciprocated.

It wasn't long before Leah pulled Jake away to dance. Emmett approached us again, swaying slightly and reeking of alcohol.

"Little bro!" He cheered. I groaned in annoyance because drunk Emmett was always overly enthusiastic.

"How much have you had?" I asked him. He buried his face into Rosalie's neck and I had to turn away when he started placing open mouthed kisses along the column of her neck. "Fuck me." I muttered. Bella giggled as she turned in my arms, linking her hands behind my neck.

I gazed into her eyes and smiled softly, loving the feel of her warm small body pressed against mine. It took everything in me to stop my hands from resting over her ass. Or slipping under her skirt.

"What panties are you wearing?" I asked into her ear.

"A thong." My eyes almost bugged out of my head.

"You're fucking with me."

"Nuh uh. Its lace too." She giggled. I growled into her ear and tried to fight my sudden erection. It was going to have to wait.

I turned my attention back to Emmett and Rosalie. She was whispering something into his ear, to which his tongue darted out to lick his lips hungrily. She then grabbed his hand and began to pull him away.

"Where are you going?" I asked him.

"Sorry bro, gotta go. Remember, he who hesitates, masturbates!" He called over his shoulder as he retreated. Jasper, who had just appeared with Alice, burst into a fit of laughter which Bella eventually joined. I shook my head at him, it was something I'd heard from him often so it was nothing new.

"Let's go outside." I said to Bella with a tug of her hand.

Stepping out into the cold night, I removed my jacket and placed it over Bella's shoulders.

"You're going to get cold." She said, eyeing my white shirt with concern.

"I'm fine."

I walked around to the side of the house, out of view of everyone inside and leaned against the porch railing. The only light came from an outdoor sconce that hung from the side of the house. Bella stood in front of me, and after lighting a cigarette, I used my free hand to wrap around her waist and pull her against me. Her arms circled my waist, as she gazed up at me, smiling softly. I smiled crookedly at her then held the cigarette to her lips, silently requesting she take a drag. She wrapped her lips around it and took a draw, her eyes locked with mine and then exhaled out to the side. The sight never ceased to make my dick stand at attention.

"Having fun?" I asked after a while. I parted my feet slightly and sunk down a little so that I was face to face with her. She weaved her fingers through my hair, her eyes staring into mine with an incredible intensity. We just stood there, staring at each other, oblivious to our surroundings, to the pounding beat inside, the cold of the night. It was just us two.

"Yep." She answered as she let her hands slip out of my hair to grab onto the collar of my shirt. She began gnawing away on her lip, her eyes in deep focus, her mind whirling with thoughts. I could read her so easily sometimes.

"What's the matter?" I asked, pressing her against me even closer. I flicked my cigarette butt out onto the grass behind me then let my hands glide down to rest over her ass where I pressed her against my cock. I could never get enough of her.

"I just… I never thought I'd feel for someone the way I feel about you." She confessed, her eyes turning cautious with her admission. I was taken aback by her honesty. Her feelings for me were something that I wasn't going to get used to anytime soon. "I mean, everyone dreams of finding love but I never figured it'd feel this intense and this strong and just-"

I silenced her with a kiss, pouring every bit of emotion I had into it. I couldn't take it anymore, couldn't take listening to her declare how much she loved me. It scared me, it terrified me how invested she was and don't get me wrong, I fucking was too and that terrified me just as much. I loved her more than I ever thought possible of loving someone. It was completely fucking overwhelming and my heart was struggling to deal with the onslaught of love and need I felt for her. I needed more of her.

One hand trailed up to cup her face, tilting her head back as I let my tongue dart out to meet hers. We both moaned into each others mouths, the kiss fervent and intense, needy and passionate. Loud voices and heavy footsteps yanked us out of our bubble. My eyes immediately cast over Bella's shoulder to see Jessica and Mike stumbling out together, Jessica clutching onto Mike to prevent herself from toppling over. Both of their eyes washed over us but neither seemed to acknowledge our presence as they continued on down the steps and onto the grassed area.

Jessica lifted a bottle of wine to her lips and took a long guzzle. Mike snickered as he watched.

"Miiikeeeyyyy!" She hollered before stumbling and falling onto her ass. Mike dropped to his knees and clutched his stomach as he howled with laughter. I shook my head and returned my attention back to Bella, who was watching them with amusement. I entwined my fingers with hers and pulled her back inside the house.

The rest of the night was spent inside. Truthfully, I was just waiting for it to hit midnight so I could whisk Bella away and have her all to myself.

At ten to midnight everyone gathered outside in the yard, awaiting the fireworks show. Word got around that fireworks were let off every New Year at a Lake not far from where we were, so we waited patiently.

As midnight continued to creep closer, I pulled off to the side, away from the mass of people and held Bella close, wanting to give her a midnight kiss she would never forget.

"Ten!" Everyone yelled, counting down the seconds. I turned Bella around so that she was facing me and smiled down at her.

"Nine!"

"Eight!"

My hands found purchase on her waist, pulling her to me.

"Seven!"

I watched as everyone began to couple up, preparing for the strike of midnight.

"Six!"

"Five!"

"Happy New Year, sweet girl." I uttered softly.

"Three!"

"Happy New Year, Edward. I love you."

"One!"

"I love you, too."

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

My lips found hers in an instant, my fingers gripping onto her waist desperately as I held her close. The explosion of fireworks faded into the distant for us, completely forgotten as we basked in each other, oblivious to everything and everyone around us. She whimpered into my mouth, her fingers sliding into the hair at the nape of my neck and crushing me harder against her lips. Her tongue darted out first, brushing against my lips but I left no room for hesitation, parting my lips and plunging my tongue deep into her mouth.

Sweet Jesus, she tasted incredible.

XX-XX

"Mmm, that feels good, don't stop."

"Yeah?"

"Fuck yeah."

"You like that…"

"I love it, your fingers are just…mmm."

"Don't fall asleep!"

"I won't." I mumbled.

"Edward!"

"Alright, alright, I'm up." I grumbled. I scrubbed my hands over my face and forced myself to sit up, effectively slipping Bella's fingers out of my hair. I had been lying on the floor with my head in her lap, just enjoying the feel of her fingers brushing through my hair and scalp. It was almost as good as sex.

_Almost._

Nothing is as good as sex.

"Whoops." She giggled.

"My hair?"

"Yep, but I love it." She smirked, lifting herself to her knees and moving to straddle my lap, where I sat crossed legged on the floor in front of her.

It was close to 1:30am in the morning and it seemed neither of us was close to sleeping. We'd slipped our shoes and jackets off and collapsed on the floor of my bedroom as soon as we had walked through the door, just desperate to relax and let loose. Everyone was still at the party from what I knew and Carlisle was working. Thankfully, we had the house to ourselves.

"Can't believe the year is over." She mumbled after a long silence into my shoulder.

"It was a pretty good year, too. Wasn't such a motherfucker like all the others." I replied. She lifted her head from its place on my shoulder and the corner of her mouth rose in a small smile.

"No, because we met."

"That's right." I agreed, placing a soft kiss to her lips.

Silence enveloped the darkened room for a while, the sound of our breathing the only noise in the small space. After a while I spoke. "You know everything happens for a reason."

"Yes, I believe that." She agreed, adjusting herself in my lap a little.

"I'm kind of glad I fucked up all those years, you know." Her head, which was resting on my shoulder, lifted and she leaned back to search my eyes, confusion entertaining her features.

"Why would you say something like that?" She questioned with furrowed brows and a shake of her head.

"It's the reason I'm here, isn't it?" I said. "Had I not fucked up… had I not pretty much screwed up every aspect of my life, I wouldn't be here. I'd still be in Seattle and you'd still be here in Forks and we never would have met." I explained, brushing back a stray strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I don't like the fact you suffered Edward." She said despondently. "Nothing should be worth all that pain and heartache. No one should have to deal with the shit that you dealt with." She added, her tone was firm, a slight edge to it.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not glad I fucking lost my mother and Peter. Fuck, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about everything else… you're worth all the other…" I trailed off when she shook her head frantically.

"No! Please don't say that." She snapped. "I hate the fact you endured so much. You could have been in juvi, you could have been dead Edward with the amount of drugs you consumed. Don't ever say you were glad all that happened because it brought you to me." Her voice was on the verge of being incredulous.

"Hey, hey, hey…" I said, grabbing onto her hands and rubbing circles with my thumb over her knuckles to calm her down. "It's ok, just… just let me explain myself properly." I took a moment to gather my thoughts before starting. "I've never felt anything so… extreme. The security and love I feel whenever I'm with you, that swelling of my chest when you smile at me, nothing can compare to that, Bella. No pain or heart ache could ever override that feeling. It's better than any fucking drug I've tried, any amount of alcohol I've consumed.

"See it from my fucking point of view, it's like the light at the end of that fucking dark tunnel, the one that seems endless, where you feel consumed by the darkness and any sort of escape appears out of reach. But then it appears suddenly, right there in front of you and at first you think it's a trick your mind is playing with you, but as you creep closer you realize the end _is_ near and the light begins to take over the darkness and fuck… when you finally get to grasp it in the palm of your hand? Nothing - and I say _nothing_ - fucking compares to that feeling. Its serenity… absolute heaven, right in the palm of your hand." I placed my palm against the side of her face, my eyes piercing into hers, hoping she would comprehend everything I had just tried to elucidate. Her face leaned into my palm, her eyes closing slowly but she remained silent.

"You mean so much to me." I whispered. My emotions were bubbling up inside of me, fighting for release and I gave in, unable to hold them back any longer. I wanted her to know exactly how I felt. Her eyes opened and she moved to press her forehead to mine. We were gazing right into each other's eyes in the faint light of my room. I only had my bed side lamp switched on, which was illuminating a soft golden glow.

Her face then came forward, just slight enough till her lips brushed against mine. Her hands trailed up my chest till they came to rest on my shoulders. She nipped at my lips slowly, our eyes fluttering closed with every caress. She stopped and pulled back, letting out a jagged breath, her forehead against mine again.

"It scares me how much I need you, Bella… how much I rely on you." I confessed in a whisper.

"Stop." She mumbled. "I'm never leaving you, please don't ever fear that." All I could do was nod in response, a lump forming in my throat as my emotions escalated. Silence lingered, nothing but the sounds of our breathing filled the room, as we sat entangled in each other on the floor, too desperate to pull away.

Her lips moved to my jaw, kissing lightly, trailing back toward my lips where I met them with fervor.

"Edward?" She mumbled against my lips. I hummed in answer, my lips descending toward her neck.

Her voice came out in the slightest whisper, "I'm ready. I want you to make love to me." I froze and pulled back, startled by her words. I had known it was only a matter of time till we decided to go all the way but I guess I just hadn't expected it to be tonight.

Her eyes pierced into mine as I stared back at her, searching for any sort evidence of reluctance or uncertainty but to my relief I found none.

"You sure?" I had to ask.

"I've never wanted anything so much in my life." She replied. I swallowed thickly as the nerves began to kick in, the reality of the situation startling clear.

This was it.

"Neither have I." I said just as I pressed my lips to hers. The kiss was slow but full of so much god damn passion I was struggling not to become overwhelmed by it. Her hands moved from my shoulders to tangle in my hair at the back of my head, her head tilting slightly so she could deepen the kiss.

She shifted against me, the movement causing her to brush over my cock and it was like something snapped in the both of us and the kiss suddenly turned heated and desperate. Our breaths turned ragged as my hands began to roam all over her, frantic to feel as much of her as I could.

I managed to find the zipper of her dress and tug it down her back, before pulling at the straps so that they dragged down her shoulders. I kept pulling the dress down till it gathered in a pile of fabric around her waist and her breasts were bare before me. She didn't have a bra on.

My hands made quick work of her naked breasts as our lips remained frantic against one another. She turned her face away for breath, my lips effectively moving to suck and lick at her neck.

"Oh God…" she gasped, arching into me. I pinched her pink nubs, rolling the puckered nipples between my fingers.

As I continued to devour her neck, her hands flew to my chest, fumbling with the buttons of my shirt to get them undone, and once she had, she pushed the shirt off my shoulders, forcing me to remove my hands from her long enough to roll the shirt completely off my body.

"Damn you're beautiful." She muttered, as her eyes raked over my bare chest. My eyes snapped up to her face, my heart thundering in my chest at her comment. It wasn't so much what she said, it was _how_ she said it. Her words were filled with so much fucking passion and desire it was almost too much to fathom.

I reached a hand to the back of her head and forced her face back to mine, crushing her lips to mine. Our tongues battled and mingled with desperation, our serrated breathing echoing loudly around us.

Her fingers swept continuously over my chest, as if she was working to memorize every ridge and mark on me. The action was sending sparks of heat to stab through my skin, erupting throughout my whole body like a raging fire, settling right down into my dick.

I groaned loudly as my dick fought its confinements, desperate for some part of the action. Bella's lips were relentless against mine so it wasn't helping matters any. So I grabbed her by the waist and held her there as I thrust up into her, my dick hitting right where it longed to be. She let out a strangled cry into my mouth, pulling away for a moment to catch her breath.

"Do that again…" she gasped. I managed a smirk at her before I thrust up into her again, her panties being the only barrier for her. Her head fell to my shoulder as she began to gyrate her hips against me desperately, the movement creating all sorts of pleasure to bubble up inside of me.

"Jesus," I growled as my own head flew back against the bed, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

My ass was starting to go numb on the floor and it was then I realized that this couldn't continue on the floor of my bedroom because I needed to be inside of her… very soon.

"We need to get up." I muttered as I reattached my lips to her neck and sucked against the soft skin there. Her head lolled back, allowing me better access as she continued to grind against me. I knew I was probably going to leave a hickey if I kept it up and a part of me praised the idea of marking her as mine but the another part of me, fucking loathed hickies. Plus, I knew the way I was about to mark her, couldn't be replaced by anyone.

I managed to pry my lips away from her skin long enough to figure out how we were going to move to the bed without separating. There seemed to be no way around it.

I gestured for her to get up and as soon as she removed herself from me, (with a lot of reluctance, I might add) I shot up and grabbed her by the waist to crush her against me again. I pulled the rest of her dress zipper down so that it could fall helplessly by her feet - which it did - leaving her in nothing but her lacy thong.

I spun us around and backed her into the bed. She fell sitting down and as if it was planned, her hands flew to the fly of my pants, fumbling with the button and zipper to get them undone. My fingers tangled into her hair, my eyes valuing every inch of her as I watched her work. She roughly pulled my pants down till they pooled at my feet and that's when her hands flew to the hem of my boxers, thrusting them down before I could protest.

I couldn't help but let out a quick breath of relief as soon as my cock sprung free, meeting the cool air of my room. She gazed up at me through her lashes, her big brown eyes, dark and half mast. I stepped back, kicked off my pants and boxers and removed my socks. I walked back over to the bed to stand between her legs, then dropped to my knees in front of her. I held her around the waist as I sucked on each nipple, swirling my tongue around each one and flicking it back and forth against the nub. She hummed in satisfaction as her hands moved to my hair, holding me in place.

I moved down her torso, my mouth continuing its assault till I reached the hem of her panties. I was so close to her arousal I could smell it so easily.

"I can't fucking wait to taste you." I breathed.

I licked my lips in anticipation and hooked my fingers into the hem of her thong. She lifted her butt off the bed allowing me to drag them down her hips and legs, where I carelessly tossed them to the side of the room.

I lifted her one foot off the floor and gave it a kiss then did the same to the other. They were soft and small and just perfect. I kissed up her ankle, taking my time to enjoy the softness and sweet smell of her skin. My eyes darted up toward hers and I smiled against her skin as I saw her watching me with rapt attention.

"Edward…" My name barely escaped her lips, her voice a ghost of a whisper.

I switched to her other foot, giving it a kiss before continuing up her calf. I sucked at the skin just beneath her knee, knowing that spot was sensitive for her. Her lidded eyes remained locked on me, her lips parted and her bare chest moving with her erratic breaths.

I reached just where I wanted to be, and gazed up at her through my lashes. She was glistening with her arousal and without wasting any more time, I parted her with my fingers, reveling in the long moan that came from her as soon as the contact was made.

I slipped my middle finger inside of her slowly, then back out before sliding it back in. Her head rolled on her shoulders as she leaned back to rest on the palms of her hands. I added a second finger, wanting her to stretch for me. I began to stroke her determinedly, and then attached my lips to her bundle of nerves, my eyes sliding shut as her delicious taste filled my mouth.

I nibbled on her as my fingers worked her, the sound of her breathing increasing with each thrust. She let out a mumbled 'shit' before falling onto her back and surrendering herself to me completely.

It wasn't long before she cried out, shuddering on my bed with her climax.

I lifted myself off the floor and crawled onto the bed over her, pulling her upwards a little toward my pillows so that her legs were no longer hanging off the end of my bed.

I gazed down at her, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to her lips. When I pulled back, she smiled softly at me, her eyes piercing into mine.

My cock was right _there_, pressing against the inside of her thigh and I had to admit, just the thought of what I was about to do was causing my nerves to escalate full swing.

Not only has it been the longest time since I'd had sex, but also because this wasn't just a fuck to me. It was an expression of everything I felt for Bella and it was her first time and our first time together. I didn't want to fucking screw it up.

I remembered then that I needed a condom. She had informed me a few days ago that she'd been to the doctor and was now on birth control and had been for just over a week, but just to be on the safe side, I figured a condom would be best till the birth control was given at least a few weeks to take effect.

I moved off of her a little to stretch out for my bed side table. I thrust the drawer open and rummaged inside for some condoms. I had quite a few of them actually, ones that I'd bought from Seattle but never came to use in Forks. Not until now.

I snatched one out, shut the drawer and moved back over to Bella and sat back on my heels. She lifted her torso up, leaning on her forearms as she watched me. I ripped the wrapper off with my teeth and removed the condom.

"I was hoping we wouldn't have to use one." I said as I rolled it on. "But just to be safe."

"I trust you, Edward and I know you're clean."

"I know but you just started this birth control. Give it time to take effect." She nodded in understanding before reaching out to grab my arm and pull me back on top of her.

"Are you ready, baby?" I asked, searching her eyes.

"Yes, I'm just ready for you." She assured, running her fingers through my hair.

"It's going to hurt a little." I said, feeling the need to inform her even though she already knew.

"I know, I'm ready." She said nodding.

"Ok, just… fuck, please tell me if it gets too much or-"

I was silenced by her lips as she lifted her head to press them to mine.

She pulled away slowly and smiled up at me, "Just do it, stop stressing." She giggled lightly.

"I love you. I will always fucking love you." My voice broke on the last word as my emotions threatened to take a hold on me.

"I love you too."

With her whispered words, I lined myself up against her entrance and began to push in slowly. My eyes stayed locked with Bella's, wanting to detect the slightest discomfort. I pushed my hips into her a little more, my heart fighting to escape out of my chest at the reality that I was finally in this moment. I stopped when I felt the resistance and she let out a sharp breath.

"Are you alright?" I asked. She nodded quickly, her eyes slowly closing.

"I can feel the resistance." She said, biting her bottom lip.

"I don't want to fucking hurt you." I muttered, pressing a kiss to her forehead and letting my lips linger there for a moment longer.

"I can't stay a virgin forever." She said as she giggled. I pulled back to see the side of her lip curled into a smile and I couldn't help but smile back, glad she still managed to have her sense of humor in a situation where I was freaking the fuck out.

I pressed forward and watched as her eyes squeezed shut in silent pain, I froze.

"Fuck." I muttered.

"Give me a sec…" she said, before taking a deep breath then saying, "Just do it."

With set determination, I pushed my hips into her in one final thrust, but yet trying to be gentle at the same fucking time and felt myself pass the resistance with relief, so that I was finally fully sheathed inside of her. I quickly began searching her face to see how she was doing. Her eyes opened slowly, and I saw the relief reflected in them.

"Alright… give me moment to adjust."

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

"I'm good, stop worrying."

"I hate knowing that I'm causing you pain." I admitted genuinely. Then smirked and added, "I mean I knew I was big but…" I trailed off when her eyes narrowed at me. I tried to fight back a chuckle but failed. She started laughing with me, the vibrations of her laughter echoing through her body and around my cock. I couldn't help but shiver at the sensation.

"Smug ass." She smirked at me, her fingers coming up to stroke the side of my face.

"I love you." I said, breaking the moment of laughter and bringing us back to the present.

"I love you too, Edward… always."

I pulled out slowly and couldn't help but hiss at the loss of contact. I quickly pushed back in and groaned at the feel of her all tight and warm around me.

"You feel so fucking good." I groaned again as I began to take long, slow thrusts. "You have no idea."

I pressed my forehead to hers as I moved, disbelieving that I was finally making love to my girl. She felt absolutely fucking incredible and nothing my brain could have ever conjured up could have come close to just how great.

"Faster…" she whispered as she opened her legs a little more to allow me better movement. I could tell she had relaxed, her body no longer tense in my arms. Her hands wrapped around my neck and she arched into me as I thrust into her.

"You're so beautiful," I breathed, locking her gaze with mine. My heart was feeling like it weighed a ton with the amount of love that I was feeling for her in that moment.

"You're are too, Edward. Inside and out…" her words ended in a moan, as I must have hit just the right spot. I continued my movements, my fingers brushing her hair back off her face so I could get a better look at her.

"No one will ever make me feel the way you do." I expressed in a whisper just before pressing my lips to the spot beneath her ear. "You hear that? No one, Bella. Only you."

"Oh god, Edward…" She mumbled breathlessly. "You feel perfect… keep going, Edward… please don't stop." She whimpered, arching her back into me again and allowing me to thrust even deeper. I groaned at the sensation, my heart hammering a million miles per hour in my chest, I was sure she could feel it.

"Kiss me, Edward." She demanded, pushing my head down to hers by the back of my neck. I crushed my lips to hers and thrust my tongue deep into her mouth, groaning at the feel of her warm tongue in my mouth.

I kissed her with a desperation I didn't think I had in me, my hips driving into her harder, almost frantically.

"Fuck, you're tight." I grunted, as I pulled my mouth away from hers. I moved my lips to her neck, suckling on the skin there. "You feel so perfect."

She lifted a leg and hooked it around my hip and I immediately grabbed onto it to hold it there, the new position causing new waves of pleasure to erupt through me.

"Holy fuck," I said breathlessly, resting my forehead to her shoulder as a wave of pleasure rocketed through me. My body was burning with satisfaction and it felt like it couldn't cope with the sudden onslaught of the pleasure as I moved.

I lowered my top half so that my chest was pressed against hers and used my forearms on either side of her for leverage. I wanted to feel her skin touching mine, the heat and the perspiration. I just needed her, in every way I could have her.

"I never fucking considered myself a lucky guy, Bella… not until I met you." I whispered, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I lowered my head to her shoulder and took a deep breath, trying to recuperate some form of my composure.

Her hands fisted into my hair and then tugged at it so that I was forced to meet her eyes. I could see them glistening with unshed tears also but a soft smile graced her face.

"There will only ever be you." She murmured softly, appearing overwhelmed with her emotions also. Unsure of how to respond my forehead came to rest back against hers, our breaths mingling as we panted into each other's faces.

"Faster…oh god, I'm close." She whispered.

I reached one hand down between us and pinched her clit. She cried out and began panting heavily, her hands fisting tightly along my back. It was taking everything in me not to pound into her relentlessly. She wouldn't be able to tolerate that kind of movement yet but I was feeling desperate for more. More of her.

I pressed my thumb against her clit and began rubbing in circles, setting a relentless rhythm as my hips continued diving into her. I felt her walls suddenly clamp down against me and I watched as her face contorted in pleasure just as her body began convulsing beneath me and my name escaped her lips numerous times in a murmured whisper. I reveled in the moment, wanting to ingrain the vision to memory.

She eventually fell limp beneath me, her eyes darting around her for a second, trying to gain back their focus before they met mine. They were big and bright and her face was flush with her arousal. She leaned up and kissed me passionately, her tongue doing unspeakable things to mine.

"Love me, Edward." She breathed softly against my lips before plunging her tongue back into my mouth. I fucking whimpered as I thrust into her a few more times and then exploded with my own climax, my cock pulsing inside of her.

I practically collapsed on top of her, making sure not to crush her with my weight. We lay panting against each other and it was then that I wrapped my arms around her and crushed her against me. Her hands flew around my neck and locked themselves there, neither one of us uttering a word.

I could feel her heart pounding forcefully in her chest and I was sure she could feel mine too. Her lips eventually found my sweaty neck, peppering soft kisses all along it.

I'd never known what love making was until now. I'd always thought that sex was just that… sex. Purely an action performed to reach sexual satisfaction. Never had I believed it could feel like this, where your emotions could escalate to a point where they besieged you to the point of almost breaking.

I eventually pulled out of her and rolled onto my side, before disposing of the used condom, wrapping it in a bunch of tissues and setting it on the side table to dispose of later. I turned back to Bella and scooped her up, pulling her to me so that we were facing each other. Her face was relaxed and content and I couldn't be more relieved with that.

"How are you feeling?" I murmured into the quiet. It felt like if I spoke any louder our little bubble would pop.

"Good. A little sore but good." She paused before adding, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me for that, Bella." I said seriously.

"I'm thanking you for being gentle, for caring about my comfort, for making it special. You really know how to make me feel beautiful…" she trailed off as tears filled her eyes. She quickly buried her face into my chest and moved closer to me.

My arms came around her, holding onto to her tightly as my lips pressed to the top of her head.

"That's because you _are_ beautiful." I whispered. "You just didn't realize it until now."

She said nothing and I didn't need her to. We let silence envelop us once again, settling into our post sexual high.

It wasn't long before we both drifted off into a slumber, wrapped in each other, skin to skin and heart to heart.

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**Hope you all enjoyed that and I didn't disappoint... See you next time!**


	30. Coming to Terms

**A/N- Thank you to all my readers and all those that review. I managed to reply to the majority of them last update and i'm sorry if I never got the chance to respond to yours. I read them all, more than once that's for sure and I appreciate all your lovely words!**

**My fantastic Beta _luv4jake_ who got this back to me quickly. I love your comments throughout and they never cease to crack me up. Thank you!**

**Debbliss and Stormyinco... massive hugs to both of you!**

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me... all I own is a season 2 of True Blood on DVD

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**BPOV**

It was moments like last night that I wished people were able to witness. Or at least have knowledge of. It was one thing to tell people how gentle and fantastic a person is and a whole different thing for them to witness it themselves with their own eyes and ears.

Edward, over the past few years had pretty much created a name for himself as a bad boy. He reflected it in every manner possible like his language, his behaviour and sometimes even the clothes he wore. He curses, smokes and speaks his mind no matter how inappropriate or offensive. That is all people know about him. It's all they see and they believe that right down to the bone he is that way, unfeasible of ever changing.

But I know better than to try and change a person because no matter how much every girl out there wishes she could change a guy, it just isn't correct. You may be able to change someone to an extent but that's about it.

This is where Edward is different. In private, around me specifically, Edward is one of the kindest and most loving people I have ever come across. Deep down in his heart, he cares... for everyone, he just has problems expressing it. He has problems with letting himself out there and making himself vulnerable again. This is related to the fact that he lost two of the most important people in his life within a short six month period. Two people that he would have turned to in his darkest hours. Two people that he would have confided in when he needed them most. Two people who would have made him smile without effort. They were harshly snatched out of his life and he was left feeling alone and angry, being forced to deal with their sudden loss.

Edward is misunderstood. He is the way he is because life made him that way, not because that's the way he was born or brought up. I've never been cared for in the way Edward cares for me. Never been looked at with so much desire and love like the way Edward looks at me. Never been made to feel valuable like the way Edward makes me believe.

Last night was one of those nights when I felt like I was the only thing in his world. I love him more than words could describe which is a startling thought for someone my age. But I did, undoubtedly and Edward made me feel the same way to him. Every caress of his fingers, every whisper in my ear and every gaze from his green eyes left me longing for more because the feelings and emotions that bubbled up inside of me were overwhelming in the most beautiful way.

I finally let him make love to me last night and by the end of it I was berating myself for not have letting him do it sooner. If possible, it made me feel even closer to him and I utterly and truly felt his love for me last night. It was one of the best nights of my life and it wasn't just because I'd finally given in and had sex. It was because Edward made me see that I was beautiful and that I was valuable and that is something that no one has been able to achieve in the past.

Now, as I lay in bed, I let my eyes continue casting over his face. I'd been awake for a while now and a quick glance at the time told me it was just past ten thirty in the morning. We hadn't actually slept till about almost three am last night so there was no rush to wake up at a reasonable time. Edward was fast asleep though, his eye lids shut, his face completely relaxed as his form rose and fell with his soft steady breathing. My eyes kept darting over to his lips because whenever he slept or even when he was so focused on something, they'd set in the most adorable pout. All full, pink and pouty. All I could think of doing was leaning forward and sucking on them.

Edward was beautiful. Not just physically but emotionally too. And as I laid here and gazed at him it made me realise just how lucky I was to have someone like him. Yes, we do have our hardships but what relationship doesn't? I certainly don't expect him to be perfect and I'm sure he doesn't expect the same from me but I believe that we complement each other, so that our greatest moments override all of the unpleasant ones.

I smiled to myself as I watched him sleep. Peaceful as an angel. His prominent jaw featured in most of my dreams and I couldn't help but smile wider when I remembered how I'd licked it the day before. I'd been wanting to do that for a long time.

He stirred a little then but didn't wake, nuzzling his face further into his pillow.

I was sore. There was no doubt about that and it was something that I had expected. It wasn't because he was rough, because he wasn't in the slightest, it's just something that apparently comes with losing your virginity. Each time I shifted slightly I'd feel the unmistakable sting of discomfort. It was mild and bearable so it didn't bother me much.

He shifted again but this time his hand came up to scrub through his hair absently. I fought back a giggle as he made it stand on end. His hand fell back on his hip where he laid on his side facing me. His eyes then fluttered open and it took them a moment to focus on me. He smiled softly as his hand shot out to pull me toward him. He nuzzled his face into my neck where he placed soft open mouthed kisses along it. I bit back a moan, his lips were hot and tender against my flesh.

"Good morning." He whispered hoarsely into my ear, before nipping at my lobe.

"Good morning." I murmured, too focused on the ministrations of his lips to say anything more. He pulled back and met his eyes with mine, smiling softly at me. My heart did that little flip it always did whenever he gazed at me like that. I shifted even closer to him, wanting to feel the warmth of his naked skin against mine. I could also feel something else poking into my thigh.

"Were you watching me sleep?" he asked, moving his hand to bury it into my hair. He began stroking his fingers through it and my eyes involuntarily fluttered closed at the sensation.

"Yes." I mumbled.

"That's kind of fucking freaky." He admitted.

"Have you forgotten that that's what you do to me?" I questioned, opening my eyes to meet his again.

He paused. "Yeah but fuck, I have something beautiful to stare at. You have... well, you have something beautiful to look at too but just not as beautiful you." He chuckled.

"So full of yourself." I muttered. "But I have to agree, you are beautiful."

"That's my girl." He grinned.

Quiet lingered for a moment or two before he spoke again.

"Are you sore?" He asked, kissing the top of my head.

"Just a little, nothing major."

"Good." He responded, relief evident in his voice.

We continued to lay in bed, just snuggled into each other and his fingers in my hair must have done it because before I knew it I was asleep again.

We woke up not much later, about an hour or so and we both seemed reluctant to leave the warmth of each other's bodies but I was desperate to go to the bathroom so I had to forcefully disentangle myself from Edward in order to escape. He let out a string of mumbled curses to show me just how opposed to the idea he was.

We weren't sure if anyone was home - if Carlisle was back from work or if Emmett had even come home at all - but I quickly pulled on Edward's white shirt from the night before and his boxers and left his room for the bathroom. I couldn't hear any movement anywhere in the house but they could have just been sleeping for all I knew.

I relieved myself in the toilet and wasn't surprised at all to find a little blood on my inner thigh. It wasn't too bad so I grabbed some tissues and wiped it off with some water. I was going to have to take a shower before I left. I washed my face while I was at it and brushed my teeth, thankful that I'd remembered to bring my toothbrush with me.

I'd told Renee I was spending the night with Rosalie and Alice. She was perfectly fine with it, considering it was New Years Eve. Although, I was pretty positive she knew I was covering to spend the night with Edward. If she had known, she made no mention of it.

By the time I made it back into the room, Edward was in some jeans, hanging incredibly low on his hips with the button hanging open and undone, just the zipper done up enough to keep them in place. I licked my lips at the sight but quickly omitted any dirty thought from my mind because now was not the time.

"I'll be right back, ok?" he said once I'd walked in. He pressed a tender kiss to my forehead on his way out.

I lay back down in bed, stretching languidly and I could feel the weight of all my muscles. It was like I'd gone for a few runs around the block last night.

Just as I was going through my carry bag, looking for some fresh clothes to change into after my shower, Edward walked back into the room.

"Come with me." he murmured, slipping his hand into mine. I furrowed my brows in question but followed him out without a word. He led me back into the bathroom and I was surprised to find he'd filled the tub up. "Apparently a bath should help... you know, the warm water should soothe your muscles or some shit like that... I wasn't sure how much fucking bubble bath to put in but I guess it's not overflowing with bubbles so that's a good sign...um..." he was rubbing the back of his neck and he appeared a little unsure of what he'd done. I turned to him, reached up on my tip toes and kissed his chin.

"Thank you, so much." I smiled before pressing another kiss to his lips. He smiled against my lips and when I pulled back he appeared a little more relaxed.

"It's just, I wasn't sure what I could do help with your...err, problem so I thought this would be good."

"This is perfect, but you didn't have to run me a bath."

"I wanted to." He said.

"You're joining me though, right?" I asked raising my eyebrow at him.

"You think I'm going to leave you to get naked and wet and just walk out?" he smirked. "Yeah, no way."

I slapped his chest then turned and removed my clothes. He stripped out of his jeans and I was pleasantly surprised he had gone commando. He helped me step in before climbing in behind me, both of us sinking into the bubbled warmth and sighing at the same time.

I had to say, the hot water felt really good _down there_. It was just what I needed.

Edward grabbed a wash cloth and began rubbing it soothingly over my neck and shoulders. It felt so good. He was applying just a little pressure as he grazed it over my damp skin, I could almost hear my muscles sighing in pleasure.

He moved the wash cloth down my arms, over my stomach and then back up toward my chest, circling each breast slowly before running the cloth over each one tenderly, my nipples reacting immediately to the contact.

I leaned my head back against his shoulders and relaxed completely against him, a soft sigh escaping my lips.

His lips pressed against the side of my neck, lingering there longer than need be. His hand with the wash cloth continued roaming over my torso, up to each shoulder then gliding back down to brush over my thigh. It trailed to my inner thigh, brushing lightly over my sex before gliding back up over my stomach.

"That feels really good." I mumbled, running my fingers over his thighs tenderly.

"Yeah?" he muttered, moving the cloth to my sex again. I moaned and nodded, focusing on the sensations that were erupting through me.

"Turn." He said then. I swivelled in the tub and moved back a little to give my legs room. He reached out and grabbed my foot, pulling it toward him. He began to massage the wash cloth over my foot, over the arch and to the tips of my toes.

His eyes were locked onto the movement of his hands with so much focus, and I watched, loving the expression on his face. He washed up past my ankle and over my calf, my leg stretched out for him. He moved back down to my foot, taking his time in the process. He eventually looked up at me through his lashes as he grabbed my other foot to repeat the movements. He smiled at me.

"You have cute feet."

I chuckled in surprise, I hadn't expected him to say that.

"They're feet, Edward." I said with another chuckle.

He shrugged and said as if by way of explanation, "They're _your_ feet."

I was unsure of what to say to that, so I just murmured a thank you and let him do his thing.

"It's my turn." I said after a while. I grabbed the cloth out of his hands and began to run it all over his chest and shoulders. His eyes were locked with mine, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips. He looked so beautiful in that moment that I couldn't help but lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. But as I came to pull away, his hand grabbed the back of my head to hold my lips to his. I gave in without a fight and moved to straddle his lap without breaking the kiss. His other hand began to brush up and over my back lovingly, sending a rush of goose pimples to explode all over my skin.

Our kiss was slow and unrushed. It was as if we wanted to take our time knowing each other again.

As we kissed, I could feel him hardening against me and I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside of me again. I shifted against him, which caused Edward to jerk slightly and groan in response. He dragged his lips away from mine, his ragged breathing brushing over my cheek.

"Do you want to?" He asked me, sounding needy but doubtful.

"Yes." I rasped out. I was sure the water would help relieve any discomfort.

"Because I want to... I really fucking want to be inside you again, you have no idea how much but if you're sore..." he drifted off, his lips suckling on my neck tenderly.

"I really want to, too." I said confidently. And with that I moved over him but just as I was about to lower myself over him, his hands shot to my hips and stilled my movements. His head fell to my shoulder and his breathing was already coming out in erratic pants.

"We need a condom." he announced bleakly. I let out a quick breath at the realisation and fought to ignore the throbbing between my thighs.

He lips pressed a delicate kiss to my shoulder and then he lifted his gaze to meet mine.

I wasn't sure what the expression on my face read but he quickly said to me, "I'm not risking it Bella."

I nodded slowly and moved off him, surprised with myself at how much I wanted him inside me.

"Come on, baby. The water's getting cold." He said then, moving to stand in the tub. The water splashed and crashed against the tub as he stood. He reached over and grabbed me a towel and held it out for me, waiting for me to stand up. As soon as I did, he wrapped it around my shoulders and held it closed against my chest. He pressed a soft kiss to my lips before letting me go to reach for his own towel.

We dried off and put our clothes back on before padding back into Edward's room.

I was sorting through my overnight bag and stuffing my dress from last night inside as Edward went through his phone. When I finished, I strode over to him and tucked myself into his side, wrapping my arms around his bare torso.

"What's wrong?" I asked, watching his face as his brows were knit together in confusion.

"Fucking Emmett." He replied in a sigh. "He's sent me a bunch of drunken texts but I can't even make out what half of them mean." He explained, scrolling through them.

I chuckled. "How many has he sent?"

"About eight of them. What a douche." He mumbled. "Read this."

**Turn on the Tivo, oh no! – Em**

I giggled and shook my head, having no idea what that meant. I knew it was just some random thing that would have entered his mind and although he wouldn't be able to make sense of it this morning in his sober state, I was sure there would have been some underlying meaning to it that he would have only known in his drunken state.

"Whenever the fucker gets drunk, I wake up to a bunch of lousy texts." Edward muttered.

It reminded me to go check my phone and when I did I found a missed call from Renee and a text message from her saying Happy New year from her and Phil. I had one text from Alice asking if I was still at Edward's and one from Jake, asking if we could meet up today.

"We should grab some breakfast." Edward suggested, slipping his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and turning to me so that I was completely wrapped in his arms. "Where would you like to go?"

"I don't mind..." I answered, tossing my phone onto his bed before throwing my arms around Edward's neck.

Just over an hour later, we found ourselves in a small bakery in Forks where we ordered two coffees on arrival before we had even taken a seat at a table. Edward then ordered some assorted pastries for us when our coffees arrived and we sat back and just relaxed.

We spoke of the party the night before and everyone's drunken behaviour. He asked about Jake and Leah and I told him the back story of how Jake and I have known her since we were kids. But Leah and I failed at ever being friends, mostly due to her jealousy.

"That reminds me," I began when I remembered the text I'd received from Jake. "Jake is hoping I can meet up with him today."

You would honestly think that considering Jake was my best friend and this was a common occurrence, Edward's reaction to the statement would be a little less... surprised? Annoyed? Jealous?

He stopped mid chew and stared at me for a moment, his eyes reflecting his dislike of the situation clearly before his eyes cast over with forced nonchalance and he resumed his eating. I had to refrain from rolling my eyes.

"Why?" he asked then, trying to sound blasé. I blinked at his question.

"Are we really going to do this every single time?" I asked trying to hide my growing irritation with his attitude.

He swallowed then said, "Do what?"

"Really Edward? _Why_?" I said, trying to mock his tone. "He's my best friend, I don't need a reason to see him."

"I didn't mean it that way." He paused then added through clenched teeth, "I don't give a fuck what you do."

"So, you're going to pretend that what I just said settled well with you?" I challenged.

By the look that flashed across his face, it was obvious he was fighting hard to control his temper. Frustration washed over his features as his eyes narrowed at me.

"You want me to be honest? No it didn't. It never does and I don't know if it ever will but I can't fucking stop you from seeing him, can I?"

"Of course you can't." I all but snapped, surprised at my own reaction.

"Well, I guess it's fucking settled then." He practically growled.

I stared back at him with narrowed eyes, my breathing escalating with my anger. I couldn't believe he was still going to act that way about Jake.

He resumed his eating, his eyes everywhere but at me and it stung. I hated that after such a perfect night and morning, we had to end up like this. What a _perfect _way to start the year.

I didn't have it in me to eat my breakfast, so I sat there and picked at my food, waiting for Edward to finish so we could leave.

It wasn't too long after that Edward stood up to leave and I noticed that even though he had resumed his eating, he barely ate anything at all. I straightened up from my seat and followed him out to the car, neither one of us uttering a word to each other. I walked a step behind him and I could tell from the set of his shoulders that he was angry. His whole body looked tense. I hated seeing him angry or hurt but I had to stand my ground. He was the one being unfair and unreasonable in this situation. I wasn't going to back down.

He drove straight to my house from the bakery and I hated the feeling of unease that settled in the pit of my stomach. Truth was, that despite my anger towards him and his behaviour, I wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with him in bed. We hadn't discussed our plans for the day more than our trip to the bakery so I don't know if this was his plan from the beginning to drop me off home straight after. With that said, I knew it wouldn't have been.

I considered saying something, anything just to hear him apologize or just so I could get a smile but instead, I forced my hands to clutch the handle of the door when we arrived at my place and thrust it open. I stepped out and without a word, slammed the door behind me.

I turned my back and walked up the driveway to the front door, listening as his car pulled away from the curb with a loud screech and flew down the street. I froze in place, caught my breath to fight that lingering unease in my chest and entered the house.

Phil was home but Renee wasn't. I considered by passing him up to my room without a word but he caught me just as my foot found the first step.

"Hi Bella." I turned to the sound of his voice and didn't even bother to hide my emotions.

"Hey." I replied dryly. I didn't make a move from the steps. I needed to be alone as soon as possible.

"How was your night?" he asked casually, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

I paused as visions of the night before flashed through my mind. I fought back the tears that were threatening to spill at the turn of events and replied with a mumbled and unenthusiastic "Fine."

"I'm heading out in just a bit anyways... have a few errands to run." He stated to my disinterest. I nodded mutely before turning back toward the stairs and hurrying up to my room.

Once inside, I shut the door and threw myself onto my bed, collapsing like an old rag doll as I nuzzled my face into the pillow where I lay on my stomach. I wanted nothing more than to escape the world and its negatives for a few hours.

I switched my phone off, not in the mood for being disturbed, grabbed my iPod and stuffed the ear phones into my ears. I switched it onto shuffle, turned up the music and curled into my bed, surrendering myself completely to the natural pull of sleep.

I was in a dreamless sleep, content and comfortable when I suddenly felt some pressure on my right arm but all I could hear was the beat of _The Killers_ pounding loudly into my ear drums. I shook off the pressure and curled further into myself, not wanting to be pulled out of the peace I currently found myself in.

The pressure returned but this time a little more forcefully and I groaned and shrugged it off, my eyes blinking open as I tried to focus on my surroundings. But all my eyes could register was darkness. I rubbed at my eyes and that's when I it felt again - the unmistakable pressure on my shoulder. In my conscious state, it registered with me that it was a hand clamping down on my shoulder, giving it a little shake.

My eyes shot open and I spun around in bed and saw nothing but the silhouette of someone tall. I scrambled into a sitting position in my bed, opening my mouth to let out a scream but it came out muffled and it was then I was reminded of my iPod, still thrusting beat after beat into my ear drums.

At the same time I reached up to rip them out, a soft yellow glow erupted through the room and my eyes locked on the figure standing beside my bed. Or more specifically, Edward. He looked almost as startled as I did. My hand flew to my chest as if I could try and hold my heart in place as it tried to hammer its way out of my chest.

"Fuck... I-I didn't mean-I wasn't supposed to... fuck this shit. My bad." He concluded after stammering over his words.

I threw my iPod to the floor in frustration and straightened up in bed, my hand still clutched over my pounding heart as my brain tried to catch up with the turn of events. My eyes snapped to my open window and saw that it was night. I'd slept right through the afternoon.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice still shaken from my shock.

"Are you always this irresponsible, sleeping alone at home with your window wide open? It's a fucking invitation for anyone to just come barging in." He growled, completely ignoring my question.

With the shock I'd just received of being thrust out of a peaceful sleep and the argument we'd had earlier in the day, I wasn't in the mood for his ultimatums.

"If it's an invitation, it wasn't one meant for you." I snapped. I realized how harsh that may have sounded and I saw the hurt flash clearly through his eyes before his mask washed over and he composed his features.

He ran an agitated hand through his hair and a quick inspection of it saw that it was in wild disarray. More so than the usual. He'd obviously been grabbing at it all afternoon.

Good.

"I'm going to fucking ignore that and pretend I didn't fucking hear it because I came for a reason and I want to get it out."

I bit back another remark because despite the anger I was feeling toward him in that moment, I didn't want to act immature and escalate matters further. Anyways, I was interested in hearing what he had to say.

I crossed my arms over my chest and without a word, raised an eyebrow at him, indicating for him to speak.

He hesitated for a moment, appearing as if he was searching for the right words to use before he finally began, his eyes locking with mine.

"I know I fucking suck at this shit and this is something that I don't say often... but I'm fucking sorry. I know I'm being unreasonable and really, I have no fucking right to act the way I do but..." he paused before continuing tentatively with his next words, his eyes studying my reaction. "This is going to sound fucked up but I hate the fact that I have to share you with him. I'm a fucking possessive ass hole who wants you all to myself for every fucking waking moment of the day. I know it sounds fucking conceited especially since I don't fucking own you and he's your best friend but it makes it that much harder when I don't like the fucker."

I came to correct him and demand he call him by his name but he continued before allowing me a chance.

"Yes, you've had that talk with him and he knows your feelings aren't reciprocated but it doesn't make the situation easier for me when I know all he wants to do is the things that I do to you." I shook my head to oppose that point but once again, he continued, appearing oblivious to the fact that I wanted to speak. "He was your best friend before I ever became your boyfriend so I can't take that away from you, Bella. I'm going to have to just deal with it and try not to act like a dick every time you two hang out."

"I don't want you to just _deal with it,_ Edward." I said with exasperation. "It's just something that you're going to have to learn to accept. The situation isn't going to change." I said with resolution. "It's almost like you don't even trust me on this."

"Bella, I trust you more than any other person I know." He retorted firmly, appearing wounded by my accusation.

"Then try to show it." I replied.

His eyes stayed locked on mine, his mind evidently working through the words that I'd just expressed. He ran both hands through his hair, only adding to the chaos.

"Last night was so... fucking perfect. You are incredible Bella and I feel like I've opened myself up to you completely. Something I didn't think I was ever capable of doing to anyone. I'm feeling kind of vulnerable here right now and I have to say, it feels like shit."

"Please don't feel that way." I said pleadingly.

"I wish it were that easy." He responded with a dry chuckle.

I wanted nothing more in that moment than to be wrapped in the safety and warmth of his arms. I wanted it so bad it hurt but I still had a few things I wanted to say.

"We didn't really get a chance to speak about last night today and I had been hoping that it'd come up." I said cautiously. It was my turn to feel vulnerable. "It was nothing like how I'd imagined. It was so much better and I know it was all because of you."

The side of his mouth quirked up into a small smile as his green eyes softened dramatically with my words.

"You have this way of making me feel so incredibly beautiful and special. Just one look from your eyes is enough."

"You _are_ incredibly beautiful and special, Bella. I've always seen that." That look in his eyes was back, that intense love and desire and I found myself becoming breathless as I stared back at him.

"You felt incredible last night, you have no idea." He added.

"Come hold me, Edward." I demanded in a whisper.

He quickly stepped forward and crawled into my bed and over me, forcing me to lay back down. I let out an involuntarily sigh in satisfaction as soon as the warmth of his body and scent surrounded me.

"Is no one home?" I asked after a few moments of silence as I was curled into him.

"Well, only your truck sat in the driveway when I arrived and no one answered when I rang the doorbell." He paused then added, "Your phone was switched off."

"I didn't want to speak to anyone, I just wanted to sleep and forget."

"You mean, you didn't want to speak to me." he murmured in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I was angry with you. Your reaction hurt."

"I was a dick."

"No Edward, you were just worried and jealous even though you had no right to be."

He didn't respond and I took that as an acknowledgement of my words. I snuggled further into him as I thought about the day's events and it was then I remembered that Jake had wanted to meet. And my phone was off.

I tried to pry myself out of Edward's grip to grab my phone but he didn't seem like he wanted to let me. His lips found mine in an instant and I found myself surrendering without a thought.

It seemed to escalate pretty quickly and before I knew it, I was topless and Edward's hot lips were on my breasts, his tongue flicking my nipples. My back arched into him and I wanted nothing more than for him to make love to me again.

"Can I touch you?"

"Please touch me." I begged as I forced his face back to mine and plunged my tongue deep into his mouth. He groaned and shifted so that I could feel his erection pressing into my thigh through his jeans.

It was then that the doorbell rang and it startled the both of us out of our lust induced state. Edward's eyes found mine, questioning who that could be. If it was Renee and Phil, they'd have a key and walk right in.

"Let me check." I said scrambling out of my bed and peeking my head out the window to see who it was. I found Jacob's car parked in front. "It's Jacob."

I turned back toward Edward and found he was fighting back his irritation but this time I couldn't blame him.

I darted over to the floor where Edward had mindlessly tossed my sweater and thrust it over my head and pulled it down. Edward slipped out of my bed, working to straighten out his clothes and put his jacket back on.

The doorbell sounded impatiently again so I pressed a quick kiss to Edward's lips before hurrying down the stairs to the door.

The house was dark so I turned lights on as I made my way to the front door and once there, I swung it open and smiled up at Jake.

"I've been trying to call you. I haven't heard from you since last night and you didn't answer my texts. Where the fuck have you been?" He asked with irritation. My smile fell and I scowled as I stepped aside for him to enter.

"I turned my phone off." I said as I shut the door behind him. "Hello to you too." I added wryly. I followed him into the lounge room where he threw himself onto the couch.

Edward then appeared at the bottom of the stairs. He was trying to appear fine by the situation and I guess I appreciated his trying. I knew it was one thing for me to hang out with Jake but a completely different thing for him to be forced to be in his company.

"Oh, hey." Jake said dryly when he spotted Edward. "I figured that was your car outside."

"Yeah." Edward replied taking a seat on the arm chair.

"I was hoping we could talk." Jake said carefully to me, his eyes darting briefly to Edward.

"About what?" I asked taking a seat on the other couch.

"Can't we just talk?"

"Sure we can." I said becoming irritated with his attitude. Jake cast me an unimpressed look. I very well knew he just didn't want Edward there.

"I'm going to go take a smoke." Edward said then, raising himself from the couch and heading outside without another word. I knew he got the not-so-subtle message from Jake.

"What is it?" I asked as I kept my eyes focused on Edward's retreating form. His ass looked incredible in those jeans.

"It's about last night." Jake began, dragging my attention back to him. "Wait... is your... your sweater is on inside out." He said pointing at my chest. A quick inspection made his statement true. I got up from the couch and walked into the guest bathroom downstairs to quickly take it off and put it back on the right way.

"Sorry, it was dark and-" I said as I walked back into the lounge.

"I don't want to know." He said cutting me off with a wrinkled nose.

"Back to last night." I said hoping to get back on track.

"It's Leah."

"Oh?" I asked, my interest suddenly peaking.

His eyes were focused on his fidgeting hands before he looked up at me and said the last thing I expected from him.

"I slept with her."

My jaw dropped. Literally. I sat there staring at him for a moment dumbfounded with my mouth hanging open.

"Stop." He said, looking uncomfortable as he adjusted himself in his spot. I snapped my mouth shut and cursed my brain for not coming up with an appropriate response.

"What-why-I mean..." I stammered, unsure of what I wanted to ask first. "Ok," I said trying to start again, straightening up in my seat. "How did this happen?"

"She was at the party-"

"Yes," I said cutting him off. "Why was she there anyways? You never mentioned you were taking anyone."

"I wasn't. She just rang and asked what I was doing for news years and she kind of just invited herself."

"Oh, ok." I was expecting a much more interesting scenario.

"We had a bit to drink," he said continuing on with his story. "We both did and as the night wore on and the drinks continued to flow, she became more and more... _physical._" He said seeming unsure that was the right choice of word.

"You can only dodge someone so much, especially when you're drunk so I managed to talk myself into an innocent kiss at midnight. But she didn't appear satisfied that that was enough. She only became more touchy-feely from then on.

"Seth suggested we leave the party and just go hang out somewhere so we headed down to First Beach... Seth drove, he didn't drink that much. Paul and James were there too." He seemed to study my face then, probably trying to determine how I was doing so far with the news so with a wave of my hand for him to continue, he did.

"We hung out there for a bit, a few of her friends met us there and I guess all in all we were having a good time. We made out for a bit, then things seemed to escalate..." He drifted off, grimacing slightly.

"You had sex with her."

"In Seth's car." He added.

"Oh, Jake." I said with a shake of my head. "Out of all places..."

"Where else were we supposed to do it?"

Edward walked back in then, his steps hesitant as if he was trying to gauge whether he was welcome back in. I smiled at him and patted the space beside me for him to sit. He lowered himself down next to me and I instantly felt right again. His hand came up to stroke through my hair at the back of my neck.

Turning my full attention back to Jake, I said. "I guess you're right, but still."

"In a situation like that Bella, it's the heat of the moment, it's not pre-mediated. Wherever seems convenient works fine." He retorted defensively.

"What does Seth have to say about that?"

"He didn't really care. He's done the same thing in my car." He answered casually.

"Oh gross! I sit in those seats, Jake!" I said with a shiver. He managed to crack a smile at that and just shrug.

"Do what?" Edward asked suddenly.

"Sex in a car." I replied.

"Oh... I don't fuck in my car." Edward responded coolly.

"Why?" Jake asked, his eyes darting over to Edward.

"It fucks up the upholstery."

"That's it?" Jake asked.

"That's more than enough. There is always the hood of the car though." Edward smirked, nudging me playfully. I felt my face heat up and Jake seemed to take a moment to register the exchange. His face twisted into disgust as he groaned.

"Don't want to know." He said quickly, holding his hands up.

I glared at Edward but he just sat there and chuckled quietly to himself, appearing satisfied with the reaction he got out of Jake.

"Anyway," I said dramatically, hoping to steer the conversation back on track. "What happened after that?"

"There were no emotions to it. It was quick and needy and then it was over." He shrugged. "But the thing is it's fucked up everything. I regret it now that I'm sober. I've never had an attraction to her, Bella. I was drunk last night, it meant nothing to me. I just hope it didn't mean anything to her either."

"You know that's not true." I said.

"Sex never means 'nothing' to a girl." Edward piped in. "Unless you have an agreement."

"An agreement?" Jake questioned.

"Fuck buddies." I answered before Edward could. I turned my gaze to his and showed him just how un-impressed I was with the topic.

"It means nothing Bella. You know that." He said slipping his hand underneath my sweater at the base of my back and gliding his fingers over my skin.

"So what happens now?" I asked Jake.

"I don't know. I've kinda fucked up big time."

"Have you spoken to her since last night?"

"I called her earlier but she couldn't talk and said she'd call me later on. I'm still waiting."

"I don't know, Jake." I said, feeling useless. "This is something that only you can sort out. You're both to blame for this."

"I know." He said, dragging a tired hand over his face. "Seth is of no help, the idiot just laughed it off.

"He doesn't understand that I've known Leah almost as long as I've known you and our parents are pretty damn close. This has really fucked things up."

The sound of the front door opening and closing thrust us out of our little bubble. Renee and Phil both appeared around the corner at the same time.

"Oh, hey guys." Renee smiled at both Jake and Edward.

"Hey there, Mrs. D, Mr. D." Jake grinned.

"Hi." Edward smiled awkwardly. I placed my hand on his leg in reassurance. Renee liked Edward but it was obvious Phil didn't.

"It's nice to see you Jake. We don't see much of you anymore." Phil said. Jake shrugged in response with a quick glance in my direction. I knew what that look meant.

"I should get going." Jake said then, standing up.

"Yeah, me too." Edward agreed, following suit and raising himself from the couch.

"Wait, don't go yet." I said to him as I grabbed him by the sleeve of his leather jacket.

Jake chatted a little longer with Phil before he left while I went inside and told Renee that I was going to head out with Edward for a bit.

"Could we meet up tomorrow? Just us two?" Jake asked me by his car outside.

"I got work in the morning but we can meet afterwards." I offered.

"Ok, come by my place when you finish. I'll be home."

"Alright, will do." I replied. He smiled happily at me as he stepped forward and gave me one of his bear hugs. I gave his cheek a kiss before pulling away and waving goodbye.

I turned and walked over to Edward who was smoking by his car while he waited for me.

"Let's go."

xx-xx

I let my eyes glide over the shiny metal contours of the body in awe. I had to admit, I was impressed and I was pretty sure it showed on my face because when I glanced up at Jake, he was grinning proudly at me.

"So...?" He pressed, his eyes eager for my opinion.

"That's... well, Jake, I have to say I'm impressed." I said honestly as my eyes darted back over to the car. I took a few tentative steps toward it, worried to touch it and somehow scratch the paint or something but keen to see if the metal was as smooth and shiny as it looked. "Can I touch it?" I asked, as my hand hovered in the air a few inches away from the car.

"Yeah, go ahead." He said encouragingly, moving to stand beside me. I lowered my hand and ran my fingers delicately over the metal, a smile forming on my face. "You look like a goof, Bella." Jake laughed. I snapped my hand away and turned to him with a glare.

"Shut it. You'd make love to this car if you could." I mocked. "Anyways, it's just that... when I look at it, I can't picture the old piece of crap that it once was. It's almost unbelievable. You're really good."

"Well, thanks." Jake responded and you could hear the noticeable pride coloring his voice.

Jake had been working on his 1986 Rabbit for the past year or so. I'd spent hours with him in his garage as he worked on it but never did I expect it to really end up like this. It looked brand spankin' new. He really was a talented mechanic and I couldn't be prouder of his accomplishment.

"So when do I get to ride this beast?" I asked, circling the car to get a better look at the rest of it.

"Whenever, we could go for one now." He suggested, grabbing a clean rag and moving to rub at a particular spot on the car. He took a step back then and started trying to check out the spot from different angles. I watched him with amusement, fighting back the urge to giggle at his OCD tendencies.

He gave it one more circle of a rub before tossing the rag off to the side and turning to his gaze back toward mine. When he saw the expression on my face, he grinned at me sheepishly.

"I'm proud of it." He shrugged in form of explanation.

"And you have every right to be."

"So, what do you say? Want to go now?" he asked again.

I took a quick glance at my wrist watch and saw it was hitting six in the evening. I'd come to visit Jacob straight from my shift at Newtons.

"In a minute."

"Well, I promised you the first ride back when I started this project so the first ride you shall get. I just don't know how long I can hold Seth off."

I giggled, "Lucky me. We'll go in a minute." He nodded in agreement.

"Still haven't heard from Leah?" I asked after a moment's silence.

It's been just over a week since the incident on New Year's Eve between Jake and Leah and things have just turned complicated for them. Jake was honest, expressing to her that he had no intentions that night and it was nothing more than a drunken mistake and he was sorry it happened. Leah didn't take it too well. She admitted to being drunk and not in the right mind but claimed that she'd always had a thing for Jake and was hoping that what happened was just the kick start they needed to start a relationship.

Jake didn't agree.

Long story short, after a few heated discussions, and the inability to agree, Leah cut off all contact with Jake.

He shook his head despondently and said, "I hate myself for it."

"I hate _what _you did. It wasn't fair to her."

He let out a huge sigh and moved to lower himself onto blue crate that he usually used as a seat. He leaned forward, looking awkward in his position as his incredibly long legs stretched out in front of him. He ran both hands over his face tiredly and mumbled into them.

"My dad keeps pushing me to make things better." He said then dropped his hands and met his gaze with mine. "Her parents keep questioning my father to find out what it was exactly that I did to her, which only causes him to constantly grill me on what happened."

"And they're still believing the 'we had a fall out' business?" I asked, grabbing a spanner and fiddling with it absently.

"Yep. We're both tight lipped on the true story which honestly I couldn't be more thankful for. If her parents find out I just fucked her and dropped her they'd have my ass done in."

"But what about her? She'd be exposing herself in the process."

"Yeah, but they wouldn't believe for a second that she was willing in all of this. They would deem me as the one that took advantage of her. Leah's an angel, remember?" He said with a roll of his eyes. I knew what he meant. She was the apple of her parent's eyes. They would never consider the possibility of their daughter drinking and having sex.

"I really hope all this works out soon. She can't ignore you forever."

"She can certainly try." He said with a defeated shrug.

"Well, how bout that ride huh?" I asked suddenly, hoping to change the subject. His eyes lit up and he grinned back at me, jumping up from his crate. He was pleased so easily sometimes.

We spent the next couple of hours together in the car. Jake drove with no real destination in mind but we ended up in Port Angeles either way. The car drove smoothly, not a rattle and not a peep came out of the car and I was impressed further. Its interior smelled great, just like fresh new leather.

We made a stop and had a light dinner together, then a coffee afterwards. It was great hanging out with Jake again and over the past couple of months I'd almost forgotten what it was like to hang with Jake. Our relationship was so effortless, we _got _each other.

"He's not that bad." He said suddenly. We were sitting on the grass in little park just off the road in Port Angeles. I had a coffee cradled in my lap where my legs were stretched out straight in front of me.

"Who?" I asked, bringing the foam cup to my lips and taking a sip.

He gave me a sideways glance and murmured ever so softly, "Edward."

The cup froze at my lips in shock. I set the cup beside me then moved to sit back on my heels, facing Jake with serious eyes.

"Don't fucking... stop looking at me like that." He said, scowling.

"I'm not, I'm just-I don't know. Why the change of heart?" I asked then curiously.

He shrugged, picking at a loose thread on a rip on his jeans. "I still don't like him and I still believe you could do loads better." He said straight to my face. "But, with that said, I can see the way he looks at you."

I couldn't help but grin back at that and I looked down into my lap to hide it from Jake.

"He is great." I said then firmly. "He is so great to me and honestly, that is all that matters. I don't care what others think or see when they look at us. What happens when we're alone together is what matters."

"You've turned into a sap." Jake teased.

"Shut it." I laughed.

After heading back to Jake's place, I got into my truck and headed over to Edward's. When I arrived, I found Edward in the kitchen, attempting a sandwich.

"Hey you." I said standing beside him by the kitchen counter and leaning up to kiss his cheek.

"Hey yourself." He smiled placing a kiss to my lips. He turned back to the bench and it was then I noticed his sandwich.

He had sliced cheese over the bread and he was adding potato chips on top. I wrinkled my nose in disgust as I watched him slap on the other bread slice on top and pick it up with both hands to take a bite.

"Want one?" he asked around a mouthful of cheese and chips. I shook my head.

"No thanks, I already ate."

"Good evening, Bella." The sound of Carlisle's voice startled me and I spun around to face him.

"Hi, Carlisle..." I said with a little wave. "It's been a while."

"Yes, it certainly has." He agreed. He glanced briefly at Edward who ignored him as he continued eating his sandwich.

"Well, I'm just going to pop out for a bit, I'll be back later." Carlisle said to Edward.

In response, Edward shrugged and mumbled, "Do whatever the fuck you want."

I jumped at the sound of Carlisle's fist hitting the marble counter top forcefully. Lucky for him, he slammed it down on the side, not on his knuckles. I felt Edward freeze beside me, and I shifted uncomfortably in my spot, wishing I could somehow leave the room to leave them to it.

"I am sick and tired of your behaviour." Carlisle all but seethed. "You need to grow up and start acting like an adult. If you disrespect me again, you're gone Edward. I can only put up with so much insolence." He all but snarled.

I could feel Edward's anger vibrating off of him but thankfully he kept his mouth shut.

"Do you hear me?" Carlisle asked, anger burning in his eyes. I'd never seen this side of him and to be honest it was startling.

"Yes." Edward said. At Carlisle's raised eyebrow Edward sighed then replied, "Yes, sir. Fuck, geez." He added irritably.

Carlisle seemed to take a deep breath but shook his head in irritation. He met my gaze briefly.

"Excuse me Bella. I'm sorry you had to witness that."

"No, um... it's ok." I stammered.

With one final nod, he turned and left the room. I chose that moment to turn to face Edward and I could see the agitation clearly reflected across his face.

"Fucking prick." He muttered. "I've fucking had enough of him." He said walking to the trash can and throwing away the rest of his sandwich. He leaned his back against the counter and reached back with his hands to grip the edge. He dropped his head in front of him and closed his eyes.

"Is everything ok?" I asked quietly.

"Fucking peachy." He replied blankly.

"Things are still tense between you two?" I asked then, knowing I had to be specific to get an answer out of him.

"They've always been tense." He said meeting my eyes. "That's how Carlisle and I have always functioned. It just got worse when I started fucking up." I wasn't sure what the appropriate response to that was. I knew there was a heap more that I didn't know to their history and I wasn't sure if I'd ever come to learn of it. For now, I just walked up to Edward and wrapped my arms around his waist, nuzzling my face into his chest and inhaling his distinct scent.

"Let's run away." he muttered into my hair. I chuckled lightly but ignored him.

"We could live on a fucking farm somewhere in the country. I could milk the fucking cows and herd the sheep while you bake bread." He chuckled.

"Sounds like a plan. You're forgetting one thing though." I said.

"What's that?" He questioned and I could hear the vibrations of his voice through his chest.

"The kids."

"Kids?"

"Mhmm. Three kids with your distinctive bronze hair and my brown eyes."

"Sounds like a nightmare. I hate kids. Let's forget the kids."

"You hate kids?" I asked, pulling back to stare at him in surprise.

"Well I don't _hate _them." He said, trying to back track. "I guess I just don't like them."

"You never want kids?" I asked.

"Fuck no." He replied straight away. "See what I do to Carlisle? Why put myself through the torment of raising a kid who would do the same to me."

"You're being silly." I replied taking a step back and letting my hands drop to my sides.

"No, I'm being realistic."

"What about marriage?" I asked then, biting my lip and for some reason, awaiting his answer with too much interest.

"We're too fucking young to think about marriage, Bella."

"In five years time, or ten... would you ever get married?"

His eyes studied me closely and recognition seemed to color his features. "Are you testing me or some shit?"

"What? No! Just curious." And it was true... to a point. He pursed his lips and his brows furrowed slightly as he mulled over my words.

"I don't know. I've never seen myself as the marrying kind. I wouldn't make a very good husband." He said seriously.

"You make a great boyfriend." I said.

"Hardly." He chuckled dryly.

Even though, I'd never thought of marriage myself and I was way too young to even consider the possibility, something deep inside me stung at the nonchalance of Edward's words. Does he _never _want to get married?

"Let's not talk about this shit. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it." He laughed. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me up the stairs. "At least there is one thing I can think of that I would love about marriage." He said pulling me into his room.

"And what's that?"

"Regular sex." He smirked with a waggle of his brows before shutting the door behind him.

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	31. Burn

**A/N - Its been way too long too even count exacty how long and I apologise. This chapter gave me hell to write because it was in Carlisle's POV but it needed to be done.**

**Thank you to my readers, I love all your kind words and support for this story.**

**My beta luv4jke was unable to beta this, so I did which means any mistakes you may find in there are all mine.**

**Debbiss and Stormyinco... huge hugs!**

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**Carlisle's POV**

Three hours and thirty-one minutes.

In a matter of four and a half months, that totals to twenty-seven hours and thirty minutes.

That is a lot of time spent in the confinement of a car travelling from one destination to another. But I have my reasons.

There is an upside to this time though. Or maybe a downside depending on how you look at it. Spending a long stretch of time alone gives you nothing but time to think and ponder. And depending on what your life involves, that thinking could be somewhat harmful.

I believe in the phrase, 'you never know what's around the corner'. Life for me has been full of surprises, most of them unpleasant and had I known what life had in store for me from day one, I doubt this is where'd I'd be now. I would have done some things differently that's for sure.

I scrubbed a tired hand over my face and reached out to snatch up the cheap coffee I'd bought from a gas station a few miles back when I had to stop for gas. It was cold now but I needed the caffeine so I forced the unpleasant taste down. Between my shifts at work and my trip back home to Seattle, I've been without sleep for way over twenty four hours.

The sun was just beginning to disappear beneath the horizon, casting a beautiful orange glow with its departure. I pulled down the sun visor to shield my eyes from its glare in front of me.

I was feeling anxious and agitated, adjusting myself in my seat numerous times, trying to get comfortable but I knew the attempts were fruitless. My discomfort had nothing to do with the seats. It was all internal. My mind was running with numerous conflicting thoughts and I was struggling to deal with the onslaught of them all.

I'd just entered Seattle's city limits when my cell rang. Without glancing at the screen, I had a fair idea of who it was.

"Yes?"

"Carlisle… how far are you?" Carmen asked.

"I'm not far, just reached the city now. I've got to drop by Elizabeth's first and then I'll be with you right after."

"Ok, I'll be waiting."

"See you then, I'll try not to be too long."

It was about twenty minutes later that I pulled into the Hawkins' long narrow driveway. I climbed out of the car and stretched, feeling the ache in my muscles loosen a little. I brushed at my clothes with my hands, hoping they still looked decent and shut the car door after grabbing my cell.

I ambled up the pebbled path and knocked two consecutive knocks. Like usual, the door opened pretty much straight away and I couldn't help but smile as Liz appeared behind the door.

Liz was Esme's older sister and probably one of my closest confidants. She's been through the thick and thin with me and I felt like I could never repay her enough for her help. I very well knew that had it not been for her, I wasn't sure I'd be standing here as I am. Things could have been so much worse.

"Carlisle." She smiled warmly. "It's always good to see you."

"Thank you, Liz. It's always a pleasure."

She stepped aside to let me through, her deep caramel colored hair pinned back into a neat low bun. She was always so radiant with glowing skin, her bright green eyes always so warm and welcoming. I'd always wondered what my life would have been like had I married her instead of Esme. But I banished the thought from my mind immediately. It was in appropriate.

I followed her into the intricately decorated sitting room. The sight of it, and most of the house never ceased to bring back memories of Esme when she had been working on it. She'd been really talented in interior decorating. She'd had an eye for it like no other person I knew.

I took my seat on the deep chocolate colored chaise lounge and leaned my elbows on my knees. I felt her move and sit on the ottoman beside me and I raised my head to meet her gaze.

"How are the boys, Carlisle?"

"They're good. Emmett is Emmett." I chuckled lightly. "He's always in his own little world, doing his own thing." I paused and I knew she was more interested in finding out about Edward and I couldn't help but think back to my last encounter with him before I left. "Edward is… I guess he's just Edward in his own way. The same Edward that has been around for over two years now."

"He looked so good the last time I saw him at Christmas. He seems so much happier."

"He is. And I do believe it has something to do with his girlfriend Bella Swan. Who would have thought that Edward would be committed?" I asked, smiling slightly. She smiled softly at me.

"People change Carlisle. This is the first step of many for him."

"I know that." I said with a sigh. "But he's still so… insolent and rude and has absolutely no respect for me.

"I don't know what to do." I said, meeting her eyes pleadingly. "Every time I talk to him, he remarks with something utterly rude. He hates talking to me and I feel like I can't take it anymore. He's wearing on my patience and I'm sick and tired of threatening him. He doesn't seem to care anymore. I desperately don't want to send him away. He's my son, I don't care what any papers say, he _is _my son and I want to help him but I'm just lost as to how."

I felt her hand meet my shoulder, giving it a small reassuring squeeze.

"I know this will be difficult but it has to be done Carlisle. You need to get him into therapy."

"He refuses!" I said with exasperation. "You know I've tried but I can't very well grab him by the ankles and drag him to a therapist against his will. You can't help someone who doesn't want the help. It will be useless."

"I'm talking to you like a sister now, Carlisle. A sister and a friend that wants only what's best for you and your son's wellbeing. _Go_ _with_ him."

My eyes snapped up to meet hers. She was staring at me intently, her gaze not faltering and I knew she was being serious.

"You know you need this just as much as he does."

"I'm part of the problem." I muttered, voicing her silent message.

"I wouldn't put it like that." She corrected. "But we would only be lying to ourselves if we denied the fact that most of Edward's problems stem from your relationship with Esme. Everything in his eyes is misconstrued. He is looking through the eyes of a child of two parents who fought. He doesn't know the back story. He doesn't know exactly what went on and that is wrong, Carlisle. He has every right to know the truth."

"And you know what that will achieve in doing?" I asked coldly. "All it will achieve in doing is tarnishing the memory of his mother. His relationship with Esme was everything to him, Liz. She was his rock. She may have made some mistakes in her life, ones that were selfish and disloyal regarding her marriage but at the end of the day, she was his mother and she did a great job of doing it."

"This can't keep up." She said simply.

"You think I don't know that?" I snapped. When I saw the look on her face I felt sick to the stomach. "I apologize. That was rude of me."

"Let me get you a drink. I think you could really do with one." She said with a sad sigh, raising herself from the ottoman and leaving the room.

I leaned my head back against the lounge and shut my eyes, feeling the beginning of a headache starting to veer its way in.

I felt her shadow rather than heard her appear. I opened my eyes and straightened myself in my seat, murmuring a thank you as I took the glass of bourbon out of Liz's hand. I took a few sips, reveling in the warmth of the liquid and the slight burn.

"When does Alec get home from work?" I asked, needing a break from the dreary topic of my life.

"It depends. He should be here no later than an hour."

"How is Heidi?" I asked, feeling my lips curl into a smile. Heidi was like the daughter I never had.

"She's good. She's at a friend's place for the night."

"I would love to have her over in Forks. The boys would love it too. If you'd let me take her with me."

She smiled, "I'm sure she'd love that idea. I'll bring it up to her."

After a long silence, she asked, "How is he in school?"

"Much better. His grades have improved which I'm so relieved about. He's focused in that sense. I've never doubted his ability in his education. He's always been a smart kid. He just lost his way for a while and I was worried that it would screw it all up for his future. But he's back on track."

"It's something."

"Very true, but he's still angry. He carries around so much anger and guilt that I'm worried he's going to eventually do something stupid that he'll regret."

"He needs help Carlisle and only you can convince him of it."

"How? How on earth do I convince him to get help? Going to a therapist will leave me with no other choice but to reveal the truth to him. _All _of it. I'm not sure I'm prepared to do that. I've done so many things wrong, Liz. I blame myself for the way he is and I'm just worried that when he finds out exactly what happened between Esme and me that all it will do is push him further away from me. I'm terrified of losing him, Liz."

"Don't take this the wrong way Carlisle," she said cautiously, her eyes apprehensive on mine. "But you're already losing him."

Her words stung deep. Not because of their harshness but because of their truth. It was true, Edward was slipping through my fingers and I wasn't sure of how to stop it.

"He will find out." I said despondently, staring at the ground by my feet. "I will have to tell him the truth and it will crush him. Everything he's ever known will be wiped out. This could be that last stab in the wound."

"You can't hide the truth forever. There will come a day when it will come out sooner or later, Carlisle. Put yourself in his position… how would you feel?"

"Betrayed," I answered without hesitation.

"You've had five years to come up with a way to tell him. This is his life, Carlisle."

I buried my face into my hands and tried to take a deep calming breath. It was proving to be more than I could handle. More emotions than I had the strength to deal with. And after years of trying to do what was right by my son, I feel like I've completely failed in doing so. All I've achieved in doing is push him further away from me.

"And Caius?" she asked then quietly.

I raised my head to meet her gaze and stared at her for a moment. "Caius." I repeated with a shake of my head.

"Carlisle." Liz began, her voice soft but firm. "It was a long time ago and despite what Esme's wish may have been, he has every right to know, too." When I remained silent she continued with a sigh. "Sometimes I hate my sister for what she did and what she left behind. And then I hate myself for feeling something so horrible. At the end of the day she was my sister just like Caius is your brother. They're family."

"Excuse me Liz if I'm about to come across as rude, but if they believed in the love of a family then they wouldn't have done what they did and created this mess."

She pressed her lips into a thin line. "I know, but holding on to that hate and betrayal will do nothing but drag you further down into that deep dark hole."

Silence lingered then and I did nothing but cradle my head in my hands, thinking over everything, my life, my past, my future and how it was all about to change for me.

"I need to go prepare a few last minute things for dinner and you're staying to eat with us, no buts. I'll leave you to it, Carlisle." Liz's voice was soft as her hand came to rest on my leg. I raised my head to meet her warm eyes and nodded slowly, appreciative of her support.

"I'll be fine. I might go sit outside for a minute or so." She nodded with a small smile before getting up and heading into the kitchen.

I stood up from the lounge and walked through the dining room till I reached the sliding doors leading out into the yard. I stepped outside, then shut the door behind me and pulled my coat closer against my body. It was a cold night, but not enough to keep me inside. I welcomed the cool air, it felt refreshing against my face.

I took a seat on one of the outdoor iron chairs and leaned back comfortably. It always felt good to be back in Seattle. It felt like home. I didn't mind Forks, it was quiet and the people were great. But I couldn't see myself living there after Emmett and Edward have headed off to College. That's when I'd return to Seattle.

I thought back over my conversation with Liz. Everything she said was correct. I needed to take Edward to therapy and most importantly, I needed to attend with him. I was a huge part of the problems and it all resulted from the lack of communication. Edward and I have always had issues in communicating, for as long as I could remember.

I liked to believe that deep down, somewhere, he did love me like a son loves a father. But taking into account the way he treats me, I find that hard to believe. He resents me for the way I treated his mother. But things are never black and white. Things between Esme and me had never been smooth and I'd hate to say it was entirely her fault, because a failed marriage can hardly ever be blamed solely on one party but in our case, she was the problem. If only I saw the signs more clearly back then. Now that I look back, I feel utterly stupid in being so blind. Or maybe it was just denial.

_Christmas 1988_

"Where'd you get that from?"

All he did was smirk in response, an impish lop sided grin. He shrugged nonchalantly before raising the flask to his lips and taking a swig. He grunted as it went down, his eyes closing slightly in satisfaction as he shuddered.

"Smooth." He said, opening his slightly glazed eyes to meet mine. He held the flask out to me, offering me a swig.

"You know if dad finds out, he'd have your head done in." I replied but took the flask out of his hands anyway. I brought it to my lips and tipped it back, taking a decent swallow of the warm smooth liquid. I couldn't hold back the shudder that ripped through my body in response.

"Yeah, but he won't." He replied confidently, snatching the flask back and taking another drink.

"It works in keeping the cold at bay."

"That it does." He replied blankly, his eyes focused on the stretch of lawn before us. It was covered in thick white snow. The trees in the yard were spotted with speckles of white over their green leaves.

"So, what'd you get her?" He asked after a long silence. I looked over at him, taking in his long blond locks that fell over his eyes. His eyes were in deep focus ahead of him and it made me wonder where his concentration lay.

"A necklace." I replied.

"Typical." He muttered.

"Excuse me?"

He turned his gaze to me, "I said typical. Jewelry is such a typical gift."

I pursed my lips to keep the nasty remark to myself. I scowled at the yard and couldn't help but think over his words.

"It's got an apple pendant on it." I said a little bitterly.

"An apple?" He questioned.

"Yeah, there have been afternoons we've spent picking apples. It's significant."

He shrugged dismissively but said nothing and I grew agitated with his attitude.

"Well, what would you have gotten her?" I asked challengingly.

"I would have compiled a cassette of songs that we both have listened to in the past as well as songs that remind me of her. I'd also give her a bag of coffee beans from the first place we ever had coffee together. It's easy to go out and just purchase something but when you put time and effort into a gift, well, that is just priceless."

I was taken aback by how thought out his response was and how quickly he'd responded to my question. He may not have been talking about Esme, but his voice didn't sound as dispassionate as I would have liked for it to be.

We sat in silence for a few moments, the both of us staring out in front of us. The hustle and bustle of Christmas was filtering out from inside the house, aunts and uncles, parents and grandparents. Christmas at the Cullen house was always a crowded one.

We'd already had dinner and dessert and so everyone inside was just hanging out. The men were in the back, drinking themselves stupid. The women were tidying up after dinner and also, drinking glasses of wine as they did so. Everyone was happy and cheerful.

A light tap on the door behind us made Caius and I both snap our heads around. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face when Esme stood there, looking between the two of us shyly.

"Hi," she said with a soft smile.

"Hey," I breathed, unable to hold back my grin. I held my hand out for her, indicating for her to come sit by me. She stepped out, dressed in a beautiful deep orange dress. It fell just below her knees and the straps on her shoulders were made out of lace, detailed with tiny little jewels.

She took my hand and sat down next to me. Caius scooted over, making plenty of room for her to sit. I was kind of hoping he'd head inside and leave us alone. It wasn't often Esme and I got to spend time by ourselves.

"Merry Christmas." She said, turning to look into my eyes. Her eyes then darted to my lips and I licked mine in response. I leaned in and kissed her softly.

"Merry Christmas." I said grasping her hand and holding it in my lap. Her hand was small and soft and always so warm. "Hope you've had a nice day."

"Chaotic but that's the beauty of Christmas, right?" She answered. We heard Caius scoff from beside her. I ignored him but Esme turned her attention towards him.

"You don't agree?"

He met her gaze slowly, "Not particularly. Everyone can be so generic. If people were to really speak their minds, they'd tell you that the one thing they hate about Christmas is the pleasantries associated with it. The gathering of family that you see only on occasions such as this and Thanksgiving is all forced in the name of tradition because deep down, you couldn't really give a fuck about any of them. Everyone is just acting and pretending that everything is so fucking peachy when deep down, they can't wait to get out of each other's sight. Why do you think they drink so much?" He questioned. I was surprised he wasn't out of breath by the time he finished and all I could do was roll my eyes. He could be such a pessimist sometimes.

"I can't believe I'm saying this..." Esme said slowly. "But I think I may agree with you on some level."

Caius turned towards her and gave that impish smirk. She shook her head but was grinning when she turned back toward me and laid her head on my shoulder.

After a while, she lifted her head and said to Caius, "You don't have anyone special to spend Christmas with?"

"Special?" He repeated. "Well, what would you and my big brother count for?" He questioned with a leering smile. Esme looked down in what looked like a bashful way.

I had to roll my eyes at his advances. He knew how to talk his way around things.

"I have your gift to give you." I said hoping to steer the conversation in my favor. Her bright eyes turned to me in excitement. She was so beautiful when she was excited like that.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, come with me." I said standing up and helping her up with me.

"I have to give you yours too."

"Yeah, but me first." I said dragging her inside by the hand. Luckily, we didn't pass anyone as we made our way up the stairs and to my bedroom. I let go of her hand by the door and went to the bottom drawer of my desk and pulled out the small white box. I turned back around to face her and waved her over.

She stepped toward me, her eyes eagerly darting between me and the box. I held it out for her and watched as she slowly took it out of my hands and lifted the lid.

"Oh," she breathed in surprised. She looked up at me with excited eyes before reaching in to carefully lift the necklace out.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"It's beautiful Carlisle. I love it." She said, holding the apple pendant against the palm of her hand for a closer look.

"Let me put it on." I said, gesturing with my finger for her to turn around. Once I'd clipped it on around her neck, I held her by the shoulders and made her turn back around to face me.

"Thank you." She said, gazing into my eyes lovingly. I smiled then leaned forward and captured her lips with mine. She sighed softly as I kissed her, her hands locking around my neck to hold me in place. She was always so sweet tasting.

We eventually pulled away from each other and just stood in the middle of my room holding each other. That was, until I heard my father calling my name.

_Present_

The sound of the sliding door opening behind me snapped me out of my thoughts. I spun my head around and saw Liz popping her head out.

"Alec is home and dinner is set."

I nodded and stood up, carrying in my glass of bourbon with me. I greeted Alec when he walked into the dining room and we took our seats. Liz was a fantastic cook and because home cooked meals were a rarity for me now days, dinner at Liz's was like a treat.

We spoke during dinner, mostly about work and family, nothing deep and nothing concerning Edward. Alec normally would give his two cents worth on the issue of my life if I asked but he preferred to stay out of it, which was fine by me. I already burdened his wife enough for the two of them.

I helped clear the table after dinner then joined Alec in the den for a short while. I was expected somewhere else so after an hour or so, I excused myself to leave.

"Are you going to drop by tomorrow?" Liz asked as she walked me to the door.

"I will try my best. I'm working the night shift so I will need to be back in Forks by six in the evening."

"I understand." She said with a small smile. "Be safe, Carlisle."

"You too, Liz. Have a goodnight."

I turned and made my way to my car and climbed in. I put the car into gear, peeled out of their driveway and took off.

_November 1989_

I pushed my way through the throng of guests, smiling politely as I passed. I got stopped numerous times on my way, receiving congratulations and wishes of luck for a long, bright and happy future with my bride-to-be. I tried to hide my anxiety as I conversed; desperately wishing I could just ignore everyone and go find her.

It wasn't until about twenty minutes later that I managed to pry myself out of the conversations and continue on my quest.

Just as I reached the foot of the stairs, my name was called and I had to fight back a growl in irritation.

"Carlisle." My father's voice came from behind me. I reluctantly turned around to face him, awaiting his message impatiently.

"Yes, dad?"

"We will be cutting the cake and making the toast in about twenty minutes. I want you and Esme outside beneath the marquee no later than that, you hear me?"

"Sure, will do."

"And if you find Caius, tell him to lay off the booze. We don't need him humiliating himself in front of everybody." He said irritably. My father could be a scary man. With his tall, broad frame and serious blue eyes he was quite intimidating. People were careful around him because with a few words he could cut you up. He'd always been like that; strong and assertive and determined.

"I'll tell him but I don't really think he's had all that much."

"He thinks I can't see him sucking on that flask?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow, frustration clearly visible in his eyes. "That things been clutched in his hand all night. If it weren't for the fact that I'm busy entertaining, I would have showed him exactly what I thought of his behavior."

I nodded but said nothing, not willing to argue on Caius' behalf. That was his problem. I turned back for the stairs and tried not to sprint up them with my eagerness.

I turned left down the hall toward my bedroom, wondering if Esme was inside. I knew how she felt about crowds so I wondered whether she'd escaped up here for some privacy.

As I neared I could hear some murmured voices and soft laughter. I furrowed my brows as the voices seemed to be coming from further down the hall from the direction of Caius' bedroom. I approached slowly, not wanting to be heard and peered through the opening of the door that had been left slightly ajar.

"And you wrote all this yourself?" I heard Esme ask.

"Yep. Everyone has their therapy and I guess in a way this is mine." Caius explained.

"That's a lot of therapy." She giggled.

"What are you saying?" He asked in a teasing voice.

"Nothing." She replied quickly, amusement coloring her tone. I heard some shuffling and because I couldn't take it any longer, I leaned further in to see what they were doing.

Esme was perched on the edge of Caius' bed. Her long creamy legs stretched out in front of her and crossed at the ankles. The hem of her deep green silk dress sat on her knees, the material resting beautifully against the soft curves of her body. Her copper hair was left down, curled lightly and pinned up on one side. She really did look breath taking.

Caius appeared into view then, clad in some dark dress pants and a deep red button down shirt. It wasn't often he dressed so formally so it was odd seeing him dressed up. His hair was unusually brushed back off his face but he had those few stubborn locks that always rebelled forward and onto his forehead.

He moved to sit beside her and held out something tiny for her in the palm of his hand that I couldn't see from where I was standing. Esme carefully picked it up and held it between her fingers in her lap. It was a red guitar pick. _His _guitars pick.

"You can have that. It was the first pick I ever had." He shrugged one shoulder a little, trying to play the gesture off casually but I knew him better than that.

I scowled, pissed at him for giving her something so meaningful to him. Trying to fight back my anger, I placed my palm flat against the door and pushed it all the way open. Both their heads snapped up to meet mine, but neither one looked guilty of anything.

"Hey you!" Esme said with a grin. "I was looking all over for you downstairs." She stood up and walked over to me, leaning up to kiss my chin. My eyes stayed locked on Caius who looked indifferent as he picked up the guitar pick she'd tossed onto the bed when she saw me. I couldn't help but internally cheer.

"I was stuck mingling." I said, turning my attention to her. "Then I lost you."

"I needed to escape the crowd for a bit. It can get overwhelming when everybody is fighting for your attention. So I came up here and found Caius playing his guitar and made him play for me. He's really good."

"Dad said to lay off the alcohol." I said coldly, my anger at him seeping through my voice.

"I've only had one drink." He retorted.

"You're not fooling him." I snapped.

His eyes narrowed at me in annoyance but before he could say anything, Esme grabbed me the arm and began to pull me out of the room.

"Let's go, I want to show you something." She said. I let her pull me out of the room, refusing to let my brother get to me on a day like today.

I followed her down the hall into my room where she pulled me in and shut the door behind her.

"We have the cake to cut in like…" I glanced at my wrist watch. "Ten minutes."

"Plenty of time." She said smiling cheekily. She stepped forward and kissed me. I let her take the lead and set the pace. It was slow but deep and I struggled to hold myself back from throwing her onto my bed and having my way with her.

"We'll be Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle Masen Cullen in just over a year." She grinned up at me.

I couldn't help but match her expression, "I know. What a day that will be."

She nuzzled her face into my chest and I held her close trying to ignore the unsettling feeling that was forming inside of me. I wasn't sure where it was stemming from but something told me it was just the beginning.

_Present_

I sighed at the memories as I leaned against the door frame in the nipping cold and waited for the door to be answered. It was all coming to me like it'd happened yesterday and I hated that feeling.

But when the door opened and I saw her standing before me, with an elated smile cast over her soft features I couldn't help but feel some of my worries fade into the background.

"Hi, darling." I said stepping forward and leaning down to press a kiss to her lips.

"Hi," she said smiling as her fingers gripped the front of my shirt. She pulled me in and I happily obliged, kicking the door shut behind me.

I followed her into her house, my eyes unable to steer away from the sway of her ass as she walked. She had a wonderful round ass and the jeans she was wearing only accentuated that.

She looked at me over her shoulder and smiled playfully, knowing all too well where my focus was. I shrugged, as if to say 'I couldn't help it'.

She led me into the kitchen where a chocolate mud cake covered in assorted berries sat in a cake stand. My favorite and she always made the effort to bake one for me whenever I came to visit. A glass of cold white wine sat beside it and she picked it up and took a sip, her eyes locking with mine over the rim of the glass.

"What will it be tonight?" She asked.

"Bourbon." I answered. She nodded and turned to a small cabinet where the alcohol sat. She pulled out a bottle of Woodland's Reserve and carefully poured me a glass. She walked over to me and pressed it against my chest, her eyes studying me closely.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her playful expression from before was gone.

I brought the glass to my lips and took a pull. "Nothing, I'm fine now." I said smiling, hoping it looked convincing.

She reached around me to place her wine glass on the counter behind me and then took my own glass out of my hand and placed it beside hers.

"Tell me Carlisle." She pressed, her hands reaching up and pushing my coat off my shoulders. I helped her slip it off and she moved to rest it against a stool before coming to stand in front of me again.

"Carmen, I'm fine." I sighed. She frowned at me, her pink lips down turning at the sides in disapproval. Her long black hair was pulled up into a loose pony tail, making her big grey eyes stand out even more than usual.

"Whatever it is, maybe I can make you forget… even if it's for a short while." She said huskily, running her hand down over the belt of my pants and to my crotch. I groaned as her warm hand rubbed me through the material of my pants, my body responding to her touch effortlessly.

I spun us around and lifted her up by the hips and placed her on the counter, making her eye level with me. I brought my forehead to hers and just closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling her scent. Her lips came to mine and I responded enthusiastically, loving the taste of the mildly sweet alcohol on her tongue. She began to unbutton my shirt and my lips dragged down to her neck, licking and sucking her flesh, trying to forget the issues plaguing my mind.

"I've missed you so much." She breathed. "You have no idea."

She pulled my shirt out of my pants and leaned forward to kiss and suck at my neck. My hands slipped beneath her sweater to feel the smoothness of her skin and even though I was enjoying every kiss and touch, my brain wouldn't seem to switch off.

She must have sensed this, because she suddenly leaned back and pushed me away with her hand by the chest softly. She was looking down into her lap, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry." I apologized. "I want to, so desperately but-"

"I understand." She said meeting my eyes and forcing a small smile. She pushed me back a little further and slid off the counter. She held out my glass of bourbon for me to take, grabbed her own glass of wine and turned for the lounge.

She took a seat on one of her dark leather couches and I moved to sit beside her. She twisted so she was facing me but wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Carmen." I sighed placing my glass on the wooden coffee table and leaning back exhaustedly against the couch. My visits to Seattle were scarce and far between so I hated the fact that when I got these chances to spend time with her, I was always being weighed down with my problems. It was a never ending cycle. We were never able to just enjoy each other's company.

"It's fine, Carlisle." She said sounding despondent and far from fine.

"It won't be like this much longer, I can promise you that."

"You've been saying that for the past eighteen months." She said finally meeting my eyes.

"I know," I agreed reluctantly. "But once I get through all these issues, then my focus will be entirely on us, ok?"

"I hate to sound whiny, but will it ever be just on us? You've got two boys that are dealing with so much, Carlisle. It will take years before anything is really resolved."

"Since you've mentioned it," I began warily. "I'm going to tell Edward. Everything." Her head snapped up to mine, her eyes wide with surprise. She appeared to hesitate in what to say before she finally spoke.

"When?" She asked, placing her wine glass on the coffee table and turning to give me her undivided attention.

"I don't know. I have to speak to Caius first."

"Of course. Oh Carlisle, how do you think he's going to take it?"

"Who? Edward or Caius?"

"Both." She answered after a moment's thought.

"I honestly have no idea about Edward. I think this will break him and I don't think I will be able to make him see from my point of view why I've waited. And Caius… it will be a shock no doubt but sometimes I wonder whether he's ever suspected it himself. They are so much alike."

"But he'll accept it with open arms." She said sounding certain.

"He loved her. I believe he always had and I think he will take it as a link to her."

"Oh God," she said quietly, shaking her head slowly, her eyes in deep thought. "What massive news this will be to them both. I'm worried, Carlisle." She grabbed my hand and cradled it in her lap.

"Me too," I said smiling tensely. "I may lose them both."

"No," she said firmly. "You won't, none of this was your fault and despite Esme's choosing to not say anything, I believe that the fact you waited was a good choice. It's been two years since she passed."

"But I'm skeptical to whether Edward is ready to hear something like this. He's still struggling and I've decided to take him to therapy, which I will be attending with him."

She smiled proudly at me, her eyes lighting up with relief and love. "And I'll be there every step of the way. I want this so bad for you. I want you to start being happy."

"You make me happy. You've always made me happy, Carmen." I replied sincerely. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into my lap so that she sat with a leg on either side of me.

I met Carmen about six years ago when she began nursing at the hospital I was previously working at here in Seattle. We seemed to hit it off pretty much straight away, an undeniable attraction brewing between us from that first encounter. But I never acted upon anything despite the meager state of my marriage to Esme back then. As a victim of infidelity, I could never have done to Esme what she did to me. Deception is a harsh punishment, no matter what the circumstances.

_October 1992_

I continued to stare at her, my mind rolling over all the different scenarios that could be reason for her odd behavior as of late. This was unlike her… distant, lost and sad. It appeared that clearly something was plaguing her and I feared what it could be.

"Esme." I repeated when she'd ignored me the first time. She hummed in answer, her eyes still focused on Emmet who she had just placed into his cot. He was the apple of her eye and I never tired of watching her with him.

She seemed satisfied that he was fast asleep and turned to head out of the room, completely ignoring my presence. Irritated, I followed behind her.

"Did Caius stop by today?" And if I hadn't been watching her back so closely I probably would have missed the slight flinch of her shoulders at my words. I narrowed my eyes at her back.

"No." She replied dismissively. She continued into the kitchen, clutching one of Emmett's empty bottles in her hands. She moved to the sink and began to rinse it out, her back turned towards me. It was as if I wasn't even there.

"My father called this afternoon and said he may be heading down here tomorrow evening."

She nodded her acknowledgement, drying her hands on a kitchen towel before opening a cupboard and pulling out a white mug.

"God dammit, Esme!" I snapped loudly. She spun around to face me, her features contorted into shock and even faintly guilt. "What is up with you?"

"Nothing is up with me." She answered back quietly, looking down at her feet.

"Esme, I know you better than anyone and this is not you. This…" I said waving a hand from her head to her feet. "In front of me now-this is not my wife. The woman who I have been living with for the past month or so is not my wife."

She stared back silently, her hands beginning to wring together anxiously. That was a nervous quirk of hers and it only made my stomach clench further in fear.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what's bothering you."

"Nothing is bothering me." She replied looking down at her hands.

"Esme…"

If it were possible to feel your heart writhe and clench within your chest, that's exactly what I felt the moment I saw a tear glide down her cheek. I swallowed back my fear and tried to keep a hold on my anxiety.

"I did something…" She barely whispered, finally looking up to meet my eyes. Her eyes were welling up with tears. She looked so small in that moment. Small and defeated already and she hadn't even confessed to anything yet. I clenched my jaw, bracing myself.

"Tell me." I barely managed to demand. But then it suddenly hit me like a cold hard block of ice, with a force that almost left me staggering. My chest clenched painfully and my vision was turning red.

"Caius." I gritted out disbelievingly.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered. Her hand flew to her mouth to cover up a sob.

I stared back at her, frozen, because honestly my mind was reeling and attempting to form anything coherent just wasn't possible in that moment.

I dragged an anxious hand through my hair and took a few steps back, needing to distance myself from her a little. My heart was hammering violently within its confinements, making it feel like it was about to pound its way out of my chest.

I knew Caius had always had a thing for Esme. From that first day I introduced her to him, I felt it. I could see it so clearly in his eyes, the way he had regarded her. But as the years went on, Esme never showed signs of sharing that attraction. But maybe she was just better at hiding it than he was? Or maybe I was just oblivious to it, just for the sake of my heart.

"Carlisle?" She questioned with a shaky voice when I continued to just stand there and stare ahead of me with no real focus. Her voice snapped my attention back to her. "Say something, please."

"I don't think I can quite express into words exactly what I'm feeling right now, Esme. If I could even try to pin point one leading emotion, that would help, but I can't."

I walked over to the arm chair that sat a few inches to my left, needing to relieve my shaking legs of my weight. I cradled my head in my hands and tried to fight back the onslaught of bitter emotions swirling vigorously inside of me.

"When?" I asked after a long moment's silence.

"Five weeks ago." She barely murmured. I couldn't even look her in the eye. It would just hurt too much.

"This is so fucked up." I said. "My brother?" I shook my head, wishing there was something I could do that would rip me out of this moment and take me far away, away from everyone and everything.

"I know and I'm sorry. It just happened-"

"Stop!" I snapped. "I don't want to hear that it meant nothing or that you didn't mean it because that doesn't change anything." I said through gritted teeth, feeling the burn of my own tears forming behind my eyelids. I took a moment to close my eyes and fight back the anger that was brewing inside of me. The last thing I wanted to do was lose it with her when Emmett was sleeping just down the hall.

After a long moment's silence filled with Esme's soft crying I said, "I honestly don't know what to say." I stood up and left the room, unable to remain in her presence any longer.

I got into my car and just drove around town blindly, hoping I could try to settle the contents of my brain but all it achieved in doing was allow to me think. I thought of Caius and how well he had hidden this. I've spent a lot of time with him over the past few weeks and nothing would have indicated what he'd done. I thought about Emmett, how Esme had disregarded the fact she'd just had a baby and slept with my brother!

I hadn't realized where I was driving until I was one street away from Caius' place and by then I had worked myself up into a frenzy. Before I knew it, I was in his driveway and if there was anyone to answer my questions it would be Caius. Esme was too weighed down with guilt and emotion that speaking to her would just hurt me that much more. Caius would give it to me straight.

I knocked on the door and fidgeted on my feet, my heart pounding violently, relentlessly. It's harsh thick echo in my ear was deafening. I was struggling to keep a hold on my anger and emotions but I'd never felt anything so strong and potent. And a part of me, just didn't want to hold anything back. My hands were shaking with rage, twitching to connect with something… preferably _his _face. Oh it would feel so good.

The barrier of the door was removed from between us and Caius appeared behind it, looking somewhat surprised by my late visit. My anger escalated and all I could think about was how he had touched my wife. Did things to her that only I should ever do.

Before logic could kick in, my palms found the top of this chest roughly, making him stagger backwards with surprise.

"What the hell?" He bellowed. I took a few more steps in, clutched him by the collar of his shirt and slammed his back against the wall roughly.

"You prick! You fucking prick!" I roared. Recognition seemed to wash over his features and he surrendered, giving up the fight to push me off.

"She told you." He said, his voice void of any emotion.

"You've always wanted her. You've always wanted whatever I've had. How could you?" I could feel the anger swirling uncontrollably inside of me, bubbling up and making my insides twist and turn with a sour burn.

My grip around his collar tightened and I thrust him hard against the wall, wanting to inflict the same amount of pain in him that I was feeling in that moment. But that was impossible. Nothing could come close to the ache that was sharply dragging through my heart like a dagger.

I hated him. I hated my brother and in that moment, I refused to believe I shared blood with someone so disgusting.

"It just happened." He said calmly, appearing unfazed by my actions.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Caius." I snapped. I could feel myself shaking, my hands struggling to keep their firm grip on him. "You fucked my wife." I said, pouring every ounce of disgust and revulsion into those four words. Then, letting my anger and hurt guide me, my fist connected with his jaw, his head spinning to the side on his neck. He gritted his teeth together, fighting off his pain.

"You couldn't get your own wife so you come and fuck mine?" I seethed my voice reeking with venom. I'd realized by that point that I'd pretty much lost all rational thought and was being led purely by my emotions, firing out the words without thought. "You're despicable, fucking pathetic and people like you deserve to rot in hell."

Before I could register it, I was pushed back then slammed against the opposite wall of the short hall, stumbling backward with the surprise of the move. But Caius kept me up and pinned my back to the wall with his forearm forcefully pressed against my upper chest, forcing my chin up, effectively making my eyes level with his.

"I know no matter what I say or do won't change what happened but don't blame Esme for this."

I blinked at him, surprised by his random request and unable to register the fact that he was trying to defend her.

"I don't think I could ever forgive either you." I said.

"I take the blame."

"Are you saying you coerced her into it?"

"No, but I made it hard for her to say no."

My eyes were darting between his, trying to read the emotion behind them. He was always so closed off. It was hard to ever decipher what he was truly feeling and it was frustrating like nothing else.

Then I spat in his face. It was a below the belt move but in that moment I didn't care. He grunted and squeezed his eyes shut momentarily, visibly fighting back his anger. But when his eyes opened, he appeared to have reeled it all back in.

"Give me all you've got brother." He said seriously, coaxing me to fight back. "I deserve everything you throw my way." It seemed too easy though. The fact that he was asking for it didn't make it feel better.

"Why?" I asked eventually, ignoring his request and needing to at least know that much.

The pressure of his lock on me loosened and he took a few steps back, his eyes never leaving mine. He appeared to be thinking through his words carefully.

"Spit it out."

"I don't know exactly."

"Bullshit." I snapped.

"There's something there."

"There's always been something there." I corrected.

He hesitated before responding. "For me… yes. For her? I'm not so sure. She loves you." He said simply.

"What a sure way to show it." I laughed with no absolutely humor.

"It's true." He said, closing the distance between us again and forcing the intent of his stare onto me. "People make mistakes. Do things they don't mean."

"You think that justifies it?" I asked incredulously. "Makes it all better?"

"No." He answered with a slight shake of his head. "But it makes forgiveness easier."

"Right now, that's the furthest thing from my mind. I'm still struggling to digest what I've discovered." Then without pre-thought I asked, "Do you love her?" When he remained standing there unmoving I asked again.

"I can't answer that." He replied after a long pause.

"Stay away from her." I said then. "Stay away from me and my family. If I never see you again it will be for the best."

His eyes fell to the floor, his stance for the first time since appearing at the door looking defeated.

"Understood." He barely replied.

Without another word, I turned for the door and let myself out, hoping that was the last time I ever saw his face.

_Present_

I looked up to find Carmen standing before me, holding a huge serving of her mud cake on a plate, beside it a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I met her eyes and smiled in thanks, taking the plate out of her hands.

"Thought this might help." She murmured before sitting back down beside me.

In honesty, I didn't have the appetite to eat anything but not wanting to upset her, I forked a small slice off and ate it. It was so decadent and rich.

"You should have opened your own bakery. Your desserts are always so delectable."

She smiled softly, "Yes, but I've always loved medicine. And I probably wouldn't have ever met you had I pursued a career in baking."

"That's true." I agreed, placing the cake on the coffee table in front of me.

"Will you stay the night?"

I paused for a moment. "I want to but-"

"I'm not expecting anything." She said quickly. "I just miss you." I met her eyes and saw her eyes looking cautious and guarded. I knew she feared that someday I'd leave, unable to hold a relationship because of time and my problems.

"I love you Carmen." I said, leaning toward her to press a soft lingering kiss on her lips. "Things will get better. Just bear with me."

She nodded, smiling half-heartedly back at me, appearing not completely convinced by my words. Unable to watch the apprehension in her gaze, I wrapped my fingers around her hand and tugged her up with me off the couch. I led her to her bedroom and laid her down on the bed. My mind may not have been completely in it, but in that moment, I needed to show this woman just how much she meant to me and how much I appreciated her patience and support.

_June 2004_

I was assaulted by the sweet nectar of chocolate and cinnamon floating through the house when I walked in. I felt my body sigh happily at the scent as I lugged a few heavy shopping bags in the direction of the kitchen.

It felt like I'd walked into a bakery bomb site. Flour, sugar, measuring cups, bowls, milk and baking trays were scattered over every available surface, the dark marble benches invisible beneath all the clutter and white powder.

Esme and Elizabeth were flitting around the kitchen, both with aprons around their waist. From behind I was unable to identify which one was which they looked so similar. The only difference I could find was that Elizabeth's hair was a little browner than red in comparison to Esme.

I watched as Liz ambled over to the oven and pulled out two trays of cup cakes before replacing them with a tray of what looked like some savory pastries. They still both had yet to sense my presence.

Taking advantage of the situation, I quickly placed the shopping bags on the floor as there was no bench space for them and quietly snagged what looked like some ginger snap cookies. To my delight, they were already cool so I took a bite and savored the crunch and slight tang.

"Oh know you don't!" Esme admonished with a grin when she spotted me. "They're for the kids, Carlisle."

"Yeah dad, they're for the kids." Emmett said strolling in casually and grabbing a cookie for himself.

"Emmett!"

"I'm sure the birthday boy gets the green card?" Edward asked, appearing behind Emmett and shoveling a cookie into his mouth. Esme placed her hands on her hips and shook her head at us, a few loose tendrils of hair whipping around her face.

"I'm sure you can all wait a few more hours till the party starts… then you can eat all you want." Liz said, smiling in amusement.

"True, but I'm hungry now." Emmett retorted, eyeing the tray of cup cakes that had just come out of the oven.

"Ooh, cookies!" Heidi exclaimed appearing suddenly and snatching up a cookie. I looked over at Esme and couldn't help but chuckle at her defeated expression.

"These would go great with milk." Edward said stuffing another one into his mouth before dusting crumbs off his hands onto his jeans.

"Carlisle, could you be a dear and go get some lunch for the kids?"

"Sure," I agreed, knowing she just wanted all of us out of her way.

"Hey, I'm twelve, don't group me into the 'kids' category." Emmett said, rolling his shoulders back and standing up tall.

"Then you don't get to eat." Edward smirked, nudging Emmett. "Only the _kids_ get lunch." Emmett took a moment to consider that before relenting.

"_Officially _no longer a kid at thirteen." He concluded. "I'm good."

I chuckled at the two of them before guiding them all out of the kitchen and into my car.

Four hours later the party was in full swing. Our backyard was filled with delighted kids, laughing and running around. A group of them were batting a piñata that Esme had purchased and stuffed with an endless amount of candy.

"Move over kid, this thing needs some beef." Emmett said nudging a smaller kid out of the way. The kid relented unhappily, handing his stick over to Emmett. "Watch and learn." Emmett grinned before striking the piñata with force, sending it swinging back.

Edward stood just behind Emmett, being careful not to get hit accidently. His hair was standing up in all directions, partly from his hands and partly from running around and playing. His face was flushed with excitement and he started cheering Emmett on as he nailed into the piñata.

It didn't take long before a stream of candy showered to the floor and the kids dove right for it, some toppling over each other in their haste.

"Snickers are mine!" Edward bellowed as he tried to snatch up all the Snickers bars among the candy.

"Life Savers for me!" Another kid yelled.

"I hope you've packed enough Snickers bars in there." I chuckled to Esme when she appeared beside me. "Because all hell might break loose soon."

"I packed more Snickers than any other bar in there because I know how Edward is with them. Anyway, I have a few bags more in the pantry in case of an emergency." I draped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her against me.

Things between Esme and I were doing ok, for lack of a better word. We had to work hard to get through the situation that nearly ripped us apart 12 years ago. Things would never be how they were before, that much we both knew. As much as I would love to completely forget about what happened and move on I just couldn't find it in me to do so. I was still struggling with my trust. Even though most of the time we appeared to be happy, things were far from it. My heart had been wounded and it refused to let go of the pain.

"Edward took all the Snickers bars." Emmett complained appearing in front of us. "He's hogged them all."

Edward strolled over, holding the front of his shirt up by the hem so that all the candy he had gathered was cradled inside.

"It's about skill and speed." Edward said.

"Skill my ass."

"Emmett." Esme and I warned at the same time.

"You do realize one of you could yell out jinx, meaning it would stop the other person from talking…" He drifted off when he saw the look on our faces. "Sorry, won't say it again. Although, there are much worse words than ass out there."

"You said it again." Edward chuckled.

"Sorry."

"How about you go and put all that candy away because we're about to cut the cake." Esme suggested.

As they boys scurried off Esme and Liz disappeared inside to get the cake ready and bring it outside. Alec was setting up a table by the front of the yard for Edward while I gathered all the kids by the table announcing the cutting of the cake.

"Are there eleven candles?" Edward asked counting the candles on his cake.

"Yes, there is." I answered as I used a lighter to light each one.

Before long everyone was singing happy birthday to Edward as he stood in front of his cake, grinning from ear to ear. When the singing died down, he gulped in a huge breath of air and then let it out slowly, the candles flickering out.

Cheers erupted and Edward picked a candle out of the cake and licked the icing off the bottom.

"They grow up so fast." Emmett said, dramatically wiping away a fake tear. "Happy birthday little brother." He engulfed Edward into a bone crushing hug. Smiling cheekily, Emmett then twisted Edward around so that he suddenly had him in a head lock and rubbed his fist into the top of Edward's head.

"Get off me! Jerk…" Edward yelled as he tried to twist himself out of Emmett's hold. I shook my head at the two of them before prying them apart, Emmett laughing in uproar with satisfaction. Before I could stop him, Edward pushed Emmett back roughly by the chest causing Emmett to stagger backward.

"Hey now." I said stepping in between them. I could see the sides of Edward's lips threatening to curl into a smile. He wasn't really mad at Emmett, thankfully.

"Go help Aunt Liz in the kitchen, Emmett." I said wanting him to give Edward some peace.

"Happy birthday, Edward." I said smiling proudly at him. He smiled back, stepping forward and allowing me give him a hug. "I love you."

"Yeah, me too, Dad." He said before being swallowed up by Esme. She peppered his face with kisses, declaring how much she loved him and how proud she was of him. His face turned cherry red in embarrassment but I could tell he didn't want to upset her by pushing her away.

"My baby's all grown up." She crooned.

"Easy on the boy, Esme." I chuckled. She held him at arm's length by the shoulders and just gazed at him, his deep green eyes staring back at her. He looked so much like her it was uncanny at times.

"Edward!" one of his best friends Peter hollered.

"Coming." Edward called back, trying to disentangle himself from Esme's grasp. She reluctantly let him go before he jogged off toward Peter.

Everyone ate cake and some had second servings before the party began to wind down. The kid's sugar high began to die off as they all settled down, talking quietly and just mucking around among themselves.

I helped the girls clean up in the kitchen and packed a few Tupperware containers of cookies and cakes for Liz and Edward's friend Peter to take home. We had way too many.

By seven in the evening, all the kids had left, leaving only Peter who was apparently staying over the night. The three boys and Heidi were seated in front of the television, visibly exhausted after a long and eventful day.

I was taking out the trash when I saw his car pull up into the driveway. I tossed the bags into the trash can then shoved my hands deep into my pockets and waited for him. I had expected this visit, considering every year during the boy's birthdays and Christmas, he'd show up with gifts.

He never went inside the house though and never even tried and for that I was thankful because all it would achieve in doing is further the awkwardness between us. I wouldn't let him in. But I couldn't reject his offer of kindness to gift the kids. He'd been doing it since the day they were born and I wasn't about to stop him now. If he felt he needed to keep that attachment to them then so be it, I had no problem with that.

He strolled up my driveway, carrying a large green wrapped box in his hands. His eyes met mine briefly, reflecting absolutely nothing. He'd always had the skill of hiding his emotions so well, his expression indifferent. That was irritating when I could feel my anger brewing sourly inside of me which I was sure reflected through my face.

"Hi," he said stopping a few feet away from me. My eyes located a new tattoo on his left bicep that hadn't been there when I last saw him on Emmett's birthday a few months ago.

I nodded my greeting and waited. When he realized I wasn't going to respond he spoke, "I got a little something for Edward. I'd like to see him if that's ok with you but if it's not then I understand but I just request that you give this to him."

His relationship with the boys had always been a strong one, especially Edward. He claimed he didn't have the patience for kids and vowed he'd never get married but when I saw him with the boys, I wondered whether he had always declared those things purely to protect himself.

"I'll go get him." I said then turned for the house to call Edward.

Edward's face lit up when he knew his uncle was outside. He absolutely adored Caius.

"Caius!" Edward grinned as he stepped outside.

Caius smiled, holding his free hand out to meet Edward as he crushed himself into his side.

"Its _uncle _Caius." He corrected with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah." Edward said dismissively, his attention turning toward the gift. "Is that for me?"

I left them to it after that, turning back toward the house to finish tidying up. When Edward strolled back inside about fifteen minutes later, cradling the large box in his arms, he looked visibly happier.

The boys had never really questioned why their uncle never came inside. I guess they were just so used to the idea that they never thought to question it.

I set up the sitting room with blankets and pillows and sleeping bags, making it as comfortable as possible for the kids to sleep. They popped in a movie and settled into comfortable positions on the floor and couch as I left them to it and headed upstairs for bed.

I wasn't sure for how long things were going to stay as they were. Eventually, Emmett and Edward would start asking questions. The meager relationship between Caius and I would inevitably change, for what reason I wasn't sure. But one thing I was sure about was that I wasn't naïve to think that things would always remain the same. Exactly how major that change was though, none of us knew.

_Present_

My gaze followed my finger as it lazily traced patterns over the delicate skin of her back. Her back was so smooth and soft like silk. I never tired of touching her skin, she was beautiful.

I wasn't sure whether she was awake or asleep and I didn't care. I'd just used her body to express to her just how much I loved her and how beautiful I thought she truly was. Carmen was the one thing in my life that I never had to really work hard for. From the moment I had met her, we fell into easy conversation, never having to scour for topics to fill uncomfortable silences. We kind of just happened and that had never been a case for me in my life. She was there for me when Esme passed, a huge support when I needed it most, aiming to lift me out of that deep dark hole that had become my life.

I loved her and one day hoped she'd become my wife. If she stuck around, that is. But that wouldn't be for a while now. Not until my life has settled and I can focus on myself for once.

Sometimes I wonder whether a person could love two people the same in their life. Could they both be regarded as true loves? Or just the one? Had Esme been my true love? Or was it Carmen? Carmen arose emotions in me I never thought I had the capability of feeling. Was my love for Esme no more than young love? Driven purely by my raging teenage hormones? No, I refused to limit my love to Esme as just that, it was so much more. But maybe my love for Esme had the potential to grow and flourish into so much more than it was but circumstances had come to hinder that possibility.

Till this day I still don't know the extent of what her emotions had been toward Caius. I believed that deep down somewhere, she had loved him. She just never let it out. She'd bottled it up in fear of what she might truly feel, in fear of destroying the family she already had. There were instances in the past where I questioned her feelings for him. Where I caught glimpses of something stronger than a mere friendship between the two of them. Had they been destined for one another and I'd stood in the middle of that? Did it all narrow down to who had met her first and established the relationship first?

There were still a lot of unanswered questions regarding my past with Esme. Questions only she held the answers for and I've come to terms with that in dire need to move on the best I can from everything. I needed to live my life.

The day she passed away was one of the most painful days of my life, no doubt. Everything from our past had been over looked, the betrayal, the lies, and the infidelity. It all disappeared into nothing the day she was taken away from me, because at the end of the day, she was the mother of my kids and my best friend and always and forever will be in my heart.

* * *

**Hmm... what did you think?**

**I wish you all a Merry Christmas/happy holidays and a fantastic new years. See you soon! Next update should be out much quicker than this one was *fingers crossed* **

**Oh and just have to say if you're not already reading The Art Teacher by Spanglemaker then go do it now! Amazing story from an amazing writer. You'll find it in my favourites. **


	32. Who Am I

**A/N - Huge thanks to my Beta, luv4jake who's all kinds of awesome.**

**Debbliss and Stormyinco, big hugs to you both :-)**

Stephanie Meyer ows Twilight not me... sadly

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**EPOV**

I watched as the muscles in her thighs flexed with her movements. She leaned forward, one foot in front of the other with her knees bent slightly, aiming to catch a certain angle or some shit like that. She froze in that position, the distinctive _click_ and sound of the flash of her camera echoing loudly in the silent surroundings.

She straightened back up and spent a few moments going through the last few shots on the small screen. Her dark hair billowed in the cool breeze, sending it whipping around her face. She flicked her head a little, trying to whip away the hair sticking to her face so she could focus on her photos but all was to no avail. Her bottom lip jutted out the tiniest bit and I found myself smiling at the scene. She was so fucking stunning and she didn't even know it.

Her eyes darted up from her camera to scan the area around her, completely washing over me like I wasn't even fucking there. Her head tilted and her eyes narrowed and then she was moving toward a small bush of shrubs, nestled between two large looming trees. She examined them for a moment before raising the camera to her face and snapping a few more shots.

My own eyes could focus on nothing but her bare fucking legs.

Bare. Fucking. Legs.

Yeah, that's right.

My hand moved down to my crotch and I adjusted myself, not quite so discreetly, hoping to relieve the discomfort I was suddenly feeling. Now that my dick had gotten a taste of what was nestled between those fucking thighs, it just couldn't get enough.

I picked up my pack of cigarettes from beside me where I'd tossed it earlier and lit one up. I inhaled the nicotine, breathing it in and letting it do its work. I exhaled a cloud of smoke and took another hit right on its tail. It seemed my dick needed more than a few hits of nicotine to settle.

I groaned when she turned her back to me and bent over a little, snapping a few more shots of whatever the fuck it was she found so fascinating. Although I had to admit, she was good at what she did. From the photos I had seen in her room, she had a talent for this shit that I could never conquer. I guess it was a lot like music, you either had it or you didn't and Bella fucking had it when it came to photography. She saw shit that I just couldn't decipher. To me, she was taking shots of nothing but fucking leaves and bits of bush. But to her they represented something more, and what that something was I would never know. All I knew was that when I would get to take a look at the finished product, I'd finally see it through her eyes. Or close enough.

It had been my idea this morning to suggest she take the Canon camera that I'd gotten her for Christmas and head out here to the meadow so she could take some shots. She was skeptical at first, unsure of whether she could revive that part of herself but I assured her that the only way to find out was to fucking try. Apparently I'd become somewhat good at giving advice lately.

So she packed a small basket of sandwiches and snacks for us to take and off we went. It'd been months since we'd been to the meadow and I'd almost forgotten just how damn beautiful the place was.

So as I sat here, trying to mind my own business, Bella was trying to reacquaint herself with her talent and I couldn't help but admire her physically.

It was the first week of February now and things were going well. Bella and I have seemed to have settled ourselves into a comfortable stage in our relationship. There was no more shit to hide and well, I guess we understood each other. She knows my temper, what gets me agitated and she works around that and at the same time, I try to take control of it when I can.

Sex.

It's weird to think at times that Bella and I had gone about three months without it. We may have worked out ways around it, fooling around and foreplay and all that shit but nothing never really comes close to actual intercourse. Its amazing how close to her I feel when we make love. It's emotionally gratifying as well as physically, something I never understood until now.

I took one last pull from my cigarette before stubbing it into the grass beside me. I glanced up to make sure Bella hadn't noticed or else she'd have my head done in about it, but thankfully she was still too absorbed with her camera.

Trying to fight off my boredom, I pulled out my phone and fiddled with it a little, playing a game of Sudoku that I'd downloaded but I couldn't get focused on it enough. Sighing, I shoved it back into the inside pocket of my jacket.

"I think I have enough." Bella said as she clicked through the photos on the camera screen.

"How many did you take?" I asked.

"Sixty."

"Fuck."

"Really, it's not that much." She said as settled down beside me, her eyes still glued to the screen.

"Show me."

She placed the camera on her knee closest to me so that I could see and began to flick through her photos. Some of them, you could tell, were practice shots, blurry, bad lighting or a bad angle, whilst some other ones looked pretty fucking good.

One in particular caught my eye. It was a close up of two ladybugs on a red current leaf.

"Are they fucking?" I asked, leaning closer. One ladybug was latched onto the other one from behind.

"Trust you to notice that." She mumbled.

"Bella, you're telling me you didn't notice the two ladybugs were fucking each other?" I turned my gaze toward her and raised an eyebrow in question.

"I did but that wasn't what I was focusing on." She replied with a huff. "Look at the colors. They're so stark, the green against the red with the speckled black. The reflection of the sun off one its shells..."

"Hmm." I said, seeing her point as I kept studying it. "But you have to admit, the fact they're fucking is funny." I snickered. Apparently not amused, Bella rolled her eyes and kept flicking through the rest of the photos. I realized all I'd done was make fun of the pictures rather than focus on her work.

"You did a great job." I said after looking at the next five shots. "You were so absorbed in it. I understand the feeling, you must have loved it."

"I did. It feels so… satisfying. I don't know how to explain it… capturing beauty through the lens. Capturing one single moment that will last a life time."

I looked over at her and couldn't help but smile at the look on her face. She turned to see what I was looking at.

"What?" she asked, smiling self consciously.

Without a word, I grabbed the camera out of her hands, switched it off and placed it beside me. Then I pulled Bella into my lap so that she was straddling me.

"Can I capture you?" I asked sounding like a corny fuck.

"Edward." She giggled shaking her head.

"Can I?"

Fighting back another giggle she finally said, "You already have."

I hummed in approval, grinning at her before threading my fingers through the hair at the back of her head and pulling her down to me so that her lips touched mine.

xx—xx

"Don't fall asleep on me." I smiled as I gazed at her. She shook her head that rested against the floor but kept her eyes closed.

"I won't." She mumbled with a hint of a smile.

It was Valentine's Day, well more like night and after we both agreed that dinner at some fancy as shit restaurant just wasn't us, I took her to the beach where we went on our first official date for a picnic. We didn't last there long though.

Bella whined she wanted to come back _home, _which to my satisfaction meant the comfort of my room. Nothing felt better than hearing your girl claim your room as home.

So we packed up our shit and headed back over here when I suggested some drinking would be good. It'd been a while since the two of us had just chilled with some drinks. Renee and Phil were out of town for the night so there was no concern on taking Bella home.

With that in mind, I organized a bath for the both of us. Carlisle was at work and Emmett was out with Rosalie so we had the whole house to ourselves. I managed to find some tea light candles and littered every surface of the bathroom with them. It was cheesy as fuck but hey, the atmosphere in there was perfect and I'd do anything for my girl.

We settled into the tub together and honestly, all we did was talk. It was great. There were no interruptions, no rush to leave and with her tender skin against mine, I couldn't have asked for any better way to spend the night with her. We drank some vodka and cokes as we relaxed and then there was some pretty heavy making out that went on too.

Now, I wasn't big on the whole Valentine shit. Actually, I'd never celebrated the day in my life so I'd had to get some pointers from the romantic king, Jasper. Nothing was a challenge for that guy so he gave me a few ideas on how I could pamper Bella without having to spend a fortune on her. I didn't fucking care about the money but I wasn't prepared to relive Christmas eve all over again just yet.

While she was still asleep the morning of Valentine's I snuck into her room through her window and littered her floor and bed spread with red silk rose petals. I wasn't only trying to be quiet as fuck as I worked but I was trying to fight back my irritation at her lack of responsibility. She always seemed to sleep with the bedroom window open. Even though that helped my plan, it was dangerous and she knew it.

I had purchased her a massive teddy bear the day before and placed him on her desk chair. He was almost her size and honey brown in color. I had to admit he was cute as fuck and I knew she wouldn't be able to resist him.

I snuck back out of her room once my job was done and it wasn't even an hour later that I'd gotten a call from her. Let's just say my brownie points sky rocketed with my gesture. Apparently the only thing that was missing was me. Yeah, my girl could be real corny sometimes, but I loved her for it.

So I here I sat, in the quiet of my bedroom with my girl, after a relaxing bath and I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

Her eyes slid open and she sat up, reaching for her glass of vodka and coke. I could tell from her movements that she was pretty wasted already. She'd had two of those fuckers and I admit to making them a little stronger than she normally liked.

She hummed as she took a swallow then attempted to put her glass back down on the floor beside her, almost spilling it in the process.

"Whoops!" She laughed, finding the accident very amusing. I smirked at her, enjoying the show before me. Bella knew how to have fun but she could also be a little uptight about it at times. She was too damn responsible sometimes. I was glad a bit of alcohol brought out this side in her.

I watched from where I sat across from her, my own glass in my hands. I wasn't drunk. I was also on my second glass but because I consumed alcohol so often, it took a lot of it to take any sort of affect on me. I was just relaxed. I could feel my limbs were heavy and I felt good, but my mind was still focused.

She sat down and crossed her legs Indian style in front of me, giving me a fabulous view of her pink panties. My shirt was gathered around her waist with her position but she seemed completely oblivious to it. My eyes kept darting between her legs, I couldn't fucking help it. Her pussy owned me.

After our bath, she'd forgone her bra and just asked for a shirt of mine to wear as she didn't want to put her dress back on. So she was sitting right now in front of me, in nothing but my shirt and some cute boy short panties. As much as I liked her thongs, I had to say, the boy shorts looked just as fucking sexy on her.

"Feeling ok, there?" I asked, raising an amused eyebrow at the huge grin plastered onto her face.

She nodded quickly, "Yes, I feel good. How bout you?"

"I feel great."

She smiled at me then stood up, stumbling a little as she made her way over to the window. She peered out and sighed happily.

"The stars are beautiful." She murmured.

I lit up a cigarette and inhaled, relaxing into my position on the floor as Bella aimlessly wandered my room.

"You know what would be great?" She exclaimed suddenly spinning around to face me with eyes bright.

"What?" I asked skeptically.

"If I took shots of you!"

"Come again?"

"Pictures. Would you let me take pictures of you? I don't usually take pictures of people, they're not what I'm good at but you have to start somewhere, right? And who better to start with than you? You've got the looks for it. You could do some poses and I'd take the photos and then we could develop them and sell them! You'd be a star model." She said almost without taking a breath. I opened my mouth to protest but she kept going. "Hang on, no, that wouldn't work. Could you imagine all the girls trying to get into your pants? It's bad enough as it is now without all the fame. Ugh, Lauren Mallory," she continued, appearing to be lost in her own little world. "Don't know what you saw in her. She's as trashy as they come. She's a walking STD, that's what she is. But then again, guys don't give a crap do they? Their only concern is getting their poles wet."

I couldn't help it and burst out laughing. She stopped and looked at me quizzically. The expression on her face only made laugh harder.

"What's so funny?" She asked after a while, fighting back her own smile.

"Just you." I replied, finally calming down. "It's nice to get your honest thoughts on the situation."

"Let's play a game." She suggested, clapping her hands with excitement.

"What game?"

"I don't know, think of one."

"Errr…" I stumbled, not familiar with any games. "Like a video game?"

"No, silly." She huffed. "A game, game. Like tag."

"Bella, we can't play tag."

"Why not?" She pouted.

"First, it's just us two and second, we're in my room."

"We can ask Emmett and Rose to play along. And we could use the whole house." She said, gesturing with her hands in a wide motion. It was funny because Emmett and Rose weren't even home and she knew it.

I chuckled at her enthusiasm, "Come sit down."

"You stand up."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

I narrowed my eyes in her direction, not sure if I liked drunken Bella as I much as I initially thought.

"Happy Valentines." She announced then, spinning on the spot. She stumbled and fell and I shot up and rushed over to her, worried she hurt herself.

"You ok?"

She started laughing, rolling onto her back as she clutched her stomach. I shook my head at her but couldn't help but chuckle along.

When she finally calmed down, she lay there for a moment or two. I sat beside her, hoping I could get her to crash out soon.

Then I felt her hand on my dick. My eyes snapped to hers and I found her smiling impishly.

"You have a beautiful cock." She said then with a serious expression.

"Good to know," I smirked. "But you've only ever seen mine."

"Not really." She admitted nonchalantly, her hand continuing to stroke me through the denim.

"What?" I asked, feeling my anger start to brew. "What do you mean, _not_ _really_?"

"Rose and Alice thought it was a good idea to show me some porn a while ago." I felt myself calm a little. The thought of my girl seeing another cock besides mine in person was too much to fathom.

"Why on earth would they do that?"

"Have you seen some of the stuff these people do?" She asked, ignoring my question. "Those girls can take anything."

"They're porn stars for a reason." I groaned then grabbed her hand and removed it. It was just torturing me.

"And get anal out of your head."

"Why?"

"That looked painful and wrong. And just because your two sluts agreed to it, doesn't mean I will. You'll have to settle for the old fashioned way with me."

"The old fashioned way is more than fine with me, Bella." And it was true. "But I'll convince you one day." I said, eyeing her reaction. Her eyes caught mine and she scowled.

"No chance."

"We'll see."

"We will."

We were silent for a while. She continued to lay there while I topped off my drink.

"Going back to cocks…" she began and I almost choked on my drink at the sudden return in topic. "Like I was saying, yours is good. Much better than the monster cocks I saw on there."

"Bella." I said, "Could we change topics, please?" I asked with a sigh.

"Sure. We could talk about the anatomy of the girls because…"

I groaned, raking my fingers through my hair irritably. "Stop."

"Party pooper." She frowned, sitting back up. She crawled into my lap, her fingers threading through my hair. "Your hair is beautiful too." She murmured, her words becoming a little slurred.

"So is yours."

"Can I bite you?" she asked.

"What the fuck, Bella?"

She leaned forward but my hands grabbed her by the wrists and I pulled her hands out of my hair, pushing her back and away.

"Just a little nick." She promised, struggling against my grip.

"Nope."

"Please."

"Fat chance."

"Then bite me." she demanded, tilting her head to the side to expose her neck clearly. I blinked at her, wondering who on earth this Bella was.

"Why would I want to bite you?"

"I don't know, just do it."

"I've bitten you before."

"You call that a bite?" she slurred with a roll of her eyes.

My eyes narrowed and I tugged her forward by her wrists and sunk my teeth into her neck. She cried out then moaned, wriggling in my lap. I released my teeth then gave the bite mark a slow sensual lick, savoring the taste of her skin. I closed my eyes briefly then pulled back and met her eyes.

"Oh fuck." She mumbled. I smirked at her, proud of the reaction I got. "Do it again."

"I'm not a fucking vampire, Bella."

"Maybe you should be."

"Do you know what?" I asked, starting to see that maybe she needed to just crash out soon. "How bout we climb into bed." I helped her out of my lap and stood up.

She got up with me, looking displeased with my suggestion. She reached out for her glass but I grabbed it out of her reach before she could get to it.

"Hey!" she complained.

"I think you've had enough for one night."

"That's my decision not yours."

"You're incoherent."

"Give it to me."

"Bella." I said sternly.

"Fine." She slurred, glaring at me and crossing her arms over her chest.

I placed her drink on my desk then pulled her onto the bed with me. I sat up against the head board then raised an eyebrow as Bella crawled over to me and straddled my lap. So much for sleeping.

"Mmm…" she hummed as she grazed her nose along my jaw and neck. I could feel my dick begin to stir in my pants and I was really hoping she wouldn't push me.

"Bella." I warned, my voice sounding strained. She ignored me, darting her tongue out to lick along my neck, her hands roaming over my chest on top of my shirt.

"Take your shirt off." She whispered, grabbing onto the hem and trying to pull it up. I leaned forward with a sigh and ripped my shirt off and tossed it to the ground.

"Perfect." She murmured as her eyes followed the exploration of her hands along my chest. "Your time at the gym has really shown."

She wriggled against my cock which was now hard as a rock. I threw my head back and bit back a groan as she began to move her hips in a gyrate against me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, grasping her hips and trying to still her movements.

"Shhh…" she kissed my lips softly then pulled my shirt off her body, leaving her in nothing but her black cotton panties.

"Bella…" I warned again. My restraint was hanging by a string and I knew it wasn't going to take much longer before I caved.

She licked my lips then pulled back enough to look into my eyes. Then locking her half mast eyes with mine, she leaned forward again and kissed me, forcing her tongue between my lips. She kissed me deeply, her fingers fisting into my hair to tug me closer. I groaned and pushed her hips into me, my restraint crumbling.

"Make love to me." she whispered against my lips. "I need you."

I attacked her neck, my lips and tongue working on her most sensitive spot beneath her ear. She moaned lightly then leaned back to stare into my eyes.

My eyes raked over her chest and I still found it hard to believe at times just how strongly I felt about this girl. I loved her so God damn much that it freaked the fuck out of me.

I palmed her breast, her back arching into me for more as she bit her bottom lip. She was beautiful, a fucking goddess and I believed that I'd never get enough of her.

Her fingers began to fumble with the zipper and buttons of my jeans, her breathing serrated and heavy in the silence. Once she managed she get them undone, we maneuvered around a little so I could slide them down my legs along with my boxers.

She ripped her panties off then crawled back into my lap, her heat hovering over my cock that was now at full attention.

I raked my fingers through her hair and pulled her face back to mine, capturing her mouth in a searing kiss. Her small warm hand encircled my cock and I involuntarily bucked up my hips. She stroked me as I kissed her, my lips and tongue working frantically against hers. I always felt like I never got enough. That I never could tire of her, I just needed more because I was never satiated.

I groaned when I felt the heat and wetness of her pussy as she lined me up to her opening. Her lips slipped from mine, my eyes locking with hers. She gazed at me, asking me wordlessly to tell her when. I could read every emotion on her face and despite the fact that she may have been intoxicated, the love and desire reflected back at me was indisputable.

"Do it." I breathed. My eyes slid shut as she sunk down onto me at a tortuously slow pace. She was hot and tight and I needed a moment to adjust to the pleasure.

It wasn't long before she started moving on me, her hands gripping my shoulders for leverage. I helped guide her by her hips as I switched between kissing her and gazing at her face, loving the look of pleasure that was etched into her features.

Her head flew back and I used that opportunity to drag my lips over the flesh of her neck and the curve of her breasts, my tongue darting out to give a few wet licks. She moaned as my hand trailed up her back, to the back of her neck and beneath her hair where I tilted her head forward again so that my lips could crash back to hers.

The kiss turned heavy as our pleasure sky rocketed. She started riding me harder and faster and that only made me kiss her harder.

"Oh…" she whimpered against my mouth, her head falling to my shoulder as she started to move her hips in a circular motion on me. "God, this feels so good."

My head flew back against the head board and my fingers dug into the flesh of her hips, helping her bounce on me.

"Oh my fuck… you feel incredible." I groaned. "Are you close, baby?"

"Yes, I'm close… Just keep going." She panted, crushing me closer to her.

My hands trailed down to her backside where I grasped her and helped guide her along even faster. I could feel and hear her getting close, her movements turning frantic, her breaths erratic. I knew how to read her so well now. I knew her body like I knew my own.

"Fuck…"I breathed, "Come for me, baby. I want to feel you tighten around my cock."

She whimpered and then it happened. Her body went rigid before she started convulsing on me and cried out my name. I was right behind her, burying myself deep inside of her, my cock pulsing with my orgasm.

We both fell limp against one another, our chests heaving and drenched in perspiration. It was probably the most intense sex we'd experienced so far and I wasn't sure what to blame it on.

She placed a soft kiss on my shoulder, then murmured an, "I love you, Edward," into my ear. I turned my face and kissed her cheek tenderly.

"I love you, baby girl."

She pulled back and smiled sweetly at me, her eyes looking even droopier now. She was exhausted and I couldn't blame her. She slipped off of me and I hissed at the loss of heat.

She pulled the covers up and buried herself beneath them, holding up my side as I wriggled underneath them with her. I pulled her against me, already missing the warmth of her body.

"That was a perfect valentines." She murmured lazily. "Thank you, Edward.

"It was." I agreed. "Anything for you, Bella. Goodnight."

"Night, Edward." She barely uttered before her breathing turned steady.

xx—xx

It was the day after Valentines and I was going through my history assignment in a desperate attempt to pass the time. Bella was doing her shift at Newton's, Jasper was out with his father doing some sort of family shit and Emmett was out with Marcus. That left me alone and bored as fuck and after spending a few hours on my music, I relented and worked on my assignment.

I couldn't help but smile whenever I'd remember the look of pain on Bella's face when she woke up this morning. She'd woken up with a hangover, burying her face deeper into the pillows with a groan, refusing to face the day. I wasn't happy that she was in pain, it was just funny to see her experience her first real hang over. Then when I couldn't take it anymore, I'd gotten up and made her a large cup of coffee along with two aspirin tablets. She took them willingly, desperately needing to ease the hammering in her head.

We had fallen into a comfortable routine as of late. Most nights we'd spend time in my room, just the two of us, watching TV or listening to music. It'd become so routine that I almost couldn't remember what I used to do with myself before she came along. My life must have been dreary as fuck.

A knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts. I ran a hand through my hair in irritation and mumbled a 'come in'.

I heard the door click open but ignored whoever it was as I read through the words on the page before me.

"Am I disrupting?" At the sound of Carlisle's voice my head snapped around toward the door. I couldn't remember the last time he'd come knocking on my door.

"You are." I replied dryly turning back toward my papers.

"I need to see you in my office, if you don't mind."

"What have I done now?" I asked irritably.

"Edward." He sighed. "I'm not going to ask you again. My office, five minutes." And with that, he shut the door behind him.

I returned my attention to my papers but realized that he'd fucked up my focus. His need to see me was playing in my head and all I could think of was what he would need to talk to me about. I tossed my papers down petulantly and pushed my hair back off my face. With a sigh, I raised myself from my seat and went to go see Carlisle.

Without bothering to knock, I stepped into his office and my eyes fell upon him with concern. He was sitting at his desk, reading through some papers. At the sound of my entrance, he cast his eyes up at me for the briefest of moments. He shuffled the papers aside and gestured for me to take a seat.

I moved to the black leather chair in front of his desk and collapsed into it with a sigh. I wasn't sure what it was that he wanted with me but if I was to go by past experiences then it wouldn't be anything good. I tried to think back to what I may have fucked up over the past few weeks but nothing came to mind. At least nothing that I was fucking aware of.

"What's up?" I asked, pushing my hair back off my forehead. It was getting too long and I was in need of a hair cut but Bella had warned me not to do it, so for her sake I left it.

I picked at the worn leather on the arm of the chair as I waited. I always got fidgety in such circumstances and now wasn't any different. He had the habit of dragging the moment out, a sure way to get me irritated because he knew I hated waiting. Especially when it most likely involved something I fucking did.

He sighed quietly; a sigh that sounded like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. His posture certainly reflected it. He looked tense, his eyes rimmed with dark circles and his hair wasn't as perfectly styled as it usually was. It appeared that this was something serious and that only added to my anxiety.

The sound of the door behind me opening wrenched my gaze away from Carlisle. I craned my head around to see my uncle Caius stepping into the room. My eyebrows shot up first in surprise then furrowed in confusion, wondering what the fuck he was doing in here. He appeared just as tense as Carlisle, which was a rare sight to witness on him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked in shock. He was the last person I would have expected to turn up here. He'd never made the trip down to Forks before.

He slowly made his way past me and around the desk so that he was standing beside Carlisle. He gave me a peculiar look that only confused the shit out of me even more but said nothing in response to my question. It looked like he was looking at me for the first time. Something was up and what that something was, I had no fucking clue.

What concerned me most was the fact that they were in the same room, standing in close proximity. I don't think I had ever witnessed that before. They usually worked like two magnets flipped to the same side, where they kept a certain distance away from each other without any real effort. One moved closer, the other would take a step back and so forth. It's how they've always functioned, all I've ever known and it had always baffled me as to why it was. I knew they weren't close. Obviously, there was an issue from the past or some shit that kept them voluntarily distant. It wasn't something I ever understood but nothing I thought about either. I couldn't imagine myself treating Emmett the same or vice versa. Emmett would have to have done something really fucked up for me to practically disown him as a brother.

Carlisle and Caius have always been like ice and fire, two completely different souls that if it wasn't for their similar appearances, you wouldn't believe they came from the same parents. I always narrowed that down to the reason why they never mingled. But I was slowly coming to the conclusion that maybe I had been naïve all this time and there was a more serious underlying issue.

"Did someone die or some shit?" I asked, chuckling dryly and uncomfortably, my eyes snapping between the two of them in question. I was desperate for an explanation. Both their gazes landed on me and in that moment, I'd never seen them look anymore alike.

Ignoring me, Carlisle spoke. "Caius and I have been talking over the past couple of weeks and we've come to a united conclusion on an issue that affects us all." I raised an eyebrow in question, my head beginning to swim with possibilities. "I need your attention Edward." He said then with a firm tone that left no room for arguing and for the first time since I could remember, I actually kept my mouth shut.

I dragged an anxious hand through my hair, looking down at the ground for a moment. I wasn't impressed with how things were going so far, and I was starting to get worried. Nothing good could ever come out of "an issue that affects us all."

"Don't start panicking…" Carlisle said, obviously noticing the expression on my face. "There are some things that I need to explain to you. Things that will inevitably change your perception of the past and-"

"Wait…" I said, holding up my palm and shaking my head in hopes of sorting through my jumbled thoughts. "This sounds fucking serious and I'd really wish you'd just come out and spit it the fuck out. Don't beat around the bush with me. Just don't. Get to the fucking point. I can handle it." I said hearing the irritation in my voice.

They exchanged a look which made me groan in frustration.

"Edward, I suggest you listen to your father." Caius said, glancing down at the floor briefly and clearing his throat uncomfortably. "It is in your best interest."

I rammed both hands through my hair and tossed back my head. I ground my teeth together, trying to fight back my exasperation and anxiety and just desperate to find out what was going on.

"I need to say something before I start…" Carlisle said in a tone that made my eyes snap open and lock with his. "Whatever I'm about to say now, just remember Edward… I'm here, and I love you and it will change nothing between us."

My eyes widened in shock and befuddlement. I looked over at Caius who was staring at me with an intensity that made feel uncomfortable for the first time in his presence.

"Doesn't this affect Emmett, too?" I asked. "Surely, if it fucking affects me so much then it would Emmett as well?"

"No… well, yes, but in a different way." Carlisle explained.

"Can you sit down?" I asked Caius. "You're making me uncomfortable with your stance. It feels like you're getting ready to bolt. Sit the fuck down." I said, leaning back in my chair and trying to take a few deep breaths.

"Edward..."Carlisle warned.

"It's quite alright Carlisle." Caius said then, his voice unfazed. He moved around the desk to grab the chair beside mine and dragged it back over to where he had been standing. I guess so that I didn't have to keep moving my head to see them both.

He may have settled into his seat but he still looked tense as fuck.

"Well…" I pushed, waving my hand in invitation for them to start.

"Five years ago, your mother expressed-"

"Fuck..." I interrupted in disbelief. "This is about mom?"

"Yes, Edward." Carlisle answered calmly.

"I don't want to hear it then. She's gone. Just leave it. Whatever the fuck it was that she did or said was in the past. Even after her fucking death you're still trying to fuck with-"

"Enough!" Caius snapped. My eyes flew to his in shock. His eyes were blazing, slicing into mine and for the first time in my life, I actually feared him. He'd never raised his voice at me. Never showed any kind of hatred or discontent toward me in the past. This was so foreign.

"Caius." Carlisle murmured, grabbing him by the forearm as if trying to hold him back from pouncing at me.

He deflected his eyes away from me, then shook his arm out of Carlisle's grasp. He closed his eyes a moment and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he appeared a lot calmer. His mask was back.

"Just hear us out Edward. This is important." Carlisle pleaded. I took a calming breath before nodding for him to continue.

"Your perception on my marriage to your mother has always been misconstrued." Carlisle began slowly. "From your perspective it would have appeared to you that I treated her unfairly."

"That's right." I couldn't help but mumble, feeling my chest tighten at the mention of my mother.

Carlisle continued, ignoring me. "The truth is, we had marital problems starting from before you were even born. There were issues that we couldn't discuss with you and Emmett. An… incident happened in the first few years of our marriage that changed everything between us. My trust level diminished and I found it was something I couldn't let go. But I certainly tried. It took a while but for the sake of my two sons I had to."

"You're making it sound like mom fucked up." I observed in disbelief. "Like she is to blame..."

"Your mother made a mistake." Carlisle answered quietly, eyeing me closely.

"I don't believe it." I said shaking my head. "Mom wouldn't do that. Whatever she did would have been insignificant. She wouldn't destroy her marriage-"

"People make mistakes." Caius interrupted. "You out of all people know that."

I was about to tell him that whatever my mother did had nothing to do with him and that he should keep his fucking mouth shut but Carlisle continued talking.

"It was during an argument we were having one evening, about five years ago, that an issue came up in regards to the past incident." Carlisle explained. "It had always been nagging at the back of my mind but I'd always been too terrified to voice it. I admit I was in denial. I stupidly believed that if I could just sweep it into the back recesses of my brain then it would simply go away. That didn't happen."

I was feeling bombarded with all this information suddenly and between his words and tone of voice, I knew what was coming wasn't going to be pretty. I scooted to the edge of my seat, my anxiousness getting the better of me, as I fought back the urge to tell him to hurry the fuck up and get to the point.

"My speculation came out during an argument. My anger was threatening to take control of me and I voiced it. Apparently Esme had the same fear and like me, had been too terrified to bring it to light. The possibility that it could be true changed everything between us. I could attempt to forget one night, but a lifetime…" he said shaking his head sadly, "I couldn't. Our marriage went downhill from there."

"What happened?" I asked. "What was it that you both feared?" I felt a cold shiver travel down my spine at the possibilities. Both their faces looked hesitant.

"Your paternity." Carlisle answered after a few moments, locking my gaze.

I felt my heart plummet. "What?" I breathed in disbelief. "What the fuck do you mean my paternity?" I could feel my anger slowly taking over my shock. I swallowed thickly, desperately waiting for further explanation.

When Carlisle held my gaze, a deep pain swimming in their blue depths, pleading for me to figure it out myself, it hit me like a block of ice water. I felt the air leave my lungs and I leaned back in my chair, my fingers threading through my hair and tugging at the roots. I growled in frustration and dropped my head forward, my body becoming overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions. I wasn't sure what I was feeling. There were too many conflicting emotions.

"You're not-not my father?" I stammered in a barely audible whisper. I was too scared to meet his gaze, afraid of the confirmation I would get. "You know this for sure? It's been tested?" I asked, looking up but staring at his desk rather than his eyes.

"Yes, Edward." He answered quietly. "We did a DNA test weeks after we came to the possibility."

"Wait." I said, finally raising my gaze to meet his eyes. I took a moment to ask my question, the sudden realization that the man in front of me, who had nurtured and raised me for the past seventeen years of my life wasn't in fact my father. "Who is?" I asked hesitantly. I wanted to know who the fucker was. "Do you know? Do I-do I know him?"

Carlisle's eyes flashed briefly toward Caius, it was quick but I didn't miss it. I turned my attention to Caius, who sat there looking at me with that same intense expression.

"You're fucking kidding me…" I breathed in shock, staring at Caius. "Fuck." I growled, shooting up from my chair and gripping the ends of my hair. I bent forward, hoping to relieve the twists and turns that were going on in my stomach but all to no use. "It's you?" I asked meeting his gaze again.

"Yes." He replied softly, nodding slightly.

As I continued to stare at him, I couldn't deny it myself. It all suddenly made sense. I'd always had this weird connection to him. I understood his attitude toward life because it so much reflected my own. His love for tattoos and bikes. His inability to maintain relationships. His fear of marriage and kids. Smoking, alcohol. The black sheep of the family just like I am. All this became too much for me to fathom. The similarities were undeniable. I'd always thought that I was strangely like my uncle in so many ways but it wasn't anything I ever considered to be more. A lot of kids came out like their uncles or aunts, it was common.

I thought back to my mother. The gentlest, kindest person I had ever known. She had been my life. I adored her with everything I had in me. To me she was perfect in every way. She never fucked up. She followed rules and regulations. Never tossed trash on the road, always said thank you and please. She was never one to step out of line and most importantly always put others before her. This wasn't something that could be true. She would not have voluntarily fucked up her marriage with Carlisle for sex… with his brother out of all people. That was below the fucking belt.

My eyes flashed to Caius' and before I could think about what I was doing, I was on him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and wrenching him up and out of his seat violently so that I was in his face.

"You fucked my mother." I seethed. "You piece of shit, you fucked her!" I was grabbed from behind and yanked backwards making me stagger on my feet but I was held upright. I pulled myself away from Carlisle roughly and turned back to Caius. I wasn't done yet.

"I can't believe you." I said furiously. "Did you force yourself on her?" I pushed, feeling my hands shaking by my sides with my anger. "Was she just another _fuck_ to you? Nothing more than a wet pussy to-"

I saw the anger flash through his eyes and before I could finish my sentence he jumped me, grabbing me by the front of my shirt and slamming my back into the wall beside us. The air left my lungs in a heap and I groaned out in pain, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to redirect my focus.

"Don't you ever!" he yelled in my face but I was in too much pain to respond. I felt his fingers grip me beneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. I opened my eyes sluggishly. "Don't you ever speak that way to me again!"

"Fuck you." I spat.

He withdrew his fist and I braced myself for the blow but it never came. Carlisle had him from behind and yanked him away from me.

"That's enough!" Carlisle snapped angrily, fury in his eyes. I hunched over and started coughing in need to get some air into my lungs. I rubbed a hand across my chin and neck where his fingers had gripped me roughly. I could still feel them there and it hurt like a mother fucker.

He turned to Caius with flaming eyes. "He may have been out of line but don't you ever think about raising a hand on him like that ever again."

I managed to stand upright again, and tears burned my eyes but I blinked them back. This couldn't be real. I had to be dreaming. My father wasn't Caius. My mother couldn't have disrespected Carlisle and slept with his brother. They were one fucked up family if it were true and I couldn't believe I was a part of it.

"Why in the fuck am I just finding out now?" I managed to ask after a brief silence. "Why would you lie to me? This is something I should have known as soon as you found out."

Carlisle hesitated, his usual calm demeanor shattered. "Your mother wished to keep it silent." He answered. "She believed the truth would destroy you. But then after she passed away I came to the realization that we couldn't continue this way. You deserved to find out but you were so broken, Edward. You had enough on your plate as it was and I needed you to be stable in order to handle something like this rationally."

"That's fucked up." I muttered. "There is no excuse."

"It was for your benefit."

"Don't give me that fucking bullshit." I snapped stepping toward him. "You were too much of a pussy to come out and tell me in fear that I'd despise you even more than I already do."

"I will not stand here and be disrespected by you." Carlisle said sternly. "I understand this is hard for you and believe me I do but that doesn't give you any right to disregard any respect toward me."

I scratched a hand through my hair, my fist itching to connect with something repeatedly. It was taking everything in me to remain calm. My eyes found Caius who was standing off to the side, both his hands buried deep into the pockets of his black pleated pants. Any respect or love I had felt for him before was gone. I could barely look at him now.

"Have you always known?" I asked him accusingly. "Every time you spoke to me, did you know you were looking into the eyes of your son?"

"I only found out a few weeks ago." He replied calmly but I knew he was feeling anything but.

"Well good for you… _dad_." I sneered. "It saved you seventeen years of child support. Why waste the money on me when you could be spending it on one of your whores."

"Edward!" Carlisle snapped, moving to stand in front of me.

"Maybe I should leave and give him a moment to calm down." Caius suggested with his eyes firmly fixed on me.

"What's wrong?" I asked ignoring them both and circling Carlisle so that I was standing back in front of Caius. "Are you going to run away?" I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder, a futile attempt to tame me but I shrugged it off forcefully. "Thinking of escaping the responsibility of raising a child you never wanted and wish you never had?"

His eyes narrowed at me but this time I stood up to him, I was going to take whatever he would give me. It would give me the perfect reason to punch him because there was nothing more that I wanted to do in that moment.

"This is hard for all of us Edward." Carlisle said moving to stand beside me. "Just keep that in mind."

"You know what?" I asked chuckling darkly. "I've had enough. This is fucked up beyond my imagination. I need a fucking cigarette."

"We're not done here." Carlisle said.

I began moving toward the door. "As far as I'm concerned, I have no father and there's nothing left to discuss." With those parting words, I thrust the office door open and slammed it shut behind me.

I went straight to my room and locked the door behind me in a desperate need to be alone. My hands were shaking and in all honesty I wasn't sure what to do with myself. My anxiety was rolling through me in waves and I needed something to help ease the storm that was slowly brewing inside of me. My thoughts were jumbled and my head was throbbing. Not to mention my heart. Everything I've ever known had come crashing down. Even my own mother. My own fucking mother who was the absolute world to me, had fucking betrayed me.

I plunged my fingers into my hair and grabbed at it, needing some sort of pain to override every other burning stab I was feeling.

I paced my room aimlessly, feeling completely out of sorts. Without consideration, I walked over to my bed side table and thrust the drawer open. Cigarettes were going to do fuck all for me right now. I yanked out the bottle of Stoli and felt like screaming when I saw that there was hardly any in there. I tossed the bottle to the floor and watched it thud and roll across the carpet. I violently kicked the drawer shut again in frustration, causing it to rattle loudly, every item resting on top toppling over. Without another thought, I walked straight for my stereo speakers.

My trembling hands were making the task of unscrewing the cover a challenge but I managed to finally get it done. I pulled out the brown packaging and ripped it open, exposing the small baggie of snow and another larger one of marijuana. I contemplated them both, and figured marijuana wasn't going to do jack shit for me right now.

I stared down at the snow and wondered if I could do it. I had promised Bella I wouldn't ever touch the shit again and I was serious when I made that promise. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought over my options. I couldn't do this sober. Not right now, not when the wound was still so fresh.

I didn't even know who I was anymore.

I was cutting three lines of coke on an old broken mirror before I could think about what I was doing. Tossing my credit card aside, I reached back into my wallet and pulled out a hundred dollar bill and rolled it up.

I hesitated.

I couldn't do it.

I cursed and shoved everything back inside the speakers, powder flying everywhere, creating a cloud of white. Numerous profanities left my mouth as I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe it off the best I could then ripped my shirt off and tossed it in the corner of my room. I snatched out another clean shirt, pulled it over my head and made my way to my door.

I needed to get out.

The house was quiet as I hurried down the hall, hoping to God that I wouldn't run into Carlisle or Caius. I darted down the stairs and for the front door, my eyes scanning my surroundings anxiously.

I couldn't explain the relief that washed over me when I slipped into my car. I peeled out of the driveway and gunned it down the street with a screech.

I stopped by a liquor store and bought myself a bottle of Grey Goose. Luckily I had some cash on me because I hadn't realized until I got to the register that I had left my credit card at home.

I started drinking as I drove which wasn't the smartest idea but I couldn't really give a fuck about anything in that moment.

I had no real particular destination in mind but as I continued to maneuver my Beemer through the streets of Forks, I realized I wasn't far from the meadow.

Without a second thought, I continued on straight toward it, needing the peace and isolation it provided. I parked my car and scrambled out, stumbling with my haste.

I knew my way clearly so it didn't take long for me to reach the clearing. With my bottle of liquid calm, I walked over to the tree that Bella and I always occupied and slumped myself against it on the thick grass.

I drank. And that's about all I could say I did for the next hour or so that passed. I didn't think. I couldn't. I was trying to wipe the past few hours out of my head, needing a release from the pain that I had endured.

With the alcohol coursing through my system and numbing my senses, I felt mildly better. I considered calling Bella or Jasper but truthfully I needed the time alone. I wasn't ready to be bombarded by questions so I stayed put.

The next couple of hours passed me by in a haze. I couldn't really tell you exactly what it was I did because I couldn't really remember. It was dead quiet in the meadow, with the occasional hum of crickets or flutter of the bushes. I was too trashed to even care.

I must have fallen asleep at one point because I when I pried my eyes open, the meadow was illuminated in a light pink glow. Sunrise. I groaned at the throbbing in my head, pressing my palm to my forehead as I curled down onto my side. I fell back asleep.

When I woke up again it was to the screeching of my phone. I mumbled numerous profanities at the blaring sound that made my head feel like it was about to explode.

I scrambled for it in my pockets and when I finally managed to pull it out, it had stopped ringing. I glanced at the screen, squinting my eyes to see whose name it was.

Emmett.

I checked the time next and saw it was seven. He must have woken up to find me not at home.

Did he know?

The twist that burned in my chest with that question was enough to leave me gasping. Emmett, my fucking brother and best friend wasn't so much my brother any more. I'd have to say that would be the hardest thing for me to digest amongst all the fucked up issues this has arisen.

As much as I teased him and as much as he irritated the fuck out of me at times, Emmett has put up with so much of my shit in the past that I knew, had it not been for him I probably wouldn't be where I was today. He was always looking out for me, always putting me ahead of himself.

My phone rang a couple more times after that. Twice from Carlisle and another time from Emmett. I switched my phone off. Maybe they'd get the message that way.

I thought back to my mother and what she'd done. How could she? What made her do it? Did she have feelings for Caius or was it a onetime thing? I had so many questions swirling inside of me that I didn't know where to start. All those years she raised Emmett and I, did it hurt her to know that we weren't really full blood brothers? We each came from different fathers and for her, it seemed like it wasn't such a big deal. I came to wonder whether I really knew my mother at all.

A few more hours passed with me sitting in the meadow. My thoughts were still a little sluggish but when I got the idea, I went with it.

I was back in my car and driving before I could think too much about it. I wasn't sure whether what I was doing was a good idea but I couldn't really think of anything else. I couldn't go back home just yet.

I stopped by a gas station and purchased myself a cup of coffee. It tasted like shit but I was hoping it'd help wake me up after the effects of the alcohol. Simply, I felt like shit.

The anxiety kicked in as I approached Seattle. My fingers were gripping the steering wheel painfully and I forced myself to keep going. I'd made it this far. I felt like I needed to do this.

I'd only been to the cemetery twice, both for the funerals of the two people that were closest to me. I never set foot in there again, it was too painful for me.

I drove into the cemetery grounds, parked and switched the engine off. Then I sat my car for a while trying to psyche myself up. I lit a cigarette and really thought about what I was doing. I wasn't just visiting. I was going to be bringing forth feelings and emotions in me that I'd been trying to bury down for the past three years. I growled in frustration and ran a hand through my hair. My eyes burned from lack of sleep and my head was throbbing. I felt close to crumbling.

Before I could think too much more about it, I pushed my door open and stepped out, tossing what was left of my cigarette to the floor. I leaned against the car and buried my face in hands and took a few deep calming breaths. My heart felt like it was trying to thunder out of my chest. It hurt, it felt heavy and I wished it would all go away.

I started walking slowly, weaving my way through the headstones I vaguely remember where my mother was located.

My steps faltered when my eyes fell upon it. It had some wilted flowers sitting in the silver vase beside it. My eyes darted to the inscription and my heart clenched just that little bit more at the site.

_Esme Platt Cullen_

_Loving mother and wife_

_March 16 1969 – August 9 2007 _

I rubbed my fingers across my forehead before brushing them through my hair. I was struggling to hold back everything I was feeling in that moment. I'd hoped I'd feel numb. It would be easier than dealing with the conflicting emotions that were currently fighting to come forth inside of me.

I dropped to my knees and just stared at the tombstone before me. This was my mother. She had been the fucking world to me. She'd baked the best cookies I'd ever tasted. She read to me every night before bed. If I craved ice cream before bed time, she'd sneak me a bowl into my room without Carlisle finding out. How do I come to terms with this betrayal? How I do I understand her reasoning behind the secrets she held in regards to my biological father. She should have told me. I should have known.

I wiped the wetness from my cheeks as tears started falling. I didn't want to cry but I was beyond holding them back now.

I spent the rest of the morning sitting beside her, my thoughts trying to make sense of everything I'd discovered.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up and dusted off my jeans. I stared at the inscription once more before wrenching my gaze away and started walking.

I made it back to the car feeling somewhat numb. I was sleepy and hungry and in need of a shower. I stopped by another liquor store and bought myself some more vodka. Being sober was the last thing on my mind right then. My next stop was food from a fast food joint and then I drove back to my old home.

I had the keys luckily, so I let myself in. I went through the motions of everything without really registering it all. I took a shower, pulled some boxers on that I found in my closet and collapsed like a rag doll into bed with half a bottle of vodka clutched against my chest.

When I surfaced again it was dark. Squinting at the time on the clock beside me, it read midnight. I groaned as I rolled over. My tongue felt like sand paper and my body ached. I stumbled my way through the house and drank some water.

I was in and out of sleep for the rest of the night, consuming vodka each time I woke up with a throbbing heart. The alcohol would reel me back into subconscious and I welcomed it wholeheartedly. By the time the sun rose I felt sick and disgusting and I was sporting quite an intense hangover.

After emptying out the contents of my stomach, I collapsed back into bed, groaning in pain.

Hours passed before I was able to get up without the room spinning. I forced my ass into the shower and under the spray. I was feeling somewhat numb by then. Not sure if it was a result of the copious amounts of alcohol I'd consumed or just because I simply couldn't feel anymore.

I dressed and headed back to my car. I couldn't run forever, I wasn't stupid but I wasn't sure if I was ready to face the two delinquents that call themselves brothers.

My drive back to Forks was uneventful and if it was, I couldn't remember. I wasn't completely coherent and by the time I reached Fork's city limits, I couldn't remember driving back at all. I was fucked.

I pulled up into our driveway and spotted Emmett's Jeep parked in its usual spot. Carlisle's car was nowhere to be seen and neither was Caius'.

I walked into a silent eerie house. I dragged my feet up the stairs and to my room.

I had just shut the door behind me when it opened again. I spun around to come face to face with Emmett. His expression was indecipherable as his eyes took in my appearance.

"I could stand here and lecture you on your stupidity but I won't. I could tell you you're a moron for running away without so much as telling anyone where you were going but I won't. I could strangle you for the amount of worry and pain you caused everyone, _especially_ Bella but I won't do that either." He said calmly. "I'm just glad you're ok."

I cursed and scrubbed a hand over my face. I'd completely forgotten about Bella.

"Is she alright? Where is she?" I asked, my voice sounding hoarse and rough. I winced and cleared my throat but it just hurt more. I reached into my back pocket to switch my phone on.

"She was at home the last I heard." He answered.

"Does she know?"

"She knows something serious is up. A family matter of some sorts but that's about as far I told her. I believed you should tell her."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." He looked at me with pursed lips for a moment before he spoke again. "You don't need to justify anything to me." He said slowly. "I put myself in your position and I wouldn't know how I'd take it either."

"You know everything." I stated simply, meeting his gaze.

"Yeah, I know." He nodded, his emotions fighting to come forth. He was struggling to hold himself back.

I dialed Bella's number and lifted the phone to my ear, my eyes never wavering off Emmett's. When I got no answer I cursed and shoved my phone back into my pocket. I had to go see her.

"How are you feeling?"

My eyes darted around the room blindly as I considered his question.

"At the moment… numb." I answered honestly. "Yesterday?" I gave a dry chuckle and shoved a hand through my hair. "I barely fucking remember."

"You smell like alcohol. I can smell you all the way from here."

"When did you find out?" I asked ignoring him.

"The same night they told you." He said. "I arrived home to find Caius' bike outside. I knew then something was up. I walked in to find them arguing."

"What about?"

"I only caught snippets of it before they noticed me. Carlisle was going off on Caius… something about not handling the situation rationally."

There was a lingering silence before Emmett spoke again.

"I'm really sorry, Edward." He said sadly. "This is fucked and to be honest, I don't think I have fully digested it yet. I think back to mom and…" he trailed off, shaking his head morosely.

"I feel like I don't know her anymore, you know? I feel like the Esme they spoke of is a completely different person to the one I knew." I clenched my jaw to keep the tears at bay and looked away. I wasn't about to break down in front of my brother. "I gotta go." I said suddenly, making my way to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to see Bella." I replied over my shoulder.

I left out the fact that I couldn't stay here in the same space as Carlisle. The shock may have worn off but the pain of it all was still definitely there, gnawing away inside my chest.

I continued on down the stairs and out the front door. I wasn't sure where to go from here or what the future held for me. But I knew one thing for sure. Whatever came my way, Bella was going to be right by my side.

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**Poor Smokeward :-( Wonder where he goes from here. **

**I have a Twitter account so if you'd like to follow me, link is on my profile page.**

**See you next time *Waves***


	33. One Entity

**First of all, I think I need to assure everyone that I have not given up on this story. I will finish it and I still love it and its characters. Just RL has been kicking me in the ass lately, so taking the time out to focus and write has been minimal and I do apologise for that. **

**I'm predicting 2 more chapters after this one and then the epilogue, so the end is near for these two. Will there be a sequel? I've been asked this question a number of times. As of now, no there will not be, the epilogue will wrap it up for them but if down the track I change my mind, then well... i guess I'll write one. **

**I have another story that I'm writing at the moment too and I have been slowly working on it for a few months now. That will be posted once the THE Epi is posted. **

**Hope I haven't lost any readers with this late post and in case you have forgotten what happened last chapter, Edward found out his true paternity and lies and betrayal of his parent's marriage. Might want to give that chapter a reread to refresh your memory.**

**Huge thanks to my beta luv4jake for beta'ing this despite what she's going through now... *hugs***

**Stormyinco and Debbliss... three words, I love you!**

Stephanie Meyer owns all thing Twilight.

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**BPOV**

I was trying really hard. I really was but the panic had seemed to take on a healthy life of its own inside of me. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep and my mind just wouldn't switch off. I had no idea where he was or when he was coming back. No one knew. Not even Emmett and that was enough to send me into a tailspin.

After my shift at Newton's the day after Valentines, I spent the evening with Alice and Rosalie. The three of us had been seriously lacking in the friendship department as of late. The only time we ever really saw each other anymore was at school and even then it was around the boys. So Alice had declared a girl's night to which Rosalie and I had happily obliged.

I didn't get home until around ten and when I did, I sent a simple text to Edward informing him I was home and that I'd see him the following day at school. His failure to respond was no big deal. I figured he had most likely gone to bed early.

It wasn't until the next morning while I was waiting in the kitchen for him to pick me up that I started to wonder about his absence. When I still hadn't heard from him and he was running ten minutes late, I decided to call him. I got a recorded message informing me that his mobile phone was switched off. After two more tries with the same response, I grabbed my school bag and headed out to my truck.

I drove straight over to his place, my mind whirring with possibilities, all of them explicable and reasonable. _His phone ran out of battery and he'd slept in. He's misplaced his phone and is trying to look for it. _

It wasn't until I pulled into his driveway and I noticed that his car wasn't in its usual spot that I began to worry. I made my way to the front door and knocked a few times, impatiently waiting for an answer. It was a while before the door was swung open and the sight before me sent my heart racing. Emmett's expression was one I'd never witnessed on him before. He was grim and stressed, his hands fidgety.

"Are you ok? What's going on?" I asked not even bothering with pleasantries.

He pursed his lips, appearing hesitant in answering me. Without a word, he stepped out and shut the door behind him.

"Ah…" he rubbed a hand onto the back of his neck and it only added to my anxiety.

"Emmett, what is it? You can tell me."

"Look, there's just been some shit that's happened… family drama… and ah, Edward was in the midst of it."

I blinked at him. I was confused. He wasn't making sense.

"What?" I finally uttered. "What do you mean? Where's Edward?"

"Calm down."

"Where's Edward?" I snapped, getting agitated over his vagueness.

"Fuck, ok. Look, he got into a fight with Carlisle and Caius last night and stormed off. We don't know where he went."

"Have you tried calling him?"

"He wouldn't answer. And then I think he switched his phone off."

My insides began to churn. I realized I may have been over reacting but this was unlike him. To ignore his phone and then voluntarily switch it off, he was obviously desperate to be left alone. That in its self hurt me to the core.

"What happened exactly?"

"I think it's better he tells you, Bella." Emmett answered slowly. "It's pretty big."

"Well, he has to be somewhere." I said turning around to face the streets, as if Edward was going to magically appear out of nowhere. "We need to find him."

"He could be anywhere."

Knowing very well it was hopeless but needing to feel somewhat useful, I took my phone out and dialed his number again, cringing when I heard that same recorded message.

"Oh God…" I muttered breathlessly. My legs were beginning to fail me so I took a seat on the first step of the porch. I cradled my head in my hands, forcing out a few deep breaths. It did nothing to calm the thrashing beat of my heart.

"Ease up. He'll be back." Emmett said reassuringly as he lowered himself beside me.

"Yeah, but in what state?" I asked, lifting my head to look at him.

"He's not the same Edward he used to be."

"I believe that, but at the moment it's doing nothing to ease my worry." After a moment's silence I asked. "Can't you tell me what happened? At least a little?"

Emmett blew out a breath through his cheeks, appearing hesitant to discuss anything regarding what happened.

"It's complicated in a sense. It has to do with our mom." Emmett replied.

"Well that explains it," I mumbled sadly. "His mother was the world to him. He's so sensitive when it comes to her."

"No shit."

"I hope he's ok."

"I'm sure he will be."

I never went to school that day.

After leaving Edward's, I drove to the meadow, believing he was there. I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up, but regardless of how much I pep talked myself before hand, I couldn't explain the way my heart sank when I reached the clearing to find it empty.

I spent a few hours in the meadow alone cradling my phone in my lap, checking the screen every few minutes in case he'd tried to call me. I was desperate. Desperately hoping he'd appear. Desperately hoping he'd call and say he was back and needed me. Desperate for something. But I got nothing.

I tried not to think too much about him but unfortunately that was all my brain could do. I thought back to our night together on Valentines and how perfect it had been. Closing my eyes, I could almost feel Edward's weight on me, his warm smooth skin, his heavy breaths in my ear. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

Edward had progressed dramatically since he first arrived in Forks. He has taken some huge steps forward and not without some serious heartache in the process. But he was getting there. And I felt that each time he'd take a step forward, there was something that would push him a few steps back.

The following day that passed I was a wreck. I went to school but I was out of it. People spoke to me but I heard none of it. I sat in class but my attention was centered elsewhere. I sat among my friends but I might as well have been sitting alone. Jake made attempts to cheer me up, at one point offering to take me for a ride in his Rabbit but I wasn't up for it. Surprisingly, he didn't say anything in regards to Edward. And thank goodness he didn't because it wouldn't have been pretty.

"Bella?"

I was startled at the sound of my name and snapped back into focus. I forced my hands into work, tidying the pamphlets before me so it wouldn't look like I had been miles away.

"Yes, Mrs. Newton?"

"I need you to wipe down all the counters and sweep the floor. We're closing in fifteen, it's pretty quiet."

"Oh, sure." I mumbled, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I watched her back as she walked off and I let out a forlorn sigh.

Curled up in my bed and sleeping the day away sounded so much better than heading into work and I had seriously considered it. After school I had considered approaching Mike and informing him I was sick and I couldn't get into work. But then I figured I needed the distraction, anything to keep my brain occupied. It was a shame it wasn't working.

The drive home from work was a blur. My mind had taken another wander into the world of Edward. It was incredible just how much I missed him. It was a heavy weight smack bang over my heart and it hurt. Missing him physically hurt me and the thought of not knowing when I'd see him again stung even more.

I pulled up alongside the curb outside my house and switched the truck off, the silence that followed almost deafening after its loud roar. I threw my head back against the seat and closed my eyes, willing away the tears. It was going to be another long sleepless night.

Squeezing my eyes shut tightly and refusing to breakdown, I reached for the door handle of my truck and clambered out. Still fighting back my emotions, I treaded up the footpath toward the front door wringing my fingers together anxiously. But then something to the side of the house caught my attention. I cast my eyes over, and froze dead in my tracks, my breath catching in my throat.

Against the tree outside my bedroom window, sat Edward. His leather clad elbows were resting on his bent knees, his face buried into his hands. I hesitated, only because I feared what I would find.

But then my feet were moving in his direction on their own accord and my heart was thrashing wildly. There was so much to ask, so much to discuss that I was terrified to hear any of it.

He must have been completely out of it because when I came to a stop a mere few inches away from him, he had failed to hear me.

In the silence of the night, I could distinctly hear his breathing. It was harsh and quick, his back rising and falling rapidly and I wondered whether he was crying. That thought alone had me on my knees in an instant.

"Edward." I uttered.

His head whipped up in my direction, his eyes bloodshot and unfocused. My chest tightened at the sight but I fought hard to ignore it. I needed to stay strong. Not just for my sake but for his as well.

He raised his hands to scrub at his face roughly, his eyes clamped shut tightly. When they dropped from his face, he looked at me again, a weak smile tugging at his lips.

"Fuck I missed you." He murmured, reaching out to grab me. He pulled me to him by my hand and I practically collapsed onto him, my arms shooting out to catch my fall. But once I'd gathered myself, I snaked my arms around him and greedily held him to me as tight as he'd go. I inhaled deeply, greedily, hoping his scent would calm me but all I could smell was cigarettes and alcohol.

"I didn't mean it." He said after a long while. I shuffled against him and moved back a little, catching his gaze. "I know I hurt you by running away."

"You did." I admitted honestly, feeling like he needed to know that much. "But I'm willing to let it go."

"See, this is why I don't deserve you." He said with a dry chuckle, looking away. "So damn forgiving."

"Would you prefer I add to your distress and scold you for leaving without so much as letting me know? For disappearing without a word on your where abouts, or why you left or for how long?" I questioned heatedly. "Because I could do that. Because you hurt me. I understand you needed to escape but I'm your girlfriend. I should have known. You scared me so bad… I was so worried… and…I…" I closed my eyes and bit down on my lip to stop it from quivering. I hadn't meant to get angry with him, I hadn't. But it felt good to let it all out considering for the past few days I had done nothing but bottle it all up inside of me, refusing to talk about it with anyone.

When I finally opened my eyes, he was grinding his molars, his eyes miles away as he focused on something behind me.

"I'm sorry." I said quickly, seeing the hurt in his eyes.

He groaned, his cloudy eyes snapping back to my face. "Don't fucking apologize. I fucked up. I completely understand that and to be honest, I don't know why I did it. I wasn't myself. I was lost, so completely lost that my body was working without the function of my brain. Before I knew it, I'd taken off."

"It's ok." I assured him, threading my fingers with his own and squeezing. "Now you're here." When he said nothing in response, I asked my question tentatively. "So… what happened?"

"Could we… I just… I don't feel like talking right now." He answered, his voice suddenly rough. I nodded, noticing he was on the verge of breaking down.

It was freezing, the wind like crisp ice against our skin so I made a move to get up, wanting to suggest we head inside when he stopped me. He followed me and stood up but kept his grip tight on my hand.

"I can't go back home."

I looked at him for a moment, trying to decipher what was going through his head but couldn't. He was grave serious though.

"Ok," I nodded, stepping closer to him. His statement only escalated my need to know further. It must have been something really big and profound if he refused to go home. "Stay here tonight."

"It's going to be more than just one night, Bella."

"Then stay as long as you need to." I suggested with certainty.

"Ah… how's that gonna work?"

"Renee will understand."

"You can't be fucking serious." He muttered.

"Do you want a place to stay or not?" I questioned heatedly. Without awaiting an answer, I turned and strode toward the front door.

Thankfully he seemed to give in and followed me. Once I had the door unlocked, I turned back to face him.

"Stay here while I figure out what to say to Renee."

"I don't think it will work."

"We've got nothing to lose." I retorted getting irritated by his negative attitude.

He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed irritably. Then he nodded.

Without another word, I stepped inside and closed the door quietly behind me.

"Baby, you're home…" Renee smiled when I appeared in the kitchen.

"Yeah," I mumbled shifting on the spot. "Hi, Phil."

"Hey, Bella." He said before taking a pull from his mug.

"Mum, could I talk to you, please." My eyes darted over to Phil so I quickly tacked on, "Privately."

Their eyes met, a message was exchanged and then Phil was standing up and heading out of the kitchen without a word.

I moved over to the kitchen table where she sat and lowered myself into a chair slowly, buying time so I could figure out how I was going to go about this exactly.

"Is something wrong?" Renee asked, evidently picking up on my mood.

"Ah… no, it's just… Edward needs a place to stay." I blurted out, just needing to get it over with.

"Excuse me?" she asked, as if she'd heard incorrectly.

"Edward, he's… he needs someplace to stay and I want him to stay here. Please."

"Bella…" Renee began, appearing completely taken aback by my sudden request. "What's going on? What's wrong with his home? Did something happen?"

"You could say that."

"Is Dr. Cullen ok?"

I huffed because we were steering off topic. "Yes, he's fine." I replied rubbing my fingers across my forehead. "Edward is just… going through some… stuff right now. Its better if he stays here."

"Do you know what you're asking?"

"Yes, I do. Please mum." I pleaded. "He needs me."

She frowned, her eyes locked on my face, studying me, assessing me.

"For how long?"

"Not long," I lied. I wasn't sure how long Edward was planning to stay away from home but I had to play it safe. She couldn't very well kick him out if he ended up staying for longer than she had anticipated.

"He wouldn't be allowed to sleep in your room." She said as if that might change my mind. I let out a breath in relief but quickly reminded myself she hadn't confirmed a yes yet.

"Sure."

"He'll have to sleep on the couch."

"Understood."

"The same rules that apply to you will apply to him."

"Ok." I replied feeling my hope bubble to the surface.

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this." She mumbled to herself. "Ok, Bella, he can stay."

My face transformed as a huge grin took over my features. I leapt out of the chair and threw my arms around her shoulders.

"Thank you, mum. Thank you so much." I mumbled into her hair.

"Yeah well, I don't like the idea of it but I can't very well turn him away now, can I."

"You're the best."

She let out a little laugh, "I don't know about that. Don't make me regret this."

"I won't." I said pulling away. "We won't." I corrected quickly. I turned for the front door to go call Edward.

"Where are you going?" She called out from behind me.

"He's outside." I replied turning back to face her.

She raised an eyebrow at me, "A bit confident aren't we?"

"He was here when I got home from work." I explained then without waiting for a response, I darted outside.

"She said yes." I said as soon as the door was open. Edward's head spun around from his position on the porch step. He took one last pull from his cigarette before tossing it to the grass. He stood up and turned to me, smiling tightly in response.

"Great. Good." He nodded, his face still tight.

I frowned, because I realized then my focus had been too much on his stay here rather than the reasoning behind it. I walked up to him and slid my hands around his neck, my eyes sliding shut as my body came into contact with his.

"You want to head inside or would you like to go somewhere?" I asked. He brought his face close, rubbing his cheek lightly against mine, his breaths ragged.

"I don't care. I just need to be alone with you right now."

My heart tumbled with his words. It felt like it had been so long since we'd been together. The three days that passed had felt like an eternity.

"Let's head on upstairs to my room."

I untangled myself from him but kept my hand firmly in his as I turned for the door. We stepped inside quietly, Edward's heavy steps hesitant behind me.

We had to walk past the kitchen on the way to the stairs so I stopped in there so Edward could see Renee.

"Hey, Mrs. Dwyer." Edward nodded with an uncomfortable clearing of his throat.

"Edward, hi." Renee smiled.

"Ah… I would just like to thank you for accepting me here. You know to stay… so, ah… thank you." He cursed under his breath as he shoved a nervous hand through his hair.

"It's quite alright."

"We're just going to head on up to my room." I informed her. One of her eyebrows arched.

"Remember my rule about-"

"We're not sleeping just yet." I cut her off before she could finish. When she gave me a curious look, I felt my face redden and I internally cringed.

"We're just going to… talk. Hang out. You know, as friends do…" I grimaced, and squeezed my eyes shut. I could not believe I was trying to convince my mum that we weren't escaping upstairs for sex.

Edward squeezed my hand and when I glanced over at him, I saw he was trying to hide a smirk. Well, it was good to see he found my discomfort amusing.

"Ok," Renee relented, smiling with amusement at me also.

I let out a breath of release at the chance to escape and pulled Edward toward the stairs a little rougher than I intended. Once in my room, I shut the door behind me and pressed my back into it.

"That was horrible." I groaned, burying my face into my hands.

"It was funny." Edward said quietly, appearing in front of me. I dropped my hands and looked up into his eyes. They were intent on mine. He threaded a hand through my hair and pulled my forehead to his. He held me like that, just quiet and unmoving.

Achingly slowly, his lips brushed mine, barely touching but enough to make me light headed. I yanked him closer, wanting more of him but he pulled back, eyes squeezed shut.

"Are you ok?" I asked, feeling the tension in his body.

"Yeah," He pulled away and ripped his jacket off. He then collapsed onto the edge of my bed and leaned his elbows onto his knees.

"If you need to take a shower, by all means…"

"In a minute."

I nodded, shifting uncomfortably. He was in one of his moods and I never knew how to respond whenever he was in one of them. His moods fluctuated faster than I could keep up.

He eventually looked up at me, his eyes raking over me from head to toe slowly.

"Could I hold you? I need to hold you right now."

I nodded and closed the distance between us. But when I came to sit down, he stopped me and shook his head. Then silently, he raised his hands to the buttons of my jeans and began work of them. I had to close my eyes when the back of his fingers brushed against the skin of my stomach.

He pushed them down my legs and when they pooled around my ankles, I kicked them off. He didn't waste time in working the buttons of my shirt, his slender fingers once again brushing against my exposed skin. Once all the buttons were undone, he pushed the shirt open, exposing my black and white bra.

His eyes were trained on my breasts, my stomach, my neck and I felt absolutely no shame, no discomfort. It was a far cry from the first time, a few months ago when I'd let him see me topless for the first time.

He pushed the shirt off my shoulders where it joined my discarded jeans on the floor by my feet. His eyes continued their slow exploration of my skin, unwavering, intent and eager.

I expected him to remove my bra next, or my panties or even to start groping me. But he did none of that. He slid his hand into mine and pulled me down onto the bed. He yanked his shirt off his body, pulled his jeans off then scooped me up and held me as close as I'd go. And he did exactly what he said he needed to do. He held me.

Questions still burned the tip of my tongue, desperate for release, desperate for answers and explanations and it took a lot of restraint to hold them back. I understood Edward now. He would come out and tell me all about it in his own time when he felt he was ready and I wasn't going to push him on it. For now I'd just let him be.

"You smell great." He murmured.

"You smell like alcohol." I muttered.

I felt him about to shift back so I quickly grabbed onto him and pulled him back to me.

"I don't really mind… it just… it concerns me more than anything."

"I drank… a lot. A shit load, actually."

"Did you touch the stas-"

"No." he said quickly shaking his head. He rolled me onto my back and leaned over me, forcing the intent of what he was saying. "I promised you I'd never touch that shit again and I meant it. I didn't."

"Ok, I believe you." I reached up and ran my fingers along the side of his face. His facial hair was course beneath my fingers. He had day's worth of growth.

"But… I was close. I almost did. I sorted out three lines but then-"

"Sh, sh, sh…" I said, pressing my fingers over his lips to silence him. "You don't need to explain it to me. What you did shows so much strength and growth."

"I've fucking turned you into Dr. Phil, you know that?"

I chuckled but said nothing, letting my fingers continue their exploration of his face. He smiled a little, the side of his lips curling up faintly, before he tilted forward and kissed me. I sighed at the feel of his lips, warm and inviting against my own. This time, when I brushed my tongue along his lower lip, he didn't pull back. He met me halfway, his tongue peeking out from between his lips to caress my own.

My fingers weaved into his hair, pressing him harder into my mouth. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him down against my core. He groaned then kissed me deeper, his kiss turning more desperate.

His hips surged into mine, and in response, I threw my head back against the pillow as heat rushed into my core. I was wet, and wanting to add to the friction, I lifted my hips off the bed and swirled them against his.

"Oh, fucking shit, how I've missed you." He whispered.

But then, realization hit me that I had no lock on my bedroom door and Renee or Phil could walk in any time they pleased.

"Edward… off… Renee could just walk in." I pleaded with a little push to his chest. He begrudgingly relented, taking his time in slowing his movements and rolling off me. I was scooped back into his arms immediately, his face buried into the crook of my neck. We laid like that for a long time, in complete and utter silence. It could have been months or years and I wouldn't have known.

There was a knock on the door quite a while later and it completely startled me out of the stupor I was in.

"Bella?" Renee's voice carried through the barrier of my door.

I scrambled out of bed and began to thrust my clothes back on, frantically whispering for Edward to do the same.

"Yeah?" I called out as I hopped into my jeans.

"I got the couch ready for Edward if he'd like to come down. Phil and I are going to bed." It sounded more like a demand than a suggestion.

As soon as both Edward and I were dressed, I walked to the door and opened it just enough to peer through.

"Thanks, he'll be down."

Renee, being the nosy person that she was, tried to peer over my shoulder into my bedroom.

"Mum!"

"Sorry, mother's curiousness." She replied with a helpless shrug of her shoulders.

"Bella?" Edward's voice came from right behind me so I moved aside for him.

"I'll be down. Thanks." Edward said smiling gratefully at Renee.

After Renee disappeared into her bedroom I followed Edward downstairs. As she'd stated, a pillow and a blanket sat folded neatly on the sofa.

"This sucks. Its not going to be a very good sleep." I mumbled apologetically, eyeing the narrow sofa.

"It'll be fine." He said moving toward it. He pulled off his clothes again, until he was in just his black boxers.

He punched the pillow a few times, tossed it to one end of the sofa then settled down, lying back onto the pillow and stretching his long legs out.

"Room enough for two." He said with a leering smile.

I smiled in response, and snuggled up beside him. We lay in the darkness for a while, talking quietly, nothing of real essence at first until he suddenly changed the topic.

He took a deep, long breath and hesitantly admitted in a rough voice, "Carlisle's not my father."

I froze in shock, my mouth falling open as my eyes flared.

He chuckled dryly. "Yeah, exactly."

"Oh my… I'm so sorry. I can't believe it. How did… what on earth…" I snapped my mouth shut when I realized I was just mumbling incoherently. The words still hadn't fully registered in my mind.

He sighed, long and sad and the sound settled heavily over my heart. "Carlisle just came out and told me that afternoon after Valentine's Day."

He then went on to tell me the whole ordeal. His mother's affair. The secrets. Carlisle's heartache, and the most shocking of all… that his uncle Caius was in fact, his biological father. By the end of it, I was speechless, completely irresolute of what to say.

He shifted in the tight space of the sofa and I moved with him, snuggling closer into his side. My heart bled for him. It was taking all I had in me not to let the tears spill. "I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet."

"I don't think you will for a while."

"You know what shits me the most… it's the fact that she cheated on Carlisle. I think that's what fucking burned me the most. _My mother. _She betrayed him then lied to him, all those fucking years! How could she have done that? How do you do that to the person you love?"

"People make mistakes. Do things they don't mean."

"That's exactly what Caius said. It's a crock of shit."

"Edward?" I questioned, hoping to tread lightly with what I was about to say next. I was hoping it would help him understand.

"What?"

"Think back on your own life and the mistakes you've made."

"What the fuck are-"

"It doesn't change who you are. It doesn't make you a different person or a bad person."

"_Bella_." My name came out in a low growl but I chose to ignore its warning.

"Just think about it, that's all. It might help."

He went quiet and I was hoping it was because he was thinking about what I suggested rather than trying to fight back his anger. His body was stiff and tense so I knew how he was feeling. I just wished there was some other way to help take this pain away from him. He deserved a break. He needed some happiness and positive energy in his life.

"It doesn't change things." He said after a long silence.

"Maybe not but it certainly helps in understanding them."

"Its kind of eerie how similar the situations are though. It certainly makes me my father's son in so many fucking ways."

"I don't know him that well, but he seems like a good man from what I've seen. This would be incredibly hard on him too… have you thought of that?"

"It's the consequences of not keeping his dick in his pants. And not understanding the unity of marriage. So he deserves to suffer for it."

"No one deserves to suffer."

"You're just too nice and naïve."

I twisted on the sofa so that I came face to face with him. My eyes were narrowed into slits.

"What did you just call me?"

He cursed and scrubbed a hand over his face harshly.

"I'm sorry. It just came out."

"Which means you meant it." I snapped, standing up.

"No! Fuck, no I didn't." He groaned. "My brains fucked. I feel like I'm still suffering the after affects of a hangover and I'm tired and pissed and angry and it just came out and I'm sorry. Please, Bella..." He pleaded sitting up and shaking his head at himself.

I was reluctant. His words stung but he was right. He wasn't in the right frame of mind at the moment and it was obvious to me that he wasn't. So I decided to let it slide.

"It hurt." I said returning to sit beside him.

"I know and I hate myself for it. I love you. I don't think I have told you that today. At all. Fuck… I love you." He looked into my eyes and I could see every ounce of regret reflected in them.

"I love you." I replied quietly. He smiled, a full heartwarming smile and it was the most beautiful sight to witness on him.

He tilted forward and captured my lips. He kissed me languidly with absolutely no rush at all, his tongue stroking my own at a torturously slow pace.

"Now this is my medicine." He mumbled through the kiss.

xx—xx

The following morning was odd. Waking up to your boyfriend on your couch was a little weird to be honest. When I padded down the stairs the next morning, I was greeted by Edward's form languidly splayed out on the couch. He was on his back, one leg hanging off the side of the sofa with his forearm thrown over his eyes. The blanket was gathered around his bottom half, tangled between his legs.

I smiled a little then continued on my way to the coffee pot to get it running. He needed the sleep and there was no way I was going to wake him up, even if that made us late for school.

I knew what lay ahead was going to be a bumpy ride… a long, winding, and dark bumpy ride. But I didn't have any fear toward the situation. I knew whatever came our way, Edward and I could fight. Of that, I was positive. The only thing that concerned me was the cuts and grazes that were going to occur along the way.

The following few days that passed were a little difficult. Edward didn't deal well with parental units, as he liked to call them, so whenever Renee and Phil were home, he'd either cower away in my bedroom or suggest we take a drive somewhere to be alone. I was fine with that but I wasn't too sure Renee was. I think she sensed that Edward was trying to avoid being around her and Phil for any length of time.

Edward was… well, moody. His mind was elsewhere and to an outsider, it appeared like he was walking around with a fire cracker up his ass. Little things would set him off.

He spoke to Emmett at school. Things seemed a little weird between them in the sense that you could tell they were both trying to undoubtedly avoid a sensitive topic. It would have been inevitable that Edward's paternity would affect his relationship with not only his father…fathers? But with those who shared those relationships too.

He never brought up the topic when we were alone and I never broached the subject. I figured I'd give him time. For his sake, I hoped it wouldn't be too long. He needed to figure out where to go from here. He had to eventually go back home and face reality but for now, I decided I'd let him stay tucked away into purgatory, because that's exactly where he was right now in his life. Neither moving forwards nor backwards, just hovering aimlessly.

I rushed home from my shift at Newton's that evening, barely getting a bite to eat at home before Edward whisked us away. I was fine with it. Any time alone with Edward was great.

We sat in his car on the fringes of the track leading to the meadow. It was pitch black so Edward left his car beams on providing us with some faint light. He lit up a joint and sucked in heavily, holding the smoke in his lungs before exhaling a soft cloud of smoke.

It had never escaped me that Edward never offered me any. It took me back to the night of Marcus' party when I'd found him sitting in the back yard against the side of the house. I'd asked for a puff, the request nothing more than a way to impress him, but he'd refused, stating shit like that fucks people up.

"Can I try some?"

His head whipped around to face me, an eyebrow cocked up in surprise. "Seriously?"

I nodded.

"This stuff can fuck you up. I'd rather keep you pure. God knows, being with me has fucked you up enough." He took another long inhale then stubbed the last inch or so against an old cardboard drinks tray he had in the car. He then flicked it out the window.

"Why would you think that?"

"Think what?" he asked, reclining his seat back and closing his eyes.

"That being with you has screwed me up…" he inhaled long and deep then let his breath out slowly, a hand going up to his face and scrubbing over his features.

"I'm not good for you. We both know you could do so much better. You could be with someone who isn't so fucked up. Who doesn't smoke like a chimney. Who doesn't consume alcohol like its going out of fashion or someone who isn't fucked up over the death of his mother and best friend. Someone who didn't fuck his best friend's girlfriend, someone who isn't struggling to deal with the sudden information that pretty much all he's known his whole life was a sham. But the thing is, I'm too God damn selfish to let you go, which is even worse."

I stared at him for a moment, my tongue dry and heavy. Is that how he really felt? I didn't want him to think I could do better, because I couldn't. I loved him. All of him, the good stuff and the bad.

"If I didn't want you, I would not have hung around this long."

"I didn't say you didn't want me. I said I don't deserve you."

"Just shut the fuck up." I snapped before I could take it back.

"Excuse me?" he asked through a surprised chuckle.

"I, ah… I said to be quiet… don't put yourself-"

"No… that's not what you said. I don't think you've ever told me to shut the fuck up before. Let alone curse." He smirked at me, making me bury my face in my hands. "My girl is growing some serious balls and I like it."

"Edward," I groaned.

I felt his hand cover my own and gently pry it away from my face. His eyes met mine and I found myself grinning back at him. He was so beautiful.

"I just don't want you thinking like that." I sighed. "I love you and I'm not any better than you."

He scoffed but said nothing.

A long silence passed, so silent that the only thing you could hear was our steady breathing and the creak of Edward's leather jacket as he moved.

Then suddenly he spoke, his voice low and husky as if he was trying to keep check over his emotions.

"I need to talk to them. Both of them…"

He didn't need to elaborate for me to know who he was referring to. I was just more shocked that he was the one suggesting it. I had figured Carlisle or Caius were going to have to be the ones to drag him into a talk.

"I'm sick of not knowing. I'm sick of my life, Bella. I'm tired of the entire heartache and the struggling…" He drifted off and took in a deep breath, exhaling in a shudder. "I want to… no, I _need_ to get on with my life… I need to focus on me, on my future because truthfully, I'm not sure how much more of this I can take before I seriously crack. I feel like I'm hanging on by a string."

I reached over the centre console and grabbed both his hands, raised them to my mouth and planted a soft kiss to them. He kept his eyes closed and I knew it was because he was on the brink of breaking down.

"Not many people are as strong as you Edward." I murmured. "Most people would have cracked a long time ago." When he shook his head, his eyes squeezing shut, I climbed over into his lap, the position cramped but good enough. I palmed both sides of his face and brought his forehead to mine.

"I love you, and I will be there every single step of the way. We're in this together, you hear me? Whatever you decide to do, I'm there. We're one entity, Edward."

He cursed then pressed his lips to mine, firm but gentle.

"I can't lose you." He murmured, opening his watery eyes. "I've lost so much already… I can't lose you too."

"You won't."

"Jesus, I love you."

It wasn't until almost three weeks later that he worked up the courage to speak to Carlisle. He was tense as hell the days leading up to it and the morning of the talk I kept quiet, because I knew just trying to reassure him would only lead him to crack further. I let him be.

He left early the morning of his _talk _to meet Carlisle at home and in that time I made the drive over to Jacob's. I needed a distraction and Jacob was the perfect one. Now a days, his life was filled with more drama than my own.

When I got to his house, I found him in the garage with Seth and surprisingly a girl I'd never seen before.

"I'm Nessie." She smiled tightly, nodding her head in my direction when Seth introduced us.

"Bella." I returned, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans. I moved over to an overturned crate and lowered myself onto it. I watched as she walked over to where Jacob was busy working on Seth's car, her thick auburn hair swaying against her back. She propped her hip against the side of the car, her eyes roaming over Jake's bare shoulders. I rolled my eyes.

"She's cute, huh?" Seth asked quietly as he stood beside me.

"She's ok…" I mumbled, keeping my eyes on her as she laughed at something Jake had said.

"Am I sensing jealousy?"

"No, you're not." I snapped. "He can screw whatever he pleases."

"Ouch."

I sighed in irritation but said nothing in return.

"She's better than Leah, that's for sure." Seth murmured after a while. The whole Jake and Leah fiasco from New Years Eve had pretty much fizzled out. Eventually, Leah had relented to hear Jake's feelings toward that night. He explained that his feelings toward her were still nothing more than of a friendship basis. That did not go down well with her but she accepted it none the less. They still spoke briefly every now and again but their relationship was nowhere near as close as it once used to be.

I walked up to Jake once Nessie had sauntered off. I had yet to speak to him apart from my greeting when I'd first arrived. Nessie had been stuck to his side the entire time.

"How's my favorite girl?" He grinned as he wiped the grease off his hands with a stained rag.

"Good… Edward is… well, he's off so I thought I'd spend the afternoon with you." Jake knew the briefings of Edward's situation but never made an effort to pry for more information which I appreciated immensely.

"Hope all goes well." He said clearing his throat. He tossed the old rag aside and placed his hands on his hips, his eyes focused ahead of him. I followed his gaze to find him eyeing out Nessie, specifically her ass.

"When did you meet her?"

"Two weeks ago. She's Paul's cousin, actually."

"Oh, great." I muttered under my breath. If she had that kind of blood in her I'd hate to see how tough she was.

"Yeah, she came over with him one afternoon and we kinda… I don't know, hit it off." His eyes came back to my face and smiled. "I'm thinking of asking her out."

"Well, good for you. I think you should." And I meant every word of it. I may not have liked what I'd seen so far but that was not a reasonable excuse enough to base an opinion on someone from. And I wanted Jake happy. So whoever could do that, I was more than supportive.

He draped his bulky arm over my shoulders and crushed me into his side. "Thanks, Bella. Now, how bout we go grab a little something to eat."

I joined Jacob, Seth and Nessie for lunch which gave me the opportunity to get to know Nessie a little. She seemed ok. She was polite but I got the sense that it wasn't whole hearted when it was directed at me and that she was only putting on a front for Jacob's sake. I didn't really care, I wasn't the one that was going to be dating her and I surely wasn't going to pull her aside and give her the consequences of I what would do to her if she were to hurt Jake in any way, shape or form. I wasn't going to stoop to Jake's level like he'd done with Edward and I. He was a big boy, he could handle himself.

After lunch I headed straight back home. I had the afternoon free from work thankfully so I made the decision to just hang around in my bedroom while I waited for Edward to get back.

It was about an hour later that I decided to go take a shower. I was grabbing a change of clothes from my drawers to head in when my bedroom door opened up, revealing Edward. He glanced over at me, his eyes telling me everything I needed to know. He ran an anxious hand through his hair before shutting the door slowly behind him.

Because I knew he'd appreciate it, I didn't question him on how it went. I knew he wouldn't be in the mood to talk about it or to reveal anything just yet so I did the one thing I knew he'd need. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Without missing a beat, he lifted me up wordlessly; my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist and carried me over to my bed.

We slipped beneath the covers, clothes and all and just held each other. He buried his face into the crook of my neck and took a few deep breaths.

I couldn't tell you how long we lay there tangled within each other. Time didn't exist in that moment, it didn't matter to us. Silence enveloped the room, curling around our bodies and protecting us from anything and everything outside the room. Only we existed.

Finally, Edward moved. His lips found my skin and my eyes fluttered closed at the contact. He took his time, his mouth following the lead of his hands, slipping beneath my shirt and brushing over my torso.

"I need to be with you right now. Can I?" he asked softly.

I looked into his eyes and saw the vulnerability staring right back at me. He was feeling small, insignificant, lost in a path he had no clue on where it ended. So I gave him all of me and devoted the same amount of attention to his body as he did to mine.

As clothes started to disappear slowly, our breaths grew deeper, more erratic. I was a squirming mess by the time I was in nothing but my panties, Edward between my legs, his mouth teasing me through the flimsy material.

I was on the brink of an orgasm, my fingers wrapped tight into the bed sheets, pulling in ecstasy, my back arching off the mattress.

His name fell from my lips in a gasp as my body seized and then started convulsing.

Before I'd even settled, Edward was on top of me, pushing my legs further apart, settling in between.

"I love you… forever." He murmured before entering me.

It was slow and languid and everything beautiful. Edward's face was inches from mine, his eyes locked with my own, expressing everything words in that moment couldn't. I loved him, entirely so and I'd made the vow to myself to always take care of him. Treat him and cherish him in a way everybody else had previously failed in doing. He deserved that, and so much more and I was prepared to give him all of me in any way he needed it.

When I fell over the edge, he fell right along with me, his breath on my neck, his muscles on his back tensing beneath my fingertips.

He took a moment to catch his breath, then quietly, in a soft murmur he said, "I need to go to Seattle."

In a heartbeat I said, "And I'm coming with you..."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed that... see you next time :-)**


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